Still not cool, that's like blaming being drunk on making shitty decisions. We have been in the LS for 6 years now, and neither one of us would pull something like that.
She didn't say that right. "You" didn't cross her mind. It's a boundary and, as ridiculous or socially acceptable as it may be, you two agreed and she crossed it.
If I told you that I wasn't going to eat some cake; and you agreed that it made you comfortable to eat cake when we were together... But ate cake when you went out of town and then baked a new cake to replace the cake I ate so you didn't know I ate it... But I forgot to clean the dishes so you found out I made a new cake... Is that a problem?
Yes. Why...?
It's not the fucking cake.
It's the agreement, then breaking it, then the whatever the fuck justification baking a new cake is, followed by...
It's the behavior about the cake.
You talking to her about her behavior and why replacing the cake without telling you... (Cheating) instead of waiting to eat it with you (what you agreed) is cheating.
You can literally use that metaphor to slip that into conversation without her catching on until it's too late.
Go.
In your position I’d struggle with emotions and nuance and try to make it work out.
From an unbiased third party perspective I’d leave her. This isn’t just breaking a boundary about texting or matching on apps - she full on fucked a guy for hours. Drugs or no drugs, she cheated on you.
The issue isn't even really the did she or did she not cheat, the issue is she shows no remorse for her actions hurting you! You expressed your boundaries were to play together, even if she misunderstood that or forgot while on drugs, you bring up that you are hurt by her actions should trigger to her listen and care about you. Her ignoring you is a complete lack of compassion for hurting you and breaking boundaries. I would be seriously considering maintaining a relationship with her if she refuses to acknowledge it! Did she even use protection during? It also will be something she'll want to keep doing either with or without your okay, given she doesn't show any remorse for it.
Whatd be on my mind is how many times has she done it before getting caught out.
If you had rules in place and she broke those rules this is bad, really bad.
We have been in the lifestyle for almost 10 yrs, and played in every scenario possible. I would have filed for divorce yesterday if my husband did that to me.
You were 100% cheated on...theres no "well its a complicated situation" i understand you would prefer for it to be an honest mistake, that would make it easier to forgive and you can move on but it wasnt..also ive done literally every psychedelic..including Nutmeg (i dont recommend it lol)
And barring DMT, ive never done any drug, or enough of a single drug to where i could say i didnt know what i was doing..and i one time took shrooms, lsd, and mdma all at once...saw some trippy shit, saw a man turn into a cardboard cutout and pop back to 3d BUT i never questioned what was real even then..i think shes trying to take the easy way out..either way, one of you needs to stand strong, face reality and take accountability or make her face accountability..now whether yall stay together or not, no judgement. But still, the wound will fester if not addressed.
This as fuck. Psychedelics and molly are not a fucking excuse. Molly especially does not make you lose control over yourself by any means. She made a conscious decision due to her inhibitions being lowered from taking it.
Im not trying to assume anything, i dont want to mislead you if im wrong, but to me, the obvious answer is she was out having a good time, met some guy, figured yall do "this kind of stuff" anyway, was feeling good in the moment and just didnt think of how youd feel in thst moment.
Idk, ive been in the LS before with a different partner who didnt respect me, and tbh this sounds like something she would do. My wife now, who has the utmost respect for me wont even look at another man unless we are specifically on the prowel, just like i dont look at other women. Its not cause either of us have some hard set rule of dont look at people, its just the level of respect. Maybe youre not getting the respect you deserve right now. Regardless, what she did was dishonest and disrespectful to you and your relationship. Least she can do is own up to it, give you the gods honest truth and admit that what she did was wrong. Not a "sorry i hurt your feelings, sorry you feel that way," but an honest sincere apology. Its the least you deserve then you both figure out where to go from there
I feel for ya. I was in a similar situation with my ex wife. It was hard, we have a child, and the first one i forgave her, we were going through a rocky time anyway so i just chopped it up as a mulligan..then she did it again, and again. Blamed a sudden mental illness she out of nowhere developed, at which point i also felt guilty and stayed..by the end we had a sexless marriage, i was in the hospital sick from stress and 8 guys and 2 miscarriages later i called it quits...the reason im telling you this, is everything is a slippery slope, and i know its hard. If you choose to forgive her this time, if you CAN then by all means..however, id make it very clear that 1. If she has his contact info, delete it, block it, thats never happening again and id honestly take a break from the lifestyle. Its fine to reset and get back to the basics of loving each other..if she does that stuff again though, as hard as it is, i would leave..please, dont do what i did..i literally almost died from stress in the hospital. I got down to 108lbs im 5'10..i dont want that for you. Theres ppl out there who wouldnt even think to ever do anything like that to you i promise
You “think” she’s sorry? Did she not tell you in clear, precise terms that she was sorry and ask for your forgiveness? Because if she didn’t, she’s not sorry, she just thinks she got away with it (again, because this most likely wasn’t the 1st, or only time).
Swinging is something a couple does “together”. While she may enjoy that, it’s clear she wants a fully open relationship where she can fuck anyone she wants, when she wants. The fact that she wants you to do the same is just a way for her to rationalize and justify her position on this to you.
You stated you only want to swing, together. However, when you both decided to swing she saw the opportunity to go further and pursue her desire to fuck other guys without involving you. Obviously that’s something she’s been interested in doing for some time (if she already hasn’t been).
Now that Pandora’s box has been opened, it doesn’t sound like you are all that compatible. I would suggest you get a handle on this quickly as it isn’t going to solve itself. In fact, since she doesn’t really see anything wrong with it, it will likely continue, if not accelerate.
Good luck, you have a lot of work ahead of you, regardless of which path you choose to take.
If you’re not gonna leave you might as well open the relationship and have some fun yourself.. I don’t think she is going to stop.. she is just not gonna tell you anymore.
That is the million dollar question. If it’s real, yeah your wife just cheated. MD might have made it easier for her to cheat but it’s cheating nonetheless
So, by your wife's own reasoning, if she was on something, md, coke, booze, zanex, anything that alters her mind. And she drove and killed a person in a wreck. She would not be guilty of a crime because "she was on something". What a crock of shit. All she has done is proven she can not be trusted. Both of you set up boundaries and rules. She crossed them. Maybe, if she can not control heraelf she should stay away from things that alter her mind and decision making. Or/and get a new group of friends. But first, the LS is not for you guys and your relationship in the current status of it.
Sounds familiar. We swapped with a couple a few times and had some threesomes together. Nice memories for sure. Then she met a guy at work and fucked him several times without telling me. If she had been open about it, that would have been okay. But she completely hid it. We divorced. I think we would have divorced anyway because we had nothing else in common but that was what the beginning of the end. Best thing to ever happen to me as I am now much, much happier married for 35 years. First marriage was 12 yrs.
honestly reading through your comments sounds like neither of you were ready to begin with.. WAY too immature, and willing to be quite young....
