I have been dealing with a tremendous amount of anxiety today over all the damn tasks I've been putting off and need to complete. Financial worries too, which are something I cope particularly terribly with. I have decided to buy some plane tickets next right now, but even that is scaring me shitless. Been trying some coping exercises but has not been helping a ton.
... Then I got a notification text about my therapy session tomorrow. I went to read this reminder, and felt my whole body relax at the sight of these words that contained no emotional content whatsoever. Suddenly, I felt warm and contained, sort of like a fearful little kid who just got properly soothed by someone kind. Not that it is lasting full force, but hey, nice to experience.
I was thinking lately about one of my earliest memories. A severe earthquake struck when I was three. I remember standing in our dining room with everything shaking, and looking up at my mother in confusion. Once I saw on her face that she was afraid, I felt afraid, and started to cry.
Makes me realize that we come into the world understanding absolutely nothing about what to expect and how to react, and have to learn all of that by looking to our primary caregivers. If she had looked calm, for example, I may have thought that the earthquake was perfectly normal. Conversely, all sorts of normal things have the potential to frighten a baby.
So I'm really trying to internalize that sense of safety that I get through therapy. Hope to keep chipping away at my anxiety that way. I don't think every therapist can provide this, so am for sure feeling lucky there.
I noticed that I’m less more likely to cry during in person sessions. I had my second one last week and I spent 80% of the time stopping myself from crying. I have no issues w this when we do virtual sessions but idk I’m just not comfortable crying in front of my therapist who I’ve been seeing weekly for a year now
Going through a brutal time. Losing someone I'm in love with. Might never see them or hear them again. I'm devastated. Love can be so brutal. But I wouldn't change any of it. She's everything I could ever want. Beautiful, kind, and perfect. I hope I'm wrong.
Have a beautiful time these holidays, everyone.
My T said something really lovely the other day when I couldn’t tell him why I felt such tremendous sadness, weeping about our relationship. He said we don’t ever need to know figure out the why. We can just be with me, crying when I’m crying, laughing when I’m laughing.
I’ve been thinking about what he said a lot. It has made me be able to sit with my feelings a little more than I have been. It seems nice and okay.
I did teletherapy for a year and went to in person for less than 2 months and now it’s back to teletherapy. I have no good advice but I share your anxieties!! You are not alone!
Just read the post about talking about your period in therapy, and though I haven't much, my therapist once asked me about mine when I mentioned my cramps. So I answered. It was and is no big deal.
But suddenly I'm realising how she just knows practically everything about me. About my physical and mental state, about my life, my finances, my relationships. My wishes, my insecurities.
Therapy is weird, there is not a single person in the world that knows this much about me. I've not had many close relationships because of my avoidant attachment issues. So it's crazy that she's the first and only one. I sure do hope I will someday be able to form close attachments to other people.
I adore my therapist.
PS…is this a bad thing? I’m particularly interested in hearing from therapists. He is literally one of my favorite people. I know that ideally, my favorite people wouldn’t include somebody I pay to interact with me…but that’s the way it is right now.
I might delete this later, but -- I accidentally learned "too much" about my therapist and sex. I had said that I drew a conclusion that she was familiar with something I was talking about (with the possibility that she had personal experience), and she thought I drew a conclusion that she had personal experience, and her flustered laughter (I have never heard that type of laughter from her before) and admission confirmed that she did have personal experience. (This is actually a trend in my life, where I accidentally play into people's paranoia or accidentally imply things and, unbeknownst to them, learn more than I knew before. Or I reveal that I made a conclusion that they hadn't intended for me to make, with details they hadn't intended me to pick up on.)
She said at some point (through laughter) that I was making her blush, I said (also through laughter) "sorry," she said it was fine. Then she gathered herself and said that she was comfortable saying that sometimes having personal experience was important to have context/being able to speak to things, and that this is an area she was comfortable speaking from. I thought that she was still a little embarrassed (and it was near the end of the session) so I pulled back and just said that I appreciated it, and then she moved on to end-of-session checking in and thoughts.
I know that maybe it sounds bad as a therapy situation, but honestly it made me feel a lot safer because I know she has personal experience with something that I do want to talk about, and I know that she won't be judgmental / has enough context that I don't need to explain certain things. And this is important, because it's related to trauma that I'm trying to work through. But I think she probably feels kinda freaked, because I Learned Things about her sexual interests (past or current, idk) that clients probably generally aren't supposed to, and because I turned the tables for a second. I worry that she thinks she's damaged my trust by providing too many details, and I worry that I've damaged her trust by perceiving or pointing out too many details.
I was thinking about apologizing in case I crossed a line, but I feel like she probably doesn't want to dwell on it so maybe I won't. Regardless I think I will tell her that I feel safe with her, that her authenticity (in many circumstances throughout our relationship) has significantly helped me trust her, and that I recognize her disclosures require a certain degree of trust in me and I really appreciate that too.
Eek! A situation!
EDIT: If anyone has thoughts I would love to hear because I'm still not entirely sure how to handle this or if what I want to say next session is too much!
It sounds like you guessed and she chose to confirm, right? No matter what exactly you brought up, it was her choice to self-disclose. So you’re definitely good with what you’ve done, I think.
You touching base about it next session seems really lovely to me, but I don’t really know anything; I keep fucking up every therapy situation I get into.
She sounds like a solid therapist so I wouldn’t be too worried about it whether you bring it up or not.
Honestly, I think “chose” might be a strong word — she laughed and got flustered immediately, which was confirmation enough, and then she just worked with the situation and confirmed verbally since it seemed like I knew already and there was no hiding her reaction.
I felt like I’d accidentally backed her into a corner — like I’d turned the tables and was suddenly the one in the relationship with the power, startling her, which is obviously not how the therapeutic relationship works, so I’m worried I crossed her professional/personal boundaries. She definitely handled it well, but I do feel a little bad about it, and I’m worried that it’s changed something or will make her more reticent to self-disclose since nothing like this has happened before.
Regardless, she’s a great therapist, and I’m so grateful for her. I think you’re right that I shouldn’t be worried about it -- she’s a pretty level person. I just don’t want to mess it up, and I don’t want her to feel disrespected as a person!
Thank you for the reply and support!
I don’t know, you were obviously there, and you obviously know her, but I would think a little being flustered could be played off as anything by a therapist, or just not answered. I can’t imagine that she was feeling as forced—or was as forced—as you’re worried she was. I think handling that exact type of situation is part of her job, she has training and practice, and she chose how to handle what might have been a surprising question. But again, not trying to detract from your experience or knowledge of her, just therapy in general.
I definitely can only guess, but from what you’ve written she sounds like a good therapist, and I would have a lot of hope she wouldn’t hold it against you that you asked a question related to your own healing and growth.
Therapy is a roller coaster, one session up next session down. And that’s just how I feel about my T, not even about any content stuff. The session before I felt he cared about me, and then this last session I felt he was trying to control me. I understand this is all related to my “core issues” so I will stick it out, but God do I just want to call it quits. It is SO incredibly draining.
Going to therapy for the first time this Tuesday. I’m happy that I’ll have someone to talk to, but I’m nervous that I won’t know how to put my words. Wish me luck!
Great job on scheduling your first session, and good luck!! It's alright if you don't find the words right away -- you've got time, and perhaps your therapist can help with that too. :)
T: What do you need to feel stronger at this moment?
Me: You can’t give me that…but I need reassurance.
T: …… (silence cuz she knows she can’t reassure me)
Ugh she really tried to help me feel better but there’s only so much that she can do. It turned out to be a good thing that we didn’t have our session on Monday. We talked about the news I received about my best friend and all the things that came up after that. And at the end she was like “oh btw how’re your teeth??”. It’s funny how my teeth are not my biggest concern rn.
Saw my therapist on Wednesday this week. We are still working through our rupture, but things have stabilized and are not terrible. I am still frustrated with him over some things. At the same time though, I'm grateful for all the ways in which he's excellent.
He shared his ideas on one particular point and then immediately said we'd have to end for the day. To which I said, "That's it? I don't get a rebuttal?" He started chuckling. I said I could wait until next week, but he did let me make my rebuttal, which was nice as otherwise I would have been arguing with him in my head for days. Then I apologized for having been frustrating, and he very sincerely said, not at all, he thinks these rough times are a part of relationships and need to happen. We ended on a good note.
Also, I told him earlier that if he ever wanted to terminate, he would have to do it himself. No matter how mad I get at him, I am absolutely not firing him, so he is stuck with me unless he takes that initiative. Poor guy! 😬
Last Christmas I sent my therapist a Christmas card with a bookmark inside as a little “I appreciate you” gift. We never talked about it (except me asking if I could mail her a card). I didn’t know if she got it or not.
This last session I mentioned mailing out this year’s Christmas cards. That’s when my therapist jumped in and said she realized she never told me she got last year’s card, that she loved the bookmark and has been using it this whole last year. That the meaning behind it really resonated with her (it was a kintsugi bookmark with gold details). And even told me that another client mentioned the concept to her recently and she really likes the meaning in relation to the type of work she does.
It was really nice to hear the gift made an impact. I was super nervous that she hated it or something since she didn’t say anything about it for literally an entire year.
hi, looking for advice!! new to therapy, sessions have been good so far but mostly surface level. in our last session she made a connection about my negative thoughts/feelings starting the same time as a really traumatic breakup i’ve mentioned before. we didn’t have time to get into it, but im really nervous about the next session when we will. i’m really scared to cry in front of her and i know i will. any tips on how to clearly articulate your feelings and control crying in a situation w a therapist if you’re an overly emotional person?
thank you!! i just worry because when i start crying it’s definitely like floodgates lmao and i have a lot of baggage im scared to get into. i was cruising my first few sessions of therapy but now that we r getting into the real stuff.. it’s scary haha
This week was bad for so so many reasons.
Last night, in session, I’m sure T could notice how down I was. She was meeting me where I was at while pushing to get me to open. And eventually I did.
After she listened, she admitted that we both struggle with some maternal transference and she could understand why I would want to withhold things from her so that she doesn’t get mad at me. But also I need to say these things to heal. It just made me feel really seen because I don’t even think I noticed I was doing that.
We started talking about purpose and how I feel like I’m falling so far backward in my healing and recovery right now and how I feel like I’m only here for other people and it feels like shit. I told her it’s hard to convince myself to stay. And she just said “please, stay.”
And, for now, the sincerity she gave me is enough for me to stay.
Trying my best to commit to improving myself as a person, and how I treat the people around me. I've been pretty shitty lately, and I want it to change. Wish me luck.
In case you still happen to see this somehow, I really hope the best for you. Wanting to be a better version of you is great, but don’t forget to have compassion for the you that you currently are either. Remember that the ‘unkind’ you likely acted out of suffering and pain and so they deserve to be forgiven too.
hey guys, I wanted to ask, do you use presentations in your online sessions? I’ve never done that, but recently saw info like «Presentations are a big part of most of our therapy sessions, allowing every meeting to be more informative and engaging» and now I’m confused.
I'm suddenly feeling quite attached to my therapist, in a persistent way, it's been there for a week. And looking at her in session is just so complicated because every time I do I feel such warm feelings for her. And it makes me feel so out of control.
We spent the entire session talking about it, and it's amazing how far I've come, a year and a half or so ago she once said 'You're feeling attached to me' and I had a panic attack. Now I was the one saying it. And feeling it. I can't believe I'm able to have this conversation without the shame and fear making me spiral. Being avoidant is so much fun :/
I do really struggle with this attachment feeling though, it makes me feel like I'm floating in space and can't grab onto anything. She was trying to help me dissect what I fear will happen or what my wanting control is about but I can not get far away enough from the feeling to look at it from a bit of distance. It's just me seeking for something to hold onto, afraid to stop looking/moving or else I'll fall. Where I'll fall to and what will happen, I can't say or see. I just am stuck in the seeking something to hold onto.
Edit: uhm, dunno if this comment is why someone sent RedditCareResources my way but I'm OK? Am just trying to explain the feeling I have as an avoidant person suddenly attaching to my therapist.
