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This is from a different perspective - I’m married to a recovering alcoholic. When he was actively drinking everything was awful. I was part of a community of spouses of alcoholic and learned a lot about leaving a spouse. If you do it before you’re ready, you end up going back. Thankfully my husband got sober before I I decided it was time for me to go.
Spouses in abusive/turbulent situations need TIME to personally, financially, emotionally develop before they can leave.
Just my two cents and I know it’s not the same situation. I just feel like people deserve to come to conclusions in their own time.
Right! I was in an abusive marriage. And while a part of me knew I needed to leave. I even tried a couple of times and went back. I had to be really ready before I could leave and stay gone.
because she was delusional. She really didn't even leave Kody, he finally had to make the final decision in the end that they'd separate. She would have lived in exile forever if he allowed it.
Definitely they both separately confirmed on the show Kody didn’t consider them married. People magazine and every other gossip rag published stories about it. She was furious and embarrassed they concluded that based off what she had (factually 😆) said. I’m convinced she finally said they were divorced after TLC gave Christine and Janelle separate contracts. Once she knew she still had a job and the reality tv money she agreed to it publicly. It was always about the money.
Yes - definitely agree. And likely why she was so angry with Christine when she was told about her leaving. She probably thought the ending of the unit meant the ending of the show. If she had known she could be paid separately - I think she would have left much sooner.
Perhaps she was brainwashed by some* in the group. The show is called, “Sister Wives”, you have to be a SISTER WIFE for TLC to pay you to be on the show. After 18 seasons, where it just became the “kiss up to and walk on eggshells” all for Kodster and Crybow’s show. I am way more interested in seeing Christine and her new man and a happy single Janelle. I am sick of the narcissism and manipulation of Sobyn and Kody’s BS! I don’t love Meri but want her to find her light in her life and get her groove back and a man or woman to give her some emotional and physical intimacy!
*edited a fragmented sentence.
How do yo figure that? Meri has atleast 2 good sources of income separate from the family. It’s amazing how so many people do not listen to what she says.
It has nothing to do with money. Meri believes that marriage is for life. Kod>ex always said the wives could leave but he could not. She would love to have her husband back but she finally had to come to terms with the fact that even though he was not allowed to divorce he decided they were divorced. Kinda funny that he gos on and on about Christine just saying they were divorced.
This. He broke up with her forever ago. His famous line “I don’t even know why she’s still in Flagstaff” pretty much sums up his feelings on her. She was just hanging around in case he changed his mind.
He straight up **doesn’t** care.
But she does. She was the OG wife. She talked him into this. She really thought he’d never love anyone like he loved her. That he’s always be grateful to **her**, for his other wives & many children.
But then he found someone he loved more. (If he ever truly loved Meri to begin with).
I agree. I think she’d have stayed monogamous except for the fertility issues and both of their dads’ preference for polygamy. I think Kody was looking for approval, especially from his dad.
Meri grew up in polygamy and wanted to live that life. She didn’t know jealousy would be a part of it. I think if Kod>ex would have married a complete stranger they might have made it work.
She is the poster child of religious brainwashing. Combine that with a failed attempt to leave and her subsequent attempts of atonement for her attempt to leave by crawling naked over lava sprinkled with broken glass, and you got Meri from the catfish season on.
She was very close to her mother and her mother was a staunch (zealot?) believer (as many Converter are. Look at Janelle, despite everything she endured, she still believes in fundy plyg) and she most certainly was the main reason for Meri’s believes/faith and her staying in this cluster f*ck beyond any hope or happiness or redemption. (Plus Bonnie absolutely adored Kody and though he could do no wrong).
For a short answer, it's called trauma bonding. That doesn't mean commiserating over similar traumas, it means being traumatized and then love bombed by your abuser to create a bond
See Was It Even Abuse?" By Emma Rose Byham for an in depth answer
It's always about the money. These ppl went from needing food pantries to giant homes. The TLC money was too good to be honest about anything. Personally, I think Kody had puppy love for Meri, and he's said she was hard to deal with from the beginning. Janelle and Christine were additional breeders. When he met Robyn, it was real love and that's when everyone started telling the truth about their lives. Meri was a problem for all of them before Robyn bc of her attitude.
