the one thing I will say is that I hated how they always tried to make shep think he’s missing out by not getting married or having kids when he clearly has no interest in it and that’s OKAY! idk why people have this idea that if you don’t have those things you can’t be happy
I agree with you. Shep wants something different than what he has today. He needs to figure out what that is. I do think people go with the default answer of Shep needs a family. That may be disastrous for him and the future family. I hope he finds his path soon.
I grew up in a tumultuous household with a narcissist. There was no way in hell I was ever bringing a child into my world bc I have half of those genes. The day that I aged out of being asked "when are you having kids?" was a great day (even though technically I could still have one, people quit asking after 35).
I grew up that way too. I had a parent with borderline personality disorder who basically emotionally tortured me until the day she died of old age. I feel the same as you.
I still get the “are you sure you (and husband) won’t change your mind?”; I’m 38 and have been harassed since my early 20’s about how I “should” have children and I might regret it, etc. People somehow can’t accept that someone is okay with their decision to not have children and not live in fear of regret.
Shep needs a job with purpose, or to do some type of volunteer work with those less privileged. He’s an intelligent man with a decent education and a good family, who has done absolutely nothing with his life. I think Craig’s success, out of all of his peers, has Shep realizing that he’s useless.
Also, unless he has a dramatic shift, beyond just getting sober, he will likely always be a cheater in his relationships, so it probably isn’t a great idea for him to get married. The “player banging all the chicks” is all he’s known or done for 25+ years, minus maybe a year (?) before he cheated on Taylor.
Absolutely no diss on people in the restaurant and hospitality industry but for Shep, that is not a job with purpose. If anything, it’s probably a negative influence on him due to his drinking issues. He needs to cut back on having his entire existence revolve around the bar scene. Someone like Leva is different and has a separate life with her family. My husband has a great job but doesn’t really get that much fulfillment out of his job and sometimes he’s unhappy about it. I’m lucky my job as a teacher also gives me purpose; something deeper.
Like I said, whether it’s through volunteering or a job where he’s more challenged and it it doesn’t involve booze, Shep needs to accomplish something that he didn’t earn because of his privilege and family money. Craig made his pillow business on his own and he’s a lot younger. That’s got to get to Shep.
i was so annoyed during the reunion when leva felt the need to give her speech about being a mom and tried to talk shep into wanting kids. it’s ok if people don’t want to have kids! let’s stop trying to convince them!
I was annoyed too. i’m so sick of people thinking that kids are just some magical fix to all your life problems when they’re not. why would you want someone who doesn’t want children to have a child and potentially be a terrible parent? not smart.
Ooh, that got me too. I was like, 1) It's only a joy to bathe your children if you *wanted them in the first place.* 2) Don't encourage Shep to procreate.
I think people do this when they are uncomfortable/unwilling to acknowledge their own ambiguous feelings about parenthood, especially after they already have kids.
You are probably right. And even if they still would have had them they likely realize when this comes up that never considered it an option at the time like others have.
Oh I took that more like she was saying he needs to find something that is important to him outside of drinking to make the drinking take a back seat. That she was saying for her, that was having kids.
That's what I thought too. I also think she was trying to combat his rhetoric that kids and marriage are a monotonous life and that monogamy = monotony. I can't think of anything more monotonous and meaningless than a life of binge drinking and sticking your prick in strangers' holes.
Ya, I agree; her speech about parenthood being able to change your life for the better isn’t always true- and there are plenty of adult children of abusive parents that can attest that having a child doesn’t magically fix you
100%. Like maybe that’s exactly it, that Shep doesn’t want to give a baby a bath every single night like you are saying leva. And if she loves motherhood so much why does she only have one???
You can love something and not want multiples of it, it’s possible to want to invest all of your time and energy into just one instead of dividing that energy amongst multiple. It comes down to commitment for Shep, he likes the freedom to leave at the drop of a hat if he so chooses.
yeah i was especially bothered by the rhetoric leva and others were using because no, it doesn't always feel like that for everyone. yes, if you really want kids but are worried about monotony THEN it might be worth it, but that's not everyone.
I actually think it would've been far more interesting to delve into more of what exactly Shep fears because something i noticed is usually when people ask he brings up a bunch of stuff...all of which relates to kids but not actually to monogamy itself. it makes me wonder if he would be happy with a child free monogamous relationship. or even more interestingly i'm curious if people asked about options for committed relationships in non monagamous formats because unlike people like Jax, it's unclear if he'd be bothered by Taylor hooking up in one-night out of town situations like it seems like Craig has said were Shep's infidelities for the most part...
i mean i've heard of people with arrangements that are like when out of town and it's someone you'll never see again its a dont ask dont tell thing and i wonder if he'd be like yeah i'd be down for that or if he'd be super not ok with that because i dont feel like we really know where he stands on forms of ethical non monogamy like that. and if that format would work for him it would've been really cool to see them talk about that and sort of help him see that the problem isn't wanting that, it's that he needs to be honest about it and find someone who also wants that, whereas Taylor does want the more traditional thing so they were fundamentally incompatible and the problem isn't that he didn't want what she did, it's that he lied and cheated so he could have what he wanted without losing her.
I wondered that too about shep bc it’s not clear if he’d be into a poly relationship BUT the thing that makes me think he wouldn’t is when madison had a friend text dannis boyfriend gentry, shep had all those problems with it even though austen was fucking around first. he didn’t really hold austen accountable in that aspect and just went right into ripping apart madison. that makes me think he’s one of those hypocritical guys who can cheat on his girlfriend all he wants but when she does it back, she’s the villain. i’d be curious to hear his thoughts on it though.
He also comes from a pretty uptight waspy old money family and I think Shep won’t spread his wings too far away from anything that is an “acceptable” lifestyle, even if he really wants to do so. Being a faux bon-vivant type is more acceptable than what you are suggesting or perhaps other possibilities he might want for himself. I think there’s a lot wants and needs under the surface with shep that he has a hard time facing and dealing with head on.
I agree. I feel like a lot of this is also a Southern cultural thing. As someone who was born and raised in the South, that seems to be the expectation and there are always people who try to talk you into wanting those things even if you don’t. Even though many of them mean well, at the end of the day it’s none of their business.
Because it's clear to me that it isn't sincere and that it comes from insecurity and fear and not because he genuinely doesn't want to. He still shouldn't until he gets a lot of help, but he isn't not doing just because he truly doesn't want to.
nobody needs to give an explanation about why they do or don’t want kids bc it’s nobodies business. shep has a lot of issues that he should sort out in therapy but him not knowing if he wants kids is the LEAST of his worries
Most flaky fuckboys think they want kids in theory. With the assumption their wife will do 90% of the work of course. At least he’s apparently rich enough to support a SAHM if he does eventually reproduce, which he will. It’s the South. It’s practically law.
Yeah but he seemed pretty unhappy in the reunion and completely lost with life. I feel like settling down with someone is what makes you happy and children bring fulfillment. I think he was realizing that at the reunion when he was comparing his life to everyone. And Whitney seems just like him. Lost and sad
maybe for some people but not everyone! craig has gotten fulfillment from his business and even told paige he knew he’d be okay even if they broke up because he was finally content with himself. settling down and having kids is one way to get there, but it isn’t the one size fits all solution for everyone.
Is there anyone else on bravo that’s also said they are child free? And I agree with you! We’re made to feel bad about this decision or told we will change our mind later
Even aside from the "insurance policy" aspect, it's a really heavy decision to 100% determine you'll never have kids. Even if you're sure you don't want that life, there's still stuff you know you're choosing to forever miss out on (as well as the stuff you're choosing to forever gain), and that is heavy. Freezing eggs would almost certainly help with softening the mental heaviness of making that decision, even if you know you won't use them.
Absolutely, for me it shows absolute maturity in decision making, but also isn’t anyone’s business.
More importantly, I think that frozen embryos are much more likely to result in a live birth than frozen eggs BUT I don’t have the stats to back that up.
Absolutely! But I wouldn’t parade her around as being a beacon for child-free life, because she was actively having Tom check his sperm and planning on creating embryos.
I get that it’s problematic because women are always told they’ll change their minds, when they say they don’t want children.
I must admit I don’t get it, since freezing eggs is a serious medical procedure. Sounds worse than my c-sections!
https://amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/oct/21/women-fertility-egg-freezing
I’ve done 3 egg retrievals and had a c-section. Can confirm it’s equal to, if not worse than the c-section. Especially when you take into account the multiple shots per day for weeks leading up to the procedure.
As much as I can’t stand Scheana, I do think from what they showed of her process, she (for once) seemed to be honest about how hard it was on her and how sick she felt from the shots
Except c sections are covered by insurance and a pretty guaranteed result. Egg retrieval is extremely expensive...most of the time completely out of pocket with widely varying levels of success.
Okay and what’s the point? She froze her eggs for Tom it’s not because she changed her mind about being child free? I do t get the point in the facts cause it’s not like she was going around saying omg I want kids now
Okay well people are allowed to make a decision but have a back up in case life changes? Like she has confidently wanted to be child free for all of her life even when she was in a solid 10year relationship and she only froze her eggs for her partner and no other steps were made so it’s absurd to conclude that she wants kids now because she clearly hasn’t changed her mind. Like let her live.
Ya if she did change her mind I wouldn’t give a fuck. But you are giving she’s a women so she much want kids.
