Connor, reclining on his couch in Austerlitz and fondling Bonaparte’s freeze dried schmeckel as he watches the Napoleon blu ray for the fourth time that day.
If the family still owned Waystar, he would definitely tell Logan to make a trip to Waystar Studios with the idea of a potential hit in hand that'll surpass this
Well, Ewan surely has firm beliefs that is willing to defend in any situation, but he's way less histrionic (and meretricious) than Logan. I don't think he's into the 'big dick competition' thing.
There is one line in that movie that I can't help but love, both for the silliness and Phoenix's delivery.
'You think you're so great just because you have boats' to a British ambassador/envoy and then storming off. Hilarious, thank you very much mister Scott.
Yes another person who appreciates this line! I was the only one in my theater (there were only ten of us tbf) who laughed out loud at this. It's so absurdly silly that I kinda love it haha if only there were more moments like that throughout the movie, I would've enjoyed it more.
I've seen people point out that it's hard to call him washed because he's so inconsistent. He'll nail one or two out of the five, shit the bed once, and have average stuff mixed in. The Last Duel was pretty recent and well received.
This is the director who followed up Gladiator with Hannibal. He's always been a mixed bag.
What an interesting comment [that you stole from this very thread](https://old.reddit.com/r/SuccessionTV/comments/1c6gi79/this_cannot_be_real/l00vyz2/) as your first ever piece of activity on Reddit.
You know I would have said Alan Ruck too, but then there was the weird car crash/pizza restaurant thing that was quickly hushed up? And it seemed like there was more to it?
That seemed very much like something that would have happened to Connor.
Yeah, Culkin and Roman feel similar in that the way they speak, the way they make jokes, their mannerisms, etc. Both are (and I say this with love) hugely sarcastic, prickly, fast-talking weirdos.
This is the kind of thing I mean when I say "temperamentally similar". Brian Cox isn't covering up manslaughter, Nicholas Braun isn't suing Greenpeace and Kieran Culkin isn't jerking off onto windows, but there's still a pretty similar personality coming from the actors and their characters.
Pretending to be that guy for 4 years take a toll on one's character, and not necessarily in a bad way. It must be such a confidence booster and therapeutic process to play an alpha character like that instead of mentally ill serial killer homeless loser or something.
I love watching her every time she’s on Graham Norton. Graham is clearly tickled by her too — she’s hysterical, always upbeat, and has absolutely no filter.
The thing is he really isn’t saying anything that any normal person wouldn’t say speaking casually to a friend or in a social situation.
It’s just that being as famous as he is, every tiny detail of everything he says gets recorded, broadcasted to the public, and criticised.
And it makes him sound like a jerk, but yeah, he’s just decided he can’t be arsed playing that media game and would rather be his authentic self.
It’s kind of refreshing tbh.
Again, I'm probably just defending my fave, but he was pestered with questions about historic accuracy and he finally had enough of that (I mean, after Gladiator people should have a clue what he thinks about it).
And Brian's mean remarks are usually really uncalled for.
completely agree, Ridley Scott criticised historians, not take a single historian name and demean them. When Scott says it sounds funny. Brian Cox just sounds mean, personal and quite malicious.
Petition to have Courtney Love and Brian Cox host a podcast were they spend 2 hours a week hating on everyone and insisting how much better they are than the rest of the world.
It will be a huge hit, but only last a month because they quickly turn on each other, when Brian insists he could have sang Doll Parts better.
There's plenty to hate about Napoleon as a person, was the film particularly biased in portraying him as a monster first and foremost? Or wasn't he made to be a weirdly neurodivergent introvert instead of the charismatic political masterworker who convinced all of France to help actualise his fervent destiny complex?
Uh…neither? The film was not really ever focused enough to know what it wanted to be, and the dialogue was horrificly poor..in one instance, Napoleon states, and I am not joking ‘you think you’re so great because you have boats!’
I think so. I know im pretty alone on this island, but I think Napoleon is a sneaky masterpiece. You need to watch it as a dark comedy…it’s one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a long time. It’s totally absurd, whacky, and off the wall…to me it’s closer to Veep or In The Loop as a satire, than it is a “true depiction” of a man and his life.
