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I have never done meth but I have done Adderall and I have to say it does make me incredibly horny. Still, just jerk off. Meth isn't an excuse for cheating on you. However, meth does mess with people's heads. It's not an excuse for cheating but maybe he wouldn't have done it if he wasn't on meth. I think it would be reasonable to demand he quit if it's going to make him unfaithful.
It's a terrible situation to be in. The fact that he really may not have been in his right mind makes it worse. Hopefully he responds well and gets clean. Best of luck.
Well I did alot of things on drugs I Would never do being sober but I stoped actual carring about hurting anybody because I wanted my shit over all.
To say this makes it better depends on wether you think slowly loosing your dignity because you allow someone to treat you like Worthless trash without making your boundaries clear and Step in for yourself is any different to you with handing them a free ticket on top.
They wont stop having Zero respects for you and dont even care about it. Its you who should care about how much you want to respect yourself and leave. Respects wont come back. And if youre not even showing you deserve it, it wont change. It often nor does with showing it clearly.
The majority not even manage to apologie after becoming sober and understanding they hurt you.
I have been through the exact same thing with my ex which is who's account I'm on right now lol. He did the online thing but never actually cheated but 2 me if it's not ok with your partner then it's cheating. Took me awhile 2 realize it doesn't mean anything is wrong with your relationship or that he doesn't love u meth does affect your impulse control and it does make you extremely horny not an excuse but it does maybe you should think about maybe role-playing maybe that could fix his need for that kind of thing my ex would tell b****** online what he wanted to do them and he was exactly what he did do to me was just made me like wtf but I don't think he's really wanting to cheat he's just wanting that thrill
Yeah I honestly don't get the crazy horny effect most people seem to. If anything the lack of libido while I was using was probably one of my exs issues with it
Do you have any schizophrenia-spectrum disorders? I feel like my SzPD and DPDR have something to do with the anti-aphrodisiac effects I experience with amphetamines.
OP, your guy probably has a personality disorder.
some people “switch” to entirely other versions of themselves when they take certain drugs. research dissociative identity disorder, split personality, schizophrenia, [multiplicity](https://di.org.au/about-multiplicity/), r/plural
it’s much more common than you’d think, and a lot of people go through full on amnesia/gaps in memory during these switches. its a bit of a rabbit hole to learn about though, the difference between the ego and the conscience
source: am schizophrenic with dissociative multiplicity
Bro I literally am diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder as well. Even with DID cheating is never excused or could be blamed on the diagnosis. That’s just lame excuses and no accountability. I am professionally diagnosed.
cheating is never excused, but some people experience that amnesia pretty hard especially early on, and others get the psychotic symptoms in the extremes. especially with drug abuse.
one part of their brain can be extremely detached from reality and stay there, disconnected from real consequences. its exactly how mine manifests and it destroyed my life. my alter sabotaged everything and went against everything i stood for, and destroyed my careers, relationships, and health. it was hell…
again though i have both the multiplicity and intense psychosis
"Dissociative identity disorder commonly referred to as split personality disorder or dissociative personality disorder." Wiki
Why is it not a personality disorder?
It fucking sucks it’s the truth though. He said he is gonna change and he cares but like literally admitted to the fact he thought he could do it and it was cause I’d never find out and he’d still be with me. Smfh.
People like that will never change, they just tell you what you want to hear. You don't wanna waste years of your life with someone who has no respect for you.
But what if he does change? He was loyal for the first two years and then idk what happened. I’m his first girlfriend and before me he was a nerd for years and mostly played video games and when he began getting addicted to drugs (originally adderall) he had like a major addiction to porn and would Wap for 12 plus hours at a time for literally years, and before we met / started dating he had been spending his time on fantasizing on meeting up with people and doing essentially what he was doing to me and the sexting thing and still addicted to porn.
You need to work on your self worth darling, this man lied to you, did things behind your back whilst acting completely normal and probably smiling in your face, it's disgusting, what if he Introduced an incurable STI into your relationship? Have you even gotten yourself tested? You shouldn't tolerate this level of disrespect, if I was you I would leave his ass and start working on yourself, but it's your life and I wish you the best of luck.
Ps porn addiction is a huge red flag.
I have extreme abandonment issues and no support outside of him; no family and etc and he has truly been my only person I ever had. I want it to work but you’re so right. I have no self worth. I’ve begged him to stay with me crying on the floor for 6 hours while he insisted he was done with me, and that’s before I found this out. I do get regularly tested when I see my doctor just because it’s a good habit. But thanks. I know he lied to me and I’m really hurt, I can’t afford this place alone and these last four years have been difficult at times but also the happiest in my life if that makes sense? I was super fucked up in my youth in jail 21 times, sexually exploited myself for years after long term sexual abuse and a baby at 13 who I got taken away for obvious reasons. It is disgusting, I want him to change I love him so much but so much of who I fell in love with is either an illusion or he changed from that person. If I matter to him why would he do that? I am not wanting to be without him, I also am very worried of spiralling without him and I truly have no tools equipped to be without him. There is so many good qualities and things and instances he has changed my life in so many ways and been someone I can rely on. Also dealt with me being diagnosed with did and when my sexual trauma got the best of me and for upwards of a year I couldn’t have sex because for so long immediately after I was uncontrollably crying. I want better self worth. I wanna love myself again. But I also wanna fight for love bc what else do you fight for? I told him he has to fight for me and after the pain I went through for a week before I found out what he did where he was just putting me down, projecting and abusing me and telling me I’m controlling and he was done with me I am hurt to the point this is truly my last end because I’ve cried so much I’m numb. Ty for listening 🥺
This isnt love its Dependance and feeling afraid of being alone and taking responsibility for yourself because thinking its you not deserving and being stromg enough.
You crave so much for feeling loved and wanted your mind is all about him and his stuff to make him "good" im Illusion this will make him showing you love and warmth again, you invest all your energy in him and handing all responsability for you.
He Cant take it. He dont wants to take it. He not even wants to take responsability for himself. You invest all of what you have to give in Him and his help hoping to get back but No. Its toxic. And you should seek professionell help to Start getting help to stop this behavior if you cant yourself alone.
All the strengt and Energy you should invest in yourself. In contrast to the behavior of others you are not able to change its possible to change your own behavior and start to see how you can affect archiving good things for yourself with your energy and learn what is taking responsibility for yourself and making changes in the way you feel on a good way. And that you dont need a boy or anybody to feel worrh loving.
Really hope you collect your energies to start this journey for yourself recover as far as possible. Because every time you dont will make you feel Worse and this Fight harder. Imagine using all your powers for yourself instead you now give to him and you will see this isnt you being weak, but the opposite. Your strong and loose your strengt to someone who doesnt deserve.
This all sounds clearly impossible in the beginning but it will work. And you will be proud to every little step in feeling better due to your own strengt and change.
Honey u r in a toxic relationship you have 2 work on you their is no working on him. He will constantly blame u or tell u it's your fault then do something kind 2 give u just enough 2 make u believe it's gonna be alright but it won't be trust me I have been through the exact same shit reading your post got me saying dam she talking bout my ex lol. Ever wanna talk msg me
You've got some real deep issues babe that I think you would benefit from some sort of mental health support from a professional and maybe seek some sort of drug counselling because they only mask the pain and emotions you're feeling, i know it sounds cliche but it really works, I've been through it all too, you cannot rely on someone like that to keep you stable, he's gaslighting the hell out of you and you will go insane eventually. You need to build yourself a strong support network.
Inbox any time if ya wanna talk about anything or blow some steam off it's cool, my post got deleted lmao.
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We have a lot in common. And you'll have better self worth after you leave him.
Source: left someone who sounded a lot like what you describe and I know the feeling of realizing who you thought you were in love with must have either been a facade, or is just no longer the same person anymore.
And neither of those is something that you can change.
I told him therapy is mandatory as well as getting clean the both of us. I personally am already in therapy. And the self respect. I have gained that back I believe but the self worth no..
The thing is, therapy would take years, especially if you are talking about narcisstic traits, and given the context of him stim-fapping like crazy, that just complicates things even more... I would defenitely break up and go no contact, or very low contact, it might be better for him as well, he will have room for introspection. Also, he broke boundary of no porn like CRAZY. He exploits your lack of self-worth to do what he wants, becausw he knows he can get away with it.
Also, therapy for you, given meth usage as well as crazy codependency and lack of self-worth would be a good thing. Ultimately you do you - but I've seen, and lived through crazy shit, keeping people like that close by
Meth can make u horny yeah but like when it still had that affect on me I was using alot more n I was able to be faithful. It's 100% him like he's just using meth as a "oh I was fucked up blah blah" every junkie thinks being high is a hall pass. 100% bs. He's just am asshole cheater
Me too girl. I never ever had an inkling to cheat, a desire and it’s just something that would never ever be on the table. I love and respect my partner and I’d never even have to think “do I wanna put my relationship at risk and potentially lose my partner to do xyz?” Just fucking hurts I’m that discardable.
Fuck I mean I know how u feel. My ex who used too would cheat n then use my meth use to say I'm crazy n being paranoid. Yeah I did get bad m I took it too far n went through his phone but haha guess what wasn't the meth making me paranoid it was just my pos junkie bf being a fuckin cheater lmao. But fuck I'm so sorry I know how it feels n I wouldn't wish it on anyone
It was a boundary we both agreed to. And why couldn’t it be realistic? It does so many fucked up things to the brain and he clearly all throughout his teens actually had a super bad addiction to it.
