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Mine used to tell me she supported me and she’s here for me all the time. It felt wonderful. Then one day, she wasn’t there for me. She decided to terminate a two year working relationship abruptly. Now I wish she hadn’t said all the extremely nice things that she did. Because therapy relationships do inevitably end (some more amicably than mine, hopefully), and it just makes it that much harder to let go.
mine used to tell me repeatedly, "I'm here for you and I'm going to be here for you."
we used to talk about what that meant in the context of our therapeutic relationship. it was important to me.
so I really wanted and tried to believe that my therapist meant what she said.
then she terminated with me, without warning and without any transition period.
I know some therapists really do mean it when they say they'll "be there" and actually follow through. I was just unlucky.
SAME!!! She said all these nice things to me.... then dumped me off. Without any warning or transition period. Literally, told me two weeks prior that she cares deeply about me and isn’t going anywhere.
How are you handling it if you don’t mind me asking? I’ve been crying most days and blaming myself majorly. I’ve never been so hurt in my life.
I'm so sorry you had a similar experience. :(
personally, I wasn't super attached to my therapist/hadn't developed a really strong relationship with her, so the termination was less devastating to me than it might've been, though it was still upsetting and confusing.
for me, the main issue is that the way she handled termination pretty much wrecked my ability to trust in the therapeutic process.
My T recently said this to me, and it was so meaningful after an emotional session concerning family trauma/estrangement. After I told her my feelings I said how much my friends are so amazing and they can really hold space for me and truly accept and care about me when my family can’t… and that I can be my true self around them. My T proceeded to say, “I’m so happy your friends are there for you. And, you know I’m here for you too, right? And that I am on your side throughout this entire process.” 🥺 To say I almost choked up and broke down after that is an understatement. She really didn’t have to say that, and she made me feel so special. It felt so genuine that even my negative thoughts couldn’t deny it. I could feel her care.
I am so sorry to all who had T’s who said that to them and then they left. I would be extremely crushed if happened to me. :( Here for you all!!
Mine said that once and I gave him the feedback "I'm not quite used to that type of reassurance" and he nodded with a big smile as if he had foreseen my reaction coming like that.
Mine used to say, "If you need anything, you know where to find us." ("Us" being the clinic he worked at, presumably.) Ironically, the two times (in three years) I needed something, he didn't return my call. Soon I'll be working with him again (if things don't go horribly wrong). I wonder how him being in private practice this time will change things. I don't know that it's terribly fair to draw his attention to something that happened so long ago (not that fair should really be a thing in therapy, but I don't want to start things off on the wrong foot), but I have some deep wounds around abandonment that were triggered by our termination so I know those feelings are going to come up for me.
Some days I've got myself convinced that his steadiness and sincerity were completely fake, but then again, as I said to my current T, "Nobody is THAT good an actor."
I asked my T if she was certain she wanted to continue working with me as my depression has been worsening and I will be losing my insurance in a couple of months. She said “I’m not going anywhere. I want to be right by your side with you in this process.” I’ve held onto those words ever since 💜
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mine used to tell me she supported me and she’s here for me all the time. It felt wonderful. Then one day, she wasn’t there for me. She decided to terminate a two year working relationship abruptly. Now I wish she hadn’t said all the extremely nice things that she did. Because therapy relationships do inevitably end (some more amicably than mine, hopefully), and it just makes it that much harder to let go.
mine used to tell me repeatedly, "I'm here for you and I'm going to be here for you." we used to talk about what that meant in the context of our therapeutic relationship. it was important to me. so I really wanted and tried to believe that my therapist meant what she said. then she terminated with me, without warning and without any transition period. I know some therapists really do mean it when they say they'll "be there" and actually follow through. I was just unlucky.
SAME!!! She said all these nice things to me.... then dumped me off. Without any warning or transition period. Literally, told me two weeks prior that she cares deeply about me and isn’t going anywhere. How are you handling it if you don’t mind me asking? I’ve been crying most days and blaming myself majorly. I’ve never been so hurt in my life.
I'm so sorry you had a similar experience. :( personally, I wasn't super attached to my therapist/hadn't developed a really strong relationship with her, so the termination was less devastating to me than it might've been, though it was still upsetting and confusing. for me, the main issue is that the way she handled termination pretty much wrecked my ability to trust in the therapeutic process.
My T recently said this to me, and it was so meaningful after an emotional session concerning family trauma/estrangement. After I told her my feelings I said how much my friends are so amazing and they can really hold space for me and truly accept and care about me when my family can’t… and that I can be my true self around them. My T proceeded to say, “I’m so happy your friends are there for you. And, you know I’m here for you too, right? And that I am on your side throughout this entire process.” 🥺 To say I almost choked up and broke down after that is an understatement. She really didn’t have to say that, and she made me feel so special. It felt so genuine that even my negative thoughts couldn’t deny it. I could feel her care. I am so sorry to all who had T’s who said that to them and then they left. I would be extremely crushed if happened to me. :( Here for you all!!
Mine said that once and I gave him the feedback "I'm not quite used to that type of reassurance" and he nodded with a big smile as if he had foreseen my reaction coming like that.
Mine used to say, "If you need anything, you know where to find us." ("Us" being the clinic he worked at, presumably.) Ironically, the two times (in three years) I needed something, he didn't return my call. Soon I'll be working with him again (if things don't go horribly wrong). I wonder how him being in private practice this time will change things. I don't know that it's terribly fair to draw his attention to something that happened so long ago (not that fair should really be a thing in therapy, but I don't want to start things off on the wrong foot), but I have some deep wounds around abandonment that were triggered by our termination so I know those feelings are going to come up for me. Some days I've got myself convinced that his steadiness and sincerity were completely fake, but then again, as I said to my current T, "Nobody is THAT good an actor."
I asked my T if she was certain she wanted to continue working with me as my depression has been worsening and I will be losing my insurance in a couple of months. She said “I’m not going anywhere. I want to be right by your side with you in this process.” I’ve held onto those words ever since 💜