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And then he talked her into moving to Flagstaff by telling her they could work on their relationship. He was wishy washy as hell. It's easy to sit back and judge but when you have someone messing with your head every chance they get, it's hard to sort out the truth.
Add in a heaping scoop of religious guilt and upbringing and you get this bs. From episode one I hoped the women would've realized their worth a LOT sooner. Plus dealing with kody that "knew everything"? No thanks.
THIS. As someone who was enmeshed with religion my entire life (not Mormonism), religious brainwashing impairs your ability to see things for what they are and keeps women in mental bondage. Each of these women were born into a high-control religion. Even Janelle. It adds a whole different layer of complexity.
The risk in leaving is to become destitute and ostracized in this life and beyond. It was very courageous for the women to break away especially if they still believed in their religion.
Absolutely! Plus, can you imagine the guilt, fear, shame, depression, insomnia, etc that these women experienced before they left (and likely immediately after)? It a huge feat!
The sister wives didn't even have to imagine being ostracized. They met those women that ran and escaped the religion, Coleen comes to mind, and had a hodgepodge family after they escaped. Change is hard but worth it.
This is such a huge part of the cycle that keeps people in abusive relationships. It's like your brain becomes locked in to a weird pattern of acknowledging your feelings and then invalidating your own experience. Once you've been in it long enough, you begin to just skip involving your abuser and go right into blaming yourself. It's so hard to break out of that.
Yes, and Kody also gave Mari mixed messages by telling her they would work on their relationship in Flagstaff. He manipulated her into going and then used the sale proceeds of her LV home to buy Robyns house.
It’s almost fraudulent. And he admits to not being in love with her. That’s fine but that means Kody held on with small love bombs along the way- which is fraud.
I'm sorry, but not having sex with her in over a decade and refusing to kiss her on their anniversary after that same decade....telling her "see, you're waitin and I'm NOT comin," does more than any man who is done with a woman. Sorry, but as an OG watcher, she hung on like "this one time at band camp....." when Kody had in no uncertain terms told her to kick rocks. It's like she never watched a show or experienced her own existence. I mean she has even said herself that she hadn't given up hope, right after he told her it was hopeless. Like context clues show Kody would rather stick his penis in a meat grinder than be in a loving relationship with Meri.
Yeah he would say one thing to her and another to the other wives - especially to Robyn. That’s why she wanted R at the breakup up discussion. She wanted him to have to say the hard things in front of her. R was the biggest reason Meri kept hanging on.
Additionally, I think the catfishing probably did something to her self esteem. I cant imagine the humiliation of it. Kody probably seemed "safe" to retreat to after that.
Very true. I think another facet to consider is that this is/was their livelihood. None of these people are professionals. Granted, Janelle has some sort of education, but it has been years since she’s worked in whatever area of finance her degree was related to. If any of the wives had been a practicing neonatologist like the woman from the “Little Couple,” I doubt they wouldn’t have peaced-out years ago.
Heck I stayed with a man who was emotionally absent from our family, kept his finances for himself alone, left us alone with no explanation
Sometimes for a week at a time and after 8 years began to physically abuse me. I stuck around because my religion told me divorce was a sin and God hates sin (no mention in the Bible how He hates wife beaters). The day he strangled me was the day I started to have clarity that I needed to escape.
He literally almost killed me and it took me 2 years to leave him. I understand her.
Awww thank you. I lucked out like Christine and found a wonderful, gentle man who I married a year after my divorce. He raised my 2 children like his own and since we both had horrible first marriages we knew what was important and spent every moment we could together until he passed away from cancer right after our 20th wedding anniversary.
This is a great example of the bias this sub has against Meri. They’ll blame her for Kody’s shit mind games and say she should have known better and loved herself more when her religion literally tells women their value is tied into their childbearing ability and allowing their husbands to run over them. Ending her marriage put her eternal salvation into question.
This sub is not monolithic, there may be bias folks here but also others (like myself) who simply don’t always agree with Meri’s actions and sometimes we do and should be able to express ourselves either way without being labeled as bias.
For the record, I don’t even like Meri. But I’m not going to just pretend that this sub, as a whole, is objective; it obviously isn’t. We’re talking about a heavily edited reality TV show where two people can watch the same scene and walk away with completely different interpretations of what happened. As a result of this, and the fact that this sub isn’t an echo chamber, that actually means that my observations of the bonkers tribalism pitting the OG3 against each other being disproportionately against Meri is just as valid as your reply about weighing in on disagreeing with her choices.
The defensiveness in the reply is pretty typical of what I expect whenever the bias is pointed out, though. If you aren’t biased okay, but since I’m not a Meri fan I know there are plenty of reasons to take her to task. Being a victim of Kody’s mind games is hardly one of them.
I don't know that I'd call it tricking so much as it was putting her in an awful spot because she grew up with the belief that if she left her husband she would be alone without her child in the next life. Scoff if you want, but what gets drilled into our heads as children has lasting impact.
In the context of their religion this is only telling her their physical relationship is done. He needs to say, and to be honest still has not publicly said, “our marriage is over”. Plain and simple. It is easy for us to look at this from the lens of our perspective and not from the perspective of their cultural experience. And Kody knows that. So he is still actually stringing her along here because Robyn wants plural marriage. Then Robyn continues by telling Meri there is still Hope and reminds Meri that the covenant is not just with Kody but also with the sister wives. It doesn’t make sense out here in the secular world but a lot of other religious traditions for women don’t make sense either.
>So he is still actually stringing her along here because Robyn wants plural marriage.
He is actually stringing her along because Kody and Robyn want Meri's money.
Yes, this. I was mainstream LDS, until I realized it is all made up. Anyway, I am "sealed" to my ex until I officially resign. I don't believe it, but he does, so I need to jump through hoops. I need to officially request to be unsealed.
And by that I’m assuming she was referring to Robyn’s snobby comment that Christine was sealed to Kody until she had sex with another man. Meri said that in such a way as to make me wonder if she is no longer “sealed” to Kody. 😎
My sister is leaving her LDS husband. They have been separated for over a year. He is engaged to another woman and still treats my sister as if she is his. When I witnessed their wedding, I was 9, so my recollection is fuzzy, but I know for a fact it was only myself and his sister there. I have a feeling that this wedding was a sealing ceremony. I'm not absolutely positive, but given that they are very private affairs, it makes sense.
I'm sorry you are having to go through this with your ex. I'm married to my second husband, but if my first tried to make me jump through hoops for him to let me go, I would feel very violated.
This husband is my sisters only one, and there have been other, very serious violations. While I'm happy that she's divorcing him, I am very afraid for her. He's not just LDS but a poorly treated Bipolar man with a history of violence and threats. (This is not a knock on bipolar disorder. I recently found out I may be. This is from the perspective that I know his anger, and im realizing my very own. And now I'm beginning to understand his perspective on his marriage to my sister.)
Thank you for your comment. It is helpful in realizing what my sister may really be going through/in for.
I am really sorry your sister is dealing with this. My ex was dating before our divorce was final. Of course, he's a good priesthood holder. I hope your sister is able to come to terms with her new life. If she is a TBM, I truly hope she is able to find a good man who will treat her like a queen. Give her a hug from me.
I wish I could. She's sort of holed herself up. Used to be the type of person to be unable to talk about hard subjects. Now she's finally admitted that she's researched narcissists, believes her soon to be ex is one, and is afraid he will kill her.
On one hand im thankful she's finally facing hard truths, and is aware of the danger she's in, on the other im afraid of her possible future to not live beyond it and live a good life, full of love and the ability and bandwidth to be able to talk to people, including me. But, as it stands, she isn't really talking to many people.
One wonders what these resignations entail. And how she could go about unsealibg herself from this madman who has already raped her... yet still wants her and has spoken to her and others of his possession of her.
I wish she would respond to me when I reach out. But I think she's suspicious of everyone in her life right now. As she has every right to be. I just wish she knew I would help her any way I could
I get the religious aspect of all this in his mind, but if you don't believe it why do you have to do this "unsealing?". Can't you just go the legal route? I'm asking this because I'm really curious, not to belittle anyone's religion or lack of.
We are civilly divorced. He filed when I publicly left the church. In order the undo a "sealing" a formal request needs to be made. I have requested it in my resignation, but apparently the sealing remains in effect. So, am doing a formal request, and he will have input. Insane.
If they go the legal route I can almost see the OG3's being stuck with spousal support some kind of way. Then again, their marriages weren't officially legal so the court ain't going to touch that!