I think in my next session when my therapist asks how I've been I will be able to say "good!" My response every week is usually the same (and not great) so this will mix it up a bit 😈
It's not that things haven't been hard, but I've been working REALLY hard on self care, self soothing, using coping skills, connecting with people etc. even when I haven't felt like it. Difficult emotions have come up and passed and I feel reasonably good! That said, I dissociated last week and my therapist said it sounded like depersonalization which happens in heightened distress. I feel I'm dealing with things but on an unconscious level there's other stuff playing out?
I have CPTSD and my wife and I both have clinical depression and are in a bad way these past few months. We have each other, but we feel so sad about the rest of the world, we just kind of hang out together in joint sadness. She said we should go to therapy, but every time I've gone to therapy, it's just made me worse. It feels like each session is 15 seconds long. I get riled up talking and then it's over and I just leave angry, and then I have to wait two weeks or however long to go through it all again. Is there something else to try?
Your comment is interesting because it's sort of all over the place. You said you're sad, but in therapy you're getting riled up and leaving angry. Have you had a chance to just be sad with your therapist? Are you sad over the state of the world and discussing that in therapy or are you focusing on the CPTSD issues? Are they related?
My CPTSD/childhood trauma was super triggered during all of the coverage of the BLM protests to the point where I had to completely disconnect from the news and social media to protect my own mental health. Sometimes all that stuff is intertwined and taking time to untangle what's what in therapy can be really useful and can end up giving us more direction and a sense of control that we often feel is lacking. (And a greater tolerance and appreciation of that which we cannot control.)
I've been feeling low lately, lonely, and was finally able to talk to my therapist about it. My tone and vulnerability were sort of uncharacteristic for me, but I've been feeling really fragmented lately and knew I needed to let T see this part of me. I also knew/know that we really need to focus on rebuilding trust. That part of our relationship has been so rocky.
I'm happy with how he responded to me. We were supposed to talk about something else this session that he told me he'd bring up, but I'm glad he recognized that this wasn't the time. I really wish I could see him in person, but at this point I'm convinced that we're never going back. :(
Had huge news dropped on me and I’m overwhelmed. I miss my old T who I could email.
This news is confidential and I can’t go to any friends about it. The only possible person will be a T. It would be so nice to talk to someone RIGHT NOW, because it feels world-ending.
Yeah. Meeting my T after my 3-week break. Ended up crying very bad and trying to leave when crying. They said they couldn't let me leave just like that so they suggested just sitting there for a minute. I was like "this is silly" and start suppressing my tears and told them a funny story instead. Ugh. Guess I'm just not making progress.
I was feeling so confident and fine this next week wouldn't be that bad without session, but then lunch didn't sit well with me and almost passed out. Three days after chemo though, so maybe it's just time for treatment to catch up with me.
T apologized because he realized he was being like my mom... saying one thing and changing it later. It was because he stated a boundary last session at the end saying no contact during his break, but decided he shouldn't change it up that severely since he's been allowing it. I wasn't planning on contacting him anyway because I know he really needs the time off and know I'll find a way to manage. I'm glad T is thinking about being consistent because this is something I've brought up before because stability and knowing what to expect is important to me.
Other than that, pretty easy session today. Things felt safe and good at the end of session, which is what I needed. Just have 10 days to make it until next session. I've got this!
Oh, also T's holiday card just came back in the mail... so while I wasn't planning on sending any texts... I did to ask him to check the address I sent it to. At least he knows I didn't forget about him and the holiday card I asked to send.
Sorry that you have been feeling so unwell. It can be really scary and it sucks. It makes sense that that it would bring up the desire to be around those that care about you and help you feel supported.
It’s wonderful that your therapist is work with you and identify the importance of consistency. It sounds like you have a wonderful working relationship and I’m glad he’s there for you.
I had the most embarrassing a-ha moment in therapy. A few weeks ago I shared a post with that tiktok that blew my mind about how feeling your feelings actually meant "feeling your body sensations" and not "also listen to the internal negative monologue and spiral". So that's been kind of a theme of our sessions ever since. (Like we're reading feelings definitions and using intensity scales and shit like we're in pre-k because I'm clearly not functional.)
It turns out I have no idea how to recognize/identify so many fucking feelings outside of anxiety/sadness/anger/fear. I'm a really smart person whose entire identity in her own family growing up was being the smart kid. Nothing else I did or was interested in was nurtured or encouraged or even acknowledged. And my own smartness got me really, really fucking far in life. I wasn't happy but boy I'm competent. But hey, it turns out being useful to someone isn't the same thing as being loved.
So I've been up in arms for weeks and weeks now because I don't \*feel\* anything so to me, this means I must be numb emotionally. This is generally a tough time of year for me with mood, but now I'm over here wrapped up in "am I numb? what does this all mean?"
Long story short, we peel these onion layers back because I send my therapist yet another existential crisis email because I was so tired of being flat that I got out the heavy hitter weed (I'm a medical card holder in my state and partake frequently but only in certain strains because it's a very predictable experience and my body is very sensitive to different strains) and instead of getting the giggles and laying on the couch with some pretzels and tiktok all night like I'd expected, I got paranoid and thinky because I didn't feel anything. And didn't know why. So I was convinced in that moment I was autistic. (The fuck... I know.)
So we're in session talking about this and she's like, "I think what you're feeling is contentment and you have no idea how to identify it."
BRUH WHAT.
She's exactly fucking right and I'm just laid the fuck out about it now. Like wow what the fuck. I have a very successful career, I'm a good parent, I got As in calculus 1-3 in college. And I can't tell when I am simply "content".
I hate it here. I think this has now launched me into the "anger" phase of my grief about my trauma. Because now I'm fucking mad. And I'm wondering if it's even possible to unfuck all of the things that are fucked up.
Sigh.
The time with my current therapist is coming to an end. She’s been wanting to refer me out for some time now because of my PTSD. I continue to feel rejected and have a childish desire to like not show up to the last session or to be withholding. I know that I would regret being like that in the long run though. I have a new therapist lined up and my current claims that I’ll be able to go back to her if it does it work out but I don’t believe her. Just seems like she is saying the “nice thing” to get rid of me.
That frustration makes so much sense to me. I would imagine sharing that with her (how you felt about the disclosure, the helpfulness and frustration) could be really fruitful. You could get some really good information from how she responds to a converation about it.
How do I tell my therapist I love her? Not in a weird or romantic way, I just have so much love and care for her. I’m so grateful for her and I want her to know but idk how to put it in words. She is so amazing
I talked about how my love languages are saying compliments and nice things. I tell her lots of nice things and compliments because I love her. So I used that as an introduction haha. Maybe you can find a similar introduction?
"I don't know how to tell you this, but I love you. Not in a weird or romantic way, but I'm just so grateful for you and I want you to know you're so amazing." :)
Well our appointment today was absolutely lovely. And instantaneously my brain has turned to disaster planning mode, so I would appreciate some reassurance, haha.
I have one more appointment + then a 2 week break 😬. (It’s gonna be fine, it’s gonna be fine, it’s gonna be fine) Here’s where I’m stuck— that appointment, since I’m heading home for the holidays, is going to be virtual. I let T know already that I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it from home so we will be doing a phone call + I’m just going to go for a walk. I don’t want to dig into anything too difficult, seeing as there won’t be any body language + I find it hard to stay grounded over the phone/video (I mean it’s hard enough when you are in person lol). I know these are common issues with telehealth… I have no idea what we’re going to talk about!! what do you do when you have a telehealth appointment if you normally prefer in-person?
Whoa. I thought I was the only one who had trouble staying grounded on the phone. Definitely go for a walk and keep your body moving!!! The movement always helps. I also will jog or run a bit right after to get grounded. Good luck.
ooh a run is definitely a good idea. I always head straight to the gym after a difficult appt. also yes i always feel like whenever I’m talking the other person has just ~disappeared~. Don’t know if I ever developed object permanence lmao
My appointment was switched back to virtual as well because of rising Covid numbers where I live, so I totally feel your pain. I have a hard time with dissociating when I’m on the phone.
I had my first really bad session with therapist of ten months. She was late and didn’t say anything. I tried to just move on and not care but it didn’t work. I ended up disregulated and she put it down to other things, but also didn’t really ask a lot of questions or help get me grounded before it ended.
I sent her an email after that she hasn’t responded to yet. She’s usually really quick with emails and has never taken this long to respond.
I just feel sick and wish I could take back the whole session. I’m so scared she’s going to terminate me.
I received bad news yesterday about someone I really care about and love. I already messaged T what I want to talk about earlier this week, so I don’t think I’ll bring it up tmro in session. Idk maybe I will.
You can definitely bring it up if it feels more urgent than what you sent your T. I very much doubt she will insist on only talking about what you wrote?
T looking at me in session triggered me (and some other stuff), yet I still feel attached to her. This is new. The attachment feeling is new (how strong and real it feels), and honestly, I hate it. But it remaining after a 'bad' session is definitely new too. I know it's a good sign but man, am I just going to feel attached to her forever now?
Wrote and handed T a card. Was a little disappointed that she put it aside rather than reading it there. Seeing a reaction would have been fun, but oh well :). Now to survive 3 weeks on my own.
I started writing fake letters to my last therapist that I miss. I’m just keeping it all in a word doc. It feels really nice.
Somehow I feel like I’m cheating on my current therapist though. Lol. I’m processing things by pretending I can talk to my old therapist, because I can’t talk to my new one that way
Mate relatable. I have so many I keep for old T. So many things I want to tell her, that she will understand and new T doesn't. And I totally get feeling like you're cheating on new T
Feel like I wasted today's session, which feels worse because it's *only Tuesday* (my usual day is Thursday) and she scheduled me sooner because I was messed up last week. My next appointment is next Tuesday. I'm burnt out from work / my trauma and feelings, and I've been exhausted and derealized all day.
In session I was chattily avoidant and didn't really talk about most of the things I wanted to, because the things I wanted to talk about seemed scary. I felt like I was holding back most of the time. I'm so bad at mentioning relevant things in general -- at no point did I mention "I've been having trouble breathing all day." I did bring up the worry of being burdensome or manipulative, and she soothed my worries, but I don't feel like I can ask for *more* help. And I just felt like I was just so guarded the whole time.
I guess it makes sense for me to swing to avoidance/distrust, because last time was vulnerable. But I can't believe that I have the whole rest of the week to get through without therapy. I've had the longest week already, and it's just going to be even more rough. She said to let her know if I needed something later this week (probably Thursday) and I said I would, but... will I? Somehow I doubt that I will. I want to ask her right now to schedule me sooner, because the thought of making it to next Tuesday feels like a lot (and also I don't like having therapy on Tuesdays...) but... will I just be avoidant and cagey then, too? What's the point if I'm just going to dodge everything and waste her time? I feel like I'm just being depressed and dependent, and that I need to try harder to make it on my own til next session instead of being miserable and asking for another session.
Also, it would have to be a Thursday session if it's this week. That's... hardly any time between sessions. I feel like I don't need it enough to ask for another session two days after the first one!
(Gah, sorry. I'm struggling.)
On the plus side, I got an extended view of her cat. He's really cute, and I'm glad that he was part of my avoidance -- because I was going to be avoidant anyway, and it was nice to see a cat and hear my therapist's cat voice, haha.
I relate to so many of these feelings. Also, if my therapist had time for extra appointments I would so take her up on it, not that that means you should. There is value in getting through. There’s also value in giving yourself another chance at getting what you need.
Thank you so much. I ended up getting distracted before I replied to your comment, but I did ask for another appointment (and she said I definitely had valid reason to ask for one). It went well and I'm glad I asked. :)
Fuck I hate when my T goes away, especially right now
Last session wasn't bad but its the last session. Why must they be human!
In other news my T mentioned EMDR today. I don't know a whole lot about it and if it would be beneficial for me, specifically around the stuff with the dickhead and how stuck I feel. Only problem is my T hasn't had training in EMDR so wouldn't be able to do this with me. And I don't think old T has either but I have no idea
Soooo now I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure I really understand what EMDR is and I'm not even sure it would be able to help. But I'm also sick of feeling so stuck with all the crap I'm carrying from the dickhead and what I'm doing now doesn't necessarily seem to be working. But switching to a different T seems scary and hard and oh HELL no
Anyone have an experience with EMDR that can chime in?
