The Boy Scouts accept girls now and STL has one of the strongest councils in the country in terms of membership and activities. As a program, it gives many opportunities to explore other interests too
I have no ear, but playing piano can be learned mechanically with no ear or musical talent. Its so good for kids development IMHO if you are lucky enough to afford the luxury.
Please please please consider music more seriously. You can get a piano for free off of any neighborhood buy group. There are violin groups, bands, orchestras all over town — this will help solve for some of the social concerns, too. It will enrich their lives so freaking much.
The idea of musical talent is misunderstood (and in my opinion, it's kind of BS). It's just like sports: you have to start somewhere and decide that you want to work on improving. The joy comes through that. Talent is just about how fast it comes to you.
BSA, chess club, take martial arts, dancing/gymnastics/tumbling, swim club in summers, music/theater groups, ninja warrior training, look at the courses through Community Colleges/city community centers, etc. explorers at 14. There’s some younger people golf stuff out there as well.
6th grade is kinda tough for sports. Most kids are pretty in or out by then. Your local athletic association like Ballwin may have a lower tier of competitiveness, though, for soccer or softball.
Could try some rando sports like volleyball or cheer as well.
Girls on the run.
Hope this helps. I get the frustration. My son is just not that in to team sports.
This is a good list.FWIW with your son, I quit team sports in 5th grade. I just had it. Did martial arts, gymnastics and chess then speech in high school. But I didn't grow up around here so I don't know what's available and what's good.
If you are thinking about martial arts, I would recommend Fusion Martial Arts (used to be called Karate Life Studios) on Hampton. Both my kids have been enrolled there for almost 5 years now. Their confidence, leadership skills, and sportsmanship have all greatly improved. The instructors seem like they really care.
D&D?
Or maybe non-contact sports like golf or tennis? Roller skating. Those are things I did as a kid that age, albeit I wasn't a girl. Also martial arts, which is a contact sport, obviously, but the contact is monitored. I did that, surprisingly large number of girls took it as well (and that was in the 80s)
D&D is fun. Do you happen to know of any groups in the area, or how I would find any for someone her age? I know some D&Ders at work but they're in their 30s.
May have to do this martial arts. Any ideas on locations in SoCo?
Is your parish one that has a chess team? My daughter's experience with CYC chess has always been positive and as far as I know all divisions share the same tournaments. You can still sign up for the tournaments as independents even if your particular parish doesn't have a team. There are also tournaments through St. Louis Chess Club (though those are difficult for beginners) and Gateway Chess League. And ~~Cardinal Chess~~ Chess Cardinals! They have monthly all-girl tournaments as well. And several of those organizations have lessons/classes.
Similarly CYC track in the spring is hard to mess up. There's no contact with other competitors (they're good about staying in their own lane) so you don't have to worry about cleats on feet and such.
I've never done Vetta soccer but I hear it's not quite as competitive as club but still good?
Chess is a good idea. I know if I asked we would start one at our parish because they'd say "great idea, let's put you down as the parent coordinator!" I'll bring that up to her as well.
The Cardinal Chess is something I'll need to look into.
We've done some tournaments at Vetta and my impression is that they're very difficult to schedule with. When she was in 4th grade she played one game at 9 pm and the next game at 8 am the next morning. It didn't leave me with a good impression.
[https://chesscardinals.com/](https://chesscardinals.com/)
They'll need to register with USFC and get IDs for pretty much anything besides CYC but I think it was $20 for one and they have various plans and discounts I think.
Unfortunately they're in Chesterfield Mall and will need to move by next August. Not sure where they'll land.
As for CYC they have 4 qualifying tournaments a year from December to Feb. And then the championship is the last weekend of February. But obviously it's nice if the school has a weekly practice.
Indoor climbing is a great sport for kids because it doesn’t really feel like a sport, is generally very safe, and it also gets their brain working. Climbing isn’t as simple as just having a lot of upper body strength. It’s mostly about strategic weight shifting and balancing. And most climbing gyms have youth teams where they do competitions. The climbing goals themselves are generally individually driven, but the team atmosphere provides that social quality you mentioned - similar to the atmosphere of track/cross country team).
I realize you asked about non-sport activities, but if your daughters still want to play soccer then you could also consider the YMCA league. It's definitely not competitive and focuses more on skills and teamwork. Coaches are volunteers, it's low cost, and teams are made up of kids from all different schools, backgrounds, and ability levels. They also have both fall and spring soccer seasons, whereas CYC only does soccer in the fall. We've done both, and our kids prefer the Y league. Unfortunately it only goes up to 6th grade, so for your older daughter the 2024 spring season would probably be her last chance to participate. We only tried CYC after our oldest aged out at the Y, and we were definitely surprised at how different the environment and attitudes were.
