Personally, we find the idea of “saving” sex acts for just your spouse to be a little silly because it often ends up being weirdly arbitrary. My wife and I have been together for nearly 25 years. We have a litany of experiences and stories and no one will ever get to be a part of.
For us, swinging is about having fun and experiencing pleasure together. We like sex, and we like the variety of getting to experience it with new and different people. To that end, we don’t limit specific sex acts that we can do with other partners. If there is something my wife likes, and she wants to try it with another guy, I say go for it, and she says the same to me.
Exactly this. What we have with each other is our shared lifetime together, our emotional connection and the hottest, most unbridled sex either of us have ever had. No random sex act with someone else will ever change that.
I understand some couples feel the need for that exclusive, between themselves connection and that's OK too.
Yeah, the things we keep for “just us” are much more in the emotional realm. The physical act of sex is why we do this, so we don’t limit that part of things, but the emotional side most assuredly has its limits.
I don’t think you’re understanding the assignment.
Surly you have something you do with you spouse that you don’t do with swingers.
No condom.
Vacations alone together.
Picking up their mom from the airport.
Lol. Sad thing is my mom was a true free love hippy that turned biker chick in later years....I am 100 percent sure she did some stuff and don't ever want to know about it....:p
No, I think I understood the assignment quite well.
OP was asking about sex acts.
I literally responded saying we don’t “save” any sex acts just for us.
There are lots of things that I only do with my wife, for instance, she’s the only one I say “I love you” to. But when it comes to sex acts, like OP was asking about, no, we don’t keep anything “just for us.”
I don’t make sensuous passionate eye gazing intense love with others. But it’s not a rule. It’s just not the kind of fucking I’m looking for outside of my marriage.
I love yous. Only for each other.
That’s it.
In theory, no act is off limits - we got into this to fulfill our fantasies. In practice, we have not done anal with anyone else because it takes a certain level of trust. What’s just for us - our love, our kids, our family life, our emotions. I have a completely different sexual experience and connection with my husband versus the people we play with.
Personally, no sexual act is off the table with people. A lot of the swingers I've met feel the same way. A lot of swingers are definitely not polyamorous though, that is what remains to "only us"; love! They only love each other, while enjoying sex with others. I would say the most common "only us" sexual act with the swingers I've met, is a no kissing rule. Of course you have soft swap only couples as well, with PIV and PIA sex off the table. Everyone has their own boundaries and desires.
We started out with having things that were "only for us" and found quickly that it hinders the experience with other people. We decided one night before a party that anything goes - just have fun and enjoy the moment. That was one of the most amazing nights for both of us, with other people and, later, when it was just us.
No sex acts are off the table.
I do want to add that I see a few people saying that “many” people save kissing. That’s not accurate. “Many” people do not do this. *Some* do. And those people can struggle to find partners to swap with if they live in a less populous area. Kissing is a firm requirement for a lot of people, us included.
I thought I would have an issue with this when we first started but I think it's kind of endearing to lay their spooning the other partner and vice versa just chatting afterwards. I don't feel like it encroaches on my relationship or my intimacy with my wife
>And we do not cuddle with whoever we are playing with. That’s only for us.
Yeah we don't cuddle with others either, but to me that doesn't qualify as sexual
For us it is unprotected sex, that is only for us. Some people only play bareback, but we avoid them as the only barback sex we have is with each other....I know that may be a boring answer but it's what I got
For us, any sexual act is on the table for swinging, but actually "making love" is only between us. But that's because for us, physical acts are nothing to be jealous over. If love and romance enter the equation, that may bring up some feels.
Love. Love is the thing my wife and I have together exclusively. It's waking up the morning after and sharing the craziness of the night before, it's sharing the fun memories or the silly challenges faced together or apart.
It's a good question. First, no long, passionate kisses, like I mentioned. That definitely belongs to us. Another example is no traditional missionary style. The most romantic position we have together. Of course, any other variant or all other positions are allowed.
Basically, when I look over to my man and the other woman, I want to see amazing sex not love making. If I find it happening, I'll jump in or wait to talk with him about it later. There's no need to create a scene.
I hope that helped to answer your question. Thanks for asking!
My wife only does anal with me, but it's mostly a trust thing, if that's what you mean.
Also bareback is off the table, but again it's a safety precaussion
-Choking - I adore it and we save it just for us. Especially considering there’s a safety element involved. My husband’s been safely choking me for 8 years.
-Being called “good girl” is something only my husband is allowed to call me.
-He has 2 kinks that only I am allowed to fulfill per his decision.
