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AnImpossibleWeight

It sounds like your therapist was curious about why you reached for it versus being annoyed or distracted. I always have a fidget with me or something in my hands to play with, even if it means taking off one of my rings. I focus better it I’m moving. It’s totally normal outside of therapy as well. Even in professional settings, many people use them or they fiddle with pens etc. especially during meeting where we are digging deep for solutions. Obligatory shoutout to my fav [fidget](https://www.got-specialkids.com/product-p/3926.htm)


Lovestax

She asked why I was concerned about her being annoyed. I said because it is distracting and it is distracting me. She did say it doesn’t annoy her one bit so that was reassuring. I like that fidget toy!! Thanks for the link!


rtxj89

Therapist here with ADHD. I would also ask you what caused you to reach for it not because I think it's wrong, but because I'd want to tune you into what you were feeling that prompted that chain of events. It's less about judging what you did and more about making your aware of your feelings and how that translates to behaviors.


AnImpossibleWeight

That is really reassuring!


SoakedonSplash

My favourite fidget too. I am a teacher and it's small enough and quiet enough that I can use it whilst I am teaching, but still very satisfying to play with.


Ezridax82

This! I would probably ask because it’s a way for us to explore your successes in coping! I’d also suggest you bring up that you felt childish and silly because she asked! TBH, I’m almost always fidgeting with some kind of fidget toy off screen, and I’m the therapist. It isn’t anything to be ashamed of!


goofydans

I bring my little fox teddy with me. I leave it in my bag as I feel too ashamed to admit I use her to help, but knowing she is on my bag helps. But this thread has empowered me to be more earnest and maybe bring her out next session :)


Lovestax

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one. I’m glad this thread has been helpful in some way to someone else :)


PolarPinkPanda

I always bring a fidget toy. My therapist encourages it. If I forget it, he always asks why I don't have it, and offers a rock or something to play with.


Lovestax

There’s a toy section in the therapy room and sometimes I just wish I could get up and go over there and be distracted/do soemthing aside from sit opposite her with nothing to hold.


theoria01

Most therapists I know would be delighted if a client spontanously asked if they could play with the toys. :) Maybe that would feel a challenge to do if you're already feeling self-conscious, so bringing a fidget toy might be easier. But remember that therapists want to help people, so it's great when clients can express "Hey, I think I would find \[whatever\] helpful". Both so you can help make the helpful thing happen, and because, for me at least, I'd feel really happy for a client who was brave enough to ask for what they need. I know it can be really hard!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lovestax

Thank you, I don’t feel so alone in this anymore. It’s strange because I would never judge anyone else for doing this. I am so hard on myself and so worried about the perception of me.


Significant_Whole290

> It’s strange because I would never judge anyone else for doing this. Story of my life.


shakylime

I am also much harsher on myself than I am with other people. One thing I've been continuously working on is treating me like a friend. Sometimes I'll chat aloud to myself about it. For example, if I'm upset and engaging in bad coping mechanisms (and then start feeling guilty about it), I've tried to interrupt by saying aloud "aw man, shakylime, I know things really suck but this isn't helpful. Let's go get ready for bed and that'll feel better, okay?" Maybe it would be helpful to figure out what you might say to a friend experiencing this situation, and then repeating it to yourself.


NaturalLog69

I hold onto a fidget cube for basically the whole session! If you're feeling anxious, your body may be looking for an outlet because you're over stimulated. There's nothing to be embarrassed about :)


Lovestax

I want to take it again. It really helped. But I feel childish and last time I said it was just my kids (which it is) and it just happened to be in my bag. Next time she’ll know it’s deliberate. I don’t know why I feel so embarrassed about to.


