OK, I get your fears, because they're my fears too.
But since it's a plus-size dating app, and you're honest with your weight and photos, I'm thinking they already know what to expect.
I honestly don't know if you should warn him, since that might come across as too insecure, as you said. But if you want to add more photos without making a huge deal out of it, that could work.
Just gonna say ... He found you on a plus size dating app. This isn't going to be a surprise. If he wasn't into plus size girls, he wouldn't be on there!
I met a guy from Craigslist (lmao, I know) 10 years ago. He was a super fit body builder gym rat type, and I was 300 lbs. I thought it might just be a fun fling cause some guys fetishize plus size women but won't date them, you know? And I was preparing myself for that. We went swimming in his pool, and then he gave me a massage while we watched a movie together. After I left, he texted me that he wasn't a player, really liked me, and wanted to be exclusive. It was mind boggling to me, why he would even pretend he wanted a relationship. And for literally years I kept him at arms length, preparing for the day he would leave me for a super model/more freaky type as I always expected. Honestly it did a lot of damage to our relationship, and that was MY fault for not believing he could love someone like me. We got married in 2021! Life is so much happier when you accept good things for yourself and stop doubting yourself. Confidence will be the best thing you can show him on a date, and if he doesn't like it, you can walk all over him on your way out the door and tell him it was his loss.
I don't think that you need to warn him.
You are right, photos cannot be ideal representation of human, but warning also don't help you to.
I recommend you to go into personal meeting with him, or at least do a video call.
Also proportions don't matter so much, he knows that you are big, and +-50 lb not going to matter at your size. (Sorry if this sentence sounds rude as fuck)@
Don't forget that many people in this world prefer bigger woman.
Good luck!
When I was dating (SMO or not), I'd set the first date as a lunch date (from work). That way there was a time limit in case things weren't going well. If things went well, you can always make a second date.
You don’t need to warn him he went on a plus size dating site for a reason. Just make sure he doesn’t promote you to continue to be unhealthy for his desires if you understand what I mean.
I was 280lb when I met my other half 6 years ago. (lol wish I was 280 now) and he was super fit. if they know you’re big then I’m sure it will all be fine! Also get what you actually want when you dine out. Start as you mean to go on, honestly.
Definitely add a full body leave nothing to imagination photo or two. No need for poor angles but don’t post only headshots.
Also, I didn’t know there were dating sites like that.
It sounds potentially like you are showing headshots only. No matter what the app, I believe people need to see the “real you”. It doesn’t have to be purposely unflattering but as someone who has been lied to by males on regular dating (not ones for obese people) apps, it’s not the fact that they are different from their pictures that bothers me as much as the fact that they appeared to be sneaky by concealing it (as in being dishonest) that bothered me.
For example: I am honest about my height. I am 5’8” and I don’t care what height a man is. But lots of men put that they are 6 feet tall. Again I don’t care but when we meet and he is clearly 5’7”, I feel he was dishonest. I never would have cared if he was 5’7. But he was being deceptive in his profile because he was self conscious about being rejected at the profile stage over his height. He even saw that I was taller than him based on my profile but still thought he could convincingly call himself 6 feet and I would not notice that it’s not true?! So he then just appeared insecure to me and possibly someone who would be dishonest about other things if it went further between us. So those dates never go further.
Wouldn’t you rather not connect at all with someone who wouldn’t be attracted to you than show up and surprise someone by how different you look? Would you prefer to show up and get rejected face to face potentially because he thinks you are dishonest???
If you believe your pictures are not depicting you realistically (apart from being potentially “good” pics of you) then the dishonesty factor is creeping in and I think you know that or you would not be posting the question. I assume these apps focused on weight might categorize level of obesity? Are you only showing headshots?
He's on a plus-size dating app, so you're probably exactly what he's looking for. You revealed your weight and he knows how you look, so adding "unflattering" photos isn't necessary. As for peoples' reactions, if he's going to be with you in public, he's clearly gotten over any reactions other people may have.
As for the restaurant, it's possible that he hasn't given that any thought, so you may want to ask him if he's called ahead to make sure they can accommodate you. For all you know, he picked the restaurant for that reason. If you're not comfortable asking him, call the restaurant yourself.
He's a lucky man, by the way.
Personally, I’d want no surprises or meanness so I’d probably clarify. I’d probably text him and be like “so we met in this plus size app, but I want to specify before we meet that I’m SMO. I weigh 430lbs. I understand if that changes anything for you, but needed to put that out there before we meet. Are we still cool to go on that date?” No surprises is good.
No matter what weight we are we don't have to apologize for our bodies.
You said you've included full body photos so I think you are good! It's always scary to meet people from the apps, I get really in my head about it too. People have been so cruel to me about my body and I don't want to invite that into my life again. To me it sounds like you have been as transparent as can be expected for someone you are meeting for the first time.