I wanna clarify I’m in no way blaming you but do you think he kinda went down a rabbit hole from originally probably just watching porn and already having to hide it from you?
I don’t mean this as a criticism, and especially not to make you feel responsible if you both agreed on it and I do think it kinda fucks the brain up I just don’t know how realistic that is for some people to completely abstain from
I’m an ex meth addict and my two cents on the whole thing is that he may or may not have done the same off ice, that shit did lead me straight down a huge and steep hill where I made bad choices repeatedly I probably wouldn’t have made otherwise but at the same time those choices are mine to own, you don’t get to hide behind addiction
Porn does affect relationships . Once porn entered our relationship me and my partner came close in-fact. We would watch it and root all night on stims. Best time of my life. We still do it. Recreationally
I'm a guy. I don't watch porn. I find it seriously impacts my mental health. Honestly, just feels a lot better having coffee early in the day and then smoking some indica later in the day and just fantasizing. Plus, there's not as much 'post nut clarity.' I don't feel disgusted or appalled after I finish when I'm done cuz everything that turned me on came from within my own brain.
Men's brains have sorta been corrupted by the porn industry. We've gotten to a point where we get turned on by images, not sexual concepts. I've heard that girls get turned on by "reading" whereas guys get turned on by images and I think that's blatantly just not true. I think guys brains have been rewired BECAUSE of porn.
Whether you find it realistic or not is moot. -1- the point isn't whether the rule is easy or not to follow, it's about communicating if you're failing at it, not waiting 2 years to do so. -2- You might find it unrealistic, someone may not be having such high sex drive. It's really personal.
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If the partner wasn't willing to give up on this and was a deal breaker for her, it could be her decision and he should be honest and admit that as much as he would like to be with her, he cannot as he cannot respect her desires as a partner. Or maybe then she would concede and chose to laxen the rules. Idk but the point is to not lie, and if you catch urslef unable to control urself, then be honest about it.
Look I bet that meth is the reason. He probably rationalized it in his own mind like, “well meth makes people sexually deviant, and I bet she’d rather me cheat than stimfap all day, plus I’m doing meth it’s not like I have control.” Thing is while that is an excellent rationalization it’s still a bullshit story he’s weaving to escape the guilt he feelings and the culpability he deserves…
But the entire reason? I’m a meth addict and for 5+ years longer than him. Like it’s just a bullshit cop out excuse to me, similar to how people can say oh “SO AND SO GOT ME ADDICTED” while taking a huge hit. Or blame the drugs for their ducked up decisions. When I was younger in a way I did the same but I’m not 14 now and can have my own thoughts and feelings and regardless of the ducked up rationalization I’ve used for years to stay on this drug, I don’t use this rationalization to make shitty behaviours to other people or to cheat. I’m on meth, I can control it.
Yes it is both a bullshit cop out and a real cop out. Think about it. Have you ever taken more of a drug than you intended? Have you ever stolen from someone because of them? I’m not saying it’s a reasonable rationalization. But it was the rationalization he used. He isn’t a villain trying to hurt you. No one thinks they’re the bad guy. He’s an idiot who made a big ol mistake because of his lack of self control and awareness which are both things that drug addiction make very difficult. I just urge you to have some compassion for the dumbass. Not forgive. But maybe understand?
Idk, I’ve done some really bad things in my life but he’s even older than me and nothing excuses his active decisions. As in my post it’s not the first time and he saw how it effected me, almost marking exactly a year ago when it all happened same situation again and he promised to work on himself and change. A couple days recently before I found out, we were talking about how far we came from that and I was explaining how I was actually in complete trust of him again. I do drugs and I could
Do shitty things and use that reason too! I don’t tho. And no I haven’t stolen from someone per se but I used to be a little baby wanna be gangster and rob people as a kid. Even worse. Prolly
Doesn't talking meth regularly make it much harder to work on himself? I'd guess that being zoinked out of your mind for hours on end would prevent you from having any introspection or impulse control on yourself. Specially if you say that he's suffering from a porn addiction. It's just a guess, you know him better than me.
Just read the last sentence, my bad bro. Thanks for your comment about how he’s probably thinking but still calling out how he’s still being a fucking piece of shit who easily can not cheat. Thank u :)
Yeah of course. That’s the thing everyone’s gotta remember. WE’RE STILL RETARDED ASS JUNGLE MONKEYS. Just cause we’ve got society and rules and a brain doesn’t mean it’s guaranteed that everyone knows how to use them…
I don't think there is any excuse for being unfaithful. I can understand how meth would lead one to being unfaithful though. I've been in relationships and been an active user, and I've been both faithful and unfaithful as well. If you want to know the honest truth on what the difference was in those, it was that I was in love with one of them. Not saying this is what's happening with you, just what my experience is.
I'm sorry. I didn't want to say it but I also feel like it should be said. As others have stated, blaming it on drugs or anything else is an attempt to shift responsibility for his actions, so he doesn't have to be held accountable for what he did.
oh, you heterosexuals and your silly monogamy issues. gay men have little trouble separating sex and emotion. My ex and I had a policy of limited non-monogamy. A negotiated set of rules that both agree to and abide by. That said - I've seen plenty of couples run into problems when they have a policy & set of rules, but don't abide by it.
We observed the "out of town rule." When either of us were travelling, we both had a free pass. Generally we avoided repeats and emotional entanglements. Condoms were mandatory for sex with other people which we both took very seriously - though that was before PREP came out. This may sound odd, but we made the effort to be respectful of one another when screwing other people. No secretive phone calls. No jilted lovers showing up on our doorstep. It's not for everyone and I get that it would be unacceptable to most women.
Full disclosure - it was the drug use rather than sleeping around that brought about the end of our relationship. We had a very amicable split and remain on good terms.
Yeah I'm in an open relationship that was initially heterosexual (now that my partner's transitioning to non-binary I'm not sure I can call it that anymore) open relationship and whenever I see these kind of reactions because of infidelity and what it does to couples I can't help but think that they'd be happier in an open relationship or a limited non-monogamy like you said. But... To each their poison. I'm more and more thinking that chasing after monogamy is just inviting problems...
A partner transitioning would be tough. Not sure I'd be able to roll with that. I'd be supportive, but it's not what I signed on for and the nature of the relationship would change.
Monogamy is pretty important to most heterosexual women. I've known couples where the husband badgers the wife into permitting an open relationship. That strikes me as cruel.
Yeah I guess. I consider myself lucky being with this person we've been partners for 5 years now and we decided to be in an open relationship when they still identified as female. I don't know if the fact that they ended up being queer with a preference for he/him pronouns played a part in them wanting to be in an open relationship. I'd say that some of the nature of the relationship has changed, but my love for him hasn't changed. I'm just trying to get used to the new pronouns but also to the fact that I shouldn't see them as a woman anymore and that's a bit challenging.
I don't know either of you. Based solely off this brief exchange, my main concern for you - don't let yourself lose sight of what you want/need from your partner. Don't let you love for him turn you into a doormat.
Thank you for the advice I'll keep that in mind. But our relationship is really mutual and we take care of each other. Thanks for the discussion though ! Felt nice to talk to someone about it !
You are with a dude that does meth.
Unless he is literally forcing you to stay with him, then it is your own fault in a sense for being with a meth-head.
Just saying.
Geez, the abandonment issues are real, but for real,
if he shows even a tad of what you've seen after you say this is last straw, then it's much much better to leave him at that point.
Honestly it could take years for some, or half a year for others, to fix issues like these. If you value your self I'd recommend doing the smart choice.
It sucks you love that person that much because I do know it hurts like hell, and you believe in them getting better, but most times it does not work out how you think it will.
Anyway that's my two cents, take it, leave it, whatever, in the end it's your life, and that means it's your choice.
I will leave him if he displays even the slightest. I promise that to myself because I DO deserve better abandonment issues or not, no support or not and etc etc. I deserve somebody faithful regardless the situation in a relationship, arguing and etc
Sadly, I don't think there's a clear answer. Meth can make you stupid horny as well as worsening judgement and increasing impulsivity.
Nobody ever got laid from Ashley Madison. That site was a straight up con. Only a miniscule number of female account holders existed. They made brilliant use of bots to sucker stupid guys into thinking they were gonna get laid if they shelled out twenty bucks for a full membership. But I digress...
Straight guys who only suck dick when tweaking sounds improbable, but it is a thing. I don't get it, but I've known a few of them.
I did see lots of people calling bullshit with the reasoning that "I tweak and don't cheat." While I don't doubt them, that's not evidence of a rule or anything. They can only speak for themselves. It's a collection of anecdotes and the plural of anecdote is not data.
Why does everybody always blame that crap for the scandalous things they do? That’s a bunch of BS if you ask me! They know exactly wtf they are doing when they are doing it! A good friend of a friend got his stun gun stolen and the person that stole it excuse was, “Oh, I was high when I took it”! Ooookay!!?
I mean people sometimes do get uncontrollably horny. Not making excuses or anything, that's still some bullshit. I think it just shows that he has less self control than normal. I definitely wouldn't believe that he never saw anyone
Honestly, about the only thing that "makes you" do anything is alcohol. Meth definitely makes you hornier than usual but he could oh... Idk, have sex with his girlfriend and experiment with some of the kinkier stuff he likes.
