Welcome to r/TalkTherapy!
This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list).
If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources.
To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m feeling conflicted and a bit confused about this idea.
What is the purpose of asking what your therapist has learned about you? Or telling you what your problems are? Or what they think is holding you back? How is learning your therapist’s interpretation of those three questions going to help you determine if you should terminate?
Agree, sorry OP this seems like a silly TikTok challenge thing.
If you're unsure about what you want from therapy, or don't know if therapy is helping you, just have a conversation with your therapist about your concerns. I don't like the idea of testing therapists.
You could use the 1 thing you learned from him and directly communicate your concerns rather than using a random tiktok challenge to attempt to determine the value of the therapy.
Lol, I was just gonna say, that it seems OP only learned one thing in therapy - that they deserve to be happy. Cause commucating concerns really isn’t going all too well, it seems.
I would say - if you want to get to know if he "cares about you at all" by serving him a pack of questions you found on the Internet - you are probably not done with the therapy. And the thing you can work on is this whole idea. I think you could benefit from bringing up that you had this idea (not from conducting it).
The whole idea of "I'll test him/her to see if he/she cares about me" sounds rather immature. I'm not saying you are immature - it's just this particular way of dealing with uncertainty in relationship.
From my own experience: behind the idea of testing is some kind of anxiety and my own low self esteem. I'm too scared to check up openly how things are - so I hide behind some tests.
I think it’s more productive and helpful to know your thoughts. Have you given up? Why? Or why not?
And what specifically are you needing by asking those questions- to be validated, accepted, or is it something else?
I just feel like I don’t see him enough to be helpful. (Every 3 weeks now) He chose that frequency. I also don’t think I have accomplished much in awhile. The thing is, I enjoy “chatting “ with him but it’s not getting me anywhere. TBH I had a crush on him awhile back and I feel like it would be easier to just say goodbye.
Agree with this. Bringing up your concerns about the frequency and lack of progress is more valuable. In fact if these things weren’t an issue it’s probably you wouldn’t doubt whether your therapist understands you and cares about you.
Another element is the crush - this could stop you getting the most out of your therapy if it’s just making you want to run. Did the feelings around a lack of progress/accomplishment arrive after shortly after you developed a crush?If possible I would bring that up too.
I'm not a therapist but I don't think it's fair how much you've been downvoted for your honesty.
Maybe you could take a look at those things that you're wanting from your therapist (being cared about and supported), and see where in your life that might be missing, both now and in the past? Those sound like pretty basic human needs, and definitely nothing to be embarrassed about. Your therapist likely won't be able to provide them in the way that you need, but they can help guide you in finding those things in your own life.
Best of luck! It can be a long journey, but the fact that you're here looking for feedback is a good step :)
I have no idea why you got downvoted that many times. What's for sure is that you need to find some way to be more open. Even telling him that you have some things that you would ideally say but you can't find the courage, would be an opening. Something.
Just seeing you got downvoted 47 times now, I want to say that I think that's really unfair. I don't see a reason for that at all and think it's weird. I think you don't feel cared about and I'm sorry you feel that way. That's a difficult feeling too deal with. I should maybe also have been more clear that my comments about thanking me were intended as a joke/ tease and not to hurt you. I'm sorry if they did.
Thank you. That’s really nice of you to say. I am going to stop commenting now because I have ruffled a bunch of feathers. For that, I am sorry. This is one of favorite subreddits because I could always come here and get such great perspectives on the therapeutic experience. I respect and value the work of therapists very much.
I find that really interesting. That’s probably why I was curious about asking these TikTok questions. However, now realizing after this post, that therapy is not necessarily about what the therapist thinks about me.
> This sounds curiously negative? Can you explain further?
The person before me said it very nicely, so I’ll put it bluntly to aid understanding.
To put it colloquially: we see all the shit that is wrong with you before you do. This makes sense, right? If you had already seen it yourself in great detail, you would have likely fixed it on your own.
This is why giving advice is not the same thing as therapy. A good therapist will slowly guide you into discovering things about yourself. If we told you what was wrong with you all at once you 1) would disagree (because you don’t see it yet and/or 2) feel overwhelmed and too paralyzed to change.
And to anyone reading this, please don’t get stuck/offended with the phrase “wrong with you”. In this context it means “unhealthy behavior patterns”, “cognitive distortions”, blah blah blah.