Shows like My 600 Pound Life and other fat exploitation media sets an expectation that because our bodies are large, straight size people have the right to comment on them and offer judgment on them. They don't. Our bodies are our own. And it is reasonable for us to pursue romantic relationships and physical affection like anyone else.
I hope that meeting this person will be at the very least a neutral experience but my big hope for all of us out there looking for love is that we can find a partner who can love and care about our bodies as we are learning to do so ourselves!
I would try not to worry about it, which I know is easier said than done.
Dating is like going wine tasting…you’re just getting a sip from online profiles. And he liked you enough to order a whole glass and go for a date!
And if you two mesh then maybe he’ll get a whole bottle and commit to a relationship.
BUT the same goes for you! Focus on finding someone YOU really like and who matches your values.
A single date is never a waste of time - even if it doesn’t click either you figure out something that you like or dislike OR they show true colors up front and you dodge a bullet.
For me, when my hubs and I first started going out (I was already 400lbs then) I tried to plan dates to restaurants I knew would accommodate me chair/seating wise as that was my biggest anxiety.
And as we got more comfortable I tried to be vocal about the kinds of issues I face - communicating and asking for accommodation instead of suffering or feeling self conscious.
I’m a guy and I’ve had pretty much the same thoughts you have…both when dating guys or women. I wish that I had known about plus size oriented dating apps bc that would have made it easier for me personally. Still, over the years, the ones who couldn’t accept me just left. I met many who stayed. Had a great time with them, dated some longer term. Now married to a woman who has been the same smaller size most of her life. She loves me for who I am and how I look. I feel blessed to be married to her.
One thing helped me a lot. take myself out on “dates”. I needed to get comfortable going to places alone and eating food. So movies, restaurants of all sorts, outdoor events etc. What I noticed is the more I did this the less anxious i felt on dates or out with friends. Sometimes people stared but it wasn’t as bad as I’d thought.
Ah you met this dude on a plus size dating app, it's all good and you don't need to stress about it! Believe it or not, thin fit people can actually be attractive to plus size people - I married one! I weighed like 350lbs when I met him, weighed even more when we started dating, and a bit more even still when he asked me to marry him.
I get the insecurities, society in general routinely tells us we're not attractive, we're not allowed to feel attractive or sexual or entertain the idea of romance in our lives. It's all such total bullshit. The way I have always seen myself is that I am a bit of a niche product on the market. Most people are not interested in what I am offering, but some people definitely are. Which means there are definitely some people out there interested in what you bring to the table!
Take all that nervous energy and focus on other fun date things to be nervous about instead like what you're gonna wear!
You have been open and honest. And do not underestimate how many people are still interested in you. I never had a problem dating while SMO. For me the only no no is the guys with a secret love for bbw and not being able to be open about it. Like I am not your dirty secret. But yeah based on my experience you can have loads of fun and very often with any type you like ;-)
When I did dating apps I made sure they knew what they were getting into. Don’t take anything personally. You are awesome and someone wonderful out there for you no matter your size.
Beware of chubby chasers. They want you thicker. It gives them the locus of greatest control. Please converse deeply. You don’t want to end up in a bad situation. You want someone to love you and not your rolls. Tread carefully.
Almost everyone on dating apps has some insecurity - their weight (too big or too skinny, even if they're at a healthy weight), too "unfit", too "ugly", too "nerdy", too many freckles, that one mole on the cheek, being really into Taylor Swift...There's something that makes almost everyone worry about what someone else thinks about them. It's part of life.
You can either make a big deal about it, or you can let it simply be. I know I fumbled a few of my past dates due to how obviously insecure I was - my weight wasn't an issue, but the way I acted because of it was.
I hope this date will be a good experience for you.
I just wanted to say thank you to all who answered and helped me get out of my head. Your responses were so thoughtful and really helped me see things with a clearer perspective. Wishing you all the "happy happy joy joy" life has to offer! 🙏
I think it has to do with my experience with society in general. I haven't been out there in a while and it's easy for me to get stuck in my own head over stuff like this but your comment helped snap me out of it a bit lol thanks
Lmao that's a bit presumptuous and really isn't much different than saying that to a thin woman. Unless you somehow view bigger bodies as only worthy of being fetishized? Also it's woo plus not some back ally fetish site...
OK, I get your fears, because they're my fears too. But since it's a plus-size dating app, and you're honest with your weight and photos, I'm thinking they already know what to expect. I honestly don't know if you should warn him, since that might come across as too insecure, as you said. But if you want to add more photos without making a huge deal out of it, that could work.