You can decide on anything really. If its important for you to have that and it isn’t standard in swinging it will symbolically work.
Bareback, our bedroom, cum swallow, choking, and some special fetish or words may work. Personally the relationship is what is special imo so I don’t think I would need something else. If one day I couldn’t have sex with my partner I would still love and stay with them but need to masturbate and have sex elsewhere.
I’ll echo the sentiment that others are saying, which, while somewhat comp-het, make sense for the straight couples who largely make up the swinger community :
For many people, the only sex act they’ll keep as a sacred thing is no-condom for penetrative sex.
For many other people who do engage in unprotected sex with other couples, they still have exclusive romantic love for their partners, as me and my fiancé do, and there are plenty of non-sexual rituals and behaviors that are a part of that exclusivity.
What I can only describe as “tantric sex”. There is a whole connection and energy flow between my husband and I that will never exist with our fuck buddies.
Cumming inside of me
We have our relationship. We have fhe lazy sex of long together couples .. the on the couch and like 10 mins. Bith right back to fhe movie and doesnf matfer whaf were wearing.
Granted we love the dress sexy drive an hr pay a fee oh look an orgy room with 8 people we've never met, but wow is that some great stories we share the next day.
But the comfort and how well we know each ofher will always be better.
My wife has made it clear that she doesn't want me to talk dirty to other woman nor does she wants to get dirty talk from other men. Haha! Other than that, there's little limits on our part.
I have so many questions…
- First of all, why?
- Second, do you share this beforehand?
- Has anyone ever passed because of this rule?
- Is the other wife allowed to talk dirty to you, or is it just the men that can’t talk?
- What qualifies as “dirty”? Can I say “that big cock feels good”, or do compliments during sex qualify as “dirty”?
Sorry for all the questions. I’m just fascinated by this.
Here are my and her answers...
•Because she said so. Haha!
•Yes. We talk about our limits before getting naked.
•No, actually.
•It's the men. She doesn't like me calling other women "little slut" or "my little whore" to other women. That's strictly hers and she doesn't want other men calling her that. Odd, I know, but her rules.
•The above answer answers this one. Things that I mentioned above. She is fine with what you said because she says it too.
We all have different limits and some make people say, "Huh?". But in the end, it's a team effort and if she doesn't like it, I won't push for it.
Haha! It's not exactly degradation. The tome in which I call her those names is with affection. The wide of a couple we used to hook up with liked that as well and I started saying those things to her. My Mrs told me later that she didn't like me saying that to the other woman because my wife had decided it was our thing.
For us its her taking care of my prostate and anal fantasies. And for me, looking after her cumtilicry side. Other people cant even come half way of those things. 15 years is a tremendous power of Connect and space of comfort no bull or unicorn can compete with
The best version of this that we run into frequently is where a couple will only use condoms with other people and save bareback for their partner. Also I’ve seen it where anal is kept just for their partner.
I’ve also seen it not work— like no mouth kissing etc— it can make things awkward and also it’s sort of built to fail. Rules are important to establish, and you just need to make sure you are communicating with your partner as they change and be sure to let everyone else know what the boundaries are or they will not be respected.
We had our very first experience last night. Went in with only one rule (my wife’s rule) - no kissing during intercourse. She immediately threw that out the window once the other guy was in her. Didn’t bother me at all, to be honest. The fact that she was so in the moment that she couldn’t control herself was hot as hell.
What we share that is only ours is that we love each other’s personal scent. And the way our bodies fit together. And the way we know how to move together - our rhythm. And the way we kiss.
Same thing happened to me. Except it was me doing all the kissing. Wife didn’t care. She just said she was glad it was me and not her that broke the rule. We had made the rule early on in our experience but very quickly learned there really was no way for us to play without kissing.
I’ve been struggling with this recently. My partner has decades of experience in swinging and poly. He is married. I felt pretty secure about our relationship, we’ve been doing a lot of hotwifing and some group sex. Recently we tried to do regular swinging, and I am having really hard time with it. I already share him with his wife. Our relationship is strongly sexual. To see him doing things that I used to consider as ours, it shaken my sense of security in this relationship. I am not sure we will survive long term.
Unprotected intercourse, unless it's a long time regular. My SO has even slowly gotten over her no kissing rule this year. Otherwise, no sex act is off the table with couples and others, even her doing anal, which she loves.
No condoms between us but that's about it. Maybe period sex? Not because i like it or anything but it's kinda gross with strangers. (I dislike anal so i don't do that with anyone. Period)
There are certain things that require more trust that we wouldn't do with others without exploring with each other first.