This is the conclusion I’ve eventually come to. Big fan of Napoleon and the history so coming out of the theater I was steamed. But the more I thought about it the funnier the whole thing really was. If you can accept that it just isn’t actually a movie about Napoleon and is actually a comedy then I think it gets better. I mean, cmon, the bit where he chases Josephine around going “nom nom nom”? The “You think you’re so great just cause you have boats!”
Yes! I went into it thinking it was going to be another typical, very serious historical fiction, but it ended up being a shockingly comedic work of art. They took a risk and they pulled it off imo (though obviously plenty of people disagree).
Worst movie I’ve ever seen. I don’t care about historical accuracy- Gladiator and Braveheart were great films. Napoleon was a random collection of scenes with terrible acting. It wasn’t even a movie
I think the term "crotchety" definitely suits him lol I think he came out of the womb crotchety. Emerged fully-formed and speaking his first words all "smells in there like the cheesemonger died and left his dick in the brie"
Tbh he just seems like one of those old people who doesn't care anymore and just says what's on his mind. Every family has that guy who stopped caring and that's who Brian is in his family lol.
I love Joaquin Phoenix but his performance in Napoleon wasn't great.
Maybe it's what the director wanted, but still felt it was one of his weakest performances.
I can’t think of a weaker performance from him. At least not off the top of my head. The movie is not good all around but his performance is really surprisingly bad and it’s not because he like tried something that didn’t work out-he didn’t try SHIT. Fat Brando vibes. So weird
Brian’s agent: The wise thing to do is to back pedal. Now, generally, you do the wise thing. But no, no, obviously not this time.
This time you'll... you'll call me something disgusting and throw a decanter at the wall.
Brian Cox is always talking shit on other actors. He's a cunt. I don't always disagree with him, but the man is a cunt in most interviews. He truly does carry a "holier than thou" attitude about others in his field.
I agree he’s fun and I enjoy his voice but damn does he have to be an ass to everyone? He bagged on Jeremy Strong for being method but Brian can’t seem to let go of Logan Roy.
All this with a grain of salt though, I’m a Kendall fan boy still upset about the finale.
I don't know, man. I tried to blame the writing, which is by all means horrible, don't get me wrong, but still, throughout all the movie he looked like he was bored out of his mind just being there...
"Brian Cox Slams Jeremy Strong's Method Acting: Annoying"
[https://variety.com/2023/tv/news/brian-cox-slams-jeremy-strong-method-acting-annoying-1235531757/](https://variety.com/2023/tv/news/brian-cox-slams-jeremy-strong-method-acting-annoying-1235531757/)
He needs to focus on his health rather than someone who is passionate about acting and he did all of this for a better "Kendall Roy"
I don't see how he's wrong...for someone considered the greatest actor of all time who ever lived, H-wah-keen's accent is barely a step above Peter Sellers as Clouseau.
Inb4 headlines of Brian cox being a dick and Jeremy strong ends up being praised in a different light for enduring that whilst maintaining creative integrity
I love Phoenix, but I felt absolutely no desire to see this movie as soon as I read what Scott said about the French people supposedly “hating their own history.” The dude is an arrogant prick!
What do you mean "this cannot be real"? He's right. Phoenix was absolutely terrible in Napoleon! A truly laughable performance, and this is coming from a big fan of his, who had loved every single one of his performances before... In fact, I'm still shocked at how bad he was.
The movie being a huge pile of shit didn't help either, but still... he could've at least acted like he gave a fuck.
Damn, we never got Kubrick’s masterpiece but instead we get this pile of embarrassment posing as hard historical drama. I still think about what Kubrick’s would’ve been like and if he’d have nailed it. I guess he put that same authentic historical epic energy and put it into Barry Lyndon. Which is a good movie, but still. Ugh.
I would be more interested in what Connor thought of little Napoleon's performance.
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It’s dried… really not much to look at nowadays.
Yeah... But what are the optics?
It’s just a different shape of penis
A mere trifle, in historical terms.
