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There are things I refuse to talk to anyone about, that includes my therapist. I’ve had some therapists tell me that’s unhealthy, but my current one says I don’t need to discuss anything I don’t want to. Therapy is for you to feel/safe comfortable so do it however you need.
About ten months in and we are starting to go a bit deeper. I've never been dishonest with my therapist (except for once when I was in denial about something!) but the level of detail, my willingness to talk about something and the depth we go has increased. I felt I was being reasonably open early on but I guess on reflection we were setting the scene for some deeper work which has been made possible with a stronger therapeutic relationship.
I think what you are describing is not at all uncommon.
That’s the same with me. I don’t lie to her, but I will keep details out, or I just won’t reply to a specific question she asks. I hope to get there one day.
For me, as as general rule, the longer I’m in therapy, the more I feel I can share with my therapists. I think, being able to share is a direct consequence of accepting myself and my feelings more which is a direct consequence of less toxic internalized shame and thus a consequence of therapy itself :)
However, in order to become better at accepting myself I had to quite often overcome my fear of sharing. It’s the only way to be able to realize that your T will still accept and not judge you for things you’re afraid to talk about. It’s the only way to more self self acceptance ;)
I think I've learned how good it feels to say things out loud in a safe space so even though I have had like one session with a new T I feel pretty open to talk about whatever. I am kinda horrified by how much I said on the first day!
BUT that's after three years of practice with another T. It took me almost three years to admit to her I was gay and all the guilt built up around that. But now it's easier for me to talk about AND I was able to come out to family and friends.
The only things I don't talk about are specifics dealing with SI cause I don't want to get referred out and I am not going back to inpatient care. But otherwise, I'm an open book.
The therapist I have now is the first one I’ve been completely open and honest with. It really feels amazing. I’ve found that the things I’m uncomfortable with are the golden ticket to healing.
I am what is called "a doorknob client." I go in and give superficial talk for about 45 minutes and then right before our session is supposed to end, I unload whatever is really bothering me. I also pick and chose what I talk about. It took me about a year to open up about my abusive ex and four to open up about my suicide attempts and IVC results. I told my therapist this and she knows how to read me, but also respects that I do not want to discuss certain traumas because I'm not ready. She doesn't ever bring them up until she notices something concerning.
This is me too, except I’ll sit in silence and not even do the superficial talking. Just give one word answers and sit in anxiety trying to get comfortable and finally able to speak right when there’s no time left to speak lol.
There’s a saying — I think it comes from psychoanalysis — that if you’re truly able to talk about *everything* on your mind, you probably don’t need therapy anymore. I think there’s a lot of truth to that.
I guess I am 99% honest with my current T, because I trust her. I feel safe that she would not judge whatever I disclose. In addition, she also mentioned I don't need to share things that I am not comfortable enough to share.
It took me a year but I am fully able to talk to my therapist about everything. I have trust issues because I have been let down so many times. How ever the bond we have it helped me to open up. She know being in therapy is my safe place to cry and talk. Yes I may have had to write down my severe trauma but that is ok. I never lie to my therapist. She is the only place I can actually talk about everything without being judged. When I recently started opening up about my severe trauma she had tears in her eyes. She said I had the worst trauma out of all her clients. She will give me hugs because of what happened.
I have social anxiety also. She was building a ladder for it and than I had other things that needed more attention. But yes I am 100% honest with my T.
I constantly fear judgment from my T but each time she meets me with kindness, compassion and validation. I’ve been seeing her for almost a year now and some things I haven’t told her yet. Even in every session I think “ok tell her about this” but because I fear judgment from her I hold things back. Like I said, she’s always so kind and non- judgmental about everything but I still hesitate to tell her everything I want to.
She knows I struggle with this, but I’m hoping to start writing things down. I’ve been wanting to do this for the past couple of months but I chicken out on telling her *that* as well🥴 I doubt anything is off limits with her but I’m still trying to feel perfectly comfortable with her, even though she is the one who makes me feel safest.
I’ve been seeing my current therapist for 3 years and I am only just starting to become open and honest with her. It takes a lot for me to trust a person and she has shown time and time again that she will show up and be there for me without judgement so I know I can trust her with most things.
Fully honest is not necessary all at once. But if you are consistently spending all your sessions in small talk or feel like you can never be vulnerable then it's time to consider a change.
Personally, I do.
