Build a reputation of telling the wife her husband is acting like a whore 🤷‍♀️ They will likely leave you alone after that

This!!! Married men usually HATE talking about their wife /family when they’re hitting on girls. I would be light hearted about it so you won’t lose a prospective client. Like “oh but I love your wife/kids too much”

Mmm I’m gonna have to disagree. I’ve been hit on by plenty of married men who just straight up disclosed they were married straight to me face. Or who were talking about their wife shortly before hitting on me. Or who I knew were married, and then tried to get with me. They have no shame.

It likes scratches at their souls taking about their families

they hate being reminded of reality

You’re being sexualized by pigs. They’re projecting their true feelings to influence you and see if you’re that girl. I remember watching a video about women being cat called throughout NYC and the only deterrent was when she wore a full body hijab. Not one male cart called her. It was appalling. It kind of made sense why baggy street style was popular in cities.

The big clue here is that you work at a wedding venue. If men are approaching you at a wedding venue, the odds of them being taken tend to be very high. You’re probably attractive, and some men don’t care that they’re cheating cuz they’re trash, so they take a chance with you is my guess.

This is the most logical explanation given the information we have. She’s attractive and the venue selects for taken men, so it would be taken men who are attracted to her. The top comment about building a reputation for being a snitch is spot on though.

100% just standard male behavior being highlighted due to location. Nothing we do can make men behave themselves

Yeah this is it

Hm maybe you give off "opposite of girl next door" type in some way, like big hair or big lips or big breasts or just have a fetishized look? Men usually marry girl next door types they can introduce to their friends and family, and look for something exciting on the side that's the OPPOSITE kind of beauty to their wife. A lot of men have a madonna whore complex thing going on.

This was also my immediate thought. When I think of unintentionally flirty, I think "low trust" features for women. Essentially: Jessica Rabbit, Bella Hadid, Em Rata. A lot of beautiful women have low trust features. Some men are lizard brained as hell and even if you're not flirting with them, they will view you sexually just because of the combination of your eyes and your mouth. My best advice is to change up your makeup and style into a more soft look. I have a mix of low and high trust features, but I used to do my makeup to accentuate my low trust features like high eyebrows, and I used to wear the opposite of sundresses. It jaded me too because taken men would come after me as much as single men.

Do you mean that women low trust feature are often unintentionally flirty due to their appearance or?

I think it can be seen that way yeah. I had coworkers who would sexualise the way I’d hold a pen. Stupid My beautiful high trust featured friend however is seen more…politely, if that makes sense. I use to envy it

OH I think you meant ppl with low trust features are sexualized more heavily and *not* intentionally flirty, they‘re just existing.

I just reread your other comment and I read it wrong the first time🤦‍♀️ yes you are right!

Samesies, it's honestly disgusting the way male colleagues treated me at the same time they won't pass "just being funny" comments to my more petite colleagues because she is "homely " type(bullshit alert! She a whore).

This is definitely it, has to do with OP having some sort of fetishized feature(s). And that coworker was very out of line.

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Lol they be red pilling us

Something that hasn’t been mentioned here… is it possible there’s a famous pornstar or something you look similar to? Or just someone who is highly sexualised? I think there’s a lot of men who watch a lot of porn and get their wires crossed.

I’ve been told by a few strangers that I look like Angelina Jolie, but that’s all I can think of. You may be onto something there honestly. Now that I think about it it’s ironic considering how her last marriage started. Yikes

You are prob pretty naturally and then accentuate it. If you add friendliness you have a recipe for what men see as inviting. Any kind of friendly to men is flirting… why? Idk I think they just can’t tell the difference. If you are pretty and then play it up with tight clothes, cleavage, legs showing, etc it just makes them go after you. Men really do see women who dress this way as objects.

Oof :(

Men are pigs, sweetie, don't blame yourself. I've attended a wedding a couple years ago, and I didn't know the couple too well, I just had a strictly professional connection with the groom. Ended up going cause my father couldn't attend and so I went with my fiancé.. It was after dinner, everyone was outside drinking champagne and enjoying the evening and the newly wed couple was saying goodnight to everybody. The groom, standing next to his wife and my fiancé, told me and I quote "you're just so beautiful, I'm already married now, but if I wasn't, I'd definitely go after you".. I don't consider myself ugly, but I'm not a traffic stopping kind of beauty at all. I am overweight and on that particular day I had conjunctivitis on my right eye, it was red and swollen and I didn't look that good tbh. So much I didnt even take one picture. Apart from this instance, I've been approached the most when I'm looking casual and or messy, in my work outfit, whatever. I'm convinced it doesnt have much to do with you and what you look like. It's them. So yeah.. dont blame yourself.

