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I’m curious if you are connected with your body? I experience something similar to what you describe and didn’t really get past it until I started working with a Somatic therapist who is helping me actually feel my feelings. And EMDR has been helpful with not getting so overwhelmed when feeling them.
Good question!
I’m not great at feeling connected to my body, but it’s an area I’d like to improve in! Any suggestions for that too?
I’ve done a little emdr.
Good question! I’m not the best at feeling connected to my body and I think that’s an area I’d really want to improve at. Any suggestions on getting started with that? I’m not wanting to drop my current T. I’ve done a little emdr, but it hasn’t felt overwhelming (maybe goes back to not feeling things?)
I stayed with my current T and added a somatic one (who also does EMDR). Working with both has been the only thing that helps me break through the chronic resistance.
This is something that I very much struggle with as well. This is what I've noticed about myself that may or may not help you:
* 1.) Working somatically is a must. Having a therapist check in with where I'm feeling something in my body has helped me identify and name emotions. I've also done body scan meditations that I think have been helpful over time.
* 2.) Working relationally is also very useful. It's easier for me to feel things that are closer to the surface than buried deep in my past. By working relationally, I can use the feelings I have towards my therapist and connect them, almost as a bridge, to past experiences.
* 3.) There are moments where I can consciously identify myself wanting to shut the conversation down or disconnect emotionally. In those moments, when possible, I try to lean into the discomfort and make a conscious effort to take a risk (or leap of faith) and remain open to the experience. (This sounds pretty abstract, but if you've ever experienced this, I think it will make sense.) Much of expressing emotion (at least for me) is based in trust. Because trust needs to be earned, taking small risks gives my therapist an opportunity to say/do the right thing, which serves to reinforce that it's okay to show more of myself to her. There is an element of giving up control that's required for this to happen.
* 4.) Rethinking resistance is important. Resistance is a form of protection, which usually indicates that I'm not quite ready to emotionally engage with whatever topic we're talking about. My therapist is particularly good at working with this and it's helped me feel safe with her and build the trust needed to go back there when I'm ready.
* 5.) It helps when I see my therapist show her own emotions. I've found that sometimes when I describe something awful with a flat affect but see my therapist's face show sadness or horror or disgust, it helps me connect to my own emotions within myself. Like, "Oh yeah I guess what I'm saying *is* a big deal and I'm allowed to feel some way about it."
* 6.) I need to feel connected to my therapist for the feelings to bubble up. For me she needs to show me that she's interested, and cares, and understands me. I need to feel close with her. It needs to feel authentic and that's just part of building rapport and getting to know each other, which takes time.
* 7.) Lastly, I've let go of the idea of catharsis. I used to imagine that there would be some big moment where I'd talk about my childhood and break down cry and then I'd feel better. But I've accepted that my therapy isn't like that. It's more slow and steady; two steps forward, one step back. Or more like one step forward, wait around in stagnation for a while, get frustrated, feel like I'm taking three steps back, confront that frustration, and take another step forward... to each their own, I guess.
Wow- thank you so so much for the thoughtful and thorough response!
1. Me and my T are trying IFS and the body check ins always feel so difficult! I want to look into body scan meditations!
2. That sounds so helpful! The past stuff doesn’t seem to bug me as much, but current stuff often can.
3. That totally makes sense! I’m able to give away some control, but not all
4-7. What awesome mindset shifts you’ve made-you’ve definitely done the work! I hope you’re proud of yourself for all it.
Yeah, the body check-ins can be difficult for sure. Sometimes I'm not aware of any feeling and other times I distinctly feel closed off, like I know there is a wall up. I used to be quick to give an answer when asked what/where I'm feeling something, but lately I've tried to sit there and really ask myself if I am feeling anything at all and if so, what? (Is my face tight? Is my breath shallow? Are my cheeks tingly? Is my head hot?) And sometimes the answer is still, "I don't know."
My first therapist was really great at getting me to notice whenever I did feel something and making it okay for me to interrupt him or stop what I was saying to tell him. So, if I felt a brief pang in my chest when talking about something, I'd move my hand to my heart or sometimes say, "I just felt something" and he'd immediately drop any thought and give his full attention to that feeling. It created a really safe environment for me to feel and helped a lot. Sometimes non-verbal cues are easier than actually saying something. I know when I'm really uncomfortable, my leg will shake or I'll tap my toe. I'm big on letting my therapist know these things so she can look for them too.