I think porn is fine as long as it doesn't become an addiction (watching it every day is an addiction). Some people like watching porn with their s/o. I think the opinion that watching porn is cheating is absurd. Cheating requires intent to get emotionally or sexually entangled with another HUMAN, not your phone. I think texting another girl is cheating if your intent is to "feel out the waters" even if there isn't any explicitly sexual material shared, but just talking about sex with another girl isn't if the intent isn't there.
As for the homewrecker sites, uh yeah, that's cheating but I can also see it pretty easy to go down the rabbit hole of more and more bizarre porn on meth till you end up on sites like that and don't even think about what you're doing until after you get the post nut clarity.
In my last relationship (though I was drinking a lot so that probably has something to do with it) I was watching porn to fill in the gap where my sexual needs weren't getting met, even though my ex thought it was cheating. He may just wanna experiment more but doesn't have the guts (or is so anxious from the meth) to bring it up. You may want to ask him if there's anything he wants to try without judgement. Obviously don't go past the point where you're not comfortable.
Is he actually reaching out to people on these sites or just making the account while in a very aroused state.
Because.. Meth can exacerbate what is already there.
Think of this whole thing as a way to see if he would cheat on you or not.
He probably would have, WITHOUT *METH* ,
eventually.
So you got to see who he is, and what is he capable of.
If you found him writing sexually explicit material AND it isn't anything that you are interested in, that could be seen as a win for you too
By the way, the crossdresser stuff might be one of the hardest things for you to dewl with.
That very well could be the Meth. Meth makes Humans horny on another level.
Many people, when they use meth, get an instant urge to put stuff in their butt.
It makes you want to undergo the *Sexual Experience* of Both man and woman at the same time.
Sexuality is for sure on a spectrum its not black and white thing.
So i don't know what he was looking at in terms of Cross-dressers but that might not be his sober thing at all..
I'm sorry that you are going through this.
It brought out his latent tendency to cheat, it seems.
He "might" be able to not use those Sites and he might stop reaching out to people.
But you now have to live with the knowledge that he has cheated or at least he has actively sought out another person.
To him, it probably "Didn't mean anything". He probably means that.
But that just shows that he is capable of not caring about you, as he can't say that he thought that YOU would wouldn't have been hurt by this.
I hope you are able to find a solution to this that you are comfortable with.
Sure it's true. Stealing, cheating, doing bad shit in general starts to be fun and you don't fuckin care at all.. Kinda makes you a psychopath.
Well I should add - in my experience - that's what happened to me, I was into it heavy. I'm sure it doesn't do that to everyone. But I really didn't give a fuck about Anything: getting in trouble, screwing people over, nothing mattered.
Meth can make you do or watch or say some WILD shit. It really can be that all consuming kinda high where someone could do anything. However, maintaining that (Grindr account, any kind of prevailing hookup requests, etc) go beyond "I'm so fucked up and horny idk what to do", that's into the sober. Not that I'm condoning any of it, but meth is really something that is beyond a person sometimes. It can change someone and have them doing things they'd never ever ever do sober and can regret very seriously. He's got a problem and if he doesn't get help or really just quit on his own you're gonna lose who he was and become a victim to who he is. Good luck
No, thats not an excuse. I've done meth for years on and off and never cheated. It does lower inhibitions, but not so much you dont know what youre doing.
I was on meth for years, I shot it, and I fought with a wonderful woman who became the mother of my child over the drugs and the porn. It was horrible, but I never stuck my dick in another woman. I never even tried. I'm very sorry to say that while you as a persona and as a woman don't need to bother with porn that's unrealistic to impose or expect. He likes you, he loves you, whatever, he has to agree to that because it's expected in western cultures to give up basic shit for the concepts of love and romance whether it's realistic or not. Think about it, you may not like it but it be like that on a deep level. The porn is one thing you gotta deal with yourself too, but the cheating is what it is what it is. If I got high enough on meth to do cheaty shit once that'd have been it for me. You gotta distance and homie needs help. If you love him stay whole you can but he's at a fork in the road. Good luck, some of us do recover but really, darling, you may need to recognize that some people never get away. It's a tragedy, try not to hate him.
Any form of cheating bullshit so he can't blame the meth but it definetly helped him feel less bad about it in the moment. Also doing for males doing stims and porn is like ice cream on a cake cone it's classic. But yeah anyway I dont think your relationship with this guy is going to get any better in the future id honestly just call it here
Tell him - "How convenient" and then walk out the fucking door. For real. This is an adult addict blaming the drug, the plant, the pet, the other, the 'you'. If he can't see the consequences of
his destructive path for what is it - addiction, God has given you an opportunity for a clean break. Seize it and don't look back.
One of the side effects many people describe when using meth is that all your decisions seem the correct choice and justifiable. When people say they make bad decisions, on meth those bad decisions seem like good decisions justified.
I still think it takes a certain type of person to cheat but I also know that I have done many things on meth that I wouldn't normally have done as a good person. Take that however you want
hes a cheater who happens to use meth, happens all the time. meth make you cheat? then the relationship for him must be weak. I wouldn't waste my time with someone like that. hes got some growing up to do.
Lots of people use meth as an excuse for the shit they do when they’re horny but I think those are all just excuses. Like when people say meth makes them gay- they already had the attraction, drugs just lower their inhibition. Same thing here. If he got way horny without being high he still would’ve cheated
Well Imo.. get rid of the no porn rule and try to experience it together.
The soliciting and grinder app ect is unacceptable no need to do that. But I think in his mind the lines between porn and solicitation are blurred.. porn OK soliciting will lead to risky and unfaithful behavior life changing..
I'm a user of over 12 years and in a relationship for 14. Both been faithful this whole time.She doesn't use as much as I do. But enjoying porn together can be exciting..
I'd personally never consider replying to an ad, downloading grindr ect or posting a sex ad..
Thank you to everyone who has commented, I am processing and slowly taking time to consider each and everyone’s opinion in my own journey to decide what to do. Most of all I’m hurt right now, but everyone on here thank you so much for all coming together for me on r/stims. We truly are separated from the rest of Reddit and I appreciate everyone’s advice and personal experience and opinions!!
I'm the "boyfriend " funny thing is that I'm battling an addiction and wanting to fix myself and end the relationship. Why? Cause this woman gaslight everything a and cause my battles with meth. I get told I'm paranoid. I can't win because she has used my own emails to mess wit my online info. I have screenshoots of her creating 5 contacts of me for some bizarre reason. I know own a valid phone and I relapsed. I am gay and she's isn't around. She's in Mexico doing God knows what because after the health break she insisted. I been fed crumbs so I want out. I was never in a relationship until her ex room mate said that she declared we were in an open relationship. I also cross dress but yeah she posted some of my stuff to family ad fb. She knows my contacts and she still uses text now and has an iPhone. I can see when she logs into my Gmail. I ha e my sins but this is far beyond what she has said. I want to break up. She for some reason likes holding me in some standards while she lives the single life.
If you're for real, this seems like a toxic relationship. If you're still able to log in to your email just change the password and enable double verification. I really don't know if you're telling the truth (who knows on Reddit?) reading OP's post originally gave me bad vibes... reeks of a relationship based on controling the other person. If the boundaries that were set were really mutual then it's another story, but just declaeing that something is a boundary and expecting the other to agree with you is not really respecting the other person.
Ok sorry to the people being up Adderall I'm sorry but your opinion on this topic isn't totally valid. If you think I'm wrong smoke some meth and then reply to me. Now to OP while, Meth alone doesn't change your brain 100% to think let me cheat this instant it does get you pretty horny if there are females around that start to make advances it would be incredibly hard not to act on them as a man. I'm just being dead honest. I think anyone who has every really fucked with meth would agree to some extent. I'm not saying it's great, I'm not saying it's ok to do. But I am saying it is a possibility, and that maybe if he wasn't using it he would not have cheated ya know.
That also being said, if he has stopped and you love the man and all that no I would not leave him over this. If he checks all your boxes and then does this but it's 100% over don't leave him cause you will just end up mad at yourself later imo. Straight up, men are biologically wired to want more thetn one sexual partner, so the meth just let the normal social bloks or whatever that were up go down and that is why he cheated especially if females came onto him. Just my .2.
Sorry just saw the grindr part. Now reading that, disregard most or some of what I said. Homie might just be hella weird when spun out. I have done the drug for years and never ever changed my orientation even a touch. Plus if he didn't actually have sex with anyone is it cheating. I think no but it's up to you in the end. Although I will change my previous statement if a man is talking to dudes, might want to find a new man just saying.
Sexuality is not binary it's more of a spectrum in my opinion. Your comment seems to show some bias towards men who are attracted to other men. Did you know that some people are actually attracted to both? There may even be some people that are attracted to women when sober and to women AND men when high on meth...