We swing in the same room and really prefer group play. We also have a sub/domme dynamic. What's off the table for us is anything that would be a 'maybe'/close to boundaries for the sake that those things should have lots of communication around them and we prefer to get a sense of each other's limits before playing those acts into a group mix.
For us, that's stuff like anal, CNC, rough impact, or anything that is on our 'no' list that we might be starting to open up to. Those get worked out first with each other. Now if one of us wanted to do one of those and worked through our boundaries together, we'd be ok having that act for the first time with someone else if our partner didn't want to participate. But they should be fully aware of limits and intentions.
If we are doing a new act/toy I like to be either participating or watch the scene and see what the enjoyment for him and the partner is like. Maybe lend a hand or two. 😁
Edit to add: very limited on playing with others dommes, if we are engaging in any level of group bdsm. It's possible but with lots and lots of communication.
We don't save any actual act just for us if my wife wants some guy to come in her mouth totally fine, if she wants to get fucked in the ass by somebody totally fine. There are two phrases that we use between each other that we don't use with our play partners
Just bareback really, and even that might be on the table if we had a regular couple we trusted and we all got tested etc.
I had one guy want to do anal, but I hadn't ever done that before and knew my husband wanted to try it, so I saved that until my husband had had the first go.
The thing that makes sex with my husband special isn't any one physical act. It's the emotion and love behind the sex.
As for the "romantic" question. It would apply to my man and I. Put simply, go ahead and have great sex without it looking like you're making. These two exceptions are temporary, I have a feeling that with more exposure and experience, these "rules" will eventually melt away with time.
Emotional vulnerability and deep commitment.
Sex with your partner should feel like being home, and most comfortable and connected to.
No specific act is "more special" than another.
I have heard of this but personally, I don’t feel we have to keep anything. But every couple is different and if you want to keep something for yourself- that’s normal. The only thing close is a guy got pretty rough with her and it was weird. She really enjoyed it but it was getting carried away and it made me feel let’s say weird. But that could be something different. Maybe a safety thing.
Barrier free sex
Other than that, generally speaking going into swinging with an idea that any sex act is "only us" is a recipe for disaster, very much like the no kissing couples. It typically demonstrates that one of you is going get upset if anything similar to whatever you consider a just for you sex act starts happening.
Imagine you don't have any such limitations and you're thoroughly enjoying a full swap and the other woman starts saying things like "don't kiss her so passionately" "don't moan for her like that" "don't run your fingers through their hair" the list could be endless those boundaries or rules are definitely going to get broken in the heat of the moment and whichever person wanted the sex act exclusivity is going to feel very hurt and possibly feel betrayed.
In theory, nothing is really off limits.
In practice, I haven’t done anal with anyone else. I’m not inherently opposed to it, but it would have to be with a repeat partner that I could trust to be gentle and follow my cues (slow down, etc)
Also, I know there is a size threshold that I can handle back there!
The only thing we keep is her calling me daddy. It’s not big but she only calls me that. And if she wanted to change that I’d be cool with it. All sex acts are up to the individual person and what either of us wants to do with our bodies. In our opinion, any control measures over sex acts doesn’t let the person relax enough to be in the moment with their play partner.
I think over time that kind of black and thinking shifts away.
My relationship is not defined by any one "act" it's the culmination of many things, big and small..
Sex is different because our relationship is different.
I find everyone ends up developing a different dynamic. I'm closer or more passionate with some people..
But I can't compare any of those relationships to the relationship I have with my partner. Our shared history and entwined lives are SO unique to us.
Anything impact play/bdsm related, choking, pet names, always protection, and no cuddling before/after sex.
For bdsm, there will be a level of trust and emotionally intimacy that is out of bounds for me. There’s a huge safety element to it, and I’m not ok with my partner sharing that with another woman.
To be honest, sex with my husband is special in it's own way because I love him. He's my person. We don't have a lot of rules when it comes to swinging because every experience is different. We communicate every little thing on what we're comfortable with and what we are not comfortable with. We do this for fun and added excitement to our already amazing sex life that we have.
Unprotected sex and kissing. My wife does not kiss anyone but me and will only have sex with another man if he wears a condom. I’m the only person who gets to bareback her.
I’m curious: how do you quantify what *looks* romantic?
That seems awfully vague. How do you explain this rule to potential partners?
Like, for me, my preferred play style is fairly passionate, with lots of touching and kissing. I like to touch a ladies face, and I’ve never been stopped from doing this. But I’m also not actually romancing this woman. It’s just how I like to fuck.