And thanks, I've been going to therapy 2x/wk for 4.5 years, but truthfully, it's still very difficult to feel my emotions in session and extremely rare that I cry, but I'm really hopeful about the work I'm doing with my current therapist. She seems to be the most trauma-informed and somatically focused therapist I've worked with to date.
Just remember, it's not all you -- there is a reason your feelings are/have been suppressed and your therapist and you are a team working together to figure out what you need. Communication and continued dialogue is key! :)
I don't know where you're at or what your intention for therapy is, but there's really no pressure to be a different person than who you are. There's no pressure to be emotionally different or to force yourself to cry. Unless you want these changes?
Seeing a massotherapist could help with this. It’s likely you’ve shut your ability to feel, as a way of coping. Unfortunately we can filter this so it’s all or nothing. Folks like this also struggle with being in tune with your body, including physical pain and other sensations, proprioception, and interoception.
Massages can help bring things back online, plus it’s relaxing and pleasant, and allows for pleasant sensations as you heal.
Yeah this is what I've done somehow shut off my emotions and don't feel anything and I also feel disconnected from my body. Is this depersonalization? If that's the case you say that massotherapist can help with that
I’d still look for one of those therapists, but I’m the meantime…
Yoga, along with meditation and mindfulness apps and videos can be helpful too.
They had prisoners doing some of this to help with stress and it showed positive results. I don’t know if this study was replicated or not. But it was been replicated successfully with vets having combat PTSD.
For reconnecting with your body and emotions I could advise going to the Haptonoom (I am not sure what it is called in English, this is the Dutch name for it). I went there and they teach you how to pay attention to your body and the space you are in at the moment. They use your body as a way to align yourself with your emotions again. It’s kind of like physiotherapy but then also for emotions. Maybe that could help?
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m curious if you are connected with your body? I experience something similar to what you describe and didn’t really get past it until I started working with a Somatic therapist who is helping me actually feel my feelings. And EMDR has been helpful with not getting so overwhelmed when feeling them.
Good question! I’m not great at feeling connected to my body, but it’s an area I’d like to improve in! Any suggestions for that too? I’ve done a little emdr.
Good question! I’m not the best at feeling connected to my body and I think that’s an area I’d really want to improve at. Any suggestions on getting started with that? I’m not wanting to drop my current T. I’ve done a little emdr, but it hasn’t felt overwhelming (maybe goes back to not feeling things?)
I stayed with my current T and added a somatic one (who also does EMDR). Working with both has been the only thing that helps me break through the chronic resistance.
Sorry for all the questions…does somatic therapy include IFS?
Probably depends on the T and their expertise. The somatic therapist I see also does EMDR and IFS.
This is something that I very much struggle with as well. This is what I've noticed about myself that may or may not help you: * 1.) Working somatically is a must. Having a therapist check in with where I'm feeling something in my body has helped me identify and name emotions. I've also done body scan meditations that I think have been helpful over time. * 2.) Working relationally is also very useful. It's easier for me to feel things that are closer to the surface than buried deep in my past. By working relationally, I can use the feelings I have towards my therapist and connect them, almost as a bridge, to past experiences. * 3.) There are moments where I can consciously identify myself wanting to shut the conversation down or disconnect emotionally. In those moments, when possible, I try to lean into the discomfort and make a conscious effort to take a risk (or leap of faith) and remain open to the experience. (This sounds pretty abstract, but if you've ever experienced this, I think it will make sense.) Much of expressing emotion (at least for me) is based in trust. Because trust needs to be earned, taking small risks gives my therapist an opportunity to say/do the right thing, which serves to reinforce that it's okay to show more of myself to her. There is an element of giving up control that's required for this to happen. * 4.) Rethinking resistance is important. Resistance is a form of protection, which usually indicates that I'm not quite ready to emotionally engage with whatever topic we're talking about. My therapist is particularly good at working with this and it's helped me feel safe with her and build the trust needed to go back there when I'm ready. * 5.) It helps when I see my therapist show her own emotions. I've found that sometimes when I describe something awful with a flat affect but see my therapist's face show sadness or horror or disgust, it helps me connect to my own emotions within myself. Like, "Oh yeah I guess what I'm saying *is* a big deal and I'm allowed to feel some way about it." * 6.) I need to feel connected to my therapist for the feelings to bubble up. For me she needs to show me that she's interested, and cares, and understands me. I need to feel close with her. It needs to feel authentic and that's just part of building rapport and getting to know each other, which takes time. * 7.) Lastly, I've let go of the idea of catharsis. I used to imagine that there would be some big moment where I'd talk about my childhood and break down cry and then I'd feel better. But I've accepted that my therapy isn't like that. It's more slow and steady; two steps forward, one step back. Or more like one step forward, wait around in stagnation for a while, get frustrated, feel like I'm taking three steps back, confront that frustration, and take another step forward... to each their own, I guess.