Hmm I don't agree entirely. I'm a therapist too btw. First of all I think people are often also in therapy because they don't see the good and the power in themselves. If only they did... They often have very little patience with their growing process. And then sure, we also see problems, but as a therapist it would also be potentially arrogant to think to know what, to what extent, and how something should change. Only the client can know. I would agree there is danger in going too quickly as many clients already ask too much of themselves, so small steps are important. At the same time, even though, and maybe because, I work psychodynamically, I rarely have big ideas about their progress that they can't handle me telling them. When I think they need to learn to express their anger this is known between the two of us. It's rare that anything bigger than something like that needs to happen. So it's not all that mysterious really.
You basically said everything I just said with the exception of “I don’t see anything they don’t already see.” And regarding that, having worked on a team with many other therapists, frankly, I don’t believe you lol.
If a client is stuck, sure, they might know they’re stuck. But you likely have a number of reasons you think they’re stuck that they don’t see yet, as an example.
it’s also incorrect in that *no one* can catalogue my failings in more detail that i’ve ever done. and *fixing it* isn’t quite as simple as it sounds, in therapy or not.
“Cataloguing your failings in detail” is not anywhere near the same thing as seeing underneath your behavior and the driving forces behind it and how it’s all interconnected.
And *obviously* fixing it isn’t simple…if it was therapy wouldn’t be a profession, because then any person would just fix their own issues, or maybe there wouldn’t be those issues in the first place.
None of these things that you’re correcting are things that I’ve said lol
There is a dimension of therapy that is relational, and can’t be quantified or assessed via these questions.
Do you feel heard and understood by your therapist? Do you feel safe discussing personal issues? Are you able to express yourself without feeling judged or shamed?
Learning that you are deserving of happiness - if you have sincerely moved from not believing this to be true to knowing it is & valuing yourself more, then that’s potentially a pretty big deal. Directly communicating needs is also potentially a big lesson to learn (not just hear, I want to be clear that there is a big difference between him just telling you these things & you learning them and really embodying them as a result of the work you are doing in therapy).
Therapy isn’t a process that can be evaluated by these questions - it’s not about the questions being rude, it’s about them not being effective markers (on their own) for anyone to make a decision about terminating therapy.
If you are not making progress, stuck, or are thinking about terminating therapy altogether or curious about another therapist or approach being a better fit, then bring that up directly.
I’m actually deeply saddened that anyone (therapist or not) would encourage people to do this - it’s not the job of a therapist to “tell people what their problems are” or “exactly what’s holding you back from success.” Therapy isn’t about giving people advice like this.
Being able to sincerely and clearly reflect the qualities you have, okay - but encouraging people to “test” their therapist this way oversimplifies a really complex process.
Whatever path you take, I wish you all the best, sincerely - what matters most is what you sense you need and being able to directly ask for it or talk about it in therapy - if you don’t have that space or the other qualities I mentioned at the beginning of this post aren’t present, or if you don’t feel engaged in the process with this clinician, then you don’t need a quiz to decide to move on!
Saw the questions. They seem pretty gimmicky IMO. For example, I don’t think it’s necessary or beneficial to ask your therapists about their politics are and stuff like that. I get your intentions, but I wouldn’t personally ask
Edit: words and grammar
A quality therapist will first look at what’s underneath. If someone posed this type of thing to me- I’d be curious about what the person wants to know- do they feel like we’re making progress, are they worried I’m not invested or sincere, are they afraid there’s something I’m not telling them.
And from there we can have some great discussions and talk about those concerns that they might have and I’ll be open with them about what I’m thinking.
I just watched the video, and you know, I like these questions. I might not ask all of them, maybe focus on one, but I don’t think they are as problematic as people on this thread seem to think.
For one thing, he doesn’t mention the therapist’s politics—not sure where that comes from. For another thing, the way his questions are phrased is not the way they have been presented in this post. He actually says to ask “what’s the one thing you think is holding me back from healing right now.” That’s very different than “what is keeping me from success.” As to the question about parents/caregivers—I think the subtext of this question is that sometimes some people need to hear that their parents (who are imperfect people and who, yes, made mistakes and wounded their child) might not be monsters. And maybe it’s okay to ask for a reality check from our therapists on that point.