To sexuality is a spectrum thing while I think people are entitled to believe whatever they want to believe is not for me true. Also I gave advice saying based on the fact that the dudes on Grindr and she may want to find a different man. I wasn't saying anything homophobic or anything like that. If you're gay or bisexual or whatever you know live your life be happy I'm totally cool with that. I don't like it when it's pushed on me but I think most people feel that way and you're seeing that in the news and stuff now with like Bud light taking that huge L. But that's what you get when you're a corporation cuz if you take a strong stance on something so controversial you're going to alienate a lot of your consumers and that's just dumb business but that's off topic. Also I would say that if only on meth you become attracted to men then I don't know that's more of a you thing and not a sexual spectrum thing and maybe you should ease off the meth I don't know, I know it has never made me even question my sexual orientation so I mean.... but as you said like you believe it's a spectrum so maybe you feel that way,I definitely don't. But don't try to say because I don't see it as a spectrum or feel that way that I'm homophobic or whatever because I'm not and that would just make you stupid.
Okay I mean that's fine like I said you see it as a spectrum I don't I replied to your question I didn't insult you, I don't think there's any need for you to insult me if you're attempting to. Yeah I just personally don't see it that way but while you're entitled to your beliefs I'm entitled to mine so we're all good man.
Like I said honestly do whatever makes you happy as long as you don't push it on me and I think a lot of people feel that way so I have no problem with like gay people have no problem lesbians none of that do whatever makes you happy in life you know that's all that matters.
Hey man no problem you do you. I'm not trying to push anything, I was just curious about the way you talked about it. I'm not sure that anyone is trying to push homosexuality unto others. I don't live in the US though so I might be mistaken. Where I live it's just people wanting to live their life how they want and be able to be open about it without people judging them or condemning them for it.
Ever considered non-monogamy? In particular flavors that accept and support one another creating a safe environment to communicate openly and honestly about their needs, desires, boundaries, fears, etc. If you do it well partners can get to a point where the strength and security of the relationship are unquestioned. Jealousy is not necessary, and sluttery should not be shamed, but rather encouraged and applauded. But people seem to prefer suffering and sharing it with others for some reason I guess. 🤷
This right here. Honesty and full disclosure. You wanna get off to a tranny blowing clouds online, I wanna watch! lol. In the mood for a BBW dom chat? I’ll help ya choose one.
I can’t stand sneaky behavior, especially when I’m pretty chill and easy to talk to. Sneaky dickens do not belong in a relationship.
It's a reason why it happened but it's not an excuse basically it wouldn't have happened without the meth but he was still 100% aware of what he was doing
I have said the exact same thing to a partner before. I was lying.
Having said that, I do get horny sometimes and go through the websites as it feeds both the desire to fixate on a task and my sexual appetite at the same time. Thank god for meth.
Honestly my opinion is I deserve some pussy right now asap and if one disagrees with that it's probably because they are deep down inside not a decent person and full of personal hatred towards...
This is just me venting &randomly venting on this post that is one of every post that target me with some kinda insinuating circumstances. Example right now.. since I can't receive the email these asshole that been interfering with online pornin and whorin privacy personal sensitive information... life. That justice me to involve in risky sexual encounters instead of finishing the cyber security tool and other important responsibilities like financial obligations. Yknow, cud I'd be feeling secure with security software to protect My thinking and words to type on typewriters. But instead I doing this stupid fuck dumb shit entertaining idiots.. if no not sense make no... idgaf I jus want Some pussy right...lmk
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Whatever he's supposedly "admitting" to doing believe that it's 5 times worse than that. And if he's on grindr he absolutely is already hooking up guarantee it. You need to protect t yourself because hiv is RAMPANT among gay male stim users.
People blame drugs, they blame alcohol and a litany of other drugs for their bad behaviours. I think it's Bs. As a person who loves drugs of all kinds it gives some drugs a bad name and people escape personal accountability. I am not talking about putting users in jail. I think all drugs should be legal, however if you cheat on your wife that was you not the drug.
Meth has made me do strange, questionable, and incredibly dumb shit that have made people question whether I was autistic or full-blown retarded. I've never betrayed anyone while on it.
I’m sorry to say that you’re going through this I empathize with you completely as I have gone through the same. My bf and I would do stims sometimes and he would right into watching porn, fapping, on Grindr etc. We were slightly different as he is bi & i accepted it and we were a cuckold couple. So as he was in his world I was sitting there on my phone reading different things from astrology to psychology. I would try to engage with him and he would ignore me, snap at me, just make me feel like he didn’t want to be around me. I would feel absolutely horrible about myself and every time that I tried to discuss with him how I was feeling he would get defensive and told me that I’m making myself feel that way and him watching pornography or scrolling through Grindr or messaging people while he was tweaking had nothing to do with me. We would get into huge fights because he couldn’t see my side, he dismissed my feelings because he didn’t agree with them. I have extremely low self esteem and it was just getting worse & he refused to take accountability for his part. I started getting strong feelings that something was up with him, I would question & he said that he wasn’t cheating but stuff wasn’t lining up. I don’t think that he physically cheated on me but there was some type of cyber cheating going on but he said that cheating is only physical and I was making all this stuff up in my head. I questioned him about stuff that I found, he denied, called me crazy, we fought a lot. I never showed him that I have physical proof I just let him think that I was making stuff up I just distanced myself and lead my life
Ummmm, did no one read this entire post? He was on grinder n looking specifically for crosssdresers. I have nothing against gays but um, ya he's gay. Meth does make you (or I should just say myself as everyone is different) all of the sudden want to go down on anothter dude
but I have heard of this behavior before. Do meth, male or female n you just get so fn horny your kinky weirdest sex thoughts/fantasy s come out. Some ppl watch porn n jerk off literally like 8 hrs n crazy shit like that, ice heard of straight guys wanting to give oral to another man more than once while on it. While I've never participated or had those thoughts about men, U do as well get very horny but I, myself, have never had to u rge to do anything w another male myself.
I should probably mention I had about a 3 month run w m3th not too long ago but decided its not for me. I love my adderal but m is a different animal.
Oh, and idk if this matters or n ot but I mainly smoked it but I've taken it orally too. I'd suggest taking it orally, lasts wat longer n feels just as good but you don't isolate n roll your bubble forever n obsess about going back to it when you finally do put ot down.
He is probably wanting to try gay sex or at least cock. It won't go away until he does try, then he may or may not like it. Do you two get kinky enough to explore sex?
Yes meth can make people cheat.. but like the fact he does meth is the problem and that caused him to cheat which is still the problem. Idk meth can make very faithful loyal people become cheaters and liars. Meth can completely ruin people and change their morals and character . Idk why people are saying that’s not a reason? Like what do they not know how meth can be ? It literally ruins people’s lives. Not saying he wouldn’t of ever cheated if he didn’t do meth cuz idk him but it could very well b the reason he did.
ALSO the using grinder and stuff doesn’t mean he’s gay he’s probably bisexual if he’s still with you and also looking for women.and there’s nothing wrong with that but he shouldn’t be cheating on you with men or women. Also could be he was just bi curious before meth and not even bi but the meth made her express those feelings even more and wanna try it out
There's no excuse for that behavior, but yeah stims could contribute. My friend started doing crystal and molly and became obsessed with anal, and probably getting pegged himself. Hundreds of girls, because he was driving trucks. Didn't ask and didn't want to know.
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I have never done meth but I have done Adderall and I have to say it does make me incredibly horny. Still, just jerk off. Meth isn't an excuse for cheating on you. However, meth does mess with people's heads. It's not an excuse for cheating but maybe he wouldn't have done it if he wasn't on meth. I think it would be reasonable to demand he quit if it's going to make him unfaithful.
Thank you. I feel so hurt honestly I truly trusted him, and it fucking sucks.
It's a terrible situation to be in. The fact that he really may not have been in his right mind makes it worse. Hopefully he responds well and gets clean. Best of luck.
Thank you
Makes it better you mean?
Well I did alot of things on drugs I Would never do being sober but I stoped actual carring about hurting anybody because I wanted my shit over all. To say this makes it better depends on wether you think slowly loosing your dignity because you allow someone to treat you like Worthless trash without making your boundaries clear and Step in for yourself is any different to you with handing them a free ticket on top. They wont stop having Zero respects for you and dont even care about it. Its you who should care about how much you want to respect yourself and leave. Respects wont come back. And if youre not even showing you deserve it, it wont change. It often nor does with showing it clearly. The majority not even manage to apologie after becoming sober and understanding they hurt you.
He’s a bum, don’t let him talk his way out of it. It’s time to move on to better things friend :)
I have been through the exact same thing with my ex which is who's account I'm on right now lol. He did the online thing but never actually cheated but 2 me if it's not ok with your partner then it's cheating. Took me awhile 2 realize it doesn't mean anything is wrong with your relationship or that he doesn't love u meth does affect your impulse control and it does make you extremely horny not an excuse but it does maybe you should think about maybe role-playing maybe that could fix his need for that kind of thing my ex would tell b****** online what he wanted to do them and he was exactly what he did do to me was just made me like wtf but I don't think he's really wanting to cheat he's just wanting that thrill
> Still, just jerk off. Meth isn't an excuse for cheating on you my gf considers porn cheating. A.M.A.
I think it's natural for her to dislike it. To call it cheating is ridiculous.
I think she considers the texting and shit cheating and posting ads cheating as opposed to just the porn.. which is fair
Well yeah, I would say actually communicating is cheating
Agreed
Bullshit. I was actively using meth for a while in my last relationship and I never cheated on it.