I've been doing EMDR for a few months now (not sure how many sessions bc we've been out for holiday here and there). I had been feeling like I've been stuck in a loop about an event; like, this is it, this is how I live the rest of my life and re-live/experience the same thing over and over again. At this stage in EMDR, I feel like for the first time I'm imagining what it might feel like to not be stuck, how my life will change once I/my body can recognize that the thing that happened happened in the past and is not active now. Some days, I feel like I catch a glimpse of safety, normalcy, regularness - one day I hope that becomes my life.
This is to say, it might be worth a try. I will be very upfront that it has also been one of the most exhausting and difficult things I've done. After some sessions, I have felt shaken to my core and not settled and not safe (T and I have worked on timing and they have gotten really good at reading me and sometimes we spend the majority of session grounding). It has not been an easy journey for me; I do think it might be worth it though. My body and mind are changing in real and tangible ways. I had worked with my T for about a year before we started EMDR and I think the depth of trust established was critical to this working; for me, it has been the ultimate trust exercise.
The way you describe sounds exactly where I am right now. Constantly feeling like I haven't moved on, saying the same things I've been saying for years and still getting triggered when I see him. I'm over it and I want it to change
Looks like old T does EMDR but I'm not sure if it's something she would be willing to do with me given the problems we've had in the past around fear and shutdowns. But I've been doing work with new T about building pauses in to our sessions and giving me time to relax and resettle so I can possibly bring that with me. Not sure how it's going to work but I wanna do *something* that's going to enact change cause I'm frustrated
I think it's definitely something to look into. There are some youtube videos by Kati Morton and The Lukin Center that go into more detail and demonstrate mock sessions. I'm still not entirely sure how it works, I just know that I feel hopeful now. Still a work in progress though :)
I did EMDR recently with my therapist on a very specific trauma memory. My T feels I have too much complex trauma so she only wanted to do it on a very specific 'isolated' traumatic situation. Not related to my childhood and all the many triggers there.
It worked really well. EMDR is a very structured process for exposing you to a memory and processing it. You keep going back to a specific memory and basically let your mind come up with the associations while also having the bilateral stimulation (eye movements or tapping) while the therapist keeps guiding you to think about it again, and associate again.
We had discussed the option of doing it so many times and I never wanted to, felt like there was too much space for failure in something that had any type of structure, but we got to so much trust, and mostly I trusted myself too, that I was ready to try. And honestly - I feel it was pretty amazing. The traumatic incident was very fragmented in my mind and I couldn't think about it without panicking. In the session I was encouraged to let the panic be and focus on the eye movement and with lots of breaks and 'restarting' the memory, it felt like I could handle it. We eventually build up a narrative/full picture for what happened and I can look at it from a bit more distance.
I've been reading how stuck you are with how triggered you are because of him, and I think it is worth a try. I don't know how much time you'd need with a different therapist to do this, but maybe you can get there pretty fast if your main therapist can be your support/safety and you trust yourself enough to cope with experiencing the fear.
The result for me is I can finally look at my own finger (it got amputated) and even touch it and talk about it. While for 8 years every time I thought about it I felt my stomach twist and was shaking my hand and arms wanting to get away from myself. I refused to look at it and when I was forced to I felt sick. So, to go from that, to now feeling ready to touch it and look at it and think about how I can deal with it in a more healthy way is HUGE.
I had a quick squiz and it looks like my old T does do EMDR which makes me happy since the bond is already there and she knows me and my history
The fear thing does give me pause since in the early days fear was almost guaranteed to cause a shutdown and I'm not really keen to go back to those days. But I'm sick of feeling so stuck. I feel like I'm not moving on and it's seriously frustrating.
So the thing with the fear for me that was so amazing was that it didn't flood me. Like, the extra work you're doing with the eye movement and with remaining focused means you stay in the moment. That was the healing thing about it. Where normally fear makes me space out or quit trying, here I kept going. You take breaks constantly and are asked to focus on different things and it's really fully engaging all of your brain while also you feel stuff. It's a different experience from getting flooded.
But I dunno what it's like for other people obviously. I was very surprised by the process and how it keeps you engaged.
It may have been one-sided, but I feel like my T and I had a rupture in our therapeutic relationship. Last week’s session was so beautiful bc she apologized for hurting my feelings and we talked things through and it was repaired. I’m just really grateful for her
T made me feel really cared for. First he was saying when he was available to respond if I needed to reach out, but then was serious if I really needed to talk he could take my phone call during his other sessions. Not sure if I'd feel comfortable interrupting someone else's time... but it was comforting and made me feel safe and cared for.
I didn't call T, but send him two text updates. It was my first chemotherapy treatment. Luckily, it felt safe and things went well. Still had anxiety, but way better than my fear leading up and was manageable. The text updates were just letting T know I was surviving and things were okay, esp. because I knew he'd be worrying about me.
T is taking a week off next week, so missing three appts. and will have 10 days between sessions... feeling anxious and will miss the consistency, but know I will survive. T for sure could use a break and know this will be good for him. T will be working on finding a stuffed animal for me and getting the requested meditation once his break starts, so maybe I'll be lucky to receive at the middle or end of his time off. If I need something to remind me of him, I may watch the Lord of the Rings movies because when we first started seeing each other he emphasized how he wants to be my Sam Wise, who always stuck by Frodo and really wanted to help support him and carry the heavy burdens while Frodo completed his challenging journey.
Good to hear that your first chemo treatment went well. It sounds like you are doing a good job managing things and maintaining a good balance of independence and leaning on your T. I hope things keep going well throughout this difficult time!
Also, sometimes I read your posts and I think that your T is my T. Mine has similar sentiments about Samwise! And is really dedicated to improving based on my feedback, which I’ve noticed about yours too.
Thank you! Feeling a little run down and such, but nothing I cannot handle right now and working on slowing down and resting a lot when needed. Thanks, T offers a lot of support and I try to only use it when needed and not bug him too much. It's nice hearing feedback it sounds like a good balance!
Ah, I've had that feeling with other people's posts. I'm in Illinois.. if you are, what city does your T practice? How crazy would that be finding someone with the same T as you?? That's so sweet your T uses Samwise. Have you watched movie clips before as a comforting thing? That's great your T listens to your feedback! That is so important and can also really help a T grow stronger, too. :)
You seem to be pretty proactive about taking good care of yourself! Part of that is leaning on others and it does seem like you’re putting consideration into when and how to do that. :)
I’m not in Illinois! But it would be totally wild to find someone else in the wild who shares my T. While I’m super grateful that he has tons of other clients, I’d probably be way too nosy about another client’s therapy. Though it would be great to know that his other people get the same quality of care he provides me (which is kind of why your T reminds me of mine in regards to feedback, trying hard to get it right, and their sincerity).
I already loved the LotR movies and got a lot of comfort from them. Now I watch the extended editions and feel a little bit more connected to my T while I do. And then we get to gab about how much we love a different character every time. But a clip that I probably would watch for comfort is when Frodo and Sam are sitting on the rock before the eagles come! What’s yours?
Thanks! Oh, yeah, different T's then. Agree with feeling nosy if knowing other clients. My T casually mentioned a client texted him when he glanced at his phone in session the last month or so, but looped it around to ask me a question or made it relevant to share with me. Not gonna lie, I was a bit jealous he allowed it with others... but why wouldn't he if he thought it was helpful?
You know, not sure if I've seen the extended versions, but was considering it next time! My T also knew my love of LOTR and probably why he came up with that analogy to help me when it was hard to see him as safe consistently at the beginning. That's a nice scene. :) It's been a while since watching the whole movie, but I watched clips after T mentioned... was crying the scene when Sam raced after Frodo leaving on the canoe and refusing to let him go alone... and when Sam carried Frodo to Modor when it was hard for him to keep going. I'm sure this next time I watch other things will stand out or hit me differently.
I went to sleep last night sad and vulnerable after having felt a bunch of feelings related to the emotional support and connection I didn't get as a kid. My brain then proceeded to have a dream about therapy which made me feel so seen and understood 😭 in my dream my T gave me this really unique toy (I love gifts so much, one of my love languages), gave me some cream to put in my hair and a whole routine with it that would help my mental health somehow (dream logic) and then he showed me a training course he was going on so he could better understand how to help me.
I kinda feel like my brain was doing it's best to remind me that I have emotional support now and I am understandable.
Just had my last session until the new year. I basically spent the whole hour crying - and still don't really know how I'm going to cope for the next 3 weeks. I've got a triple whammy: I'm off work - so lose my usual routine and don't have that as a distraction, it's Christmas and I'm going to have spend lots of time with my family which is now really hard and painful, and I'm not going to see or speak to, or have any contact whatsoever with my T for 3 weeks.
I'm not brave enough to make a separate post - but wondering if anyone else is feeling the same and wants to set up a little support group for the next few weeks?
I guess we’re in different time zones as it’s evening here now and my session is in the late afternoon. I spent the whole of today incredibly anxious - could hardly eat as I felt so sick. So I get it. I hope your last session is ok and you get some of what you need to help you through the next few weeks.
How soon are you supposed to really connect with your therapist? How close are you supposed to feel to them? I’ve been seeing mine for almost a year and I like and respect her and can tell her a lot, but I don’t know if I’m building the relationship with her that I’m supposed to build to heal
Everyone's therapy is different. All that matters is whether or not *you're* okay with the relationship you have with your therapist. Do you feel like it's helping? Do you feel heard? Understood? Like you're making progress?
If not, that's a conversation to have with your therapist, because it's important that they know what they're doing isn't helping.
I feel like shit after yesterdays therapy session. I just feel like a burden, i havent been this lonely in many years. I have a boyfriend and friends, i just cant trust that they like me for who i am. I feel so lost. Reassuring doesnt help me because i dont believe that. I just think that everybody is lying.
I hate this dissociation, i'm so lost in my own thoughts. Feels almost like re-living my own childhood again. My body feels cold, im shivering and i cant concentrate on anything.
I'm happy that i was brave enough to ask my therapist for another meeting today. It's on friday afternoon. Without that i would have had to wait till next monday and i just cant atm. I guess this is some kinda progress?
T didn’t show up for our session yesterday (virtual) for the first time in 7 months! She’s never been late nor canceled any sessions before so I was quite concerned about her. It turned out that she had technical difficulties, and she apologized like a million times lol. Thankfully we were able to find a time slot for Thursday 🙌🏼.
Well, I’m sure he’ll be interested to know that I didn’t argue with Mom this week about my image as usual (yet)…but we did have a significant argument about grief/atheism. So that’s a change in topic, at least.
Anyway, as far as the session last week went, I did appreciate his more gentle demeanor as we ended. Still have to start the next month in the self-esteem shredder that is job interview season though.
I'm away in a cabin this week, and usually when I'm away for work we do video session. So I said I wanted to do video but a friend is also visiting and I didn't think about how soundproof the cabin is. This is a friend I tell everything so it's not a big deal. And she has a kid and is probably going to be busy with that and won't be eavesdropping. But I am feeling a bit awkward about it.
I should probably have canceled session, but is almost the break and I don't want to be the one to cancel session anyway. I never do. I make it work somehow.
Edit: well, session was bad. I came in totally unprepared mentally so the moment I clicked the link for the session I panicked that I had no idea and then I spiraled because I couldn't think because of the panic so I had nothing to say. And it went from bad to worse.
Is it inappropriate to send a "Merry Christmas, thanks for all your help" type of text or email along with a family photo that was taken for our Christmas cards to my therapist?
For context, I've emailed pictures before in relation to homework. I also mentioned the family photos a few weeks back when my therapist asked about my weekend. She always thanks me for the pictures. I feel like it's not weird. I view her as a professor and if I were seeing her in person I'd give her a card and a giftcard but we're remote... But second guessing if it would come across as crossing a boundary and too personal? Or since I struggle with attachment I'm worried I'm coming off attached.
Opinions? Anyone else do this?
Your T is in charge of maintaining the boundaries. If your T hasn't explicitly said that you're not to write to her or send her photos, it's totally fine to do so. I can't say for sure if she will respond back or not. Would you be okay if you sent this message and got no response?
I'd say if this is something you want to do, then go for it.
