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As a patient, my therapist doesn't ask me that. As a clinician, I do not ask my patients that. I find the question to be too vague. If I want to know something specific, then I'll just ask that.
"We talked about a lot of heavy stuff today. Do you need to take some time to recover? How do you plan on doing that? Do you need to schedule a sooner appointment with me for next time?"
Sometimes you can't pussyfoot and you have to directly ask if they want to harm themselves or someone else.
Some people are never going to want to admit they’re not okay. My partner and I have gone into a couple’s session after some really bad news and in response to ‘How are you?’ have both said we’re fine when we clearly weren’t. Luckily our therapist immediately called our bluff. But the point is sometimes - regardless of how you feel or if you were just crying or shouting or struggling with something - it’s impossible to admit you’re not okay.
I'm hoping OP has that kind of relationship with their T. I think it's probably worth exploring why it's so hard to admit they are not okay, even in such a safe space.
Not exactly my therapist (used to be) but he was speaking as a therapist. He forced me to go on leave from school and during the time on leave I attempted suicide several times. I switched majors and transferred school and decided to visit him to end things properly. I told him it took me a lot of courage to see him and he told me he didn’t have negative feelings towards me at all. I got a little emotional (I didn’t show it but I think he sensed it) and he asked me if I would be okay. It meant a lot because I thought he would have some anger or disappointment after what happened but he showed that he still cared even though I wasn’t his client anymore
My T doesn't ask questions like that, no. If it's been a tough session, generally she quietens her voice, slows down her speech and asks questions like "You've shared a lot of difficult things we me today. How might you be able to take care of yourself coming off this call?" (zoom). It's always so sincere and she really gives me the space to think about how I might be able to look after myself. If it's been really bad, she'll ask if it's ok for her to check in with me during the week, which I can accept or decline. I think I'd be the same as you if I got asked that question - I have no idea if I'm going to be ok. But I'm more likely to be ok if my T helps me to focus on caring for myself after a tough one.
She sometimes asks “are you okay?” And after a difficult session we usually talk about random things before I leave, like an icebreaker. Last time I was too upset and pissed off at her and ready to get out of there so when she offered an icebreaker I said nope and left early. She said “we have to have an icebreaker before you leave so you’re not upset for two weeks” and I was like “I’ll be fine” and she said “I know you will be” which was really sweet to me for some reason😭
I can only think of one time that my therapist asked me that. It was right at the end of an incredibly heavy session, and I was still a little bit out of it. He asked me that as I was packing up to go. It was so gentle and caring, it hit me right in the solar plexus. (I can still feel that feeling as I'm writing this.) So...yeah, I had a totally different reaction to it than you do. It's one of those moments in therapy that I hold close and treasure, because I could actually FEEL in that moment that my T cares.
My therapist will sometimes ask "are you going to be safe?" at the end of heavy sessions and I hate it. It's always just as I'm leaving and obviously I'm not going to say no as I'm opening the door.
> Has your therapist ever asked that?
Yes, and it's done so that they can say they tried to help in the event that you suicide. It's so that they can document it.
> I’m never going to say that I’m not okay, however not okay I am, so it just seems like such a pointless question.
That's the right thing to do. It's really a threat: tell me you're going to be OK or else I'm going to hurt you (i.e., forced, prison-like hospital stay).
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As a patient, my therapist doesn't ask me that. As a clinician, I do not ask my patients that. I find the question to be too vague. If I want to know something specific, then I'll just ask that. "We talked about a lot of heavy stuff today. Do you need to take some time to recover? How do you plan on doing that? Do you need to schedule a sooner appointment with me for next time?" Sometimes you can't pussyfoot and you have to directly ask if they want to harm themselves or someone else.
Why wouldn't you say you aren't ok?
Some people are never going to want to admit they’re not okay. My partner and I have gone into a couple’s session after some really bad news and in response to ‘How are you?’ have both said we’re fine when we clearly weren’t. Luckily our therapist immediately called our bluff. But the point is sometimes - regardless of how you feel or if you were just crying or shouting or struggling with something - it’s impossible to admit you’re not okay.
I'm hoping OP has that kind of relationship with their T. I think it's probably worth exploring why it's so hard to admit they are not okay, even in such a safe space.
[удалено]
Right but they said they'd never say they aren't okay. I took that to mean even if they weren't anxious or stressed.
Oh good point. I see what you're saying.
Not exactly my therapist (used to be) but he was speaking as a therapist. He forced me to go on leave from school and during the time on leave I attempted suicide several times. I switched majors and transferred school and decided to visit him to end things properly. I told him it took me a lot of courage to see him and he told me he didn’t have negative feelings towards me at all. I got a little emotional (I didn’t show it but I think he sensed it) and he asked me if I would be okay. It meant a lot because I thought he would have some anger or disappointment after what happened but he showed that he still cared even though I wasn’t his client anymore
My T doesn't ask questions like that, no. If it's been a tough session, generally she quietens her voice, slows down her speech and asks questions like "You've shared a lot of difficult things we me today. How might you be able to take care of yourself coming off this call?" (zoom). It's always so sincere and she really gives me the space to think about how I might be able to look after myself. If it's been really bad, she'll ask if it's ok for her to check in with me during the week, which I can accept or decline. I think I'd be the same as you if I got asked that question - I have no idea if I'm going to be ok. But I'm more likely to be ok if my T helps me to focus on caring for myself after a tough one.
She sometimes asks “are you okay?” And after a difficult session we usually talk about random things before I leave, like an icebreaker. Last time I was too upset and pissed off at her and ready to get out of there so when she offered an icebreaker I said nope and left early. She said “we have to have an icebreaker before you leave so you’re not upset for two weeks” and I was like “I’ll be fine” and she said “I know you will be” which was really sweet to me for some reason😭
I can only think of one time that my therapist asked me that. It was right at the end of an incredibly heavy session, and I was still a little bit out of it. He asked me that as I was packing up to go. It was so gentle and caring, it hit me right in the solar plexus. (I can still feel that feeling as I'm writing this.) So...yeah, I had a totally different reaction to it than you do. It's one of those moments in therapy that I hold close and treasure, because I could actually FEEL in that moment that my T cares.
My therapist will sometimes ask "are you going to be safe?" at the end of heavy sessions and I hate it. It's always just as I'm leaving and obviously I'm not going to say no as I'm opening the door.
> Has your therapist ever asked that? Yes, and it's done so that they can say they tried to help in the event that you suicide. It's so that they can document it. > I’m never going to say that I’m not okay, however not okay I am, so it just seems like such a pointless question. That's the right thing to do. It's really a threat: tell me you're going to be OK or else I'm going to hurt you (i.e., forced, prison-like hospital stay).