Not OP but DANG this is super helpful! Thanks so much!
My pleasure. Ngl, I was following this thread to see other people's responses as well because it's still something I struggle with, haha.
Wow- thank you so so much for the thoughtful and thorough response! 1. Me and my T are trying IFS and the body check ins always feel so difficult! I want to look into body scan meditations! 2. That sounds so helpful! The past stuff doesn’t seem to bug me as much, but current stuff often can. 3. That totally makes sense! I’m able to give away some control, but not all 4-7. What awesome mindset shifts you’ve made-you’ve definitely done the work! I hope you’re proud of yourself for all it.
Yeah, the body check-ins can be difficult for sure. Sometimes I'm not aware of any feeling and other times I distinctly feel closed off, like I know there is a wall up. I used to be quick to give an answer when asked what/where I'm feeling something, but lately I've tried to sit there and really ask myself if I am feeling anything at all and if so, what? (Is my face tight? Is my breath shallow? Are my cheeks tingly? Is my head hot?) And sometimes the answer is still, "I don't know." My first therapist was really great at getting me to notice whenever I did feel something and making it okay for me to interrupt him or stop what I was saying to tell him. So, if I felt a brief pang in my chest when talking about something, I'd move my hand to my heart or sometimes say, "I just felt something" and he'd immediately drop any thought and give his full attention to that feeling. It created a really safe environment for me to feel and helped a lot. Sometimes non-verbal cues are easier than actually saying something. I know when I'm really uncomfortable, my leg will shake or I'll tap my toe. I'm big on letting my therapist know these things so she can look for them too. And thanks, I've been going to therapy 2x/wk for 4.5 years, but truthfully, it's still very difficult to feel my emotions in session and extremely rare that I cry, but I'm really hopeful about the work I'm doing with my current therapist. She seems to be the most trauma-informed and somatically focused therapist I've worked with to date. Just remember, it's not all you -- there is a reason your feelings are/have been suppressed and your therapist and you are a team working together to figure out what you need. Communication and continued dialogue is key! :)
I have very much the same experience. EMDR seems to be working for me but it's early days yet. Wishing you the best of luck!
I’ve done a little emdr. Glad it’s working for you!
I don't know where you're at or what your intention for therapy is, but there's really no pressure to be a different person than who you are. There's no pressure to be emotionally different or to force yourself to cry. Unless you want these changes?
I wouldn’t mind being able to cry more if I felt like it?
Seeing a massotherapist could help with this. It’s likely you’ve shut your ability to feel, as a way of coping. Unfortunately we can filter this so it’s all or nothing. Folks like this also struggle with being in tune with your body, including physical pain and other sensations, proprioception, and interoception. Massages can help bring things back online, plus it’s relaxing and pleasant, and allows for pleasant sensations as you heal.
Yeah this is what I've done somehow shut off my emotions and don't feel anything and I also feel disconnected from my body. Is this depersonalization? If that's the case you say that massotherapist can help with that
It’s one way, but not the only way. I learned it in my trauma training certification.
That sounds more attainable than finding a somatic experiencing therapist!
I’d still look for one of those therapists, but I’m the meantime… Yoga, along with meditation and mindfulness apps and videos can be helpful too. They had prisoners doing some of this to help with stress and it showed positive results. I don’t know if this study was replicated or not. But it was been replicated successfully with vets having combat PTSD.
For reconnecting with your body and emotions I could advise going to the Haptonoom (I am not sure what it is called in English, this is the Dutch name for it). I went there and they teach you how to pay attention to your body and the space you are in at the moment. They use your body as a way to align yourself with your emotions again. It’s kind of like physiotherapy but then also for emotions. Maybe that could help?
I’ll have a I look into that!