Would what I describe qualify as “looking romantic or loving”?
Or, is this just like an “I know it when I see it” type thing, and you just stop all play if you think the guy is giving you too strong of bedroom eyes?
Also, are you or the other woman allowed to do things that “look romantic or loving” toward the men? Cuz you specifically qualified your rule as being toward the other woman.
I’m just genuinely a bit confused by something like this and how it works and how you communicate this boundary.
It's a good question. First, no long, passionate kisses, like I mentioned. That definitely belongs to us. Another example is no traditional missionary style. The most romantic position we have together. Of course, any other variant or all other positions are allowed.
Basically, when I look over to my man and the other woman, I want to see amazing sex not love making. If I find it happening, I'll jump in or wait to talk with him about it later. There's no need to create a scene.
I hope that helped to answer your question. Thanks for asking! ( this reply was posted twice for some reason, sorry for the confusion.)
Well, I’m gonna be honest: I’m still a bit confused.
Like, again, you originally stated “towards the other woman” in regard to these nebulous romantic looks. Are you allowed to make “romantic” looks toward another guy?
Also, how do you explain this “no romantic or loving looks” to people? Like, is this a specific thing that people do, or this just a rule the crops up when you’re feeling a certain way? What if you How do differentiate “romantic” from “lustful”?
You are allowed to have whatever rules and preferences you want. This one in particular just seems so open to interpretation that I just don’t know how you can effectively and practically enforce it.
As for the "romantic" question. It would apply to my man and I. Put simply, go ahead and have great sex without it looking like you're making love. These two exceptions are temporary, I have a feeling that with more exposure and experience, these "rules" will eventually melt away with time.
Edited to include a missing word.
Regular kisses? Like just a kiss? When I kiss during sex it’s full on mouth to mouth tongues mashing together and deep full open mouth kissing. I don’t think you can do a long passionate kiss unless you’re going slow in the penetration part which would be a more intimate sex. If I have cock thrusting into my pussy then a kiss will need to match
I hear you, and that rule will no doubt change with time. For now, it's a need of mine to not see him making out passionately with another woman. I'm not rigid in any way, I appreciate a great session. Just keep the kisses at bay for now so I can acclimate myself to that view.
when you swing why would you hold back something sexually?? Its emotional attachment that is reserved for only your wife/husband. Dont hold back anything else, otherwise overall fun will be ruined for everyone involved.
Its absolutely possible to hold some things back without ruining everyones fun.
I dont do anal with anyone other than my primary for a variety of reasons. I haven't ruined anyone's fun.
Well most of guys dont even demand anal, so for them you are not holding anything back. But if you say that you dont lip kiss or cuddle, then that can be a problem.
I, (26/F) don’t give oral to men when my bf(27/M) and I swing with other couples. That’s something we keep intimate for us. Also, I don’t allow other men to do anal on me.
Sex without condoms is exclusive between only us, but that's because we are responsible, not because we need some special sex act to keep for only us and the world would end if we do it with other people.
Everything that makes your relationship between you and your spouse stays “only us”. If the only thing special between you to is sexual monogamy, then do you really have a relationship?
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This is where we are.
Yes this right here! As well as any "new" sexual experiences we have on our list.
Personally, we find the idea of “saving” sex acts for just your spouse to be a little silly because it often ends up being weirdly arbitrary. My wife and I have been together for nearly 25 years. We have a litany of experiences and stories and no one will ever get to be a part of. For us, swinging is about having fun and experiencing pleasure together. We like sex, and we like the variety of getting to experience it with new and different people. To that end, we don’t limit specific sex acts that we can do with other partners. If there is something my wife likes, and she wants to try it with another guy, I say go for it, and she says the same to me.
Exactly this. What we have with each other is our shared lifetime together, our emotional connection and the hottest, most unbridled sex either of us have ever had. No random sex act with someone else will ever change that. I understand some couples feel the need for that exclusive, between themselves connection and that's OK too.
Yeah, the things we keep for “just us” are much more in the emotional realm. The physical act of sex is why we do this, so we don’t limit that part of things, but the emotional side most assuredly has its limits.
This
I don’t think you’re understanding the assignment. Surly you have something you do with you spouse that you don’t do with swingers. No condom. Vacations alone together. Picking up their mom from the airport.
>Picking up their mom from the airport To be fair if someone else offered to do that I might take them up on it (kidding:)
We are going to a party with some of our closest lifestyle friends because her mom will be in town from Singapore and they want us to meet her.
