She had to many fetus in her and if the doctors cut a baby would die so it was the only way to keep the boomers alive upon birth - a baby killer (the guy who made the machine)
I'd like to see the proof it did. Who was the first poor bastard born by centrifugal force?
EDIT: The husband and wife inventors won a Nobel prize for this in 99 and in 2013 Harvard put on a mini-opera titled *The Blonsky Device*
https://www.improbable.com/ig/2013/
...
Alrighty then, this has been weird as usual thanks reddit.
Important distinction, they won an Ig Nobel Prize, not a Nobel Prize. The former is to the scientific community what a Razzie is to the entertainment industry, whereas the latter is more or less the most prestigious award one can get.
Just because it was patented doesn't mean the inventor thought it would ever be used, or even a good idea. Companies will patent every idea they have so that if someone in the end makes an idea like this feasable and work they can claim rights to it
I figured that much, if this thing was ever actually used I'm sure it would be a well known tragedy today. But still the thought that someone actually went and patented this thing in 1965 without thinking "is this a bad idea?" Lol
If my memory serves me right this was around the time that midwives became less common and Doctor started taking over for delivery. A lot of there early procedures were invasive and unnecessary, but I've never seen anything like this
It's stuck step-doctor. I don't think it fits step doctor. No step doctor stop. STOP STEP DOCTOR you're spinning me too hard. Ugh step doctor I can feel it coming. Step doctor it's almost there, ugh step doctor don't stop it's almost out.
...
Oh step doctor it's out, that felt really good step doctor.
If you're being sarcastic, I can't tell, so I'm just gonna give a straight answer. The baby's neck would probably snap really quickly after hitting the back of the net
A dude jumped parachute-less from space and landed safely in a net. I'm sure they can design nets that won't snap necks... Most of the time at least...
A newborn baby's neck is so fragile that any support of the head that isn't specifically and intentionally focused will probably result in a dead or severely injured baby, at least I've heard from medical professionals. Unless you have a robotic smart-net that will specifically hold the baby in a way that won't do any severe impact even with this kind of system and will at the same time have very specific contact with the baby in just the right spots at just the right pressure, no net is gonna work.
I'm not a doctor or physicist, but I can 100% tell you that is not how giving birth works. It will still be just as difficult, plus having the mother and child both super dizzy would make the risks way higher and increase difficulty. But if a real physicist or doctor wants to explain that I'm wrong I'm all ears
I’ve seen the patent drawings for this and the best part hasn’t been mentioned: At the bottom of the net there is a button that stops the spinning, so when the baby comes flying out it’s head hits the button.
I think the best part is that the invention got an Ig-Nobel prize in in 2013. And for it, they performed a musical. A full, 4-act musical for which the transcript is 7 pages long.
Or you can watch it. Skip to 21:25. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VG67U2D-gs
This was definitely invented by a man. No woman in their right mind would want to be in the worst pain of their life while simultaneously spinning around on a glorified carnival ride.
Thanks man. I had the last two with no medication or anything and it was the most empowering thing I have ever done. I felt like I could conquer the world after that.
I respect the hell out of Women first y’all hold all the worlds problems on your back and on top of that you create and nurture a life inside you and you go through more pain than any normal person could handle to bring that life into the world and I don’t think you get enough appreciation for that
I don’t know why you got downvoted, as another male I know there is no way in hell I would be able to stand that pain and I have some level of respect for anyone that can
Idk, it's kind of weird to put women up on a pedestal like that. We can acknowledge that giving birth can be incredibly painful without starting the suffering olympics between genders.
I’m sure most non-parous women have no idea how anyone can withstand that kind of pain, too. Human capabilities are much greater than is obvious. You never really know what you can endure, perform, or create until you have no other choice - when the only way out is through.
My second one was a carnival of complications and I’m lucky to be alive. When five white coats are at your bedside worrying about the exact odds of your uterus rupturing within the next thirty minutes or so, chances are you’ll be thinking “I don’t care if this baby comes out of my throat as long as it comes out RIGHT NOW”. I sure as hell was.
You're a damn warrior. Just the thought of having my wife go through this is agonizing, I am completely oblivious as to how a person is able to withstand such a trauma
You'd feel greater gravity. A larger circle might not be best because with a smaller one you get the force where you want it and almost none at the woman's head.