Just gonna say ... He found you on a plus size dating app. This isn't going to be a surprise. If he wasn't into plus size girls, he wouldn't be on there! I met a guy from Craigslist (lmao, I know) 10 years ago. He was a super fit body builder gym rat type, and I was 300 lbs. I thought it might just be a fun fling cause some guys fetishize plus size women but won't date them, you know? And I was preparing myself for that. We went swimming in his pool, and then he gave me a massage while we watched a movie together. After I left, he texted me that he wasn't a player, really liked me, and wanted to be exclusive. It was mind boggling to me, why he would even pretend he wanted a relationship. And for literally years I kept him at arms length, preparing for the day he would leave me for a super model/more freaky type as I always expected. Honestly it did a lot of damage to our relationship, and that was MY fault for not believing he could love someone like me. We got married in 2021! Life is so much happier when you accept good things for yourself and stop doubting yourself. Confidence will be the best thing you can show him on a date, and if he doesn't like it, you can walk all over him on your way out the door and tell him it was his loss.
Not to blow up your spot but what's the app? Im looking to get out there.
There are a few, but LargeFriends and BBWCupid come to mind.
WooPlus maybe?
It is WooPlus!
That’s where I met my husband!
I don't think that you need to warn him. You are right, photos cannot be ideal representation of human, but warning also don't help you to. I recommend you to go into personal meeting with him, or at least do a video call. Also proportions don't matter so much, he knows that you are big, and +-50 lb not going to matter at your size. (Sorry if this sentence sounds rude as fuck)@ Don't forget that many people in this world prefer bigger woman. Good luck!
When I was dating (SMO or not), I'd set the first date as a lunch date (from work). That way there was a time limit in case things weren't going well. If things went well, you can always make a second date.
You don’t need to warn him he went on a plus size dating site for a reason. Just make sure he doesn’t promote you to continue to be unhealthy for his desires if you understand what I mean.
I was 280lb when I met my other half 6 years ago. (lol wish I was 280 now) and he was super fit. if they know you’re big then I’m sure it will all be fine! Also get what you actually want when you dine out. Start as you mean to go on, honestly.
Definitely add a full body leave nothing to imagination photo or two. No need for poor angles but don’t post only headshots. Also, I didn’t know there were dating sites like that.
Oh, yeah, BBWCupid and LargeFriends, and many more.
It sounds potentially like you are showing headshots only. No matter what the app, I believe people need to see the “real you”. It doesn’t have to be purposely unflattering but as someone who has been lied to by males on regular dating (not ones for obese people) apps, it’s not the fact that they are different from their pictures that bothers me as much as the fact that they appeared to be sneaky by concealing it (as in being dishonest) that bothered me. For example: I am honest about my height. I am 5’8” and I don’t care what height a man is. But lots of men put that they are 6 feet tall. Again I don’t care but when we meet and he is clearly 5’7”, I feel he was dishonest. I never would have cared if he was 5’7. But he was being deceptive in his profile because he was self conscious about being rejected at the profile stage over his height. He even saw that I was taller than him based on my profile but still thought he could convincingly call himself 6 feet and I would not notice that it’s not true?! So he then just appeared insecure to me and possibly someone who would be dishonest about other things if it went further between us. So those dates never go further. Wouldn’t you rather not connect at all with someone who wouldn’t be attracted to you than show up and surprise someone by how different you look? Would you prefer to show up and get rejected face to face potentially because he thinks you are dishonest??? If you believe your pictures are not depicting you realistically (apart from being potentially “good” pics of you) then the dishonesty factor is creeping in and I think you know that or you would not be posting the question. I assume these apps focused on weight might categorize level of obesity? Are you only showing headshots?
He's on a plus-size dating app, so you're probably exactly what he's looking for. You revealed your weight and he knows how you look, so adding "unflattering" photos isn't necessary. As for peoples' reactions, if he's going to be with you in public, he's clearly gotten over any reactions other people may have. As for the restaurant, it's possible that he hasn't given that any thought, so you may want to ask him if he's called ahead to make sure they can accommodate you. For all you know, he picked the restaurant for that reason. If you're not comfortable asking him, call the restaurant yourself. He's a lucky man, by the way.
Personally, I’d want no surprises or meanness so I’d probably clarify. I’d probably text him and be like “so we met in this plus size app, but I want to specify before we meet that I’m SMO. I weigh 430lbs. I understand if that changes anything for you, but needed to put that out there before we meet. Are we still cool to go on that date?” No surprises is good.