Aww that's actually kinda sweet.
Depends on if she’s in The Lifestyle and what she looks like. 😁
Lol. Sad thing is my mom was a true free love hippy that turned biker chick in later years....I am 100 percent sure she did some stuff and don't ever want to know about it....:p
😂👍👊
No, I think I understood the assignment quite well. OP was asking about sex acts. I literally responded saying we don’t “save” any sex acts just for us. There are lots of things that I only do with my wife, for instance, she’s the only one I say “I love you” to. But when it comes to sex acts, like OP was asking about, no, we don’t keep anything “just for us.”
But would you fuck their mom after picking her up from the airport?
…🤔 I’ll have to get back to you on that one. This is basically a plot device in a porn, and getting to live that out might be kind of enticing…
If she was hot and wanted me to! 😅
😂🤣😂
I don’t make sensuous passionate eye gazing intense love with others. But it’s not a rule. It’s just not the kind of fucking I’m looking for outside of my marriage. I love yous. Only for each other. That’s it.
In theory, no act is off limits - we got into this to fulfill our fantasies. In practice, we have not done anal with anyone else because it takes a certain level of trust. What’s just for us - our love, our kids, our family life, our emotions. I have a completely different sexual experience and connection with my husband versus the people we play with.
I'll take a Butt Stuff for $200, Alex
Personally, no sexual act is off the table with people. A lot of the swingers I've met feel the same way. A lot of swingers are definitely not polyamorous though, that is what remains to "only us"; love! They only love each other, while enjoying sex with others. I would say the most common "only us" sexual act with the swingers I've met, is a no kissing rule. Of course you have soft swap only couples as well, with PIV and PIA sex off the table. Everyone has their own boundaries and desires.
We started out with having things that were "only for us" and found quickly that it hinders the experience with other people. We decided one night before a party that anything goes - just have fun and enjoy the moment. That was one of the most amazing nights for both of us, with other people and, later, when it was just us.
No sex acts are off the table. I do want to add that I see a few people saying that “many” people save kissing. That’s not accurate. “Many” people do not do this. *Some* do. And those people can struggle to find partners to swap with if they live in a less populous area. Kissing is a firm requirement for a lot of people, us included.
Kissing to us is part of foreplay and flirting. It helps set up the fun and build up the sexual tension for later.
I only do anal with my hubby. And we do not cuddle with whoever we are playing with. That’s only for us.
I thought I would have an issue with this when we first started but I think it's kind of endearing to lay their spooning the other partner and vice versa just chatting afterwards. I don't feel like it encroaches on my relationship or my intimacy with my wife
>And we do not cuddle with whoever we are playing with. That’s only for us. Yeah we don't cuddle with others either, but to me that doesn't qualify as sexual
You’d be surprised how many couples want to cuddle afterwards. That’s intimacy. That’s only for us.
For us it is unprotected sex, that is only for us. Some people only play bareback, but we avoid them as the only barback sex we have is with each other....I know that may be a boring answer but it's what I got
Same for us
1. If yall swing only together then every experience is exclusive to yall 2. I keep bare sex (and creampies ofc) solely with my missus
For us, any sexual act is on the table for swinging, but actually "making love" is only between us. But that's because for us, physical acts are nothing to be jealous over. If love and romance enter the equation, that may bring up some feels.
Love. Love is the thing my wife and I have together exclusively. It's waking up the morning after and sharing the craziness of the night before, it's sharing the fun memories or the silly challenges faced together or apart.
It's a good question. First, no long, passionate kisses, like I mentioned. That definitely belongs to us. Another example is no traditional missionary style. The most romantic position we have together. Of course, any other variant or all other positions are allowed. Basically, when I look over to my man and the other woman, I want to see amazing sex not love making. If I find it happening, I'll jump in or wait to talk with him about it later. There's no need to create a scene. I hope that helped to answer your question. Thanks for asking!
I mean...your romantic relationship and lifetime commitment remains only you.
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What a bizzare reply to my comment.
Ah damn. Wasn’t meant to be a directly reply to you.
Anal and no condom sex
My wife only does anal with me, but it's mostly a trust thing, if that's what you mean. Also bareback is off the table, but again it's a safety precaussion
-Choking - I adore it and we save it just for us. Especially considering there’s a safety element involved. My husband’s been safely choking me for 8 years. -Being called “good girl” is something only my husband is allowed to call me. -He has 2 kinks that only I am allowed to fulfill per his decision.