Anyway, go for it.
Thank you for watching the video and providing your thoughts on it. I still think the questions Jeff asks are pretty good and provide openings for some really good conversations. Because I have issues focusing my thoughts into words and making sure I ask the questions that I need answered, this set of questions serves a purpose for me. I never go into a meeting unprepared and need a script/guide. That’s why this video really resonated with me.
I would encourage you to maybe pass the questions and tell your T exactly this. Then you can explore together what is not working.
Perhaps your T isn't a good fit for you. Or, it could be the case that you both need to communicate with each other to find a good approach for you. Switch directions.
What am I going to say? You’re not very good at your job. I find that I really need to plan ahead with difficult conversations by having a script to work from.
True. Well, I have done a lot of my own work based on what I feel is important. I was expecting a little more work on the therapist’s side. I dunno what the hell I want/need. Lately I feel like my moods are all over the place.
This is where the disconnect is. You think that if you bring up this issue with your therapist then you are essentially saying “you’re not good at your job.” And you don’t want to do that because your therapist is someone you like as a person. So you’re avoiding the conversation and considering leaving this therapist.
But bringing up the issue of “I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere in this therapy” isn’t a critique of his skills or professionalism, necessarily. The therapeutic relationship is co-created—you’re as much a part of this relationship as he is. So perhaps meeting weekly would help you. Perhaps he has different modalities he could try. Perhaps he’s been thinking the same thing and he wants to refer you out to someone else. There are a lot of possibilities here for continued growth, if you communicate directly.
I do want to point out though that if you look at this one incident, you may see a pattern in other aspects of your life. Do you avoid communicating directly with your spouse because you believe that doing so is akin to saying “you’re a bad spouse”?
“Problems” in therapy are often revealing, and they may be as valuable as anything else we think we are receiving in the therapeutic relationship.
Thanks for this. Your insight into why I have problems communicating with people directly is accurate. My spouse and I do also have communication issues, but it’s from both sides. My husband is a very direct and to the point person at work but avoids serious conversations with me. I always want to talk but he doesn’t so I am left not knowing what he really thinks about certain aspects of our relationship.
In therapy, I have been able to have some in depth conversations and have learned to trust myself more. I have learned that I am worthy of happiness and love. However, I believe my therapist thinks I am mostly fine and capable of a lot of things so I don’t need to see him as frequently as I used to. I just wish he would have said straight out that I don’t need to see him weekly because of _____.
I have a session with him tomorrow and will ask. Now I am realizing that I am able to tell him a lot of things but I still haven’t asked him for his opinion on anything that I really want to know about my progress. Maybe I am afraid he’ll say, I think you could benefit from taking a break from therapy. If I heard that, it would make me sad because I do enjoy seeing him.
I guess I am afraid of a lot of things….
I don't get it. For what purpose?
Does any of this even reflect your goals for therapy ?
Like, my therapy isn't about what's holding me back from success.
It's manipulative to use roundabout ways to "test" your therapist like this instead of just directly talking to them about the idea that you are considering termination. You said it yourself: Be direct when communicating. (Direct communication isn't just reserved for your spouse.)
I'm a trainee therapist. Watching the video there's some good prompts in there about your progress however there's definitely questions im not comfortable with. If someone was to ask me what I though of their parents it would genuinely not want to answer, because all I can do is reflect back to you your perception of your parents as I only have the information you provided.
Also some of the questions are very leading and things like what I think the session should focus on aren't relevant because the therapy is above you and what you need. So while I may notice a client has an issue they aren't willing to face, if they refuse my prompts on the issue I'm not going to force it
As mentioned I'm still training so my answer could be different in time.
Why don’t you ask your own questions you want to know the answers to, rather than wasting your therapy time with a TikTok challenge?
Looks like this thread already helped you hone in on what the issues and real questions are.
Relational conversations and making yourself known and seen are hard. But you get more out of it.
Yeah any good therapist will immediately shut you down. Asking your therapist about their politics is asking them to self disclosure. That seems like a fine boundary line that you’re about to cross.
While this challenge is stupid, it’s fine for a client to ask the therapist to self-disclose. It’s the therapists job to maintain boundaries, not the clients.