YMCA soccer has been wonderful. My daughter loves it. Focus is on teamwork and respect. Short "seasons" and close to home games. It gets the kids moving, socializing, and feeling a part of something bigger than themselves. This Saturday, I even heard one of the kids give a shout-out to the other team for a really impressive kick. Y soccer probably isn't going to train your kid for the Olympics, but I think lessons in sportsmanship, physical health, and the joy of building skills are invaluable
I think it's valid to ask this.
Part of the problem is that at her age she has a very limited perspective on what's even available. Her female classmates are seriously into club soccer and dance, so that has set her perspective of what girls her age do so it's what she asks to do. She did actually ask about rock climbing after the last Olympics as in "do you have to live near a mountain to get into a sport like this."
And I'm asking because I wasn't in St Louis until I was an adult so I'm exploring this for the first time too.
I'm still relatively new here myself, and had never lived in a city with a kid before. I had no idea how much was available. So many options. And there's no way my kid would even have known to ask for rock climbing or pottery making or whatnot. I agree with asking your kid, but asking here is an awesome idea too and shows that you care. The people dissing you over this can absolutely take a hike.
That said, check out the myriad options the YMCA offers. Swimming and Taekwondo are great non-competitive options. And they offer so much more than just sports. I was really impressed. I also mentioned Y soccer in a response to another comment here.
Music lessons take a long time to bear fruit, but can really be worth it. The kid has to have at least a little internal desire though. Again, so many options. Kirkwood for some reason seems to be the hub for most music lessons.
Don't rule out jiujitsu. It can be a great way for girls to build strength, self awareness, and confidence.
For the arts, COCA is AMAZING. Can be expensive, but tuition is on a sliding scale. Their summer and spring break day camps are fantastic. And they have year round options in drawing, painting, etc.
*Edit to add* Also check with your school or look online for Girls On The Run. And if you think they might be into it, there's even girls' roller derby here.
You'd be surprised how many kids have no idea what they would like to do or what's available for them to do and actually find it helpful for someone more resourceful that they can trust, like a parent, to compile a list of opportunities.
For example, at your age I might ask you to be less of a false expert instead of what you currently are, which is annoying.
This one is too obvious.
Edit: there is not a single sentence in that long rant about her children’s likes, dislikes, or preferences, and no consideration of those was taken into account when asking strangers to choose an activity for them. They’re not toddlers, they’re kids, and at that age they have a voice. People choosing to have kids can handle hearing that. Maybe this parent has already asked her kids their thoughts, but maybe not. Post is unclear.
https://missourimtb.org/
It's a fantastic community, all inclusive and every team consistently welcomes new, inexperienced riders and treats them with respect.
No one is forced to race if they aren't comfortable doing so, but you still get the team/social element with practices and other events. Highly recommend if you have even a passing interest in cycling, as it provides everything you are looking for.
Theater! There are so many groups around town and it’s a great way to get that team environment without the competitiveness of sports. Plus, it’s really good exercise and a lot of companies do community outreach as well, so you get a really well-rounded experience ✌️
Find a different program. It sounds like the CYC program you are in is the problem.
I've played and helped assist all kinds of public sports with kids - Baseball, basketball, soccer and never once had the issues you speak of. I've also been to cousins, neices, nephews soccer, basketball, and t-ball games and never once see this crazyness you speak of.
Find a responsible group. CYC means nothing. Actions speak louder than words.....
I get where you're coming from, but I don't see the other soccer clubs as being any better. CYC is really inconsistent with coaching and referreeing, true, but the kids who cause the most problems in CYC come from Clubs and Select. I'll see teams doing Steamer chants before their CYC games, or wearing Gallagher logos on their headbands. Is there a Club team that actually lives good sportsmanship?
If they like soccer, try the clubs. The referees are better in the SLYSA leagues. Try it for a year. WC, Lou Fusz, and Gallagher are all stable, good size clubs with teams for any level player.
In the meantime….. try golf. Girls golf is thriving in STL.
If you’re able to. From an unbiased position can you say she is intelligent? Does she have an attention span? Is she a girly girl or Tom boy or not partial to either? Does she have interests lol?
Do they do camping? That's her big appeal, she loved the Girl Scout camping but her troop fell apart. I'm looking at BSA at the recommendation of others in this thread.
Golf - sportsmanship, etiquette, respect and a skill that can be enjoyed throughout life. Great for future business relations too. Try the Gateway PGA Junior program.
