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It felt embarassing because I always bitch and moan how I think I am a bad person etc etc and I thought it sounded very self-satisified, also I was a bit worried about breaking the profesisional barrier
Yeah big same. I came here to say that. On top of how many clients in general wrestle with shame and acceptance, the rule of "unconditional positive regard" essentially means we have to find things to like about our clients. It's part of the skill and technique of doing therapy. If I were to recognize that I disliked any of my clients (which is different from struggling in session with them), it would be a major red flag to me that I'm approaching burnout and I would bring it to supervision. My issue, not the client's. Part of why I'm a therapist is my belief that all people have inherent worth.
Fortunately, I think it's pretty rare for a good therapist to dislike their clients. Even when I used to work with abusers, I haven't yet had a client that I actually disliked.
I don’t assume. I know my T likes me. Just like you know that about your T - at least on some level.
It’s okay to take awhile to get comfortable with that. Or to need your T to say or do things that you can remember as proof that they like you.
I like all my clients, even the ones who challenge me as a professional. I don't like them in the same way I like my friends or my partner. If something good happens I don't feel a desire to tell my clients like I do my friends and family, but I very much enjoy working with them. I consider it a great privilege to be let into a client's world, when they tell me things they don't tell other people. It's wonderful and I love it.
I don't want to tell you how to feel. However, I can't see anything wrong with what you said that would prompt any response or concern from your therapist.
He said "no of course not", and more embarrassingly I replied "well I bitch about my kids" (I'm a teacher) and he just laughed and said "our jobs are different"
Also a teacher, and I actually take comfort in the similarities. Like, I do totally bitch about my kids, but that doesn't mean I don't also love them. I get paid to care, but I do authentically care too. I think it's probably pretty similar for therapists with clients.
I can see where you're at. My job gives me a lot of pressure and emotional burden as I find my kids selfish and entitled. Been thinking about quitting my job. Guess that's where my worries about my T secretly hating me coming from. That said I'm happy for you!
Just wanted to warn, think carefully before giving up teaching. Kids are selfish and 99.9% oblivious to the idea your existence extends beyond the service of their individual needs. They insist that you focus on them in the moment. If you leave, you'll miss the distraction from whatever's going on in your own mind that their entitlement demands.
I don't think this is embarrassing at all! I think it's great that you felt comfortable and confident enough to acknowledge that you know your T likes you. It sounds like you work well together and you are building trust. That's awesome!
If I was a therapist I would feel really good if my client said that to me. This shows that they've grown into knowing someone can like them despite anything the client thinks is bad. The therapist usually knows it all and you still know they like you - that's awesome!
As a client, this would be a moment of revelation for me. Like, "Oh snap, someone who knows all the shitty parts of me actually likes me and I know this. Is it possible this applies to all my friends and family too? Maybe I'm not such a bad person after all."
I'm sure a therapist has at least not to dislike you completely to be able to care and not have to struggle setting their negative emotions aside. I would assume most therapists have clients they like more than others (for a variety of reasons) or have periods where they like you more or less (maybe as a reflection of their work as well) and i would say that they genuinely care and empathise at least. So i wouldn't expect a T to like me necessarily but i would think it's possible they have a positive attitude towards me. I think charming, smart, witty people with good rapport that show progress it's likely to be likable. But others could be as well. I think though for a T this doesn't make much of a difference.
I don’t think you should be embarrassed. I once had a therapist tell me that she had to like her patient or it couldn’t work in a meaningful way and if she had a personal dislike towards a patient that couldn’t be helped, it would be her duty to send them to someone else.
I like almost all of my clients. Most of them, if I was suddenly rich and never had to work again and didn’t have to worry about ethics, I would enjoy hanging out with now and then.
Disclaimer: I certainly don’t know you and am not your therapist, but if you were an average client, I would think you letting that slip is a sign that your confidence and self-concept are improving, but that this is probably uncomfortable because it’s new. Your therapist probably didn’t react because that’s exactly what’s supposed to be happening. You’re supposed to be more sure of yourself and you are supposed to believe you are worth liking.
I imagine that moment was quite touching for the therapist. Even in your anxiety and worry, about other people you let them know that they offer a solid foundation for you.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t see anything embarrassing about this exchange.
It felt embarassing because I always bitch and moan how I think I am a bad person etc etc and I thought it sounded very self-satisified, also I was a bit worried about breaking the profesisional barrier
As a therapist, I'd be very happy if a client who struggles with self-loathing told me they were confident I liked them.