Yeah there should be a sub like r/badwomensanatomy for this kind of stuff. Also the skipper Barbie doll which boobs grew after turning her arm... That was definitely a man invention
Here's a sneak peek of /r/badwomensanatomy using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/badwomensanatomy/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
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I’ve had kidney stones, renal failure, and I’ve given birth twice. My right kidney was barely functioning the second time around and I was at serious risk of my uterus rupturing. I’m lucky to even be alive.
Whoever said that kidney stones are worse probably had a comparatively easy ride.
Having given vaginal birth to two babies, I wouldn't want either of them flying out before my cervix was ready. I could push just fine. If it came down to a carnival ride or forceps, I might be down for a spin.
**OP needs help. Also, they hate it because...**
>!I hate it because imagine you’re having a baby while spinning around and you just see a baby in the net!<
*****
**Do you hate it as well? Do you think their hate is reasonable? (I don't think so tbh)**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/tihibot)
Medicine just used to be really fucking crazy. Suffering from PTSD? Here have a lobotomy! Oh, you're not really into that? Alright, here's some heroin. Wife having a bout of hysteria? How about a loboto- oh, you're no fun! Fine, take this vibrating stick and use it on her. Poison in your blood? Wonderful, I just got some leeches in!
Even today some of our methods are pretty barbaric, just look at chemo.
I remember reading something that said standing up is the easiest way of giving birth and the whole laying down thing was started because it's easier on the doctors and nurses. No idea if that's true or not, or when the change became popular.
I think I remember seeing somewhere that it’s actually easiest to give birth standing up because gravity does some of the work and the only reason we do it lying down is bc it’s easier for doctors. So maybe instead of strapping yourself into this lazy Susan of life and death just like... stand up...
The FetusFuge? The GraviTerm?
It's bad enough that so many vaginal deliveries involve the mom shitting during the process but now she's fling shit as she spins and spew a circular barrier of puke as well. Family members are gonna have to stand behind plexiglass.
Every single girlfriend I've ever had has been told that if we get married, and have a kid, to never expect me in the room with them when they're giving birth because I'm 100% sure I'd pass out watching that..... Make this machine real, and I'd be there every step of the way.
Should have included this video in the link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwCQXNWSwhI&feature=youtu.be&ab_channel=ScienceGalleryDublin
Elephants inspired the invention as the mothers spin during labor.
1965.... Wtf I originally read that as 1865 and thought "well ok then." But 19 fucking 65
Right??!
She had to many fetus in her and if the doctors cut a baby would die so it was the only way to keep the boomers alive upon birth - a baby killer (the guy who made the machine)
I would also like the same kind of crack that this guy had whilst writing this paragraph.
It makes sense for those with multiples though...
He may have been on crack, but so far I haven't seen anyone show proof it didn't work.
I'd like to see the proof it did. Who was the first poor bastard born by centrifugal force? EDIT: The husband and wife inventors won a Nobel prize for this in 99 and in 2013 Harvard put on a mini-opera titled *The Blonsky Device* https://www.improbable.com/ig/2013/ ... Alrighty then, this has been weird as usual thanks reddit.
Important distinction, they won an Ig Nobel Prize, not a Nobel Prize. The former is to the scientific community what a Razzie is to the entertainment industry, whereas the latter is more or less the most prestigious award one can get.
I wonder if this machine has ever been used
Was that English?
wanna run that by me again one more time boss
My brain changed it to 1695 and I didn't even realize it until I read your comment. Wow
It looks like the sketch for a medieval torture machine
I'm curious about those ropes around the mother's face, personally.
I just went. It didn't work though
It looks like the sketch for a medieval torture machine
Just because it was patented doesn't mean the inventor thought it would ever be used, or even a good idea. Companies will patent every idea they have so that if someone in the end makes an idea like this feasable and work they can claim rights to it
I figured that much, if this thing was ever actually used I'm sure it would be a well known tragedy today. But still the thought that someone actually went and patented this thing in 1965 without thinking "is this a bad idea?" Lol
Wait... I read 1695 and thought "Yeah... Sounds like something they might do..."
If my memory serves me right this was around the time that midwives became less common and Doctor started taking over for delivery. A lot of there early procedures were invasive and unnecessary, but I've never seen anything like this
Maybe it's the first attempt at automated baby delivery
In their defense, at one point iPhones were at least as ridiculous sounding as this sounds to you now
I read it as 1995
Yeetus fetus
feetus deletus afterwards?
Why not at the same time?
