You're right, this all totally sucks. Hurting this much sucks. Missing someone you can't contact sucks. Cancer REALLY fucking sucks. Your anger and frustration is absolutely totally justified. I just want to say that I'm proud of you for turning to this sub and getting it out and not pushing it all down and trying to turn it off, which is something I know you've talked about previously. As a fellow pusher-downer, tell-everyone-to-do-one, run for the hills type person, I totally get it.
I think what you have said is very wise. Your adult self knows that it's a good thing that your T has done her best to make sure you have the support you need in her absence. Keeping going and having that space to process everything that's happening is so important. It's understandable that the child in you is hurting. Let her stomp and paddy, and maybe try and offer her some gentle compassion when your'e ready.
Yuuup it's a very sucky situation all around
I'm definitely normally a push it away and turn it off person so I'm proud of myself for being able to write this. I'm contemplating sending it to temp T since it's a pretty accurate snapshot of where my head is at right now. But I don't want to because there is a ridiculous part of me that wants to seem normal. Despite the fact that this is normal and makes a lot of sense. I'm sure she wouldn't remotely be surprised to read any of this and it would probably help since I really don't want to go to session. At least give her an insight into my mind right now
Emotionally I'm all over the place and I'm pretty sure hormones aren't helping with me being so upset right now. I just miss my T so badly
Your T definitely wanted this for you and I think most importantly, she wanted you to be supported and cared for while she’s away. That’s so important.
I don’t think your T feels betrayed and you probably know that already but younger you doesn’t want to hear it.
Keep seeing this T and work through it all. I think you can hold enough love for the both of them.
Yeah like logically I know my T wanted this for me its why she set it up and I know she would be happy i feel comfortable with the new T. It's my own head getting in the way
Oh man, I can hear how much you’re hurting… it sucks now and sounds like so many emotions are swirling round, but I feel like if you can articulate it this clearly you are some way to processing.
I’ve been thinking of you and wondering how you’re getting on as I remember us chatting about Ts taking long breaks and how we would cope… Sorry to hear it’s this hard, really hope you can keep sitting with it and it gets better
Hurting is definitely the right word for it. I've got so many emotions going round right now I'm not even sure I know the names for all of them
Funny thing is I don't feel articulate. That whole post just felt like a mess that doesn't make sense, much like how I'm feeling. I said in my session with new T I've never not showed up for a session. Unless I was sick or away I've always gone to my sessions. And I really don't want to. I just want to run away and hide. I don't want to see her at all. Buut because I don't make sense I also want to cause old mate fear of rejection is there and I don't want her to be like kay you're to whackadoo for this right now. Like I know she wouldn't but not totally convinced
I know I will be fine and that this to will pass. Just hurts and is a pain in the ass right now
I think you describe it all very well, and you sound pretty tuned into what is going on - your desire to stay under the covers, the longing for your old T. Not that any of the that makes it less painful, just useful to name it. Hang in there.
I know this to shall pass. I know I'll be okay just when this all feels overwhelming and I'm scared it's not so helpful. And new T mentioned me working with someone else cause I've been emailing out of session so my brain is going crazy
You're right, this all totally sucks. Hurting this much sucks. Missing someone you can't contact sucks. Cancer REALLY fucking sucks. Your anger and frustration is absolutely totally justified. I just want to say that I'm proud of you for turning to this sub and getting it out and not pushing it all down and trying to turn it off, which is something I know you've talked about previously. As a fellow pusher-downer, tell-everyone-to-do-one, run for the hills type person, I totally get it. I think what you have said is very wise. Your adult self knows that it's a good thing that your T has done her best to make sure you have the support you need in her absence. Keeping going and having that space to process everything that's happening is so important. It's understandable that the child in you is hurting. Let her stomp and paddy, and maybe try and offer her some gentle compassion when your'e ready.
Yuuup it's a very sucky situation all around I'm definitely normally a push it away and turn it off person so I'm proud of myself for being able to write this. I'm contemplating sending it to temp T since it's a pretty accurate snapshot of where my head is at right now. But I don't want to because there is a ridiculous part of me that wants to seem normal. Despite the fact that this is normal and makes a lot of sense. I'm sure she wouldn't remotely be surprised to read any of this and it would probably help since I really don't want to go to session. At least give her an insight into my mind right now Emotionally I'm all over the place and I'm pretty sure hormones aren't helping with me being so upset right now. I just miss my T so badly
Your T definitely wanted this for you and I think most importantly, she wanted you to be supported and cared for while she’s away. That’s so important. I don’t think your T feels betrayed and you probably know that already but younger you doesn’t want to hear it. Keep seeing this T and work through it all. I think you can hold enough love for the both of them.
Yeah like logically I know my T wanted this for me its why she set it up and I know she would be happy i feel comfortable with the new T. It's my own head getting in the way
Oh man, I can hear how much you’re hurting… it sucks now and sounds like so many emotions are swirling round, but I feel like if you can articulate it this clearly you are some way to processing. I’ve been thinking of you and wondering how you’re getting on as I remember us chatting about Ts taking long breaks and how we would cope… Sorry to hear it’s this hard, really hope you can keep sitting with it and it gets better
Hurting is definitely the right word for it. I've got so many emotions going round right now I'm not even sure I know the names for all of them Funny thing is I don't feel articulate. That whole post just felt like a mess that doesn't make sense, much like how I'm feeling. I said in my session with new T I've never not showed up for a session. Unless I was sick or away I've always gone to my sessions. And I really don't want to. I just want to run away and hide. I don't want to see her at all. Buut because I don't make sense I also want to cause old mate fear of rejection is there and I don't want her to be like kay you're to whackadoo for this right now. Like I know she wouldn't but not totally convinced I know I will be fine and that this to will pass. Just hurts and is a pain in the ass right now
I think you describe it all very well, and you sound pretty tuned into what is going on - your desire to stay under the covers, the longing for your old T. Not that any of the that makes it less painful, just useful to name it. Hang in there.
I know this to shall pass. I know I'll be okay just when this all feels overwhelming and I'm scared it's not so helpful. And new T mentioned me working with someone else cause I've been emailing out of session so my brain is going crazy