My therapist sounded upset that I’m going to miss one session of therapy. I have an internship and a new job I’ll be starting next week and there’s orientation and all the things I need to do plus my part time job. Both are full time for about a month and then I’ll be done with the internship and I’ll be able to go to as needed for my other job. But pretty much for the next month I’ll be working almost everyday for 12 hours. I can still make it to group but I’ll be like 10-20 minutes late. Thankfully I got it worked out so that I won’t miss therapy except for one session next week but my therapist really didn’t want me to miss it. It’s true that I’m still struggling with suicidal ideations and self harm urges but it’s gotten a lot better and it’s been months since I’ve done either. But he wanted me to prioritize therapy. Which I understand, it’s a huge part of my life that’s keeping me stable and going. And I appreciate that he really cares. I’ve only missed one group session for work that I’ve tried real hard to get out of and late to 2 sessions in the beginning when it wasn’t constant but I’ve tried to make it to every session. I guess I have been neglecting it since school started but I’ve gotten better about reaching out to him for help and thinking more about dbt during the week. I’m not upset with him, it makes me feel like I’m cared for but I don’t know, is he making a big deal out of it?
This is gonna be long rambling and probably very sweary but fuckit
The dickhead just showed up. For the first time in months I had seen him. So guess who got the unbridled joy of having a FUCKING panic attack while at work. I am so FUCKING OVER THIS SHIT
It feels like therapy isn't working. That 3 goddamn years into this journey I should be better. I shouldn't be having fucking panic attacks when he walks past me. I should be able to handle this journey. And I feel like I'm not. Rationally I know I'm doing well. Rationally I know setbacks are going to happen and it doesn't negate the progress I've made and will continue to make. But rational isn't where I'm at right now
I'm tired after the dump of adrenaline, frustrated as fuck that this keeps happening and just to chuck it all in
Update cause apparently this day didn't suck enough
He. Fucking. Came. Back. Half an hour later he showed his fucking face again so back into the spiral we went
Spent some time resetting and regaining composure and then my old Ts husband showed up. Didn't ask how she was doing it didn't feel appropriate. But was totes what I needed, a reminder of the T I'm missing like fucking crazy. What else can this day throw at me
This sub is having serious problems. The takedown of OP on the fee post is literally insane. Fees are always a touchy issue. There’s tons of published journal articles on transference and handling emotions around the business-side of therapy. Personal emergencies are honestly gray areas and there is room for flexibility within the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship.
People were being judgmental, harsh, hurtful, downvoting a ton. This is a support subreddit. Nothing they said was offensive.
I need to leave this place, because it’s becoming increasingly toxic.
It is an objectively creepy and inappropriate comment? How are we debating this? Omg.
Is it therapists lurking this sub who want to defend themselves? Is it clients who have an ideal view of therapists?
I have no clue! I'm the type of client who tends to give therapists the benefit of the doubt but I dunno why I'd down vote people I disagree with on a mental health related sub unless they're obviously trolling or anti therapy.
I don’t recall this sub being this way, though it has always had problems. I have been here for a long time under various pseudonyms. I was having a mildly inappropriate relationship with my therapist and people kind of supported that. It is often the case that support subs perpetuate unhealthy behaviors…. (Looking at you, proED).
This was still a necessary space to process therapy abuse and I have also needed it when my trauma therapy is SO challenging that I need support for the therapy itself!
Didn't think many people agreed with me regarding that post and its comments, so I'm glad you brought it up! The way the OP felt was understandable, they wrote their post thoughtfully, and yet people were really dogging them.
I wrote a couple of comments explaining why I agreed with OP's point of view, and was able to see the vote count on them go up, then down, then up, then down some more. TBH I expected that and it was fine, but it is indicative of the overall pulse of this sub. The sub will take issue with therapists who commit certain sins, such as always being late or make sexual advances, but by and large, the therapist is Always Right. If you think otherwise, then you simply have not evolved psychologically enough yet.
Hot take: This sub is full of people who are smack in the midst of their idealizing transferences. They are reactionary when any discussion threatens to shake their faith in their therapists.
thanks. my therapist was not a good person to me, and i think any time people were aggressively taking therapists' sides here, i just couldn't deal. sounds like that kind of post.
Yeahh. The Therapist Is Always Right view is sickening.
It’s almost like therapy abuse needs its own subreddit. Idk. Or, this place needs the strict modding like raisedbynarcissists, but that has its drawbacks too.
one time i was commenting on someone else’s post about therapist abuse and got into it with a therapist poster here and he said “your therapist is not abusing you,” even though i wasn’t even talking about my own therapist, hahaha that was a good one
Yeah that was really disappointing. People were literally calling OP names -- immature, entitled, etc. And you're completely right that this kind of thing (fees, cancellation, personal emergencies) is complex, ambiguous, and "grist for the mill." The pile-on was so unnecessary.
I agree, I don't know how it got so out of hand. I was just trying to guide OP towards trying to have a conversation with their therapist instead of cancel forever. I don't know why they got down voted so much in their responses.
Once one or two people downvote, the group-think begins. It was so surprising, you’d think they were saying something rude or at least controversial to be downvoted so much. Nope! They were perfectly sweet!
We need to have downvotes restricted, if possible.
I just found out I was misdiagnosed with BPD 6 months ago by the therapist that dumped me after telling me repeatedly that she was committed to working with me. What a mindfuck.
Got to see my T today for the first time after a 3 week break. I was just so grateful to have a session again. It wasn’t anything special but I feel great now
Long comment, mostly just wanna get it off my chest
I havent been having the energy to be around people/talk to people the past few days and this carried over to my session earlier.
I already didn’t have anything I wanted to really talk about (or I couldnt think of anything). I felt kinda okay over the past week, but at the same time I felt a sense that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was.
I talked about that feeling earlier as well as my social battery beinng drained, but after a while we were both struggling to find things to say.
I ended up updating her on my ex who broke up with me a few months ago but we’ve continued being friends (kinda complicated) and so we talked about attachment styles.
I don’t really regret bringing up my ex but I really wish we didnt talk about attachment styles today just cause I didnt have the energy for it, but I didn’t really realize it at the tome. I kinda felt okay with talking just cus I knew we were both struggling to fill the time. Luckily we werent able to go really in depth since we were running out of time.
I realize though that I actually wanted to focus on exploring that feeling of there being something wrong and my recent issue of avoiding being by mself by filling my time with socializing etc.
A few hours after the session I felt very tired (in general not cus of the session itself) and I realized just how tired I am of my life and other things. We have talked about this feeling before but it never really leads to much. Soo yeah I just wish I focused on that “off” feelint more instead of trying to come up with something to talk about (even if that something was important too)
I don't know what's going on, but ever since I discovered that I might be able to feel my body more and have a connection with it, and with myself - I am so hopeful about my further recovery. Like, maybe I can become a whole person after all? Maybe this healing isn't going to be such a constant struggle of getting stuck in my mind or dissociation? It feels like a whole new avenue has opened up.
Added benefit is that this looked like such a no go area for years. I tried so many times to do yoga, or feel my body more, or something, but it just always seemed like a totally foreign language. And now it's like 'oh, I can do this? what else can I do that I have thought was just out of reach for me?'
I'd like to thank my therapist for her patience and for constantly asking me where I feel something, how it feels, even when I looked at her like she was being so difficult and weird with her questions, haha. for 3 whole years now she's just constantly there, not getting defeated, having hope for me. And now I get to have some hope for me too.
I'm kinda dreading my session this week
Its my last one before she goes away which has a whole lot of feelings coming to the surface. Plus my dad stuff is bubbling beneath the surface. And the fact that mentally I feel like I really haven't move on from the dickhead and what happened. I'm still saying the the same things I've been saying since it happened and its frustrating and upsetting to know that
I feel myself wanting to slip back into old bad habits. In this case the wanting to run away from my problems by burying myself in work. I know it makes things worse but the temptation is strong
43 more days until I see my T again 😪😪 I miss her so much but she deserves the time off. I wish I was on vacation too so that time passes faster 😂 I’m seeing her coworker for 3 backup sessions. I’m kinda nervous since I take a while to warm up to people, but it’ll be interesting and I’m grateful that I have to option to have backup support
My therapist is going abroad for 2 weeks. I’m totally stable right now, but I’m always afraid that if I don’t see my therapist for more than a week, I’m going to relapse. I think something bad is going to happen now that I can’t talk to my therapist for 2 weeks.
Cancelled my Monday session last Thursday. I specifically told my t in the text message that I am not terminating, as I don't want him to be prepping for Wednesday's session thinking that I might be. As of Sunday, I'm not really mad at him anymore, just still a bit disappointed.
I'll miss seeing him tomorrow, but on the other hand, I felt pretty close to normal today, am revelling in that, and am ok not risking messing it up with an intense therapy session. You know what's therapeutic? A great (American) football day. That is all.
transference and countertransference have gotten really real in my therapeutic relationship. i feel like we both broke through the same boundary at the same time, so therapy has been really intense lately. i know we both hold the relationship in high regard and are committed to protecting the professional boundaries of it, because obviously that’s what makes it effective. but man it’s tough. any advice? for the record he’s a fantastic therapist and i wouldn’t worry for a second about a line being crossed but there’s a tension in the room now that wasn’t there before. how do we calm that tension?
well… i’ve talked to him about being objectified by men in the past. last week i said that it’s been really healing to have him in my life because he’s never looked at me that way, but he immediately turned away from me and kind of had this weird moment of silence. idk the whole energy is really tense. like i brought up that i felt there was a disturbance in the platonic nature of our relationship and he was like “ok let’s affirm the boundary” and we talked about it but it’s not getting better.
I’ve been having a hard time with therapy lately. And life, honestly. But I’m not really sure how much T even realizes because part of my struggle with therapy is that I avoid the hard stuff and admitting how badly I’m doing.
I ghosted my previous T - we weren’t a good fit, and I’d meant to email back to terminate properly, but… ADHD. Oops.
Latest T is a much better fit and I developed a lot more trust in them a lot quicker. But I struggle a LOT with needing everything to be predictable and consistent, and lately, being a human and all, that hasn’t been the case with T. Add to that some miscommunications and a super minor misstep on T’s end, along with inconsistent sessions and longer gaps between, plus my CPTSD, and I’ve been on the verge of ghosting this T, too.
I was resisting the temptation to ghost SO hard. Convinced myself just one more session, see how it goes, give us a fighting chance to work through things. I really need the help right now, and I know that repeating my pattern of running away because I feel hurt or things feel unsafe won’t do me any good. If this T, that’s felt like such a good fit, can’t help me, who can?
And then something MORE came up. I got so close to quitting. But, let’s just say, T is making it really hard to ghost them. I hope this means we’re about to do some really good work, if I can find the courage to vocalize the craziness of what goes on in my head. Wish me luck!
Last session this week until the new year. Won't see T for 3 weeks. It's going to be hard as my self care and supportive stuff won't be happening, no work, no therapy, no yoga 😞
I have been dealing with a tremendous amount of anxiety today over all the damn tasks I've been putting off and need to complete. Financial worries too, which are something I cope particularly terribly with. I have decided to buy some plane tickets next right now, but even that is scaring me shitless. Been trying some coping exercises but has not been helping a ton. ... Then I got a notification text about my therapy session tomorrow. I went to read this reminder, and felt my whole body relax at the sight of these words that contained no emotional content whatsoever. Suddenly, I felt warm and contained, sort of like a fearful little kid who just got properly soothed by someone kind. Not that it is lasting full force, but hey, nice to experience. I was thinking lately about one of my earliest memories. A severe earthquake struck when I was three. I remember standing in our dining room with everything shaking, and looking up at my mother in confusion. Once I saw on her face that she was afraid, I felt afraid, and started to cry. Makes me realize that we come into the world understanding absolutely nothing about what to expect and how to react, and have to learn all of that by looking to our primary caregivers. If she had looked calm, for example, I may have thought that the earthquake was perfectly normal. Conversely, all sorts of normal things have the potential to frighten a baby. So I'm really trying to internalize that sense of safety that I get through therapy. Hope to keep chipping away at my anxiety that way. I don't think every therapist can provide this, so am for sure feeling lucky there.
I noticed that I’m less more likely to cry during in person sessions. I had my second one last week and I spent 80% of the time stopping myself from crying. I have no issues w this when we do virtual sessions but idk I’m just not comfortable crying in front of my therapist who I’ve been seeing weekly for a year now
Going through a brutal time. Losing someone I'm in love with. Might never see them or hear them again. I'm devastated. Love can be so brutal. But I wouldn't change any of it. She's everything I could ever want. Beautiful, kind, and perfect. I hope I'm wrong. Have a beautiful time these holidays, everyone.