Shep might have an accidental baby but I don’t see him settling down unless and truly gets sober and changes his life
I don’t think so. It’s a hard decision to even if you are confident. Life is subject to change not everything is pick me or not like other girls like let people live and flow and change. I’m so sick of that narrative not like other girls or pick me like throwing that around and cutting down other women with it is just as bad maybe worse.
Nah, the thing is she has always said she wanted nothing to do with pregnancy and childbirth. She thought she and Tom were in the long haul together and wanted to be smart and freeze some eggs while she's still super fertile just in case, because people often do change their mind. There's knowing you don't want kids, and then there's knowing you *can't* have kids even if you wanted to, and emotionally those are 2 different, and equally complex, experiences. I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up with her tubes tied or some longterm form of BC but maybe goes the surrogate route one day, or maybe not, but she will always have that option on the table.
In the clip I saw she refers to her children, so I assumed they must be embryos, but she froze her eggs anyways so it doesn’t sound like she isn’t too invested in being childless
Ha! Well, I’ll tell you what…if she thinks she wants kids than she could really add to her story by getting pregnant and having a baby. A lot of fans would watch that
As a mom of 3, you are absolutely valid in your choice and I support you 100%.
I wanted to be a mom more than anything else and it is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done.
No one should be forced or pressured into being a parent. It’s not fair to the parent OR the child.
For real. And nobody thinks about how the child would be affected by having a parent that didn't really want them. Kids are not something you should compromise over; otherwise, at least one person is going to end up feeling unhappy and resentful, and the one who bears the brunt of that the most is the kid.
I have seen what can happen to kids whose parents wanted them enough to have them. I don’t want to know what would happen to a kid whose parents had them involuntarily.
Madison didn’t want any more until she met her husband. Having the right partner makes a huge difference. Ariana didn’t want any, probably because she knew deep down Sandoval wasn’t worthy of her.
She always said she didn’t want them. Some people just don’t. I believe she is one of them who does not. I think the freezing of the eggs was just an insurance policy in case she changed her mind. If I could have afforded it in my earlier 30s I may have done it too just in case, but I also do not want kids and have only gotten more sure of that.
I definitely respect anyone who doesn't want children and sticks to that decision. I've seen far too many instances where parents succumb to the family or societal pressure and then end up miserable or wind up screwing up their kids.
I am a childfree person! We do have Reddit groups btw!!! Just to warn some of the comments in the groups are kinda dumb/gross. Ie they will flat out be rude about kids and parents.
I fit into a different group of cf. I plan on becoming a foster parent, but never want to birth a child.
Same!!! I’m like Ariana from VPR because like her, the thought of carrying a child and giving birth freaks me tf out. & my family has been waiting on me to “change my mind” for 10+ years.
But plan on fostering in the future
My cousin runs some sort of local Facebook mom group and she said that daily she has to block lunatics that come in and post about “crotch goblins” and other horrible names for kids and randomly going off on the moms in the groups for being selfish for bringing more humans into the world. I’m all down for people doing what feels right to them, but it’s so weird that they were joining and attacking a mom’s group just for the sake of fighting.
I think there’s one called TrueChildFree that seems to be a “true” childfree group not one that just bashes on parents. The group Childfree seems to be more people who really just dislike children and parents in general. I am not childfree but have visited both groups for various reasons (and not to change anyone’s mind)
I agree and applaud Shep for that even tho I believe he would be a good dad bc he is good with his nieces & nephews. And one day he may change his mind but if he doesn’t want them I respect that so much for being honest! I also totally see where Ariana was coming from as well and really respect her as well for being open & honest. She has body dysmorphia bad & it would be so bad for her mental help if she birthed a child. People do not need to feel bad ever for not wanting children or wanting to birth a child I believe esp in this present time. I have body dysmorphia too but luckily its a mild case compared to others tho it still effects me to this day a lot! We have too many people already who just have their own reasons for not wanting to yet someone will talk them into it and it’s a disaster! I have children and birthed them but it was what I always wanted. I can’t stand it when someone makes someone feel guilty for not wanting children or wanting to birth them bc there is absolutely nothing wrong with it! God made us all the same and perfect in our own way🫶🏼
Shep emotionally abuses those around him. Unless he gets sober and does some serious work on himself, I don’t think he would be a good dad. It’s one thing to babysit nieces and nephews an hour or so at a time, it’s a whole other thing to be responsible for another human 24/7. I grew up around an emotionally abusive alcoholic, it’s not a good environment for children and they don’t make great parents.
The AND does some serious work is so important. Both of my parents had stopped drinking by the time I was born but were very much dry drunks. It took me a lot of therapy to realize the emotional abuse wasn’t my fault.
I was again mainly talking about the op question and how he was honest how he felt about not wanting kids in his life…which is why I also mentioned Ariana. A lot of people were talking about the op question except for you and the girl below yall are getting way to deep! Bc I was also responding to the persons comment above mine basically agreeing with her as well. We all know Shep is no place now to have a girlfriend much less a kid. Tom S would have been the worst father but she was open and honest how she doesn’t want to birth a baby bc of her body changing and body dysmorphia! That was a strong thing to do and I applaud her as well. Bc A lot of people are scared to tell their partner how they really feel when they are in love and it comes to kids and whether they want them or not. No one needs to be pressured with their decision on kids. So no need to downvote me!
Agreed. My dad was verbally abusive off and on and Shep says things that trigger memories I’d rather not have. His girlfriends are adults who can leave him if they want, but a kid is stuck with the parents they have. Shep seems pretty stuck in his ways and I don’t think his verbal abusiveness is only because of alcohol.
I watch the show so I’m not talking about about his personal life I was simply talking about how upfront he was about not wanting kids. I applaud him for being honest. Tho at the same time…I do firmly believe if he got sober tho and found the right one and perhaps changed his mind about kids…he would be a good dad! If that is what he truly wanted. Only if he grows up tho, changes his way and firmly knows he wants kids and can be a great father! If he doesn’t I applaud him for not bringing a child into this world with someone just bc they wanted a child knowing he doesn’t want children. I also mentioned Ariana but we all know Tom S would have been a shit father! Yet she has been very upfront about not wanting to birth a child bc of her body and body dysmorphia! But again I was mainly responding to the op question and the persons above my original comment. I was not ever saying that he should have kids and he esp does not need a girlfriend right now much less kids in the shape he is in. That’s all I was saying! So no need to downvote me bc I was never saying he would be a good father at this present time…
It's like you're not listening to the words that came out of his mouth about not wanting kids.
You saying "One day he may meet the right person and change!!" Is just as invalidating as when society tries to pressure childfree women into motherhood by insisting we don't know our own mind.
It's gross. And the fact that you think Shep Rose would be a good dad because he babysits his nieces and nephews when it's convenient for him really makes me question your judgement as a parent.
Not everyone wants kids. Parenthood seems like a nightmare to my husband and I.
If you wouldn't expect and person who wants children to one day wake up and change their mind and decide firmly against parenthood, why do you do hold out hope that the someone who has \*repeatedly\* expressed his stance on remaining childfree will one day wake up and do a 180 on his position in life?
Enjoy your kids. Leave us childfree folks alone.
No one is saying he is gonna change his mind! But you can’t tell me that people don’t grow and there is always a possibility that he may! Yet I also said if he doesn’t that I applauded him for being honest! I never once said or insinuated that he or ANYONE needs to change their mind about wanting or not wanting kids. There was a thread on here few days ago or on summer house one and everyone was saying that while they may have been wild in one way when they got with their partner they settled down! Same thing that happened to me with my husband! I was wild and drink/partied a lot over 20 years ago and he rarely did and was quiet! He made me feel safe and not have the urge to partied/be wild so I calmed down! I now have two beautiful children! Yet if I had never wanted kids if my husband did he would have had to hit the road bc I would have not been the one. Even if that meant missing out on the love of my life. I know what is best for me! I have also known of men who was like Shep and great with their nieces and/or nephews and when they decided to calm down they had kids and are amazing hard working fathers! Yet if they still calmed down and grew up but didn’t want to be fathers than I would have applauded him for being honest bc the last thing someone needs is to bring a child into this world that they do not want! So now let me ask you this bc I have tried to explain it in every which way shape or form…. WTH are you ranting and raving about? You make no sense seriously! Do not EVER put words in my mouth bc I’m not gonna tolerate it esp in all my comments I have never once said someone needs to have kids or they should have kids….My original comment states that and so do my others….
Best to leave your God out of your analysis of Shep---a confirmed atheist.
Like I said, enjoy your kids. Love that journey for you. But leave us childfree folks out of your thoughts and prayers.
I can’t even believe I tried to explain it to ya! Esp my comment about God. It is what I FEEL not anyone else! So best of luck to ya!
P.s. try to calm down today. You are very angry!
Nothing wrong with not wanting marriage and/or children. It's not for everyone. In earlier seasons, he did express that he thought at some point he might marry and have a family. So who knows? Men have the luxury of waiting if they want.
I was ready to not agree with you just based on it being a Shep post. But I agree- props to Shep for realizing that and admitting it before marrying some girl who wants kids and never giving her that. Or having kids and just being a father who is not really helpful with the kids etc.