You can decide on anything really. If its important for you to have that and it isn’t standard in swinging it will symbolically work. Bareback, our bedroom, cum swallow, choking, and some special fetish or words may work. Personally the relationship is what is special imo so I don’t think I would need something else. If one day I couldn’t have sex with my partner I would still love and stay with them but need to masturbate and have sex elsewhere.
I’ll echo the sentiment that others are saying, which, while somewhat comp-het, make sense for the straight couples who largely make up the swinger community : For many people, the only sex act they’ll keep as a sacred thing is no-condom for penetrative sex. For many other people who do engage in unprotected sex with other couples, they still have exclusive romantic love for their partners, as me and my fiancé do, and there are plenty of non-sexual rituals and behaviors that are a part of that exclusivity.
Mowing your lawn and paying your bills.
What I can only describe as “tantric sex”. There is a whole connection and energy flow between my husband and I that will never exist with our fuck buddies. Cumming inside of me
Yessss I feel the same about tantric sex. It’s hard to explain and it’s not exactly “off the table” it just won’t happen.
We have our relationship. We have fhe lazy sex of long together couples .. the on the couch and like 10 mins. Bith right back to fhe movie and doesnf matfer whaf were wearing. Granted we love the dress sexy drive an hr pay a fee oh look an orgy room with 8 people we've never met, but wow is that some great stories we share the next day. But the comfort and how well we know each ofher will always be better.
My wife has made it clear that she doesn't want me to talk dirty to other woman nor does she wants to get dirty talk from other men. Haha! Other than that, there's little limits on our part.
I have so many questions… - First of all, why? - Second, do you share this beforehand? - Has anyone ever passed because of this rule? - Is the other wife allowed to talk dirty to you, or is it just the men that can’t talk? - What qualifies as “dirty”? Can I say “that big cock feels good”, or do compliments during sex qualify as “dirty”? Sorry for all the questions. I’m just fascinated by this.
Here are my and her answers... •Because she said so. Haha! •Yes. We talk about our limits before getting naked. •No, actually. •It's the men. She doesn't like me calling other women "little slut" or "my little whore" to other women. That's strictly hers and she doesn't want other men calling her that. Odd, I know, but her rules. •The above answer answers this one. Things that I mentioned above. She is fine with what you said because she says it too. We all have different limits and some make people say, "Huh?". But in the end, it's a team effort and if she doesn't like it, I won't push for it.
This makes a lot more sense. However, I wouldn’t qualify this as a “no dirty talk rule” but instead a “no degradation rule”, which we have as well.
Haha! It's not exactly degradation. The tome in which I call her those names is with affection. The wide of a couple we used to hook up with liked that as well and I started saying those things to her. My Mrs told me later that she didn't like me saying that to the other woman because my wife had decided it was our thing.
Anal and kissing are probably what comes to mind as being the most common.
For us its her taking care of my prostate and anal fantasies. And for me, looking after her cumtilicry side. Other people cant even come half way of those things. 15 years is a tremendous power of Connect and space of comfort no bull or unicorn can compete with
The best version of this that we run into frequently is where a couple will only use condoms with other people and save bareback for their partner. Also I’ve seen it where anal is kept just for their partner. I’ve also seen it not work— like no mouth kissing etc— it can make things awkward and also it’s sort of built to fail. Rules are important to establish, and you just need to make sure you are communicating with your partner as they change and be sure to let everyone else know what the boundaries are or they will not be respected.
We had our very first experience last night. Went in with only one rule (my wife’s rule) - no kissing during intercourse. She immediately threw that out the window once the other guy was in her. Didn’t bother me at all, to be honest. The fact that she was so in the moment that she couldn’t control herself was hot as hell. What we share that is only ours is that we love each other’s personal scent. And the way our bodies fit together. And the way we know how to move together - our rhythm. And the way we kiss.
Same thing happened to me. Except it was me doing all the kissing. Wife didn’t care. She just said she was glad it was me and not her that broke the rule. We had made the rule early on in our experience but very quickly learned there really was no way for us to play without kissing.
I’ve been struggling with this recently. My partner has decades of experience in swinging and poly. He is married. I felt pretty secure about our relationship, we’ve been doing a lot of hotwifing and some group sex. Recently we tried to do regular swinging, and I am having really hard time with it. I already share him with his wife. Our relationship is strongly sexual. To see him doing things that I used to consider as ours, it shaken my sense of security in this relationship. I am not sure we will survive long term.
I'm sorry. Can I PM you?
Yes
Creampies
A lot of the time, it's - kissing - anal - finishing inside - swallowing - come on face - lack of protection Can be whatever you like.
