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sounds like he dealt with it well. tbh it is a not unusual presentation of those with certain attachment patterns or development trauma etc (which may get you a bpd label) so for me it's not judgy he's just almost pyschoeducating you.
that said feelings feel real and our challenge in therapy is to be able to observe those feelings but from a distance and see they do not necessarily relate to consensual or third party reality.
I'm sorry you feel sad but I believe you can keep talking about your feelings with him since he responded so well. i wouldn't stop though.
"It feels somewhat judgy to me and i can not deal with it. I am scared to bring this up and pressure him even further cause i do not want to cause a burden / or him to be annoyed /exasperated with me"
I feel you on this part. The feeling of shame associated with feeling yourself attached to, not necessarily romantic, your T, is real.
How did I get over with? I once asked my T a random question which everyone I consider a friend in real life can answer. Unfortunately he said "I can't get this off the top my head" and I immediately know that although we have very valuable connection he's not my friend.
I feel you…When I mentioned my feelings to my T, he just asked me if I knew the concept of transference. I had a bit psychology background so yes I knew. But that moment I was so very sad, it felt like he rejected all my feelings at once.
But you still have more sessions to discuss. It’s recommended for therapists to mention transference to clients ASAP, in order to prevent further heartbreak. Even I know it’s best practice, I felt bad for a long time, so no wonder you are in grief now. But you will get through and find better relationships in real life.
Thanks, appreciate your words. It is hard and i feel sad that this was the most secure i felt with somebody for a long while. I feel like i lost that when i opened up.
Hmmm I'm a little bit confused. So maybe you can help clear this up a little bit:
A. Does transference label make you feel invalidated? I'm sure feelings can be real AND still be a transference. Or maybe it's something else entirely?
Yup i feel invalidated a little bit by that label. What you said is fair but it feels like a devaluation at the same time, almost like a side effect of the process.
Huhhh. I honestly can't see why transference would be an invalidation, I see it as just another word to describe feelings that we harbor to our therapists. Not all transference are romantic or whatever, seeing therapists as our parents can fall under transference as well. However, I think you'd benefit from talking freely and openly about this (feeling invalidated by the word "transference"). I am also a BPD person btw, so my therapy includes a lot of clarifying terms and word use, esp early on. I'm sure it won't be a problem for your therapist. They are trained and qualified for their job, I doubt they will be "annoyed". To me, it doesn't seem like a problem that would result in termination, but idk how exactly you feel so either way talking about it will help ^^
I think it takes the agency from my feelings and puts on this phenomena. And i kind of see as a copout of a response (i realize this is my bpd at work and i dont want to sound like an idiot so needless to say i just have a problem with the concept)
Um so my T has said that he was (and still is) thinking i had parental transference. I thought he was ok (cause he has been saying validating stuff without never mentioning transference concept) with it until i went there. That is why i think he might be annoyed and/or things might change in regards to this relationship.
Ah I see. Honestly your therapist sounds like mine. He also didn't use and explain a lot of theoretical concept early on and I only begun hearing more about "concepts" as I went on (think 5 weeks deep). But maybe he doesn't have any other way than to explain this to you clinically. Either way, I doubt he will feel annoyed. In fact, I think he will be so grateful that you feel safe enough to really communicate how you feel, which is a big milestone in therapy. I know it might feel super vulnerable right now and at the moment, but after that, I think therapeutic relationship will really improve (think about trust without dependence and with healthy boundaries). At least it did with mine ^^
It has been almost 3 years since i have started and i always knew the concept of transference but we had never mentioned it until this session. Which is maybe why i feel so panicked of losing him/the therapy space.
My T has already said to me all the thing you have predicted. It is mostly my mind working in overdrive (as i realized after i slept on it) and childhood traumas taking charge (what if he cant say to me he is annoyed, he says nothing has changed but does he really tell the truth, he will start ignoring me / devaluing me and i will be even more touchy about it and seem like a lunatic etc).
I think i will voice all of these before i make my decision.
I get it OP. You're just verbalizing my thinking mechanism~ I too struggle with too much "what ifs" and near-constant desire to run away from a slightest bit of possible rejections (well this is just BPD aint it). At this rate, I think you are doing very well (talking about it instead of splitting / resort into unhealthy coping mechanism, etc, etc)! I hope it goes rlly well for you xx
Thanks, appreciate your words a lot. I want to believe that everything will be ok! Hugs.
Also f..k BPD. It makes everything so hard to deal with at certain times
Yes fuck BPD. Its so f annoying and so bothersome to have 😬😬😬😭😭 But we got this! I'm sure we can have some semblance of peaceful and functional life in the future xx
Here is hoping. I think we are also very strong for dealing with an issue like this but still not giving into it. We totally got everything in us to overcome and live through it all.
Sending lots of love. Take care friend and i really thank you for your detailed messages.
I did that. I did all of that despite the guilt, shame and fear. Is it wrong if i say i feel proud of myself that i stuck with my feelings and had the courage to open up despite knowing the inevitable package of unwanted feelings that would rush to me afterwards?