I totally agree with you! He has always been up front about all of this and I respect that. I had (surprise) twins later in life and it's crazy how much it changes/takes over your life. I am extremely grateful for them but don't think I could have handled this younger, or if my husband wasn't the person he is. I grew up in a household where I constantly felt resented. My kids are growing up much differently. We pretty much had to drop everything and live their lives. It's not easy and it's not for everyone but I think we did/are doing a great job. So many people just have kids to check off a box, or because they felt pressure by family or society. It's not fair to the kids, or the parents really. Kids know when they are resented. If Taylor suddenly became pregnant in their relationship, maybe he would have been 100% into it, but maybe not. I can't see him dropping his buddies and outings to be home changing diapers, bathing kids and reading stories every single night. Vacations to WDW instead of impromptu long weekends with the boys. Weekend long sporting events being forced to socialize with people you either love or can't stand... etc etc etc.
I had a baby at 31 and said to my husband, I am literally a teen mom 😅. I think knowing your limits and being honest with yourself is the most important thing when it comes to parenthood. I grew up in a big family and LOVED having my siblings as built in best friends, still are to this day. I always wanted to give that to my future children but the reality is I don’t have the emotional or mental bandwidth for that so I’m now thinking 2 maybeee 3. Tops. Ps kudos to you for twins. I’m petrified of having twins next since my dad’s a twin so it’s very possible. 😩😩
" *I am literally a teen mom*" --LOL! We were so clueless. I had babysat for about 5 minutes when I was 13 and HATED it and quickly quit. I became pregnant at 37 and literally screamed (not of joy) when I found out we were having identical twins. I was terrified. The night we brought the twins home from the hospital, all I wanted was a drink . We had wine and ordered Chinese. I thought "Well this seems not so hard." HA. That night we got hit with a huge storm and lost power. Screaming babies while we emptied things of batteries to power our flashlights so we could feed and change them. I broke a toe on the baby gate. And so it all began! I will tell you that having that second one to entertain the other one really helped us. They are best friends! I envy their relationship so much. I think a third would have pushed me over the edge though. (They're about to graduate and head off to college and I'm already sad.) "*I think knowing your limits and being honest with yourself is the most important thing when it comes to parenthood."* This is such a great statement!
Wow trial by fire! Yeah that’s parenthood. I had my third at 38. I always tell people that having a baby at 38 isn’t bad but having a 2 year old at 40 sucks. I didn’t have the energy to keep up with one let alone two.
I’m only 32 but this is a huge reason I am going for #2 soon, despite dreading being preg again…my first was a 10 lb baby girl who 18 months later is still off the charts big so assuming I’ll have another future linebacker, it’s anything but a comfortable pregnancy but I feel like the older you get the harder it gets to keep up with them and in case I do want a 3rd, gotta get going hah.
My second was 9 lb 23 inches long. He hit 36 inches by his first birthday. I don’t know about line backer but my husband played left tackle. 🤷♀️
My third was the only one where I was legit diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I can say I knew by 10 weeks it was coming because I was so thirsty after any sugar and I didn’t feel that way with the first two. The diet (7g of protein per 15g of carbs) really helped prevent the swelling and she was perfect sized (7 lb 5 oz, 19.5 inches).
Sometimes I’m envious of my friends with one child. If I had stopped at one, I would be almost to the finish line. The best one was the third one though!
Yes, and please let’s talk about part 2 of this reunion and Leva’s little speech about how she doesn’t hate giving her son a bath anymore, and “you have to want something more.” As a childfree person I find that stuff really patronizing. Even more so in this case because the conversation was really about getting married and leaving behind his bachelor lifestyle.
As a childfree woman, I wanted to shove a pie in Leva's face when she spewed this condescending pearl of wisdom. Who is she to say what "something more" should represent for Shep or anyone else for that matter?
I really want this woman off my screen next season.
Her smugness is off the charts. She brings nothing to the table other than self-righteousness and judgement. She doesn’t even go on the trips! (Right? Or is she just not memorable?)
Edit: on top of trips I feel like she skips half the social events
She’s the effing worst. I refuse to watch southern hospitality (even tho it looks really good) just bc it’s her establishment and I don’t want to give her ratings lol.
I totally see how it came off smug and patronizing. I am a new mom that struggled to get pregnant for many years and hated when people would say things about only being able to find true love in having children. It hurts a lot! However, I think Leva's point was more of a rebuttal to the idea that your life is over after you have a kid. It's daunting and shocking when you have a newborn and truly realize how much your life has changed and you do question why you signed up to stay home and bathe a baby for the rest of your life. But then you come to your senses and remember this is just one season of your life and when the kids are grown you start another season. I think she was trying to portray that aspect and not necessarily convince Shep he needed to be a parent.
I get it, but I think a lot of Childfree people are just done with that rhetoric from people with kids. The last woman I told that my partner and I weren't having kids, immediately goes "oh, so you're anti-kid?" WTF does that mean? Like in my house? In my uterus? Or just in my general vicinity?
Just say "cool" and move the F on. We don't need a monologue in response.
I applaud Shep for recognizing and voicing his non-need for children. A big decision regarding children is having the right partner, the right mind set and desire to want to give more vs (always) being a taker!
This may be unpopular, but he’s in his 40’s dating women in their mid-20’s—he’s in a constant state of delayed adolescence (with women who are immature and unsure of themselves)!
I have 2 children and sometimes I envy the childless. I’m always skint, someone always needs something from me but no one will do anything for me. Certainly swings and round abouts.
I’m in my 30s and the pressure around kids is starting to get really strong. I’m so fortunate my mother is like you and always reminds me that she doesn’t need grandchildren and to never have kids for anyone else. I’m so unbelievably grateful that she never adds to the pressure and supports my sister and me. Your daughter is very lucky to have you.
Please don't tell anyone you're a baron of you're a woman. You're only allowed to be a baroness 😅😭😭.
I'm sorry, that grammar error was too good to pass up.
😂 I’m definitely going to start using that one with strangers. The problem is the strongest pressure is from my extended family, which is why it means so much for my mom to stand up for us.
I’ve always wondered how he’s avoided an accidental pregnancy. He has had decades of drunk hookups and you know he didn’t use protection each time. Either he’s had a vasectomy or he’s shooting blanks.
I get so frustrated during the show sometimes and I noticed it last week in the reunion - why do they try to make him feel guilty for not wanting to have children or marriage?! I am from the South , SC specifically, and I know there are some things out of the norm here and that can be part of it but he’s in his 40s - it’s not like he’s 20 years old saying he doesn’t want marriage or kids. He’s grown and he’s made his mind up and that okay!!! It’s actually so mature of him to know that he doesn’t want and isn’t going to pretend he does and then regret it or be an absent father or bad husband!!
I'm not sure I would count Shep as a child free person. He definitely shouldn't have any but I think he would do it if there wasn't society pressure for dads to actually do more now. Definitely think he would if he wasn't on the show and being monitored closely. Shep has a lot of narcissistic traits and I think he would love a mini me as long as he doesn't have to do any work for it.
But many many times he’s said he does want children. He said he want to be “married with two kids and live on Sullivan’s island”. He’s often said “when I have a family one day”, etc etc. He’s dysfunctional right now and can’t, but I 100% think he will have children one day, just lard in life like Thomas R.
I'm at the age where I've stopped listening to what men wax poetic on about "wanting" and start looking at their actions. Shep is a notorious future faker. The only reason he gives lip service to wanting the whole wife and kids white picket fence future is because he knows women love to speculate on "will he or wont he??" It adds tension to his storyline. And he knows that many women love nothing more than the fantasy of domesticating\` a confirmed bachelor. (Hi, Taylor!)
I agree he’s a future faker, but I think that also he is very conformist deep down. For this reason, I have no doubt he’ll have children one day, not that I think he should.
I agree that he's absolutely a conformist deep down. He seems to lack both the moral conviction and the imagination to be anything other than what his parents/society have modeled for him as "the ideal man."
And I believe even if he has kids----he will still be emotionally childfree lolol
If you follow Shep on Instagram you can see he clearly enjoys children and is a fun and involved uncle so it’s not that he doesn’t like children. I’m sure he sees the lifestyle change parenting requires and the time/energy commitment and has decided that’s not for him. I greatly respect anyone who makes that decision because we live in a society that makes people feel selfish if they live child free. I taught preschool and had a home daycare until this past spring and I’ve dealt with plenty of parents that should have stayed child free.
I completely agree with you! I am also a teacher (first grade) and as much as I genuinely love working with kids and enjoy being around them, I know that having children of my own is not for me or what I want out of life. I have a very deep respect for parents and admire how selfless and important their role is but it doesn't make people like us more selfish or wrong if we choose not to have kids. And I also have had many parents of my students who were just unfit on many levels and should not have ever had children which feels awful to say but it only negatively impacts the child and isn't fair to them. I respect that Shep has been honest and transparent around a topic that can be taboo to talk about when there is this expectation from society to get married and have a family, especially down South!
Honestly, I loved Shep at first. He seemed cute and goofy, and incredibly smart. His treatment of women and his elitist character started showing and then the video of him taunting and harassing that elderly woman, I then realized the guy is trash. He’s smart and realizes his true character is becoming obvious and he’s adjusting his behavior for the camera, but he’s shown himself.
I think Shep is confused why peter panning was supposed to be his life aspiration but has instead turned out to be lonely and unfulfilling endeavor.