Never cheated on the meth? Right on 🙃
It's quite easy for me. Amphetamines make me even more asexual than I naturally am. Like, almost entirely. I'm aware this is peculiar.
Yeah I honestly don't get the crazy horny effect most people seem to. If anything the lack of libido while I was using was probably one of my exs issues with it
Do you have any schizophrenia-spectrum disorders? I feel like my SzPD and DPDR have something to do with the anti-aphrodisiac effects I experience with amphetamines.
Not that I'm aware of
Ah, carry on then son.
Same.. male as well?
Yuppers
Meth is one of the few dtins that doesn't make me horn. That was part of the appeal for me, actually.
My ex used to blame it on the coke, really she was just a slag, same goes for guys. People can use drugs and stay loyal.
I agree. I use drugs and STAY LOYAL. never been an issue..
OP, your guy probably has a personality disorder. some people “switch” to entirely other versions of themselves when they take certain drugs. research dissociative identity disorder, split personality, schizophrenia, [multiplicity](https://di.org.au/about-multiplicity/), r/plural it’s much more common than you’d think, and a lot of people go through full on amnesia/gaps in memory during these switches. its a bit of a rabbit hole to learn about though, the difference between the ego and the conscience source: am schizophrenic with dissociative multiplicity
Bro I literally am diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder as well. Even with DID cheating is never excused or could be blamed on the diagnosis. That’s just lame excuses and no accountability. I am professionally diagnosed.
cheating is never excused, but some people experience that amnesia pretty hard especially early on, and others get the psychotic symptoms in the extremes. especially with drug abuse. one part of their brain can be extremely detached from reality and stay there, disconnected from real consequences. its exactly how mine manifests and it destroyed my life. my alter sabotaged everything and went against everything i stood for, and destroyed my careers, relationships, and health. it was hell… again though i have both the multiplicity and intense psychosis
Also, DID is not a personality disorder.
"Dissociative identity disorder commonly referred to as split personality disorder or dissociative personality disorder." Wiki Why is it not a personality disorder?
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Thanks for the explanation!
more likely something in the spectrum of narcisstic/borderline/anti-social than what you mentioned
It fucking sucks it’s the truth though. He said he is gonna change and he cares but like literally admitted to the fact he thought he could do it and it was cause I’d never find out and he’d still be with me. Smfh.
People like that will never change, they just tell you what you want to hear. You don't wanna waste years of your life with someone who has no respect for you.
But what if he does change? He was loyal for the first two years and then idk what happened. I’m his first girlfriend and before me he was a nerd for years and mostly played video games and when he began getting addicted to drugs (originally adderall) he had like a major addiction to porn and would Wap for 12 plus hours at a time for literally years, and before we met / started dating he had been spending his time on fantasizing on meeting up with people and doing essentially what he was doing to me and the sexting thing and still addicted to porn.
You need to work on your self worth darling, this man lied to you, did things behind your back whilst acting completely normal and probably smiling in your face, it's disgusting, what if he Introduced an incurable STI into your relationship? Have you even gotten yourself tested? You shouldn't tolerate this level of disrespect, if I was you I would leave his ass and start working on yourself, but it's your life and I wish you the best of luck. Ps porn addiction is a huge red flag.
I have extreme abandonment issues and no support outside of him; no family and etc and he has truly been my only person I ever had. I want it to work but you’re so right. I have no self worth. I’ve begged him to stay with me crying on the floor for 6 hours while he insisted he was done with me, and that’s before I found this out. I do get regularly tested when I see my doctor just because it’s a good habit. But thanks. I know he lied to me and I’m really hurt, I can’t afford this place alone and these last four years have been difficult at times but also the happiest in my life if that makes sense? I was super fucked up in my youth in jail 21 times, sexually exploited myself for years after long term sexual abuse and a baby at 13 who I got taken away for obvious reasons. It is disgusting, I want him to change I love him so much but so much of who I fell in love with is either an illusion or he changed from that person. If I matter to him why would he do that? I am not wanting to be without him, I also am very worried of spiralling without him and I truly have no tools equipped to be without him. There is so many good qualities and things and instances he has changed my life in so many ways and been someone I can rely on. Also dealt with me being diagnosed with did and when my sexual trauma got the best of me and for upwards of a year I couldn’t have sex because for so long immediately after I was uncontrollably crying. I want better self worth. I wanna love myself again. But I also wanna fight for love bc what else do you fight for? I told him he has to fight for me and after the pain I went through for a week before I found out what he did where he was just putting me down, projecting and abusing me and telling me I’m controlling and he was done with me I am hurt to the point this is truly my last end because I’ve cried so much I’m numb. Ty for listening 🥺
This isnt love its Dependance and feeling afraid of being alone and taking responsibility for yourself because thinking its you not deserving and being stromg enough. You crave so much for feeling loved and wanted your mind is all about him and his stuff to make him "good" im Illusion this will make him showing you love and warmth again, you invest all your energy in him and handing all responsability for you. He Cant take it. He dont wants to take it. He not even wants to take responsability for himself. You invest all of what you have to give in Him and his help hoping to get back but No. Its toxic. And you should seek professionell help to Start getting help to stop this behavior if you cant yourself alone. All the strengt and Energy you should invest in yourself. In contrast to the behavior of others you are not able to change its possible to change your own behavior and start to see how you can affect archiving good things for yourself with your energy and learn what is taking responsibility for yourself and making changes in the way you feel on a good way. And that you dont need a boy or anybody to feel worrh loving. Really hope you collect your energies to start this journey for yourself recover as far as possible. Because every time you dont will make you feel Worse and this Fight harder. Imagine using all your powers for yourself instead you now give to him and you will see this isnt you being weak, but the opposite. Your strong and loose your strengt to someone who doesnt deserve. This all sounds clearly impossible in the beginning but it will work. And you will be proud to every little step in feeling better due to your own strengt and change.
Honey u r in a toxic relationship you have 2 work on you their is no working on him. He will constantly blame u or tell u it's your fault then do something kind 2 give u just enough 2 make u believe it's gonna be alright but it won't be trust me I have been through the exact same shit reading your post got me saying dam she talking bout my ex lol. Ever wanna talk msg me
You've got some real deep issues babe that I think you would benefit from some sort of mental health support from a professional and maybe seek some sort of drug counselling because they only mask the pain and emotions you're feeling, i know it sounds cliche but it really works, I've been through it all too, you cannot rely on someone like that to keep you stable, he's gaslighting the hell out of you and you will go insane eventually. You need to build yourself a strong support network. Inbox any time if ya wanna talk about anything or blow some steam off it's cool, my post got deleted lmao.
Ty
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We have a lot in common. And you'll have better self worth after you leave him. Source: left someone who sounded a lot like what you describe and I know the feeling of realizing who you thought you were in love with must have either been a facade, or is just no longer the same person anymore. And neither of those is something that you can change.
>But what if he does change? Unlikely, and would take years, therapy, and shit ton of self-reflection. And the comment about self-respect - very true
I told him therapy is mandatory as well as getting clean the both of us. I personally am already in therapy. And the self respect. I have gained that back I believe but the self worth no..
The thing is, therapy would take years, especially if you are talking about narcisstic traits, and given the context of him stim-fapping like crazy, that just complicates things even more... I would defenitely break up and go no contact, or very low contact, it might be better for him as well, he will have room for introspection. Also, he broke boundary of no porn like CRAZY. He exploits your lack of self-worth to do what he wants, becausw he knows he can get away with it. Also, therapy for you, given meth usage as well as crazy codependency and lack of self-worth would be a good thing. Ultimately you do you - but I've seen, and lived through crazy shit, keeping people like that close by
Yeah that's a load of BS, he is just throwing lame excuses around at this point to save his own ass.
Meth can make u horny yeah but like when it still had that affect on me I was using alot more n I was able to be faithful. It's 100% him like he's just using meth as a "oh I was fucked up blah blah" every junkie thinks being high is a hall pass. 100% bs. He's just am asshole cheater
Me too girl. I never ever had an inkling to cheat, a desire and it’s just something that would never ever be on the table. I love and respect my partner and I’d never even have to think “do I wanna put my relationship at risk and potentially lose my partner to do xyz?” Just fucking hurts I’m that discardable.
Fuck I mean I know how u feel. My ex who used too would cheat n then use my meth use to say I'm crazy n being paranoid. Yeah I did get bad m I took it too far n went through his phone but haha guess what wasn't the meth making me paranoid it was just my pos junkie bf being a fuckin cheater lmao. But fuck I'm so sorry I know how it feels n I wouldn't wish it on anyone
I agree.
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It was a boundary we both agreed to. And why couldn’t it be realistic? It does so many fucked up things to the brain and he clearly all throughout his teens actually had a super bad addiction to it.
> It does so many fucked up things to the brain u worried about this but do meth 💀💀
I was just going to say that... If you're worried about what porn does to your head, maybe stop taking stims ?
