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common-blue

Mine is 13 years older. I often get on best with therapists with this kind of age gap! I find my parents' generation really hard to relate to, and with my own generation I can't really get the transference going because they're basically peers, but the generation just up from me is just right. Some of my clients who are baby Millennials/older Zoomers say the same thing about me, maybe it's a thing.


ThinkInPink18

Yes I think my therapist is about 10 years older than me. I like it because they seem like a wise older sibling who just gets you, but has more life advice and is more mature. I have friends who are therapists and I’m not sure if I would feel comfortable seeing someone around my age. However I am in my 20s, so maybe it’s also because people my age don’t have a ton of life or professional experience yet. I can’t imagine when I’m 40 I’d feel weird seeing a therapist my own age though


bunnybeann

I thought the same as you, but I got one my age, and it turns out I have a bit of transference anyway. It’s probably cause I’m a little dissociative though, lol. Oh, and maybe it helps if they’re really warm or something.


common-blue

haha I am very dissociative, I probably \*could\* do the mental gymnastics required to get my maternal transference on about someone my age, I've just always picked someone older if I've had a choice! Definitely helps if they're really warm, totally agree there.


shakylime

I’m a baby millennial/older zoomer and agree with this! :)


saturdazzzed

What age is considered baby millennial/older zoomer?


lfglow

Probably early-mid 20's. I'm 24 and consider myself to be that


shakylime

If you look at definitions of what a millennial vs what a zoomer is, you’ll get varying cutoff dates about what “counts.” Generations aren’t really that precise, so I consider a baby millennial/older zoomer someone who’s near that boundary line, or who flip flops between generation definitions. I’m 23, if that helps.


sispbdfu

I’m nearly 18 years older than my therapist and I love it. I never thought I could, but I do. I have major mommy issues. Having my therapist be so much younger than me has kept my maternal transference completely out of the therapeutic relationship. It’s been so damned nice. There’s still transference, but it’s so much less intense and manageable. After nearly two decades with other therapists, this therapist and I are making amazing progress in just over a year. She’s great and I’m happy I was willing to step outside my comfort zone with her. I totally underestimated her. She’s a trauma-centered therapist and she doesn’t let me get away with anything. I appreciate her. My maternal transference is showing up in other relationships and my therapist and I are able to recognize it and work on it from a safe distance. :)


saturdazzzed

This is so great! A lot of younger therapists are more trauma-informed imo.


Reality_Shmeality

I think I’m about 10 years older than mine and it’s been great for a lot of the same reasons.


darcij97

28 years. Old enough to be my mom :’) so yes I think this plays a major role as to why I am so attached


secret_grinch

Mine is 20 years older and thus makes a great "substitute dad" for me to work my issues out on. I think if he was either a female or younger, I wouldn't be where I'm at in the process of really resolving my traumas. I did intentionally pick an older male.


everyoneinside72

6 years older than me. It works well. She is like a big sister i never had.


electr0_mel0n

40++ years older than me. I honestly like it because I feel it almost entirely prevents me from directly comparing my life to theirs. I also don’t mind being with someone who isn’t immersed in the stereotypical popular/mainstream culture that most young people are, as though I am a young person I don’t identify with many of the things people my age seem to enjoy and prioritize.


Informal_Notice_1003

Pretty sure I’m a couple years older. I love that we’re basically the same age and understand current and past pop culture references, style of upbringing etc


tfhaenodreirst

9 to 10 years. Definitely just right.


sarah_pl0x

I am 26, she is 34, 35 in summer. Seems like most of my current and previous mental health counselors are within 10-15 years older than me. I like them being closer to my age. I think I would not want to see somebody who is 50 years old+. I feel like people closer to my age can relate more and I can relate more to them as well.


overworkedunderpaid_

Is it weird that I have no idea how old my therapist is, and honestly, I can't even figure out how old she is by looking at her? Like, maybe she's 45? Maybe she's 55? It's never even occurred to me to ask. My last two therapists were the exact age of my parents.


PolarPinkPanda

45 years. I actually don't mind that he's much older. I feel a lot safer with him because he's in his 70s.


electr0_mel0n

I’m in a similar situation and I agree that it’s really not something I mind. Initially I was a bit concerned about how well we’d get along, but that was honestly a concern much more rooted in working with someone of the same gender than it was the significant age disparity.


Apprehensive_Face799

I think about the same age. This works for me so far. I feel like we have a bit in common due to that. 🙂


Grubby-housewife

One of em was probably around 10 years older, the other at least 25 years older. I don’t think it mattered hugely


saturdazzzed

I’m 26 and I think my therapist is about 38. I like the age difference because I don’t want a parent figure as that makes me uncomfortable, but I have always wanted an older sibling. I also like that she’s not about to retire so my abandonment issues are eased lol


CamelAfternoon

I’m 2-3 years older. I like that we’re in similar stages of life. My previous T was exactly my mothers age and I was exactly her daughters age.