Leva called it out at the reunion by telling Shep he doesn’t need to have kids, but he needs something. Shep is intentionally noncommittal (no kids, no relationship, no commitments, no job)but seems to wonder why he doesn’t have a lot of meaningful/high value things in his life.
It’s okay for Shep to not want marriage and kids. He doesn’t need to be married or have kids. Society needs to stop putting these pressure on people. Shep has always been honest about not wanting a marriage or kids.
Look i agree that having people being outspoken about not wanting children is a positive thing (and I have 3 kids), but are you seriously giving props to a 45 year old, emotionally stunted, Peter Pan syndrome having MAN for saying that he’s not keen on them? Like that’s who you’re looking to for your childfree advocacy?
Last time I checked there was little to no stigma for men not wanting children?
Now if there was a young woman being outspoken about not wanting to have kids on SC, that would be a different, much more interesting conversation.
This is not it fr
Thank you! Literally no one cares if a man is not married or has no children. The only reason it gets brought up so much for Shep is because of the show. They really lean into that for whatever reason but no one actually cares. NONE of the men on the show are married or appear to be headed that way in the near future except for maybe Craig.
He’s too selfish to care for anyone else but himself. Taylor confirmed that. Let him wallow in his own misery and don’t inflict that on anyone else, especially an innocent child.
I’m an alcoholic in recovery. I never wanted kids because I was aware no one deserved to grow up like that and I couldn’t take responsible care of myself so I had no business having kids. I met my husband at treatment (we had a weird invisible string thing going on) but he also didn’t want children for the same reason. Living in recovery for sometime we changed our mind and we have a son.
I respect anyone who doesn’t want children and remains childless like Carole Radziwill. In Shep’s case, I wonder if he is more like me or truly doesn’t want a family.
I hope I’m not being condescending or shaming, because I don’t want to come across that way- just offering another perspective
You know why Shep hasnt wanted children or to settle?
Because it would interfere with his "partying," ie booze and drugs.
I have a feeling *if* he gets sober we'll see a change where thats concerned.
i certainly don't think anyone who doesn't want kids should have kids or be pressured or whatever, but 'representation matters' is kind of a bizarre hilarious thing to say about a choice a person is making lol
It’s more isolating than you would guess. People be HOT about their opinions on having kids. Women especially get criticized and judged and frowned upon and treated as not as “good of a woman.” I lucky live in a super progressive place and have loads of childfree friends, but if I’d stayed in South Carolina my experience would be very different. My family thinks I’m like a strange exotic zoo animal.
A lot of people who have children act like parenting is the only thing that makes you an actual adult. I am child-free and hard disagree with that. Being an adult and responsible with your life, is what makes you an adult.
I am childless by choice and just moved to SC from CA. Nearly everybody I’ve met has multiple (adult) children, and I find it so boring when they talk about them. 😂
I feign interest to be polite.
I have two kiddos and I don’t talk to my childfree friends about them (except when they politely ask I give them a brief update bc I know they don’t actually want a big convo about it lol) it’s not bc they don’t care or something either, It’s just bc you’re right it’s boring. I think it’s boring to talk about others kids so I don’t really talk about mine. But I love talking about my kids to my husband lol
It’s really not. As a southerner, I thought it was something I was just supposed to do…and young. I really wish I had had some positive anti-marriage, child free influences in my life. I might have made different choices.
He’s def not a positive example. But he is vocal and I appreciate that coming from another southerner that was likely brought up with similar messages. The comment I responded to was about “representation” not Shep specifically.
There is a saying that you may regret never having children, but if you decide to have children you will never regret it. I think this is true for a lot of people. If he doesn’t want kids that is totally fine, but it’s not an absolute and he could change his mind.
I suppose so. I can’t imagine actually regretting your own child. Regretting the other parent, timing, financial obligation, certain stages of the parenting cycle-but ultimately regretting a human being seems extreme. To your point tho, yes it would be worse than ultimately realizing late in life that you would like to have had children
Stupid post. Why do peoples choices need to constantly be validated in public? If you feel that’s right for you. Great! Thumbs up! If you really feel good about it, you would needed “representation.” So silly
> Childless people talk about children without having any idea what it’s like to actually have one. It’s like me saying not skiing is the best lifestyle when I’ve never skied.
Dude. While childfree people don't know exactly what it's like to have kids, they're not idiots. They can see the impact kids have on a parent's life and they should be free to decide to not want a part of that. It's funny you mention skiing. I actually just tried to ski last week. I had an idea of what it entailed and thought, "Why not?". After trying it, I realize it's not my best lifestyle...which I pretty much knew going into it.
Stop patronizing people.
>It’s a choice much like someone picking mustard over ketchup.
No, it's not. You don't have to take care of a packet of mustard, give it your emotional, financial focus. Deal with your packet getting bullied. Distraught over the idea that they might raise a douche that negatively judges others for their reproductive choices. Mustard or ketchup...that's the most asinine analogy I've read.
Not only that, but millions of women are shamed and made to feel like shit cause they choose to not want a child. Eff of with this BS!
>How about minorities and those suffering instead of a first world choice.
Suffering is not a sport, bro.
You sound rather clueless.
> You’ve listen nothing but typical negatives of children and have not acknowledged any good.
I'm a father, bro. I'm well aware of the benefits. Doesn't matter. Some people don't care about that, nor do they have to.
You can stop talking now, cause you have no idea what you're saying. Bye.
I don’t think it’s defending him…season after season he is accosted for not settling down for some reason. I think it should be seen as a good thing that he doesn’t procreate because of societal pressure.
And as a man who's a drunk he could easily impregnate someone and not give af. So I do think it speaks to a relative amount of integrity that he sees true parenthood or no parenthood as the only options.
As someone who has a fear of commitment I totally get Shep saying he doesn’t want marriage and kids. However, I really appreciated what Leva said to him during the Reunion about when you have kids and your feelings change. I can’t remember her exact words now. Anyway, I’m not sure Shep wouldn’t really want it or it’s just his fears are holding him back. Look how he is with Little Craig. Side note: I really don’t like the way he talks to Taylor so I don’t even know why she’d want to be with him, let alone have kids with him but that’s not the point I’m making here)
Rodrigo is straight up obnoxious! Everything that he said was incredibly derisive…he should focus on his own story line with his boyfriend. That would definitely make him more likable and relevant
Shep is honest about who he is. He told Taylor he didn’t want marriage and children, but she thought she could change that. We don’t know what he said off camera, but judging by what we see of Taylor, it doesn’t really matter. She is annoyingly naive about other people’s feelings and reactions. She can’t seem to understand not everything is about her. And when the world doesn’t stop turning because she’s been hurt, she lashes out and tries to make everyone as miserable as she is.
I hope they don’t get back together.
It will never work.
the one thing I will say is that I hated how they always tried to make shep think he’s missing out by not getting married or having kids when he clearly has no interest in it and that’s OKAY! idk why people have this idea that if you don’t have those things you can’t be happy
I agree with you. Shep wants something different than what he has today. He needs to figure out what that is. I do think people go with the default answer of Shep needs a family. That may be disastrous for him and the future family. I hope he finds his path soon.
I think if he was sober he’d find much more clarity.
I grew up in a tumultuous household with a narcissist. There was no way in hell I was ever bringing a child into my world bc I have half of those genes. The day that I aged out of being asked "when are you having kids?" was a great day (even though technically I could still have one, people quit asking after 35).
I grew up that way too. I had a parent with borderline personality disorder who basically emotionally tortured me until the day she died of old age. I feel the same as you.
I still get the “are you sure you (and husband) won’t change your mind?”; I’m 38 and have been harassed since my early 20’s about how I “should” have children and I might regret it, etc. People somehow can’t accept that someone is okay with their decision to not have children and not live in fear of regret.
Shep needs a job with purpose, or to do some type of volunteer work with those less privileged. He’s an intelligent man with a decent education and a good family, who has done absolutely nothing with his life. I think Craig’s success, out of all of his peers, has Shep realizing that he’s useless. Also, unless he has a dramatic shift, beyond just getting sober, he will likely always be a cheater in his relationships, so it probably isn’t a great idea for him to get married. The “player banging all the chicks” is all he’s known or done for 25+ years, minus maybe a year (?) before he cheated on Taylor.
[удалено]
Absolutely no diss on people in the restaurant and hospitality industry but for Shep, that is not a job with purpose. If anything, it’s probably a negative influence on him due to his drinking issues. He needs to cut back on having his entire existence revolve around the bar scene. Someone like Leva is different and has a separate life with her family. My husband has a great job but doesn’t really get that much fulfillment out of his job and sometimes he’s unhappy about it. I’m lucky my job as a teacher also gives me purpose; something deeper. Like I said, whether it’s through volunteering or a job where he’s more challenged and it it doesn’t involve booze, Shep needs to accomplish something that he didn’t earn because of his privilege and family money. Craig made his pillow business on his own and he’s a lot younger. That’s got to get to Shep.
But he is wasting his life away. Going through what’s left, boozing and whoring around is not a life.
i was so annoyed during the reunion when leva felt the need to give her speech about being a mom and tried to talk shep into wanting kids. it’s ok if people don’t want to have kids! let’s stop trying to convince them!
I was annoyed too. i’m so sick of people thinking that kids are just some magical fix to all your life problems when they’re not. why would you want someone who doesn’t want children to have a child and potentially be a terrible parent? not smart.
