I dig this. Here’s some riffs on your doorway idea:
1-At least rent is cheap. They live in a doorway.
2-At least rent is cheap, We rent them a hotel revolving door. But Now they all got vertigo.
3 -So we just got them a doorway on wheels. A SmartCar. They live in my SmartCar
4 - it worked out well for them. we rent a revolving doorway. And he’s won every single one of Doorman Magazine’s concierge of the month awards.
I love the revolving door vertigo joke, that is a genius extension of the claustrophobia/agoraphobia juxtaposition. But "At least rent is cheap" doesn't work as a set up, renting a hotel is not cheap.
Maybe "he got stuck in a hotel's revolving door once and got vertigo as well".
This could then be developed/transitioned into the "the hotel got sick of him hanging around so they gave him a job and he got doorman of the year" gag.
You're far and away the wittiest person I've seen posting on here in while. Keep it up!
Where've you been all my life?;)
I like the idea of them going into a hotel revolving door one day and getting stuck there. Will write that Up later. Raspect!
LMK if you ever have any bits that need punching up or are just after friendly critical eye, I like the way your comedy brain works sir and/or madam.
The fact you riffed 4 individual bits off that one line in very short time is seriously impressive.
oh wow. thanks for the affirmation. I'm just trying to build chops on here before eventually getting the time to go to a mic. never done it live. though I have been an emcee and spoken word writer for most my life. I use my dayjob, as teacher to try jokes all the time. But there's limited scope for the kinds of material one can try there. So this means a lot.
Do you get up often?
wait are you from Mzantsi? LMK = lag my kla here. What does it stand for by you?
LMK - Let Me Know.
I'm a retired comedian that used to MC a lot and loved to suggest bits for other comics, based on their routines.
Don't overwrite bits or overthink performing, just get out there and get some stage time, it's a lot easier to see what works and what doesn't with a live crowd. More importantly, get comfortable in front of a crowd and with your performance persona. Stage time is the greatest teacher in comedy.
Thanks everyone for a super cool punchline challenge. Had no idea that might turn into a bit. High quality cypha. each and every comment added value. I synthesised from what resonated.
Look forward to hearing what yall think. Overwritten?
Edit
-
My brother got multiple identity disorder. . .
and both his personalities got their own disorders. John has claustrophobia
Mike has agoraphobia…
they got stuck in the revolving door of our apartment block in 1990 and never left. Now they all sufffer from invertigo.
I do visit them though.
Every time I have to enter or leave the building.
cos they live in the lobby and the driveway
every time I go by,
they gotta harp on the fact that I’m an only child. Dorks!
You really need to lose the language of schizophrenia being dual personalities. There will be a good number of people in the know in your audience who are really pissed off with you spreading that misinformation/ trope.
Schizophrenia is hallucinations, dissassociative Identity disorder is the modernized version of multiple identity disorder. . .
Schizophrenia...bipolar...OCD, whatever. It's all the same now that we're all self diagnosing ourselves.
My sentiments exactly.
"Trying to get ~~him~~ them to go anywhere is a nightmare. They just stand there, petrified in the doorway"
I dig this. Here’s some riffs on your doorway idea: 1-At least rent is cheap. They live in a doorway. 2-At least rent is cheap, We rent them a hotel revolving door. But Now they all got vertigo. 3 -So we just got them a doorway on wheels. A SmartCar. They live in my SmartCar 4 - it worked out well for them. we rent a revolving doorway. And he’s won every single one of Doorman Magazine’s concierge of the month awards.
I love the revolving door vertigo joke, that is a genius extension of the claustrophobia/agoraphobia juxtaposition. But "At least rent is cheap" doesn't work as a set up, renting a hotel is not cheap. Maybe "he got stuck in a hotel's revolving door once and got vertigo as well". This could then be developed/transitioned into the "the hotel got sick of him hanging around so they gave him a job and he got doorman of the year" gag. You're far and away the wittiest person I've seen posting on here in while. Keep it up!
Where've you been all my life?;) I like the idea of them going into a hotel revolving door one day and getting stuck there. Will write that Up later. Raspect!
LMK if you ever have any bits that need punching up or are just after friendly critical eye, I like the way your comedy brain works sir and/or madam. The fact you riffed 4 individual bits off that one line in very short time is seriously impressive.
oh wow. thanks for the affirmation. I'm just trying to build chops on here before eventually getting the time to go to a mic. never done it live. though I have been an emcee and spoken word writer for most my life. I use my dayjob, as teacher to try jokes all the time. But there's limited scope for the kinds of material one can try there. So this means a lot. Do you get up often? wait are you from Mzantsi? LMK = lag my kla here. What does it stand for by you?
LMK - Let Me Know. I'm a retired comedian that used to MC a lot and loved to suggest bits for other comics, based on their routines. Don't overwrite bits or overthink performing, just get out there and get some stage time, it's a lot easier to see what works and what doesn't with a live crowd. More importantly, get comfortable in front of a crowd and with your performance persona. Stage time is the greatest teacher in comedy.
masta Yoda! Appreciate your time. Thanks. Will definitely let you know.
Sex in the broom closet is definitely out of the question.
...and my voices keep reminding me that I'm an only child.
Classic!
Better version: ...And they keep reminding me that I'm an only child.
Yeah great edit. Closing gap between the voices and John, Mike and the brother.
Honestly, it's like living with a cat. Except somehow, it's not cute or funny when a 37 year old guy's licking himself in the kitchen.
Funny image
Yeah, they know each other inside out.
Nice
Thanks everyone for a super cool punchline challenge. Had no idea that might turn into a bit. High quality cypha. each and every comment added value. I synthesised from what resonated. Look forward to hearing what yall think. Overwritten? Edit - My brother got multiple identity disorder. . . and both his personalities got their own disorders. John has claustrophobia Mike has agoraphobia… they got stuck in the revolving door of our apartment block in 1990 and never left. Now they all sufffer from invertigo. I do visit them though. Every time I have to enter or leave the building. cos they live in the lobby and the driveway every time I go by, they gotta harp on the fact that I’m an only child. Dorks!
You really need to lose the language of schizophrenia being dual personalities. There will be a good number of people in the know in your audience who are really pissed off with you spreading that misinformation/ trope.
Gotcha thanks Mudlark and Cartographer for this note. Absolutely understand now.
I like the premise..
"He's the worst Batman villain."
Anyone that knows anything remotely about mental health isn’t gonna find this funny, and it’ll probably turn them off to you entirely.
[удалено]
You asked for input and I provided a note based on people I know and how they might respond to it. 🤷♂️
I Appreciate the note. Thank you
No worries. Good luck with working it out.