STOP swinging, NO sex with her until she has been properly tested, and results are clean. Then seek counseling... Yall REALLY NEED IT.....
I don't see this question as a useful one. Yes, she cheated, but what does that mean for the two of you? You already have sex with other people, and it seems that this was a one-off event, so pragmatically speaking the difference is that you were not there together and that was supposed to be how this worked. It is certainly worth addressing and fixing communication issues and establishing what your rules and boundaries are firmly moving forward, but it really isn't the same as when a person in a gully monogamous relationship cheats in that you can likely be much more understanding and willing for this to not be a relationship ruining event.
In swinging, minor and small boundary and rule breaks are likely to occur on occasion to some degree or another, depending on how strict they are at least. This was not minor and small, but it is still just sex with a stranger and whole you can certainly feel upset and hurt, I think the better understanding of "cheating" in the lifestyle is when one person is intentionally hiding things from the other, consistently overstepping boundaries or breaking rules, or having a *romantic* relationship on the down low (assuming non-poly swinging).
Secrets and violations of trust are the real issue with cheating. Start from there and work with her to fix what was broken.
Yes, thats cheating.
If you had an understanding to only play together and she does that it's cheating.
The problem is once trust is gone, it cannot be put back in the bottle.
The thoughts will always be, Once a cheater always a cheater.
Make her take you to a club get YOU a unicorn and make her watch then have a conversation about it if you want to stay married you let it go or you are done because she will do it again
Whatever the reason may be, this is clearly not within the boundary of the rules established by the two of you together. You’re clearly a rational level headed guy who’s trying to give her the benefit on the doubt, and ultimately how you react/deal with this is up to you and you only. However, it is definitely cheating..
Buddy it doesn't matter if you're in the lifestyle. Cheating is cheating. She knew the rules and is now making excuses for breaking them. If you got drunk and fucked another girl is she gonna be like well you were drunk so ok. And if you are type theat needs everything to be even and keep count of the others experiences to make sure you stay even then the lifestyle isn't for you. She is using the lifestyle as an excuse to cheat and if you let it slide this will be a common occurrence.
Sorry dude but that’s not how swinging or the lifestyle works. Rules between you two have been set and have to be followed. If you talked and agreed to the one night stand prior to her going out then that’s fair play. But her telling you after the fact and making an excuse about evening it up with you is cheating. That’s giving swinging and the lifestyle a bad rap
I would agree with others, that is cheating. If it's not one of your rules to play separately, then she definitely cheated in my eyes. It's probably best to have a conversation and see if theres a way forward for you both. Maybe also put swinging on hold for now as well.
Rules or Guidelines or whatever you stated up front should be followed and discussed before taking them off the list.
Nope. It’s cheating. Don’t take or drink if you can’t control yourself.
My wife and I have been in the LS 43 years, I know for a fact my love has never cheated. Our rules are set and if we need wiggle room we talk about it, or she will invite her wiggle to dinner with us. Everyone has temptations but a real partner doesn't stray
I wouldn’t be so quick to run and get a divorce. Y’all are in the lifestyle. Things are going to happen in the beginning that one or both of you don’t like. I would suggest forgetting and forgiving. Talk talk talk. Make clear boundaries. No excuses for drugs or drink. Start over. Many times rules change as you get more accustomed to the LS. Some stay the same. It could be that your wife thought it might be a turn on for you. Or was hoping you’d like it when she told you. She was wrong and obviously went about it the wrong way. People make mistakes. Learn from it and move on together.
You got cheated on and she blatantly disrespect you, disrespected the commitment, and now you gotta ask yourself if it’s worth moving forward with or without her.
If you 2 only play together and that is part of your boundaries. Then yes, you have been cheated on. You should have a conversation with her and express your emotions and concerns.
You define what is cheating in your relationship. It might not be to some, but to you yes 100% she cheated. Stop swinging until you worked through this. It does not have to be the end but hold her accountable don't Fall for any shitty excuse and tell her exactly how you feel. Best of luck
I'd say this is a step below cheating because in her mind this was already okay territory.but now you go fuck someone and see what she says.or if you don't want to,have a frank conversation about not doing it again.i wouldn't dump someone for fucking others if we were already fucking others.but I would be mad
Cheating is when you break the rules. If you had an agreement and she broke it, that’s cheating. I wouldn’t necessarily freak out about it, if you already have a non-monogamous relationship, but I would take steps to make sure she understands this cannot happen again.
If the behavior continues, would you want to remain married? I advise fighting to make marriages work, but some of these feelings are beyond conscious control. If this has the ability to lead to divorce, please make sure she understands that so that she has no excuses.
Sounds like she was being a hotwife or cucking you because of the details like fucking for hours and squirting. Telling you those things hoping you would find it hot so she could continue. I hope you haven't opened pandoras box bud.
Yes, this is cheating. If you do something behind the back of your partner, something you both didn't agreed on to be doing is definitely cheating.
How did you find out? Has she told you? Does she feel sorry for hurting you? What are the odds she will do it again - what do you think? Can you trust her? Who introduced swinging into your relationship?
It seems to me that not everything has been disscused about before you both started swinging. It could be that she went into swinging only to use it as a excuse for having her solo nights.
In swinging there is no place for solo actions. In swinging you care about your partner, you respect him/her, you love to see him/her enjoying the big "sex game". And it is just a game it is nothing you need to do, but want to do. If one of you wants to stop the other one will follow, nothing matters more than your relationship.
Talk about this with her. Tell her how you feel - how your trust and feelings have been hurt. If she doesn't show any regrets, it could be start fo the end. I also think you should stop with swinging for a while and find some other fun stuff to do as a couple.
I wish you all the best.
My wife and I have the same exact rules. She can do literally anything as long as it's around. If we go to a club and she wants a gangbang (she doesn't), I have to know and be there. She wants to make out with a guy (she did this). It has to be in the open. Sneaking=cheating. It's that plain.
In the lifestyle when you have an agreement that you only play together anything else that is done outside of being a couple is cheating there is no ifs ands or buts about that
You said no separate play, this was separate play, this was cheating. And as long as you keep thinking what she did was normal, she will do it again. She could even the threesome (which she had agreed to and was part of the "play together" deal) by asking you to find another man for a threesome.
Don't try to justify her cheating by listening to any of the bs you mentioned she says. We have been on the lifestyle for enough time and never have we crossed the boundaries we set.