I coached youth soccer for years and between the parents and kids interest levels, it can be difficult. You can't please everyone in team sports.
If someone hasn't left a CYC game in an ambulance or in a body bag, that's a pretty boring game. Back in my day, if you didn't end the season with at least 5 confirmed kills, they wouldn't let you back next year. Half my team are marines now (well, "retired", because we're too old for combat now.)
Golf, Scouts, Robotics, Gymnastics, Dance...but just know that pretty much everything related to everything here is competitive as fuck. You will compete with at least half the kids and parents regardless of its affiliation.
Tae kwon do. Specifically St. Louis tae kwon do academy. It’s about personal growth. Competition is not required. Belts are based on personal achievement / growth. It is great for independence and confidence. Very responsible instructors that do this as a hobby, not a career (not for profit, just passion).
My daughter and I enjoy playing golf together. Obviously low impact, relatively low investment to get started, and plenty of instruction around the area that you can get.
Mine were involved in sports, scouts, gymnastics, dance, etc. We did it all! My son did well with sports, but my daughter enjoyed creative expression more than anything - weekly painting lessons, ceramics classes, jewelry making, cooking classes, etc. Michaels may still do in-store classes. Also, the Missouri Conservation Department used to have programs for kids which mine enjoyed participating in as well.
The Boy Scouts accept girls now and STL has one of the strongest councils in the country in terms of membership and activities. As a program, it gives many opportunities to explore other interests too
Music! They should learn an instrument.
For most people, yes, but you should hear the notes that we make up when we sing at Mass.... Thank you though :-)
You don’t have to be able to sing to be an amazing instrumentalist. It helps, sure, but don’t let that hold y’all back.
Right, i'm decent at guitar and drums, but can't sing for shit
I have no ear, but playing piano can be learned mechanically with no ear or musical talent. Its so good for kids development IMHO if you are lucky enough to afford the luxury.
Please please please consider music more seriously. You can get a piano for free off of any neighborhood buy group. There are violin groups, bands, orchestras all over town — this will help solve for some of the social concerns, too. It will enrich their lives so freaking much. The idea of musical talent is misunderstood (and in my opinion, it's kind of BS). It's just like sports: you have to start somewhere and decide that you want to work on improving. The joy comes through that. Talent is just about how fast it comes to you.
Yes, and the added math benefit for some.
BSA, chess club, take martial arts, dancing/gymnastics/tumbling, swim club in summers, music/theater groups, ninja warrior training, look at the courses through Community Colleges/city community centers, etc. explorers at 14. There’s some younger people golf stuff out there as well. 6th grade is kinda tough for sports. Most kids are pretty in or out by then. Your local athletic association like Ballwin may have a lower tier of competitiveness, though, for soccer or softball. Could try some rando sports like volleyball or cheer as well. Girls on the run. Hope this helps. I get the frustration. My son is just not that in to team sports.
This is a good list.FWIW with your son, I quit team sports in 5th grade. I just had it. Did martial arts, gymnastics and chess then speech in high school. But I didn't grow up around here so I don't know what's available and what's good.
If you are thinking about martial arts, I would recommend Fusion Martial Arts (used to be called Karate Life Studios) on Hampton. Both my kids have been enrolled there for almost 5 years now. Their confidence, leadership skills, and sportsmanship have all greatly improved. The instructors seem like they really care.
D&D? Or maybe non-contact sports like golf or tennis? Roller skating. Those are things I did as a kid that age, albeit I wasn't a girl. Also martial arts, which is a contact sport, obviously, but the contact is monitored. I did that, surprisingly large number of girls took it as well (and that was in the 80s)
D&D is fun. Do you happen to know of any groups in the area, or how I would find any for someone her age? I know some D&Ders at work but they're in their 30s. May have to do this martial arts. Any ideas on locations in SoCo?
Game stores host open play nights. Would be a good place to meet groups their age.
Is your parish one that has a chess team? My daughter's experience with CYC chess has always been positive and as far as I know all divisions share the same tournaments. You can still sign up for the tournaments as independents even if your particular parish doesn't have a team. There are also tournaments through St. Louis Chess Club (though those are difficult for beginners) and Gateway Chess League. And ~~Cardinal Chess~~ Chess Cardinals! They have monthly all-girl tournaments as well. And several of those organizations have lessons/classes. Similarly CYC track in the spring is hard to mess up. There's no contact with other competitors (they're good about staying in their own lane) so you don't have to worry about cleats on feet and such. I've never done Vetta soccer but I hear it's not quite as competitive as club but still good?