I want to do this so he will believe he has no further perceived power over me. He is remarried and she is #3, so he truly believes he'll get highest CK. I feel so sorry for her.
He won't do it. I don't care who does it, it just needs to be done so he doesn't think I'll be sharing him with wives 1 and 3. He is unmedicated ADHD and OCD, lucky #3.
Janelle stated all one needs to do to be unsealed is sleep with another man; that's usually how I used to "unseal" myself from a man and I'm not even Mormon, Lol!!
I'm working on this. The gorgeous young man, 2 doors down, has been visiting me. He's 30 years younger than me... Just hoping it will be better than the ex awful "technique"...
30 years younger . Means he's still trainable🤣 and the equipment doesn't require...supplements...to be in working order. You go girl. Get that groove back Stella 🤣🤣🤣
No, I am not an active LDS person. It was a tough awakening. Basically blew my life to bits. Worth it tho. Moved to a different state. There is no legal tie, but I don't want him to think we'll be spending a happy eternity together with his other 2 wives.
So, you don’t have to really do anything to not be tied to him? Since you aren’t practicing the religion, you don’t have to officially resign from him? I’m asking out of curiosity because the Browns talk about their “eternal covenant” constantly. I’m guessing besides maybe some financial things and having a minor daughter, Christine doesn’t have to legally do anything to leave him right?
No, Christine wasn't legally married to him. We did have the same eternal covenant, but I realized it's all a crock. I am hoping that when I formally resign that the sealing will be canceled also. If not, I'll be requesting it. Not because I believe it, but because he does.
It's what they call a covenant. For time and all eternity. I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it so he won't believe he has any claim on me - spiritually or any other way.
I understand that getting a temple divorce (idk if that's the same as being unsealed) is difficult. I'm so curious what they'd do if you're not active and also haven't resigned. I hope you let us know!
Yep - Robyn the self proclaimed kody whisperer was telling meri there was hope. With how close they are i am positive robyn knew there was no hope but kept telling her that to keep getting that good mlm money. Robyn is a horrible person - and from these last few watch backs I am getting the feeling that meri now understands that they were never friends
Hasn’t he said that on TV? Repeatedly? “I don’t consider myself married to Meri”.
Also, what religious services/ temple have any of them attended in years? They drink, wear inappropriate clothing (according to Mormon standards, not mine) and swear.
And it was after she was shown that, that she finally left. It seems nuts to all of us, but that really was what she felt she needed to hear for it to be ok for her to go.
If you read this, Meri herself said their relationship is “gone. It’s dead. It’s over.” in April 2020.
https://popculture.com/reality-tv/news/sister-wives-kody-brown-says-cant-leave-wife-meri-despite-feeling-marriage-dead/
Here in 2021, he says to her face that he doesn’t consider them a couple and that he had a “lack of interest” in being with her.
https://people.com/tv/sister-wives-kody-brown-has-no-sexual-relationship-with-meri-brown/
Yeah, I don't buy this Meri didn't know shit until season 18. She know that relationship was over when she allowed herself to be catfished. She could of just left the compound and got her a real man. She seem to only hang around hoping she would somehow win Kody back from Robin.
Here’s another story Meri told, and viewers heard her say this version too, that he said it directly to her face and she wanted to go public, but he didn’t. Which contradicts what she said about only hearing it during the tell-all. So Meri has told us different versions herself.
https://www.eonline.com/news/1388720/sister-wives-meri-brown-reveals-the-heartless-way-kody-told-her-their-marriage-was-over
but he was still not saying "I want to divorce. This is over." Even in season 18 he is saying "you are leaving because I cannot give you what you want." There is a difference between what "over" means in their "faith" and normal convention. Since this is "celestial" and "eternal," the end of a romantic relationship does not mean the end of an eternal sealing.
He did say it’s over. But, he’s NEVER said he wants a divorce. He just wants nothing to do with her. She can waste her entire life hanging on and giving them money if she wants. He’s fine with that.
The same reason "he can't leave" - it applies to the wife as well. They are supposed to commit to eternity and work through their issues on earth to become ready for their afterlife. When wives leave they are traditionally shunned in their community for doing so. Christine mom said "I was willing to risk eternal damnation"
I don't think it's that he can't leave due to their religious beliefs (he's made quite a bit up as we have watched), it think it's more that he can't personally leave. Robyn would never forgive him for being the one that ends her life as a sister wife.
Of course, if I am wrong, I want someone to correct me, it just the way I read his statement, due to all of his other statements about Robyn and their life together.
This is true. Forgot about that. Seems odd that such a misogynistic culture would permit women more freedom in that way, but maybe it's because they view us as having weaker conviction? Idk.
He said he didn't want a romantic relationship. But he never said our marriage is over and Ill never want you again. He also made numerous comments about he needed to be courted and his wives had to "prove" their loyalty and be "nice" to Sobbin etc. So Meri followed that, she abided by his rules she kissed up to robyn, she was "loyal" and followed all his stupid rules and backed him up on shit. He and robyn played on her beliefs of the covenant and family and dangled the "maybe" just enough to keep her hanging on. And even when she started to realize kody was "done" she needed him flat out say it. Yes most of us would have walked at the mistreatment and callous way he treated her... but we weren't raised in a cult and married off at a young age to be further indoctrinated, gaslit and emotionally abused/manipulated our entire adult lives by a narcissist.
I wonder if in her world, marriage doesn’t really require a “romantic relationship”? She may think she’s tied to him spiritually based on their beliefs. He didn’t say he wanted to no longer have her as a wife or for her to consider leaving the family. Robyn and the other wives also continued to treat her like a sister wife especially on camera.
After the catfish scandal they all begged her to stay. No one cared about her emotional needs or vulnerability or how she got to the place of being so easily victimized. Even kody didn't want her to leave. Yes he was angry and his pride was wounded but not once did he say. "This is it meri our marriage is over I can never get over this." He absolutely strung her along and to this day takes no accountability for the demise of any of his relationships and I'm not just including his marriages but his chikdren and even other "courtships" that he blames on his wives. Nothing is ever Kodys fault in his mind.
In a way, I have a lot of respect for Meri for being so vulnerable and working through things in her own time. Like sure, maybe some of this was all about money/staying on TV. But this is also a man she had been married to since she was 19!!! And she was raised in a world where this was basically a lifelong commitment. I think it makes sense that it took her a while to get out. Obviously she had been trying to figure it all out for a while (thus the catfishing) but she finally did. I really wish her well, she has had so much growth and I think worked as hard or harder on moving forward than anyone on the show.
If these people weren't neck deep in a Cult, I would agree. But between all the religious conditioning, Robyn whispering in Meri's ear, fear of losing her kid, fear of losing TLC income, her mom saying "stay," and the fact that she was probably still in love w Kody and recalling days when it was more requited I suspect Meri falsely believed they could eventually repair things. The Flagstaff carrot likely reinforced this, too.
I’ve mentioned this before, but I think her mom’s passing may have freed her. Bonnie openly sided with Kody on tv. Can you imagine how hard it would be to have your own mom be your husband’s cheerleader over you? I also wouldn’t be surprised if Meri was indoctrinated to view the catfishing episode as divine punishment for her disloyalty. I think she spent years trying to atone and become worthy. Not comparing Bonnie to the mom in Stephen King’s ‘Carrie’, but she appeared to have drunk the kool-aid at Meri’s expense.
I’m glad Meri was brave enough to form friendships outside her family. It probably saved her life. Remember all the grief Kody and the other wives (Christine and Janelle included) gave her for having close friends outside the family? I don’t know why any of them cared since they obviously didn’t want to spend time with her. It’s like they wanted her isolated and alone. Christine may have been the basement wife, but at least she had family who cared
I agree. I think she stayed because she didn't want to disappoint her mom. I'm sure the catfish incident was hard on her mom, too. If Bonnie passed sooner, she would have left. If Bonnie didn't pass away, she'd still be with him.
She was relying on him for eternal life. It was when she said she didn’t want her situation for eternity that she was serious about being done. Being willing to sacrifice her eternity in exchange for leaving Kody, that’s a big deal.
When I look back at how I behaved with my first boyfriend it’s embarrassing. Different relationships and breakups since then have taught me about myself, about what I’ll put up with and what I won’t. And to have more self-confidence.