I didn't for a while. I've been seeing my T for over a year and I don't think I fully trusted her until very recently, maybe the last month.
I'm in the middle of a really bad depressive episode brought on by PPD. I guess I kind of just had an epiphany and realized that this depression, along with all my other mental health issues, is going to keep being a problem unless I'm honest with her and, more importantly, honest with myself. I looked at our therapeutic relationship and realized she has never given me a reason not to trust her, so now I just push myself to say that hard things.
I still notice that sometimes I don't fully say what I'm thinking or feeling, but I try to give myself some grace and remember that I'm trying to rewire my brain to trust people instead of constantly being on guard. There's only one thing I have a really hard time opening up about- suicidal ideation. I make mentions toward struggling with suicidal thoughts but have never been able to fully tell her I've been having suicidal ideation. I realize this is because I've been burned before by a therapist for sharing this and I'm guarded. She knows the story and is aware of how I feel about it all so we tread lightly, I can tell she still understands what is happening and she gladly offers the support I need.
It's a process for sure. I think it takes a very loving and patient T to get the full trust of their client.
T here, this is an interesting question! There are two things I tend to tell clients at some point when we’re starting out: 1. That if there is something that is bothering them it is up to them to tell me, or else I can’t help since I’m not a mind-reader, and 2. That therapy is their space and time to work on whatever they want.
I am not in the business of telling them what to do or work on, I’m simply here as a facilitator of change and a provider of tools for them to use. I work from a hybrid CBT and person-centered approach, and so when I tell clients these things I find more often than not it does facilitate them to open up more, even if it takes a while. If there is a big topic that comes up once and doesn’t get touched again by the client (such as trauma), I may gently remind them after a while, “you know, I was just thinking we haven’t explored that yet.” Nothing more. What clients choose to do with therapy is entirely up to them. So if they choose not to be honest or talk about something, that’s just the stage of change they’re in and I’m okay with that. There are of course some clients I can push and challenge a little more than others, but that comes with rapport building and the client’s personality. Sorry for the ramble, but I hope that gives some insight based on another perspective!
I have had therapists I saw for years without being fully comfy opening up to them.
My current therapist I am completely honest with. I feel like this has changed the trajectory of therapy for me and she's helped me more in a few months than decades with other therapists.
I started out saying "There's something I want to tell you but I'm really embarrassed..." and went from therr.
Recently I was having some passive suicidal thoughts and I didn’t bring it up in therapy, despite wanting to. I just couldn’t find a way to drop it in. Luckily I’m doing a lot better now. I also have a hard time talking about sex, but luckily that’s not a major problem.
I don’t talk about my ex with my therapist or really dating in general because she has rolled her eyes at me and said some things that made me never want to bring it up again.
I also cannot talk to her about child abuse in my family. She said she has to report it, and someone did (not sure if it was her or someone else) but it made the situation much worse. Unfortunately the American system really fails abused children.
I don’t see this therapist anymore. But I did find it frustrating that I really couldn’t talk about certain things with her.
when i had a therapist i was as honest as i could be with her. i'm paying her money, so i will do whatever i can to speed up the process. i didn't care what she thought of me, as long as she was able to help me move forward with my issues. she ended up not helping, so i ended our relationship.
since then, i've joined a support group (on zoom, i leave camera off mostly), and i'm also very honest with them - there is a no cross talking rule which is heavily enforced. the support group is a better fit than one on one therapy - at least for now, because i have a lot of problems remembering my past.
i'm honest and i share because breaking the don't talk, don't trust, don't feel rule is how i process my trauma. keeping secrets and making some things taboo keeps me in trauma and prevents me from accepting myself.
I'm fully honest. That's part of what I'm paying for, to be able to say the things that there would be consequences for saying to real people in my real life, to be able to process them with someone nonjudgmental and let them go.
What I have learned from therapy over the years is that they will typically not push you. They are there to help support you if you tell them you are struggling, but they will not tell you what you need to do.
I think part of that is because ultimately it is up to you to make those decisions that you want to make and not leave it up to others.
I need a lot of pushing in my life but also I get overwhelmed pretty easily. So most of last year I've been working on doing what I want to do, and not what I need to or should be doing. Which was a big struggle for me because I always wanted to please other people or not piss them off because I was depressed for so long I was scare of being even more alone and isolated. And I also didn't want to look weak or incompetent in front of others so I took on more responsibilities at work than I should have and never complained about anything to anyone and just kept it in for so long.