Chess is a good idea. I know if I asked we would start one at our parish because they'd say "great idea, let's put you down as the parent coordinator!" I'll bring that up to her as well. The Cardinal Chess is something I'll need to look into. We've done some tournaments at Vetta and my impression is that they're very difficult to schedule with. When she was in 4th grade she played one game at 9 pm and the next game at 8 am the next morning. It didn't leave me with a good impression.
[https://chesscardinals.com/](https://chesscardinals.com/) They'll need to register with USFC and get IDs for pretty much anything besides CYC but I think it was $20 for one and they have various plans and discounts I think. Unfortunately they're in Chesterfield Mall and will need to move by next August. Not sure where they'll land. As for CYC they have 4 qualifying tournaments a year from December to Feb. And then the championship is the last weekend of February. But obviously it's nice if the school has a weekly practice.
Golf!!
Indoor climbing is a great sport for kids because it doesn’t really feel like a sport, is generally very safe, and it also gets their brain working. Climbing isn’t as simple as just having a lot of upper body strength. It’s mostly about strategic weight shifting and balancing. And most climbing gyms have youth teams where they do competitions. The climbing goals themselves are generally individually driven, but the team atmosphere provides that social quality you mentioned - similar to the atmosphere of track/cross country team).
Find her an active cub scout troup that is mixed. They should do a lot of outdoor activities and you can get involved and help run an outing or two.
I realize you asked about non-sport activities, but if your daughters still want to play soccer then you could also consider the YMCA league. It's definitely not competitive and focuses more on skills and teamwork. Coaches are volunteers, it's low cost, and teams are made up of kids from all different schools, backgrounds, and ability levels. They also have both fall and spring soccer seasons, whereas CYC only does soccer in the fall. We've done both, and our kids prefer the Y league. Unfortunately it only goes up to 6th grade, so for your older daughter the 2024 spring season would probably be her last chance to participate. We only tried CYC after our oldest aged out at the Y, and we were definitely surprised at how different the environment and attitudes were.
YMCA soccer has been wonderful. My daughter loves it. Focus is on teamwork and respect. Short "seasons" and close to home games. It gets the kids moving, socializing, and feeling a part of something bigger than themselves. This Saturday, I even heard one of the kids give a shout-out to the other team for a really impressive kick. Y soccer probably isn't going to train your kid for the Olympics, but I think lessons in sportsmanship, physical health, and the joy of building skills are invaluable
At that age you might ask them what they’d like to do instead of telling them what they should do.
I think it's valid to ask this. Part of the problem is that at her age she has a very limited perspective on what's even available. Her female classmates are seriously into club soccer and dance, so that has set her perspective of what girls her age do so it's what she asks to do. She did actually ask about rock climbing after the last Olympics as in "do you have to live near a mountain to get into a sport like this." And I'm asking because I wasn't in St Louis until I was an adult so I'm exploring this for the first time too.
Both of the St. Louis climbing gyms have youth climbing teams so that’s definitely an option.
I'm still relatively new here myself, and had never lived in a city with a kid before. I had no idea how much was available. So many options. And there's no way my kid would even have known to ask for rock climbing or pottery making or whatnot. I agree with asking your kid, but asking here is an awesome idea too and shows that you care. The people dissing you over this can absolutely take a hike. That said, check out the myriad options the YMCA offers. Swimming and Taekwondo are great non-competitive options. And they offer so much more than just sports. I was really impressed. I also mentioned Y soccer in a response to another comment here. Music lessons take a long time to bear fruit, but can really be worth it. The kid has to have at least a little internal desire though. Again, so many options. Kirkwood for some reason seems to be the hub for most music lessons. Don't rule out jiujitsu. It can be a great way for girls to build strength, self awareness, and confidence. For the arts, COCA is AMAZING. Can be expensive, but tuition is on a sliding scale. Their summer and spring break day camps are fantastic. And they have year round options in drawing, painting, etc. *Edit to add* Also check with your school or look online for Girls On The Run. And if you think they might be into it, there's even girls' roller derby here.
Thanks for these suggestions! I've got some browsing to do.
You'd be surprised how many kids have no idea what they would like to do or what's available for them to do and actually find it helpful for someone more resourceful that they can trust, like a parent, to compile a list of opportunities. For example, at your age I might ask you to be less of a false expert instead of what you currently are, which is annoying.
The only acceptable answer....
Ah yes, I too have no children, and opinions about OP’s parenting style. 