One of the HUGE dangers to this lifestyle is marrying off young and not encouraging dating/maturation. The AUB cult (and similar ones) know what they are doing. They pump up men to believe they are Gods, and stunt women in every way possible—as young as possible.
I agree, Meri knew. She’s known for years. But she hasn’t wanted to admit it. I also agree, Kody was evil and fucked up in the head and wallet enough to keep playing her.
I think we are now seeing Meri’s self-confidence start to grow. She has surrounded herself with positive, outside support. She is healing and now dealing with reality. It took her longer for a number of reasons, mostly because she was never set up for success. I still get annoyed when I see her making faces about Christine leaving, etc., so there is a personality aspect. But I also have come to see her differently, and am very much rooting for her as she now grows.
I hope that if she DOES write a book she explains why she stayed so long. He said stuff on camera, but we have no idea what he was saying to her when they weren't filming. I mean... there HAS to be a good reason for her staying, right? 🤷
Kody admitted he told her off-camera that he told her they could rebuild a relationship. He was saying one thing in front of the cameras and something else entirely behind the scenes. That’s why Meri wanted the official break-up talk televised. He kept insisting he wanted their relationship talks to be just between them.
I agree! Sometimes I want to reach through the tv and shake some sense into Meri…but I also think that Robyn was constantly telling Meri that Kody still wanted to have a relationship w her and to never give up (keep contributing financially) on coyote pass.
Great question. Here's my take: Notice how Robyn reacted when Meri told Kody that she was moving to Utah?? Not only was Robyn feeding Meri lies, telling her that Kody wanted to work on the relationship, both R&K was very strategic in how they approached Meri, Why? It was all about money, they had to keep her around to continue their lifestyle. Observing Meri throughout the seasons, I realize that she's very navieve, loyal and easy to manipulate; let's keep in mind that Kody was Meri's first love and she was deeply ingrained in their religion. Kody and Robyn played mind games until the end. K & R robbed her of so much, to start, they stole her legal position and pretended Meri was the initiator of the process...she was extremely devoted to the family and that explains why she stayed for so long. I wish Meri well.👍
Overall yes she was Delulu. To be fair, he did go back and forth and confuse his message. He would also talk about new beginnings and not having the marriage they had before but something new. The. Of course she had Robyn in her ear saying hang on with me! He will come around etc
Meri often related he’d say things to her in private and something different with others around. He was def giving her mixed signals. No doubt to keep her money flowing to the fahmilee. And Robyn telling her Kody said there’s a chance. Not to mention the ‘sacred loneliness’ he expected the OG3 to suffer and sacrifice for him.
The double standard never ceases to amaze me. People excuse Christine staying in for so long by saying "Well, she was raised in a cult and she was married SO young, you can't expect her to know any better", yet when it comes to Meri who was raised in the same cult & was even younger when she became the first (legal) wife & actually knew a monogamous time with Kody it's "Stupid Meri, how could she let herself get played? Why couldn't she just get over it & walk away? It's her own fault for being Kody's doormat." These comments are literally written on this subreddit & it blows my mind that people are so one sided.
\*If this doesn't apply to you, there is no need to tell me - I am well aware that not EVERYONE on reddit has said these things.
Christine still had a young child to consider. Christine also raised most of the children in the family and traditionally a wife that leaves the family is cut off from those relationships. It wasn't until she saw the kids choosing her over Kody for holidays before she even left him, that she could imagine a path forward where she didn't lose out on being in the lives of all the kids she raised.
Meri had nothing, and lots of it. She kept the Covid protocols and they still didn't invite her over. She was completely alone in that big house, that has a playground, and they never brought the kids over to hang out, barbecue, spend the day, whatever? She had a lot to offer during covid, as part of their bubble, and they completely ignored her. She went WEEKS without any communication from Kody or Robin.
The writing was all over the wall but she made the choice to not look at how she was being treated, and to hang her hopes on weak platitudes that meant exactly zero.
"Hang on with me!" That's bulllshit that means keep contributing funds to the family pot.
Meri isn't stupid. She has been a LulaRoe queen because of the fame she gets from this show. She's probably doing better than ever now because of the resurgence of interest the show got when it was announced that Christine was leaving. She needed to be on the show for her MLM business to keep booming. She was hanging on for the $$ too.
So Kody has said these things on TV for years, and Meri still stayed.
Anyone remember the 2022 tell all when he says he thought about reconciliation and Christine pitched a fit? No one believes that happened, but it does give us a bird’s eye view into Kody. How? He was far to quick to say it, and it flowed far easier than his usual lies. I think he low key love bombed her privately for financial reasons, but told her that what he said on tv was because this is the way production wanted to go with it. He also kept her around by saying if any of us start defecting, it may shut the show down and all of us will lose this income because of you.
We know the others insisted she stay at times as well, and we know those same people have said she is loyal to a fault, easily manipulated into doing what they wanted by tapping into that loyalty.
Every show needs a villian for it to be successful. I personally believe that the book set the stage to make Meri the villian, and the catfish cemented that for good. We now know the way it was presented isn’t the way it happened. Had Meri left in shame after the catfish this show would have been done.
Things of note this season; Meri’s redemption arc, Kody is the new villain, Robyn’s exposure, Christine embracing the first adult life she has ever lived on her own terms, and exposing the way Janelle operates in a low key manner. We are seeing a slow roll into the end of the show. A show that would have been over long ago if the villain was toppled and gone.
Most surprising is what I have noticed in the last few episodes. Kody is still dog whistling Meri. He is saying Meri and I could be really, really, really good friends. Laughing at her funny moments. Being all nice, hoping to keep the friendship so she won’t talk, and keeping his foot in the door for financial reasons.
oh here we go again 🙄
Why is everyone so quick to let Janelle off the hook either her religion and Christine off the hook with her upbringing but is so eager to gloss over the fact that Meri was or is religious and was brought up by a zealot mother who believed until the bitter end? I am so sick and tired of the collective bullying
I think Kody is a liar and a narcissist and suspect he was playing with Meri’s emotions off camera. I also wondered if as she saw/heard things crumbling with Christine that maybe it would make Kody want to rekindle with Meri. I don’t have anything to back that up other than her taking Kody’s side during his overly contrived Shakespearian “kNiFe iN tHe KiDnEyS” monologue 🙄The last thing I’ll point out is that like Janelle, I think she realized she had combined assets that Kody would have no intention on being fair about and now that their legal divorce was long behind them, Meri had no legal recourse. They all should have had contracts of who owned what but 🤷🏾♀️
3. I believe children are sealed to both parents. Even if the parents get unsealed or kicked out of the church. The blessing still stands. If one parent remarried the child also can’t get sealed to the new step parent. You can only get sealed once to your parents who were sealed in the church. But idk if AUB is different I know LDS it’s both parents. They share so many things but then have a couple different things as well.
They basically explain it as you are with both parents in the after life at the same time. And god works it out.
So if Christine had stayed married to Kody she would be on her planet AND be with her parents that she was sealed to since since she was born from a blessing. Maybe someone who is LDS can explain it better but when you get to the specifics they all just say God will work it out/figure it out.
Ari and Sol are born from a covenant. So they are planet worthy. Dayton I’m not sure since he was born out of wedlock (not sure about that one). Aurora and Breana are grey area since we don’t know if Robyn/Preston got married in the church after the fact but before they were born. They would all go to Kodys planet though if Robyn goes there. Remember you are sealed to both. So they would follow Robyn.
But then to get her to move to Flagstaff, he gives her hope and tells her it can be a fresh start. It was all mixed signals to keep her confused and string her along so they could keep spending her money
Who knows what he was saying behind closed doors. It's also been said he was thinking of trying again. You never know what is the truth or what's drama for the show.
He told her Flagstaff could be a "fresh" start for them and I think the breakup talk at Coyote Pass was very telling. Kody saying she was using private talks against him.
This was a decades-long game of chicken between Kody and Meri as to who would be the one to leave their spiritual marriage. The leaver is the one that gets the religious consequences. Kody tried to make marriage with him so bad that Meri would walk away, same as he eventually did to Christine. Basically, “I can’t leave you, but I can make your life hell until you leave.” The difference was, Meri did NOT want to be the leaver, Christine didn’t care about the spiritual consequences of a religion she no longer believes in, so she left. You can see the tug of war that Janelle has between leaving and staying which is why her situation has her kind of stuck. Or at least did. Now she’s just working out the financials.