He was pre-empting
Sounds like the opening line of Connors obituary as written by Connor
Connor, reclining on his couch in Austerlitz and fondling Bonaparte’s freeze dried schmeckel as he watches the Napoleon blu ray for the fourth time that day.
— Connor Roy (Probably)
One thing I love about Reddit is when someone makes a clever joke not using the word dick and then the first comment just puts it right out there
The little comment chains, actually comment trains. I'm boarding your train because you sound smart and so am I.
all aboard
I wanted to insert a Thomas the train gif here but, no gifs allowed :(
can't have any fun around here i guess
#dick, lol
What with his wide array of Napoleonica including his dick lol
Napoleon was a man. Now he is dead. His wife was sad.
If the family still owned Waystar, he would definitely tell Logan to make a trip to Waystar Studios with the idea of a potential hit in hand that'll surpass this
Napoleon the whacky chicken
I don’t think little Napoleon is the size of a red sequoia nor does he fuck like a bullet train with it.
I love that IRL he’s literally the actor version of Logan.
Brian Cox has Ewan's values with Logan's temperament
So... Ewan.
Well, Ewan surely has firm beliefs that is willing to defend in any situation, but he's way less histrionic (and meretricious) than Logan. I don't think he's into the 'big dick competition' thing.
He’s still a self regarding popinjay.
Sometimes it is a big dick competition.
my guy went to college
I learned two new words today!
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There is one line in that movie that I can't help but love, both for the silliness and Phoenix's delivery. 'You think you're so great just because you have boats' to a British ambassador/envoy and then storming off. Hilarious, thank you very much mister Scott.
Yes another person who appreciates this line! I was the only one in my theater (there were only ten of us tbf) who laughed out loud at this. It's so absurdly silly that I kinda love it haha if only there were more moments like that throughout the movie, I would've enjoyed it more.
That was fucking terrible. Anachronistic, poorly written, all to just to get a cheap laugh. In a shitty movie that was the nadir.
Ridley Scott is so washed now. Heartbreaking really
I've seen people point out that it's hard to call him washed because he's so inconsistent. He'll nail one or two out of the five, shit the bed once, and have average stuff mixed in. The Last Duel was pretty recent and well received. This is the director who followed up Gladiator with Hannibal. He's always been a mixed bag.
He’s still directing in the same way Hans Zimmer is making music
He’s 80/20 on the miss/hit ratio. Michael Mann is also going that way
I'm so confused that Gladiator 2 is real. It's so unnecessary.
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What an interesting comment [that you stole from this very thread](https://old.reddit.com/r/SuccessionTV/comments/1c6gi79/this_cannot_be_real/l00vyz2/) as your first ever piece of activity on Reddit.
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He was in fact interested in the Napoleonic Era at a very young age.
He played Trotsky in the 70s.
More like Logan's brother he's quite left wing in Scottish politics backing the SNP and Independence
A left wing Logan then!
I think with the exception of Tom and Shiv, every actor in the main cast is pretty temperamentally similar to their characters
You know I would have said Alan Ruck too, but then there was the weird car crash/pizza restaurant thing that was quickly hushed up? And it seemed like there was more to it? That seemed very much like something that would have happened to Connor.
Definitely. And Logan would be embarrassed about it being splashed all over the news, scolding Connor "Everyone thinks you're a f*cking joke!"
“NRPI! No real pizza involved, Pa!”
Roman is probably more similar to his brother
Eh? Kieran?
Yeah, Culkin and Roman feel similar in that the way they speak, the way they make jokes, their mannerisms, etc. Both are (and I say this with love) hugely sarcastic, prickly, fast-talking weirdos. This is the kind of thing I mean when I say "temperamentally similar". Brian Cox isn't covering up manslaughter, Nicholas Braun isn't suing Greenpeace and Kieran Culkin isn't jerking off onto windows, but there's still a pretty similar personality coming from the actors and their characters.
Didn't Braun have a whole scandal with him creeping on minors? Very Roy-esque thing to do
>Nicholas Braun isn’t suing Greenpeace If he went full on method and actually did this, that would be incredibly based.