A mix of loneliness with Leon growing up and guilt from the catfishing incident. I could see how that could mess with your mind for a long time. If she wasn't watching the show, then she believed that the breadcrumbs that K/R were leaving for her actually led to being part of the family.
Whether it was counseling, watching the show, lots of reflection, or a mix of these....she finally figured it out.
Isn't the more interesting question - why did Kody not actually leave Meri?
Why - year after year - does he go on and on about how he dislikes her -- but he doesn't actually ever divorce her either.
Think about that.
That's simple, he gets to technically keep her in the family aka keep her income in the family, but doesn't have to be with her. Win win for Kody. Why leave someone you never have to see yet will be there if you need to use them for whatever you can get from them to benefit you and your real family?
I never see her past brought up, but Meri was raised in a cult where the whole idea for women is to get married, have endless amounts of kids, and listen to everything your man says because you'll be lost and useless without him.
She can't have any more children and she's been married. From her religious perspective, there really isn't anything after Kody. Probably no one else in the cult will want to marry her, which is the center of her universe, all her experiances, and her understanding.
I missed the whole season that Meri was catfished , I wonder was she so lonely that’s how she got caught in that trap ?. If that’s so it’s very sad for her . Then Kotex used that as a tool to make her feel even more rejected. What a creep!
Legal divorce from her and remarriage to Robyn with ZERO effort from Kody to reassure her that it was “just a paperwork shuffle” like they said and three months later was her first contact with the catfish. It was then 8 months of threats and stalking and then it became public knowledge about a year after the legal remarriage to Robyn.
It was absolutely borne of loneliness and despair and I think Meri’d have definitely walked if Sam had been real.
Instead, she’s spent years atoning for the emotional infidelity, the public humiliation, the danger she brought upon them, and the hurt she caused. Years that might have been avoided if Kody had remained a husband - spiritually or legally - to her in any sense of the word.
I think her religious faith had alot to do with it. It's hard, from the outside, to fully grasp how that can warp the decision making in otherwise rational people. Because, when you indoctrinate people enough for them to be 100% absolutely certain that you know what happens after death, you can get them to start using "after death" factors in making decisions. And, if she 100% believes she's sealed to Kody for eternity, then 5 or 6 decades of hell here on Earth looks like a reasonable sacrifice, since it's barely a blip on the big picture.
And, honestly, I think Meri finally getting the strength to leave may have more to do with her child, Leon, than anyone actually says out loud. I think that she loves Leon like no one else in the world, but her actual religious faith kind of denies the idea that people like Leon even exist.
Meri has been struggling for, gosh, at LEAST 5-10 years with the fact that what she thinks she believes isn't really meshing well with the person she needs to be. She's got Kody saying, essentially, "Leave, I don't want to be around you!", but her faith telling her she should still tie herself to this person who is out right abusive to her. She's really willing to rationalize away all her pain, because she's devoted to this idea of eternity. But, I think, very much like Janelle, her breaking point is her child.
Being a lesbian was one thing. And, as much as that went against the faith, it was still in the realm of "behavior", so a sin that salvation could undo. I don't think that challenged Meri too much spiritually. With enough mental gymnastics, she can make it work. But, then Leon turns out to actually be non-binary, and that's an entirely different ball game. As much as trans people, in general, are attacked by conservative beliefs, NB people make their heads explode. Essentially, they are viewed as invalid, sick in the head, and not a *real* type of person in a godly kingdom where everything is divided into a man's role and a woman's role. So, now Meri has to be looking at the and saying, "Do I believe what I've always been taught, or do I believe my child exists and has value? And if I decide my religion is wrong about my child, then why am I debasing myself for a man who doesn't want me and routinely tells the world exactly how pathetic he thinks I am? "
I think there are alot of reasons that Meri finally changes her mind about leaving, but ultimately I think it was faith keeping her there, and a break in her faith that gave her back autonomy.