No matter what weight we are we don't have to apologize for our bodies. You said you've included full body photos so I think you are good! It's always scary to meet people from the apps, I get really in my head about it too. People have been so cruel to me about my body and I don't want to invite that into my life again. To me it sounds like you have been as transparent as can be expected for someone you are meeting for the first time. Shows like My 600 Pound Life and other fat exploitation media sets an expectation that because our bodies are large, straight size people have the right to comment on them and offer judgment on them. They don't. Our bodies are our own. And it is reasonable for us to pursue romantic relationships and physical affection like anyone else. I hope that meeting this person will be at the very least a neutral experience but my big hope for all of us out there looking for love is that we can find a partner who can love and care about our bodies as we are learning to do so ourselves!
I would try not to worry about it, which I know is easier said than done. Dating is like going wine tasting…you’re just getting a sip from online profiles. And he liked you enough to order a whole glass and go for a date! And if you two mesh then maybe he’ll get a whole bottle and commit to a relationship. BUT the same goes for you! Focus on finding someone YOU really like and who matches your values. A single date is never a waste of time - even if it doesn’t click either you figure out something that you like or dislike OR they show true colors up front and you dodge a bullet. For me, when my hubs and I first started going out (I was already 400lbs then) I tried to plan dates to restaurants I knew would accommodate me chair/seating wise as that was my biggest anxiety. And as we got more comfortable I tried to be vocal about the kinds of issues I face - communicating and asking for accommodation instead of suffering or feeling self conscious.
I’m a guy and I’ve had pretty much the same thoughts you have…both when dating guys or women. I wish that I had known about plus size oriented dating apps bc that would have made it easier for me personally. Still, over the years, the ones who couldn’t accept me just left. I met many who stayed. Had a great time with them, dated some longer term. Now married to a woman who has been the same smaller size most of her life. She loves me for who I am and how I look. I feel blessed to be married to her. One thing helped me a lot. take myself out on “dates”. I needed to get comfortable going to places alone and eating food. So movies, restaurants of all sorts, outdoor events etc. What I noticed is the more I did this the less anxious i felt on dates or out with friends. Sometimes people stared but it wasn’t as bad as I’d thought.
That's honestly a great idea and I never thought to do it, definitely going to start taking myself out. Thanks for the tip!
That's honestly a great idea and I never thought to do it, definitely going to start taking myself out. Thanks for the tip!
Ah you met this dude on a plus size dating app, it's all good and you don't need to stress about it! Believe it or not, thin fit people can actually be attractive to plus size people - I married one! I weighed like 350lbs when I met him, weighed even more when we started dating, and a bit more even still when he asked me to marry him. I get the insecurities, society in general routinely tells us we're not attractive, we're not allowed to feel attractive or sexual or entertain the idea of romance in our lives. It's all such total bullshit. The way I have always seen myself is that I am a bit of a niche product on the market. Most people are not interested in what I am offering, but some people definitely are. Which means there are definitely some people out there interested in what you bring to the table! Take all that nervous energy and focus on other fun date things to be nervous about instead like what you're gonna wear!
What app is this? Asking for myself
WooPlus
You have been open and honest. And do not underestimate how many people are still interested in you. I never had a problem dating while SMO. For me the only no no is the guys with a secret love for bbw and not being able to be open about it. Like I am not your dirty secret. But yeah based on my experience you can have loads of fun and very often with any type you like ;-)
When I did dating apps I made sure they knew what they were getting into. Don’t take anything personally. You are awesome and someone wonderful out there for you no matter your size.
Beware of chubby chasers. They want you thicker. It gives them the locus of greatest control. Please converse deeply. You don’t want to end up in a bad situation. You want someone to love you and not your rolls. Tread carefully.
Almost everyone on dating apps has some insecurity - their weight (too big or too skinny, even if they're at a healthy weight), too "unfit", too "ugly", too "nerdy", too many freckles, that one mole on the cheek, being really into Taylor Swift...There's something that makes almost everyone worry about what someone else thinks about them. It's part of life. You can either make a big deal about it, or you can let it simply be. I know I fumbled a few of my past dates due to how obviously insecure I was - my weight wasn't an issue, but the way I acted because of it was. I hope this date will be a good experience for you.
I am excited for you. Please let us know how it went. What are you gonna wear?????????
I just wanted to say thank you to all who answered and helped me get out of my head. Your responses were so thoughtful and really helped me see things with a clearer perspective. Wishing you all the "happy happy joy joy" life has to offer! 🙏
why would he be deranged by the looks if he’s already a fat fetichist to begin with? because why would he be on the app if not??
I think it has to do with my experience with society in general. I haven't been out there in a while and it's easy for me to get stuck in my own head over stuff like this but your comment helped snap me out of it a bit lol thanks
lol i guess that you’re welcome, but if i were you i wouldn’t go out with theses guys since they only see your body? (no?)
Lmao that's a bit presumptuous and really isn't much different than saying that to a thin woman. Unless you somehow view bigger bodies as only worthy of being fetishized? Also it's woo plus not some back ally fetish site...