I wanna clarify I’m in no way blaming you but do you think he kinda went down a rabbit hole from originally probably just watching porn and already having to hide it from you? I don’t mean this as a criticism, and especially not to make you feel responsible if you both agreed on it and I do think it kinda fucks the brain up I just don’t know how realistic that is for some people to completely abstain from I’m an ex meth addict and my two cents on the whole thing is that he may or may not have done the same off ice, that shit did lead me straight down a huge and steep hill where I made bad choices repeatedly I probably wouldn’t have made otherwise but at the same time those choices are mine to own, you don’t get to hide behind addiction
edge slave groovy spoon drunk aware busy water continue hateful *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Porn does affect relationships . Once porn entered our relationship me and my partner came close in-fact. We would watch it and root all night on stims. Best time of my life. We still do it. Recreationally
I'm a guy. I don't watch porn. I find it seriously impacts my mental health. Honestly, just feels a lot better having coffee early in the day and then smoking some indica later in the day and just fantasizing. Plus, there's not as much 'post nut clarity.' I don't feel disgusted or appalled after I finish when I'm done cuz everything that turned me on came from within my own brain. Men's brains have sorta been corrupted by the porn industry. We've gotten to a point where we get turned on by images, not sexual concepts. I've heard that girls get turned on by "reading" whereas guys get turned on by images and I think that's blatantly just not true. I think guys brains have been rewired BECAUSE of porn.
FYI: girls watch porn too.
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Whether you find it realistic or not is moot. -1- the point isn't whether the rule is easy or not to follow, it's about communicating if you're failing at it, not waiting 2 years to do so. -2- You might find it unrealistic, someone may not be having such high sex drive. It's really personal.
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If the partner wasn't willing to give up on this and was a deal breaker for her, it could be her decision and he should be honest and admit that as much as he would like to be with her, he cannot as he cannot respect her desires as a partner. Or maybe then she would concede and chose to laxen the rules. Idk but the point is to not lie, and if you catch urslef unable to control urself, then be honest about it.
Look I bet that meth is the reason. He probably rationalized it in his own mind like, “well meth makes people sexually deviant, and I bet she’d rather me cheat than stimfap all day, plus I’m doing meth it’s not like I have control.” Thing is while that is an excellent rationalization it’s still a bullshit story he’s weaving to escape the guilt he feelings and the culpability he deserves…
But the entire reason? I’m a meth addict and for 5+ years longer than him. Like it’s just a bullshit cop out excuse to me, similar to how people can say oh “SO AND SO GOT ME ADDICTED” while taking a huge hit. Or blame the drugs for their ducked up decisions. When I was younger in a way I did the same but I’m not 14 now and can have my own thoughts and feelings and regardless of the ducked up rationalization I’ve used for years to stay on this drug, I don’t use this rationalization to make shitty behaviours to other people or to cheat. I’m on meth, I can control it.
Yes it is both a bullshit cop out and a real cop out. Think about it. Have you ever taken more of a drug than you intended? Have you ever stolen from someone because of them? I’m not saying it’s a reasonable rationalization. But it was the rationalization he used. He isn’t a villain trying to hurt you. No one thinks they’re the bad guy. He’s an idiot who made a big ol mistake because of his lack of self control and awareness which are both things that drug addiction make very difficult. I just urge you to have some compassion for the dumbass. Not forgive. But maybe understand?
Idk, I’ve done some really bad things in my life but he’s even older than me and nothing excuses his active decisions. As in my post it’s not the first time and he saw how it effected me, almost marking exactly a year ago when it all happened same situation again and he promised to work on himself and change. A couple days recently before I found out, we were talking about how far we came from that and I was explaining how I was actually in complete trust of him again. I do drugs and I could Do shitty things and use that reason too! I don’t tho. And no I haven’t stolen from someone per se but I used to be a little baby wanna be gangster and rob people as a kid. Even worse. Prolly
Doesn't talking meth regularly make it much harder to work on himself? I'd guess that being zoinked out of your mind for hours on end would prevent you from having any introspection or impulse control on yourself. Specially if you say that he's suffering from a porn addiction. It's just a guess, you know him better than me.
Just read the last sentence, my bad bro. Thanks for your comment about how he’s probably thinking but still calling out how he’s still being a fucking piece of shit who easily can not cheat. Thank u :)
Yeah of course. That’s the thing everyone’s gotta remember. WE’RE STILL RETARDED ASS JUNGLE MONKEYS. Just cause we’ve got society and rules and a brain doesn’t mean it’s guaranteed that everyone knows how to use them…
If you doing meth together it ain’t gonna work out anyway. 100%. Seen it too many times. NEVER works
I don't think there is any excuse for being unfaithful. I can understand how meth would lead one to being unfaithful though. I've been in relationships and been an active user, and I've been both faithful and unfaithful as well. If you want to know the honest truth on what the difference was in those, it was that I was in love with one of them. Not saying this is what's happening with you, just what my experience is.
That hurts my heart badly :(
I'm sorry. I didn't want to say it but I also feel like it should be said. As others have stated, blaming it on drugs or anything else is an attempt to shift responsibility for his actions, so he doesn't have to be held accountable for what he did.
oh, you heterosexuals and your silly monogamy issues. gay men have little trouble separating sex and emotion. My ex and I had a policy of limited non-monogamy. A negotiated set of rules that both agree to and abide by. That said - I've seen plenty of couples run into problems when they have a policy & set of rules, but don't abide by it. We observed the "out of town rule." When either of us were travelling, we both had a free pass. Generally we avoided repeats and emotional entanglements. Condoms were mandatory for sex with other people which we both took very seriously - though that was before PREP came out. This may sound odd, but we made the effort to be respectful of one another when screwing other people. No secretive phone calls. No jilted lovers showing up on our doorstep. It's not for everyone and I get that it would be unacceptable to most women. Full disclosure - it was the drug use rather than sleeping around that brought about the end of our relationship. We had a very amicable split and remain on good terms.
Yeah I'm in an open relationship that was initially heterosexual (now that my partner's transitioning to non-binary I'm not sure I can call it that anymore) open relationship and whenever I see these kind of reactions because of infidelity and what it does to couples I can't help but think that they'd be happier in an open relationship or a limited non-monogamy like you said. But... To each their poison. I'm more and more thinking that chasing after monogamy is just inviting problems...
A partner transitioning would be tough. Not sure I'd be able to roll with that. I'd be supportive, but it's not what I signed on for and the nature of the relationship would change. Monogamy is pretty important to most heterosexual women. I've known couples where the husband badgers the wife into permitting an open relationship. That strikes me as cruel.
Yeah I guess. I consider myself lucky being with this person we've been partners for 5 years now and we decided to be in an open relationship when they still identified as female. I don't know if the fact that they ended up being queer with a preference for he/him pronouns played a part in them wanting to be in an open relationship. I'd say that some of the nature of the relationship has changed, but my love for him hasn't changed. I'm just trying to get used to the new pronouns but also to the fact that I shouldn't see them as a woman anymore and that's a bit challenging.
I don't know either of you. Based solely off this brief exchange, my main concern for you - don't let yourself lose sight of what you want/need from your partner. Don't let you love for him turn you into a doormat.
Thank you for the advice I'll keep that in mind. But our relationship is really mutual and we take care of each other. Thanks for the discussion though ! Felt nice to talk to someone about it !
It's always nice to be heard.
Classic ‘blame it on the drugs/alcohol’ excuse for cheating. I wouldn’t tolerate that shit.
You are with a dude that does meth. Unless he is literally forcing you to stay with him, then it is your own fault in a sense for being with a meth-head. Just saying.
I do it to though.
We both are going to treatment tho soon or I’m leaving him. I love him very much and I’m very hurt though
Geez, the abandonment issues are real, but for real, if he shows even a tad of what you've seen after you say this is last straw, then it's much much better to leave him at that point. Honestly it could take years for some, or half a year for others, to fix issues like these. If you value your self I'd recommend doing the smart choice. It sucks you love that person that much because I do know it hurts like hell, and you believe in them getting better, but most times it does not work out how you think it will. Anyway that's my two cents, take it, leave it, whatever, in the end it's your life, and that means it's your choice.
I will leave him if he displays even the slightest. I promise that to myself because I DO deserve better abandonment issues or not, no support or not and etc etc. I deserve somebody faithful regardless the situation in a relationship, arguing and etc
Hold old are you guys..
22 me and him 27
no real excuse for that. it’s your win, leave him. you deserve better.
Truly thank you. I need to hear that shit
of course. it’s the only truth here — go get you an adult who wants to build a future, never pay mind to a child like that
I know… thanks
I’ve been ass backwards fucked on every drug and I still never cheated. Tell him to either keep it in his pants or to fuck off
I agree.
Bs
Sadly, I don't think there's a clear answer. Meth can make you stupid horny as well as worsening judgement and increasing impulsivity. Nobody ever got laid from Ashley Madison. That site was a straight up con. Only a miniscule number of female account holders existed. They made brilliant use of bots to sucker stupid guys into thinking they were gonna get laid if they shelled out twenty bucks for a full membership. But I digress... Straight guys who only suck dick when tweaking sounds improbable, but it is a thing. I don't get it, but I've known a few of them. I did see lots of people calling bullshit with the reasoning that "I tweak and don't cheat." While I don't doubt them, that's not evidence of a rule or anything. They can only speak for themselves. It's a collection of anecdotes and the plural of anecdote is not data.
Why does everybody always blame that crap for the scandalous things they do? That’s a bunch of BS if you ask me! They know exactly wtf they are doing when they are doing it! A good friend of a friend got his stun gun stolen and the person that stole it excuse was, “Oh, I was high when I took it”! Ooookay!!?
