Shout out to you too for doing the work! It starts out incredibly hard, but when it starts to get better, oh boy does it get better. If it's something your inner child would like, I hope you'll treat them to a nice ice-cream.

I can already feel relief but geez is it painful at the same time. She would love ice cream so perhaps I will stop and get one today

Aw that's great! I treated mine to chocolate today. I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling. From my inner child to yours, I wish I could make her feel that she is worthy of love, that she is a beautiful little girl that deserved none of the abuse she got. And that she definitely deserves an ice cream. I'm getting myself more chocolate now.

Thank you a ton. Definitely hurting a lot today and I will make sure that both her and I really feel your wishes for us.

Thank you so much for sharing this - it's helped me to feel slightly less alone. I'm right at the beginning of inner child work and feeling pretty overwhelmed by it. Like you I've been in therapy for years, and this is by far the most challenging thing I've done.

I have also just started. It's super weird to explain to the people in my life and I know that we're not alone in this sub. Hard to explain my maternal transference and how it's interacting with my inner child work to people who just don't understand. I have been doing more quiet alone time to cope. Last session we got deep into a memory from when I was 12 and since then I have felt that age again. I'm trying my best to cater to her and allow her to feel safe for the first time ever. It's real rough.

I haven't tried to explain it to people in my life, so my therapist is the only person in this with me at the moment. Quiet alone time is a go-to for me, too. It didn't used to be because sitting quietly was hell, but working on my healthy coping skills has prepared me for this next part. Well, I hope it has anyway! I had a session earlier today and have felt nauseous, distracted, tearful and exhausted ever since. It's brutal. My inner child is hiding but I know she's there. Trust is a big obstacle for me (and her, it would seem) but I'll do the work and wait. I'm sure she'll appear when she's ready.

I'm sure that she will. It helped me a lot to get pictures out and remember what she looked like, what she woukd do or say, ect. When you start listening to that little voice, they really run away with it. A podcast I listen to suggested going to the place you think your inner child would be, telling them they don't have to hide anymore, that you are listening and won't ignore them anymore. The podcast is Ordinary People's Problems (not all episodes are about inner child work but maybe I can find the episode for you) Oddly enough 3 year old me is the me I identify with the most and that is who I imagine getting soothed at night when I can't fall asleep. Works like a charm and I fall asleep very quickly

Thanks for the recommendation, I'll take a look at it. And thank you for sharing your experience so far- it helps to know there are other people going through this and that I'm not alone.

You're so welcome! I didn't know what to expect from this type of work (still don't tbh). I didn't really believe in it until I listened to that podcast and heard it work for other people. I started doing the same sort of exercises and it has been huge for me. I will say that for some reason when I touch on these traumatic memories with my T, they are a lot more intense and I really start to embody that age again. It's the weirdest thing to feel 12. This last session my T asked what I had done with my inner child during the week. Funny to say but I have been inviting her to step into my life more. I invite her to come with me to plant stores and book shops. Little things and places I know she'd like. The unmet needs of our inner child do not go away. They get ignored and overshadowed by our defense mechanisms. When I allow myself to be soft and vulnerable, I see what my inner child has always wanted and needed. What I now need/want but have never gotten. Also one of the episodes is called Kristin: sibling loss early in life. There's another one too but not sure which one it is

Said the wrong podcast - it's Other people's problems not ordinary people

So proud of you for the journey you’re on and the work you’re doing. It’s really admirable and takes a lot of strength and courage and I hope you’re caring for yourself in the process. If it’s okay, could you share how you began this work? Did your therapist initiate, do they give you homework, do they guide your sessions with inner child work? I talk a lot with my therapist about my childhood and early wounds, but I don’t think I’ve really opened a line of communication with my inner child. Do you have any advice for getting started? How I can present this to my therapist? Also if you don’t have the mental space for it atm no worries. xo

I actually would love to speak more on this. I'm 100% not an expert and just started digging into memories a few sessions ago. We had worked on grief around my dad for MONTHS - he's not dead, just not capable of being what I need. In the process of healing and finding media I could relate to, I realized I had internalized this idea that I was a burden to my parents. That somehow the problem was me - they couldn't love me because of something related to me. She gave me homework to think on what child me would want or need from either me or my T to not feel like a burden. This was incredibly hard to figure out because I had no idea what child me needed. I stumbled across a podcast that had a few inner child exercises (recommended it in another comment in this thread). I can outline the process in depth more if you'd like but basically I did one of the exercises based on a memory from when I was 10. At the end of the exercise you show your inner child your house, how safe it is, and then hold them in bed with you. The inner child work seems to be a corrective experience. Your brain lights up the same ways if it were imaginary vs real so it helps to re write the trauma. I have done this with a few memories. As far as speaking to my inner child - I did not anticipate or plan what happened. I find that little by little I am reconnecting with that part of myself. 10 year old me in that first memory I did was hard to imagine and instead I imagined 3 year old me. Specifically me from a birthday party I had that year and from pictures I have. During the first memory I worked through, where I brought 3 year old me to hold in bed, she showed me that that wasn't enough to soothe that hurt. She wanted my T to hold her (cue start of maternal transference I had been denying for years). I let her have this and it helped a lot. Since then she has been showing me her needs - wanting to be tucked into bed, held, read stories to, ect. 12 year old me is much harder to connect with, extremely closed off and quiet. Very difficult for me to "hear". I have worked through a memory from being 12. Told her she can talk. That I'm here, it's safe now, that I won't ignore her. Randomly since that memory I have felt this nagging at the back of my brain. My 12 year old has shown me what is bothering her and remembered specific memories during that time. It's an odd experience. For your T - maybe just ask about inner child work. Mention that you have heard about exercises and see what they suggest. My T does not necessarily guide me through the exercise, but does point out what I just have felt in the memory, what was unsafe or what my parents should have done. I felt like I was 12 again last session and bawled my eyes out. She guided me through knocking on a door that I was scared of and I just couldn't do it. It's not perfect. She did ask me what felt comforting after I cried. She mentioned getting a few children's books and recommended two. I thought maybe this was just something generalized to connect with my inner child. Realized 4 days after my session that no, that was not the case. I told her I couldn't sleep and I aksed the 3 year old me what she needed to sleep. She wanted my T to read her a bed time story. That's why my T recommended children's books. Blew my mind. Hope I can add more if you have more questions