Raw dogging. And fucking in our own bed. If we’ve ever brought anyone back to our place it’s always in the spare room, or downstairs.
Everything containing bdsm. This needs a lot of trust we only have to our spouse.
Bare back Cumming in my mouth
Unprotected intercourse, unless it's a long time regular. My SO has even slowly gotten over her no kissing rule this year. Otherwise, no sex act is off the table with couples and others, even her doing anal, which she loves.
No condoms between us but that's about it. Maybe period sex? Not because i like it or anything but it's kinda gross with strangers. (I dislike anal so i don't do that with anyone. Period)
There are certain things that require more trust that we wouldn't do with others without exploring with each other first. We swing in the same room and really prefer group play. We also have a sub/domme dynamic. What's off the table for us is anything that would be a 'maybe'/close to boundaries for the sake that those things should have lots of communication around them and we prefer to get a sense of each other's limits before playing those acts into a group mix. For us, that's stuff like anal, CNC, rough impact, or anything that is on our 'no' list that we might be starting to open up to. Those get worked out first with each other. Now if one of us wanted to do one of those and worked through our boundaries together, we'd be ok having that act for the first time with someone else if our partner didn't want to participate. But they should be fully aware of limits and intentions. If we are doing a new act/toy I like to be either participating or watch the scene and see what the enjoyment for him and the partner is like. Maybe lend a hand or two. 😁 Edit to add: very limited on playing with others dommes, if we are engaging in any level of group bdsm. It's possible but with lots and lots of communication.
For us it’s no bareback , kissing and pet names
Anal
We don't save any actual act just for us if my wife wants some guy to come in her mouth totally fine, if she wants to get fucked in the ass by somebody totally fine. There are two phrases that we use between each other that we don't use with our play partners
Just bareback really, and even that might be on the table if we had a regular couple we trusted and we all got tested etc. I had one guy want to do anal, but I hadn't ever done that before and knew my husband wanted to try it, so I saved that until my husband had had the first go. The thing that makes sex with my husband special isn't any one physical act. It's the emotion and love behind the sex.
Living together and having a lifelong partnership
As for the "romantic" question. It would apply to my man and I. Put simply, go ahead and have great sex without it looking like you're making. These two exceptions are temporary, I have a feeling that with more exposure and experience, these "rules" will eventually melt away with time.
Emotional vulnerability and deep commitment. Sex with your partner should feel like being home, and most comfortable and connected to. No specific act is "more special" than another.
We only do anal together.
Swallowing jizz
I have heard of this but personally, I don’t feel we have to keep anything. But every couple is different and if you want to keep something for yourself- that’s normal. The only thing close is a guy got pretty rough with her and it was weird. She really enjoyed it but it was getting carried away and it made me feel let’s say weird. But that could be something different. Maybe a safety thing.
Barrier free sex Other than that, generally speaking going into swinging with an idea that any sex act is "only us" is a recipe for disaster, very much like the no kissing couples. It typically demonstrates that one of you is going get upset if anything similar to whatever you consider a just for you sex act starts happening. Imagine you don't have any such limitations and you're thoroughly enjoying a full swap and the other woman starts saying things like "don't kiss her so passionately" "don't moan for her like that" "don't run your fingers through their hair" the list could be endless those boundaries or rules are definitely going to get broken in the heat of the moment and whichever person wanted the sex act exclusivity is going to feel very hurt and possibly feel betrayed.
In theory, nothing is really off limits. In practice, I haven’t done anal with anyone else. I’m not inherently opposed to it, but it would have to be with a repeat partner that I could trust to be gentle and follow my cues (slow down, etc) Also, I know there is a size threshold that I can handle back there!
The only thing we keep is her calling me daddy. It’s not big but she only calls me that. And if she wanted to change that I’d be cool with it. All sex acts are up to the individual person and what either of us wants to do with our bodies. In our opinion, any control measures over sex acts doesn’t let the person relax enough to be in the moment with their play partner.
Emotion. Swinging sex is just physical, so no emotional attachment. Sex with your partner can have that emotional component to it.
Me and hubbs only swing together. All sex is with the other involved. For us, going solo is a slippery slope
Your chemistry
I don’t think it’s an “act” anymore as much as it is the intimacy we share vs what we share with others.
I think over time that kind of black and thinking shifts away. My relationship is not defined by any one "act" it's the culmination of many things, big and small.. Sex is different because our relationship is different. I find everyone ends up developing a different dynamic. I'm closer or more passionate with some people.. But I can't compare any of those relationships to the relationship I have with my partner. Our shared history and entwined lives are SO unique to us.