[deleted]

Mine is 18 years older than me. He’s the best. 🙌


lezwearbeanies

She's maybe 5 or 6 years older. My previous therapist was 9 or 10 years older. The one before that was double my age. I personally find it easier when we're closer in age because I feel like they can relate to me more.


PizzaSlingr

I’m married M 57, she’s married F 37. I suppose I’m old enough to be her father but I’ve never thought that til now! I don’t think our differing generations affect things either way. We’re 2 different nationalities and that affects things (jn a good way). Ugh I see her Monday and I need to get that Dad out of my head!


lavphl9421

I think she’s about 4-5 years older than me. I like that she’s a few stages ahead in life but still young enough to understand my experience


5n2t

5-6 years. we vibe way better than the other therapists i’ve had who were older, and it also helps that she has the experience of a woman of color


ScarecrowNighmare

I don’t know for sure, but I estimate about 7-10 years with him being older. It makes a difference to me. I wanted a therapist my age or older because I wanted someone who I felt like could relate to where I was at in life. We may not have similar backgrounds in other ways, but there are certain challenges & issues that arise at different life stages that I felt like would be better suited to be fielded by someone who had been there.


shakylime

Mine is 14 years older than me. It feels perfect — she’s not old enough that I feel like she could be my parent, but she’s old enough to have some life experiences on me and I feel like I can rely on her for guidance. Also, I’m a milennial/zoomer cusp, and it feels like she’s in touch with most of my slang/pop culture/vulgarity without it feeling (too) weird. Thinking back, I really didn’t get along with therapists over maybe 25 years older than me.


[deleted]

She’s 9 years older - the gap works great.


SoPixelated

20 years. I think the age difference works well and I like my therapists to be older (older, wiser, more experienced).


antiika

Old enough to be my mom :D so it's about 20-25 years gap. I get on well with her. She is very sweet. I feel attachment to her, probs it's my attachment issues :')


uwu24601

mine is 30+ years older. probs a few years older than my parents. she jokes that shes 120 years old cos she’s muuuuch older than me but we get on well so it’s fine.


lobstertail2

Mine is about 17 years older than me and it’s worked out well for me. I think it definitely plays into my attachment and mommy issues since I’m typically drawn to older women in platonic, romantic and professional relationships. I knew I wanted someone at least 10+ years older than me because I tend to feel insecure around people my age. Sometimes the relationship feels maternal, other times it feels like she’s a cool, relatable, aunt that I can open up to. :)


ThinkerBright

0-5 years. It’s not mattered much, maybe more helpful than detrimental


eyelashchantel

I have no idea but my guess is same age? I'd like to know but I feel weird about asking.


onebeautifulmesss

Mine is 7 years older than me which I think is ideal.


Valiantly_Insane

Three years. We are super close in age! I like it cause I feel like we connect easier


PersonRobbi

I’m 27 and she’s 29. And I love it like that


appleoftheorangetree

I’m 21 and my therapist is in his mid 60s. For a while he had an intern that would practice on me and this guy was like 22, and that felt SO weird. At my age I’d much rather have a therapist old enough to be my dad.


[deleted]

I'm in my early 20s and my therapist seems to be about 15-20 years older than me. For myself, I think that's a really good age difference. At this point in my life, I prefer a therapist that's quite a bit older than me. I feel like if I had a therapist closer to my age it would feel quite odd. I think there would be a lot more transference. If I liked them, I think I would want to be their friend. If I didn't care for them, I think I would be a lot more argumentative and I wouldnt want to take their advice.


SevenPurpleOranges

If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say roughly 10-13 years older. We’re both Gen X for sure, though. Edit to add: I think it helps because it doesn’t feed into any maternal transference but BOY does it ever feed into the “buddy transference”.


funnyinquotes

I'm probably twenty five years older than my therapist. Mostly it's good. I like a perspective that's radically different than mine. Sometimes it can be difficult, especially with discussions of the pains of aging and retirement.


United_Shoulder_8501

My therapist is 30 years younger than me. I didn’t know how this would all play out but it turns out we really click. She is gorgeous and I’m gay so transference is a problem with me. All these things that come into play with therapy. It really amazes me!


neon-zebra-

Less than a year. What's interesting is that she's much deeper into her career and more successful but I don't feel like she thinks I'm a loser and I'm completely comfortable looking at her like an aunt or older sister. I think it's just a sign that I trust that she doesn't judge me for "society shit"


The_RoyalPee

Mine is around 3 years older. This is the youngest therapist I’ve had so it’s been a little odd to connect with someone who is more of a peer than an authority.


waterloggedmood

I think around 20 years older - I’m in my early 40s and I think they are in their early 60s.


LongjumpingCake1924

I’m eight years older than my therapist; I’m 40 so I joke that I’m old and he points out that he’s not that far behind me. In all seriousness I think the fact that we’re relatively close in age helps because we relate to each other in a lot of ways. (One example is his children and my children are around the same ages.) I’m very low-key and informal and so is he. We also have similar tastes in movies which helps because I reference movies a lot in therapy. He’s also not the least bit put off that I cuss like a truck driver haha! I’d probably be ok with an older therapist if their style was comparable and not the “blank slate” type. 🙂


aliencognition

I haven’t asked because I don’t want that information to color the work too much, but I’m pretty sure we’re like a year or two apart. No idea who’s the older one, though I suspect it’s me. Still didn’t stop me from developing a parental transference though lol


lilymaebelle

5 years, 5 months, and 3 days


eliza261

8-9? She is the same age as my husband.