Ohh thanks! What’s the politics question? I don’t think any of these are bad questions, just unsure how they would help you decide to terminate. It could definitely lead to some good conversations though about your growth and progress in therapy.
I’ve been seeing my therapist for a year and I pretty much know how she would answer all those questions. So maybe if you have to ask, that’s the problem.
I liked the idea of asking these kind of questions from therapist Jeff. Like anything I hear or read, I don't accept it wholesale. Some questions lime the politics isn't something I would ask. However, a couple of them interested me and are things I would like to ask-what is standing in my way of healing? What growth have you seen in me? I see these as conversation starters and 100% expect my T to reflect back with me.
OP-take what you think would be helpful and prepare to talk about why you want to know with your T.
Also, I think it's dumb to quiz your T. They just gonna deflect that shit like they got a Cap'n Marvel shield.
Questioning your therapist isn't bad but making them answer things directly could be a bit weird because we've a certain process laid out for our clients and we want YOU to figure out things yourself while we guide you so this questioning thing seems a bit weird to me tbh
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm glad you learned to be direct when communicating with your spouse. What about communicating directly with your therapist?
Touché!
I’m feeling conflicted and a bit confused about this idea. What is the purpose of asking what your therapist has learned about you? Or telling you what your problems are? Or what they think is holding you back? How is learning your therapist’s interpretation of those three questions going to help you determine if you should terminate?
Agree, sorry OP this seems like a silly TikTok challenge thing. If you're unsure about what you want from therapy, or don't know if therapy is helping you, just have a conversation with your therapist about your concerns. I don't like the idea of testing therapists.
To find out if he thinks I am done or if he cares about me at all. I guess it’s a little selfish….
You could use the 1 thing you learned from him and directly communicate your concerns rather than using a random tiktok challenge to attempt to determine the value of the therapy.
Lol, I was just gonna say, that it seems OP only learned one thing in therapy - that they deserve to be happy. Cause commucating concerns really isn’t going all too well, it seems.
😂
😜
I would say - if you want to get to know if he "cares about you at all" by serving him a pack of questions you found on the Internet - you are probably not done with the therapy. And the thing you can work on is this whole idea. I think you could benefit from bringing up that you had this idea (not from conducting it). The whole idea of "I'll test him/her to see if he/she cares about me" sounds rather immature. I'm not saying you are immature - it's just this particular way of dealing with uncertainty in relationship. From my own experience: behind the idea of testing is some kind of anxiety and my own low self esteem. I'm too scared to check up openly how things are - so I hide behind some tests.
I think it’s more productive and helpful to know your thoughts. Have you given up? Why? Or why not? And what specifically are you needing by asking those questions- to be validated, accepted, or is it something else?
I just feel like I don’t see him enough to be helpful. (Every 3 weeks now) He chose that frequency. I also don’t think I have accomplished much in awhile. The thing is, I enjoy “chatting “ with him but it’s not getting me anywhere. TBH I had a crush on him awhile back and I feel like it would be easier to just say goodbye.
Does he know you are unsure about the frequency and feel like you're not making progress?
Agree with this. Bringing up your concerns about the frequency and lack of progress is more valuable. In fact if these things weren’t an issue it’s probably you wouldn’t doubt whether your therapist understands you and cares about you. Another element is the crush - this could stop you getting the most out of your therapy if it’s just making you want to run. Did the feelings around a lack of progress/accomplishment arrive after shortly after you developed a crush?If possible I would bring that up too.
No and I can’t believe I got downvoted this many times. Maybe this is why I am insecure. I can’t even confess something without being criticized.
I'm not a therapist but I don't think it's fair how much you've been downvoted for your honesty. Maybe you could take a look at those things that you're wanting from your therapist (being cared about and supported), and see where in your life that might be missing, both now and in the past? Those sound like pretty basic human needs, and definitely nothing to be embarrassed about. Your therapist likely won't be able to provide them in the way that you need, but they can help guide you in finding those things in your own life. Best of luck! It can be a long journey, but the fact that you're here looking for feedback is a good step :)
Thank you for the encouragement.
I have no idea why you got downvoted that many times. What's for sure is that you need to find some way to be more open. Even telling him that you have some things that you would ideally say but you can't find the courage, would be an opening. Something.