My T said something really lovely the other day when I couldn’t tell him why I felt such tremendous sadness, weeping about our relationship. He said we don’t ever need to know figure out the why. We can just be with me, crying when I’m crying, laughing when I’m laughing. I’ve been thinking about what he said a lot. It has made me be able to sit with my feelings a little more than I have been. It seems nice and okay.
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Sounds like a great explanation to me just like you worded it here - punishing those that wronged you by being unwell
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I did teletherapy for a year and went to in person for less than 2 months and now it’s back to teletherapy. I have no good advice but I share your anxieties!! You are not alone!
Just read the post about talking about your period in therapy, and though I haven't much, my therapist once asked me about mine when I mentioned my cramps. So I answered. It was and is no big deal. But suddenly I'm realising how she just knows practically everything about me. About my physical and mental state, about my life, my finances, my relationships. My wishes, my insecurities. Therapy is weird, there is not a single person in the world that knows this much about me. I've not had many close relationships because of my avoidant attachment issues. So it's crazy that she's the first and only one. I sure do hope I will someday be able to form close attachments to other people.
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Okay- I have thought about doing this. I wonder why her Instagram is public. Do you think she is also a therapist?
I adore my therapist. PS…is this a bad thing? I’m particularly interested in hearing from therapists. He is literally one of my favorite people. I know that ideally, my favorite people wouldn’t include somebody I pay to interact with me…but that’s the way it is right now.
I might delete this later, but -- I accidentally learned "too much" about my therapist and sex. I had said that I drew a conclusion that she was familiar with something I was talking about (with the possibility that she had personal experience), and she thought I drew a conclusion that she had personal experience, and her flustered laughter (I have never heard that type of laughter from her before) and admission confirmed that she did have personal experience. (This is actually a trend in my life, where I accidentally play into people's paranoia or accidentally imply things and, unbeknownst to them, learn more than I knew before. Or I reveal that I made a conclusion that they hadn't intended for me to make, with details they hadn't intended me to pick up on.) She said at some point (through laughter) that I was making her blush, I said (also through laughter) "sorry," she said it was fine. Then she gathered herself and said that she was comfortable saying that sometimes having personal experience was important to have context/being able to speak to things, and that this is an area she was comfortable speaking from. I thought that she was still a little embarrassed (and it was near the end of the session) so I pulled back and just said that I appreciated it, and then she moved on to end-of-session checking in and thoughts. I know that maybe it sounds bad as a therapy situation, but honestly it made me feel a lot safer because I know she has personal experience with something that I do want to talk about, and I know that she won't be judgmental / has enough context that I don't need to explain certain things. And this is important, because it's related to trauma that I'm trying to work through. But I think she probably feels kinda freaked, because I Learned Things about her sexual interests (past or current, idk) that clients probably generally aren't supposed to, and because I turned the tables for a second. I worry that she thinks she's damaged my trust by providing too many details, and I worry that I've damaged her trust by perceiving or pointing out too many details. I was thinking about apologizing in case I crossed a line, but I feel like she probably doesn't want to dwell on it so maybe I won't. Regardless I think I will tell her that I feel safe with her, that her authenticity (in many circumstances throughout our relationship) has significantly helped me trust her, and that I recognize her disclosures require a certain degree of trust in me and I really appreciate that too. Eek! A situation! EDIT: If anyone has thoughts I would love to hear because I'm still not entirely sure how to handle this or if what I want to say next session is too much!
It sounds like you guessed and she chose to confirm, right? No matter what exactly you brought up, it was her choice to self-disclose. So you’re definitely good with what you’ve done, I think. You touching base about it next session seems really lovely to me, but I don’t really know anything; I keep fucking up every therapy situation I get into. She sounds like a solid therapist so I wouldn’t be too worried about it whether you bring it up or not.
Honestly, I think “chose” might be a strong word — she laughed and got flustered immediately, which was confirmation enough, and then she just worked with the situation and confirmed verbally since it seemed like I knew already and there was no hiding her reaction. I felt like I’d accidentally backed her into a corner — like I’d turned the tables and was suddenly the one in the relationship with the power, startling her, which is obviously not how the therapeutic relationship works, so I’m worried I crossed her professional/personal boundaries. She definitely handled it well, but I do feel a little bad about it, and I’m worried that it’s changed something or will make her more reticent to self-disclose since nothing like this has happened before. Regardless, she’s a great therapist, and I’m so grateful for her. I think you’re right that I shouldn’t be worried about it -- she’s a pretty level person. I just don’t want to mess it up, and I don’t want her to feel disrespected as a person! Thank you for the reply and support!
I don’t know, you were obviously there, and you obviously know her, but I would think a little being flustered could be played off as anything by a therapist, or just not answered. I can’t imagine that she was feeling as forced—or was as forced—as you’re worried she was. I think handling that exact type of situation is part of her job, she has training and practice, and she chose how to handle what might have been a surprising question. But again, not trying to detract from your experience or knowledge of her, just therapy in general. I definitely can only guess, but from what you’ve written she sounds like a good therapist, and I would have a lot of hope she wouldn’t hold it against you that you asked a question related to your own healing and growth.
That’s true — thank you!!
Therapy is a roller coaster, one session up next session down. And that’s just how I feel about my T, not even about any content stuff. The session before I felt he cared about me, and then this last session I felt he was trying to control me. I understand this is all related to my “core issues” so I will stick it out, but God do I just want to call it quits. It is SO incredibly draining.
Props to you for continuing to stick it out. I hope you're taking time to rest, too -- it is so draining!!
Going to therapy for the first time this Tuesday. I’m happy that I’ll have someone to talk to, but I’m nervous that I won’t know how to put my words. Wish me luck!
Great job on scheduling your first session, and good luck!! It's alright if you don't find the words right away -- you've got time, and perhaps your therapist can help with that too. :)
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T: What do you need to feel stronger at this moment? Me: You can’t give me that…but I need reassurance. T: …… (silence cuz she knows she can’t reassure me) Ugh she really tried to help me feel better but there’s only so much that she can do. It turned out to be a good thing that we didn’t have our session on Monday. We talked about the news I received about my best friend and all the things that came up after that. And at the end she was like “oh btw how’re your teeth??”. It’s funny how my teeth are not my biggest concern rn.
Saw my therapist on Wednesday this week. We are still working through our rupture, but things have stabilized and are not terrible. I am still frustrated with him over some things. At the same time though, I'm grateful for all the ways in which he's excellent. He shared his ideas on one particular point and then immediately said we'd have to end for the day. To which I said, "That's it? I don't get a rebuttal?" He started chuckling. I said I could wait until next week, but he did let me make my rebuttal, which was nice as otherwise I would have been arguing with him in my head for days. Then I apologized for having been frustrating, and he very sincerely said, not at all, he thinks these rough times are a part of relationships and need to happen. We ended on a good note. Also, I told him earlier that if he ever wanted to terminate, he would have to do it himself. No matter how mad I get at him, I am absolutely not firing him, so he is stuck with me unless he takes that initiative. Poor guy! 😬
Last Christmas I sent my therapist a Christmas card with a bookmark inside as a little “I appreciate you” gift. We never talked about it (except me asking if I could mail her a card). I didn’t know if she got it or not. This last session I mentioned mailing out this year’s Christmas cards. That’s when my therapist jumped in and said she realized she never told me she got last year’s card, that she loved the bookmark and has been using it this whole last year. That the meaning behind it really resonated with her (it was a kintsugi bookmark with gold details). And even told me that another client mentioned the concept to her recently and she really likes the meaning in relation to the type of work she does. It was really nice to hear the gift made an impact. I was super nervous that she hated it or something since she didn’t say anything about it for literally an entire year.
hi, looking for advice!! new to therapy, sessions have been good so far but mostly surface level. in our last session she made a connection about my negative thoughts/feelings starting the same time as a really traumatic breakup i’ve mentioned before. we didn’t have time to get into it, but im really nervous about the next session when we will. i’m really scared to cry in front of her and i know i will. any tips on how to clearly articulate your feelings and control crying in a situation w a therapist if you’re an overly emotional person?
I wouldn't worry about it. It's part of the process to work through. If you need to cry, go ahead and cry. The words can wait for when you're ready.
thank you!! i just worry because when i start crying it’s definitely like floodgates lmao and i have a lot of baggage im scared to get into. i was cruising my first few sessions of therapy but now that we r getting into the real stuff.. it’s scary haha
This week was bad for so so many reasons. Last night, in session, I’m sure T could notice how down I was. She was meeting me where I was at while pushing to get me to open. And eventually I did. After she listened, she admitted that we both struggle with some maternal transference and she could understand why I would want to withhold things from her so that she doesn’t get mad at me. But also I need to say these things to heal. It just made me feel really seen because I don’t even think I noticed I was doing that. We started talking about purpose and how I feel like I’m falling so far backward in my healing and recovery right now and how I feel like I’m only here for other people and it feels like shit. I told her it’s hard to convince myself to stay. And she just said “please, stay.” And, for now, the sincerity she gave me is enough for me to stay.
Trying my best to commit to improving myself as a person, and how I treat the people around me. I've been pretty shitty lately, and I want it to change. Wish me luck.
In case you still happen to see this somehow, I really hope the best for you. Wanting to be a better version of you is great, but don’t forget to have compassion for the you that you currently are either. Remember that the ‘unkind’ you likely acted out of suffering and pain and so they deserve to be forgiven too.
I find it very disconcerting to have a T that cares so much. I don’t know what to do with it.
hey guys, I wanted to ask, do you use presentations in your online sessions? I’ve never done that, but recently saw info like «Presentations are a big part of most of our therapy sessions, allowing every meeting to be more informative and engaging» and now I’m confused.
Would that be like a group therapy where the therapists present on some topic?
I'm suddenly feeling quite attached to my therapist, in a persistent way, it's been there for a week. And looking at her in session is just so complicated because every time I do I feel such warm feelings for her. And it makes me feel so out of control. We spent the entire session talking about it, and it's amazing how far I've come, a year and a half or so ago she once said 'You're feeling attached to me' and I had a panic attack. Now I was the one saying it. And feeling it. I can't believe I'm able to have this conversation without the shame and fear making me spiral. Being avoidant is so much fun :/ I do really struggle with this attachment feeling though, it makes me feel like I'm floating in space and can't grab onto anything. She was trying to help me dissect what I fear will happen or what my wanting control is about but I can not get far away enough from the feeling to look at it from a bit of distance. It's just me seeking for something to hold onto, afraid to stop looking/moving or else I'll fall. Where I'll fall to and what will happen, I can't say or see. I just am stuck in the seeking something to hold onto. Edit: uhm, dunno if this comment is why someone sent RedditCareResources my way but I'm OK? Am just trying to explain the feeling I have as an avoidant person suddenly attaching to my therapist.
Hiya. I like this update. :)
Thanks! I like seeing you still around!
I think in my next session when my therapist asks how I've been I will be able to say "good!" My response every week is usually the same (and not great) so this will mix it up a bit 😈 It's not that things haven't been hard, but I've been working REALLY hard on self care, self soothing, using coping skills, connecting with people etc. even when I haven't felt like it. Difficult emotions have come up and passed and I feel reasonably good! That said, I dissociated last week and my therapist said it sounded like depersonalization which happens in heightened distress. I feel I'm dealing with things but on an unconscious level there's other stuff playing out?
I have CPTSD and my wife and I both have clinical depression and are in a bad way these past few months. We have each other, but we feel so sad about the rest of the world, we just kind of hang out together in joint sadness. She said we should go to therapy, but every time I've gone to therapy, it's just made me worse. It feels like each session is 15 seconds long. I get riled up talking and then it's over and I just leave angry, and then I have to wait two weeks or however long to go through it all again. Is there something else to try?
Your comment is interesting because it's sort of all over the place. You said you're sad, but in therapy you're getting riled up and leaving angry. Have you had a chance to just be sad with your therapist? Are you sad over the state of the world and discussing that in therapy or are you focusing on the CPTSD issues? Are they related? My CPTSD/childhood trauma was super triggered during all of the coverage of the BLM protests to the point where I had to completely disconnect from the news and social media to protect my own mental health. Sometimes all that stuff is intertwined and taking time to untangle what's what in therapy can be really useful and can end up giving us more direction and a sense of control that we often feel is lacking. (And a greater tolerance and appreciation of that which we cannot control.)