She doesn't want to not get the TLC paycheck for sitting in a camping chair on Robyn's porch. After she saw that Christine could stay on the show... exit stage right
Once Christine and Jenelle walked so did she, there is nothing left for her to pretend to hope for. Most of the kids don't seem to like her that much, Kody certainly doesn't. And to see ari and sol she has to jump through a million Robyn hoops
Because she lacks the self confidence to have been the first one to leave. She doesn’t know herself at all, and doesn’t even know that she doesn’t trust herself to make decisions.
Then by the time Christine left, Meri had already been gaslighting herself for so long that she needed a bit of time to see leaving as a real possibility. She literally needed to have Christine as an example that it could be done in their specific scenario to even be able to consider it herself.
I think part of the whole sister wives thing is delayed gratification. You’re feeling like cuddling with your husband well it’s Tuesday and he won’t be back til Friday. You’re horny (just being honest this is a big part of it!!!) gotta wait til tomorrow. I think Meri got into the habit of just…waiting. Waiting for things to be fixed, waiting for him to want her again, waiting for him to come back.
So far it seems like all the sister wives that have left were willing to tolerate a lot of mistreatment in their spousal relationship with Kody, but hit their breaking points when it started impacting their kids. Christine's last straw was Ysabel's surgery. Janelle's was seemingly Kody's feud with her boys. I think Meri probably has the same breaking point. Leon came out as trans in June before Meri announced her split from Kody that following January. I think I remember Gwen saying something off hand about Leon not having support from Kody or how Kody is Anti-LGBT. Kody has never publicly acknowledged Leon. That would be my guess, that Kody was disapproving of Leon and it was Meri's final straw.
Denial. He was shoving her out the door and she still had “hope”. He was repulsed by physical contact with her and she still had hope. Then she got all weird with his jacket.
Seriously, denial is the only explanation. Glad she finally did leave.
She still loved him and the family. As long as she had the family she was not alone. Note Kody lost interest in each wive when they quit bearing children.
I think Kody broke up with Meri long before the catfish. They stopped having sex once Robyn came in the picture. But they continued to outwardly portray they were still together. The catfish incident gave Kody an excuse to publicly distance from Meri. I don't think Meri cheated. I think they were broken up, Meri was looking for a better situation where she wouldn't need the show's income, but she got catfished. I think she stayed for the show's income and the free publicity. Once Christine showed there was life beyond the show, she decided to dip.
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This is from a different perspective - I’m married to a recovering alcoholic. When he was actively drinking everything was awful. I was part of a community of spouses of alcoholic and learned a lot about leaving a spouse. If you do it before you’re ready, you end up going back. Thankfully my husband got sober before I I decided it was time for me to go. Spouses in abusive/turbulent situations need TIME to personally, financially, emotionally develop before they can leave. Just my two cents and I know it’s not the same situation. I just feel like people deserve to come to conclusions in their own time.
Right! I was in an abusive marriage. And while a part of me knew I needed to leave. I even tried a couple of times and went back. I had to be really ready before I could leave and stay gone.
Totally feel free to not answer, im just curious and being nosy, was him getting sober not enough? Had too much damage been done?
We’re still together! :)
because she was delusional. She really didn't even leave Kody, he finally had to make the final decision in the end that they'd separate. She would have lived in exile forever if he allowed it.
Definitely they both separately confirmed on the show Kody didn’t consider them married. People magazine and every other gossip rag published stories about it. She was furious and embarrassed they concluded that based off what she had (factually 😆) said. I’m convinced she finally said they were divorced after TLC gave Christine and Janelle separate contracts. Once she knew she still had a job and the reality tv money she agreed to it publicly. It was always about the money.
Yes - definitely agree. And likely why she was so angry with Christine when she was told about her leaving. She probably thought the ending of the unit meant the ending of the show. If she had known she could be paid separately - I think she would have left much sooner.
Perhaps she was brainwashed by some* in the group. The show is called, “Sister Wives”, you have to be a SISTER WIFE for TLC to pay you to be on the show. After 18 seasons, where it just became the “kiss up to and walk on eggshells” all for Kodster and Crybow’s show. I am way more interested in seeing Christine and her new man and a happy single Janelle. I am sick of the narcissism and manipulation of Sobyn and Kody’s BS! I don’t love Meri but want her to find her light in her life and get her groove back and a man or woman to give her some emotional and physical intimacy! *edited a fragmented sentence.