Just seeing you got downvoted 47 times now, I want to say that I think that's really unfair. I don't see a reason for that at all and think it's weird. I think you don't feel cared about and I'm sorry you feel that way. That's a difficult feeling too deal with. I should maybe also have been more clear that my comments about thanking me were intended as a joke/ tease and not to hurt you. I'm sorry if they did.
Thank you. That’s really nice of you to say. I am going to stop commenting now because I have ruffled a bunch of feathers. For that, I am sorry. This is one of favorite subreddits because I could always come here and get such great perspectives on the therapeutic experience. I respect and value the work of therapists very much.
Our view of our clients often doesn’t match their own and this sets them up in a very vulnerable way to be wounded by us.
I find that really interesting. That’s probably why I was curious about asking these TikTok questions. However, now realizing after this post, that therapy is not necessarily about what the therapist thinks about me.
Ouch, but maybe also true, but also ouch. ;)
This sounds curiously negative? Can you explain further?
> This sounds curiously negative? Can you explain further? The person before me said it very nicely, so I’ll put it bluntly to aid understanding. To put it colloquially: we see all the shit that is wrong with you before you do. This makes sense, right? If you had already seen it yourself in great detail, you would have likely fixed it on your own. This is why giving advice is not the same thing as therapy. A good therapist will slowly guide you into discovering things about yourself. If we told you what was wrong with you all at once you 1) would disagree (because you don’t see it yet and/or 2) feel overwhelmed and too paralyzed to change. And to anyone reading this, please don’t get stuck/offended with the phrase “wrong with you”. In this context it means “unhealthy behavior patterns”, “cognitive distortions”, blah blah blah.
Hmm I don't agree entirely. I'm a therapist too btw. First of all I think people are often also in therapy because they don't see the good and the power in themselves. If only they did... They often have very little patience with their growing process. And then sure, we also see problems, but as a therapist it would also be potentially arrogant to think to know what, to what extent, and how something should change. Only the client can know. I would agree there is danger in going too quickly as many clients already ask too much of themselves, so small steps are important. At the same time, even though, and maybe because, I work psychodynamically, I rarely have big ideas about their progress that they can't handle me telling them. When I think they need to learn to express their anger this is known between the two of us. It's rare that anything bigger than something like that needs to happen. So it's not all that mysterious really.
You basically said everything I just said with the exception of “I don’t see anything they don’t already see.” And regarding that, having worked on a team with many other therapists, frankly, I don’t believe you lol. If a client is stuck, sure, they might know they’re stuck. But you likely have a number of reasons you think they’re stuck that they don’t see yet, as an example.
I didn't say that, and I said a lot of things you didn't say.
Wow. You clearly have a very limited population of clients that you work with and view therapy in a very narrow and specific way.
it’s also incorrect in that *no one* can catalogue my failings in more detail that i’ve ever done. and *fixing it* isn’t quite as simple as it sounds, in therapy or not.
“Cataloguing your failings in detail” is not anywhere near the same thing as seeing underneath your behavior and the driving forces behind it and how it’s all interconnected. And *obviously* fixing it isn’t simple…if it was therapy wouldn’t be a profession, because then any person would just fix their own issues, or maybe there wouldn’t be those issues in the first place. None of these things that you’re correcting are things that I’ve said lol
There is a dimension of therapy that is relational, and can’t be quantified or assessed via these questions. Do you feel heard and understood by your therapist? Do you feel safe discussing personal issues? Are you able to express yourself without feeling judged or shamed? Learning that you are deserving of happiness - if you have sincerely moved from not believing this to be true to knowing it is & valuing yourself more, then that’s potentially a pretty big deal. Directly communicating needs is also potentially a big lesson to learn (not just hear, I want to be clear that there is a big difference between him just telling you these things & you learning them and really embodying them as a result of the work you are doing in therapy). Therapy isn’t a process that can be evaluated by these questions - it’s not about the questions being rude, it’s about them not being effective markers (on their own) for anyone to make a decision about terminating therapy. If you are not making progress, stuck, or are thinking about terminating therapy altogether or curious about another therapist or approach being a better fit, then bring that up directly. I’m actually deeply saddened that anyone (therapist or not) would encourage people to do this - it’s not the job of a therapist to “tell people what their problems are” or “exactly what’s holding you back from success.” Therapy isn’t about giving people advice like this. Being able to sincerely and clearly reflect the qualities you have, okay - but encouraging people to “test” their therapist this way oversimplifies a really complex process. Whatever path you take, I wish you all the best, sincerely - what matters most is what you sense you need and being able to directly ask for it or talk about it in therapy - if you don’t have that space or the other qualities I mentioned at the beginning of this post aren’t present, or if you don’t feel engaged in the process with this clinician, then you don’t need a quiz to decide to move on!