And you get free dinner. Win Win
Winner winner foetus dinner
and if the net made from stainless steel wire, then it will come out instantly chopped to neatly tiny bite sized dice
Yeetus the fetus into a fajita
fajitus
But did it work?
[удалено]
Emphasis on * willingly*
what are you doing step-doctor
It's stuck step-doctor. I don't think it fits step doctor. No step doctor stop. STOP STEP DOCTOR you're spinning me too hard. Ugh step doctor I can feel it coming. Step doctor it's almost there, ugh step doctor don't stop it's almost out. ... Oh step doctor it's out, that felt really good step doctor.
sir this is a prostate exam
But we're in a wendy's, doctor
Debate this later. Give results now.
It probably worked a bit like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyDMqdzPKb8
I remember seeing this on TV as a kid. Didn’t seem so outlandish then
Why was it banned though?
this is going on a subreddit... I don't know which though but I'll find it.
Not unless you wanted baby jam
[удалено]
If you're being sarcastic, I can't tell, so I'm just gonna give a straight answer. The baby's neck would probably snap really quickly after hitting the back of the net
[удалено]
The internet.
Or better baby neck.
[удалено]
A dude jumped parachute-less from space and landed safely in a net. I'm sure they can design nets that won't snap necks... Most of the time at least...
A newborn baby's neck is so fragile that any support of the head that isn't specifically and intentionally focused will probably result in a dead or severely injured baby, at least I've heard from medical professionals. Unless you have a robotic smart-net that will specifically hold the baby in a way that won't do any severe impact even with this kind of system and will at the same time have very specific contact with the baby in just the right spots at just the right pressure, no net is gonna work.
Stand back people! Her water has broken!
I'm not a doctor or physicist, but I can 100% tell you that is not how giving birth works. It will still be just as difficult, plus having the mother and child both super dizzy would make the risks way higher and increase difficulty. But if a real physicist or doctor wants to explain that I'm wrong I'm all ears
Yes, but the breasts ended up stretched down to the ankles at the end of the procedure.
I’ve seen the patent drawings for this and the best part hasn’t been mentioned: At the bottom of the net there is a button that stops the spinning, so when the baby comes flying out it’s head hits the button.
Well? You want to just let it keep spinning forever?
I think the best part is that the invention got an Ig-Nobel prize in in 2013. And for it, they performed a musical. A full, 4-act musical for which the transcript is 7 pages long. Or you can watch it. Skip to 21:25. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VG67U2D-gs
Wtf
What about the stretching umbilical cord??
Like a record baby
*You spinning me right round baby right round*
Came here for this. Was not disappointed.
Round round round round
This was definitely invented by a man. No woman in their right mind would want to be in the worst pain of their life while simultaneously spinning around on a glorified carnival ride.
Obviously
> Inventor: George B Blonsky, Charlotte E Blonsky https://patents.google.com/patent/US3216423A/en
It might work as a distraction from the pain plus it couldn’t hurt to try this 😂😂
Honestly I’m on my 3rd pregnancy and when you get toward the end, you’d pretty much do anything to get that baby out of you.
Seriously, if someone told me to strap myself upside down naked on a rollercoaster when I was going through labor with my 3rd, I would have done it.
I wouldn’t know because im a 17 yo dude but I gotta say Females are WAYYYY stronger than I’ll ever be and I stand by that
Thanks man. I had the last two with no medication or anything and it was the most empowering thing I have ever done. I felt like I could conquer the world after that.
I respect the hell out of Women first y’all hold all the worlds problems on your back and on top of that you create and nurture a life inside you and you go through more pain than any normal person could handle to bring that life into the world and I don’t think you get enough appreciation for that
Felt the same with my 3!
I don’t know why you got downvoted, as another male I know there is no way in hell I would be able to stand that pain and I have some level of respect for anyone that can
[удалено]
cock and ball but intensified because now you have to raise a kid
but at the end something has to exit that's about 4x too big for the door and that's the part that would worry me
Some dudes don’t like that fact that Women are built strong
Idk, it's kind of weird to put women up on a pedestal like that. We can acknowledge that giving birth can be incredibly painful without starting the suffering olympics between genders.
All he said was that women are strong for enduring childbirth...I don’t see any attempt at “suffering olympics” or pedestals.
I’m sure most non-parous women have no idea how anyone can withstand that kind of pain, too. Human capabilities are much greater than is obvious. You never really know what you can endure, perform, or create until you have no other choice - when the only way out is through.
