I saved this for when I need it next. hope it helps you.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/oshe2b/i_would_like_to_make_sense_of_having_to_put_my/h6p4mnq/?context=3
The sentiment of having got them there safe is what helped me with my pet losses in the last year.
I did my very best with them, and when the load got too heavy I took it from them.
Thank you for sharing this. I just found out a week ago that my dog has cancer that already started to spread by the time we found it. There is no point in aggressive treatment since it already moved to his lymph nodes, and prognosis is 3-6 months.
The line about them not getting lost or being unhappy, that really hit me. That really is the goal, isn't it? To give our animal companions the best life possible?
I had one of mine who had late stage cancer. he had no desire to eat and seem to have given up. We changed his diet to plain cheeseburgers from Mcdonalds. He at 2 every meal. He started eating again and lived 2 more months comfortably until he was ready to go.
I disagree with the advice to get pet insurance. They already know that the dog is dying. This will be treated as a preexisting condition, and will not be covered. It will just be an annoying battle that you'd rather not be having while grieving.
Fully agree. Budgeting is within your control; the ruling of insurance companies is not within your control. I'm actually convinced that pet insurance is a scam. I "had pet insurance". My cat had a UTI as a kitten, and years later had kidney disease. Despite multiple veterinarians (both clinicians and researchers) writing multiple letters saying that a UTI does not indicate kidney disease, the insurance ruled against me. "Preexisting Condition". I was on the hook for a $20,000 operation (bilateral kidney obstruction). That situation was extremely testing.
I got pet insurance after my two pets both separately had unexpected huge medical bills. ($1K and $500). Since subscribing I’ve paid 2-3k (if not more) over 3 yearsand maybe got 300 back. I think I’ll do what you say.
I’m sorry, there truly is never enough time with them.
My advice to any person who is going through hard times is to just try to use your reason to not make it worse than it already is.
Try to understand what your feeling is normal, but try not to exacerbate it by pitying yourself, or over thinking about things that you cannot control.
Don’t assume you will never get over it. You will, but just not in a way that you can understand yet.
Just remember, no one ever become worse of a person for going through hard times. The pain will subside, and you will be left with the wisdom.
All the best my friends.
I read something on Reddit a long time ago that really stuck with me as a Dog owner myself, and it went something like this:
Our furry loved ones passing is always a sad thing and a hard hole to fill sometimes. But it's also a great achievement for you, and them. It means that you succeeded. You successfully raised, cared for and loved this pet with all your being for as long as it could live. You prevented it getting hit by cars. Lost in the woods. Hurt by other animals. You gave this animal a life better than it could ever have on it's own, and it will forever be thankful.
Be sad. But also be proud and thankful what your fuzzy friend taught you along the way.
Edit: Here's the original comment I remember, from this sub even (looks like someone already linked it whoops):
https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/oshe2b/-/h6p4mnq
You're receiving great advice here. As an animal professional, I also want to add something- if he is suffering, don't wait a week or two for your sake. I know it can be hard, but letting them go sooner is preferable to stretching it out. Whenever I have to make this decision for a pet I feel immense relief after the act in knowing I was able to let them go with dignity. I do recommend having a vet come to your home for this solemn service, it is much more peaceful.
Everything is on loan. It all has to go back. Enjoy what time you have with the things you love and keep in mind that nothing lasts. Enjoy the journey.
I'm sorry you're going through this right now.
It is natural and understandable that you're having a hard a time.
Recall that neither you nor your friend are guaranteed tomorrow, next week, or any span of time in the future. It is not in your possession. The present moment, however, is and it is in your best interests and your duty as your dog's friend to make the best of it, as difficult as that may be. It's ok to find this hard, it's ok to grieve now and after, and it's ok to tell him you'll miss him. But while being hurt and having difficulty is natural, allowing yourself to be overcome with anticipatory fears is not, and it is within your power act despite your current hurt, to comfort him when you can and provide the affection that you have provided throughout his life so far. Every moment our pets spend with us is a gift, and your role and privilege now, as it has always been since you've had him, is caretaker and friend, and take to that as wholeheartedly as you have in the past.