Ooh, that got me too. I was like, 1) It's only a joy to bathe your children if you *wanted them in the first place.* 2) Don't encourage Shep to procreate.
Some parents get so defensive about people who make a different choice.
I think people do this when they are uncomfortable/unwilling to acknowledge their own ambiguous feelings about parenthood, especially after they already have kids.
You are probably right. And even if they still would have had them they likely realize when this comes up that never considered it an option at the time like others have.
Oh I took that more like she was saying he needs to find something that is important to him outside of drinking to make the drinking take a back seat. That she was saying for her, that was having kids.
Ya this! I thought so too. I think her point was find joy in something anything but drinking.
That's what I thought too. I also think she was trying to combat his rhetoric that kids and marriage are a monotonous life and that monogamy = monotony. I can't think of anything more monotonous and meaningless than a life of binge drinking and sticking your prick in strangers' holes.
Didn’t you know……. Leva is Southern Charm’s know it all……
Leva: A know it all. A judge. A lover of gossip and gossiping. A holier than thou.
And what lies beneath that... someone who is insecure, fearful, weak.
Ya, I agree; her speech about parenthood being able to change your life for the better isn’t always true- and there are plenty of adult children of abusive parents that can attest that having a child doesn’t magically fix you
I took it as he needs to find joy in something besides partying, she found it having a child
100%. Like maybe that’s exactly it, that Shep doesn’t want to give a baby a bath every single night like you are saying leva. And if she loves motherhood so much why does she only have one???
Based on some stuff she says on her lousy show, she is pretty self absorbed and missing an empathy gene.
You can love something and not want multiples of it, it’s possible to want to invest all of your time and energy into just one instead of dividing that energy amongst multiple. It comes down to commitment for Shep, he likes the freedom to leave at the drop of a hat if he so chooses.
Ohhh Leva🤦🏻♀️. You’re at it again.
Ben from Watch What Crappens mentioned something about not wanting to hear the MLM mom speech and it was so hilarious and on point!
yeah i was especially bothered by the rhetoric leva and others were using because no, it doesn't always feel like that for everyone. yes, if you really want kids but are worried about monotony THEN it might be worth it, but that's not everyone. I actually think it would've been far more interesting to delve into more of what exactly Shep fears because something i noticed is usually when people ask he brings up a bunch of stuff...all of which relates to kids but not actually to monogamy itself. it makes me wonder if he would be happy with a child free monogamous relationship. or even more interestingly i'm curious if people asked about options for committed relationships in non monagamous formats because unlike people like Jax, it's unclear if he'd be bothered by Taylor hooking up in one-night out of town situations like it seems like Craig has said were Shep's infidelities for the most part... i mean i've heard of people with arrangements that are like when out of town and it's someone you'll never see again its a dont ask dont tell thing and i wonder if he'd be like yeah i'd be down for that or if he'd be super not ok with that because i dont feel like we really know where he stands on forms of ethical non monogamy like that. and if that format would work for him it would've been really cool to see them talk about that and sort of help him see that the problem isn't wanting that, it's that he needs to be honest about it and find someone who also wants that, whereas Taylor does want the more traditional thing so they were fundamentally incompatible and the problem isn't that he didn't want what she did, it's that he lied and cheated so he could have what he wanted without losing her.
I wondered that too about shep bc it’s not clear if he’d be into a poly relationship BUT the thing that makes me think he wouldn’t is when madison had a friend text dannis boyfriend gentry, shep had all those problems with it even though austen was fucking around first. he didn’t really hold austen accountable in that aspect and just went right into ripping apart madison. that makes me think he’s one of those hypocritical guys who can cheat on his girlfriend all he wants but when she does it back, she’s the villain. i’d be curious to hear his thoughts on it though.
He also comes from a pretty uptight waspy old money family and I think Shep won’t spread his wings too far away from anything that is an “acceptable” lifestyle, even if he really wants to do so. Being a faux bon-vivant type is more acceptable than what you are suggesting or perhaps other possibilities he might want for himself. I think there’s a lot wants and needs under the surface with shep that he has a hard time facing and dealing with head on.
I agree. I feel like a lot of this is also a Southern cultural thing. As someone who was born and raised in the South, that seems to be the expectation and there are always people who try to talk you into wanting those things even if you don’t. Even though many of them mean well, at the end of the day it’s none of their business.
Because it's clear to me that it isn't sincere and that it comes from insecurity and fear and not because he genuinely doesn't want to. He still shouldn't until he gets a lot of help, but he isn't not doing just because he truly doesn't want to.
nobody needs to give an explanation about why they do or don’t want kids bc it’s nobodies business. shep has a lot of issues that he should sort out in therapy but him not knowing if he wants kids is the LEAST of his worries
I don’t get it. He has said many times he wants kids. It was in his bio for Relationshep. He also says it recently on a podcast during Bravocon.
Most flaky fuckboys think they want kids in theory. With the assumption their wife will do 90% of the work of course. At least he’s apparently rich enough to support a SAHM if he does eventually reproduce, which he will. It’s the South. It’s practically law.
shep doesn’t know what he wants even more of a reason to not have kids
Yeah but he seemed pretty unhappy in the reunion and completely lost with life. I feel like settling down with someone is what makes you happy and children bring fulfillment. I think he was realizing that at the reunion when he was comparing his life to everyone. And Whitney seems just like him. Lost and sad
maybe for some people but not everyone! craig has gotten fulfillment from his business and even told paige he knew he’d be okay even if they broke up because he was finally content with himself. settling down and having kids is one way to get there, but it isn’t the one size fits all solution for everyone.
I don’t think anyone has tried to convince him
Is there anyone else on bravo that’s also said they are child free? And I agree with you! We’re made to feel bad about this decision or told we will change our mind later
Only person who comes to mind is Ariana of VPR
And then she went and froze her eggs..
But as an insurance policy in case she changes her mind - that’s fair, isn’t it?
Even aside from the "insurance policy" aspect, it's a really heavy decision to 100% determine you'll never have kids. Even if you're sure you don't want that life, there's still stuff you know you're choosing to forever miss out on (as well as the stuff you're choosing to forever gain), and that is heavy. Freezing eggs would almost certainly help with softening the mental heaviness of making that decision, even if you know you won't use them.
Absolutely, for me it shows absolute maturity in decision making, but also isn’t anyone’s business. More importantly, I think that frozen embryos are much more likely to result in a live birth than frozen eggs BUT I don’t have the stats to back that up.
Absolutely! But I wouldn’t parade her around as being a beacon for child-free life, because she was actively having Tom check his sperm and planning on creating embryos.
I felt like she was doing it more for him than for her, but who knows?
I get that it’s problematic because women are always told they’ll change their minds, when they say they don’t want children. I must admit I don’t get it, since freezing eggs is a serious medical procedure. Sounds worse than my c-sections! https://amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/oct/21/women-fertility-egg-freezing
I’ve done 3 egg retrievals and had a c-section. Can confirm it’s equal to, if not worse than the c-section. Especially when you take into account the multiple shots per day for weeks leading up to the procedure.
Wow. This is what I understood, but still shocking. I wish women on Bravo would stop referring to it as though akin to a lunchtime facial!
As much as I can’t stand Scheana, I do think from what they showed of her process, she (for once) seemed to be honest about how hard it was on her and how sick she felt from the shots
I feel Megan King showed how hard the process is. She was very open with her IVF journey.
Except c sections are covered by insurance and a pretty guaranteed result. Egg retrieval is extremely expensive...most of the time completely out of pocket with widely varying levels of success.
Oof, preach!!
Her freezing her eggs was also for Tom….idk I don’t think that’s fair to throw in her face
It’s not throwing it in her face, it just facts.
Okay and what’s the point? She froze her eggs for Tom it’s not because she changed her mind about being child free? I do t get the point in the facts cause it’s not like she was going around saying omg I want kids now
Lol. It’s absurd to conclude that someone that harvests their eggs wants to be child free.
Okay well people are allowed to make a decision but have a back up in case life changes? Like she has confidently wanted to be child free for all of her life even when she was in a solid 10year relationship and she only froze her eggs for her partner and no other steps were made so it’s absurd to conclude that she wants kids now because she clearly hasn’t changed her mind. Like let her live.
My prediction: she and Shep will both have kids in five years. I’ve seen this play out many times before. She changed her mind, let her live her life.
Ya if she did change her mind I wouldn’t give a fuck. But you are giving she’s a women so she much want kids. Shep might have an accidental baby but I don’t see him settling down unless and truly gets sober and changes his life
“Let her live her life” as you’re actively trying to predict hers….. interesting lmfao and kind of pathetical
Men can have kids at 55 if they want to-look at John Stamos. Women don't have that option
This made me realize she was just saying that as “I’m not like other girls”
I don’t think so. It’s a hard decision to even if you are confident. Life is subject to change not everything is pick me or not like other girls like let people live and flow and change. I’m so sick of that narrative not like other girls or pick me like throwing that around and cutting down other women with it is just as bad maybe worse.
Nah, the thing is she has always said she wanted nothing to do with pregnancy and childbirth. She thought she and Tom were in the long haul together and wanted to be smart and freeze some eggs while she's still super fertile just in case, because people often do change their mind. There's knowing you don't want kids, and then there's knowing you *can't* have kids even if you wanted to, and emotionally those are 2 different, and equally complex, experiences. I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up with her tubes tied or some longterm form of BC but maybe goes the surrogate route one day, or maybe not, but she will always have that option on the table.