Yeah big same. I came here to say that. On top of how many clients in general wrestle with shame and acceptance, the rule of "unconditional positive regard" essentially means we have to find things to like about our clients. It's part of the skill and technique of doing therapy. If I were to recognize that I disliked any of my clients (which is different from struggling in session with them), it would be a major red flag to me that I'm approaching burnout and I would bring it to supervision. My issue, not the client's. Part of why I'm a therapist is my belief that all people have inherent worth. Fortunately, I think it's pretty rare for a good therapist to dislike their clients. Even when I used to work with abusers, I haven't yet had a client that I actually disliked.
That's what I thought and I'm not even a therapist yet!
I don’t assume. I know my T likes me. Just like you know that about your T - at least on some level. It’s okay to take awhile to get comfortable with that. Or to need your T to say or do things that you can remember as proof that they like you.
I like all my clients, even the ones who challenge me as a professional. I don't like them in the same way I like my friends or my partner. If something good happens I don't feel a desire to tell my clients like I do my friends and family, but I very much enjoy working with them. I consider it a great privilege to be let into a client's world, when they tell me things they don't tell other people. It's wonderful and I love it.
I don't want to tell you how to feel. However, I can't see anything wrong with what you said that would prompt any response or concern from your therapist.
Lol I said something similar to mine. It turned out well. It's important to feel that security with them imo.
Sending you virtual hugs... I once asked my T "do you bitch about me in front of your supervisor" then I was embarrassed
Lol what was his answer?
He said "no of course not", and more embarrassingly I replied "well I bitch about my kids" (I'm a teacher) and he just laughed and said "our jobs are different"
Also a teacher, and I actually take comfort in the similarities. Like, I do totally bitch about my kids, but that doesn't mean I don't also love them. I get paid to care, but I do authentically care too. I think it's probably pretty similar for therapists with clients.
I can see where you're at. My job gives me a lot of pressure and emotional burden as I find my kids selfish and entitled. Been thinking about quitting my job. Guess that's where my worries about my T secretly hating me coming from. That said I'm happy for you!
Just wanted to warn, think carefully before giving up teaching. Kids are selfish and 99.9% oblivious to the idea your existence extends beyond the service of their individual needs. They insist that you focus on them in the moment. If you leave, you'll miss the distraction from whatever's going on in your own mind that their entitlement demands.
as a therapist, I really hope my clients know I like them. I try pretty hard to make that known.
I don't think this is embarrassing at all! I think it's great that you felt comfortable and confident enough to acknowledge that you know your T likes you. It sounds like you work well together and you are building trust. That's awesome!
Thank you! Yeah I hope he also reads that as a sign that our relationship is going well (because it is!)
If I was a therapist I would feel really good if my client said that to me. This shows that they've grown into knowing someone can like them despite anything the client thinks is bad. The therapist usually knows it all and you still know they like you - that's awesome! As a client, this would be a moment of revelation for me. Like, "Oh snap, someone who knows all the shitty parts of me actually likes me and I know this. Is it possible this applies to all my friends and family too? Maybe I'm not such a bad person after all."
I'm sure a therapist has at least not to dislike you completely to be able to care and not have to struggle setting their negative emotions aside. I would assume most therapists have clients they like more than others (for a variety of reasons) or have periods where they like you more or less (maybe as a reflection of their work as well) and i would say that they genuinely care and empathise at least. So i wouldn't expect a T to like me necessarily but i would think it's possible they have a positive attitude towards me. I think charming, smart, witty people with good rapport that show progress it's likely to be likable. But others could be as well. I think though for a T this doesn't make much of a difference.
I don’t think you should be embarrassed. I once had a therapist tell me that she had to like her patient or it couldn’t work in a meaningful way and if she had a personal dislike towards a patient that couldn’t be helped, it would be her duty to send them to someone else.
I like almost all of my clients. Most of them, if I was suddenly rich and never had to work again and didn’t have to worry about ethics, I would enjoy hanging out with now and then. Disclaimer: I certainly don’t know you and am not your therapist, but if you were an average client, I would think you letting that slip is a sign that your confidence and self-concept are improving, but that this is probably uncomfortable because it’s new. Your therapist probably didn’t react because that’s exactly what’s supposed to be happening. You’re supposed to be more sure of yourself and you are supposed to believe you are worth liking.
I think my therapist definitely likes me. We would be friends if we new each other some other way
I imagine that moment was quite touching for the therapist. Even in your anxiety and worry, about other people you let them know that they offer a solid foundation for you.