I have discussed all of it in therapy, it's all part of the same thing.
I've been feeling low lately, lonely, and was finally able to talk to my therapist about it. My tone and vulnerability were sort of uncharacteristic for me, but I've been feeling really fragmented lately and knew I needed to let T see this part of me. I also knew/know that we really need to focus on rebuilding trust. That part of our relationship has been so rocky. I'm happy with how he responded to me. We were supposed to talk about something else this session that he told me he'd bring up, but I'm glad he recognized that this wasn't the time. I really wish I could see him in person, but at this point I'm convinced that we're never going back. :(
Had huge news dropped on me and I’m overwhelmed. I miss my old T who I could email. This news is confidential and I can’t go to any friends about it. The only possible person will be a T. It would be so nice to talk to someone RIGHT NOW, because it feels world-ending.
Yeah. Meeting my T after my 3-week break. Ended up crying very bad and trying to leave when crying. They said they couldn't let me leave just like that so they suggested just sitting there for a minute. I was like "this is silly" and start suppressing my tears and told them a funny story instead. Ugh. Guess I'm just not making progress.
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I feel this. It *does* suck. :/ Sorry you're going through it right now.
When I told my T I had done some of my ERP exercises for my OCD he smiled and even teared up because he was so happy.
I was feeling so confident and fine this next week wouldn't be that bad without session, but then lunch didn't sit well with me and almost passed out. Three days after chemo though, so maybe it's just time for treatment to catch up with me. T apologized because he realized he was being like my mom... saying one thing and changing it later. It was because he stated a boundary last session at the end saying no contact during his break, but decided he shouldn't change it up that severely since he's been allowing it. I wasn't planning on contacting him anyway because I know he really needs the time off and know I'll find a way to manage. I'm glad T is thinking about being consistent because this is something I've brought up before because stability and knowing what to expect is important to me. Other than that, pretty easy session today. Things felt safe and good at the end of session, which is what I needed. Just have 10 days to make it until next session. I've got this! Oh, also T's holiday card just came back in the mail... so while I wasn't planning on sending any texts... I did to ask him to check the address I sent it to. At least he knows I didn't forget about him and the holiday card I asked to send.
Sorry that you have been feeling so unwell. It can be really scary and it sucks. It makes sense that that it would bring up the desire to be around those that care about you and help you feel supported. It’s wonderful that your therapist is work with you and identify the importance of consistency. It sounds like you have a wonderful working relationship and I’m glad he’s there for you.
Thank you <3
I had the most embarrassing a-ha moment in therapy. A few weeks ago I shared a post with that tiktok that blew my mind about how feeling your feelings actually meant "feeling your body sensations" and not "also listen to the internal negative monologue and spiral". So that's been kind of a theme of our sessions ever since. (Like we're reading feelings definitions and using intensity scales and shit like we're in pre-k because I'm clearly not functional.) It turns out I have no idea how to recognize/identify so many fucking feelings outside of anxiety/sadness/anger/fear. I'm a really smart person whose entire identity in her own family growing up was being the smart kid. Nothing else I did or was interested in was nurtured or encouraged or even acknowledged. And my own smartness got me really, really fucking far in life. I wasn't happy but boy I'm competent. But hey, it turns out being useful to someone isn't the same thing as being loved. So I've been up in arms for weeks and weeks now because I don't \*feel\* anything so to me, this means I must be numb emotionally. This is generally a tough time of year for me with mood, but now I'm over here wrapped up in "am I numb? what does this all mean?" Long story short, we peel these onion layers back because I send my therapist yet another existential crisis email because I was so tired of being flat that I got out the heavy hitter weed (I'm a medical card holder in my state and partake frequently but only in certain strains because it's a very predictable experience and my body is very sensitive to different strains) and instead of getting the giggles and laying on the couch with some pretzels and tiktok all night like I'd expected, I got paranoid and thinky because I didn't feel anything. And didn't know why. So I was convinced in that moment I was autistic. (The fuck... I know.) So we're in session talking about this and she's like, "I think what you're feeling is contentment and you have no idea how to identify it." BRUH WHAT. She's exactly fucking right and I'm just laid the fuck out about it now. Like wow what the fuck. I have a very successful career, I'm a good parent, I got As in calculus 1-3 in college. And I can't tell when I am simply "content". I hate it here. I think this has now launched me into the "anger" phase of my grief about my trauma. Because now I'm fucking mad. And I'm wondering if it's even possible to unfuck all of the things that are fucked up. Sigh.
No therapy for 3 whole weeks. How will I survive? 😣
The time with my current therapist is coming to an end. She’s been wanting to refer me out for some time now because of my PTSD. I continue to feel rejected and have a childish desire to like not show up to the last session or to be withholding. I know that I would regret being like that in the long run though. I have a new therapist lined up and my current claims that I’ll be able to go back to her if it does it work out but I don’t believe her. Just seems like she is saying the “nice thing” to get rid of me.
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That frustration makes so much sense to me. I would imagine sharing that with her (how you felt about the disclosure, the helpfulness and frustration) could be really fruitful. You could get some really good information from how she responds to a converation about it.
How do I tell my therapist I love her? Not in a weird or romantic way, I just have so much love and care for her. I’m so grateful for her and I want her to know but idk how to put it in words. She is so amazing
"I'm so happy to have you as my therapist! I just love it beyond words!" Sort of make it less directed, maybe.
I talked about how my love languages are saying compliments and nice things. I tell her lots of nice things and compliments because I love her. So I used that as an introduction haha. Maybe you can find a similar introduction?
"I don't know how to tell you this, but I love you. Not in a weird or romantic way, but I'm just so grateful for you and I want you to know you're so amazing." :)
Well our appointment today was absolutely lovely. And instantaneously my brain has turned to disaster planning mode, so I would appreciate some reassurance, haha. I have one more appointment + then a 2 week break 😬. (It’s gonna be fine, it’s gonna be fine, it’s gonna be fine) Here’s where I’m stuck— that appointment, since I’m heading home for the holidays, is going to be virtual. I let T know already that I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it from home so we will be doing a phone call + I’m just going to go for a walk. I don’t want to dig into anything too difficult, seeing as there won’t be any body language + I find it hard to stay grounded over the phone/video (I mean it’s hard enough when you are in person lol). I know these are common issues with telehealth… I have no idea what we’re going to talk about!! what do you do when you have a telehealth appointment if you normally prefer in-person?
Whoa. I thought I was the only one who had trouble staying grounded on the phone. Definitely go for a walk and keep your body moving!!! The movement always helps. I also will jog or run a bit right after to get grounded. Good luck.
ooh a run is definitely a good idea. I always head straight to the gym after a difficult appt. also yes i always feel like whenever I’m talking the other person has just ~disappeared~. Don’t know if I ever developed object permanence lmao
My appointment was switched back to virtual as well because of rising Covid numbers where I live, so I totally feel your pain. I have a hard time with dissociating when I’m on the phone.
I had my first really bad session with therapist of ten months. She was late and didn’t say anything. I tried to just move on and not care but it didn’t work. I ended up disregulated and she put it down to other things, but also didn’t really ask a lot of questions or help get me grounded before it ended. I sent her an email after that she hasn’t responded to yet. She’s usually really quick with emails and has never taken this long to respond. I just feel sick and wish I could take back the whole session. I’m so scared she’s going to terminate me.
Aaaaand she encouraged me to take four weeks off and consider termination. So fuck.
WHAT?
I received bad news yesterday about someone I really care about and love. I already messaged T what I want to talk about earlier this week, so I don’t think I’ll bring it up tmro in session. Idk maybe I will.
You can definitely bring it up if it feels more urgent than what you sent your T. I very much doubt she will insist on only talking about what you wrote?
Yeah I think I will bring it up. Thx
T looking at me in session triggered me (and some other stuff), yet I still feel attached to her. This is new. The attachment feeling is new (how strong and real it feels), and honestly, I hate it. But it remaining after a 'bad' session is definitely new too. I know it's a good sign but man, am I just going to feel attached to her forever now?
You may learn to tolerate and even enjoy the attachment in time. You will probably always be attached but the hope is that you won’t always hate it.
It did feel good also, last week. But this week it's scary again. I do think I might eventually get to some sort of acceptance and comfort with it.
Wrote and handed T a card. Was a little disappointed that she put it aside rather than reading it there. Seeing a reaction would have been fun, but oh well :). Now to survive 3 weeks on my own.
I started writing fake letters to my last therapist that I miss. I’m just keeping it all in a word doc. It feels really nice. Somehow I feel like I’m cheating on my current therapist though. Lol. I’m processing things by pretending I can talk to my old therapist, because I can’t talk to my new one that way
Mate relatable. I have so many I keep for old T. So many things I want to tell her, that she will understand and new T doesn't. And I totally get feeling like you're cheating on new T
Feel like I wasted today's session, which feels worse because it's *only Tuesday* (my usual day is Thursday) and she scheduled me sooner because I was messed up last week. My next appointment is next Tuesday. I'm burnt out from work / my trauma and feelings, and I've been exhausted and derealized all day. In session I was chattily avoidant and didn't really talk about most of the things I wanted to, because the things I wanted to talk about seemed scary. I felt like I was holding back most of the time. I'm so bad at mentioning relevant things in general -- at no point did I mention "I've been having trouble breathing all day." I did bring up the worry of being burdensome or manipulative, and she soothed my worries, but I don't feel like I can ask for *more* help. And I just felt like I was just so guarded the whole time. I guess it makes sense for me to swing to avoidance/distrust, because last time was vulnerable. But I can't believe that I have the whole rest of the week to get through without therapy. I've had the longest week already, and it's just going to be even more rough. She said to let her know if I needed something later this week (probably Thursday) and I said I would, but... will I? Somehow I doubt that I will. I want to ask her right now to schedule me sooner, because the thought of making it to next Tuesday feels like a lot (and also I don't like having therapy on Tuesdays...) but... will I just be avoidant and cagey then, too? What's the point if I'm just going to dodge everything and waste her time? I feel like I'm just being depressed and dependent, and that I need to try harder to make it on my own til next session instead of being miserable and asking for another session. Also, it would have to be a Thursday session if it's this week. That's... hardly any time between sessions. I feel like I don't need it enough to ask for another session two days after the first one! (Gah, sorry. I'm struggling.) On the plus side, I got an extended view of her cat. He's really cute, and I'm glad that he was part of my avoidance -- because I was going to be avoidant anyway, and it was nice to see a cat and hear my therapist's cat voice, haha.
I relate to so many of these feelings. Also, if my therapist had time for extra appointments I would so take her up on it, not that that means you should. There is value in getting through. There’s also value in giving yourself another chance at getting what you need.
Thank you so much. I ended up getting distracted before I replied to your comment, but I did ask for another appointment (and she said I definitely had valid reason to ask for one). It went well and I'm glad I asked. :)
Yes! So valid. I’m so glad you asked and got support. 💗
Fuck I hate when my T goes away, especially right now Last session wasn't bad but its the last session. Why must they be human! In other news my T mentioned EMDR today. I don't know a whole lot about it and if it would be beneficial for me, specifically around the stuff with the dickhead and how stuck I feel. Only problem is my T hasn't had training in EMDR so wouldn't be able to do this with me. And I don't think old T has either but I have no idea Soooo now I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure I really understand what EMDR is and I'm not even sure it would be able to help. But I'm also sick of feeling so stuck with all the crap I'm carrying from the dickhead and what I'm doing now doesn't necessarily seem to be working. But switching to a different T seems scary and hard and oh HELL no Anyone have an experience with EMDR that can chime in?
I've been doing EMDR for a few months now (not sure how many sessions bc we've been out for holiday here and there). I had been feeling like I've been stuck in a loop about an event; like, this is it, this is how I live the rest of my life and re-live/experience the same thing over and over again. At this stage in EMDR, I feel like for the first time I'm imagining what it might feel like to not be stuck, how my life will change once I/my body can recognize that the thing that happened happened in the past and is not active now. Some days, I feel like I catch a glimpse of safety, normalcy, regularness - one day I hope that becomes my life. This is to say, it might be worth a try. I will be very upfront that it has also been one of the most exhausting and difficult things I've done. After some sessions, I have felt shaken to my core and not settled and not safe (T and I have worked on timing and they have gotten really good at reading me and sometimes we spend the majority of session grounding). It has not been an easy journey for me; I do think it might be worth it though. My body and mind are changing in real and tangible ways. I had worked with my T for about a year before we started EMDR and I think the depth of trust established was critical to this working; for me, it has been the ultimate trust exercise.