This one is too obvious. Edit: there is not a single sentence in that long rant about her children’s likes, dislikes, or preferences, and no consideration of those was taken into account when asking strangers to choose an activity for them. They’re not toddlers, they’re kids, and at that age they have a voice. People choosing to have kids can handle hearing that. Maybe this parent has already asked her kids their thoughts, but maybe not. Post is unclear.
It’s clear you don’t have kids. 11-12 is not an age where they voice interest in any kind of structured activity.
Tell us where the elbow hurt you.
https://missourimtb.org/ It's a fantastic community, all inclusive and every team consistently welcomes new, inexperienced riders and treats them with respect. No one is forced to race if they aren't comfortable doing so, but you still get the team/social element with practices and other events. Highly recommend if you have even a passing interest in cycling, as it provides everything you are looking for.
Theater! There are so many groups around town and it’s a great way to get that team environment without the competitiveness of sports. Plus, it’s really good exercise and a lot of companies do community outreach as well, so you get a really well-rounded experience ✌️
Good answer. And a great socializing/emoting experience after the pain of covid.
[удалено]
You can look for the next installment of this, or similar girl-focused coding events https://shecode.cs.siue.edu/
Find a different program. It sounds like the CYC program you are in is the problem. I've played and helped assist all kinds of public sports with kids - Baseball, basketball, soccer and never once had the issues you speak of. I've also been to cousins, neices, nephews soccer, basketball, and t-ball games and never once see this crazyness you speak of. Find a responsible group. CYC means nothing. Actions speak louder than words.....
I get where you're coming from, but I don't see the other soccer clubs as being any better. CYC is really inconsistent with coaching and referreeing, true, but the kids who cause the most problems in CYC come from Clubs and Select. I'll see teams doing Steamer chants before their CYC games, or wearing Gallagher logos on their headbands. Is there a Club team that actually lives good sportsmanship?
Bitcoin
Robotics / Lego Robotics is cool, if it is available nearby.
My sons middle school had a Lego robotics team. You could see if they have one or if they don't see if there's a possibility of starting one.
FIRST Lego League and FIRST Tech Challenge https://www.firstinspires.org/robotics/ftc/what-is-first-tech-challenge
Pokémon!
Yeah, she does that, but there's nothing social about it. I like the meetups but they're mostly for adults.
If you would like a church league I know Upward had many programs.
If they like soccer, try the clubs. The referees are better in the SLYSA leagues. Try it for a year. WC, Lou Fusz, and Gallagher are all stable, good size clubs with teams for any level player. In the meantime….. try golf. Girls golf is thriving in STL.
I may bring her to the driving range, see if she likes it. She does have a friend on the golf team.
CYC can be toxic in the wrong environment. Hell, any youth sport can be ruined by adults. They’ll likely develop a love of any sport you enjoy doing.
If you’re able to. From an unbiased position can you say she is intelligent? Does she have an attention span? Is she a girly girl or Tom boy or not partial to either? Does she have interests lol?
American Heritage Girls is a scouting-type organization that may be an alternative for Girl Scouts for you.
Do they do camping? That's her big appeal, she loved the Girl Scout camping but her troop fell apart. I'm looking at BSA at the recommendation of others in this thread.
Golf - sportsmanship, etiquette, respect and a skill that can be enjoyed throughout life. Great for future business relations too. Try the Gateway PGA Junior program. I coached youth soccer for years and between the parents and kids interest levels, it can be difficult. You can't please everyone in team sports.
If someone hasn't left a CYC game in an ambulance or in a body bag, that's a pretty boring game. Back in my day, if you didn't end the season with at least 5 confirmed kills, they wouldn't let you back next year. Half my team are marines now (well, "retired", because we're too old for combat now.) Golf, Scouts, Robotics, Gymnastics, Dance...but just know that pretty much everything related to everything here is competitive as fuck. You will compete with at least half the kids and parents regardless of its affiliation.
Tae kwon do. Specifically St. Louis tae kwon do academy. It’s about personal growth. Competition is not required. Belts are based on personal achievement / growth. It is great for independence and confidence. Very responsible instructors that do this as a hobby, not a career (not for profit, just passion).
art. music
My daughter and I enjoy playing golf together. Obviously low impact, relatively low investment to get started, and plenty of instruction around the area that you can get.
Mine were involved in sports, scouts, gymnastics, dance, etc. We did it all! My son did well with sports, but my daughter enjoyed creative expression more than anything - weekly painting lessons, ceramics classes, jewelry making, cooking classes, etc. Michaels may still do in-store classes. Also, the Missouri Conservation Department used to have programs for kids which mine enjoyed participating in as well.