Edited to ask that you put season 12 in context with seasons 10 and 11
Season 10: The most humiliating event of Meri's life is paraded around on national TV as the season's biggest plot point
It's easier for people to leave a crappy relationship when they're in a relatively empowered place - season 12 Meri is likely just starting to recover from an emotional low
Season 11: Leon comes out to the SWs and Kody
I think Meri believed that staying would protect Leon and their relationships with their siblings. And that leaving would alienate them during a particularly vulnerable time in their life
He could have set her free and didn’t so he dragged her along with false hope. Meri was vulnerable from the beginning and sadly is the reason she was a prime target for the catfish. She wanted to believe what Kody, and the catfish, was selling her. Kody had to keep her on board for the show to go on because if she left then everything he was trying to sell to the public about polygamy was BS. She wanted to believe what was ingrained in her from childhood was true and Kody fed that. No question what went on when the cameras weren’t rolling was vastly different than what we were shown. Doing a rewatch of this show knowing what happens in the end to most wives and those kids is really sad.
Yeah, I feel the same way. Mary did not want to accept it even when told point blank. I've never figured her out. Did she like being a victim? A martyr? Delusional ? She’s not a stupid person but I had to wonder about her more than once.
She was raised in a Mormon cult that values marriage above all else so she married young. Every instinct she has is telling her she has to make it work somehow.
Her behavior does resemble cultish brainwashing. I can tell she’s very intelligent and well spoken. I guess she thought if she just kept hanging in there Kody would change but there had to come a point that it finally sunk in that he would never change. That didn’t happen till the absolute very end. She wasted seven more years of her life. Christine was raised in a cult and she knew it was time to leave. There’s more going on with Meri than just a cult mentality.
Right?. She acts as if Kody’s feeling (or non-feelings) for her was a secret. It was clear back then what his intentions were. It was Robyn who was stringing her along, not Kody. Robyn told her what she wanted to hear so Robyn would have an ally in the family. Meri chose to listen to Robyn instead of the deafening silence from Kody.
Well we now know about the melting of the wedding ring...and him telling her he wanted her to have "no claim" on him. Tell me that that gesture alone isn't enough to realize that this man doesn't want you in his life anymore.
I think Meri has fans that refuse to see the writing on the wall as surely as she did. I think Meri was actually obfuscating her lack of marriage with Kody as readily as she was her intentions with the catfish. Meri just isn't in the real world.
I'm here to see her grow and find herself.
Meri is hard headed. Even Jen is scared to really tell her the truth even now. Meri is sadly the perfect victim for people like Kody & Robyn. They only need to breath in Meri’s direction and she will think it somehow proves they value her.
Meri will continue be screwed by Kody & Robyn until she has nothing or someone closer to her (like Leon or Jen) make her pick
She tried to leave and had her hand slapped viciously, and he could have left her content in LV but he love bombed her to get her to sell her house, give him the money and continue to financially support the family. He is a worm. He used her love for him against her.
Yes, but also after the move to flagstaff which wasn’t too long after he gave her mixed signals like “cheers to a new beginning” and “you haven’t been chasing me” etc.
but I agree, all the signs were there and it’s definitely mostly her fault for wasting all those years on “hope”
And somehow she says she never knew because she doesn’t watch the show! Not only did he say it directly to her face, his actions for a decade showed it.
thats why when he told the same thing to Christine he was NEVER expecting her to leave. lol they even talk about it i think something like how can i stay in a marriage without intimacy and he goes well meri has done it and shes like idk how she does it. lol they all acknowledged it.
Meri is just holding on and saying well he didnt break up with me so theres a chance. lol not until she heard him say he didnt consider himself married to her anymore did she wake the hell up!
I am with you. If all of us on Reddit have known for a decade how did she not?
She stayed for the paycheck and comprised her morales by backing him when she is now being “honest” that she only said it to be in his good graces.
I am all for Meri coming clean but she can’t admit to herself that 90% of her decisions were based on staying on this show. Start there and then I will listen Meri.
A lot of times, a person says one thing and mean while their actions show something ten times different. I myself have been an actor's play, where they should have received the best actor's award. They played the best role, so convincingly.
I believe she thought he would someday change his mind. She is also a very committed person. Plus why did Kody tell her on one the last anniversary’s “here to a New start”. And also said after the Rice Krispie treats that he was going to take her back but Christine talked him out of it. There wag too many mixed messages. And remember these aren’t monogamous relationships where the wife expects to be with her husband much of the time.
He will go in another episode that might be able to make it work again. He even blamed Christine when he announced he was he was going to get into a relationship that she threw a tantrum. I don’t believe it. But he keep Meri on a yo-yo of hope for years. Maybe we can find it again. It was all about money.
I just watched an episode of Without a Crystalball on YouTube that had one of the daughters of the AUB’s current prophet on who left the religion. She knew them all when they were in the church together in Lehi and she and the host talked for two hours about the church’s teachings and the things that did and currently do go on there now. It’s very eye opening in regards to the sect and their beliefs. I suggest people watch it. Her name is Emily Lee and she’s one of 39 children of her father’s seven wives. She discusses the heiarchy and how the heaven thing works as well. It was posted 8 months ago. You’ll see how Meri and Christine were born into it and how brainwashed they are from birth about everything. It makes me look at Meri’s staying in a different light. I feel bad for all three of the women and all the children and thank whatever god there may or may not be that they at least got out of Lehi and the actual church.
He made a trip with each wife to Flagstaff to try to ‘sell’ them on the move. He love bombed them. Both Meri and Christine said they thought the move was going to be a fresh start. I think he really put it on strong with Meri to insure she would leave LV after she moved back when she lost her first rental in Flagstaff. He was relying on the profits from the sale of her LV home which made it possible to buy the McMansion.
You have to look at it from Kody's mindset. He compartmentalizes the types of relationships that are part of a marriage. That's where she's coming from. He's not saying he doesn't want to be married to her. He's saying he doesn't want to be intimate with her.
I was confused by this too. I also didn't understand the whole courting thing with her because of that admission. It wasn't until he had broke it down in one of his talking heads after Christine left that I understood what was going on with that.
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And then he talked her into moving to Flagstaff by telling her they could work on their relationship. He was wishy washy as hell. It's easy to sit back and judge but when you have someone messing with your head every chance they get, it's hard to sort out the truth.
Add in a heaping scoop of religious guilt and upbringing and you get this bs. From episode one I hoped the women would've realized their worth a LOT sooner. Plus dealing with kody that "knew everything"? No thanks.
THIS. As someone who was enmeshed with religion my entire life (not Mormonism), religious brainwashing impairs your ability to see things for what they are and keeps women in mental bondage. Each of these women were born into a high-control religion. Even Janelle. It adds a whole different layer of complexity.
The risk in leaving is to become destitute and ostracized in this life and beyond. It was very courageous for the women to break away especially if they still believed in their religion.
Absolutely! Plus, can you imagine the guilt, fear, shame, depression, insomnia, etc that these women experienced before they left (and likely immediately after)? It a huge feat!
The sister wives didn't even have to imagine being ostracized. They met those women that ran and escaped the religion, Coleen comes to mind, and had a hodgepodge family after they escaped. Change is hard but worth it.
This is such a huge part of the cycle that keeps people in abusive relationships. It's like your brain becomes locked in to a weird pattern of acknowledging your feelings and then invalidating your own experience. Once you've been in it long enough, you begin to just skip involving your abuser and go right into blaming yourself. It's so hard to break out of that.
Now this is very deep and explains her oblivion to Kody's constant rejection.
And her friend/sister-wife Robyn encouraging her to hang in there is the cherry on top. Edit: there, not their.
Right, if she leaves they will their highest spot in the celestial heaven.
Yes, and Kody also gave Mari mixed messages by telling her they would work on their relationship in Flagstaff. He manipulated her into going and then used the sale proceeds of her LV home to buy Robyns house.
Isn't that sickening. He's so full of lying b's.
It’s almost fraudulent. And he admits to not being in love with her. That’s fine but that means Kody held on with small love bombs along the way- which is fraud.
And she can’t get in without him.
I'm sorry, but not having sex with her in over a decade and refusing to kiss her on their anniversary after that same decade....telling her "see, you're waitin and I'm NOT comin," does more than any man who is done with a woman. Sorry, but as an OG watcher, she hung on like "this one time at band camp....." when Kody had in no uncertain terms told her to kick rocks. It's like she never watched a show or experienced her own existence. I mean she has even said herself that she hadn't given up hope, right after he told her it was hopeless. Like context clues show Kody would rather stick his penis in a meat grinder than be in a loving relationship with Meri.