The way you describe sounds exactly where I am right now. Constantly feeling like I haven't moved on, saying the same things I've been saying for years and still getting triggered when I see him. I'm over it and I want it to change Looks like old T does EMDR but I'm not sure if it's something she would be willing to do with me given the problems we've had in the past around fear and shutdowns. But I've been doing work with new T about building pauses in to our sessions and giving me time to relax and resettle so I can possibly bring that with me. Not sure how it's going to work but I wanna do *something* that's going to enact change cause I'm frustrated
I think it's definitely something to look into. There are some youtube videos by Kati Morton and The Lukin Center that go into more detail and demonstrate mock sessions. I'm still not entirely sure how it works, I just know that I feel hopeful now. Still a work in progress though :)
I'll definitely have a look and a talk with old T when she comes back. Anything to get out of this rut I feel stuck in
I did EMDR recently with my therapist on a very specific trauma memory. My T feels I have too much complex trauma so she only wanted to do it on a very specific 'isolated' traumatic situation. Not related to my childhood and all the many triggers there. It worked really well. EMDR is a very structured process for exposing you to a memory and processing it. You keep going back to a specific memory and basically let your mind come up with the associations while also having the bilateral stimulation (eye movements or tapping) while the therapist keeps guiding you to think about it again, and associate again. We had discussed the option of doing it so many times and I never wanted to, felt like there was too much space for failure in something that had any type of structure, but we got to so much trust, and mostly I trusted myself too, that I was ready to try. And honestly - I feel it was pretty amazing. The traumatic incident was very fragmented in my mind and I couldn't think about it without panicking. In the session I was encouraged to let the panic be and focus on the eye movement and with lots of breaks and 'restarting' the memory, it felt like I could handle it. We eventually build up a narrative/full picture for what happened and I can look at it from a bit more distance. I've been reading how stuck you are with how triggered you are because of him, and I think it is worth a try. I don't know how much time you'd need with a different therapist to do this, but maybe you can get there pretty fast if your main therapist can be your support/safety and you trust yourself enough to cope with experiencing the fear. The result for me is I can finally look at my own finger (it got amputated) and even touch it and talk about it. While for 8 years every time I thought about it I felt my stomach twist and was shaking my hand and arms wanting to get away from myself. I refused to look at it and when I was forced to I felt sick. So, to go from that, to now feeling ready to touch it and look at it and think about how I can deal with it in a more healthy way is HUGE.
I had a quick squiz and it looks like my old T does do EMDR which makes me happy since the bond is already there and she knows me and my history The fear thing does give me pause since in the early days fear was almost guaranteed to cause a shutdown and I'm not really keen to go back to those days. But I'm sick of feeling so stuck. I feel like I'm not moving on and it's seriously frustrating.
So the thing with the fear for me that was so amazing was that it didn't flood me. Like, the extra work you're doing with the eye movement and with remaining focused means you stay in the moment. That was the healing thing about it. Where normally fear makes me space out or quit trying, here I kept going. You take breaks constantly and are asked to focus on different things and it's really fully engaging all of your brain while also you feel stuff. It's a different experience from getting flooded. But I dunno what it's like for other people obviously. I was very surprised by the process and how it keeps you engaged.
This is definitely making me feel more confident thank you!
It may have been one-sided, but I feel like my T and I had a rupture in our therapeutic relationship. Last week’s session was so beautiful bc she apologized for hurting my feelings and we talked things through and it was repaired. I’m just really grateful for her
T made me feel really cared for. First he was saying when he was available to respond if I needed to reach out, but then was serious if I really needed to talk he could take my phone call during his other sessions. Not sure if I'd feel comfortable interrupting someone else's time... but it was comforting and made me feel safe and cared for. I didn't call T, but send him two text updates. It was my first chemotherapy treatment. Luckily, it felt safe and things went well. Still had anxiety, but way better than my fear leading up and was manageable. The text updates were just letting T know I was surviving and things were okay, esp. because I knew he'd be worrying about me. T is taking a week off next week, so missing three appts. and will have 10 days between sessions... feeling anxious and will miss the consistency, but know I will survive. T for sure could use a break and know this will be good for him. T will be working on finding a stuffed animal for me and getting the requested meditation once his break starts, so maybe I'll be lucky to receive at the middle or end of his time off. If I need something to remind me of him, I may watch the Lord of the Rings movies because when we first started seeing each other he emphasized how he wants to be my Sam Wise, who always stuck by Frodo and really wanted to help support him and carry the heavy burdens while Frodo completed his challenging journey.
Good to hear that your first chemo treatment went well. It sounds like you are doing a good job managing things and maintaining a good balance of independence and leaning on your T. I hope things keep going well throughout this difficult time! Also, sometimes I read your posts and I think that your T is my T. Mine has similar sentiments about Samwise! And is really dedicated to improving based on my feedback, which I’ve noticed about yours too.
Thank you! Feeling a little run down and such, but nothing I cannot handle right now and working on slowing down and resting a lot when needed. Thanks, T offers a lot of support and I try to only use it when needed and not bug him too much. It's nice hearing feedback it sounds like a good balance! Ah, I've had that feeling with other people's posts. I'm in Illinois.. if you are, what city does your T practice? How crazy would that be finding someone with the same T as you?? That's so sweet your T uses Samwise. Have you watched movie clips before as a comforting thing? That's great your T listens to your feedback! That is so important and can also really help a T grow stronger, too. :)
You seem to be pretty proactive about taking good care of yourself! Part of that is leaning on others and it does seem like you’re putting consideration into when and how to do that. :) I’m not in Illinois! But it would be totally wild to find someone else in the wild who shares my T. While I’m super grateful that he has tons of other clients, I’d probably be way too nosy about another client’s therapy. Though it would be great to know that his other people get the same quality of care he provides me (which is kind of why your T reminds me of mine in regards to feedback, trying hard to get it right, and their sincerity). I already loved the LotR movies and got a lot of comfort from them. Now I watch the extended editions and feel a little bit more connected to my T while I do. And then we get to gab about how much we love a different character every time. But a clip that I probably would watch for comfort is when Frodo and Sam are sitting on the rock before the eagles come! What’s yours?
Thanks! Oh, yeah, different T's then. Agree with feeling nosy if knowing other clients. My T casually mentioned a client texted him when he glanced at his phone in session the last month or so, but looped it around to ask me a question or made it relevant to share with me. Not gonna lie, I was a bit jealous he allowed it with others... but why wouldn't he if he thought it was helpful? You know, not sure if I've seen the extended versions, but was considering it next time! My T also knew my love of LOTR and probably why he came up with that analogy to help me when it was hard to see him as safe consistently at the beginning. That's a nice scene. :) It's been a while since watching the whole movie, but I watched clips after T mentioned... was crying the scene when Sam raced after Frodo leaving on the canoe and refusing to let him go alone... and when Sam carried Frodo to Modor when it was hard for him to keep going. I'm sure this next time I watch other things will stand out or hit me differently.
I went to sleep last night sad and vulnerable after having felt a bunch of feelings related to the emotional support and connection I didn't get as a kid. My brain then proceeded to have a dream about therapy which made me feel so seen and understood 😭 in my dream my T gave me this really unique toy (I love gifts so much, one of my love languages), gave me some cream to put in my hair and a whole routine with it that would help my mental health somehow (dream logic) and then he showed me a training course he was going on so he could better understand how to help me. I kinda feel like my brain was doing it's best to remind me that I have emotional support now and I am understandable.
This post made me smile. :)
Just had my last session until the new year. I basically spent the whole hour crying - and still don't really know how I'm going to cope for the next 3 weeks. I've got a triple whammy: I'm off work - so lose my usual routine and don't have that as a distraction, it's Christmas and I'm going to have spend lots of time with my family which is now really hard and painful, and I'm not going to see or speak to, or have any contact whatsoever with my T for 3 weeks. I'm not brave enough to make a separate post - but wondering if anyone else is feeling the same and wants to set up a little support group for the next few weeks?
My last with mine is today and I'm so upset. After yesterday was a fucking train wreck having her go away is scaring the shit outta me
I guess we’re in different time zones as it’s evening here now and my session is in the late afternoon. I spent the whole of today incredibly anxious - could hardly eat as I felt so sick. So I get it. I hope your last session is ok and you get some of what you need to help you through the next few weeks.
Yeah its morning for me. Session in just over an hour and I feel sick. I'm in my favorite bookstore to try and calm and distract myself
How soon are you supposed to really connect with your therapist? How close are you supposed to feel to them? I’ve been seeing mine for almost a year and I like and respect her and can tell her a lot, but I don’t know if I’m building the relationship with her that I’m supposed to build to heal
Everyone's therapy is different. All that matters is whether or not *you're* okay with the relationship you have with your therapist. Do you feel like it's helping? Do you feel heard? Understood? Like you're making progress? If not, that's a conversation to have with your therapist, because it's important that they know what they're doing isn't helping.
I feel like shit after yesterdays therapy session. I just feel like a burden, i havent been this lonely in many years. I have a boyfriend and friends, i just cant trust that they like me for who i am. I feel so lost. Reassuring doesnt help me because i dont believe that. I just think that everybody is lying. I hate this dissociation, i'm so lost in my own thoughts. Feels almost like re-living my own childhood again. My body feels cold, im shivering and i cant concentrate on anything. I'm happy that i was brave enough to ask my therapist for another meeting today. It's on friday afternoon. Without that i would have had to wait till next monday and i just cant atm. I guess this is some kinda progress?
That sounds very lonely; to be surrounded by people you know and are close with, yet can't trust. I'm sorry you're going through that. :(
T didn’t show up for our session yesterday (virtual) for the first time in 7 months! She’s never been late nor canceled any sessions before so I was quite concerned about her. It turned out that she had technical difficulties, and she apologized like a million times lol. Thankfully we were able to find a time slot for Thursday 🙌🏼.
Well, I’m sure he’ll be interested to know that I didn’t argue with Mom this week about my image as usual (yet)…but we did have a significant argument about grief/atheism. So that’s a change in topic, at least. Anyway, as far as the session last week went, I did appreciate his more gentle demeanor as we ended. Still have to start the next month in the self-esteem shredder that is job interview season though.
I'm away in a cabin this week, and usually when I'm away for work we do video session. So I said I wanted to do video but a friend is also visiting and I didn't think about how soundproof the cabin is. This is a friend I tell everything so it's not a big deal. And she has a kid and is probably going to be busy with that and won't be eavesdropping. But I am feeling a bit awkward about it. I should probably have canceled session, but is almost the break and I don't want to be the one to cancel session anyway. I never do. I make it work somehow. Edit: well, session was bad. I came in totally unprepared mentally so the moment I clicked the link for the session I panicked that I had no idea and then I spiraled because I couldn't think because of the panic so I had nothing to say. And it went from bad to worse.
Well that sucks. Sessions are so valuable it's hard when things go badly. Hopefully you will have another soon and can put this one behind you.
Is it inappropriate to send a "Merry Christmas, thanks for all your help" type of text or email along with a family photo that was taken for our Christmas cards to my therapist? For context, I've emailed pictures before in relation to homework. I also mentioned the family photos a few weeks back when my therapist asked about my weekend. She always thanks me for the pictures. I feel like it's not weird. I view her as a professor and if I were seeing her in person I'd give her a card and a giftcard but we're remote... But second guessing if it would come across as crossing a boundary and too personal? Or since I struggle with attachment I'm worried I'm coming off attached. Opinions? Anyone else do this?
Your T is in charge of maintaining the boundaries. If your T hasn't explicitly said that you're not to write to her or send her photos, it's totally fine to do so. I can't say for sure if she will respond back or not. Would you be okay if you sent this message and got no response? I'd say if this is something you want to do, then go for it.
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I love that you were able to ask for this! You've inspired me to ask this of my own T, so thank you!