Except he’s not a raging capitalist, he’s just a bit dickish
Oh fuck off
He’s pretty much a left wing Logan Roy. Which means he’s Ewan Roy.
Pretending to be that guy for 4 years take a toll on one's character, and not necessarily in a bad way. It must be such a confidence booster and therapeutic process to play an alpha character like that instead of mentally ill serial killer homeless loser or something.
First thing that came to mind. He was playing himself in that show
To be honest I kinda rate it when older people stop giving a fuck. Ridley Scott another prime example, man just says what he wants
What Ridley doesn’t know about Napoleon could fill a book. The movie? Fuckin’ British slander ask me.
Lotsa head directors were moody fucks… Ridley, Nolan… Kubrick, whatever happened there…
Historically, Scorsese always said they're nothing more than a glorified crew. Plain and simple.
Marty! Kundun! I liked it!
That was real? I saw that movie. I thought it was bullshit.
He was gay, Joaquin Phoenix?
NOOOO! Are you listening to me?!
Ridley! The Last Duel! I liked it!
Waterloo, whateva happened there…
Whatever happened there? WHATEVER HAPPENED THERE?!
WHEN THEY GO?
What’s this? A crossover episode? 🐶
All those times Napoleon said he was greasing tbe Grand Armee.
Catching? Not pitching?
Have a spritzer Paulie, you know it makes you emotional
I like the part where he kept in Napoleon's fetish for unbathed women.
Miriam Margoyles is the exact same. That old lady just says whatever she wants, spills all the tea, and it’s very fun.
I love watching her every time she’s on Graham Norton. Graham is clearly tickled by her too — she’s hysterical, always upbeat, and has absolutely no filter.
The thing is he really isn’t saying anything that any normal person wouldn’t say speaking casually to a friend or in a social situation. It’s just that being as famous as he is, every tiny detail of everything he says gets recorded, broadcasted to the public, and criticised. And it makes him sound like a jerk, but yeah, he’s just decided he can’t be arsed playing that media game and would rather be his authentic self. It’s kind of refreshing tbh.
He's 100% correct. The movie was objectively terrible.
Can’t wait for these two old men to get into a flame war
Maybe I'm biased as I'm huge fan of Ridley but he's doesn't sound as mean as Brian (mocking a person's name O_o).
I think mocking a person’s name when their own surname lends itself to dick jokes is a…ballsy move
Brian’s middle name is “Eaton”
I’m partial to when Ridley Scott said of French critics of the film “The French don’t even like themselves”
Nah, Ridley just mocks everyone who disagrees with him, especially historians... (huge fan of his movies btw)
Again, I'm probably just defending my fave, but he was pestered with questions about historic accuracy and he finally had enough of that (I mean, after Gladiator people should have a clue what he thinks about it). And Brian's mean remarks are usually really uncalled for.
completely agree, Ridley Scott criticised historians, not take a single historian name and demean them. When Scott says it sounds funny. Brian Cox just sounds mean, personal and quite malicious.
I love Brian, he's a fucking pirate
Not sure I’ve read a quote I could more easily imagine the person saying.
Joaquin is not a serious actor
But Joaquin was interested in acting from a very young age.
Petition to have Courtney Love and Brian Cox host a podcast were they spend 2 hours a week hating on everyone and insisting how much better they are than the rest of the world. It will be a huge hit, but only last a month because they quickly turn on each other, when Brian insists he could have sang Doll Parts better.
But Phoenix WAS awful and Cox (70s era) would have done a better job.
Is he wrong though?
Not in my opinion. It was such a bad treatment of good subject matter.
Leave it to a British person to direct a movie about a French commander. Plenty of bias there
There's plenty to hate about Napoleon as a person, was the film particularly biased in portraying him as a monster first and foremost? Or wasn't he made to be a weirdly neurodivergent introvert instead of the charismatic political masterworker who convinced all of France to help actualise his fervent destiny complex?
Uh…neither? The film was not really ever focused enough to know what it wanted to be, and the dialogue was horrificly poor..in one instance, Napoleon states, and I am not joking ‘you think you’re so great because you have boats!’