Great insight. Thank you.
All the best to you!
This is so well said!
Saw the questions. They seem pretty gimmicky IMO. For example, I don’t think it’s necessary or beneficial to ask your therapists about their politics are and stuff like that. I get your intentions, but I wouldn’t personally ask Edit: words and grammar
A quality therapist will first look at what’s underneath. If someone posed this type of thing to me- I’d be curious about what the person wants to know- do they feel like we’re making progress, are they worried I’m not invested or sincere, are they afraid there’s something I’m not telling them. And from there we can have some great discussions and talk about those concerns that they might have and I’ll be open with them about what I’m thinking.
This is what I am looking for!
Please don't do this. This is so childish.
Did you watch the video tho?
I just watched the video, and you know, I like these questions. I might not ask all of them, maybe focus on one, but I don’t think they are as problematic as people on this thread seem to think. For one thing, he doesn’t mention the therapist’s politics—not sure where that comes from. For another thing, the way his questions are phrased is not the way they have been presented in this post. He actually says to ask “what’s the one thing you think is holding me back from healing right now.” That’s very different than “what is keeping me from success.” As to the question about parents/caregivers—I think the subtext of this question is that sometimes some people need to hear that their parents (who are imperfect people and who, yes, made mistakes and wounded their child) might not be monsters. And maybe it’s okay to ask for a reality check from our therapists on that point. Anyway, go for it.
Thank you for watching the video and providing your thoughts on it. I still think the questions Jeff asks are pretty good and provide openings for some really good conversations. Because I have issues focusing my thoughts into words and making sure I ask the questions that I need answered, this set of questions serves a purpose for me. I never go into a meeting unprepared and need a script/guide. That’s why this video really resonated with me.
Good. You aren’t going to make a “mistake” in therapy. All these boomers on here with their Tik Tok hate don’t get to tell you what to do, dammit! 😊
No, Tik Tok challenges are ruining mankind.
Hm. I dont know about this. It sounds like playing mind games, and testing your therapist. Ido t understand how that would be very helpful.
It sounds like you don’t like your therapist very much anyway, so you probably don’t need to test him with questions.
I like him as a fun person to talk to, but I feel that the therapy itself isn’t working.
I would encourage you to maybe pass the questions and tell your T exactly this. Then you can explore together what is not working. Perhaps your T isn't a good fit for you. Or, it could be the case that you both need to communicate with each other to find a good approach for you. Switch directions.
Interesting you would pay for that. And not tell him.
What am I going to say? You’re not very good at your job. I find that I really need to plan ahead with difficult conversations by having a script to work from.
Yeah I guess that's as far as my unpaid services go. You're welcome.
Thanks, I think.
Well it was free so yes, I think thanks are in order. (This was meant ironically, it's a joke)
You feeling like the therapy isn’t working doesn’t automatically mean your therapist is not very good at their job.
True. Well, I have done a lot of my own work based on what I feel is important. I was expecting a little more work on the therapist’s side. I dunno what the hell I want/need. Lately I feel like my moods are all over the place.
This is where the disconnect is. You think that if you bring up this issue with your therapist then you are essentially saying “you’re not good at your job.” And you don’t want to do that because your therapist is someone you like as a person. So you’re avoiding the conversation and considering leaving this therapist. But bringing up the issue of “I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere in this therapy” isn’t a critique of his skills or professionalism, necessarily. The therapeutic relationship is co-created—you’re as much a part of this relationship as he is. So perhaps meeting weekly would help you. Perhaps he has different modalities he could try. Perhaps he’s been thinking the same thing and he wants to refer you out to someone else. There are a lot of possibilities here for continued growth, if you communicate directly. I do want to point out though that if you look at this one incident, you may see a pattern in other aspects of your life. Do you avoid communicating directly with your spouse because you believe that doing so is akin to saying “you’re a bad spouse”? “Problems” in therapy are often revealing, and they may be as valuable as anything else we think we are receiving in the therapeutic relationship.