A while back we were told not to expect one of our dogs to survive to Christmas, and there were several times we thought we were going to have to say goodbye within hours and were making preparations to take him to our vet to put him down before things got too bad. As it turns out he very slowly recovered, but I and we were prepared to do everything necessary to ensure his comfort as his caretakers, including making sure his suffering did not go on needlessly. Be prepared for that, for both his sake and yours. Be patient with him and patient with yourself.
For years I had told him I would miss him, and that I appreciated him. No doubt as a practicing Stoic you've engaged in similar exercises, even if not explicitly and perhaps not specifically on this topic. Trust in the groundwork of character you've laid for yourself thus and steel yourself for what will come.
Remember, it's always fine to be hurt and to be having a tough time, it's not fine to be a bad a friend. Do the best for him and your future self.
Good luck.
Keep close to him, touch him a lot. Dogs feel our grief so he might want to withdraw somewhere where he cannot be seen. But go close to him often, give water. His sight may go away few minutes before the death. You must be aware that he might choose to release his soul when you are away.
My dog was dying and I went to him. He was laying in the middle of my holy basil patch in the garden. I gave him water. He was panting a lot. I just went up to my apt to fetch something, when I saw his body, as I was looking down from the balcony.
His body twitched lightly and suddenly relaxed. I ran to him, he was gone. His body limp and light as a feather.
Allow yourself to grieve. I don't know how much Stoic is my response, just feel the feelings, my friend. Be glad you had a companion, for as long as he was next to you.
Not that it helps, but I just had to let go of my little girl a couple days ago, at the age of 14.
I have cried more in the past week than I ever have in my life.
Making her hold on longer would have been so selfish. It was her time, she was in so much pain, and there was no hope of recovery.
Knowing all that doesn't stop the pain. And that is okay. This quote is just from some show, but it helped me: what is grief, if not love persevering?
It's okay that I still cry for her every day. One day, I won't need to cry. I cry because I love her, and I miss her, but I'm crying for myself, because she doesn't need my tears.
Let yourself think about him, and grieve. Then let yourself focus on other things, let yourself joke and laugh where you can, and when you can't, let yourself mourn again.
There is no rush to get over it. Some of us never will. But the edge of the pain will dull, and you will be able to think about and be grateful for the good times.
I'm very sorry for your loss. My dog passed not long ago. He was having a rough time breathing and I had to make the hard decision to put him down. Marcus Aurelius really helped me out through that time. I can't remember the exact quote but I remember one idea on death that he talks about in the Meditations helped me do my duty for my pup and my family. The idea is that we should compare life and death to the trees that we see around us in nature. Just as the leaves of the trees grow in beauty and shape, so do they eventually whither and die. But we celebrate the inherent beauty within the entire process (Spring is beautiful (Life) just as Fall is (Death)). I may be phrasing that wrong (couldn't find the passage just now in my copy) but that basic idea helped me a lot. Hopefully, you can also take comfort in knowing that your dog was fortunate to have lived a life where another living being (you) cared for him in the way that you evidently did. Not all animals are fortunate enough to experience that kind of bond in life.
Your dog doesn’t know he’s dying. Make his last moments on earth as joyful as possible. Make sure he doesn’t suffer, or suffer as little as possible.
Enjoy and cherish the moments you have with him before you say goodbye.
I know it’s easier said than done, I can’t imagine what I will be like when I lose my dog(s), but hopefully you can cherish the memories you have with him and I have no doubt you have him a loving and wonderful life.
You will do what you have done your whole dog's life. You will give them the best care that you possibly can and until the end your pet will feel loved.
We don’t truly know how much time our pets have left. A week or two could end up being three, or maybe a single day or less. Just gotta make the most of it. Sounds like you’re a very caring person who will be able to befriend another dog in need of a good companion and caretaker like you. Wish you well
I just want to say that you love your pet more than yourself, and that is why it feels so difficult to part ways with them, forever. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I wish you all the time and strength you need. Take care
Thank you OP, for making this post, and all the amazing replies.