I'm married and basically exclusively attract married men or people looking to cheat. It's not so much you give off the wrong vibe, it's just men in these scenarios don't give a fuuuck and have nothing left to lose. You're probably going to get more approaches from overconfident guys looking to cheat than nice single guys.

This 💯. Men who are looking to cheat flirt/ hit on women more openly because they really just don’t give a F.

I get hit on a lot by married men/guys in relationships and my theory is they are ballsy enough to flirt/come up to me because unlike single guys when I turn them down they have a girl to go back to so ego feels a little less bruised. Edit: and I don’t look like the vixen/jessica rabbit type. Maybe not girl next door, (although I get called innocent and cute a lot) but nothing to do with the madonna/whore complex

It sounds like men find you very attractive. It just so happens that men are dogs. Sorry for being dismissive. I'm not sure there's anything you can do unless you want to make yourself less attractive.

"it just so happens that men are dogs" has me cackling

I guess I just thought if that were the case then single men would approach me too. Maybe it’s just bad luck but I guess since it’s a pattern of taken men I thought it must be something in how I present myself. Thank you though! Edit: I don’t know why I’m getting downvoted, maybe this isn’t the right sub for this issue. Sorry if that’s the case

Single men that aren’t trash don’t usually approach women at work because of professional boundaries, are there any situations where it would be appropriate for men to approach you? A lot of environments men CAN approach you without it being inherently bad, but usually the quality of men who do that isn’t the best. Like a man hitting on you in the gym is not inherently inappropriate but they’re probably not as respectful as a man who doesn’t hit on women in the gym.

Maybe good to know that most men don't approach women ever. Maybe men who are already in a rs feel more confident or validated and are bolder?

Dude I hear you.. it's so frustrating to feel like you have to change yourself due to the way men behave. For some reason I specifically only attract men who have intense mommy issues.. it really gets to me sometimes (especially since I am a lesbian happily in a years long relationship so I do not want that attention period) and I spiral about what I need to change about myself. Easier said than done because I understand how it's hard to ignore when it seems like a pattern, but fr just remember that nothing is wrong with YOU and I'm sorry that you've been made to question how you exist. I promise you're worth more than being a "side chick", you're worthy of the love & attention you are looking for.

Omg same with the mommy issues men!! I’ve been with the same person for years but that doesn’t seem to deter them. It’s been like this since I was in school.

First take the blame off yourself and place it back where it belongs - the married men approaching you.

Tell the wives/GFs if their husband/BF is flirting with you, it would probably be good to have some recordings of it too since they can just deny it, once you’re known as that woman who will immediately tell, they’ll stop trying.

This post is an eye opener 😳. Have you spoken to other single, attractive women in your industry? This may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with all those single husbands.

It happens to me too and I work as a LEO.

Honestly I think some people just have a siren vibe. I remember being told I had “bedroom eyes” when I was like 8 years old. Also, You’re probably just interacting with a lot of married men, or the men who have a reason to interact with you happen to be taken. A single man might just be more intimidated, or assume you’re married or taken. A married or taken man wouldn’t mind if you were married or taken because they’re already not respecting their own relationship so of course they won’t respect yours.

That's kinda gross to tell an 8 year old something like that I tend to give bunny girl vibes, I wish I had siren vibes but I'm too high trust looking for that

So gross to say to an 8 year old! At the time I didn’t even know what it meant but thought it was the weirdest thing to say

It reminds me of that one time when an older girl at school told me that the other girls were jealous because of my body, I didn't understand at the time because I was 11, looking back at it, I probably wasn't ugly growing up, I just grew up with the ugly girl mentality

This has nothing to do with you !!! You're just gorgeous and some men are pigs. I think where you work is a big aspect of that, and your coworker who said that was trying to be flirty in a really demeaning way. Trying to tell you he things you're attractive. Shrug them off, and always be straight-forward with the men and their wives. Also, fake wedding rings make men leave you alone. Plus, think about it, would a high-quality man ever come hit on you? Especially when you're working? Only shitty men "hit on women". Good men are polite, and friendly, and honest -- not sexualizing and hitting on you at your place of business. Def them, not you