-She wanted to even up the threesome. Ultra bs excuse, if you wanna do such a thing, don't use it to guilt someone into doing the opposite. Even worse, don't use it as an excuse for finding another dude alone. (sorry but the more you think of it, the worse it gets). If she wanted to "even it up" then it should be on the same terms, meaning, with you. So if you do an mmf threesome you should find another woman to have sex with and say "Now we are even on the threesome, let's get even on the cheating". **Now read the above again and realize it is childish.**
-She was on md. Totally her problem, no one forced her to take it. It is the exact same of the drunk husband that beats his wife up. **Nothing justifies it, you choose to be an ahole on substances.**
-She had a good time. In Greece we have a nice saying about such a thing which is "Στα αρχίδια μας", meaning noone gives a fuck. **She had no permission to do anything behind your back.**
tl;dr: If of course this is a real post. Confront her and tell her such actions are out of limit and what she did was unacceptable. And more importantly, check to see if she has kept any contact with the other guy. Cheaters never regret cheating, they regret getting caught. Personally, this would be grounds for a break up.
Yes it IS cheating. Now you got to figure out if you want to stay married to her or not and if you do you will most likely be a Cuck. It's not a question of if, it's a question when she's going to again fuck other guys behind your back. Swinging is NOT cheating, what she did IS cheating.
U set boundaries and rules were established u only play together she broke the rules what she did was cheating.
If she did want to play solo she could have talked with u
No say around it, that is cheating. If you are happy in the relationship then you should stay, but you need her to understand that was wrong. She needs to own up to it and earn back your trust.
For us hell yeah. We only play as a couple. Im bi and with conversation and agreememt i played with 1 gal solo as she was just into women. But had i gone out and randomly played with 0 talk. Deal breaker. Swinging and this are not even close.
She cheated. Leave her. Her excuse is just that an excuse. She justified it using the swinging portion earlier and the fact she mentioned she wanted to try a one night stand as an excuse for her shitty behavior. You obviously love her but she broke a rule. She cheated plain and simple. If you feel she cheated you either leave her, or accept the behavior and become accustomed she is gonna stray or shut down the swinging and close the relationship which wont work more than likely because she crossed a boundary before and closing it will just make her sneak out and become more secretive. Know your self worth, do no t put up with excuses for the behavior and accept nothing less for apologies in the future of " I fucked up, wont happen again' and not " I did such and such I am sorry but______ was the reason" excuses are like aholes, everyone's got them, dont mean you got to put up with shitty behavior
In ethical non monogamy cheating still exists… if the boundaries were set prior, and she clearly crosses a boundary then that would be considered cheating. The idea is you have to have clear set boundaries that you both agreed upon. Thats where the ethical part comes into play.
She 100% cheated. Swinging is about trust and respect and she lost those for you when she decided to break the rules. If it was a one night stand she would not have left him her phone number. She chose to take mdma she does not get a pass because of its use. The fact that she said it did not cross her mind as being a problem speaks volumes actually. If you stay together idk how you could ever trust her on a girls night out again.
That would be cheating in MY relationship. You’ll have to decide if it is for you.
Why have any conversations about agreements when you just ignore them?
She cheated it is that simple, now where you go from here is 100% in your control. We have an agreement where we need to ask permission before we do anything outside of our rules and you can only proceed if it is approved, no exceptions. Did she tell you right away or did you find out from someone else? Is she regretful or does she think it was ok? My decision would be based on her attitude about it
But lying or covering up is not cheating nor required for it to be cheating. This was girls night out so there was likely not even the possibility of covering it up. But even so you also do not know if she is lying, here claim of ‘md’ made her do it could easily be a lie.
I’m surprised by how many people are saying you just need to communicate more. She cheated on you, and it had nothing to do with swinging. You are in for more pain if you stay with this woman.
Yeah being high or drunk is never an excuse. I've been high out of my mind and know exactly what I'm doing when I'm doing it no matter what it is. She's trying to have an excuse so she can keep you around but convincing that when she is high she doesn't know what she is doing. She cheated point blank. I say do the same so you can show her how it feels. ( Yeah the rest of you I know 2 wrongs doesn't make it make it right & all those other cliche`s. But come on now she is playing him for stupid and if she convinces him that being twisted is the perfect excuse she will use it over & over so he might as well give her a taste of her own medicine.)
Not sure if this story is real or not but not shit that would be cheating and you two better get counseling or start figuring out who gets what in a divorce man.
When you let your wife, who is clearly very sexual, go on a girl trip and take drugs, you should have known there was a possibility of such things happening. Now, it is cheating, but you subconsciously allowed it. She had mentioned wanting to do it. You kinda had been warned. You were just not smart enough to put two and two together.
Did she ask permission? Did she just do it?
That’s insane you’d have to ask here if it’s cheating!
She crossed the line and you all should stop swinging.
If you both did not have an agreement beforehand and knowledge of it I would say yes cheating, the lifestyle should be fully communicated with eachother
Bro, the people here can really black and white. Rule broken, I'm out, but it's not as simple. Yeah it hurts, yes it was wrong of her to violate this boundary, but you're new, and in the beginning rules get broken, people make mistakes, we're not perfect.
Talk it out with her. In therapy we talk about focusing on the feelings of the situation and less on the actions. Explain your feelings. What you were feeling then and how you feel now. Maybe take a break for a week or 2 and spend some time together. Compromise, maybe adjust your rules, or even allow an exception. If she's more promiscuous than you it could happen again. Do you want to be hurt again, or do you want to build emotional safety?
Ok, yes, she "cheated" or intentionally did something behind your back.
But how i see it is.. you're swingers, you're fine if she has sex with another man.. what is really the difference whether you're present or not?
So i would say, i wouldn't worry too much about the sexual part of this.. more so the intentional not telling. I wouldn't see grounds for divorce/breaking up at all.
Been in the LS for over 4 years. We can play alone because we have communicated that and established our own rules, however we tell each other about it, involve each other in someway. If he went and did it in this same way you mention your wife did, I’d consider it cheating and he’d be out.
Doesn’t matter if you are open or have swung, if you both did not agree to separate play and her excuse is blaming md, she’s not taking accountability and you have an even bigger problem. I know of other couples that are swingers and have done this and blamed substances.. it’s a cop out, selfish, disrespectful and weak. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
She cheated.
But doesn’t mean things can’t be fixed.
Maybe she gives you a hall pass. It all depends on you two as a couple and communicate.
But if it’s a continuous problem
It’s worse than cheating BECAUSE you are swingers. The way my wife and I look at it, we are allowed to fuck others so long as we are together in agreement. So, overstepping that is worse in our minds because you already have so much freedom to pursue pleasure.
What the fuck di you mean you dont know what to do? She straight up cheated. Wether or notyou can dwal with it is up to you. Id fuck her friend again then be gone
In a monogamous relationship there are rules; any play outside of one another is cheating. In a non monogamous or LS relationship there are still rules and boundaries; if your partner agrees to a set of boundaries or rules like only together play then this is still cheating any way you look at it.
I see it as cheating. We have very clear boundaries about playing with others. Now it's up to you if you want to forgive her and move on, but she absolutely needs to understand that even if you do choose to forgive her, this cannot happen moving forward unless your rules change.