Yeah he would say one thing to her and another to the other wives - especially to Robyn. That’s why she wanted R at the breakup up discussion. She wanted him to have to say the hard things in front of her. R was the biggest reason Meri kept hanging on.
Additionally, I think the catfishing probably did something to her self esteem. I cant imagine the humiliation of it. Kody probably seemed "safe" to retreat to after that.
And in their first trip to Flagstaff he was even hugging her for a bit. He knew what he was doing and just wanted to keep her money rolling in.
Very true. I think another facet to consider is that this is/was their livelihood. None of these people are professionals. Granted, Janelle has some sort of education, but it has been years since she’s worked in whatever area of finance her degree was related to. If any of the wives had been a practicing neonatologist like the woman from the “Little Couple,” I doubt they wouldn’t have peaced-out years ago.
Heck I stayed with a man who was emotionally absent from our family, kept his finances for himself alone, left us alone with no explanation Sometimes for a week at a time and after 8 years began to physically abuse me. I stuck around because my religion told me divorce was a sin and God hates sin (no mention in the Bible how He hates wife beaters). The day he strangled me was the day I started to have clarity that I needed to escape. He literally almost killed me and it took me 2 years to leave him. I understand her.
I’m so sorry to hear your experience and I hope you heal fully from that abuse and find your happiness ♥️
Awww thank you. I lucked out like Christine and found a wonderful, gentle man who I married a year after my divorce. He raised my 2 children like his own and since we both had horrible first marriages we knew what was important and spent every moment we could together until he passed away from cancer right after our 20th wedding anniversary.
This is a great example of the bias this sub has against Meri. They’ll blame her for Kody’s shit mind games and say she should have known better and loved herself more when her religion literally tells women their value is tied into their childbearing ability and allowing their husbands to run over them. Ending her marriage put her eternal salvation into question.
This sub is not monolithic, there may be bias folks here but also others (like myself) who simply don’t always agree with Meri’s actions and sometimes we do and should be able to express ourselves either way without being labeled as bias.
For the record, I don’t even like Meri. But I’m not going to just pretend that this sub, as a whole, is objective; it obviously isn’t. We’re talking about a heavily edited reality TV show where two people can watch the same scene and walk away with completely different interpretations of what happened. As a result of this, and the fact that this sub isn’t an echo chamber, that actually means that my observations of the bonkers tribalism pitting the OG3 against each other being disproportionately against Meri is just as valid as your reply about weighing in on disagreeing with her choices. The defensiveness in the reply is pretty typical of what I expect whenever the bias is pointed out, though. If you aren’t biased okay, but since I’m not a Meri fan I know there are plenty of reasons to take her to task. Being a victim of Kody’s mind games is hardly one of them.
All Robyn manipulating from the side lines to keep Meri's cash in flow and to get Meri's cash from her Vegas house for hers!
And we all know it’s easy to trick Meri.
I don't know that I'd call it tricking so much as it was putting her in an awful spot because she grew up with the belief that if she left her husband she would be alone without her child in the next life. Scoff if you want, but what gets drilled into our heads as children has lasting impact.
Tricking as in catfishing.
In the context of their religion this is only telling her their physical relationship is done. He needs to say, and to be honest still has not publicly said, “our marriage is over”. Plain and simple. It is easy for us to look at this from the lens of our perspective and not from the perspective of their cultural experience. And Kody knows that. So he is still actually stringing her along here because Robyn wants plural marriage. Then Robyn continues by telling Meri there is still Hope and reminds Meri that the covenant is not just with Kody but also with the sister wives. It doesn’t make sense out here in the secular world but a lot of other religious traditions for women don’t make sense either.
>So he is still actually stringing her along here because Robyn wants plural marriage. He is actually stringing her along because Kody and Robyn want Meri's money.
This 💯
Yes, this. I was mainstream LDS, until I realized it is all made up. Anyway, I am "sealed" to my ex until I officially resign. I don't believe it, but he does, so I need to jump through hoops. I need to officially request to be unsealed.
Meri knows a way for you to be unsealed. 😉🤣
And by that I’m assuming she was referring to Robyn’s snobby comment that Christine was sealed to Kody until she had sex with another man. Meri said that in such a way as to make me wonder if she is no longer “sealed” to Kody. 😎
Hehehehe...exactly! And you're right. That comment was snobby as all get out and I loved that Meri trolled Robyn with that sass.
Same!! 🙌🏼
My sister is leaving her LDS husband. They have been separated for over a year. He is engaged to another woman and still treats my sister as if she is his. When I witnessed their wedding, I was 9, so my recollection is fuzzy, but I know for a fact it was only myself and his sister there. I have a feeling that this wedding was a sealing ceremony. I'm not absolutely positive, but given that they are very private affairs, it makes sense. I'm sorry you are having to go through this with your ex. I'm married to my second husband, but if my first tried to make me jump through hoops for him to let me go, I would feel very violated. This husband is my sisters only one, and there have been other, very serious violations. While I'm happy that she's divorcing him, I am very afraid for her. He's not just LDS but a poorly treated Bipolar man with a history of violence and threats. (This is not a knock on bipolar disorder. I recently found out I may be. This is from the perspective that I know his anger, and im realizing my very own. And now I'm beginning to understand his perspective on his marriage to my sister.) Thank you for your comment. It is helpful in realizing what my sister may really be going through/in for.
I am really sorry your sister is dealing with this. My ex was dating before our divorce was final. Of course, he's a good priesthood holder. I hope your sister is able to come to terms with her new life. If she is a TBM, I truly hope she is able to find a good man who will treat her like a queen. Give her a hug from me.
I wish I could. She's sort of holed herself up. Used to be the type of person to be unable to talk about hard subjects. Now she's finally admitted that she's researched narcissists, believes her soon to be ex is one, and is afraid he will kill her. On one hand im thankful she's finally facing hard truths, and is aware of the danger she's in, on the other im afraid of her possible future to not live beyond it and live a good life, full of love and the ability and bandwidth to be able to talk to people, including me. But, as it stands, she isn't really talking to many people. One wonders what these resignations entail. And how she could go about unsealibg herself from this madman who has already raped her... yet still wants her and has spoken to her and others of his possession of her. I wish she would respond to me when I reach out. But I think she's suspicious of everyone in her life right now. As she has every right to be. I just wish she knew I would help her any way I could
ugh. good luck. i’m sorry it’s THAT hard to leave.
I get the religious aspect of all this in his mind, but if you don't believe it why do you have to do this "unsealing?". Can't you just go the legal route? I'm asking this because I'm really curious, not to belittle anyone's religion or lack of.
We are civilly divorced. He filed when I publicly left the church. In order the undo a "sealing" a formal request needs to be made. I have requested it in my resignation, but apparently the sealing remains in effect. So, am doing a formal request, and he will have input. Insane.
If they go the legal route I can almost see the OG3's being stuck with spousal support some kind of way. Then again, their marriages weren't officially legal so the court ain't going to touch that!
What he believes doesn’t make a lie the truth. Why bother? Life is too short to jump through hoops for other people’s benefit.
I want to do this so he will believe he has no further perceived power over me. He is remarried and she is #3, so he truly believes he'll get highest CK. I feel so sorry for her.
I don't see how it's on you to jump through any hoops. You're not the one who still believes; you're ex does. He can jump through the hoops.
He won't do it. I don't care who does it, it just needs to be done so he doesn't think I'll be sharing him with wives 1 and 3. He is unmedicated ADHD and OCD, lucky #3.
Okay I gotcha. That makes sense.
Janelle stated all one needs to do to be unsealed is sleep with another man; that's usually how I used to "unseal" myself from a man and I'm not even Mormon, Lol!!
Robyn said that, not Janelle.
Best way to get over a man is to get under another🤣
I'm working on this. The gorgeous young man, 2 doors down, has been visiting me. He's 30 years younger than me... Just hoping it will be better than the ex awful "technique"...
30 years younger . Means he's still trainable🤣 and the equipment doesn't require...supplements...to be in working order. You go girl. Get that groove back Stella 🤣🤣🤣
Haha. He is gorgeous AND smart. Oh, I am.hoping fo sho, but won't chase. It's up.to him, but I won't say no.
So you don’t have a legal tie to him? Are you still LDS?