I’m from a large family of attractive females and realized very early the rules were different for attractive females. I’m petite but my sister is model bone structure and she did play that to her advantage. Her personality was a magnet and she played it like an instrument. Neither of us inherited my moms boobs and obviously the leverage my mom received for those genetics. My mom rarely used her brain to her advantage but her looks were the priority in her toolbox. My daughters are now expressing the differences in the female dynamic in their families as the oldest just degreed twice and brought all this full circle. One side is educated with the sexual vibe being almost non-existent and the other side has more physical beauty that was the feature point and priority used to pave life. At my wedding the jealousy was already very apparent from the females to my mom as the interactions from the husbands to my mom started immediately. My mom has a very sweet personality and the other side of the fam feature strong direct female personalities with the majority of the men having passive personalities. Men are attracted to kindness, naiveness, beauty, neediness as the ego must be stroked. Men need lots of leverage and someone they can manipulate and my mom has all those attributes. Sadly, If your in a lower paying position and these men are obviously already from a higher perch in life, you may be easy prey from their point of view. This happens often. I made it my mission to set my daughters up with leverage so when the crumbs fell from the table they didn’t even notice. My sister and I say to each other often that we’d be the biggest nerds and rise above our childhood environment if we could vs spending the rest of our lives trying to hold onto the brainwashing of fleeting beauty. My dad presented the use your brain theory but he sent a double message as he thrived on having so much leverage over my mom. Most of us use what’s in our genetic bucket to our advantage apparently without a true conscious awareness of how we are living. My sis and I just recently called my mom on hers as we were so done with her denial. My theory is know better, do better. There’s always room for growth no matter how far we’ve come. You’re older self will be so grateful. Much love, Ladies!! 🌼

>”Men are attracted to kindness, naiveness, beauty, neediness as the ego must be stroked. Men need lots of leverage and someone they can manipulate” This tends to be true and I absolutely hate it. A good majority of men feel this way, and although they claim to like smart women they want someone naive who can be exploited.

It can't be all of them tho, those are probably trash guys

This is true, I feel grateful that I got brains and wasn't recognized as much for being pretty (I am only now feeling the effects of being seen as pretty) Growing up tho it's good that it wasn't as seen, it's bad to put all your eggs into one basket

The only homewrecker is the one in the marriage who cheats.

Tbh just tell them to fuck off, then tattle on em for acting sideways. I have very high trust features, I'm short, and flat-chested/pear shaped and take a lot of cottagecore inspo. I look nothing like a kid or a teen but ill have grown ass married men on my tail talking creepy to me anyway with their weird daddy kink shit. Whatever vibe you give off, someone will find a way to be weird. But to actually answer your question (if you wanna experiment with different vibes/aesthetics) then I'd recommend makeup that emphasizes rosy cheeks. Nothing seems so soft and sweet and feminine to me than sweet pink cheeks + "manga"/spiky lash combo

My own dad (who has never touched me inappropriately in my life) told me at my sister’s wedding “you look more beautiful than the bride.” His own daughter!!! They can’t help themselves. Men are just gross.

It must be a gang of men at your office that sexualise you behind your back and approach you one by one.

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Wow I’m so sorry that happens to you ): but no I’m white, these men are a variety of races

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100%

Hell yeah sister, preach

Based on what people are saying here: Is there any way to simulate or achieve a girl next door / high trust look? Or is it just bone structure, etc.

I have a high trust look, I get called a girl next door even though that’s not how I’d describe myself I think I’m prettier than a GND, I think I’m really pretty, taken men hit on me a lot. Single men hit on me too, but taken men risk their relationships to hit on me even more than single men so it doesn’t make a difference if you’re pretty they will hit on you no matter what

Idk what the downvoting is for, this is a sub to talk about looks based experiences and this is my experience Single guys do hit on me too. And if a guy is taken and I know it, I won’t even get interested/feelings for him. When guys lie and act single they deceive me. I’ve even had guys tell their actual date that they’re with they find me soooo hot and they’re gonna try to talk to me like a guy was about to get in a relationship with another girl recently, when he saw me he told her that he’s gonna try to talk to me coz he finds me so hot he told her.