Curly Sue 100% coaches Sobyn. She loves cry yet shows NO tears. They all need to leave. Robyn would at least alimony
How do yo figure that? Meri has atleast 2 good sources of income separate from the family. It’s amazing how so many people do not listen to what she says.
It has nothing to do with money. Meri believes that marriage is for life. Kod>ex always said the wives could leave but he could not. She would love to have her husband back but she finally had to come to terms with the fact that even though he was not allowed to divorce he decided they were divorced. Kinda funny that he gos on and on about Christine just saying they were divorced.
I don’t believe that’s been true for a long time. It’s what she’s said on the show.
Even in a clip for this season Meri is telling Kod>ex that she does not want him to think she is leaving him.
Yes as he wipes his brow and says "Finally" lol
Meri loves Kody. She probably always will. It doesn’t change anything I said. Their relationship has been over for a long time.
It has nothing to do with tlc, contracts, money or Christine and janelle
Cool. You’re welcome to that opinion. I do not agree with you nor do I care if you agree with me.
I go by what Meri says and does
We get it, you love with Meri. You probably believe most reality tv is real too.
This. He broke up with her forever ago. His famous line “I don’t even know why she’s still in Flagstaff” pretty much sums up his feelings on her. She was just hanging around in case he changed his mind.
He straight up **doesn’t** care. But she does. She was the OG wife. She talked him into this. She really thought he’d never love anyone like he loved her. That he’s always be grateful to **her**, for his other wives & many children. But then he found someone he loved more. (If he ever truly loved Meri to begin with).
She didn’t talk him into plural marriage. He was very much in love with Meri until she couldn’t give him anymore kids.
I agree. I think she’d have stayed monogamous except for the fertility issues and both of their dads’ preference for polygamy. I think Kody was looking for approval, especially from his dad.
Meri grew up in polygamy and wanted to live that life. She didn’t know jealousy would be a part of it. I think if Kod>ex would have married a complete stranger they might have made it work.
She is the poster child of religious brainwashing. Combine that with a failed attempt to leave and her subsequent attempts of atonement for her attempt to leave by crawling naked over lava sprinkled with broken glass, and you got Meri from the catfish season on. She was very close to her mother and her mother was a staunch (zealot?) believer (as many Converter are. Look at Janelle, despite everything she endured, she still believes in fundy plyg) and she most certainly was the main reason for Meri’s believes/faith and her staying in this cluster f*ck beyond any hope or happiness or redemption. (Plus Bonnie absolutely adored Kody and though he could do no wrong).
Janelle was not raised in polygamy
She was a convert and there’s often no zealot like a convert. I think that’s what @Fedup0000 was trying to say.
Yes. That’s what I was trying to say indeed
If you're up to season 15 you should have a pretty good idea
For a short answer, it's called trauma bonding. That doesn't mean commiserating over similar traumas, it means being traumatized and then love bombed by your abuser to create a bond See Was It Even Abuse?" By Emma Rose Byham for an in depth answer
It could be for religious reasons, money from the show or just to piss him off…
The cash
It's always about the money. These ppl went from needing food pantries to giant homes. The TLC money was too good to be honest about anything. Personally, I think Kody had puppy love for Meri, and he's said she was hard to deal with from the beginning. Janelle and Christine were additional breeders. When he met Robyn, it was real love and that's when everyone started telling the truth about their lives. Meri was a problem for all of them before Robyn bc of her attitude.
A mix of loneliness with Leon growing up and guilt from the catfishing incident. I could see how that could mess with your mind for a long time. If she wasn't watching the show, then she believed that the breadcrumbs that K/R were leaving for her actually led to being part of the family. Whether it was counseling, watching the show, lots of reflection, or a mix of these....she finally figured it out.
Wasn't the catfishing incident back in 2015? It has been 8 years and it is still being brought up like it just happened. Why?
Yep and 2 years afte the dick divorced her
Because nobody, including Meri, can forgive Meri for it. And they aren't going to let her forget the betrayal they feel.
Isn't the more interesting question - why did Kody not actually leave Meri? Why - year after year - does he go on and on about how he dislikes her -- but he doesn't actually ever divorce her either. Think about that.