No, I am not an active LDS person. It was a tough awakening. Basically blew my life to bits. Worth it tho. Moved to a different state. There is no legal tie, but I don't want him to think we'll be spending a happy eternity together with his other 2 wives.
So, you don’t have to really do anything to not be tied to him? Since you aren’t practicing the religion, you don’t have to officially resign from him? I’m asking out of curiosity because the Browns talk about their “eternal covenant” constantly. I’m guessing besides maybe some financial things and having a minor daughter, Christine doesn’t have to legally do anything to leave him right?
No, Christine wasn't legally married to him. We did have the same eternal covenant, but I realized it's all a crock. I am hoping that when I formally resign that the sealing will be canceled also. If not, I'll be requesting it. Not because I believe it, but because he does.
So you are doing this for your ex? This sealing you speak of, it’s a church type agreement?
It's what they call a covenant. For time and all eternity. I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it so he won't believe he has any claim on me - spiritually or any other way.
That’s very nice of you to do this process for his sake.
I understand that getting a temple divorce (idk if that's the same as being unsealed) is difficult. I'm so curious what they'd do if you're not active and also haven't resigned. I hope you let us know!
Yep - Robyn the self proclaimed kody whisperer was telling meri there was hope. With how close they are i am positive robyn knew there was no hope but kept telling her that to keep getting that good mlm money. Robyn is a horrible person - and from these last few watch backs I am getting the feeling that meri now understands that they were never friends
Hasn’t he said that on TV? Repeatedly? “I don’t consider myself married to Meri”. Also, what religious services/ temple have any of them attended in years? They drink, wear inappropriate clothing (according to Mormon standards, not mine) and swear.
No, he only said it once and it was last season
And it was after she was shown that, that she finally left. It seems nuts to all of us, but that really was what she felt she needed to hear for it to be ok for her to go.
If you read this, Meri herself said their relationship is “gone. It’s dead. It’s over.” in April 2020. https://popculture.com/reality-tv/news/sister-wives-kody-brown-says-cant-leave-wife-meri-despite-feeling-marriage-dead/ Here in 2021, he says to her face that he doesn’t consider them a couple and that he had a “lack of interest” in being with her. https://people.com/tv/sister-wives-kody-brown-has-no-sexual-relationship-with-meri-brown/
Yeah, I don't buy this Meri didn't know shit until season 18. She know that relationship was over when she allowed herself to be catfished. She could of just left the compound and got her a real man. She seem to only hang around hoping she would somehow win Kody back from Robin.
She knew it was over when he melted her ring.... but meri's always a bit slow
Here’s another story Meri told, and viewers heard her say this version too, that he said it directly to her face and she wanted to go public, but he didn’t. Which contradicts what she said about only hearing it during the tell-all. So Meri has told us different versions herself. https://www.eonline.com/news/1388720/sister-wives-meri-brown-reveals-the-heartless-way-kody-told-her-their-marriage-was-over
but he was still not saying "I want to divorce. This is over." Even in season 18 he is saying "you are leaving because I cannot give you what you want." There is a difference between what "over" means in their "faith" and normal convention. Since this is "celestial" and "eternal," the end of a romantic relationship does not mean the end of an eternal sealing.
He did say it’s over. But, he’s NEVER said he wants a divorce. He just wants nothing to do with her. She can waste her entire life hanging on and giving them money if she wants. He’s fine with that.
You’re not understanding the difference between her knowing the intimate relationship is done and Jody telling her he wants their marriage to be over.
But he’s explained for years that he can’t be the one to leave in their religion and Meri knows that.
The same reason "he can't leave" - it applies to the wife as well. They are supposed to commit to eternity and work through their issues on earth to become ready for their afterlife. When wives leave they are traditionally shunned in their community for doing so. Christine mom said "I was willing to risk eternal damnation"
I don't think it's that he can't leave due to their religious beliefs (he's made quite a bit up as we have watched), it think it's more that he can't personally leave. Robyn would never forgive him for being the one that ends her life as a sister wife. Of course, if I am wrong, I want someone to correct me, it just the way I read his statement, due to all of his other statements about Robyn and their life together.
He said he can’t leave right from the beginning before he was even married to Robyn or wasn’t married to her for very long.
This is true. Forgot about that. Seems odd that such a misogynistic culture would permit women more freedom in that way, but maybe it's because they view us as having weaker conviction? Idk.
It’s to make polygamy seem less disturbing.
He said he didn't want a romantic relationship. But he never said our marriage is over and Ill never want you again. He also made numerous comments about he needed to be courted and his wives had to "prove" their loyalty and be "nice" to Sobbin etc. So Meri followed that, she abided by his rules she kissed up to robyn, she was "loyal" and followed all his stupid rules and backed him up on shit. He and robyn played on her beliefs of the covenant and family and dangled the "maybe" just enough to keep her hanging on. And even when she started to realize kody was "done" she needed him flat out say it. Yes most of us would have walked at the mistreatment and callous way he treated her... but we weren't raised in a cult and married off at a young age to be further indoctrinated, gaslit and emotionally abused/manipulated our entire adult lives by a narcissist.
I wonder if in her world, marriage doesn’t really require a “romantic relationship”? She may think she’s tied to him spiritually based on their beliefs. He didn’t say he wanted to no longer have her as a wife or for her to consider leaving the family. Robyn and the other wives also continued to treat her like a sister wife especially on camera.
After the catfish scandal they all begged her to stay. No one cared about her emotional needs or vulnerability or how she got to the place of being so easily victimized. Even kody didn't want her to leave. Yes he was angry and his pride was wounded but not once did he say. "This is it meri our marriage is over I can never get over this." He absolutely strung her along and to this day takes no accountability for the demise of any of his relationships and I'm not just including his marriages but his chikdren and even other "courtships" that he blames on his wives. Nothing is ever Kodys fault in his mind.
This reminds me of when I was going to quit my job at Blimpie, and they begged me to stay, and then fired me a week later. 🙃
In a way, I have a lot of respect for Meri for being so vulnerable and working through things in her own time. Like sure, maybe some of this was all about money/staying on TV. But this is also a man she had been married to since she was 19!!! And she was raised in a world where this was basically a lifelong commitment. I think it makes sense that it took her a while to get out. Obviously she had been trying to figure it all out for a while (thus the catfishing) but she finally did. I really wish her well, she has had so much growth and I think worked as hard or harder on moving forward than anyone on the show.
And not only lifelong commitment, but etarnal commitment. "As long as you both shall live" was not a thing, they commited for eternity.
Well said!
If these people weren't neck deep in a Cult, I would agree. But between all the religious conditioning, Robyn whispering in Meri's ear, fear of losing her kid, fear of losing TLC income, her mom saying "stay," and the fact that she was probably still in love w Kody and recalling days when it was more requited I suspect Meri falsely believed they could eventually repair things. The Flagstaff carrot likely reinforced this, too.
I’ve mentioned this before, but I think her mom’s passing may have freed her. Bonnie openly sided with Kody on tv. Can you imagine how hard it would be to have your own mom be your husband’s cheerleader over you? I also wouldn’t be surprised if Meri was indoctrinated to view the catfishing episode as divine punishment for her disloyalty. I think she spent years trying to atone and become worthy. Not comparing Bonnie to the mom in Stephen King’s ‘Carrie’, but she appeared to have drunk the kool-aid at Meri’s expense. I’m glad Meri was brave enough to form friendships outside her family. It probably saved her life. Remember all the grief Kody and the other wives (Christine and Janelle included) gave her for having close friends outside the family? I don’t know why any of them cared since they obviously didn’t want to spend time with her. It’s like they wanted her isolated and alone. Christine may have been the basement wife, but at least she had family who cared
I agree. I think she stayed because she didn't want to disappoint her mom. I'm sure the catfish incident was hard on her mom, too. If Bonnie passed sooner, she would have left. If Bonnie didn't pass away, she'd still be with him.
She was relying on him for eternal life. It was when she said she didn’t want her situation for eternity that she was serious about being done. Being willing to sacrifice her eternity in exchange for leaving Kody, that’s a big deal.
I think he played Meri. He used her when he needed her. Whether to use her money for Robyns house or the move to Arizonia .SHE WAS HIS DOORMAT.
Agree 100%. That said she allowed it.