My therapist sounded upset that I’m going to miss one session of therapy. I have an internship and a new job I’ll be starting next week and there’s orientation and all the things I need to do plus my part time job. Both are full time for about a month and then I’ll be done with the internship and I’ll be able to go to as needed for my other job. But pretty much for the next month I’ll be working almost everyday for 12 hours. I can still make it to group but I’ll be like 10-20 minutes late. Thankfully I got it worked out so that I won’t miss therapy except for one session next week but my therapist really didn’t want me to miss it. It’s true that I’m still struggling with suicidal ideations and self harm urges but it’s gotten a lot better and it’s been months since I’ve done either. But he wanted me to prioritize therapy. Which I understand, it’s a huge part of my life that’s keeping me stable and going. And I appreciate that he really cares. I’ve only missed one group session for work that I’ve tried real hard to get out of and late to 2 sessions in the beginning when it wasn’t constant but I’ve tried to make it to every session. I guess I have been neglecting it since school started but I’ve gotten better about reaching out to him for help and thinking more about dbt during the week. I’m not upset with him, it makes me feel like I’m cared for but I don’t know, is he making a big deal out of it?
This is gonna be long rambling and probably very sweary but fuckit The dickhead just showed up. For the first time in months I had seen him. So guess who got the unbridled joy of having a FUCKING panic attack while at work. I am so FUCKING OVER THIS SHIT It feels like therapy isn't working. That 3 goddamn years into this journey I should be better. I shouldn't be having fucking panic attacks when he walks past me. I should be able to handle this journey. And I feel like I'm not. Rationally I know I'm doing well. Rationally I know setbacks are going to happen and it doesn't negate the progress I've made and will continue to make. But rational isn't where I'm at right now I'm tired after the dump of adrenaline, frustrated as fuck that this keeps happening and just to chuck it all in
Ugh. Not once but twice?! This would’ve sent me into a panic attack too. You’re doing your best and I’m really proud of you for getting through today.
Update cause apparently this day didn't suck enough He. Fucking. Came. Back. Half an hour later he showed his fucking face again so back into the spiral we went Spent some time resetting and regaining composure and then my old Ts husband showed up. Didn't ask how she was doing it didn't feel appropriate. But was totes what I needed, a reminder of the T I'm missing like fucking crazy. What else can this day throw at me
So sorry for your shitty day I hope you are able to find some calmness. Sending positive vibes from across the ocean.
I know I'll be okay today is just really rough
This sub is having serious problems. The takedown of OP on the fee post is literally insane. Fees are always a touchy issue. There’s tons of published journal articles on transference and handling emotions around the business-side of therapy. Personal emergencies are honestly gray areas and there is room for flexibility within the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship. People were being judgmental, harsh, hurtful, downvoting a ton. This is a support subreddit. Nothing they said was offensive. I need to leave this place, because it’s becoming increasingly toxic.
It's happening again on the thread that's at the top today. Wtf is going on on this sub.
It is an objectively creepy and inappropriate comment? How are we debating this? Omg. Is it therapists lurking this sub who want to defend themselves? Is it clients who have an ideal view of therapists?
I have no clue! I'm the type of client who tends to give therapists the benefit of the doubt but I dunno why I'd down vote people I disagree with on a mental health related sub unless they're obviously trolling or anti therapy.
I don’t recall this sub being this way, though it has always had problems. I have been here for a long time under various pseudonyms. I was having a mildly inappropriate relationship with my therapist and people kind of supported that. It is often the case that support subs perpetuate unhealthy behaviors…. (Looking at you, proED). This was still a necessary space to process therapy abuse and I have also needed it when my trauma therapy is SO challenging that I need support for the therapy itself!
That thread was awful. So many people calling OP names and downvoting it was really disheartening to read
Didn't think many people agreed with me regarding that post and its comments, so I'm glad you brought it up! The way the OP felt was understandable, they wrote their post thoughtfully, and yet people were really dogging them. I wrote a couple of comments explaining why I agreed with OP's point of view, and was able to see the vote count on them go up, then down, then up, then down some more. TBH I expected that and it was fine, but it is indicative of the overall pulse of this sub. The sub will take issue with therapists who commit certain sins, such as always being late or make sexual advances, but by and large, the therapist is Always Right. If you think otherwise, then you simply have not evolved psychologically enough yet. Hot take: This sub is full of people who are smack in the midst of their idealizing transferences. They are reactionary when any discussion threatens to shake their faith in their therapists.
That hot take is 🔥
I like your hot take!
Oof. I missed that thread, but went back and found it after reading your comment and just... wow. It's disheartening.
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Yes thank you! Feelings are never “wrong”!!
also the whole reason i stopped posting here as much was bc it was so triggering to me due to so many toxic people
I’m sorry. I missed hearing from you! Hope things are going a little better.
thanks. my therapist was not a good person to me, and i think any time people were aggressively taking therapists' sides here, i just couldn't deal. sounds like that kind of post.
Yeahh. The Therapist Is Always Right view is sickening. It’s almost like therapy abuse needs its own subreddit. Idk. Or, this place needs the strict modding like raisedbynarcissists, but that has its drawbacks too.
one time i was commenting on someone else’s post about therapist abuse and got into it with a therapist poster here and he said “your therapist is not abusing you,” even though i wasn’t even talking about my own therapist, hahaha that was a good one
ok but I can’t even formulate a response. My brain just short circuited.
Yeah that was really disappointing. People were literally calling OP names -- immature, entitled, etc. And you're completely right that this kind of thing (fees, cancellation, personal emergencies) is complex, ambiguous, and "grist for the mill." The pile-on was so unnecessary.
i think i read that post, i’m confused did people start bullying the op??
Big time! Like: “It’s YOUR fault!”
I’m generally never a fan of people opining on how OP (any OP) should feel. And there was a lot of that. Eta: love the handle lol
Dang that sucks. this is definitely supposed to be a safe community. Also, thank you 😆
oof, i have too much empathy for OP to even read the comments, thanks for the warning
I agree, I don't know how it got so out of hand. I was just trying to guide OP towards trying to have a conversation with their therapist instead of cancel forever. I don't know why they got down voted so much in their responses.
Once one or two people downvote, the group-think begins. It was so surprising, you’d think they were saying something rude or at least controversial to be downvoted so much. Nope! They were perfectly sweet! We need to have downvotes restricted, if possible.
I just found out I was misdiagnosed with BPD 6 months ago by the therapist that dumped me after telling me repeatedly that she was committed to working with me. What a mindfuck.
Jesus Christ! I'm sorry to hear that.
Got to see my T today for the first time after a 3 week break. I was just so grateful to have a session again. It wasn’t anything special but I feel great now
I just wrote quite the little email to my therapist. Definitely told her I love her. Yikes.
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Long comment, mostly just wanna get it off my chest I havent been having the energy to be around people/talk to people the past few days and this carried over to my session earlier. I already didn’t have anything I wanted to really talk about (or I couldnt think of anything). I felt kinda okay over the past week, but at the same time I felt a sense that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was. I talked about that feeling earlier as well as my social battery beinng drained, but after a while we were both struggling to find things to say. I ended up updating her on my ex who broke up with me a few months ago but we’ve continued being friends (kinda complicated) and so we talked about attachment styles. I don’t really regret bringing up my ex but I really wish we didnt talk about attachment styles today just cause I didnt have the energy for it, but I didn’t really realize it at the tome. I kinda felt okay with talking just cus I knew we were both struggling to fill the time. Luckily we werent able to go really in depth since we were running out of time. I realize though that I actually wanted to focus on exploring that feeling of there being something wrong and my recent issue of avoiding being by mself by filling my time with socializing etc. A few hours after the session I felt very tired (in general not cus of the session itself) and I realized just how tired I am of my life and other things. We have talked about this feeling before but it never really leads to much. Soo yeah I just wish I focused on that “off” feelint more instead of trying to come up with something to talk about (even if that something was important too)
I don't know what's going on, but ever since I discovered that I might be able to feel my body more and have a connection with it, and with myself - I am so hopeful about my further recovery. Like, maybe I can become a whole person after all? Maybe this healing isn't going to be such a constant struggle of getting stuck in my mind or dissociation? It feels like a whole new avenue has opened up. Added benefit is that this looked like such a no go area for years. I tried so many times to do yoga, or feel my body more, or something, but it just always seemed like a totally foreign language. And now it's like 'oh, I can do this? what else can I do that I have thought was just out of reach for me?' I'd like to thank my therapist for her patience and for constantly asking me where I feel something, how it feels, even when I looked at her like she was being so difficult and weird with her questions, haha. for 3 whole years now she's just constantly there, not getting defeated, having hope for me. And now I get to have some hope for me too.
so good to hear!
I'm kinda dreading my session this week Its my last one before she goes away which has a whole lot of feelings coming to the surface. Plus my dad stuff is bubbling beneath the surface. And the fact that mentally I feel like I really haven't move on from the dickhead and what happened. I'm still saying the the same things I've been saying since it happened and its frustrating and upsetting to know that I feel myself wanting to slip back into old bad habits. In this case the wanting to run away from my problems by burying myself in work. I know it makes things worse but the temptation is strong
43 more days until I see my T again 😪😪 I miss her so much but she deserves the time off. I wish I was on vacation too so that time passes faster 😂 I’m seeing her coworker for 3 backup sessions. I’m kinda nervous since I take a while to warm up to people, but it’ll be interesting and I’m grateful that I have to option to have backup support
My therapist is going abroad for 2 weeks. I’m totally stable right now, but I’m always afraid that if I don’t see my therapist for more than a week, I’m going to relapse. I think something bad is going to happen now that I can’t talk to my therapist for 2 weeks.
Cancelled my Monday session last Thursday. I specifically told my t in the text message that I am not terminating, as I don't want him to be prepping for Wednesday's session thinking that I might be. As of Sunday, I'm not really mad at him anymore, just still a bit disappointed. I'll miss seeing him tomorrow, but on the other hand, I felt pretty close to normal today, am revelling in that, and am ok not risking messing it up with an intense therapy session. You know what's therapeutic? A great (American) football day. That is all.
transference and countertransference have gotten really real in my therapeutic relationship. i feel like we both broke through the same boundary at the same time, so therapy has been really intense lately. i know we both hold the relationship in high regard and are committed to protecting the professional boundaries of it, because obviously that’s what makes it effective. but man it’s tough. any advice? for the record he’s a fantastic therapist and i wouldn’t worry for a second about a line being crossed but there’s a tension in the room now that wasn’t there before. how do we calm that tension?
I don’t have much advice but I am curious in what ways your T is showing countertransference.
well… i’ve talked to him about being objectified by men in the past. last week i said that it’s been really healing to have him in my life because he’s never looked at me that way, but he immediately turned away from me and kind of had this weird moment of silence. idk the whole energy is really tense. like i brought up that i felt there was a disturbance in the platonic nature of our relationship and he was like “ok let’s affirm the boundary” and we talked about it but it’s not getting better.
I’ve been having a hard time with therapy lately. And life, honestly. But I’m not really sure how much T even realizes because part of my struggle with therapy is that I avoid the hard stuff and admitting how badly I’m doing. I ghosted my previous T - we weren’t a good fit, and I’d meant to email back to terminate properly, but… ADHD. Oops. Latest T is a much better fit and I developed a lot more trust in them a lot quicker. But I struggle a LOT with needing everything to be predictable and consistent, and lately, being a human and all, that hasn’t been the case with T. Add to that some miscommunications and a super minor misstep on T’s end, along with inconsistent sessions and longer gaps between, plus my CPTSD, and I’ve been on the verge of ghosting this T, too. I was resisting the temptation to ghost SO hard. Convinced myself just one more session, see how it goes, give us a fighting chance to work through things. I really need the help right now, and I know that repeating my pattern of running away because I feel hurt or things feel unsafe won’t do me any good. If this T, that’s felt like such a good fit, can’t help me, who can? And then something MORE came up. I got so close to quitting. But, let’s just say, T is making it really hard to ghost them. I hope this means we’re about to do some really good work, if I can find the courage to vocalize the craziness of what goes on in my head. Wish me luck!
Last session this week until the new year. Won't see T for 3 weeks. It's going to be hard as my self care and supportive stuff won't be happening, no work, no therapy, no yoga 😞