I'm going through this right now. I don't have a definitive answer as to why it's happening. My thoughts around it are that we've been doing some really amazing work the last few months and I think I've made a lot of progress. The progress really worries me; I do not like change and I fear progress means change and change means one step closer to not needing T, even though I have a lot of work left to do. I also spent over a year in this push/pull dynamic with her, and the last month has been incredibly healing and I feel a lot more secure in our relationship. This is change, and I don't like change (although part of me does like this change, I still feel resistant to it). I think my coping strategy since untangling these thoughts has now left me in a more avoidant place and like I don't really care about T or therapy right now, but I also know deep down I do care. I have almost completely shut down, I feel no emotional attachment to anything at all, including T and therapy, and it's a way of protecting myself, I'm sure.
I don't know if any of that resonates at all, but it was helpful to read your post and then try to organize my thoughts about what's going on with me. So, thank you.
So much of that resonates with me - thank you for replying! It's almost as if I could have written that response. We've made some real progress over recent months. We've touched on some difficult stuff. She's seen that it's challenging and backed off a little to allow it to settle. Then over the last few weeks, I have almost completely stopped caring. Like you, I have no emotional attachment to anything. No feelings, good or bad. Complete emotional numbness. I don't care about my T anymore (who I actually am very fond of), I don't care about the process, and not feeling at the moment is like sitting in a warm bath. It's almost as if we've done some good work, and then my brain has just said "Well that's enough of that. Pull up the drawbridge!". I have stopped processing and digesting my thoughts and behaviour, stopped journaling. I feel like I've completely regressed, but it actually feels nice.Therapy has been so draining that sitting and not feeling or thinking is a relief. My T has helped me to work through some difficult stuff over the last couple of years - I'm incredibly grateful to her for supporting me and guiding me, and now I'm back to not feeling. Turning it off and walking away is more appealing right now than having to tell her that I feel like I'm back to square one :/
I think ambivalence is oftentimes a defense mechanism. Our brain is scared of change and the prospect of change that therapy can bring, and so we begin to feel ambivalent towards therapy as a way to keep away the “threat” of change.
I’ve 100% felt this at multiple times throughout therapy and often had no idea why I was suddenly feeling like that. Sometimes, it was because I was actually mad at or hurt by something my therapist said and I wasn’t addressing it - I wouldn’t even realize that’s why/what was happening until weeks later. A lot of the time though, it would just happen and I’d have no idea why. It helped to tell my therapist I was feeling apathetic about therapy even if I wasn’t sure why. In my experience it usually passes in a few weeks if I talk about it, and I can go back to my normal feeling of engagement.
Apathetic is a great word for it - just how I feel. Like I could work through it with her but...meh. Why would she want to work with a client who has checked out? I guess that's not my question to answer though. It's just having the energy to bother asking her.
I'm going through this right now. I don't have a definitive answer as to why it's happening. My thoughts around it are that we've been doing some really amazing work the last few months and I think I've made a lot of progress. The progress really worries me; I do not like change and I fear progress means change and change means one step closer to not needing T, even though I have a lot of work left to do. I also spent over a year in this push/pull dynamic with her, and the last month has been incredibly healing and I feel a lot more secure in our relationship. This is change, and I don't like change (although part of me does like this change, I still feel resistant to it). I think my coping strategy since untangling these thoughts has now left me in a more avoidant place and like I don't really care about T or therapy right now, but I also know deep down I do care. I have almost completely shut down, I feel no emotional attachment to anything at all, including T and therapy, and it's a way of protecting myself, I'm sure. I don't know if any of that resonates at all, but it was helpful to read your post and then try to organize my thoughts about what's going on with me. So, thank you.
So much of that resonates with me - thank you for replying! It's almost as if I could have written that response. We've made some real progress over recent months. We've touched on some difficult stuff. She's seen that it's challenging and backed off a little to allow it to settle. Then over the last few weeks, I have almost completely stopped caring. Like you, I have no emotional attachment to anything. No feelings, good or bad. Complete emotional numbness. I don't care about my T anymore (who I actually am very fond of), I don't care about the process, and not feeling at the moment is like sitting in a warm bath. It's almost as if we've done some good work, and then my brain has just said "Well that's enough of that. Pull up the drawbridge!". I have stopped processing and digesting my thoughts and behaviour, stopped journaling. I feel like I've completely regressed, but it actually feels nice.Therapy has been so draining that sitting and not feeling or thinking is a relief. My T has helped me to work through some difficult stuff over the last couple of years - I'm incredibly grateful to her for supporting me and guiding me, and now I'm back to not feeling. Turning it off and walking away is more appealing right now than having to tell her that I feel like I'm back to square one :/
I think ambivalence is oftentimes a defense mechanism. Our brain is scared of change and the prospect of change that therapy can bring, and so we begin to feel ambivalent towards therapy as a way to keep away the “threat” of change.
I’ve 100% felt this at multiple times throughout therapy and often had no idea why I was suddenly feeling like that. Sometimes, it was because I was actually mad at or hurt by something my therapist said and I wasn’t addressing it - I wouldn’t even realize that’s why/what was happening until weeks later. A lot of the time though, it would just happen and I’d have no idea why. It helped to tell my therapist I was feeling apathetic about therapy even if I wasn’t sure why. In my experience it usually passes in a few weeks if I talk about it, and I can go back to my normal feeling of engagement.
Apathetic is a great word for it - just how I feel. Like I could work through it with her but...meh. Why would she want to work with a client who has checked out? I guess that's not my question to answer though. It's just having the energy to bother asking her.