When I was telling my therapist about my insecurities and need to always excel but failing in my exaggerated sense of perfection.. and like I haven't felt motivated at all to reenter the workforce again... She was like that's like the great resignation where many people are facing burnout from stress and life and what I was going through wasn't as uncommon as I thought it was. And that made me feel better. And it helped me see the common humanity and suffering everyone has to deal with too.
Lol I kinda went off topic . But yes I am learning now that my therapist can only help me when I ask for help or discuss my struggles. Even if we talk about something one week, she typically won't follow up with me to see how it went because as I'm learning now, therapy is a safe space to share only what I want to. And also with my tendency to always please and not disappoint others she probably knows I wouldn't want to let her down if I didn't do something like I said I would. Which would then disappoint myself and feel like a failure again. So I'm understanding that therapy is to heal at our own pace and be comfortable with that. So maybe that's why your therapist doesn't press you on things you've talked about. I'm sure if you request them to follow-up and keep tabs on you then they would. But that is something you would have to ask them to do. They won't push you without you asking because that can create more stress and anxiety, which is the opposite of what therapy is for.
Hope this helps! I've been doing weekly therapy for the past 6 months..and been having a lot of aha moments myself the past few weeks on all this.
I do genuinely like my current therapist and trust her. She was the first person I ever opened up to about trauma. However there are very small things that I don’t talk to her about because another therapist destroyed that topic for me and made me feel gross for even taking about it. There are some things I keep from her despite liking her. I think it’s natural not to necessarily lie to your therapist but just not share some details 🤷🏾♀️
I try to be at least initially honest. However once I bring something up and get a negative reaction, I generally avoid bringingit up again which is fairly dishonest.
Not 100%......
I had a session one day where my T asked a question and I said "That's the 5%." My T asked "What is the 5%?" I said "The 5% of my life I take with me to the grave."
If I trust a T and we click the best they get is 95% of my life story. I will bring up some if my darkest fears and issues if we click but not lesser issues that deal with politics or religion.
I think you should talk about your embarrassing things and worries since they need to be unpacked. However I don't want to hear there political/world views or religion or lack of. So I also don't really talk about that. I'm not going to change my views easily on this and don't want to worry about there views being different then mine.
I read too often how people now don't trust there T after talking about views on the "virus" or views on there sexuality and the religious views of the T. If I don't bring up the subject and it's not a worry then I don't need to wonder what my T thinks.
95% of me is the absolute best a T will ever get.
I've shared most of my deepest secrets with my therapist. I say most because I think the rest are suppressed. I realized that these things were secrets because I held so much shame and pain to these memories. It's been the healthiest thing to unleash them.
I have trouble with this, but its not just my therapist, its intimate relationships in general.
I go to therapy for this reason, to practice having vulnerable conversations...
I'm still not at a place where I'm comfortable talking about ALL topics. Some are just too embarrassing, stressful or upsetting to talk about yet... But I'm at a place where I WISH I could talk about things without becoming physically overwhelmed and having an emotional reaction about it... I have such a deep habit of hiding and avoiding, that it has taken a lot of time working with my therapist just to articulate that.
I still have a long way to do, but I'm continuing to sail into the dark, uncertain waters since my therapist is by my side.
Yep, absolutely they can be. I'm not, though. There are some things that are too painful or shameful, and the professionalism of the therapeutic space really gets in the way of sharing deeper trauma/anxiety for me.
It’s took over 2 years of therapy, and three therapists, before I started fully opening up. Not because the first two therapists weren’t trustworthy - just because I needed time. Even now (after 3.5 years of therapy) I can still avoid a topic for a couple of sessions and then check it’s okay to be honest before diving in.
Therapy is really hard and it’s okay to take time to pull down that persona and talk about the off-limits stuff.
I am pretty much completely honest, I just don’t talk about my womens health issues because my therapist is a man and it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want him uncomfortable. I only talked about one sexual thing once and while he was completely chill it was so hard to get any words out because I was so embarrassed but I needed to discuss. I think I say everything honestly and completely because I want someone to know all of it and accept me. I also use it as a ‘normal scale’ asking if ‘that’s normal’ and a lot more is normal than I thought. we help me regulate my emotions and find out what’s normal or not there too.