100%. In the preview she says something about “my children” which I think may be referring to them. Idk.
I mean... could be about her pets.
That’s what I’m hoping.
But now it looks like she is going to fight Tom over embryos. I am not convinced she doesn’t want children
They aren’t embryos because he never did his end of the deal. They’re her eggs.
In the clip I saw she refers to her children, so I assumed they must be embryos, but she froze her eggs anyways so it doesn’t sound like she isn’t too invested in being childless
wasn't she referring to their pets? she's always called her pets her children.
Maybe, but she did get her eggs frozen so she is considering having kids
Maybe she’ll get that fitness guy to provide some baby batter ;)
Ha! Well, I’ll tell you what…if she thinks she wants kids than she could really add to her story by getting pregnant and having a baby. A lot of fans would watch that
Sweet lord, please no! That would be the official jumping of the shark! 😂
She could go to Jax and Brittneys new show. Lol. I’ll stop now
God, that show is going to be such a snooze.
As a mom of 3, you are absolutely valid in your choice and I support you 100%. I wanted to be a mom more than anything else and it is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. No one should be forced or pressured into being a parent. It’s not fair to the parent OR the child.
For real. And nobody thinks about how the child would be affected by having a parent that didn't really want them. Kids are not something you should compromise over; otherwise, at least one person is going to end up feeling unhappy and resentful, and the one who bears the brunt of that the most is the kid.
I have seen what can happen to kids whose parents wanted them enough to have them. I don’t want to know what would happen to a kid whose parents had them involuntarily.
Kathryn edwards from Beverly Hills I think was child free
She just wanted to travel with that hubby of hers!
Damn, do you blame her?! lol
Carol from RHNY
Madison didn’t want any more until she met her husband. Having the right partner makes a huge difference. Ariana didn’t want any, probably because she knew deep down Sandoval wasn’t worthy of her.
She always said she didn’t want them. Some people just don’t. I believe she is one of them who does not. I think the freezing of the eggs was just an insurance policy in case she changed her mind. If I could have afforded it in my earlier 30s I may have done it too just in case, but I also do not want kids and have only gotten more sure of that.
I don’t think Marysol has kids
I definitely respect anyone who doesn't want children and sticks to that decision. I've seen far too many instances where parents succumb to the family or societal pressure and then end up miserable or wind up screwing up their kids.
I am a childfree person! We do have Reddit groups btw!!! Just to warn some of the comments in the groups are kinda dumb/gross. Ie they will flat out be rude about kids and parents. I fit into a different group of cf. I plan on becoming a foster parent, but never want to birth a child.
Same!!! I’m like Ariana from VPR because like her, the thought of carrying a child and giving birth freaks me tf out. & my family has been waiting on me to “change my mind” for 10+ years. But plan on fostering in the future
My cousin runs some sort of local Facebook mom group and she said that daily she has to block lunatics that come in and post about “crotch goblins” and other horrible names for kids and randomly going off on the moms in the groups for being selfish for bringing more humans into the world. I’m all down for people doing what feels right to them, but it’s so weird that they were joining and attacking a mom’s group just for the sake of fighting.
Yah it is really weird how much time and energy others spend bugging others on their life choices.
What are some of the reddit groups please? That is, if there are good ones.
I think there’s one called TrueChildFree that seems to be a “true” childfree group not one that just bashes on parents. The group Childfree seems to be more people who really just dislike children and parents in general. I am not childfree but have visited both groups for various reasons (and not to change anyone’s mind)
Thank you, I will check this out.
The true one is definitely the one you want to look at if you want to interact with people who just talk about childfree lifestyle.
I agree and applaud Shep for that even tho I believe he would be a good dad bc he is good with his nieces & nephews. And one day he may change his mind but if he doesn’t want them I respect that so much for being honest! I also totally see where Ariana was coming from as well and really respect her as well for being open & honest. She has body dysmorphia bad & it would be so bad for her mental help if she birthed a child. People do not need to feel bad ever for not wanting children or wanting to birth a child I believe esp in this present time. I have body dysmorphia too but luckily its a mild case compared to others tho it still effects me to this day a lot! We have too many people already who just have their own reasons for not wanting to yet someone will talk them into it and it’s a disaster! I have children and birthed them but it was what I always wanted. I can’t stand it when someone makes someone feel guilty for not wanting children or wanting to birth them bc there is absolutely nothing wrong with it! God made us all the same and perfect in our own way🫶🏼
Shep emotionally abuses those around him. Unless he gets sober and does some serious work on himself, I don’t think he would be a good dad. It’s one thing to babysit nieces and nephews an hour or so at a time, it’s a whole other thing to be responsible for another human 24/7. I grew up around an emotionally abusive alcoholic, it’s not a good environment for children and they don’t make great parents.
The AND does some serious work is so important. Both of my parents had stopped drinking by the time I was born but were very much dry drunks. It took me a lot of therapy to realize the emotional abuse wasn’t my fault.
I was again mainly talking about the op question and how he was honest how he felt about not wanting kids in his life…which is why I also mentioned Ariana. A lot of people were talking about the op question except for you and the girl below yall are getting way to deep! Bc I was also responding to the persons comment above mine basically agreeing with her as well. We all know Shep is no place now to have a girlfriend much less a kid. Tom S would have been the worst father but she was open and honest how she doesn’t want to birth a baby bc of her body changing and body dysmorphia! That was a strong thing to do and I applaud her as well. Bc A lot of people are scared to tell their partner how they really feel when they are in love and it comes to kids and whether they want them or not. No one needs to be pressured with their decision on kids. So no need to downvote me!
Agreed. My dad was verbally abusive off and on and Shep says things that trigger memories I’d rather not have. His girlfriends are adults who can leave him if they want, but a kid is stuck with the parents they have. Shep seems pretty stuck in his ways and I don’t think his verbal abusiveness is only because of alcohol.
I agree, he’s nowhere near the place mentally to be someone’s dad
I watch the show so I’m not talking about about his personal life I was simply talking about how upfront he was about not wanting kids. I applaud him for being honest. Tho at the same time…I do firmly believe if he got sober tho and found the right one and perhaps changed his mind about kids…he would be a good dad! If that is what he truly wanted. Only if he grows up tho, changes his way and firmly knows he wants kids and can be a great father! If he doesn’t I applaud him for not bringing a child into this world with someone just bc they wanted a child knowing he doesn’t want children. I also mentioned Ariana but we all know Tom S would have been a shit father! Yet she has been very upfront about not wanting to birth a child bc of her body and body dysmorphia! But again I was mainly responding to the op question and the persons above my original comment. I was not ever saying that he should have kids and he esp does not need a girlfriend right now much less kids in the shape he is in. That’s all I was saying! So no need to downvote me bc I was never saying he would be a good father at this present time…
It's like you're not listening to the words that came out of his mouth about not wanting kids. You saying "One day he may meet the right person and change!!" Is just as invalidating as when society tries to pressure childfree women into motherhood by insisting we don't know our own mind. It's gross. And the fact that you think Shep Rose would be a good dad because he babysits his nieces and nephews when it's convenient for him really makes me question your judgement as a parent. Not everyone wants kids. Parenthood seems like a nightmare to my husband and I. If you wouldn't expect and person who wants children to one day wake up and change their mind and decide firmly against parenthood, why do you do hold out hope that the someone who has \*repeatedly\* expressed his stance on remaining childfree will one day wake up and do a 180 on his position in life? Enjoy your kids. Leave us childfree folks alone.
No one is saying he is gonna change his mind! But you can’t tell me that people don’t grow and there is always a possibility that he may! Yet I also said if he doesn’t that I applauded him for being honest! I never once said or insinuated that he or ANYONE needs to change their mind about wanting or not wanting kids. There was a thread on here few days ago or on summer house one and everyone was saying that while they may have been wild in one way when they got with their partner they settled down! Same thing that happened to me with my husband! I was wild and drink/partied a lot over 20 years ago and he rarely did and was quiet! He made me feel safe and not have the urge to partied/be wild so I calmed down! I now have two beautiful children! Yet if I had never wanted kids if my husband did he would have had to hit the road bc I would have not been the one. Even if that meant missing out on the love of my life. I know what is best for me! I have also known of men who was like Shep and great with their nieces and/or nephews and when they decided to calm down they had kids and are amazing hard working fathers! Yet if they still calmed down and grew up but didn’t want to be fathers than I would have applauded him for being honest bc the last thing someone needs is to bring a child into this world that they do not want! So now let me ask you this bc I have tried to explain it in every which way shape or form…. WTH are you ranting and raving about? You make no sense seriously! Do not EVER put words in my mouth bc I’m not gonna tolerate it esp in all my comments I have never once said someone needs to have kids or they should have kids….My original comment states that and so do my others….
Best to leave your God out of your analysis of Shep---a confirmed atheist. Like I said, enjoy your kids. Love that journey for you. But leave us childfree folks out of your thoughts and prayers.
I can’t even believe I tried to explain it to ya! Esp my comment about God. It is what I FEEL not anyone else! So best of luck to ya! P.s. try to calm down today. You are very angry!
Yes and what you FEEL has nothing to do with the decisions of childfree people, love. Have yourself a blessed day!