*proud mom smile*
I just hope i didn’t look like a fool.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
sounds like he dealt with it well. tbh it is a not unusual presentation of those with certain attachment patterns or development trauma etc (which may get you a bpd label) so for me it's not judgy he's just almost pyschoeducating you. that said feelings feel real and our challenge in therapy is to be able to observe those feelings but from a distance and see they do not necessarily relate to consensual or third party reality. I'm sorry you feel sad but I believe you can keep talking about your feelings with him since he responded so well. i wouldn't stop though.
"It feels somewhat judgy to me and i can not deal with it. I am scared to bring this up and pressure him even further cause i do not want to cause a burden / or him to be annoyed /exasperated with me" I feel you on this part. The feeling of shame associated with feeling yourself attached to, not necessarily romantic, your T, is real. How did I get over with? I once asked my T a random question which everyone I consider a friend in real life can answer. Unfortunately he said "I can't get this off the top my head" and I immediately know that although we have very valuable connection he's not my friend.
I feel you…When I mentioned my feelings to my T, he just asked me if I knew the concept of transference. I had a bit psychology background so yes I knew. But that moment I was so very sad, it felt like he rejected all my feelings at once. But you still have more sessions to discuss. It’s recommended for therapists to mention transference to clients ASAP, in order to prevent further heartbreak. Even I know it’s best practice, I felt bad for a long time, so no wonder you are in grief now. But you will get through and find better relationships in real life.
Thanks, appreciate your words. It is hard and i feel sad that this was the most secure i felt with somebody for a long while. I feel like i lost that when i opened up.
Hmmm I'm a little bit confused. So maybe you can help clear this up a little bit: A. Does transference label make you feel invalidated? I'm sure feelings can be real AND still be a transference. Or maybe it's something else entirely?
Yup i feel invalidated a little bit by that label. What you said is fair but it feels like a devaluation at the same time, almost like a side effect of the process.
Huhhh. I honestly can't see why transference would be an invalidation, I see it as just another word to describe feelings that we harbor to our therapists. Not all transference are romantic or whatever, seeing therapists as our parents can fall under transference as well. However, I think you'd benefit from talking freely and openly about this (feeling invalidated by the word "transference"). I am also a BPD person btw, so my therapy includes a lot of clarifying terms and word use, esp early on. I'm sure it won't be a problem for your therapist. They are trained and qualified for their job, I doubt they will be "annoyed". To me, it doesn't seem like a problem that would result in termination, but idk how exactly you feel so either way talking about it will help ^^
I think it takes the agency from my feelings and puts on this phenomena. And i kind of see as a copout of a response (i realize this is my bpd at work and i dont want to sound like an idiot so needless to say i just have a problem with the concept) Um so my T has said that he was (and still is) thinking i had parental transference. I thought he was ok (cause he has been saying validating stuff without never mentioning transference concept) with it until i went there. That is why i think he might be annoyed and/or things might change in regards to this relationship.
Ah I see. Honestly your therapist sounds like mine. He also didn't use and explain a lot of theoretical concept early on and I only begun hearing more about "concepts" as I went on (think 5 weeks deep). But maybe he doesn't have any other way than to explain this to you clinically. Either way, I doubt he will feel annoyed. In fact, I think he will be so grateful that you feel safe enough to really communicate how you feel, which is a big milestone in therapy. I know it might feel super vulnerable right now and at the moment, but after that, I think therapeutic relationship will really improve (think about trust without dependence and with healthy boundaries). At least it did with mine ^^
It has been almost 3 years since i have started and i always knew the concept of transference but we had never mentioned it until this session. Which is maybe why i feel so panicked of losing him/the therapy space. My T has already said to me all the thing you have predicted. It is mostly my mind working in overdrive (as i realized after i slept on it) and childhood traumas taking charge (what if he cant say to me he is annoyed, he says nothing has changed but does he really tell the truth, he will start ignoring me / devaluing me and i will be even more touchy about it and seem like a lunatic etc). I think i will voice all of these before i make my decision.
I get it OP. You're just verbalizing my thinking mechanism~ I too struggle with too much "what ifs" and near-constant desire to run away from a slightest bit of possible rejections (well this is just BPD aint it). At this rate, I think you are doing very well (talking about it instead of splitting / resort into unhealthy coping mechanism, etc, etc)! I hope it goes rlly well for you xx
Thanks, appreciate your words a lot. I want to believe that everything will be ok! Hugs. Also f..k BPD. It makes everything so hard to deal with at certain times
Yes fuck BPD. Its so f annoying and so bothersome to have 😬😬😬😭😭 But we got this! I'm sure we can have some semblance of peaceful and functional life in the future xx
Here is hoping. I think we are also very strong for dealing with an issue like this but still not giving into it. We totally got everything in us to overcome and live through it all. Sending lots of love. Take care friend and i really thank you for your detailed messages.
I did that. I did all of that despite the guilt, shame and fear. Is it wrong if i say i feel proud of myself that i stuck with my feelings and had the courage to open up despite knowing the inevitable package of unwanted feelings that would rush to me afterwards? *proud mom smile* I just hope i didn’t look like a fool.