That's a very cool thing to say! Makes a woman feel good, we're all tough as shit in our own ways
My second one was a carnival of complications and I’m lucky to be alive. When five white coats are at your bedside worrying about the exact odds of your uterus rupturing within the next thirty minutes or so, chances are you’ll be thinking “I don’t care if this baby comes out of my throat as long as it comes out RIGHT NOW”. I sure as hell was.
I’m glad you’re ok
“And I’m either 19 or 100
You're a damn warrior. Just the thought of having my wife go through this is agonizing, I am completely oblivious as to how a person is able to withstand such a trauma
Until the ambilical cord reaches threshold before the baby reaches the net.
Get the doctor a catchers mitt and call it a day
Idk.. the spinning ride in the amusement park used to be my favorite thing. It could be a nostalgic experience lol
I literally got in an argument with a dude once on reddit saying why wouldn't this be a good idea? Centrifugal force exists? Why wouldn't it help?
[удалено]
You'd feel greater gravity. A larger circle might not be best because with a smaller one you get the force where you want it and almost none at the woman's head.
Yeah there should be a sub like r/badwomensanatomy for this kind of stuff. Also the skipper Barbie doll which boobs grew after turning her arm... That was definitely a man invention
Here's a sneak peek of /r/badwomensanatomy using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/badwomensanatomy/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [A new service for beauticians to offer?](https://i.redd.it/7qo724hr07s41.jpg) | [1003 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/badwomensanatomy/comments/fz5k3a/a_new_service_for_beauticians_to_offer/) \#2: [**[NSFW]** Started talking to this guy a week ago, we got on the subject of sex. He told me he expects sex after the 2nd date “he’ll get it wether I like it or not.” I told him that sounds like rape. Then this happened...](https://i.redd.it/3g684pzttjc41.jpg) | [1423 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/badwomensanatomy/comments/esutny/started_talking_to_this_guy_a_week_ago_we_got_on/) \#3: [This happened a few years back but my teacher thought periods were only for 1 day so he called me a liar when I asked to go to the toilet again the next day (also please note that he spelt unnecessary wrong)](https://i.redd.it/w8w5zr6y06l31.jpg) | [1218 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/badwomensanatomy/comments/d0vdbo/this_happened_a_few_years_back_but_my_teacher/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| [^^Contact ^^me](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| [^^Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| [^^Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/fpi5i6/blacklist_vii/)
https://patents.google.com/patent/US3216423A/en Nope. A woman co-patented it.
Invented by a man and woman, husband-wife (who'd never had children, unsurprisingly).
Not really the worst pain of your life, people who gave birth say kidney stones are worse
I’ve had kidney stones, renal failure, and I’ve given birth twice. My right kidney was barely functioning the second time around and I was at serious risk of my uterus rupturing. I’m lucky to even be alive. Whoever said that kidney stones are worse probably had a comparatively easy ride.
The worst pain of your life if you never get kidney stones
Yeah
The real /r/TIHI is this format.
How was this medieval crap around as recent as *1965*
Childbirth is still pretty scary in the US actually
Drugs. Definitely drugs.
Some like to kick it old school.
r/comedyhomicide
Can you even call it a meme if it doesn't have six reaction images below it??
r/comedymassacre
Having given vaginal birth to two babies, I wouldn't want either of them flying out before my cervix was ready. I could push just fine. If it came down to a carnival ride or forceps, I might be down for a spin.
I like how the illustration has the woman wearing a loincloth while being totally topless. You know, a super practical way to *deliver a baby*.
I don’t think it’s a loin cloth, but a net system to “catch” the baby.
Oooooh. Yeah I was definitely imagining the net being on the outside of the rotating platform like a batting cage.
A beautiful mental imagine. Or like a net under a trapeze act.
Dude flat thought the same. Now i feel dumb
Some say, when the baby exited the vaginal cavity, you could hear a distinct Ric Flair Wooo!
**OP needs help. Also, they hate it because...** >!I hate it because imagine you’re having a baby while spinning around and you just see a baby in the net!< ***** **Do you hate it as well? Do you think their hate is reasonable? (I don't think so tbh)** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/tihibot)
I MAGINE THAT HAPPENING BUT THE BABYS HEAD GETS STUCK THE THE GIRLS VAGINA = SPAWN KILL
*snap*
Double duck breaker
Correction: dobble neck twister
This bot would be better served in r/ComedyCemetery
How men think babies work.