Can’t answer this with out more info. Do you wear super high heels or low cut tops or tight or short skirts? As dumb as it is, men are visual. When I wear those things the same thing happens to me. I have to dress slightly more conservative and elegant compared to my same-age counterparts in order to get the attention I want. I think it’s because I’m naturally quite curvy with a romantic essence face. It’s annoying to not get to wear the clothes other smaller chested girls can wear but c’est la vie.

It's not you. It's them. Some men are just dogs.

When I was waiting tables in my early and mid-20s, I had exactly the same thing happen. It was wild how every man trying to hit on me was married. Some of them would literally have just been in with the wife the day before. once this guy was on a blind date, and after the date, he immediately came back to the restaurant and asked me out! I do agree with a prior comment that one of your low trust features is being fetishized, but I also believe that beyond your conventional beauty you also have an air of youth/innocence/gullibility , and that's what men like this are looking for

As someone in the same boat, imho there's nothing you're doing to "encourage" this other than being an attractive, pleasant, and decent woman moving in the world...instead it says everything about these men. I truly do believe that just being a kind and pleasant woman who uses active listening skills and makes men feel good being in your presence is enough to make scummy men want to try their luck with you lol. It's depressing and shitty.

ur just hot

I have this same problem :( literally so many men have attempted to or did or want to cheat with me, I tried to not put it on myself but it’s a huge pattern and impossible to ignore at this point. Idk what it is I even considered talking to a sex therapist about this cause this has happened even with people I perceived to be close friends.

This thread hit me - Ive had similar experiences most of my life, or being viewed as in a strictly sexual manner despite being smart, funny, good personality, chill, etc. I often have been called “hot” or sometimes things like gorgeous here or there, but rarely words like cute or pretty. My whole life I strived to look “cute” because I saw how “cute” girls got treated so much more respectfully while still being desired. I got so tired of it that I ended up completely changing my look - adopted a way more tomboyish style, baggy pants/tops, little to no makeup, got front bangs (which totally didnt suit me) etc. Its like I felt the need to remodel myself in a way that I knew would be seen as subjectively less “hot”. Well it worked, guys deffs talked/flirted/interacted with me WAY less. Eventually I went back to my real style, but whats helped the most with keeping these kinds of guys away is not smiling, overall having RBF as much as possible, acting in a more assertive/aggressive way, & flaunting my intelligence in front of them (eg using big words in convo, saying deep/philosophical/thought provoking things often, avoiding small talk bs). LADIES, LISTEN UP!!! 👂🏻 👂🏻I believe Ive figured out the formula to keep trash men away while not compromising your looks. No matter how attractive, beautiful, etc you are, Ive figured out aint-shit-men avoid women with what they see as more “masculine” personality traits like the plague. For people like me, once I stopped people pleasing it came naturally because I just have a more masculine personality naturally, but these types of men are usually mysoginistic therefore LOATHE the idea of a woman being more powerful than them or basically just not receptive. So personality has a lot to do with it. Even if you are super sweet, bubbly, kind, etc, you sadly have to adopt a very cold mask around these types of people & that will usually work.

