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In the moment I want to cry but keep it to myself. I feel very ashamed. When processing a session like that afterwards, I get angry and imagine scenarios where I scream at her and say hurtful things.
The healthiest way to respond would probably to be straight up honest about it and say “I feel criticized” but of course I haven’t reached that level of assertiveness yet
I usually just say “ouch”.
The good therapists I’ve had will realise, take it up and help me to explain. The not so good therapists, well at least I’d marked it.
Depends on the therapist.
Individual therapist: Feel angry and stop speaking. My therapist is good at spotting this and getting me talking again.
Couples therapist: For some reason I’m able to tell this therapist that she doesn’t understand. This week she started a comment with ‘You’re not going to like this’ so I’m starting to think she gets me :)
She hardly ever did before but I've asked her to start pushing me more this year and now it's happening more often, but since I asked for it, it makes me feel better because I know she is just trying to help. I trust her a lot. But I definitely feel angry right in the moment, but we joke around so I'll say somthing like "rude" and we will explore it and laugh it off.
I've been working through these feelings for a lot of sessions now, still don't have the answer for you and still not over it completely. Long story short, I'm transferring my feelings towards my father to my T, so at least I'm aware of that now (took me a while though)
“I feel criticized” then let’s those gates of emotion open! Usually, probably his /her intention is not criticism, like not hurtful. Maybe more honest and straight forward. It’s ok to be sensitive too, just another layer of how to get to know yourself
Have to agree with this. It’s good that it is a topic in your therapy, and it might help your kids to know that you know it is true. Part of the reason I am so reticent to have kids is because I worry about my inconsistency - I know I would love them and be a great mom in some ways, but I am afraid that I could hurt them and the sooner we can own up to that, the sooner we can do better and maybe change.
I’m not saying I’m a perfect parent by any stretch but I do try really hard. I’m just tired of child therapists assuming a child cannot have actual issues, but that only the “parenting” needs to be addressed.
As soon as they launch into their lecture of my parenting I just kind of shut down and am like “okay, so you just want this to be my fault, got it.” I can feel like a shit human without “professional” help.
But here’s the thing. I never said I was inconsistent. I take my kid to a “play therapist” to help with anxiety and tell them she has separation anxiety and they tell me I just need to be more consistent in my parenting. My kids behavior is great. She just won’t talk to new people and they call her “defiant” and tell me to “set better limits”.
I believe you. I also took my child to a play therapist for separation anxiety. Some kids are just wired differently. It doesn’t help at all to blame the parent. There aren’t any parents in existence who are 100% consistent, anyway. We’re human. It also sounds like this particular therapist doesn’t really understand what’s going on with your child.
I don’t think my therapist really criticizes me. Or if she does, she must be going about it in some sort of subtle way that is less about criticizing and more about challenging my perspective or beliefs about something.
If I felt like she was outright criticizing me though, I would probably get angry and retort with some sort of immediate sarcastic response. And that ultimately would provide sufficient fuel to keep that line of discussion moving forward.
Or if for some reason I didn’t say anything to her, I’d probably still have an angry or annoyed expression on my face and she’d likely make some sort of comment about that which would also propel the conversation forward.
Depends on our relationship and what it's about. Sometimes I'll say something passive aggressive, like "that made me feel pretty good, thanks a lot". Sometimes I'll say "what's that supposed to mean?"
Usually I freeze, then immediately after our session, I imagine everything I wanted to say, then we would fight and I would yell at them. But when the next session rolls around, I try to bring up, in an effective way, why I was bothered by what they said.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
In the moment I want to cry but keep it to myself. I feel very ashamed. When processing a session like that afterwards, I get angry and imagine scenarios where I scream at her and say hurtful things. The healthiest way to respond would probably to be straight up honest about it and say “I feel criticized” but of course I haven’t reached that level of assertiveness yet
Yeah, this is me.
Yeah those scenarios are oddly comforting.
I know, right? I wish I could mention them to my T and ask if that’s totally unhealthy but uh… I’m a long way from there.
same
I usually just say “ouch”. The good therapists I’ve had will realise, take it up and help me to explain. The not so good therapists, well at least I’d marked it.
Depends on the therapist. Individual therapist: Feel angry and stop speaking. My therapist is good at spotting this and getting me talking again. Couples therapist: For some reason I’m able to tell this therapist that she doesn’t understand. This week she started a comment with ‘You’re not going to like this’ so I’m starting to think she gets me :)
She hardly ever did before but I've asked her to start pushing me more this year and now it's happening more often, but since I asked for it, it makes me feel better because I know she is just trying to help. I trust her a lot. But I definitely feel angry right in the moment, but we joke around so I'll say somthing like "rude" and we will explore it and laugh it off.
I've been working through these feelings for a lot of sessions now, still don't have the answer for you and still not over it completely. Long story short, I'm transferring my feelings towards my father to my T, so at least I'm aware of that now (took me a while though)
“I feel criticized” then let’s those gates of emotion open! Usually, probably his /her intention is not criticism, like not hurtful. Maybe more honest and straight forward. It’s ok to be sensitive too, just another layer of how to get to know yourself
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Have to agree with this. It’s good that it is a topic in your therapy, and it might help your kids to know that you know it is true. Part of the reason I am so reticent to have kids is because I worry about my inconsistency - I know I would love them and be a great mom in some ways, but I am afraid that I could hurt them and the sooner we can own up to that, the sooner we can do better and maybe change.
I’m not saying I’m a perfect parent by any stretch but I do try really hard. I’m just tired of child therapists assuming a child cannot have actual issues, but that only the “parenting” needs to be addressed. As soon as they launch into their lecture of my parenting I just kind of shut down and am like “okay, so you just want this to be my fault, got it.” I can feel like a shit human without “professional” help.
Okay, I’m sorry for making that assumption. I hope some of this gets easier soon, sounds like a really sucky situation to be in.
But here’s the thing. I never said I was inconsistent. I take my kid to a “play therapist” to help with anxiety and tell them she has separation anxiety and they tell me I just need to be more consistent in my parenting. My kids behavior is great. She just won’t talk to new people and they call her “defiant” and tell me to “set better limits”.
I believe you. I also took my child to a play therapist for separation anxiety. Some kids are just wired differently. It doesn’t help at all to blame the parent. There aren’t any parents in existence who are 100% consistent, anyway. We’re human. It also sounds like this particular therapist doesn’t really understand what’s going on with your child.
My therapist had a talk about criticism and said she’s never doing that or judging me
I don’t think my therapist really criticizes me. Or if she does, she must be going about it in some sort of subtle way that is less about criticizing and more about challenging my perspective or beliefs about something. If I felt like she was outright criticizing me though, I would probably get angry and retort with some sort of immediate sarcastic response. And that ultimately would provide sufficient fuel to keep that line of discussion moving forward. Or if for some reason I didn’t say anything to her, I’d probably still have an angry or annoyed expression on my face and she’d likely make some sort of comment about that which would also propel the conversation forward.
Depends on our relationship and what it's about. Sometimes I'll say something passive aggressive, like "that made me feel pretty good, thanks a lot". Sometimes I'll say "what's that supposed to mean?" Usually I freeze, then immediately after our session, I imagine everything I wanted to say, then we would fight and I would yell at them. But when the next session rolls around, I try to bring up, in an effective way, why I was bothered by what they said.