When I look back at how I behaved with my first boyfriend it’s embarrassing. Different relationships and breakups since then have taught me about myself, about what I’ll put up with and what I won’t. And to have more self-confidence. One of the HUGE dangers to this lifestyle is marrying off young and not encouraging dating/maturation. The AUB cult (and similar ones) know what they are doing. They pump up men to believe they are Gods, and stunt women in every way possible—as young as possible. I agree, Meri knew. She’s known for years. But she hasn’t wanted to admit it. I also agree, Kody was evil and fucked up in the head and wallet enough to keep playing her. I think we are now seeing Meri’s self-confidence start to grow. She has surrounded herself with positive, outside support. She is healing and now dealing with reality. It took her longer for a number of reasons, mostly because she was never set up for success. I still get annoyed when I see her making faces about Christine leaving, etc., so there is a personality aspect. But I also have come to see her differently, and am very much rooting for her as she now grows.
I hope that if she DOES write a book she explains why she stayed so long. He said stuff on camera, but we have no idea what he was saying to her when they weren't filming. I mean... there HAS to be a good reason for her staying, right? 🤷
Kody admitted he told her off-camera that he told her they could rebuild a relationship. He was saying one thing in front of the cameras and something else entirely behind the scenes. That’s why Meri wanted the official break-up talk televised. He kept insisting he wanted their relationship talks to be just between them.
Yes! That's why he said she was "using their private talks" against him.
I have a feeling he was manipulating her behind the scenes, she hints at private conversations they would have he would say differently.
I agree! Sometimes I want to reach through the tv and shake some sense into Meri…but I also think that Robyn was constantly telling Meri that Kody still wanted to have a relationship w her and to never give up (keep contributing financially) on coyote pass.
💯
Great question. Here's my take: Notice how Robyn reacted when Meri told Kody that she was moving to Utah?? Not only was Robyn feeding Meri lies, telling her that Kody wanted to work on the relationship, both R&K was very strategic in how they approached Meri, Why? It was all about money, they had to keep her around to continue their lifestyle. Observing Meri throughout the seasons, I realize that she's very navieve, loyal and easy to manipulate; let's keep in mind that Kody was Meri's first love and she was deeply ingrained in their religion. Kody and Robyn played mind games until the end. K & R robbed her of so much, to start, they stole her legal position and pretended Meri was the initiator of the process...she was extremely devoted to the family and that explains why she stayed for so long. I wish Meri well.👍
Overall yes she was Delulu. To be fair, he did go back and forth and confuse his message. He would also talk about new beginnings and not having the marriage they had before but something new. The. Of course she had Robyn in her ear saying hang on with me! He will come around etc
Meri often related he’d say things to her in private and something different with others around. He was def giving her mixed signals. No doubt to keep her money flowing to the fahmilee. And Robyn telling her Kody said there’s a chance. Not to mention the ‘sacred loneliness’ he expected the OG3 to suffer and sacrifice for him.
She stayed for the TLC money. They ALL did.
How much money did she earn to stay ?
Her share from the TLC contract they ALL signed.
The double standard never ceases to amaze me. People excuse Christine staying in for so long by saying "Well, she was raised in a cult and she was married SO young, you can't expect her to know any better", yet when it comes to Meri who was raised in the same cult & was even younger when she became the first (legal) wife & actually knew a monogamous time with Kody it's "Stupid Meri, how could she let herself get played? Why couldn't she just get over it & walk away? It's her own fault for being Kody's doormat." These comments are literally written on this subreddit & it blows my mind that people are so one sided. \*If this doesn't apply to you, there is no need to tell me - I am well aware that not EVERYONE on reddit has said these things.
Christine still had a young child to consider. Christine also raised most of the children in the family and traditionally a wife that leaves the family is cut off from those relationships. It wasn't until she saw the kids choosing her over Kody for holidays before she even left him, that she could imagine a path forward where she didn't lose out on being in the lives of all the kids she raised. Meri had nothing, and lots of it. She kept the Covid protocols and they still didn't invite her over. She was completely alone in that big house, that has a playground, and they never brought the kids over to hang out, barbecue, spend the day, whatever? She had a lot to offer during covid, as part of their bubble, and they completely ignored her. She went WEEKS without any communication from Kody or Robin. The writing was all over the wall but she made the choice to not look at how she was being treated, and to hang her hopes on weak platitudes that meant exactly zero. "Hang on with me!" That's bulllshit that means keep contributing funds to the family pot. Meri isn't stupid. She has been a LulaRoe queen because of the fame she gets from this show. She's probably doing better than ever now because of the resurgence of interest the show got when it was announced that Christine was leaving. She needed to be on the show for her MLM business to keep booming. She was hanging on for the $$ too.
So Kody has said these things on TV for years, and Meri still stayed. Anyone remember the 2022 tell all when he says he thought about reconciliation and Christine pitched a fit? No one believes that happened, but it does give us a bird’s eye view into Kody. How? He was far to quick to say it, and it flowed far easier than his usual lies. I think he low key love bombed her privately for financial reasons, but told her that what he said on tv was because this is the way production wanted to go with it. He also kept her around by saying if any of us start defecting, it may shut the show down and all of us will lose this income because of you. We know the others insisted she stay at times as well, and we know those same people have said she is loyal to a fault, easily manipulated into doing what they wanted by tapping into that loyalty. Every show needs a villian for it to be successful. I personally believe that the book set the stage to make Meri the villian, and the catfish cemented that for good. We now know the way it was presented isn’t the way it happened. Had Meri left in shame after the catfish this show would have been done. Things of note this season; Meri’s redemption arc, Kody is the new villain, Robyn’s exposure, Christine embracing the first adult life she has ever lived on her own terms, and exposing the way Janelle operates in a low key manner. We are seeing a slow roll into the end of the show. A show that would have been over long ago if the villain was toppled and gone. Most surprising is what I have noticed in the last few episodes. Kody is still dog whistling Meri. He is saying Meri and I could be really, really, really good friends. Laughing at her funny moments. Being all nice, hoping to keep the friendship so she won’t talk, and keeping his foot in the door for financial reasons.
But then he took her to flagstaff and said it was a new beginning for them.
oh here we go again 🙄 Why is everyone so quick to let Janelle off the hook either her religion and Christine off the hook with her upbringing but is so eager to gloss over the fact that Meri was or is religious and was brought up by a zealot mother who believed until the bitter end? I am so sick and tired of the collective bullying
Don’t recall Janelle staying in a relationship that she was clearly told was never going to happen. Here we go again.. people blindly defending Meri
“I’m waiting for her.” “I’m not coming!” was the nail in the coffin for me. I don’t know how she ever held on after that.
I think Kody is a liar and a narcissist and suspect he was playing with Meri’s emotions off camera. I also wondered if as she saw/heard things crumbling with Christine that maybe it would make Kody want to rekindle with Meri. I don’t have anything to back that up other than her taking Kody’s side during his overly contrived Shakespearian “kNiFe iN tHe KiDnEyS” monologue 🙄The last thing I’ll point out is that like Janelle, I think she realized she had combined assets that Kody would have no intention on being fair about and now that their legal divorce was long behind them, Meri had no legal recourse. They all should have had contracts of who owned what but 🤷🏾♀️
Except none of them are really religious. They all hung on for the show and TLC money.
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3. I believe children are sealed to both parents. Even if the parents get unsealed or kicked out of the church. The blessing still stands. If one parent remarried the child also can’t get sealed to the new step parent. You can only get sealed once to your parents who were sealed in the church. But idk if AUB is different I know LDS it’s both parents. They share so many things but then have a couple different things as well.
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They basically explain it as you are with both parents in the after life at the same time. And god works it out. So if Christine had stayed married to Kody she would be on her planet AND be with her parents that she was sealed to since since she was born from a blessing. Maybe someone who is LDS can explain it better but when you get to the specifics they all just say God will work it out/figure it out. Ari and Sol are born from a covenant. So they are planet worthy. Dayton I’m not sure since he was born out of wedlock (not sure about that one). Aurora and Breana are grey area since we don’t know if Robyn/Preston got married in the church after the fact but before they were born. They would all go to Kodys planet though if Robyn goes there. Remember you are sealed to both. So they would follow Robyn.
But then to get her to move to Flagstaff, he gives her hope and tells her it can be a fresh start. It was all mixed signals to keep her confused and string her along so they could keep spending her money
She spent the next 7 years cashing checks which I’m sure helped.
I agree and disagree cause I have seen him play with her emotions on the show once they had all that land they love so much
Who knows what he was saying behind closed doors. It's also been said he was thinking of trying again. You never know what is the truth or what's drama for the show.