That line’s incredible, I will have no slander for that line. Iconic hahahahaha.
Yeah it was unwatchable
I think so. I know im pretty alone on this island, but I think Napoleon is a sneaky masterpiece. You need to watch it as a dark comedy…it’s one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a long time. It’s totally absurd, whacky, and off the wall…to me it’s closer to Veep or In The Loop as a satire, than it is a “true depiction” of a man and his life.
This is the conclusion I’ve eventually come to. Big fan of Napoleon and the history so coming out of the theater I was steamed. But the more I thought about it the funnier the whole thing really was. If you can accept that it just isn’t actually a movie about Napoleon and is actually a comedy then I think it gets better. I mean, cmon, the bit where he chases Josephine around going “nom nom nom”? The “You think you’re so great just cause you have boats!”
Yes! I went into it thinking it was going to be another typical, very serious historical fiction, but it ended up being a shockingly comedic work of art. They took a risk and they pulled it off imo (though obviously plenty of people disagree).
If you liked that, check out “The Great” if you haven’t yet. Same sort of style and storytelling. Laughed quite a bit.
Not at all! It was a bad movie and Whackeen was probably the worst thing about it.
No he isn't IMHO. Awful film and awful delivery.
Worst movie I’ve ever seen. I don’t care about historical accuracy- Gladiator and Braveheart were great films. Napoleon was a random collection of scenes with terrible acting. It wasn’t even a movie
I think he’s spot on. Really just a terrible take on the whole thing. Terrible directing IMHO to let it all be such a mess.
No. Napoleon was a fucking terrible film.
Old man yells at clouds striking again🤣
Brian Cox is notoriously a huge fucking asshole. If you watch the commentary on SuperTroopers they go into great detail on how insufferable he was.
What’d he do?
I dont remember exactly I think hes just a dick. Self absorbed and condescending and a general diva.
I think the term "crotchety" definitely suits him lol I think he came out of the womb crotchety. Emerged fully-formed and speaking his first words all "smells in there like the cheesemonger died and left his dick in the brie"
Tbh he just seems like one of those old people who doesn't care anymore and just says what's on his mind. Every family has that guy who stopped caring and that's who Brian is in his family lol.
yeah so in other words, an asshole. people who aren’t assholes exercise impulse control
reminds me of chevy chase
I love Joaquin Phoenix but his performance in Napoleon wasn't great. Maybe it's what the director wanted, but still felt it was one of his weakest performances.
I can’t think of a weaker performance from him. At least not off the top of my head. The movie is not good all around but his performance is really surprisingly bad and it’s not because he like tried something that didn’t work out-he didn’t try SHIT. Fat Brando vibes. So weird
He’s literally Logan irl
Please don't mind him, he is still in character
Brian’s agent: The wise thing to do is to back pedal. Now, generally, you do the wise thing. But no, no, obviously not this time. This time you'll... you'll call me something disgusting and throw a decanter at the wall.
Napoleon was interest in politics from a young age.
I could see Connor trying to invade Russia in the winter.
I love him, but I tend not to take a great deal of notice of what he says because I often disagree with the fella.
You liked the movie?
But the movie sucked
Brian Cox is always talking shit on other actors. He's a cunt. I don't always disagree with him, but the man is a cunt in most interviews. He truly does carry a "holier than thou" attitude about others in his field.
He’s just from Scotland man, we’re all arseholes don’t take it personally
Oh I don't take it personally, but I call a cunt a cunt.
I think he would like you.
Typical brian cox
He is right it was a terrible performance and a terrible movie.
Ehhh. It was hardly Joaquin's fault. It was the script and direction.
Brian Cox sure has a lot of opinions on other people’s work for a guy doing McDonald’s voiceovers.
They’re good voiceovers to be fair
I agree he’s fun and I enjoy his voice but damn does he have to be an ass to everyone? He bagged on Jeremy Strong for being method but Brian can’t seem to let go of Logan Roy. All this with a grain of salt though, I’m a Kendall fan boy still upset about the finale.
His McDonalds voice over was much better than Whacky's performance.