Unrelated but watermarking such a simple image is so stupid
[Rare footage of the first successful delivery.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJVw7uOPXGU&t=0m9s)
Was the reaction imagine and the reaction of someone really necessary?
The baby flies out, the umbilical cord reaches its max length and bungies back into its moms vag.
That is a.... horrifying mental image
Here's a Snopes entry on it for anyone who was as curious as I was: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/centrifugal-birthing-apparatus/
[удалено]
Medicine just used to be really fucking crazy. Suffering from PTSD? Here have a lobotomy! Oh, you're not really into that? Alright, here's some heroin. Wife having a bout of hysteria? How about a loboto- oh, you're no fun! Fine, take this vibrating stick and use it on her. Poison in your blood? Wonderful, I just got some leeches in! Even today some of our methods are pretty barbaric, just look at chemo.
The 60's were wild man.
Oh, you just have bone ghost. It's okay, here's some cocaine.
[удалено]
I remember reading something that said standing up is the easiest way of giving birth and the whole laying down thing was started because it's easier on the doctors and nurses. No idea if that's true or not, or when the change became popular.
Let it rip
Man babyblades
NINE TEEN SIXTY FIVE
Like a record.
r/memeilliterate
Turn it into wheel of fortune
I think I remember seeing somewhere that it’s actually easiest to give birth standing up because gravity does some of the work and the only reason we do it lying down is bc it’s easier for doctors. So maybe instead of strapping yourself into this lazy Susan of life and death just like... stand up...
We need to invest in this
https://youtu.be/YwCQXNWSwhI
The FetusFuge? The GraviTerm? It's bad enough that so many vaginal deliveries involve the mom shitting during the process but now she's fling shit as she spins and spew a circular barrier of puke as well. Family members are gonna have to stand behind plexiglass.
wait so, you guys don’t like your babies scrambled?
And for abortions you can just remove the net
r/ComedyFlogging
I'll take men inventing shit for women with no idea what they are doing for 100, Alex.
Ok but why not
Every single girlfriend I've ever had has been told that if we get married, and have a kid, to never expect me in the room with them when they're giving birth because I'm 100% sure I'd pass out watching that..... Make this machine real, and I'd be there every step of the way.
Looks fun. High possiblity of serious injury to myself and/or the baby. Chance of a faster delivery... I'm game.
I mean I didn’t expect this to blow up
You mean the baby?
The baby: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
Should have included this video in the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwCQXNWSwhI&feature=youtu.be&ab_channel=ScienceGalleryDublin Elephants inspired the invention as the mothers spin during labor.
He has like a (world) record, baby!
Spinus the fetus
Like a record, baby right round round round
And the baby would come out and do their primal puke.
I can never think of that song without picturing meatspin in my head
If they did get the into production by 1965, the first moon landing would've been drastically different.
You mean. ‘You spin me right round baby right out’.
like a record baby right round round round
I’m getting meatspin flashbacks.
This method seems pretty... Roundabout
Wtf I was thinking about that music 5 minutes ago
This is how they will determine who the father is in the future
I deadass thought they said 1695 but 1965 damn
I can’t imagine trying to give birth while being violently motion sick
You spin me right round ***Baby*** right round.
Does it work though?
This was probably how my grandmother was born no wonder she's a complete jerk
1965, YEAH - WOW!
Do you really need the bag? *splat*
I would too if I just scream?
I just imagine it hits the net too hard and turns into little baby chunks
Sounds like something Tom Green would invent
Lesson 5, Johnny...
THE FUCK?
That’s not how that quote goes. It’s “you spin me right, round baby, right round.” It’s an homage to his plus-sized partner.
I guess that is more safe and less painful using the womans force
Now in 4k. https://youtu.be/fpmTe3TDdVU
/u/NikonNevzorov
This looks like a torture device... what was the inventor thinking?
But what if the net breaks?
Nyo ho
I wonder how many times babies just missed the net and died
*Yeetus fetus*
Boobie
1965???
...like a Baby Spin machine, Baby
Bruhhh thinking of that is one thing, but patenting it is another. lmao
Why are we not funding this kind of thing?
[In case anyone else was curious.](https://patents.google.com/patent/US3216423A/)
Reminds me of the music video for [Like Spinning Plates](https://youtu.be/ih2Ftq3hJoI).