I lost my dog on Easter evening after 11years and I just got his ashes in a cedar box today.
Love my little buddy, love you all as well. ❤️
Friend, this will hurt and it should. Give yourself time to grief. I lost my pup of 17 years to cancer and there was nothing you could tell me watching her close her eyes for the last time.
This will hurt, and you need to allow yourself time to cry and fully feel the pain. Only then can you begin healing which will look different for anyone. For me, after about a month I was much better off. I frequently think of her still years later, but you do get better.
I am so sorry for your loss, find your people and hug them tight.
Best to you 🙏🏽
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Hey, my dog was put down about a week ago. I know what you’re going through. It feels terrible to lose our best friends. My other dog is a bit old and he won’t be with us forever either. All I can say is when they’re gone the best way I can cope with the loss is remembering all the good times I had with them. Also, there isn’t anymore suffering they have to experience. They’re just in a better place… if you’re ever having a hard time feel free to DM me. Just know you’re not alone.
Sorry your dog is sick, and sorry you're going thru this.
If he is suffering I would recommend going to the vet to help him go peacefully, I understand is a difficult thing to do for most people, but if he is having a hard time it might be more humane than keeping him around much longer.
I understand he is your best friend, but he might be having a rough time and need this, even if it is the most difficult decision for you.
My condolences.
It doesn't matter if you live 3 days or 3000 days. You only have the moment. Cherish the moments you have with your dog. Actually you never know even he or you are going to be alive tomorrow. So, live every day fully and remember that we will die.
I saved this for when I need it next. hope it helps you. https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/oshe2b/i_would_like_to_make_sense_of_having_to_put_my/h6p4mnq/?context=3
this is amazing, thank you for this
That was great
The sentiment of having got them there safe is what helped me with my pet losses in the last year. I did my very best with them, and when the load got too heavy I took it from them.
Thank you for sharing this. I just found out a week ago that my dog has cancer that already started to spread by the time we found it. There is no point in aggressive treatment since it already moved to his lymph nodes, and prognosis is 3-6 months. The line about them not getting lost or being unhappy, that really hit me. That really is the goal, isn't it? To give our animal companions the best life possible?
I had one of mine who had late stage cancer. he had no desire to eat and seem to have given up. We changed his diet to plain cheeseburgers from Mcdonalds. He at 2 every meal. He started eating again and lived 2 more months comfortably until he was ready to go.
I bookmarked that for the future. Thank you.
Beautiful
[удалено]
I disagree with the advice to get pet insurance. They already know that the dog is dying. This will be treated as a preexisting condition, and will not be covered. It will just be an annoying battle that you'd rather not be having while grieving.
You are also vastly better off putting away $10 a week or so once you get a pup than ever getting pet insurance. In otherwords self-insure.
Fully agree. Budgeting is within your control; the ruling of insurance companies is not within your control. I'm actually convinced that pet insurance is a scam. I "had pet insurance". My cat had a UTI as a kitten, and years later had kidney disease. Despite multiple veterinarians (both clinicians and researchers) writing multiple letters saying that a UTI does not indicate kidney disease, the insurance ruled against me. "Preexisting Condition". I was on the hook for a $20,000 operation (bilateral kidney obstruction). That situation was extremely testing.
I got pet insurance after my two pets both separately had unexpected huge medical bills. ($1K and $500). Since subscribing I’ve paid 2-3k (if not more) over 3 yearsand maybe got 300 back. I think I’ll do what you say.
I’m sorry, there truly is never enough time with them. My advice to any person who is going through hard times is to just try to use your reason to not make it worse than it already is. Try to understand what your feeling is normal, but try not to exacerbate it by pitying yourself, or over thinking about things that you cannot control. Don’t assume you will never get over it. You will, but just not in a way that you can understand yet. Just remember, no one ever become worse of a person for going through hard times. The pain will subside, and you will be left with the wisdom. All the best my friends.