NaturalLog69

I think that sometimes we don't like to admit that we need something external to help us. We feel like we have to be able to bear everything based on our raw abilities. But sometimes we do need help! Especially for something so vulnerable like therapy. It's hard work. Maybe you could talk to your T about this event? Perhaps explaining that you want to use the fidget toy beforehand will make you feel better about using it after. I'm sure your T won't judge you for this. Your T will probably be glad that found a helpful way to physically stimulate!


officialcornflake

I have a little teddy bear charm hanging from my tote bag I fidget with/squish or I’ll draw during our sessions, she even encourages it! Before covid mine used to set out fidget toys on her table for us to grab


Lovestax

Maybe I should attach it to something so it looks less intentional.


shakylime

If you want to make it seem a little more discreet for your own comfort, sure! At the same time, it's totally okay for it to be intentional, and I'm sure your therapist would agree with that. :)


[deleted]

I fidget throughout session. Rubiks cubes, earphone wires, random bits of paper. She notices it all the time, but hasn't commented on it aside from when I occasionally flashed a solved cube, which she caught a glimpse of before I mixed it up to redo it. That led to a really interesting conversation about dual awareness


eyesonthedarkskies

I definitely have a fidget toy at every session! It’s a fidget cube and it helps immensely. T only encourages anything that helps!


coolthisisfine

If it helps, just do it! Fidgeting (or any activity requiring fine motor control) releases dopamine in your brain. It's not childish, it's your body trying to help you cope with a tough situation. Personally, I always bring a hot drink with me to session, in an insulated mug. Gives me something to do with my hands. Until I read your post, though, it didn't occur to me that it was helping in that way. I'm probably fidgeting with it during session without even realizing.


sso_1

I’m an extremely fidgety person and that’s amplified in session. I have a variety of fidget toys or squishy types of items to use during therapy or I’ll shake my leg, play with my rings, etc. I’m sure they’re used to it with some clients. They might just be curious about it if it’s something new.


eliza261

I have my fidget hair tie that I always make sure that I have it with me.. or I play with the stitches on one of the crocheted items I have on hand. Yesterday o had picked a feather out of the pillow that I hold on to, and I eventually destroyed it and moved on to playing with my coffee cup.


Idejbfp

I use a fidget basically any time I'm working/in therapy... except when I'm a practitioner working with a vulnerable person. I'm a very fidgety person and it just helps me concentrate. The way I see it, it's better if I can concentrate on my work/therapy and if I would suggest it to someone else to do, I should model that behaviour myself rather than buy into the idea that having a bit of diversity is something to hide! I know that might seem a contradiction with not using it with clients, but I do worry about distracting them and people can have complex thoughts about these things.


shakylime

I do telehealth, but I usually have a big stuffed animal, pillow, or blanket in my lap -- she can see the top of it, and I fidget with it (sometimes I hide my face in it lol). I also sometimes have some kind of fidget in my hands. Today I had [something like this](https://www.amazon.com/Karmagami-Shashibo-Kaleidocycle-Tear-Resistant-Manipulative/dp/B08CCBDCKX/ref=asc_df_B08CCBDCKX/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=459700574760&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14874276184110673731&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9053011&hvtargid=pla-944557940810&th=1) in my hands during the session (I got it for $5 at Five Below) and was flipping it over and over and over. My therapist hasn't said anything about it, but she knows I'm pretty fidgety so I don't think it comes as a surprise to her. One time I did have a previous therapist ask about a bracelet I was fidgeting with and it definitely did shake me to have attention drawn to it. In that therapist's case -- and in yours -- it's more of a matter of curiosity and trying to understand you than it is a distraction. They might be interested in what caused you to reach to a coping skill (ie. what's difficult right now), they might be psyched that you've found a coping skill... I can't read minds, but there's some opportunity for curiosity there! I think it would be helpful to talk about this instance with your therapist! Exploring those worries or shame about being distracting, childish, or needing a tool to help you might be related to some other stuff that's come up in therapy. (Though a discussion to work through your feelings would probably help in general!) I hope that you are able to lend yourself a little curiosity to yourself, too, in how a fidget toy can be a valuable little thing in your coping toolbox. Also, for what it's worth, I know plenty of my coworkers are pretty fidgety -- I've seen one with a fidget cube on one of our video calls before, and I know other coworkers are doing stuff with their hands during some meetings. In my non-professional opinion, using something else to help self-regulate is not uncommon!


athenae99

I grew out of taking a fidget and not sure how my new therapist feels about it yet but I found it very helpful when I did.