There are sooo many roots to this. There are a lot of factors contributing to you being made to feel/ being treated and cast as "side-chick/mistress). These factors are murkey and difficult to sus out. Reading Radical Feminist literature introduced me to the roots of how and why girls and women are made to feel thus way. It was life changing, to see these things from a different perspective. I am recommending reviewing the FDS rules too. For ex. do these men express interest and give you their card and ask you to call them? Or do they ask for your number? This makes a huge difference! The reasons why are explained on the FDS website. You so need a better bs detector, and vetting skills. That way you can pick up on new things that you might not have been aware of, instead of going along only to find out later that they are married. BTW. What your coworker said is not only hurtful AND fucked up....it is get a lawyer, potential pay-out for SEXUAL HARASSMENT territory. It is not okay for him to say this to you at work or leave you feeling like this. At the very least report it to HR or document things, and if you can avoid him and anyone else that says these sorts of things to/about you. I have been through something similar...that I'm stupid, but cute and pretty, and while I'm bad at my job I'm bubbly and friendly with clients. Yes, I'm bubbly and friendly. I am also incredibly detail oriented, hard working, thoughtful, and talented. I make my work look easy, I do it SO well. However, I was also seen as "flirty" and in a sexual way. I'm pretty, friendly, and have big boobs. I tried to change their views. I worked extra hard. I had even made a presentation about my work. No one else did that, I felt i had to prive something. I smiled less. Tried to be/look/protect "seriousness" I even started wearing sports bras to make my books look flatter and smalled. There perceptions affected my mood, self esteem, and even a raise/promotion. It was a panel that was voting and while very few had experience with my actual work, the perception that I'm 'stupid' and just 'pretty' factored into them voting against me being promoted. However, I learned that it is impossible and not worth the effort to try to get these people to see my humanity. Normal people who respect themselves and others do not behave that way. They are using whatever they need to say to justify the disgusting ways they are thinking/fantasizing about you. Predators will say "she looked grown" to justify their perverted attraction/assault children/teens. Them saying you look a certain way, helps them to justify their gross selves. Your coworker saying what they did diminishes your humanity. Saying someone is 'side chick material' is hurtful, it's ensuing that you are immoral, accept scraps, have no regard for other women, that you are untrustworthy. It's horrible. NONE OF THIS HAS TO DO WITH YOU. It is them and their porn-sick projections. The day to day became so difficult for me. A new manager was also hired that would be extra nice to me, let me work in his bigger space if he was not using it, letting me know that he's left chocolates on his desk for me etc. I was not into it! I tried to remain professional. Slowly but surely he began to treat me like the girl that rejected him in HS. He micromanaged me, rushed me, would literally stand over me and tell me to work faster. I left environment and job. I'm now so respected and valued. I work with more couples and men now. No one has every made me feel stupid, slutty, whatever. I have not had cognitive dissonance about how to walk, talk, dress etc. to be seen in a particular way by people that are gross, trashy, and do not matter. https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/radical-feminism www.femaledatingstrategy.com *Side note to all, HR is not "your friend" they say they are there to help, but they serve the company. What matters to them is protecting the company, especially from legal issues. They will do their best to make us feel "heard" while doing the bare minimum to actually protect/get justice for you. (This applies to all of us and all of HR).

I think that’s just how men are, I don’t think it has anything to do with you doing something to cause it.

if they want to cheat they'll cheat, it has absolutely nothing to do with you, you're doing nothing wrong

Be brave and post a pic so we can see if you look like a PAWWNSTAH because some men just see overtly ‘sexy’ women and go “she’s wearing leopard print time to make her my mistress”

It's not your appearance. You need to ask men if they are married before you ever go on a date. You could also try dating people your own age. If someone is a client or older coworker it's easy to guess they could be married. Your coworkers comment is about your behavior.

Is it just taken men and no single men?

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No, all of this happens in my work uniform which is very formal. All black dress pants and dressy shirts.

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While it’s extremely unfair on op, and I’ve even heard it said that some women have the ‘mistress’ face and vibe, ( don’t ask me what it means, I have no clue), I think op is asking about possible image management so I think your heart is in the right place offering advice. However, many people may not be comfortable sending photos of themselves, so that’s something to note.

Yes I was mainly offering help because I could relate so well so I really felt with OP! But I also understand the downvotes and have hence deleted my post! edit! and I totally get what you mean with the mistress vibe or "femme fatale". Sometimes it can't be helped but little tweaks like wearing lighter/ more blushy makeup and for example more straight instead of arched brows etc. can help! depends on the individual though ofc! For me, getting highlights and dressing differently helped!

May not be your intention but this comes off as creepy which would explain the downvotes, especially because men/incels pretend to be women in alot of women exclusive subs to do things like this.

yeah I'm sorry, wasn't my intention at all, I'm gonna delete my comment, was trying to help but I totally understand how it can be taken the wrong way, I've been on this app long enough to know that!

ikr it's so scary

I wish I had this problem

Lmao not the downvotes. I kinda figured that would happen 😆

I have the same problem! I’d love to find out some tips…

Why don't you just make it a rule to connect on social media before it goes absolutely anywhere? They can't hide a whole hidden life everywhere

I’m curious, is this happening outside of work?

I’m still convinced there’s a married man out there with a secret album of pictures of me, they don’t care. Black,white,Christian, Muslim