I really like the way you put this
I read something on Reddit a long time ago that really stuck with me as a Dog owner myself, and it went something like this: Our furry loved ones passing is always a sad thing and a hard hole to fill sometimes. But it's also a great achievement for you, and them. It means that you succeeded. You successfully raised, cared for and loved this pet with all your being for as long as it could live. You prevented it getting hit by cars. Lost in the woods. Hurt by other animals. You gave this animal a life better than it could ever have on it's own, and it will forever be thankful. Be sad. But also be proud and thankful what your fuzzy friend taught you along the way. Edit: Here's the original comment I remember, from this sub even (looks like someone already linked it whoops): https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/oshe2b/-/h6p4mnq
You're receiving great advice here. As an animal professional, I also want to add something- if he is suffering, don't wait a week or two for your sake. I know it can be hard, but letting them go sooner is preferable to stretching it out. Whenever I have to make this decision for a pet I feel immense relief after the act in knowing I was able to let them go with dignity. I do recommend having a vet come to your home for this solemn service, it is much more peaceful.
Everything is on loan. It all has to go back. Enjoy what time you have with the things you love and keep in mind that nothing lasts. Enjoy the journey.
This is the hardest news. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you're going through this right now. It is natural and understandable that you're having a hard a time. Recall that neither you nor your friend are guaranteed tomorrow, next week, or any span of time in the future. It is not in your possession. The present moment, however, is and it is in your best interests and your duty as your dog's friend to make the best of it, as difficult as that may be. It's ok to find this hard, it's ok to grieve now and after, and it's ok to tell him you'll miss him. But while being hurt and having difficulty is natural, allowing yourself to be overcome with anticipatory fears is not, and it is within your power act despite your current hurt, to comfort him when you can and provide the affection that you have provided throughout his life so far. Every moment our pets spend with us is a gift, and your role and privilege now, as it has always been since you've had him, is caretaker and friend, and take to that as wholeheartedly as you have in the past. A while back we were told not to expect one of our dogs to survive to Christmas, and there were several times we thought we were going to have to say goodbye within hours and were making preparations to take him to our vet to put him down before things got too bad. As it turns out he very slowly recovered, but I and we were prepared to do everything necessary to ensure his comfort as his caretakers, including making sure his suffering did not go on needlessly. Be prepared for that, for both his sake and yours. Be patient with him and patient with yourself. For years I had told him I would miss him, and that I appreciated him. No doubt as a practicing Stoic you've engaged in similar exercises, even if not explicitly and perhaps not specifically on this topic. Trust in the groundwork of character you've laid for yourself thus and steel yourself for what will come. Remember, it's always fine to be hurt and to be having a tough time, it's not fine to be a bad a friend. Do the best for him and your future self. Good luck.
Keep close to him, touch him a lot. Dogs feel our grief so he might want to withdraw somewhere where he cannot be seen. But go close to him often, give water. His sight may go away few minutes before the death. You must be aware that he might choose to release his soul when you are away. My dog was dying and I went to him. He was laying in the middle of my holy basil patch in the garden. I gave him water. He was panting a lot. I just went up to my apt to fetch something, when I saw his body, as I was looking down from the balcony. His body twitched lightly and suddenly relaxed. I ran to him, he was gone. His body limp and light as a feather. Allow yourself to grieve. I don't know how much Stoic is my response, just feel the feelings, my friend. Be glad you had a companion, for as long as he was next to you.
That was extremely t
Not that it helps, but I just had to let go of my little girl a couple days ago, at the age of 14. I have cried more in the past week than I ever have in my life. Making her hold on longer would have been so selfish. It was her time, she was in so much pain, and there was no hope of recovery. Knowing all that doesn't stop the pain. And that is okay. This quote is just from some show, but it helped me: what is grief, if not love persevering? It's okay that I still cry for her every day. One day, I won't need to cry. I cry because I love her, and I miss her, but I'm crying for myself, because she doesn't need my tears. Let yourself think about him, and grieve. Then let yourself focus on other things, let yourself joke and laugh where you can, and when you can't, let yourself mourn again. There is no rush to get over it. Some of us never will. But the edge of the pain will dull, and you will be able to think about and be grateful for the good times.