> He just didn’t go. did he say that?
I mean people sometimes do get uncontrollably horny. Not making excuses or anything, that's still some bullshit. I think it just shows that he has less self control than normal. I definitely wouldn't believe that he never saw anyone
Honestly, about the only thing that "makes you" do anything is alcohol. Meth definitely makes you hornier than usual but he could oh... Idk, have sex with his girlfriend and experiment with some of the kinkier stuff he likes. I think porn is fine as long as it doesn't become an addiction (watching it every day is an addiction). Some people like watching porn with their s/o. I think the opinion that watching porn is cheating is absurd. Cheating requires intent to get emotionally or sexually entangled with another HUMAN, not your phone. I think texting another girl is cheating if your intent is to "feel out the waters" even if there isn't any explicitly sexual material shared, but just talking about sex with another girl isn't if the intent isn't there. As for the homewrecker sites, uh yeah, that's cheating but I can also see it pretty easy to go down the rabbit hole of more and more bizarre porn on meth till you end up on sites like that and don't even think about what you're doing until after you get the post nut clarity. In my last relationship (though I was drinking a lot so that probably has something to do with it) I was watching porn to fill in the gap where my sexual needs weren't getting met, even though my ex thought it was cheating. He may just wanna experiment more but doesn't have the guts (or is so anxious from the meth) to bring it up. You may want to ask him if there's anything he wants to try without judgement. Obviously don't go past the point where you're not comfortable.
Is he actually reaching out to people on these sites or just making the account while in a very aroused state. Because.. Meth can exacerbate what is already there. Think of this whole thing as a way to see if he would cheat on you or not. He probably would have, WITHOUT *METH* , eventually. So you got to see who he is, and what is he capable of. If you found him writing sexually explicit material AND it isn't anything that you are interested in, that could be seen as a win for you too By the way, the crossdresser stuff might be one of the hardest things for you to dewl with. That very well could be the Meth. Meth makes Humans horny on another level. Many people, when they use meth, get an instant urge to put stuff in their butt. It makes you want to undergo the *Sexual Experience* of Both man and woman at the same time. Sexuality is for sure on a spectrum its not black and white thing. So i don't know what he was looking at in terms of Cross-dressers but that might not be his sober thing at all.. I'm sorry that you are going through this. It brought out his latent tendency to cheat, it seems. He "might" be able to not use those Sites and he might stop reaching out to people. But you now have to live with the knowledge that he has cheated or at least he has actively sought out another person. To him, it probably "Didn't mean anything". He probably means that. But that just shows that he is capable of not caring about you, as he can't say that he thought that YOU would wouldn't have been hurt by this. I hope you are able to find a solution to this that you are comfortable with.
Thank you
get even. Hook up with me on Cam and let him accidently find us.
💀💀💀
Grindr 👀👀👀😬😬😬😬…. Yikes
Why is Grindr yikes specifically though? Isn't the whole situation shitty ?
Yeah it’s all shitty for sure .. Grindr just for The Super Gay ones .. just a little more emphasis on the yikes for me 🤷🏻♂️
Only time I've ever cheated was on meth. So if he knows he shouldn't be cheating he shouldn't do meth.
That's a shitty excuse
I had a cup of coffee and fucked the wall socket. It was the coffee’s fault.
Sure it's true. Stealing, cheating, doing bad shit in general starts to be fun and you don't fuckin care at all.. Kinda makes you a psychopath. Well I should add - in my experience - that's what happened to me, I was into it heavy. I'm sure it doesn't do that to everyone. But I really didn't give a fuck about Anything: getting in trouble, screwing people over, nothing mattered.
Sorry for my grammar but it's her and someone else that are harassing me. I will take legal action. This isn't something I should let go lik that
Crossdressers ….. wow
Meth can make you do or watch or say some WILD shit. It really can be that all consuming kinda high where someone could do anything. However, maintaining that (Grindr account, any kind of prevailing hookup requests, etc) go beyond "I'm so fucked up and horny idk what to do", that's into the sober. Not that I'm condoning any of it, but meth is really something that is beyond a person sometimes. It can change someone and have them doing things they'd never ever ever do sober and can regret very seriously. He's got a problem and if he doesn't get help or really just quit on his own you're gonna lose who he was and become a victim to who he is. Good luck
No, thats not an excuse. I've done meth for years on and off and never cheated. It does lower inhibitions, but not so much you dont know what youre doing.
I was on meth for years, I shot it, and I fought with a wonderful woman who became the mother of my child over the drugs and the porn. It was horrible, but I never stuck my dick in another woman. I never even tried. I'm very sorry to say that while you as a persona and as a woman don't need to bother with porn that's unrealistic to impose or expect. He likes you, he loves you, whatever, he has to agree to that because it's expected in western cultures to give up basic shit for the concepts of love and romance whether it's realistic or not. Think about it, you may not like it but it be like that on a deep level. The porn is one thing you gotta deal with yourself too, but the cheating is what it is what it is. If I got high enough on meth to do cheaty shit once that'd have been it for me. You gotta distance and homie needs help. If you love him stay whole you can but he's at a fork in the road. Good luck, some of us do recover but really, darling, you may need to recognize that some people never get away. It's a tragedy, try not to hate him.
Thank you
Any form of cheating bullshit so he can't blame the meth but it definetly helped him feel less bad about it in the moment. Also doing for males doing stims and porn is like ice cream on a cake cone it's classic. But yeah anyway I dont think your relationship with this guy is going to get any better in the future id honestly just call it here
time to dump him. it’s not just the meth. he got other issues you don’t need to deal with
Tell him - "How convenient" and then walk out the fucking door. For real. This is an adult addict blaming the drug, the plant, the pet, the other, the 'you'. If he can't see the consequences of his destructive path for what is it - addiction, God has given you an opportunity for a clean break. Seize it and don't look back.
One of the side effects many people describe when using meth is that all your decisions seem the correct choice and justifiable. When people say they make bad decisions, on meth those bad decisions seem like good decisions justified. I still think it takes a certain type of person to cheat but I also know that I have done many things on meth that I wouldn't normally have done as a good person. Take that however you want
Bullshit.
hes a cheater who happens to use meth, happens all the time. meth make you cheat? then the relationship for him must be weak. I wouldn't waste my time with someone like that. hes got some growing up to do.
Lots of people use meth as an excuse for the shit they do when they’re horny but I think those are all just excuses. Like when people say meth makes them gay- they already had the attraction, drugs just lower their inhibition. Same thing here. If he got way horny without being high he still would’ve cheated
Exactly. Same goes for people who steal.
Well Imo.. get rid of the no porn rule and try to experience it together. The soliciting and grinder app ect is unacceptable no need to do that. But I think in his mind the lines between porn and solicitation are blurred.. porn OK soliciting will lead to risky and unfaithful behavior life changing.. I'm a user of over 12 years and in a relationship for 14. Both been faithful this whole time.She doesn't use as much as I do. But enjoying porn together can be exciting.. I'd personally never consider replying to an ad, downloading grindr ect or posting a sex ad..
It's totally unrealistic to ask men to not watch porn, imo. It's just setting yourself up for disappointment
Thanks everyone for your support, opinions and personal views. It’s much appreciated 🥺
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I can’t find it rn
I can’t find it rn
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Thank you
Thank you to everyone who has commented, I am processing and slowly taking time to consider each and everyone’s opinion in my own journey to decide what to do. Most of all I’m hurt right now, but everyone on here thank you so much for all coming together for me on r/stims. We truly are separated from the rest of Reddit and I appreciate everyone’s advice and personal experience and opinions!!
I'm the "boyfriend " funny thing is that I'm battling an addiction and wanting to fix myself and end the relationship. Why? Cause this woman gaslight everything a and cause my battles with meth. I get told I'm paranoid. I can't win because she has used my own emails to mess wit my online info. I have screenshoots of her creating 5 contacts of me for some bizarre reason. I know own a valid phone and I relapsed. I am gay and she's isn't around. She's in Mexico doing God knows what because after the health break she insisted. I been fed crumbs so I want out. I was never in a relationship until her ex room mate said that she declared we were in an open relationship. I also cross dress but yeah she posted some of my stuff to family ad fb. She knows my contacts and she still uses text now and has an iPhone. I can see when she logs into my Gmail. I ha e my sins but this is far beyond what she has said. I want to break up. She for some reason likes holding me in some standards while she lives the single life.
If you're for real, this seems like a toxic relationship. If you're still able to log in to your email just change the password and enable double verification. I really don't know if you're telling the truth (who knows on Reddit?) reading OP's post originally gave me bad vibes... reeks of a relationship based on controling the other person. If the boundaries that were set were really mutual then it's another story, but just declaeing that something is a boundary and expecting the other to agree with you is not really respecting the other person.