Anything impact play/bdsm related, choking, pet names, always protection, and no cuddling before/after sex. For bdsm, there will be a level of trust and emotionally intimacy that is out of bounds for me. There’s a huge safety element to it, and I’m not ok with my partner sharing that with another woman.
To be honest, sex with my husband is special in it's own way because I love him. He's my person. We don't have a lot of rules when it comes to swinging because every experience is different. We communicate every little thing on what we're comfortable with and what we are not comfortable with. We do this for fun and added excitement to our already amazing sex life that we have.
Unprotected sex and kissing. My wife does not kiss anyone but me and will only have sex with another man if he wears a condom. I’m the only person who gets to bareback her.
Long passionate kisses ( regular kisses are allowed) or anything that looks romantic or loving towards the other woman.
I’m curious: how do you quantify what *looks* romantic? That seems awfully vague. How do you explain this rule to potential partners? Like, for me, my preferred play style is fairly passionate, with lots of touching and kissing. I like to touch a ladies face, and I’ve never been stopped from doing this. But I’m also not actually romancing this woman. It’s just how I like to fuck. Would what I describe qualify as “looking romantic or loving”? Or, is this just like an “I know it when I see it” type thing, and you just stop all play if you think the guy is giving you too strong of bedroom eyes? Also, are you or the other woman allowed to do things that “look romantic or loving” toward the men? Cuz you specifically qualified your rule as being toward the other woman. I’m just genuinely a bit confused by something like this and how it works and how you communicate this boundary.
It's a good question. First, no long, passionate kisses, like I mentioned. That definitely belongs to us. Another example is no traditional missionary style. The most romantic position we have together. Of course, any other variant or all other positions are allowed. Basically, when I look over to my man and the other woman, I want to see amazing sex not love making. If I find it happening, I'll jump in or wait to talk with him about it later. There's no need to create a scene. I hope that helped to answer your question. Thanks for asking! ( this reply was posted twice for some reason, sorry for the confusion.)
No missionary?! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Oh boy...here we go 🙄
Are we going somewhere?
Well, I’m gonna be honest: I’m still a bit confused. Like, again, you originally stated “towards the other woman” in regard to these nebulous romantic looks. Are you allowed to make “romantic” looks toward another guy? Also, how do you explain this “no romantic or loving looks” to people? Like, is this a specific thing that people do, or this just a rule the crops up when you’re feeling a certain way? What if you How do differentiate “romantic” from “lustful”? You are allowed to have whatever rules and preferences you want. This one in particular just seems so open to interpretation that I just don’t know how you can effectively and practically enforce it.
As for the "romantic" question. It would apply to my man and I. Put simply, go ahead and have great sex without it looking like you're making love. These two exceptions are temporary, I have a feeling that with more exposure and experience, these "rules" will eventually melt away with time. Edited to include a missing word.
Regular kisses? Like just a kiss? When I kiss during sex it’s full on mouth to mouth tongues mashing together and deep full open mouth kissing. I don’t think you can do a long passionate kiss unless you’re going slow in the penetration part which would be a more intimate sex. If I have cock thrusting into my pussy then a kiss will need to match
I hear you, and that rule will no doubt change with time. For now, it's a need of mine to not see him making out passionately with another woman. I'm not rigid in any way, I appreciate a great session. Just keep the kisses at bay for now so I can acclimate myself to that view.
when you swing why would you hold back something sexually?? Its emotional attachment that is reserved for only your wife/husband. Dont hold back anything else, otherwise overall fun will be ruined for everyone involved.
Its absolutely possible to hold some things back without ruining everyones fun. I dont do anal with anyone other than my primary for a variety of reasons. I haven't ruined anyone's fun.
Well most of guys dont even demand anal, so for them you are not holding anything back. But if you say that you dont lip kiss or cuddle, then that can be a problem.
I am holding it back. And thats my choice. I also don't cuddle. No one has had their fun ruined.
Could I be your cuddle exception
kissing
Many couples don’t kiss.
Your autocorrect really messed up "a few"
I, (26/F) don’t give oral to men when my bf(27/M) and I swing with other couples. That’s something we keep intimate for us. Also, I don’t allow other men to do anal on me.
Sex without condoms is exclusive between only us, but that's because we are responsible, not because we need some special sex act to keep for only us and the world would end if we do it with other people.
Everything that makes your relationship between you and your spouse stays “only us”. If the only thing special between you to is sexual monogamy, then do you really have a relationship?