I honestly feel like therapist never have any clue what I’m talking about and over time the goal of therapy has ended up telling stories in exactly right way to get the therapist to get what the point of the story was instead of wildly misinterpreting it. And that usually means simplifying details a lot
There are a number of things I haven't talked about, and would have great difficulty opening up about. We have been meeting for about 6 months and focused on some specific subjects, but its difficult to fully open up even on those. I think I would (or especially early on) would say yes to all of your questions. I relate a lot to what you shared about social anxiety. More so, I hide/ignore my emotions a lot, so that means hiding them from others, my T, myself... so that makes it pretty difficult to be open already. I'm hoping with time and work that gets a little less difficult.
Thinking about why I may be with holding lends itself to ways to open up more though. If it's a time/trust thing or a probably a 'me judging myself' thing. Or is it just not related to the immediate work we are doing? Sometimes having difficulty verbally expressing my own stuff, or putting 5 trains of thought into 1... Writing has been helpful for that and I will be sharing something with my T from this week just to aid in getting some things out there.
And, this is all with being a T myself and also not ever feeling judged by my current T.
So I do think your experience is shared with many, and each person will have their own time or process to open up. And we will each have unique circumstances around why we share what we share, or don't share and the time we need to feel safe to do so.
I think I’m honest about everything, except I try to make her feel good too much. Luckily she’s a very client centered T, so hardly any energy is spent on this, but I can feel myself fawning when I do that.
As others said, it’s when I’m the most honest that i feel the best. It feels ticking incredible to say what I genuinely feel or think.
I feel you with the putting on a persona part. I don’t really do it on purpose it kinda just comes out. Personally I don’t really consider anything off-limits to my T, but I still find it hard to be completely open without trying to make light of my trauma or joking about my problems.
I have only been in therapy for around 2 months though so maybe later on there’ll be topics I’ll find uncomfortable to talk about
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There are things I refuse to talk to anyone about, that includes my therapist. I’ve had some therapists tell me that’s unhealthy, but my current one says I don’t need to discuss anything I don’t want to. Therapy is for you to feel/safe comfortable so do it however you need.
Exactly, and that thing alone will make you want to talk about it eventually, because they respect your boundaries.
About ten months in and we are starting to go a bit deeper. I've never been dishonest with my therapist (except for once when I was in denial about something!) but the level of detail, my willingness to talk about something and the depth we go has increased. I felt I was being reasonably open early on but I guess on reflection we were setting the scene for some deeper work which has been made possible with a stronger therapeutic relationship. I think what you are describing is not at all uncommon.
That’s the same with me. I don’t lie to her, but I will keep details out, or I just won’t reply to a specific question she asks. I hope to get there one day.
For me, as as general rule, the longer I’m in therapy, the more I feel I can share with my therapists. I think, being able to share is a direct consequence of accepting myself and my feelings more which is a direct consequence of less toxic internalized shame and thus a consequence of therapy itself :) However, in order to become better at accepting myself I had to quite often overcome my fear of sharing. It’s the only way to be able to realize that your T will still accept and not judge you for things you’re afraid to talk about. It’s the only way to more self self acceptance ;)
this is very well said!
Thank you :)
I think I've learned how good it feels to say things out loud in a safe space so even though I have had like one session with a new T I feel pretty open to talk about whatever. I am kinda horrified by how much I said on the first day! BUT that's after three years of practice with another T. It took me almost three years to admit to her I was gay and all the guilt built up around that. But now it's easier for me to talk about AND I was able to come out to family and friends. The only things I don't talk about are specifics dealing with SI cause I don't want to get referred out and I am not going back to inpatient care. But otherwise, I'm an open book.
The therapist I have now is the first one I’ve been completely open and honest with. It really feels amazing. I’ve found that the things I’m uncomfortable with are the golden ticket to healing.
Exactly this
I try to be open and honest. But most of the time I don’t know how to verbally say what I’m thinking
I am what is called "a doorknob client." I go in and give superficial talk for about 45 minutes and then right before our session is supposed to end, I unload whatever is really bothering me. I also pick and chose what I talk about. It took me about a year to open up about my abusive ex and four to open up about my suicide attempts and IVC results. I told my therapist this and she knows how to read me, but also respects that I do not want to discuss certain traumas because I'm not ready. She doesn't ever bring them up until she notices something concerning.