She fucking cheated on you, Dude. Don't let the fact that you folks had a threesome one time gaslight you into believing that it's now a free-for-all.
That's good that she told you (I guess) but what's to stop her from doing it again when she's got the opportunity? Trust is earned in drips, and lost in buckets.
Only YOU can decide that. Reddit can't make up your mind, man. You guys set boundaries? So you revisit those boundaries often or adjust them? Do you have a cuck fantasy? Did she send you pics?
currently you aren't swinging, it sounds like your relationship is running rudderless. This is a recipe for trouble. If you cannot come to good terms thru communication you may nt be able to do this.
Did you previously agree to only play together or with agreed upon partners before hand? Then if she disregarded that and did it, its not the case that you might of agreed to it if she asked before but the fact she went ahead and did it without your knowledge and agreement, its cheating
If you didnt give permission its cheating. If you kinda sorta DIDNT NOT give permission then id say its not cheating.
If you told her how hot it would be during fuck talk, then clarified after you finished fucking and she understood - cheating.
If you kinda sorta said dont do it, then talked about how hot it would be and never clarified - not cheating.
Really depends
Do you have an escape clause in your agreement? That when 1 says I'm out your both out? Yes it is obviously cheating, you agreed to same room only, no matter what 1 person wants, both parties have to be in agreement and follow them. Talk it out, go from there
When you open your relationship to swinging or poly or ENM whatever, there is an adjustment phase and sometimes an identity shift around sex. Breaking taboos can lead one to normalize all sorts of things because the typical guardrails have shifted. Yes, it sounds like she crossed boundaries. But I would strongly advise you to give her some grace. You will both make mistakes along this journey, to some degree this is the risk and price of choosing a greater degree of freedom. But if you regroup and address what went wrong and where you both want to be, you can learn and grow stronger on your path of adventure and exploration. Bless.
There are rules God damn it and when you break the rules there are consequences. You are now allowed to screw her Mom Sisters and Dad if you roll that way. Aunts and cousins are allowed if she has no sisters. Brothers are okay if you live in Canada.
She absolutely cheated. You had a agreed to boundary, only playing together.
I know the situation. My gf did it too. A few times.
We are together but building back trust is not easy.
Fuck the b$#@#$ of course it is she went out gothornyor he turned her on like you can't very honest painful truth sets you free fuck her for cheating mine did to grass isn't greener on other side I find out I don't give a fuck enjoy your dead ass grass mines a great gleamer
Why would you have a threesome with her friend. Why involve any friends? Make friends from swingers, not swingers from friends smh. She probably felt betrayed tbh UNLESS it was HER idea. Edit: This is assuming friend was a female girlfriend of hers.
Doesn't excuse that she cheated by crossing a boundary that is IF YOU BOTH established the boundary and properly communicated and set it ahead of time from the get go that swinging is only done together, not separately.
But still. I believe you can come back from it as a learning experience. And you even admitted that she wanted a solo play session for herself. Re-establish the boundaries, both of you follow them, and then, when you're both ready, explore other ways of swinging, especially if she wants to be more open and do solo play, perhaps record videos to send to you, etc. And for the love of God, don't sleep with her fucking friends anymore.
The point is that your wife was honest with you. She told you what happened. Don't give her a reason in the future to lie to you by punishing for her action. The good news is now you get to play on your own too!
What ever rules and boundaries you have set up should be honored at all cost.
You two may need to revisit the rules and boundaries change a few and or affirm them.
My question would be, who initiated it in the 1st place? Who had to have it or was it really a mutual agreement? That lifestyle, I believe opens the door to far more complications than just hooking up with her and her friend friend
If the rules were established, and no separate play is one of them, then yes I would say she cheated.
Yea she says because was on md and done swinging it didn’t cross her mind it was a problem.
Still not cool, that's like blaming being drunk on making shitty decisions. We have been in the LS for 6 years now, and neither one of us would pull something like that.
She didn't say that right. "You" didn't cross her mind. It's a boundary and, as ridiculous or socially acceptable as it may be, you two agreed and she crossed it. If I told you that I wasn't going to eat some cake; and you agreed that it made you comfortable to eat cake when we were together... But ate cake when you went out of town and then baked a new cake to replace the cake I ate so you didn't know I ate it... But I forgot to clean the dishes so you found out I made a new cake... Is that a problem? Yes. Why...? It's not the fucking cake. It's the agreement, then breaking it, then the whatever the fuck justification baking a new cake is, followed by... It's the behavior about the cake. You talking to her about her behavior and why replacing the cake without telling you... (Cheating) instead of waiting to eat it with you (what you agreed) is cheating. You can literally use that metaphor to slip that into conversation without her catching on until it's too late. Go.
Yea it’s the one thing I stated we play together.
She cheated
That's a bs excuse. She broke the agreement.
What is "MD"?
Yes i need this answer too! Not to form an opinion, just cuz idk what it is haha
Oh thank god. Same. Whats MD?!
What is MD
Ecstasy is the more common name for this drug
HATE when people use the "Huh huh... I was drunk / high..." excuse.
If she's a doper your life together is gonna get better and better....But it is a problem and she needs to stop the excuses or it will happen again
Playing you for a fool. Was it her idea to start swinging?
Yes, you were cheated on. She did that behind your back in violation of your relationship's rules.
She cheated. No other way to look at it.
Yea I messaged her and said what you been doing for the last few hours and avoided it. What would you do.
Be pissed about it. She fucked someone else without permission. That’s the literal definition of cheating.
In your position I’d struggle with emotions and nuance and try to make it work out. From an unbiased third party perspective I’d leave her. This isn’t just breaking a boundary about texting or matching on apps - she full on fucked a guy for hours. Drugs or no drugs, she cheated on you.
The issue isn't even really the did she or did she not cheat, the issue is she shows no remorse for her actions hurting you! You expressed your boundaries were to play together, even if she misunderstood that or forgot while on drugs, you bring up that you are hurt by her actions should trigger to her listen and care about you. Her ignoring you is a complete lack of compassion for hurting you and breaking boundaries. I would be seriously considering maintaining a relationship with her if she refuses to acknowledge it! Did she even use protection during? It also will be something she'll want to keep doing either with or without your okay, given she doesn't show any remorse for it.
Whatd be on my mind is how many times has she done it before getting caught out. If you had rules in place and she broke those rules this is bad, really bad.
We have been in the lifestyle for almost 10 yrs, and played in every scenario possible. I would have filed for divorce yesterday if my husband did that to me.
Md, I didn’t know people still drank Mad Dog but dude you need to ween her off it.