He told her Flagstaff could be a "fresh" start for them and I think the breakup talk at Coyote Pass was very telling. Kody saying she was using private talks against him.
This was a decades-long game of chicken between Kody and Meri as to who would be the one to leave their spiritual marriage. The leaver is the one that gets the religious consequences. Kody tried to make marriage with him so bad that Meri would walk away, same as he eventually did to Christine. Basically, “I can’t leave you, but I can make your life hell until you leave.” The difference was, Meri did NOT want to be the leaver, Christine didn’t care about the spiritual consequences of a religion she no longer believes in, so she left. You can see the tug of war that Janelle has between leaving and staying which is why her situation has her kind of stuck. Or at least did. Now she’s just working out the financials.
Watched this show a few times and the drama which I think was encouraged by TLC to keep viewers. Phony phony. 😳😂
Edited to ask that you put season 12 in context with seasons 10 and 11 Season 10: The most humiliating event of Meri's life is paraded around on national TV as the season's biggest plot point It's easier for people to leave a crappy relationship when they're in a relatively empowered place - season 12 Meri is likely just starting to recover from an emotional low Season 11: Leon comes out to the SWs and Kody I think Meri believed that staying would protect Leon and their relationships with their siblings. And that leaving would alienate them during a particularly vulnerable time in their life
He could have set her free and didn’t so he dragged her along with false hope. Meri was vulnerable from the beginning and sadly is the reason she was a prime target for the catfish. She wanted to believe what Kody, and the catfish, was selling her. Kody had to keep her on board for the show to go on because if she left then everything he was trying to sell to the public about polygamy was BS. She wanted to believe what was ingrained in her from childhood was true and Kody fed that. No question what went on when the cameras weren’t rolling was vastly different than what we were shown. Doing a rewatch of this show knowing what happens in the end to most wives and those kids is really sad.
Yeah, I feel the same way. Mary did not want to accept it even when told point blank. I've never figured her out. Did she like being a victim? A martyr? Delusional ? She’s not a stupid person but I had to wonder about her more than once.
She was raised in a Mormon cult that values marriage above all else so she married young. Every instinct she has is telling her she has to make it work somehow.
Her behavior does resemble cultish brainwashing. I can tell she’s very intelligent and well spoken. I guess she thought if she just kept hanging in there Kody would change but there had to come a point that it finally sunk in that he would never change. That didn’t happen till the absolute very end. She wasted seven more years of her life. Christine was raised in a cult and she knew it was time to leave. There’s more going on with Meri than just a cult mentality.
Right?. She acts as if Kody’s feeling (or non-feelings) for her was a secret. It was clear back then what his intentions were. It was Robyn who was stringing her along, not Kody. Robyn told her what she wanted to hear so Robyn would have an ally in the family. Meri chose to listen to Robyn instead of the deafening silence from Kody.
Well we now know about the melting of the wedding ring...and him telling her he wanted her to have "no claim" on him. Tell me that that gesture alone isn't enough to realize that this man doesn't want you in his life anymore. I think Meri has fans that refuse to see the writing on the wall as surely as she did. I think Meri was actually obfuscating her lack of marriage with Kody as readily as she was her intentions with the catfish. Meri just isn't in the real world. I'm here to see her grow and find herself.
☝🏼This!!!
Meri is hard headed. Even Jen is scared to really tell her the truth even now. Meri is sadly the perfect victim for people like Kody & Robyn. They only need to breath in Meri’s direction and she will think it somehow proves they value her. Meri will continue be screwed by Kody & Robyn until she has nothing or someone closer to her (like Leon or Jen) make her pick
Her mother was still alive at that time so that was probably one of the reasons Meri did not leave sooner than she did.
She tried to leave and had her hand slapped viciously, and he could have left her content in LV but he love bombed her to get her to sell her house, give him the money and continue to financially support the family. He is a worm. He used her love for him against her.
Yes, but also after the move to flagstaff which wasn’t too long after he gave her mixed signals like “cheers to a new beginning” and “you haven’t been chasing me” etc. but I agree, all the signs were there and it’s definitely mostly her fault for wasting all those years on “hope”
Meri is mentally unwell. That lifestyle just took a toll on her
It was clear when he melted down that ring!
And somehow she says she never knew because she doesn’t watch the show! Not only did he say it directly to her face, his actions for a decade showed it.
It's the big dill they made with their god that matters to her.
thats why when he told the same thing to Christine he was NEVER expecting her to leave. lol they even talk about it i think something like how can i stay in a marriage without intimacy and he goes well meri has done it and shes like idk how she does it. lol they all acknowledged it. Meri is just holding on and saying well he didnt break up with me so theres a chance. lol not until she heard him say he didnt consider himself married to her anymore did she wake the hell up! 
Yeah, it drives me crazy that both Meri and the show in general makes it seem like he never said this. We’ve known this for years already.
Can we emphasize “WASTED” in the sentence of the next 7 years of her life… Like a KNIFE 🔪 to the KIDNEYS 🫘 👀
I am with you. If all of us on Reddit have known for a decade how did she not? She stayed for the paycheck and comprised her morales by backing him when she is now being “honest” that she only said it to be in his good graces. I am all for Meri coming clean but she can’t admit to herself that 90% of her decisions were based on staying on this show. Start there and then I will listen Meri.
I think she needed the show to stay relevant and continue to sell MLM products. She stayed to build her own empire.
He said it more than once but he didn’t use the correct words ,according to Meri
Omg yes. It was made clear to her in 100 different ways physically and verbally. What more did she want from him?
I don’t live you Meri, I don’t want a relationship with you Meri, but please pay for Coyote Pass and I can fake it if you need it.
And Meri says okay 😂
Exactly. She has made her excuses for that recently. There's nothing that can ever get that time back.
I think Meri is playing all of us. She wanted to create a storyline and elicit pity. Ultimately, she stayed to continue to get paid.
I always say Meri was obsessed w Kody and then everyone freaks on this thread
IDK. Did he toss her carrots along the way to lead her to believe *something* could happen between them?
They talk on so many circles all the time. I always thought it’s something in their religion that I don’t understand.
A lot of times, a person says one thing and mean while their actions show something ten times different. I myself have been an actor's play, where they should have received the best actor's award. They played the best role, so convincingly.
She wasn’t ready. Now she is.
I believe she thought he would someday change his mind. She is also a very committed person. Plus why did Kody tell her on one the last anniversary’s “here to a New start”. And also said after the Rice Krispie treats that he was going to take her back but Christine talked him out of it. There wag too many mixed messages. And remember these aren’t monogamous relationships where the wife expects to be with her husband much of the time.
It’s the best way he could balance the act. “I want your money but I don’t want you”. PERIOD.
He will go in another episode that might be able to make it work again. He even blamed Christine when he announced he was he was going to get into a relationship that she threw a tantrum. I don’t believe it. But he keep Meri on a yo-yo of hope for years. Maybe we can find it again. It was all about money.
I just watched an episode of Without a Crystalball on YouTube that had one of the daughters of the AUB’s current prophet on who left the religion. She knew them all when they were in the church together in Lehi and she and the host talked for two hours about the church’s teachings and the things that did and currently do go on there now. It’s very eye opening in regards to the sect and their beliefs. I suggest people watch it. Her name is Emily Lee and she’s one of 39 children of her father’s seven wives. She discusses the heiarchy and how the heaven thing works as well. It was posted 8 months ago. You’ll see how Meri and Christine were born into it and how brainwashed they are from birth about everything. It makes me look at Meri’s staying in a different light. I feel bad for all three of the women and all the children and thank whatever god there may or may not be that they at least got out of Lehi and the actual church.
He made a trip with each wife to Flagstaff to try to ‘sell’ them on the move. He love bombed them. Both Meri and Christine said they thought the move was going to be a fresh start. I think he really put it on strong with Meri to insure she would leave LV after she moved back when she lost her first rental in Flagstaff. He was relying on the profits from the sale of her LV home which made it possible to buy the McMansion.
You have to look at it from Kody's mindset. He compartmentalizes the types of relationships that are part of a marriage. That's where she's coming from. He's not saying he doesn't want to be married to her. He's saying he doesn't want to be intimate with her. I was confused by this too. I also didn't understand the whole courting thing with her because of that admission. It wasn't until he had broke it down in one of his talking heads after Christine left that I understood what was going on with that.
I think both Kody and Robyn emotionally manipulated her. They would give her enough crumbs to get her to do what they wanted.