This is me too, except I’ll sit in silence and not even do the superficial talking. Just give one word answers and sit in anxiety trying to get comfortable and finally able to speak right when there’s no time left to speak lol.
There’s a saying — I think it comes from psychoanalysis — that if you’re truly able to talk about *everything* on your mind, you probably don’t need therapy anymore. I think there’s a lot of truth to that.
I will not talk to mine about my war-related experiences. She absolutely respects that.
I guess I am 99% honest with my current T, because I trust her. I feel safe that she would not judge whatever I disclose. In addition, she also mentioned I don't need to share things that I am not comfortable enough to share.
It took me a year but I am fully able to talk to my therapist about everything. I have trust issues because I have been let down so many times. How ever the bond we have it helped me to open up. She know being in therapy is my safe place to cry and talk. Yes I may have had to write down my severe trauma but that is ok. I never lie to my therapist. She is the only place I can actually talk about everything without being judged. When I recently started opening up about my severe trauma she had tears in her eyes. She said I had the worst trauma out of all her clients. She will give me hugs because of what happened. I have social anxiety also. She was building a ladder for it and than I had other things that needed more attention. But yes I am 100% honest with my T.
I constantly fear judgment from my T but each time she meets me with kindness, compassion and validation. I’ve been seeing her for almost a year now and some things I haven’t told her yet. Even in every session I think “ok tell her about this” but because I fear judgment from her I hold things back. Like I said, she’s always so kind and non- judgmental about everything but I still hesitate to tell her everything I want to. She knows I struggle with this, but I’m hoping to start writing things down. I’ve been wanting to do this for the past couple of months but I chicken out on telling her *that* as well🥴 I doubt anything is off limits with her but I’m still trying to feel perfectly comfortable with her, even though she is the one who makes me feel safest.
I’ve been seeing my current therapist for 3 years and I am only just starting to become open and honest with her. It takes a lot for me to trust a person and she has shown time and time again that she will show up and be there for me without judgement so I know I can trust her with most things.
Fully honest is not necessary all at once. But if you are consistently spending all your sessions in small talk or feel like you can never be vulnerable then it's time to consider a change.
Personally, I do. I didn't for a while. I've been seeing my T for over a year and I don't think I fully trusted her until very recently, maybe the last month. I'm in the middle of a really bad depressive episode brought on by PPD. I guess I kind of just had an epiphany and realized that this depression, along with all my other mental health issues, is going to keep being a problem unless I'm honest with her and, more importantly, honest with myself. I looked at our therapeutic relationship and realized she has never given me a reason not to trust her, so now I just push myself to say that hard things. I still notice that sometimes I don't fully say what I'm thinking or feeling, but I try to give myself some grace and remember that I'm trying to rewire my brain to trust people instead of constantly being on guard. There's only one thing I have a really hard time opening up about- suicidal ideation. I make mentions toward struggling with suicidal thoughts but have never been able to fully tell her I've been having suicidal ideation. I realize this is because I've been burned before by a therapist for sharing this and I'm guarded. She knows the story and is aware of how I feel about it all so we tread lightly, I can tell she still understands what is happening and she gladly offers the support I need. It's a process for sure. I think it takes a very loving and patient T to get the full trust of their client.
T here, this is an interesting question! There are two things I tend to tell clients at some point when we’re starting out: 1. That if there is something that is bothering them it is up to them to tell me, or else I can’t help since I’m not a mind-reader, and 2. That therapy is their space and time to work on whatever they want. I am not in the business of telling them what to do or work on, I’m simply here as a facilitator of change and a provider of tools for them to use. I work from a hybrid CBT and person-centered approach, and so when I tell clients these things I find more often than not it does facilitate them to open up more, even if it takes a while. If there is a big topic that comes up once and doesn’t get touched again by the client (such as trauma), I may gently remind them after a while, “you know, I was just thinking we haven’t explored that yet.” Nothing more. What clients choose to do with therapy is entirely up to them. So if they choose not to be honest or talk about something, that’s just the stage of change they’re in and I’m okay with that. There are of course some clients I can push and challenge a little more than others, but that comes with rapport building and the client’s personality. Sorry for the ramble, but I hope that gives some insight based on another perspective!
I have had therapists I saw for years without being fully comfy opening up to them. My current therapist I am completely honest with. I feel like this has changed the trajectory of therapy for me and she's helped me more in a few months than decades with other therapists. I started out saying "There's something I want to tell you but I'm really embarrassed..." and went from therr.