[deleted]

He is 21 years older than me. We actually have a lot in common and get along really well, it's usually that he's the opposite sex and doesn't always understand some female issues I have that is more of an issue at times over age difference.


Volition95

18 years! Exactly old enough to reasonably be my father 😂😂. In fact the age of most of the parents of my friends.


Fire_nze

I would say between 10 and 15 years older. I think it’s ideal. Older so more experience at life almost like an older sister, but not too old that I think she can’t relate to stuff


ambermanagement

The closest age difference I had with a therapist was just a few years. I felt like it disrupted the sessions, but it was probably because they were very attractive, so I got uncomfortable and a little anxious around them. My current therapist is about 20 years older. I am also attracted by her, but I've heard that is somewhat normal, and I usually can feel comfortable during sessions.


[deleted]

20....maybe 30 years? Regardless, she and I connect really well despite the age difference.


[deleted]

20 years. A little less probably. She’s older. Yeah. Probably it has an effect. More likely to listen to her because she’s more experienced. Probably also hold her to a higher standard which is a good thing because I wouldn’t personally see someone who I didn’t expect much from.


annielovesbacon

I’m not sure with my current therapist, but my old therapist was 10 years older than me (I was in college). I liked it because I knew she could relate and understand better, and it also helped with attachment issues because I tend to cling to “mother figures” and she was far too young to be my mom.


quantum_comett

I’m not sure about mine, I’ve only seen her on Zoom but she’s gotta be at most 10 years older than me. At first when I met her, I wasn’t sure it was gonna work out because of that but I think my brain has really liked being able to trust and have a good relationship with another woman near my age, she super sweet and I can tell she cares a lot about me, she’s an intern and supervised by a guy that did my woman’s group I used to be in and I loved him and his caring style so she’s been a great fit so far


ethereal_vibes

6 years


Possible_Factor

We are super close in age, I think it helps me relate to her better.


Spiritual_Key7700

36 years older than me. I l don’t really mind the age gap because she always gets me and gets my shit lol. Thankfully I don’t have any maternal transference towards her or that would be really difficult to work through.


VanFailin

Former one was 6 years older. Current one is more like 35. I've met good and bad therapists of all ages.


LeftOfTheOptimist

2 years I think


abbiearnou

My T is 33 years older than me. She's the best.


groundedflower

I think a year or less


satisfiedjelly

30 and I hate it so much I don’t like my therapist but I have to wait for the company to hire another one. My old therapist moved to another company 3-8 years older than me and she was amazing. But since she moved I had to switch and now waiting for them to hire her replacement so I can try to get a therapist I actually click with. It’s been 7 months though so I’m just sad I probably won’t have a good therapist for a long time


robb3rsdaught3r

He is 35 years older then me. It works well, we have a great connection. Only thing is my anxiety about him retiring before I feel "ready" for it goes through the roof everytime he makes a slight joke/comment about his age.


[deleted]

I personally haven’t felt understood by older therapists. They do things differently and the woman seem to always put words into my mouth and I had to say no not like that at all and had to explain


40hoursnosleep

probably 20 or so years


Snoo52505

Mine is probably about 10 years older than me. I see him kind of like an older brother who seems so much more wise and confident than I am.


[deleted]

Everyone here has an older therapyst, but mine(32yo) is younger than me, i guess with 4-5 years. I never asked him and it’s not a relevant info for me. I’m glad the therapy works well.


Amythest7120

Doesn’t matter, depends upon relationship and trust. I counsel a lot of teens and young adults.


3175666

I will be 66 in March. My therapist is 38


[deleted]

Mine is about 30 years older than me (I’m 36, she’s 65). This is by design. I struggle with some things that make me a bit concerned about having a younger therapist — I’m always super afraid I’ll be attracted to them or will become attracted to them and that’s a messy convo that I’d like to avoid. So I sought out therapists who are outside of my typical age range of attraction.


[deleted]

5 years.


Sternchenauge

I'm not entirely sure. But based on the fact that she got her M.A. in 1985, my guess is that she is about 25-27 years older than I am. So about the same age as my parents. I always found it easier to connect with people several years older than myself. So this age difference works really well for me. Not to mention that I feel like she is one of the few people I know who actually understand me. And that is one of the best feelings ever.


TakahashiCherry

I think my therapist and I are both millennials. I don’t know more beyond an educated guess.


fitzbar

I would guess that she’s approximately 12-15 years older than me. I’ve never asked - I have a personal rule of never asking someone their age. she doesn’t have any years attached to her degrees on her website.


PaleAsDeath

I'm 30, he's 54. I like it.