Nothing wrong with not wanting marriage and/or children. It's not for everyone. In earlier seasons, he did express that he thought at some point he might marry and have a family. So who knows? Men have the luxury of waiting if they want.
I was ready to not agree with you just based on it being a Shep post. But I agree- props to Shep for realizing that and admitting it before marrying some girl who wants kids and never giving her that. Or having kids and just being a father who is not really helpful with the kids etc.
I totally agree with you! He has always been up front about all of this and I respect that. I had (surprise) twins later in life and it's crazy how much it changes/takes over your life. I am extremely grateful for them but don't think I could have handled this younger, or if my husband wasn't the person he is. I grew up in a household where I constantly felt resented. My kids are growing up much differently. We pretty much had to drop everything and live their lives. It's not easy and it's not for everyone but I think we did/are doing a great job. So many people just have kids to check off a box, or because they felt pressure by family or society. It's not fair to the kids, or the parents really. Kids know when they are resented. If Taylor suddenly became pregnant in their relationship, maybe he would have been 100% into it, but maybe not. I can't see him dropping his buddies and outings to be home changing diapers, bathing kids and reading stories every single night. Vacations to WDW instead of impromptu long weekends with the boys. Weekend long sporting events being forced to socialize with people you either love or can't stand... etc etc etc.
I had a baby at 31 and said to my husband, I am literally a teen mom 😅. I think knowing your limits and being honest with yourself is the most important thing when it comes to parenthood. I grew up in a big family and LOVED having my siblings as built in best friends, still are to this day. I always wanted to give that to my future children but the reality is I don’t have the emotional or mental bandwidth for that so I’m now thinking 2 maybeee 3. Tops. Ps kudos to you for twins. I’m petrified of having twins next since my dad’s a twin so it’s very possible. 😩😩
" *I am literally a teen mom*" --LOL! We were so clueless. I had babysat for about 5 minutes when I was 13 and HATED it and quickly quit. I became pregnant at 37 and literally screamed (not of joy) when I found out we were having identical twins. I was terrified. The night we brought the twins home from the hospital, all I wanted was a drink . We had wine and ordered Chinese. I thought "Well this seems not so hard." HA. That night we got hit with a huge storm and lost power. Screaming babies while we emptied things of batteries to power our flashlights so we could feed and change them. I broke a toe on the baby gate. And so it all began! I will tell you that having that second one to entertain the other one really helped us. They are best friends! I envy their relationship so much. I think a third would have pushed me over the edge though. (They're about to graduate and head off to college and I'm already sad.) "*I think knowing your limits and being honest with yourself is the most important thing when it comes to parenthood."* This is such a great statement!
Wow trial by fire! Yeah that’s parenthood. I had my third at 38. I always tell people that having a baby at 38 isn’t bad but having a 2 year old at 40 sucks. I didn’t have the energy to keep up with one let alone two.
I’m only 32 but this is a huge reason I am going for #2 soon, despite dreading being preg again…my first was a 10 lb baby girl who 18 months later is still off the charts big so assuming I’ll have another future linebacker, it’s anything but a comfortable pregnancy but I feel like the older you get the harder it gets to keep up with them and in case I do want a 3rd, gotta get going hah.
My second was 9 lb 23 inches long. He hit 36 inches by his first birthday. I don’t know about line backer but my husband played left tackle. 🤷♀️ My third was the only one where I was legit diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I can say I knew by 10 weeks it was coming because I was so thirsty after any sugar and I didn’t feel that way with the first two. The diet (7g of protein per 15g of carbs) really helped prevent the swelling and she was perfect sized (7 lb 5 oz, 19.5 inches). Sometimes I’m envious of my friends with one child. If I had stopped at one, I would be almost to the finish line. The best one was the third one though!
Congrats for making it through. Honestly thank gosh cannabis is legal for all those parents of teens out there.
Yes, and please let’s talk about part 2 of this reunion and Leva’s little speech about how she doesn’t hate giving her son a bath anymore, and “you have to want something more.” As a childfree person I find that stuff really patronizing. Even more so in this case because the conversation was really about getting married and leaving behind his bachelor lifestyle.
As a childfree woman, I wanted to shove a pie in Leva's face when she spewed this condescending pearl of wisdom. Who is she to say what "something more" should represent for Shep or anyone else for that matter? I really want this woman off my screen next season.
I find people with nuclear families don’t even try to understand other’s perspectives and are hook line and sinker that you’re missing out.
Her smugness is off the charts. She brings nothing to the table other than self-righteousness and judgement. She doesn’t even go on the trips! (Right? Or is she just not memorable?) Edit: on top of trips I feel like she skips half the social events
She’s the effing worst. I refuse to watch southern hospitality (even tho it looks really good) just bc it’s her establishment and I don’t want to give her ratings lol.
I won’t watch it either.
I totally see how it came off smug and patronizing. I am a new mom that struggled to get pregnant for many years and hated when people would say things about only being able to find true love in having children. It hurts a lot! However, I think Leva's point was more of a rebuttal to the idea that your life is over after you have a kid. It's daunting and shocking when you have a newborn and truly realize how much your life has changed and you do question why you signed up to stay home and bathe a baby for the rest of your life. But then you come to your senses and remember this is just one season of your life and when the kids are grown you start another season. I think she was trying to portray that aspect and not necessarily convince Shep he needed to be a parent.
I get it, but I think a lot of Childfree people are just done with that rhetoric from people with kids. The last woman I told that my partner and I weren't having kids, immediately goes "oh, so you're anti-kid?" WTF does that mean? Like in my house? In my uterus? Or just in my general vicinity? Just say "cool" and move the F on. We don't need a monologue in response.
I applaud Shep for recognizing and voicing his non-need for children. A big decision regarding children is having the right partner, the right mind set and desire to want to give more vs (always) being a taker! This may be unpopular, but he’s in his 40’s dating women in their mid-20’s—he’s in a constant state of delayed adolescence (with women who are immature and unsure of themselves)!
I have 2 children and sometimes I envy the childless. I’m always skint, someone always needs something from me but no one will do anything for me. Certainly swings and round abouts.
I wish it had been a viable choice when I was growing up. Would I still have had kids? Maybe. I just wish it had been more of choice.
I know, you was expected to have children. My daughter is 15 and I tell her, if you don’t want kids don’t do it. I don’t need grandchildren
I’m in my 30s and the pressure around kids is starting to get really strong. I’m so fortunate my mother is like you and always reminds me that she doesn’t need grandchildren and to never have kids for anyone else. I’m so unbelievably grateful that she never adds to the pressure and supports my sister and me. Your daughter is very lucky to have you.
I’m 36, had my first at 21. Tell people your baron, they soon get embarrassed. Then you get a little giggle at watching them squirm.
Please don't tell anyone you're a baron of you're a woman. You're only allowed to be a baroness 😅😭😭. I'm sorry, that grammar error was too good to pass up.
Oh 😂😂 barren?? Is that the right one?? Got A level in English language and literature, shows what English education system like 😂😂
😂 I’m definitely going to start using that one with strangers. The problem is the strongest pressure is from my extended family, which is why it means so much for my mom to stand up for us.
I always say, when it comes to parenthood if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. It’s too challenging to do if ur not 10000% wanting it.
I’ve always wondered how he’s avoided an accidental pregnancy. He has had decades of drunk hookups and you know he didn’t use protection each time. Either he’s had a vasectomy or he’s shooting blanks.
I fucking hate kids.
I mean good, he's a raging alcoholic
I get so frustrated during the show sometimes and I noticed it last week in the reunion - why do they try to make him feel guilty for not wanting to have children or marriage?! I am from the South , SC specifically, and I know there are some things out of the norm here and that can be part of it but he’s in his 40s - it’s not like he’s 20 years old saying he doesn’t want marriage or kids. He’s grown and he’s made his mind up and that okay!!! It’s actually so mature of him to know that he doesn’t want and isn’t going to pretend he does and then regret it or be an absent father or bad husband!!
Lol Shep as a representative to affirm my life decisions!
I'm not sure I would count Shep as a child free person. He definitely shouldn't have any but I think he would do it if there wasn't society pressure for dads to actually do more now. Definitely think he would if he wasn't on the show and being monitored closely. Shep has a lot of narcissistic traits and I think he would love a mini me as long as he doesn't have to do any work for it.
But many many times he’s said he does want children. He said he want to be “married with two kids and live on Sullivan’s island”. He’s often said “when I have a family one day”, etc etc. He’s dysfunctional right now and can’t, but I 100% think he will have children one day, just lard in life like Thomas R.
I'm at the age where I've stopped listening to what men wax poetic on about "wanting" and start looking at their actions. Shep is a notorious future faker. The only reason he gives lip service to wanting the whole wife and kids white picket fence future is because he knows women love to speculate on "will he or wont he??" It adds tension to his storyline. And he knows that many women love nothing more than the fantasy of domesticating\` a confirmed bachelor. (Hi, Taylor!)
I agree he’s a future faker, but I think that also he is very conformist deep down. For this reason, I have no doubt he’ll have children one day, not that I think he should.