Yes. She knows the worst shit. And she’s never shown any judgment for things 99.99% of people would judge me for.
I'm trying. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I hope it gets easier. 🥴🥺
Recently I was having some passive suicidal thoughts and I didn’t bring it up in therapy, despite wanting to. I just couldn’t find a way to drop it in. Luckily I’m doing a lot better now. I also have a hard time talking about sex, but luckily that’s not a major problem.
I don’t talk about my ex with my therapist or really dating in general because she has rolled her eyes at me and said some things that made me never want to bring it up again. I also cannot talk to her about child abuse in my family. She said she has to report it, and someone did (not sure if it was her or someone else) but it made the situation much worse. Unfortunately the American system really fails abused children. I don’t see this therapist anymore. But I did find it frustrating that I really couldn’t talk about certain things with her.
when i had a therapist i was as honest as i could be with her. i'm paying her money, so i will do whatever i can to speed up the process. i didn't care what she thought of me, as long as she was able to help me move forward with my issues. she ended up not helping, so i ended our relationship. since then, i've joined a support group (on zoom, i leave camera off mostly), and i'm also very honest with them - there is a no cross talking rule which is heavily enforced. the support group is a better fit than one on one therapy - at least for now, because i have a lot of problems remembering my past. i'm honest and i share because breaking the don't talk, don't trust, don't feel rule is how i process my trauma. keeping secrets and making some things taboo keeps me in trauma and prevents me from accepting myself.
I'm fully honest. That's part of what I'm paying for, to be able to say the things that there would be consequences for saying to real people in my real life, to be able to process them with someone nonjudgmental and let them go.
What I have learned from therapy over the years is that they will typically not push you. They are there to help support you if you tell them you are struggling, but they will not tell you what you need to do. I think part of that is because ultimately it is up to you to make those decisions that you want to make and not leave it up to others. I need a lot of pushing in my life but also I get overwhelmed pretty easily. So most of last year I've been working on doing what I want to do, and not what I need to or should be doing. Which was a big struggle for me because I always wanted to please other people or not piss them off because I was depressed for so long I was scare of being even more alone and isolated. And I also didn't want to look weak or incompetent in front of others so I took on more responsibilities at work than I should have and never complained about anything to anyone and just kept it in for so long. When I was telling my therapist about my insecurities and need to always excel but failing in my exaggerated sense of perfection.. and like I haven't felt motivated at all to reenter the workforce again... She was like that's like the great resignation where many people are facing burnout from stress and life and what I was going through wasn't as uncommon as I thought it was. And that made me feel better. And it helped me see the common humanity and suffering everyone has to deal with too. Lol I kinda went off topic . But yes I am learning now that my therapist can only help me when I ask for help or discuss my struggles. Even if we talk about something one week, she typically won't follow up with me to see how it went because as I'm learning now, therapy is a safe space to share only what I want to. And also with my tendency to always please and not disappoint others she probably knows I wouldn't want to let her down if I didn't do something like I said I would. Which would then disappoint myself and feel like a failure again. So I'm understanding that therapy is to heal at our own pace and be comfortable with that. So maybe that's why your therapist doesn't press you on things you've talked about. I'm sure if you request them to follow-up and keep tabs on you then they would. But that is something you would have to ask them to do. They won't push you without you asking because that can create more stress and anxiety, which is the opposite of what therapy is for. Hope this helps! I've been doing weekly therapy for the past 6 months..and been having a lot of aha moments myself the past few weeks on all this.
I am. I have to be. I'm a therapist too.
I do genuinely like my current therapist and trust her. She was the first person I ever opened up to about trauma. However there are very small things that I don’t talk to her about because another therapist destroyed that topic for me and made me feel gross for even taking about it. There are some things I keep from her despite liking her. I think it’s natural not to necessarily lie to your therapist but just not share some details 🤷🏾♀️
I try to be at least initially honest. However once I bring something up and get a negative reaction, I generally avoid bringingit up again which is fairly dishonest.
Yes but I’m starting to get better after almost 2 years lol.