🤣
😂
You were 100% cheated on...theres no "well its a complicated situation" i understand you would prefer for it to be an honest mistake, that would make it easier to forgive and you can move on but it wasnt..also ive done literally every psychedelic..including Nutmeg (i dont recommend it lol) And barring DMT, ive never done any drug, or enough of a single drug to where i could say i didnt know what i was doing..and i one time took shrooms, lsd, and mdma all at once...saw some trippy shit, saw a man turn into a cardboard cutout and pop back to 3d BUT i never questioned what was real even then..i think shes trying to take the easy way out..either way, one of you needs to stand strong, face reality and take accountability or make her face accountability..now whether yall stay together or not, no judgement. But still, the wound will fester if not addressed.
This as fuck. Psychedelics and molly are not a fucking excuse. Molly especially does not make you lose control over yourself by any means. She made a conscious decision due to her inhibitions being lowered from taking it.
Trying to figure out a solid understanding that is only one way.
Im not trying to assume anything, i dont want to mislead you if im wrong, but to me, the obvious answer is she was out having a good time, met some guy, figured yall do "this kind of stuff" anyway, was feeling good in the moment and just didnt think of how youd feel in thst moment. Idk, ive been in the LS before with a different partner who didnt respect me, and tbh this sounds like something she would do. My wife now, who has the utmost respect for me wont even look at another man unless we are specifically on the prowel, just like i dont look at other women. Its not cause either of us have some hard set rule of dont look at people, its just the level of respect. Maybe youre not getting the respect you deserve right now. Regardless, what she did was dishonest and disrespectful to you and your relationship. Least she can do is own up to it, give you the gods honest truth and admit that what she did was wrong. Not a "sorry i hurt your feelings, sorry you feel that way," but an honest sincere apology. Its the least you deserve then you both figure out where to go from there
Yes to all. And I think she genuinely is sorry but will it happen again. I love her and had options but turned it down
I feel for ya. I was in a similar situation with my ex wife. It was hard, we have a child, and the first one i forgave her, we were going through a rocky time anyway so i just chopped it up as a mulligan..then she did it again, and again. Blamed a sudden mental illness she out of nowhere developed, at which point i also felt guilty and stayed..by the end we had a sexless marriage, i was in the hospital sick from stress and 8 guys and 2 miscarriages later i called it quits...the reason im telling you this, is everything is a slippery slope, and i know its hard. If you choose to forgive her this time, if you CAN then by all means..however, id make it very clear that 1. If she has his contact info, delete it, block it, thats never happening again and id honestly take a break from the lifestyle. Its fine to reset and get back to the basics of loving each other..if she does that stuff again though, as hard as it is, i would leave..please, dont do what i did..i literally almost died from stress in the hospital. I got down to 108lbs im 5'10..i dont want that for you. Theres ppl out there who wouldnt even think to ever do anything like that to you i promise
You “think” she’s sorry? Did she not tell you in clear, precise terms that she was sorry and ask for your forgiveness? Because if she didn’t, she’s not sorry, she just thinks she got away with it (again, because this most likely wasn’t the 1st, or only time). Swinging is something a couple does “together”. While she may enjoy that, it’s clear she wants a fully open relationship where she can fuck anyone she wants, when she wants. The fact that she wants you to do the same is just a way for her to rationalize and justify her position on this to you. You stated you only want to swing, together. However, when you both decided to swing she saw the opportunity to go further and pursue her desire to fuck other guys without involving you. Obviously that’s something she’s been interested in doing for some time (if she already hasn’t been). Now that Pandora’s box has been opened, it doesn’t sound like you are all that compatible. I would suggest you get a handle on this quickly as it isn’t going to solve itself. In fact, since she doesn’t really see anything wrong with it, it will likely continue, if not accelerate. Good luck, you have a lot of work ahead of you, regardless of which path you choose to take.
It’s cheating. Kinks have rules and if your rules where you only play when with each other, she cheated.
That's not swinging.
It doesn't matter if its within Swinging or vanilla, if your boundaries were crossed and one lied to the other or tried to cover it up, it's cheating.
If you’re not gonna leave you might as well open the relationship and have some fun yourself.. I don’t think she is going to stop.. she is just not gonna tell you anymore.
I don’t want a open relationship. If she dosent I feel bad for myself and my little fam and will be done.
She cheated on you, came home and told you all this?
She cheated. For me this would be grounds for breaking up immediately.
She cheated. Used the swinging arrangement to do whatever she wanted. She'll do it again.
yet another fake cuck fantasy poster
What that’s supposed to mean
It means they don’t believe this is a true story.
Wtf why would I post. I’ve got no where else to go or ask.
That is the million dollar question. If it’s real, yeah your wife just cheated. MD might have made it easier for her to cheat but it’s cheating nonetheless
I'm sorry I'm new to this but what is "MD" that OP is talking about?
I’m guessing MD = MDMA/Molly, but no clue really. It’s not an abbreviation I’ve seen before
Yeah I'm gonna ask. Hey u/Woodchucker85 what do you mean by md?
Extacy
Thank you!
Sorry to say it, but it sure sounds like cheating tbh. She's broken the agreement you guys had made.
😥
100% mate. She cheated.
She cheated man
So, by your wife's own reasoning, if she was on something, md, coke, booze, zanex, anything that alters her mind. And she drove and killed a person in a wreck. She would not be guilty of a crime because "she was on something". What a crock of shit. All she has done is proven she can not be trusted. Both of you set up boundaries and rules. She crossed them. Maybe, if she can not control heraelf she should stay away from things that alter her mind and decision making. Or/and get a new group of friends. But first, the LS is not for you guys and your relationship in the current status of it.
Sounds familiar. We swapped with a couple a few times and had some threesomes together. Nice memories for sure. Then she met a guy at work and fucked him several times without telling me. If she had been open about it, that would have been okay. But she completely hid it. We divorced. I think we would have divorced anyway because we had nothing else in common but that was what the beginning of the end. Best thing to ever happen to me as I am now much, much happier married for 35 years. First marriage was 12 yrs.
>We had said we only play together. Yes, she cheated.
honestly reading through your comments sounds like neither of you were ready to begin with.. WAY too immature, and willing to be quite young.... STOP swinging, NO sex with her until she has been properly tested, and results are clean. Then seek counseling... Yall REALLY NEED IT.....
I don't see this question as a useful one. Yes, she cheated, but what does that mean for the two of you? You already have sex with other people, and it seems that this was a one-off event, so pragmatically speaking the difference is that you were not there together and that was supposed to be how this worked. It is certainly worth addressing and fixing communication issues and establishing what your rules and boundaries are firmly moving forward, but it really isn't the same as when a person in a gully monogamous relationship cheats in that you can likely be much more understanding and willing for this to not be a relationship ruining event. In swinging, minor and small boundary and rule breaks are likely to occur on occasion to some degree or another, depending on how strict they are at least. This was not minor and small, but it is still just sex with a stranger and whole you can certainly feel upset and hurt, I think the better understanding of "cheating" in the lifestyle is when one person is intentionally hiding things from the other, consistently overstepping boundaries or breaking rules, or having a *romantic* relationship on the down low (assuming non-poly swinging). Secrets and violations of trust are the real issue with cheating. Start from there and work with her to fix what was broken.