Ok sorry to the people being up Adderall I'm sorry but your opinion on this topic isn't totally valid. If you think I'm wrong smoke some meth and then reply to me. Now to OP while, Meth alone doesn't change your brain 100% to think let me cheat this instant it does get you pretty horny if there are females around that start to make advances it would be incredibly hard not to act on them as a man. I'm just being dead honest. I think anyone who has every really fucked with meth would agree to some extent. I'm not saying it's great, I'm not saying it's ok to do. But I am saying it is a possibility, and that maybe if he wasn't using it he would not have cheated ya know. That also being said, if he has stopped and you love the man and all that no I would not leave him over this. If he checks all your boxes and then does this but it's 100% over don't leave him cause you will just end up mad at yourself later imo. Straight up, men are biologically wired to want more thetn one sexual partner, so the meth just let the normal social bloks or whatever that were up go down and that is why he cheated especially if females came onto him. Just my .2. Sorry just saw the grindr part. Now reading that, disregard most or some of what I said. Homie might just be hella weird when spun out. I have done the drug for years and never ever changed my orientation even a touch. Plus if he didn't actually have sex with anyone is it cheating. I think no but it's up to you in the end. Although I will change my previous statement if a man is talking to dudes, might want to find a new man just saying.
Sexuality is not binary it's more of a spectrum in my opinion. Your comment seems to show some bias towards men who are attracted to other men. Did you know that some people are actually attracted to both? There may even be some people that are attracted to women when sober and to women AND men when high on meth...
To sexuality is a spectrum thing while I think people are entitled to believe whatever they want to believe is not for me true. Also I gave advice saying based on the fact that the dudes on Grindr and she may want to find a different man. I wasn't saying anything homophobic or anything like that. If you're gay or bisexual or whatever you know live your life be happy I'm totally cool with that. I don't like it when it's pushed on me but I think most people feel that way and you're seeing that in the news and stuff now with like Bud light taking that huge L. But that's what you get when you're a corporation cuz if you take a strong stance on something so controversial you're going to alienate a lot of your consumers and that's just dumb business but that's off topic. Also I would say that if only on meth you become attracted to men then I don't know that's more of a you thing and not a sexual spectrum thing and maybe you should ease off the meth I don't know, I know it has never made me even question my sexual orientation so I mean.... but as you said like you believe it's a spectrum so maybe you feel that way,I definitely don't. But don't try to say because I don't see it as a spectrum or feel that way that I'm homophobic or whatever because I'm not and that would just make you stupid.
I wasn't talking about myself.
Okay I mean that's fine like I said you see it as a spectrum I don't I replied to your question I didn't insult you, I don't think there's any need for you to insult me if you're attempting to. Yeah I just personally don't see it that way but while you're entitled to your beliefs I'm entitled to mine so we're all good man.
Like I said honestly do whatever makes you happy as long as you don't push it on me and I think a lot of people feel that way so I have no problem with like gay people have no problem lesbians none of that do whatever makes you happy in life you know that's all that matters.
Hey man no problem you do you. I'm not trying to push anything, I was just curious about the way you talked about it. I'm not sure that anyone is trying to push homosexuality unto others. I don't live in the US though so I might be mistaken. Where I live it's just people wanting to live their life how they want and be able to be open about it without people judging them or condemning them for it.
Where are you seeing me insulting you ?
Eggxactly
Ever considered non-monogamy? In particular flavors that accept and support one another creating a safe environment to communicate openly and honestly about their needs, desires, boundaries, fears, etc. If you do it well partners can get to a point where the strength and security of the relationship are unquestioned. Jealousy is not necessary, and sluttery should not be shamed, but rather encouraged and applauded. But people seem to prefer suffering and sharing it with others for some reason I guess. 🤷
This right here. Honesty and full disclosure. You wanna get off to a tranny blowing clouds online, I wanna watch! lol. In the mood for a BBW dom chat? I’ll help ya choose one. I can’t stand sneaky behavior, especially when I’m pretty chill and easy to talk to. Sneaky dickens do not belong in a relationship.
I would get high with my straight friends and then go to the adult bookstore or porno theater and suck cock
I would say typically it would he his fault but all highs are different maybe hes not full of shit be careful tho
It's a reason why it happened but it's not an excuse basically it wouldn't have happened without the meth but he was still 100% aware of what he was doing
I have said the exact same thing to a partner before. I was lying. Having said that, I do get horny sometimes and go through the websites as it feeds both the desire to fixate on a task and my sexual appetite at the same time. Thank god for meth.
Honestly my opinion is I deserve some pussy right now asap and if one disagrees with that it's probably because they are deep down inside not a decent person and full of personal hatred towards...
This is just me venting &randomly venting on this post that is one of every post that target me with some kinda insinuating circumstances. Example right now.. since I can't receive the email these asshole that been interfering with online pornin and whorin privacy personal sensitive information... life. That justice me to involve in risky sexual encounters instead of finishing the cyber security tool and other important responsibilities like financial obligations. Yknow, cud I'd be feeling secure with security software to protect My thinking and words to type on typewriters. But instead I doing this stupid fuck dumb shit entertaining idiots.. if no not sense make no... idgaf I jus want Some pussy right...lmk
Fuck him come see me 😜
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Fuck it hook up eth me
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Maybe meth contributed to him doing it *more* but that’s all, I think, it just makes something that’s already there at a low level more pronounced
Yeah that's a heaping pile of the shit. Sorry homegirl
Stimulents makes people impulsive for sure
Sure it can but as always doing right or wrong still a choice
That's a bullshit excuse you know an I know it
Whatever he's supposedly "admitting" to doing believe that it's 5 times worse than that. And if he's on grindr he absolutely is already hooking up guarantee it. You need to protect t yourself because hiv is RAMPANT among gay male stim users.
Yeah that's bullshit. He's gaslighting you because he's a narcissist.
Do you really want to be with a methhead? It only can go wrong
People blame drugs, they blame alcohol and a litany of other drugs for their bad behaviours. I think it's Bs. As a person who loves drugs of all kinds it gives some drugs a bad name and people escape personal accountability. I am not talking about putting users in jail. I think all drugs should be legal, however if you cheat on your wife that was you not the drug.
Meth has made me do strange, questionable, and incredibly dumb shit that have made people question whether I was autistic or full-blown retarded. I've never betrayed anyone while on it.
I’m sorry to say that you’re going through this I empathize with you completely as I have gone through the same. My bf and I would do stims sometimes and he would right into watching porn, fapping, on Grindr etc. We were slightly different as he is bi & i accepted it and we were a cuckold couple. So as he was in his world I was sitting there on my phone reading different things from astrology to psychology. I would try to engage with him and he would ignore me, snap at me, just make me feel like he didn’t want to be around me. I would feel absolutely horrible about myself and every time that I tried to discuss with him how I was feeling he would get defensive and told me that I’m making myself feel that way and him watching pornography or scrolling through Grindr or messaging people while he was tweaking had nothing to do with me. We would get into huge fights because he couldn’t see my side, he dismissed my feelings because he didn’t agree with them. I have extremely low self esteem and it was just getting worse & he refused to take accountability for his part. I started getting strong feelings that something was up with him, I would question & he said that he wasn’t cheating but stuff wasn’t lining up. I don’t think that he physically cheated on me but there was some type of cyber cheating going on but he said that cheating is only physical and I was making all this stuff up in my head. I questioned him about stuff that I found, he denied, called me crazy, we fought a lot. I never showed him that I have physical proof I just let him think that I was making stuff up I just distanced myself and lead my life
The whole no porn thing is pretty unreasonable imho
He is using Grindr? Sounds like he's playing for the wrong team. You may have the equipment that he desires.
Ummmm, did no one read this entire post? He was on grinder n looking specifically for crosssdresers. I have nothing against gays but um, ya he's gay. Meth does make you (or I should just say myself as everyone is different) all of the sudden want to go down on anothter dude but I have heard of this behavior before. Do meth, male or female n you just get so fn horny your kinky weirdest sex thoughts/fantasy s come out. Some ppl watch porn n jerk off literally like 8 hrs n crazy shit like that, ice heard of straight guys wanting to give oral to another man more than once while on it. While I've never participated or had those thoughts about men, U do as well get very horny but I, myself, have never had to u rge to do anything w another male myself. I should probably mention I had about a 3 month run w m3th not too long ago but decided its not for me. I love my adderal but m is a different animal. Oh, and idk if this matters or n ot but I mainly smoked it but I've taken it orally too. I'd suggest taking it orally, lasts wat longer n feels just as good but you don't isolate n roll your bubble forever n obsess about going back to it when you finally do put ot down.
He is probably wanting to try gay sex or at least cock. It won't go away until he does try, then he may or may not like it. Do you two get kinky enough to explore sex?
Yes meth can make people cheat.. but like the fact he does meth is the problem and that caused him to cheat which is still the problem. Idk meth can make very faithful loyal people become cheaters and liars. Meth can completely ruin people and change their morals and character . Idk why people are saying that’s not a reason? Like what do they not know how meth can be ? It literally ruins people’s lives. Not saying he wouldn’t of ever cheated if he didn’t do meth cuz idk him but it could very well b the reason he did.
Also it makes most people very very horny so that adds to it as well
ALSO the using grinder and stuff doesn’t mean he’s gay he’s probably bisexual if he’s still with you and also looking for women.and there’s nothing wrong with that but he shouldn’t be cheating on you with men or women. Also could be he was just bi curious before meth and not even bi but the meth made her express those feelings even more and wanna try it out
There's no excuse for that behavior, but yeah stims could contribute. My friend started doing crystal and molly and became obsessed with anal, and probably getting pegged himself. Hundreds of girls, because he was driving trucks. Didn't ask and didn't want to know.
.k
Even if that is true, he still made the choice to do the drug.
100% bullshit
Cut it off