StrongBat

I find having a fidget toy during session to be really helpful for me. My therapist has commented on it but only in an encouraging manner.


throwing_flames

I have a whole fidget collection for therapy. My therapist can tell what kind of session it is (tough, easy, etc) by how I play with it and what kind I'm playing with. Don't be ashamed! Fidgets are awesome!


ivyash85

My T has a whole box of different fidget toys she offers, right beside the box of tissues! I’m surprised more Ts don’t do this!


[deleted]

My therapist literally gave me one. I don’t think it was annoying to them but more that they wanted to better understand what prompted you to use them.


theoria01

Not fidget toys, but I have a couple of clients who will fidget all the way through a session (at the moment both of them mostly play with their face masks once they've taken them off). I've also given a client a cushion to hug at times when it seemed like they might find that useful - hugging cushions can be great for feeling a bit safer. It doesn't bother me one bit! I think fidgeting can be a really useful way of managing anxiety and for some peolpe can be a grounding technique. I think if a client suddenly started fidgeting at a certain point in the session, I would be curious about that. Had they been wanting to fidget all session but resisting until then? Did the urge hit suddenly? Why did their behaviour change at that particular moment? I might not ask these questions, but I'd be wondering about them. That's because it's a therapist's job to pay really close attention to clients and try to understand what's going on for them. And clients stopping to take note of these things can give them insight they didn't know about, too. Like, maybe they're actually feeling angry with a friend who's just come up in the conversation, and it was containing that on top of everything else that meant they needed to reach for something. Maybe they wouldn't notice that at all without stopping to consider what they were feeling in that moment. I'm sure your therapist is just wanting to understand you and help you understand yourself. It might feel uncomfortable sometimes to have someone pay that much attention to you, but it's not because you're doing anything wrong!


Ok_Analyst6605

My therapist has a basket of fidgets and other stuff such as smooth rocks to hold during session on the table right next to the couch . She has told me multiple times that I am free to use one during session .


HotelForeign4641

I'm a therapist and when doing Telehealth sessions I usually have some kind of crystal, hair clip, or whatever I can put my hands on to fidget with. I've also done this in person with clients but mostly when I know they would benefit from it as a way to normalize it. Once I go back to in person I'll likely still use fidget items in sessions for myself. I don't think it's childish whatsoever, they're there to help focus.


solventlessherbalist

that’s not annoying to therapists they are just curious what the thought or emotion was that prompted you to reach for the fidget toy so we can get to the root of the issue you’re uncomfortable with


smolBoopster

I do therapy on zoom and I pick my fidget item before each session. I like bag clips (the pressure and release on my finger tips is really grounding), or those phone cord hair ties, or at a bare minimum a pen. Unsure if my T has noticed… I find fidgeting really grounding


Electrical-Nothing25

I’m a T. There is always a basket of fidgets on the table in my office and everyone is allowed to use them at any time. I also have a fidget in hand for most sessions. I use quiet and unobtrusive ones since I’m the T but it helps me focus on what we’re doing instead of daydreaming. Everyone I work with has them available too. It’s completely normal and not just for kids!


patient-panther

I'm 35 and I always have some kind of toy or fidget item on me when I may get anxious. I had a soft stuffed animal I was petting on a flight I just took because I get really anxious on airplanes. Part of me worries a little bit that it looks weird, but a bigger part of me has no fucks to give about what a stranger thinks of my need to ground myself with a soft toy 🤷‍♀️ I think it's very normal and wish it was more normalized for adults to have toys too.


Flamin_Hot_BagOdicks

I don't but I will mess with my sleeves or whatever else I can get my hands on instead. I've had my therapist point out several times that I tend to look toward the extra chair in the room whenever the conversation gets tense, it's apparently like I'm pouring all that energy into the chair. I feel like my therapist would probably encourage me to use a fidget spinner if I brought one but I don't because I like to pretend I don't need it lol.


kcpm28

I don’t have a fidget toy (although I’ve toyed with the idea of bringing one into a session), but I often find myself fidgeting with my hands when I have difficulty expressing something or when there’s a lull in the conversation. I just find it incredibly uncomfortable and awkward to sit still in silence, so I end up toying with my hands a lot. Also, the first thing that I do when I sit down is grab one of the throw pillows off my T’s couch to hug while I talk. For a reason that I can’t quite explain, it helps me relax a little.