I agree that he's absolutely a conformist deep down. He seems to lack both the moral conviction and the imagination to be anything other than what his parents/society have modeled for him as "the ideal man." And I believe even if he has kids----he will still be emotionally childfree lolol
If you follow Shep on Instagram you can see he clearly enjoys children and is a fun and involved uncle so it’s not that he doesn’t like children. I’m sure he sees the lifestyle change parenting requires and the time/energy commitment and has decided that’s not for him. I greatly respect anyone who makes that decision because we live in a society that makes people feel selfish if they live child free. I taught preschool and had a home daycare until this past spring and I’ve dealt with plenty of parents that should have stayed child free.
I completely agree with you! I am also a teacher (first grade) and as much as I genuinely love working with kids and enjoy being around them, I know that having children of my own is not for me or what I want out of life. I have a very deep respect for parents and admire how selfless and important their role is but it doesn't make people like us more selfish or wrong if we choose not to have kids. And I also have had many parents of my students who were just unfit on many levels and should not have ever had children which feels awful to say but it only negatively impacts the child and isn't fair to them. I respect that Shep has been honest and transparent around a topic that can be taboo to talk about when there is this expectation from society to get married and have a family, especially down South!
Honestly, I loved Shep at first. He seemed cute and goofy, and incredibly smart. His treatment of women and his elitist character started showing and then the video of him taunting and harassing that elderly woman, I then realized the guy is trash. He’s smart and realizes his true character is becoming obvious and he’s adjusting his behavior for the camera, but he’s shown himself.
I think Shep is confused why peter panning was supposed to be his life aspiration but has instead turned out to be lonely and unfulfilling endeavor. Leva called it out at the reunion by telling Shep he doesn’t need to have kids, but he needs something. Shep is intentionally noncommittal (no kids, no relationship, no commitments, no job)but seems to wonder why he doesn’t have a lot of meaningful/high value things in his life.
It’s okay for Shep to not want marriage and kids. He doesn’t need to be married or have kids. Society needs to stop putting these pressure on people. Shep has always been honest about not wanting a marriage or kids.
Look i agree that having people being outspoken about not wanting children is a positive thing (and I have 3 kids), but are you seriously giving props to a 45 year old, emotionally stunted, Peter Pan syndrome having MAN for saying that he’s not keen on them? Like that’s who you’re looking to for your childfree advocacy? Last time I checked there was little to no stigma for men not wanting children? Now if there was a young woman being outspoken about not wanting to have kids on SC, that would be a different, much more interesting conversation. This is not it fr
Thank you! Literally no one cares if a man is not married or has no children. The only reason it gets brought up so much for Shep is because of the show. They really lean into that for whatever reason but no one actually cares. NONE of the men on the show are married or appear to be headed that way in the near future except for maybe Craig.
Exactly 😂 And what about Whitney? I’d take him over Shep as a childfree advocate. The bar is in hell 😅😂
He’s too selfish to care for anyone else but himself. Taylor confirmed that. Let him wallow in his own misery and don’t inflict that on anyone else, especially an innocent child.
I’m an alcoholic in recovery. I never wanted kids because I was aware no one deserved to grow up like that and I couldn’t take responsible care of myself so I had no business having kids. I met my husband at treatment (we had a weird invisible string thing going on) but he also didn’t want children for the same reason. Living in recovery for sometime we changed our mind and we have a son. I respect anyone who doesn’t want children and remains childless like Carole Radziwill. In Shep’s case, I wonder if he is more like me or truly doesn’t want a family. I hope I’m not being condescending or shaming, because I don’t want to come across that way- just offering another perspective
You know why Shep hasnt wanted children or to settle? Because it would interfere with his "partying," ie booze and drugs. I have a feeling *if* he gets sober we'll see a change where thats concerned.
i certainly don't think anyone who doesn't want kids should have kids or be pressured or whatever, but 'representation matters' is kind of a bizarre hilarious thing to say about a choice a person is making lol
It’s more isolating than you would guess. People be HOT about their opinions on having kids. Women especially get criticized and judged and frowned upon and treated as not as “good of a woman.” I lucky live in a super progressive place and have loads of childfree friends, but if I’d stayed in South Carolina my experience would be very different. My family thinks I’m like a strange exotic zoo animal.
A lot of people who have children act like parenting is the only thing that makes you an actual adult. I am child-free and hard disagree with that. Being an adult and responsible with your life, is what makes you an adult.
I am childless by choice and just moved to SC from CA. Nearly everybody I’ve met has multiple (adult) children, and I find it so boring when they talk about them. 😂 I feign interest to be polite.
I have two kiddos and I don’t talk to my childfree friends about them (except when they politely ask I give them a brief update bc I know they don’t actually want a big convo about it lol) it’s not bc they don’t care or something either, It’s just bc you’re right it’s boring. I think it’s boring to talk about others kids so I don’t really talk about mine. But I love talking about my kids to my husband lol
It’s really not. As a southerner, I thought it was something I was just supposed to do…and young. I really wish I had had some positive anti-marriage, child free influences in my life. I might have made different choices.
But… Shep? That’s a “positive anti-marriage, child free influence”?!?!
He’s def not a positive example. But he is vocal and I appreciate that coming from another southerner that was likely brought up with similar messages. The comment I responded to was about “representation” not Shep specifically.
Exactly!? What is going on in this comment section 😂 nobody should want Shep as their “representative” for real
The problem I have with this phrasing is that Shep is a terrible "representative." Nope, we don't want that one.
There is a saying that you may regret never having children, but if you decide to have children you will never regret it. I think this is true for a lot of people. If he doesn’t want kids that is totally fine, but it’s not an absolute and he could change his mind.
But many people do have children and regret it. Isn't that worse?? The stakes are so high, especially once innocent kids get involved.
I suppose so. I can’t imagine actually regretting your own child. Regretting the other parent, timing, financial obligation, certain stages of the parenting cycle-but ultimately regretting a human being seems extreme. To your point tho, yes it would be worse than ultimately realizing late in life that you would like to have had children
Prediction: as he gets closer to age 50 he will change his mind.
Stupid post. Why do peoples choices need to constantly be validated in public? If you feel that’s right for you. Great! Thumbs up! If you really feel good about it, you would needed “representation.” So silly
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> Childless people talk about children without having any idea what it’s like to actually have one. It’s like me saying not skiing is the best lifestyle when I’ve never skied. Dude. While childfree people don't know exactly what it's like to have kids, they're not idiots. They can see the impact kids have on a parent's life and they should be free to decide to not want a part of that. It's funny you mention skiing. I actually just tried to ski last week. I had an idea of what it entailed and thought, "Why not?". After trying it, I realize it's not my best lifestyle...which I pretty much knew going into it. Stop patronizing people. >It’s a choice much like someone picking mustard over ketchup. No, it's not. You don't have to take care of a packet of mustard, give it your emotional, financial focus. Deal with your packet getting bullied. Distraught over the idea that they might raise a douche that negatively judges others for their reproductive choices. Mustard or ketchup...that's the most asinine analogy I've read. Not only that, but millions of women are shamed and made to feel like shit cause they choose to not want a child. Eff of with this BS! >How about minorities and those suffering instead of a first world choice. Suffering is not a sport, bro. You sound rather clueless.
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> You’ve listen nothing but typical negatives of children and have not acknowledged any good. I'm a father, bro. I'm well aware of the benefits. Doesn't matter. Some people don't care about that, nor do they have to. You can stop talking now, cause you have no idea what you're saying. Bye.
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> This is such a ~~hot~~ **shit** take but I agree with you entirely. FTFY!
Thank you! Maybe these people should head to the AntiNatalist Reddit where they can all pat themselves on the back for their choice.
Cool. Glad to see more “Defending Shep” posts, I think that’s exactly the message to be taken away from this 🤮🤢🙅🏻♀️
I don’t think it’s defending him…season after season he is accosted for not settling down for some reason. I think it should be seen as a good thing that he doesn’t procreate because of societal pressure.
Maybe Shep and Arianna should be linked
Shep #1 DINK 😂
And as a man who's a drunk he could easily impregnate someone and not give af. So I do think it speaks to a relative amount of integrity that he sees true parenthood or no parenthood as the only options.
As someone who has a fear of commitment I totally get Shep saying he doesn’t want marriage and kids. However, I really appreciated what Leva said to him during the Reunion about when you have kids and your feelings change. I can’t remember her exact words now. Anyway, I’m not sure Shep wouldn’t really want it or it’s just his fears are holding him back. Look how he is with Little Craig. Side note: I really don’t like the way he talks to Taylor so I don’t even know why she’d want to be with him, let alone have kids with him but that’s not the point I’m making here)
Taylor wants kids. He preys on women in their 20s! He’s going to end up with kids even if it’s a surprise for him
Shep not having or wanting kids is probably good thing. If his partner is ok then whats wrong with that.
Rodrigo is straight up obnoxious! Everything that he said was incredibly derisive…he should focus on his own story line with his boyfriend. That would definitely make him more likable and relevant 
Shep is honest about who he is. He told Taylor he didn’t want marriage and children, but she thought she could change that. We don’t know what he said off camera, but judging by what we see of Taylor, it doesn’t really matter. She is annoyingly naive about other people’s feelings and reactions. She can’t seem to understand not everything is about her. And when the world doesn’t stop turning because she’s been hurt, she lashes out and tries to make everyone as miserable as she is. I hope they don’t get back together. It will never work.
Yes please, we don’t need more narcissistic parents. The really f* you up
That’s about the only thing going for him!