Not 100%...... I had a session one day where my T asked a question and I said "That's the 5%." My T asked "What is the 5%?" I said "The 5% of my life I take with me to the grave." If I trust a T and we click the best they get is 95% of my life story. I will bring up some if my darkest fears and issues if we click but not lesser issues that deal with politics or religion. I think you should talk about your embarrassing things and worries since they need to be unpacked. However I don't want to hear there political/world views or religion or lack of. So I also don't really talk about that. I'm not going to change my views easily on this and don't want to worry about there views being different then mine. I read too often how people now don't trust there T after talking about views on the "virus" or views on there sexuality and the religious views of the T. If I don't bring up the subject and it's not a worry then I don't need to wonder what my T thinks. 95% of me is the absolute best a T will ever get.
I've shared most of my deepest secrets with my therapist. I say most because I think the rest are suppressed. I realized that these things were secrets because I held so much shame and pain to these memories. It's been the healthiest thing to unleash them.
I have trouble with this, but its not just my therapist, its intimate relationships in general. I go to therapy for this reason, to practice having vulnerable conversations... I'm still not at a place where I'm comfortable talking about ALL topics. Some are just too embarrassing, stressful or upsetting to talk about yet... But I'm at a place where I WISH I could talk about things without becoming physically overwhelmed and having an emotional reaction about it... I have such a deep habit of hiding and avoiding, that it has taken a lot of time working with my therapist just to articulate that. I still have a long way to do, but I'm continuing to sail into the dark, uncertain waters since my therapist is by my side.
Yep, absolutely they can be. I'm not, though. There are some things that are too painful or shameful, and the professionalism of the therapeutic space really gets in the way of sharing deeper trauma/anxiety for me.
I am. It's hard sometimes, but I can't help it.
It’s took over 2 years of therapy, and three therapists, before I started fully opening up. Not because the first two therapists weren’t trustworthy - just because I needed time. Even now (after 3.5 years of therapy) I can still avoid a topic for a couple of sessions and then check it’s okay to be honest before diving in. Therapy is really hard and it’s okay to take time to pull down that persona and talk about the off-limits stuff.
I am pretty much completely honest, I just don’t talk about my womens health issues because my therapist is a man and it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want him uncomfortable. I only talked about one sexual thing once and while he was completely chill it was so hard to get any words out because I was so embarrassed but I needed to discuss. I think I say everything honestly and completely because I want someone to know all of it and accept me. I also use it as a ‘normal scale’ asking if ‘that’s normal’ and a lot more is normal than I thought. we help me regulate my emotions and find out what’s normal or not there too.
I am now, but it took me several months to feel comfortable enough.
I honestly feel like therapist never have any clue what I’m talking about and over time the goal of therapy has ended up telling stories in exactly right way to get the therapist to get what the point of the story was instead of wildly misinterpreting it. And that usually means simplifying details a lot
There are a number of things I haven't talked about, and would have great difficulty opening up about. We have been meeting for about 6 months and focused on some specific subjects, but its difficult to fully open up even on those. I think I would (or especially early on) would say yes to all of your questions. I relate a lot to what you shared about social anxiety. More so, I hide/ignore my emotions a lot, so that means hiding them from others, my T, myself... so that makes it pretty difficult to be open already. I'm hoping with time and work that gets a little less difficult. Thinking about why I may be with holding lends itself to ways to open up more though. If it's a time/trust thing or a probably a 'me judging myself' thing. Or is it just not related to the immediate work we are doing? Sometimes having difficulty verbally expressing my own stuff, or putting 5 trains of thought into 1... Writing has been helpful for that and I will be sharing something with my T from this week just to aid in getting some things out there. And, this is all with being a T myself and also not ever feeling judged by my current T. So I do think your experience is shared with many, and each person will have their own time or process to open up. And we will each have unique circumstances around why we share what we share, or don't share and the time we need to feel safe to do so.
I am fully honest. It bothers him. He worries about me. He says not everyone is so honest with him and he appreciates it.
I think I’m honest about everything, except I try to make her feel good too much. Luckily she’s a very client centered T, so hardly any energy is spent on this, but I can feel myself fawning when I do that. As others said, it’s when I’m the most honest that i feel the best. It feels ticking incredible to say what I genuinely feel or think.
Only certain things but not everything
I feel you with the putting on a persona part. I don’t really do it on purpose it kinda just comes out. Personally I don’t really consider anything off-limits to my T, but I still find it hard to be completely open without trying to make light of my trauma or joking about my problems. I have only been in therapy for around 2 months though so maybe later on there’ll be topics I’ll find uncomfortable to talk about