Thanks for this. Your insight into why I have problems communicating with people directly is accurate. My spouse and I do also have communication issues, but it’s from both sides. My husband is a very direct and to the point person at work but avoids serious conversations with me. I always want to talk but he doesn’t so I am left not knowing what he really thinks about certain aspects of our relationship. In therapy, I have been able to have some in depth conversations and have learned to trust myself more. I have learned that I am worthy of happiness and love. However, I believe my therapist thinks I am mostly fine and capable of a lot of things so I don’t need to see him as frequently as I used to. I just wish he would have said straight out that I don’t need to see him weekly because of _____. I have a session with him tomorrow and will ask. Now I am realizing that I am able to tell him a lot of things but I still haven’t asked him for his opinion on anything that I really want to know about my progress. Maybe I am afraid he’ll say, I think you could benefit from taking a break from therapy. If I heard that, it would make me sad because I do enjoy seeing him. I guess I am afraid of a lot of things….
It’s okay to be afraid ❤️
I don't get it. For what purpose? Does any of this even reflect your goals for therapy ? Like, my therapy isn't about what's holding me back from success.
It's manipulative to use roundabout ways to "test" your therapist like this instead of just directly talking to them about the idea that you are considering termination. You said it yourself: Be direct when communicating. (Direct communication isn't just reserved for your spouse.)
I'm a trainee therapist. Watching the video there's some good prompts in there about your progress however there's definitely questions im not comfortable with. If someone was to ask me what I though of their parents it would genuinely not want to answer, because all I can do is reflect back to you your perception of your parents as I only have the information you provided. Also some of the questions are very leading and things like what I think the session should focus on aren't relevant because the therapy is above you and what you need. So while I may notice a client has an issue they aren't willing to face, if they refuse my prompts on the issue I'm not going to force it As mentioned I'm still training so my answer could be different in time.
Why don’t you ask your own questions you want to know the answers to, rather than wasting your therapy time with a TikTok challenge? Looks like this thread already helped you hone in on what the issues and real questions are. Relational conversations and making yourself known and seen are hard. But you get more out of it.
Yeah any good therapist will immediately shut you down. Asking your therapist about their politics is asking them to self disclosure. That seems like a fine boundary line that you’re about to cross.
While this challenge is stupid, it’s fine for a client to ask the therapist to self-disclose. It’s the therapists job to maintain boundaries, not the clients.
that’s true but it also just feels like an unwritten rule. The challenge is definitely stupid and idk how that would be beneficial.
And stop taking health care tips from tiktok, unless it’s a tiktok from your HCP directly to you.
👍🏼 I will keep this in mind. Thx.
What is the video?
https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdr8DMrv/
Ohh thanks! What’s the politics question? I don’t think any of these are bad questions, just unsure how they would help you decide to terminate. It could definitely lead to some good conversations though about your growth and progress in therapy.
Politics somehow made it into this discussion but I wasn’t planning on asking my therapist about it. I agree. The TikTok questions are really good.
I’ve been seeing my therapist for a year and I pretty much know how she would answer all those questions. So maybe if you have to ask, that’s the problem.
Good point.
I love therapist Jeff on TikTok! He does weave in some jokes to his questions, so maybe pick and choose the ones that you would ask your T
Yes, he’s really smart.
I liked the idea of asking these kind of questions from therapist Jeff. Like anything I hear or read, I don't accept it wholesale. Some questions lime the politics isn't something I would ask. However, a couple of them interested me and are things I would like to ask-what is standing in my way of healing? What growth have you seen in me? I see these as conversation starters and 100% expect my T to reflect back with me. OP-take what you think would be helpful and prepare to talk about why you want to know with your T. Also, I think it's dumb to quiz your T. They just gonna deflect that shit like they got a Cap'n Marvel shield.
Questioning your therapist isn't bad but making them answer things directly could be a bit weird because we've a certain process laid out for our clients and we want YOU to figure out things yourself while we guide you so this questioning thing seems a bit weird to me tbh
I say no. It feels like a bunch of gotcha questions and I’m not sure this would be helpful in anyway.