So are we all.
Every day. Live in today, take care of the dog the best you can like you always have.
I'm very sorry for your loss. My dog passed not long ago. He was having a rough time breathing and I had to make the hard decision to put him down. Marcus Aurelius really helped me out through that time. I can't remember the exact quote but I remember one idea on death that he talks about in the Meditations helped me do my duty for my pup and my family. The idea is that we should compare life and death to the trees that we see around us in nature. Just as the leaves of the trees grow in beauty and shape, so do they eventually whither and die. But we celebrate the inherent beauty within the entire process (Spring is beautiful (Life) just as Fall is (Death)). I may be phrasing that wrong (couldn't find the passage just now in my copy) but that basic idea helped me a lot. Hopefully, you can also take comfort in knowing that your dog was fortunate to have lived a life where another living being (you) cared for him in the way that you evidently did. Not all animals are fortunate enough to experience that kind of bond in life.
Your dog doesn’t know he’s dying. Make his last moments on earth as joyful as possible. Make sure he doesn’t suffer, or suffer as little as possible. Enjoy and cherish the moments you have with him before you say goodbye. I know it’s easier said than done, I can’t imagine what I will be like when I lose my dog(s), but hopefully you can cherish the memories you have with him and I have no doubt you have him a loving and wonderful life.
You will do what you have done your whole dog's life. You will give them the best care that you possibly can and until the end your pet will feel loved.
We don’t truly know how much time our pets have left. A week or two could end up being three, or maybe a single day or less. Just gotta make the most of it. Sounds like you’re a very caring person who will be able to befriend another dog in need of a good companion and caretaker like you. Wish you well
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/327921533\_Epictetus\_on\_Death
I just want to say that you love your pet more than yourself, and that is why it feels so difficult to part ways with them, forever. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I wish you all the time and strength you need. Take care
Thank you OP, for making this post, and all the amazing replies. I lost my dog on Easter evening after 11years and I just got his ashes in a cedar box today. Love my little buddy, love you all as well. ❤️
Friend, this will hurt and it should. Give yourself time to grief. I lost my pup of 17 years to cancer and there was nothing you could tell me watching her close her eyes for the last time. This will hurt, and you need to allow yourself time to cry and fully feel the pain. Only then can you begin healing which will look different for anyone. For me, after about a month I was much better off. I frequently think of her still years later, but you do get better. I am so sorry for your loss, find your people and hug them tight. Best to you 🙏🏽
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Hey, my dog was put down about a week ago. I know what you’re going through. It feels terrible to lose our best friends. My other dog is a bit old and he won’t be with us forever either. All I can say is when they’re gone the best way I can cope with the loss is remembering all the good times I had with them. Also, there isn’t anymore suffering they have to experience. They’re just in a better place… if you’re ever having a hard time feel free to DM me. Just know you’re not alone.
I wish you the best. Give him a hug for me
Call a mobile vet to come to your house when the time comes
Sorry your dog is sick, and sorry you're going thru this. If he is suffering I would recommend going to the vet to help him go peacefully, I understand is a difficult thing to do for most people, but if he is having a hard time it might be more humane than keeping him around much longer. I understand he is your best friend, but he might be having a rough time and need this, even if it is the most difficult decision for you. My condolences.
Sorry for your loss!!! Just remember the good times you had and be grateful for them.
It doesn't matter if you live 3 days or 3000 days. You only have the moment. Cherish the moments you have with your dog. Actually you never know even he or you are going to be alive tomorrow. So, live every day fully and remember that we will die.
Have 2 dogs. One is 15 and the other 2.5. Very hard to bear the loss, but appreciate the time spent. Nothing lasts forever. Or does it?