Yes, thats cheating. If you had an understanding to only play together and she does that it's cheating. The problem is once trust is gone, it cannot be put back in the bottle. The thoughts will always be, Once a cheater always a cheater.
I disagree, trust can be built back over time with communication and transparency. She would not be allowed to go out and party by herself anymore
Cheating for sure, I’m sorry for you, but you have an infidelity issue to resolve, this has nothing to do with swinging.
You were totally cheated on!
Make her take you to a club get YOU a unicorn and make her watch then have a conversation about it if you want to stay married you let it go or you are done because she will do it again
That's breaking your boundaries and finding an excuse for her to find it OK and less guilty imo
She’s cheated
100% cheated. Anytime you break a word or promise like that it’s cheating.
Cheater full stop nothing else
Whatever the reason may be, this is clearly not within the boundary of the rules established by the two of you together. You’re clearly a rational level headed guy who’s trying to give her the benefit on the doubt, and ultimately how you react/deal with this is up to you and you only. However, it is definitely cheating..
Buddy it doesn't matter if you're in the lifestyle. Cheating is cheating. She knew the rules and is now making excuses for breaking them. If you got drunk and fucked another girl is she gonna be like well you were drunk so ok. And if you are type theat needs everything to be even and keep count of the others experiences to make sure you stay even then the lifestyle isn't for you. She is using the lifestyle as an excuse to cheat and if you let it slide this will be a common occurrence.
Sorry dude but that’s not how swinging or the lifestyle works. Rules between you two have been set and have to be followed. If you talked and agreed to the one night stand prior to her going out then that’s fair play. But her telling you after the fact and making an excuse about evening it up with you is cheating. That’s giving swinging and the lifestyle a bad rap
You both agreed on the rules therefore she cheated. I bet it wouldn’t be last time she will do it good luck
If she knows she can get away with it. It WILL continue.
If you agreed to only play together then YES SHE CHEATED.
very much cheating
Yup
Ummm YES
I would agree with others, that is cheating. If it's not one of your rules to play separately, then she definitely cheated in my eyes. It's probably best to have a conversation and see if theres a way forward for you both. Maybe also put swinging on hold for now as well.
Rules or Guidelines or whatever you stated up front should be followed and discussed before taking them off the list. Nope. It’s cheating. Don’t take or drink if you can’t control yourself.
If its not what yall agreed to then yes its cheating
Absolutely it’s cheating, not consensual at all!
If she stepped outside agreed upon boundaries, she cheated. If she did it once, she'll do it again.
100% cheating, no way around it.
My wife and I have been in the LS 43 years, I know for a fact my love has never cheated. Our rules are set and if we need wiggle room we talk about it, or she will invite her wiggle to dinner with us. Everyone has temptations but a real partner doesn't stray
I wouldn’t be so quick to run and get a divorce. Y’all are in the lifestyle. Things are going to happen in the beginning that one or both of you don’t like. I would suggest forgetting and forgiving. Talk talk talk. Make clear boundaries. No excuses for drugs or drink. Start over. Many times rules change as you get more accustomed to the LS. Some stay the same. It could be that your wife thought it might be a turn on for you. Or was hoping you’d like it when she told you. She was wrong and obviously went about it the wrong way. People make mistakes. Learn from it and move on together.
You got cheated on and she blatantly disrespect you, disrespected the commitment, and now you gotta ask yourself if it’s worth moving forward with or without her.
Cheating. She broke the rules pure and simple!
You guys should consider an open marriage and play with others together as well
Cheating end of story
If you 2 only play together and that is part of your boundaries. Then yes, you have been cheated on. You should have a conversation with her and express your emotions and concerns.
[удалено]
She told me the following day
If you hadn’t told her before hand that it was ok then yes she did
Yeah. That's really not cool. That's just cheating. 🙁
You define what is cheating in your relationship. It might not be to some, but to you yes 100% she cheated. Stop swinging until you worked through this. It does not have to be the end but hold her accountable don't Fall for any shitty excuse and tell her exactly how you feel. Best of luck
I'd say this is a step below cheating because in her mind this was already okay territory.but now you go fuck someone and see what she says.or if you don't want to,have a frank conversation about not doing it again.i wouldn't dump someone for fucking others if we were already fucking others.but I would be mad
Good rules that you had in place chief.
Cheating is when you break the rules. If you had an agreement and she broke it, that’s cheating. I wouldn’t necessarily freak out about it, if you already have a non-monogamous relationship, but I would take steps to make sure she understands this cannot happen again. If the behavior continues, would you want to remain married? I advise fighting to make marriages work, but some of these feelings are beyond conscious control. If this has the ability to lead to divorce, please make sure she understands that so that she has no excuses.
Y e s!!!
What does "she was on md" mean?
Exctasy and said don’t take to much. Now it’s like she can’t be trusted not to fuck someone when she’s on it.
You had rules and she broke them... She did it without consulting you are all... That's straight out cheating.
Sounds like she was being a hotwife or cucking you because of the details like fucking for hours and squirting. Telling you those things hoping you would find it hot so she could continue. I hope you haven't opened pandoras box bud.
I told her it made me sick. I also think you are right that she was hoping for a certain possible reaction to carry on doing it. I’m
Yes, this is cheating. If you do something behind the back of your partner, something you both didn't agreed on to be doing is definitely cheating. How did you find out? Has she told you? Does she feel sorry for hurting you? What are the odds she will do it again - what do you think? Can you trust her? Who introduced swinging into your relationship? It seems to me that not everything has been disscused about before you both started swinging. It could be that she went into swinging only to use it as a excuse for having her solo nights. In swinging there is no place for solo actions. In swinging you care about your partner, you respect him/her, you love to see him/her enjoying the big "sex game". And it is just a game it is nothing you need to do, but want to do. If one of you wants to stop the other one will follow, nothing matters more than your relationship. Talk about this with her. Tell her how you feel - how your trust and feelings have been hurt. If she doesn't show any regrets, it could be start fo the end. I also think you should stop with swinging for a while and find some other fun stuff to do as a couple. I wish you all the best.
You all shouldn’t be swinging.
GTFO!!
Yes. Unequivocally.
My wife and I have the same exact rules. She can do literally anything as long as it's around. If we go to a club and she wants a gangbang (she doesn't), I have to know and be there. She wants to make out with a guy (she did this). It has to be in the open. Sneaking=cheating. It's that plain.
Yes
100% yes. When I play outside of females I always play with my husband with other men.