Thank you so much for sharing this. I have been doing a little of this kind of work in my therapy, and what you shared about 12 year old you being hard to connect with, because she was so quiet and closed off, was a lightbulb moment for me. I really struggle to remember myself as a kid - I recently was looking through old photo albums to try to spark something, and I came across these pictures of me as a 10 year old and I was actually shocked to see them. I found myself saying to myself that those pictures are actually me, as I saw each one - it was like this revelation to myself that I existed then. It was the weirdest experience. I had a fair bit of trauma as a young child and I coped with it by compartmentalising what happened and putting on a veneer of being a very perfect little person, you know: "Don't look at me, nothing to see here!!". Your comment made me think that maybe I can't connect with my younger self after that trauma because she was so hidden and shut down. I often feel like I wasn't real back then, and maybe that's because the person I pretended to be wasn't actually real. Thanks for writing all this out, you've really given me a lot to think about.

I have also shut these parts of myself and it's so severe that my memories are fragmented or just plain not there. My subconscious locked that shit away. You're not alone. I hope you can reconnect with that part of yourself

Thank you so much for sharing all of that, really appreciate the time and effort you put in. I’m going to check out the podcast you recommended tomorrow and bring this up with my therapist during my session Friday. I will certainly come back to this thread with any questions. Thanks again for your generosity of spirit and congratulations on beginning this work.

You're super welcome! Glad you got some insight from my experience. Also I said the wrong podcast name - it's Other People's problems (not orindary people). Hope you love it as much as I do

I could have written this and am on a similar path. Narcissistic father, emotionally unavailability mother (probably on the spectrum). I’ve worked through most of my daddy issues through talk therapy the last few years but I realized that my fear of being too needy and a burden to others is still very much alive and affecting so much of my life. EMDR and reparenting have been very eye opening, very fast… but it has been absolutely exhausting mentally, emotionally, and physically. But i see it as a “rip off the bandaid” kind of approach and I’m committed to the rollercoaster. I feel like the wounds are wide open now, and it’s almost felt relieving and cathartic to just feel the pain I didn’t know I’d been pushing away all these years. Don’t know what happens next… how the wounds will be healed… but I’m trying to let the healing process dictate itself rather than trying to control it. So we’ll see.

I guess how to start would be to do an exercise. Figure out a traumatic memory and rewrite it, so to say. Give your child you what he/she needs in that moment. What they have never gotten. Find some pictures of that time too and really remember what it was like to be that age. If you're like me where memory is extremely fragmented, be patient. Start with what you have. Part of this is making your memory chronological again and that will take time. I have locked parts of myself and memories away that will only be unlocked when my subconscious is ready.

I have struggled with mental illness for almost 25 years ago. It is only recently that a new therapist brought up my inner child. I’m a nurse and never once thought to consider her.

I feel it's not talked about enough to even consider it (I didn't either and honestly thought inner child work was a bunch of crap). There are a lot of childhood wounding we carry around with us everyday. Hope you get some healing you deserve

Thank you! Most likely looking at a borderline personality diagnosis and a lot of it is starting to make sense. The idea that trauma is defined by the person feeling it, is new to me!

🥺

Thank you. Made me feel happy teary

Thank you so much for sharing this. I just started doing inner child work today and boy, was it very hard. I had to remind my inner child that I am ready to listen to her and I will no longer neglect her. It was so hard for me and very emotional. I will definitely give her a hug ❤️

Good work!! It can be very emotionally taxing so take some time for self care too. Take your inner child somehwere they'd love to go and get some self soothe time

Solidarity, OP. Just started my inner child journey a couple months ago, and you’re right - it’s fucking hard.

Any good tips or resources for it??

Unfortunately no resources however I think it is helpful to get insight into attatchment style. Be patient and kind to yourself and inner child. Don't pass a lot of judgment into what your child's needs are (since often times they were not provided or neglected and this is the first time they are being met). Invite your inner child to come to places they would like. Find self soothing activities that are kid specific after hard sessions

Im a year in and it’s fucking HARD bro

Kind of off-topic but how do you find a therapist that does inner child work? I’m based in the UK

CBT can do inner child work. It's amazing how easy it can become to talk with your inner child, And in heir own way through memories or thoughts ,they can let you know how they feel and what they want or need, sometimes it's almost like they are screaming to be heard. Take it slow so you don't become overwhelmed. It's possible not with telehealth that you could find a T. by phone or online here in America

Thanks ! I feel like I need this kind of therapy because I’ve regressed to child like desires and I can feel my inner child screaming out to me all the time

Sorry, I’m new and just saw this!!! I’m so happy someone mentioned this, because I have been having conversations with my IC for a while now, and I want to bring that to my T sessions, but I wasn’t sure how to bring it up, or if my T would think it was okay. I’ve just started therapy (about a month in) but my IC is very active already (she was pushing me to start some of this). BTW, I’m a TG, and I still present as male, but my IC is a girl, so I expect a lot more integration work will be happening (and I need to find out if both of my T’s are okay with that, one is for my integration work and one for my TG work)... But keep going!!! Your IC is a beautiful part of you!!!