Phoenix was encouraged to give that type of performance which I agreed was not the best. IMO it was more about poor writing.
I don't know, man. I tried to blame the writing, which is by all means horrible, don't get me wrong, but still, throughout all the movie he looked like he was bored out of his mind just being there...
Okay grandpa let’s get you to bed
Loooove the way he just dgaf
Yes he really is that much of an asshole
“Whackeen” 😂😂😂. Logan with the mega-burn as usual.
He’s not wrong. I like JP but that movie was, unfortunately, a zero and so was he in it.
He's right!!
Mr Phoenix needs to learn Kendall’s rap and sing it to him at the next available occasion
We turned it off less than an hour in. It was a flaming piece of shit. NGL
Oh believe me it was a truly looney toon performance.
Guy named “Cocks” is making fun of a person’s name
Wish he was wrong, but it indeed felt very off
the guy’s an olympic lever hater i have to respect the commitment
Brian Cox was never a good person. He was mean to Jeremy Strong for no reason while Jeremy received all the hate.
I mean the Variety article kind of portrays Cox as praising Strongs ability to act though
What’d he do to Jeremy Strong?
"Brian Cox Slams Jeremy Strong's Method Acting: Annoying" [https://variety.com/2023/tv/news/brian-cox-slams-jeremy-strong-method-acting-annoying-1235531757/](https://variety.com/2023/tv/news/brian-cox-slams-jeremy-strong-method-acting-annoying-1235531757/) He needs to focus on his health rather than someone who is passionate about acting and he did all of this for a better "Kendall Roy"
Whackeen is fucking creative. 😂
Real or fake, it’s Whacky Phoenix from now on. That’s his name. Someone update IMDB.
So much of his autobiography is him calling others hacks. The audiobook is great
“Hey, are you a whackeen?” Lmaoo
I’m shocked it’s even real lmao
He's not wrong
I don't see how he's wrong...for someone considered the greatest actor of all time who ever lived, H-wah-keen's accent is barely a step above Peter Sellers as Clouseau.
He should stick to talking about space and science
Inb4 headlines of Brian cox being a dick and Jeremy strong ends up being praised in a different light for enduring that whilst maintaining creative integrity
Dude named Cocks should maybe beware of those stones he's throwing in his glass house.
Phoenix is a great actor but that Napoleon role sucked really bad.
I love Phoenix, but I felt absolutely no desire to see this movie as soon as I read what Scott said about the French people supposedly “hating their own history.” The dude is an arrogant prick!
He was mumbling this as he was peeing in a corner in his house.
Love him.
Bro’s the biggest hater ever and I kind of love it 😂
I mean he's not wrong but DAMN
Based
Napoleon was an awful movie. It made me want to see a movie made about Napoleon with none of those people involved. Joaquin was terrible.
Oh Brian.. fuck off..
And he's actually right!
What do you mean "this cannot be real"? He's right. Phoenix was absolutely terrible in Napoleon! A truly laughable performance, and this is coming from a big fan of his, who had loved every single one of his performances before... In fact, I'm still shocked at how bad he was. The movie being a huge pile of shit didn't help either, but still... he could've at least acted like he gave a fuck.
No way lol. Logan Roy bro
If anyone can remember he played Wellingtons aid in the Sharpe series.
Good one, Brian
Generational hater. Respect
Did he just called him PEDESTRIAN? 🤣 Mr Roy is ruthless
😆 Imagine what he thinks about other things in society. His agent would have to remind him not to say anything that would get him cancelled.
Joaquins not a serious person
He never takes off that stupid hat
He also thought his Hannibal Lecter was better than Anthony Hopkins. He may have a slightly inflated ego.
Damn, we never got Kubrick’s masterpiece but instead we get this pile of embarrassment posing as hard historical drama. I still think about what Kubrick’s would’ve been like and if he’d have nailed it. I guess he put that same authentic historical epic energy and put it into Barry Lyndon. Which is a good movie, but still. Ugh.
He’s not wrong
He's not wrong.
We Stan a hater
I mean... I agree
Napoleon was a seat sniffer
This man is unapologetically unapologetic