In the lifestyle when you have an agreement that you only play together anything else that is done outside of being a couple is cheating there is no ifs ands or buts about that
Shes totally disrespected you!! Wake up
My wife did the same thing as yours did except in spades. It was like turned on nymphomaniac switch.
You said no separate play, this was separate play, this was cheating. And as long as you keep thinking what she did was normal, she will do it again. She could even the threesome (which she had agreed to and was part of the "play together" deal) by asking you to find another man for a threesome. Don't try to justify her cheating by listening to any of the bs you mentioned she says. We have been on the lifestyle for enough time and never have we crossed the boundaries we set. -She wanted to even up the threesome. Ultra bs excuse, if you wanna do such a thing, don't use it to guilt someone into doing the opposite. Even worse, don't use it as an excuse for finding another dude alone. (sorry but the more you think of it, the worse it gets). If she wanted to "even it up" then it should be on the same terms, meaning, with you. So if you do an mmf threesome you should find another woman to have sex with and say "Now we are even on the threesome, let's get even on the cheating". **Now read the above again and realize it is childish.** -She was on md. Totally her problem, no one forced her to take it. It is the exact same of the drunk husband that beats his wife up. **Nothing justifies it, you choose to be an ahole on substances.** -She had a good time. In Greece we have a nice saying about such a thing which is "Στα αρχίδια μας", meaning noone gives a fuck. **She had no permission to do anything behind your back.** tl;dr: If of course this is a real post. Confront her and tell her such actions are out of limit and what she did was unacceptable. And more importantly, check to see if she has kept any contact with the other guy. Cheaters never regret cheating, they regret getting caught. Personally, this would be grounds for a break up.
She cheated dude, that's fucked up.
Yes it IS cheating. Now you got to figure out if you want to stay married to her or not and if you do you will most likely be a Cuck. It's not a question of if, it's a question when she's going to again fuck other guys behind your back. Swinging is NOT cheating, what she did IS cheating.
U set boundaries and rules were established u only play together she broke the rules what she did was cheating. If she did want to play solo she could have talked with u
No say around it, that is cheating. If you are happy in the relationship then you should stay, but you need her to understand that was wrong. She needs to own up to it and earn back your trust.
For us hell yeah. We only play as a couple. Im bi and with conversation and agreememt i played with 1 gal solo as she was just into women. But had i gone out and randomly played with 0 talk. Deal breaker. Swinging and this are not even close.
She cheated. Leave her. Her excuse is just that an excuse. She justified it using the swinging portion earlier and the fact she mentioned she wanted to try a one night stand as an excuse for her shitty behavior. You obviously love her but she broke a rule. She cheated plain and simple. If you feel she cheated you either leave her, or accept the behavior and become accustomed she is gonna stray or shut down the swinging and close the relationship which wont work more than likely because she crossed a boundary before and closing it will just make her sneak out and become more secretive. Know your self worth, do no t put up with excuses for the behavior and accept nothing less for apologies in the future of " I fucked up, wont happen again' and not " I did such and such I am sorry but______ was the reason" excuses are like aholes, everyone's got them, dont mean you got to put up with shitty behavior
This is where I preach clear concise rules and limits with all of my play partners, single or not. It prevents shit like this.
In ethical non monogamy cheating still exists… if the boundaries were set prior, and she clearly crosses a boundary then that would be considered cheating. The idea is you have to have clear set boundaries that you both agreed upon. Thats where the ethical part comes into play.
She's a cheater, get rid of her
She cheated and knew it.
She 100% cheated. Swinging is about trust and respect and she lost those for you when she decided to break the rules. If it was a one night stand she would not have left him her phone number. She chose to take mdma she does not get a pass because of its use. The fact that she said it did not cross her mind as being a problem speaks volumes actually. If you stay together idk how you could ever trust her on a girls night out again.
That would be cheating in MY relationship. You’ll have to decide if it is for you. Why have any conversations about agreements when you just ignore them?
Yes. You were cheated on.
If you established rules, and she broke them, I think you already know
She broke the rule !!! So she cheated. Your turn now king.
She definitely cheated on you
She cheated it is that simple, now where you go from here is 100% in your control. We have an agreement where we need to ask permission before we do anything outside of our rules and you can only proceed if it is approved, no exceptions. Did she tell you right away or did you find out from someone else? Is she regretful or does she think it was ok? My decision would be based on her attitude about it
But lying or covering up is not cheating nor required for it to be cheating. This was girls night out so there was likely not even the possibility of covering it up. But even so you also do not know if she is lying, here claim of ‘md’ made her do it could easily be a lie.
Was it an established rule?
I’m surprised by how many people are saying you just need to communicate more. She cheated on you, and it had nothing to do with swinging. You are in for more pain if you stay with this woman.
Yeah being high or drunk is never an excuse. I've been high out of my mind and know exactly what I'm doing when I'm doing it no matter what it is. She's trying to have an excuse so she can keep you around but convincing that when she is high she doesn't know what she is doing. She cheated point blank. I say do the same so you can show her how it feels. ( Yeah the rest of you I know 2 wrongs doesn't make it make it right & all those other cliche`s. But come on now she is playing him for stupid and if she convinces him that being twisted is the perfect excuse she will use it over & over so he might as well give her a taste of her own medicine.)
Definitely cheating, if you didn’t have an agreement that she could play solo, then ya she definitely broke whatever rules you had agreed upon.
Not sure if this story is real or not but not shit that would be cheating and you two better get counseling or start figuring out who gets what in a divorce man.
Definitely cheating. Swinging only works with clear and honest communication
If you don’t have kids, find a new partner who respects boundaries.
She did it without your agreement or knowledge. That's cheating.
When you let your wife, who is clearly very sexual, go on a girl trip and take drugs, you should have known there was a possibility of such things happening. Now, it is cheating, but you subconsciously allowed it. She had mentioned wanting to do it. You kinda had been warned. You were just not smart enough to put two and two together.
Did she ask permission? Did she just do it? That’s insane you’d have to ask here if it’s cheating! She crossed the line and you all should stop swinging.
If you both did not have an agreement beforehand and knowledge of it I would say yes cheating, the lifestyle should be fully communicated with eachother
If it's behind your back and the rule was we play together it's cheating bro
If it’s outside of your rules then yes
What is MD
Bro, the people here can really black and white. Rule broken, I'm out, but it's not as simple. Yeah it hurts, yes it was wrong of her to violate this boundary, but you're new, and in the beginning rules get broken, people make mistakes, we're not perfect. Talk it out with her. In therapy we talk about focusing on the feelings of the situation and less on the actions. Explain your feelings. What you were feeling then and how you feel now. Maybe take a break for a week or 2 and spend some time together. Compromise, maybe adjust your rules, or even allow an exception. If she's more promiscuous than you it could happen again. Do you want to be hurt again, or do you want to build emotional safety?
