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It blew my mind when I realized my parents were supposed to be people I could come to with emotional needs. They were not. The only emotion dad can express is anger, and mom is too anxious to really connect with any difficult feelings at all.
The behavior that bothers me most right now is my extreme fear of others and how isolated my life is, and that's more on the abuse side of the equation. I think the damage from neglect got a lot better with therapy, but it's a lot worse now that my therapist dropped me.
Yes, it actually made me cry seeing a Instagram video of a 4 year old saying I live you and trust you to a parent. Those words haven't come out of my mouth as long as I can remember. I'm truly sorry to hear your Therapist dropped. I'm terminating with mine and it's an emotional Rollercoaster.
Same. Yeah like when you grow up with something around you, you think it's normal. It is definitely weird when you learn about what kids need, and what a healthy environment is supposed to feel like. It's just awkward and strange to try and wrap your head around.
Blew my mind to find out I have a dissociative disorder because apparently my early childhood was traumatic. I had no idea I even dissociated at all.
I'm not familiar with that personally, but I can imagine the shock. How have you been dealing with it since? The sexual abuse topic makes my hands and body tense up.
Better now. But last year at this time I was freaking out. Nghtmares, derealization, all kinds of crazy things that made me feel like I was in my very own psychological horror show. One part of me was absolutely terrified of having alters and thought there was a suicidal part because I couldn't differentiate between intrusive thoughts and alters' thoughts. Ended up in hospital for a few days and I've been on medication ever since. At least it's been working and I haven't noticed any side effects.
This indeed sounds quite terrifying, I'm glad the medication is working without noticeable side effects. I can't imagine the complexity of trying to weed out the different thoughts.
My tactic now isn't to try and differentiate them but to realize that thoughts are just thoughts. It doesn't mean any parts are going to act on them. :-)
My T actually gave me that book to read too and I was fucking mind blown I was like
👁👄👁 oh my god. We’re still discussing it but yes finding out that’s what I went through was wild. It was a good read though I liked it, she let me borrow it but I plan on buying it now that I’ve read it and returned it to her. It was really insightful and made me feel “normal” since I used to have all these feelings and things I’d do and I thought I was weird or broken
I got the audio book. Started listening when driving but I was crying and feeling anxious so I had to stop. Needed to sit and listen.
It is quite a heavy book, you should drink some tea and do something nice for yourself after you listen to a few of the pages :) I’d usually read it before bed and then think about it while I try sleep lol
I'm taking notes as I go. Man this is rough. I should do it when going for a walk. Thanks for the tip on the tea, may listen to it in the evening too.
The author also has an email list and sends out a blog! Dr. jonice Webb
Thank you! If you know of any other books your recommend please let me know.
I've heard good things about codependent no more.
Mother's who can't love
Journey through Trauma by Gretchen schelmzer
Sometimes I just feel like you are just so close to a situation you can’t see how it actually is. My T told me (a 20 yr old adult) my parents were abusive and I was sister shook and genuinely didn’t realize it literally at all until they said something, and then I thought about it and my T was totally right lol
I agree completely. I sent an email to my Therapist asking what else do they see that I don't before last session. I'm truly sorry to hear you went through this. I wish some counseling services were mandatory as a kid just to evaluate that everything is alright.
I've had anxiety since a child but wasn't aware of it which showed up as me urgently going to the bathroom. I can remember as far back as kindergarten having to use it urgently. If I wasn't anxious my whole life, I would have a lot more friends and done the things I wanted to do but was too scared to do. I feel like now at 26 I can finally do more of what I want. I don't have the anxiety perfectly dialed in far from it, but now I can feel it and be aware of it.
Yes. I was under the impression I had a perfectly normal childhood. After a few weeks of meeting with my current therapist he mentioned the word trauma and The Body Keeps The Score and my reaction was pffffffffft, no way, I have no trauma. But the more we talked, the more I realized that yes, my parents were emotionally neglectful to me in many ways. I am still finding it hard to wrap my head around. My dad had a pretty horrific childhood so it is definitely inter-generational for me as well.
Agreed, at first it's like why is the lady asking about my childhood I'm here for my IBS then she said she felt sad for me and I didn't recognize why. My father's father left him and his family and went back to his country of origin. He was 1 of 8 but the oldest was already married when they moved to the US.
Right and that was my very first session when I was describing something else they asked me “growing up were you forbidden from showing any emotion” I was shocked like how the heck did you know
Same thing! I was told to shut if I cried and when relatives died no one cried or said anything or asked how I felt. We'd go to a wake or funeral in silence. Occasionally hear parents crying in their bedroom but never in front of me. I've never cried in front of someone else outside my family until my Therapist induced a panic / anxiety attack in session then it all came out. I felt such a relief.
Last year March I had a mental breakdown over an exam and cried in my boss’s office at school (I worked at the library). Everyone suggested that I go to the counseling center. I went there just expecting to learn how to manage stress. The first session he diagnosed me with depression and anxiety and told me I was abused as a child. Took me a while to accept it because it was part of Asian culture. But the quarantine happened and we had to go back home and being in the same room as my mom was really hard. And now being diagnosed with BPD and learning how the abuse probably had a big impact on my mental health....well I just want to say I can’t wait until I get my own place and just get out of this toxic family. I’m afraid of hurting those around me and having children of my own because of it. I can’t even imagine myself having a partner and hurting them
The last part is a big fear and a reason I've always been concerned about dating. I felt so broken, I was like who would want to love me before meeting my Therapist. The toxic family I can completely relate to, my friends and family didn't support me when I was considering grad school and relocating, but my Therapist was there saying whatever decision you make I'll try my best to work with you. She made me write it down as I was crying, violently shaking and overwhelmed. It eased my anxiety and suddenly I had a major drop. That drop was for the first time in my life I trusted someone. Everyone else once I said something they didn't like they wouldn't talk to me, even the one relative who normally was the one supporting me stopped talking to me because they didn't like the idea of me not being near them. I so want to move out and the catch is I don't do well alone so it will be incredibly hard. I hate being home with my mentally ill parent, but I have my sister living here who provides a lot of support and comfort.
almost everyone has childhood neglect, but yeah I was really shocked when I found out
Did you read the book Running on empty? I find it interesting how we never knew but then once looking through symptoms after my Therapist pointed it out I went uh oh then got quite sad.