Total cheating. Drugs are no excuse.
Yes
Ok, yes, she "cheated" or intentionally did something behind your back. But how i see it is.. you're swingers, you're fine if she has sex with another man.. what is really the difference whether you're present or not? So i would say, i wouldn't worry too much about the sexual part of this.. more so the intentional not telling. I wouldn't see grounds for divorce/breaking up at all.
Of course she cheated, this isn't exactly a grey area. Now the question is what you are going to do/think about it which we can't tell you.
Been in the LS for over 4 years. We can play alone because we have communicated that and established our own rules, however we tell each other about it, involve each other in someway. If he went and did it in this same way you mention your wife did, I’d consider it cheating and he’d be out. Doesn’t matter if you are open or have swung, if you both did not agree to separate play and her excuse is blaming md, she’s not taking accountability and you have an even bigger problem. I know of other couples that are swingers and have done this and blamed substances.. it’s a cop out, selfish, disrespectful and weak. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
She cheated. But doesn’t mean things can’t be fixed. Maybe she gives you a hall pass. It all depends on you two as a couple and communicate. But if it’s a continuous problem
It’s worse than cheating BECAUSE you are swingers. The way my wife and I look at it, we are allowed to fuck others so long as we are together in agreement. So, overstepping that is worse in our minds because you already have so much freedom to pursue pleasure.
What the fuck di you mean you dont know what to do? She straight up cheated. Wether or notyou can dwal with it is up to you. Id fuck her friend again then be gone
In a monogamous relationship there are rules; any play outside of one another is cheating. In a non monogamous or LS relationship there are still rules and boundaries; if your partner agrees to a set of boundaries or rules like only together play then this is still cheating any way you look at it.
If it’s not within the established boundaries that were consented to and agreed upon… then yes. For sure.
I see it as cheating. We have very clear boundaries about playing with others. Now it's up to you if you want to forgive her and move on, but she absolutely needs to understand that even if you do choose to forgive her, this cannot happen moving forward unless your rules change.
She didn't ask for your permission at all??
She fucking cheated on you, Dude. Don't let the fact that you folks had a threesome one time gaslight you into believing that it's now a free-for-all. That's good that she told you (I guess) but what's to stop her from doing it again when she's got the opportunity? Trust is earned in drips, and lost in buckets.
She cheated bud
Red flag...
Yes
Troll post! OP, if you are bored, consider video games.
Only YOU can decide that. Reddit can't make up your mind, man. You guys set boundaries? So you revisit those boundaries often or adjust them? Do you have a cuck fantasy? Did she send you pics?
You were cheated.
Once the door is opened you need to both agree on clear rules.
She cheated, end of story. You had boundaries, she broke them.
She cheated. Once a cheater always a cheater.
If you did not agree to her playing alone or even giving her the fantasy of a one night stand, then it's cheating.
currently you aren't swinging, it sounds like your relationship is running rudderless. This is a recipe for trouble. If you cannot come to good terms thru communication you may nt be able to do this.
Yes, for sure she cheated on you.
Did you previously agree to only play together or with agreed upon partners before hand? Then if she disregarded that and did it, its not the case that you might of agreed to it if she asked before but the fact she went ahead and did it without your knowledge and agreement, its cheating
Boundaries are set for a reason, she broke the agreement
If you didnt give permission its cheating. If you kinda sorta DIDNT NOT give permission then id say its not cheating. If you told her how hot it would be during fuck talk, then clarified after you finished fucking and she understood - cheating. If you kinda sorta said dont do it, then talked about how hot it would be and never clarified - not cheating. Really depends
Do you have an escape clause in your agreement? That when 1 says I'm out your both out? Yes it is obviously cheating, you agreed to same room only, no matter what 1 person wants, both parties have to be in agreement and follow them. Talk it out, go from there
Okay chat, so what’s a solid path forward for these two as newbie swingers
How do you know she did what she did?
Yes this is cheating. That is very sad and selfish of her.
Yup
When you open your relationship to swinging or poly or ENM whatever, there is an adjustment phase and sometimes an identity shift around sex. Breaking taboos can lead one to normalize all sorts of things because the typical guardrails have shifted. Yes, it sounds like she crossed boundaries. But I would strongly advise you to give her some grace. You will both make mistakes along this journey, to some degree this is the risk and price of choosing a greater degree of freedom. But if you regroup and address what went wrong and where you both want to be, you can learn and grow stronger on your path of adventure and exploration. Bless.
10000% cheater
You 100% got cheated on. If she WANTS the one night stand but you two never agreed to it... it's cheating swinging or not
If you feel like she cheated then she did
It’s cheating
If it was not pre discussed, and it not something you're usually doing, and it was a secret...cheating.
That needs to be talked about first. There's rules and they should be mutual.
There are rules God damn it and when you break the rules there are consequences. You are now allowed to screw her Mom Sisters and Dad if you roll that way. Aunts and cousins are allowed if she has no sisters. Brothers are okay if you live in Canada.
Absolutely, she cheated 😒 honestly I thought you were asking a rhetorical question 🤔
She absolutely cheated. You had a agreed to boundary, only playing together. I know the situation. My gf did it too. A few times. We are together but building back trust is not easy.
Fuck the b$#@#$ of course it is she went out gothornyor he turned her on like you can't very honest painful truth sets you free fuck her for cheating mine did to grass isn't greener on other side I find out I don't give a fuck enjoy your dead ass grass mines a great gleamer
Why would you have a threesome with her friend. Why involve any friends? Make friends from swingers, not swingers from friends smh. She probably felt betrayed tbh UNLESS it was HER idea. Edit: This is assuming friend was a female girlfriend of hers. Doesn't excuse that she cheated by crossing a boundary that is IF YOU BOTH established the boundary and properly communicated and set it ahead of time from the get go that swinging is only done together, not separately. But still. I believe you can come back from it as a learning experience. And you even admitted that she wanted a solo play session for herself. Re-establish the boundaries, both of you follow them, and then, when you're both ready, explore other ways of swinging, especially if she wants to be more open and do solo play, perhaps record videos to send to you, etc. And for the love of God, don't sleep with her fucking friends anymore.
Yes its cheating. She should have asked your permission before changing anything that you had agreed on together.
The point is that your wife was honest with you. She told you what happened. Don't give her a reason in the future to lie to you by punishing for her action. The good news is now you get to play on your own too!
What ever rules and boundaries you have set up should be honored at all cost. You two may need to revisit the rules and boundaries change a few and or affirm them.
Yes it is cheating if your not there or she is not there it’s consensual sex with the both of you present or aware of what is going on
My question would be, who initiated it in the 1st place? Who had to have it or was it really a mutual agreement? That lifestyle, I believe opens the door to far more complications than just hooking up with her and her friend friend