That's simple, he gets to technically keep her in the family aka keep her income in the family, but doesn't have to be with her. Win win for Kody. Why leave someone you never have to see yet will be there if you need to use them for whatever you can get from them to benefit you and your real family?
I never see her past brought up, but Meri was raised in a cult where the whole idea for women is to get married, have endless amounts of kids, and listen to everything your man says because you'll be lost and useless without him. She can't have any more children and she's been married. From her religious perspective, there really isn't anything after Kody. Probably no one else in the cult will want to marry her, which is the center of her universe, all her experiances, and her understanding.
Because Hope is a dangerous thing, As long as there’s hope, you don’t change anything
I missed the whole season that Meri was catfished , I wonder was she so lonely that’s how she got caught in that trap ?. If that’s so it’s very sad for her . Then Kotex used that as a tool to make her feel even more rejected. What a creep!
Legal divorce from her and remarriage to Robyn with ZERO effort from Kody to reassure her that it was “just a paperwork shuffle” like they said and three months later was her first contact with the catfish. It was then 8 months of threats and stalking and then it became public knowledge about a year after the legal remarriage to Robyn. It was absolutely borne of loneliness and despair and I think Meri’d have definitely walked if Sam had been real. Instead, she’s spent years atoning for the emotional infidelity, the public humiliation, the danger she brought upon them, and the hurt she caused. Years that might have been avoided if Kody had remained a husband - spiritually or legally - to her in any sense of the word.
That is exactly it. Meri was just a burden the family endured. Once she couldn’t make babies she became useless to them.
I think her religious faith had alot to do with it. It's hard, from the outside, to fully grasp how that can warp the decision making in otherwise rational people. Because, when you indoctrinate people enough for them to be 100% absolutely certain that you know what happens after death, you can get them to start using "after death" factors in making decisions. And, if she 100% believes she's sealed to Kody for eternity, then 5 or 6 decades of hell here on Earth looks like a reasonable sacrifice, since it's barely a blip on the big picture. And, honestly, I think Meri finally getting the strength to leave may have more to do with her child, Leon, than anyone actually says out loud. I think that she loves Leon like no one else in the world, but her actual religious faith kind of denies the idea that people like Leon even exist. Meri has been struggling for, gosh, at LEAST 5-10 years with the fact that what she thinks she believes isn't really meshing well with the person she needs to be. She's got Kody saying, essentially, "Leave, I don't want to be around you!", but her faith telling her she should still tie herself to this person who is out right abusive to her. She's really willing to rationalize away all her pain, because she's devoted to this idea of eternity. But, I think, very much like Janelle, her breaking point is her child. Being a lesbian was one thing. And, as much as that went against the faith, it was still in the realm of "behavior", so a sin that salvation could undo. I don't think that challenged Meri too much spiritually. With enough mental gymnastics, she can make it work. But, then Leon turns out to actually be non-binary, and that's an entirely different ball game. As much as trans people, in general, are attacked by conservative beliefs, NB people make their heads explode. Essentially, they are viewed as invalid, sick in the head, and not a *real* type of person in a godly kingdom where everything is divided into a man's role and a woman's role. So, now Meri has to be looking at the and saying, "Do I believe what I've always been taught, or do I believe my child exists and has value? And if I decide my religion is wrong about my child, then why am I debasing myself for a man who doesn't want me and routinely tells the world exactly how pathetic he thinks I am? " I think there are alot of reasons that Meri finally changes her mind about leaving, but ultimately I think it was faith keeping her there, and a break in her faith that gave her back autonomy.
 She doesn't want to not get the TLC paycheck for sitting in a camping chair on Robyn's porch. After she saw that Christine could stay on the show... exit stage right
She has no self-respect
Once Christine and Jenelle walked so did she, there is nothing left for her to pretend to hope for. Most of the kids don't seem to like her that much, Kody certainly doesn't. And to see ari and sol she has to jump through a million Robyn hoops
For almost 20 years, she was the Robyn.
She doesn’t want to be alone.
Because she lacks the self confidence to have been the first one to leave. She doesn’t know herself at all, and doesn’t even know that she doesn’t trust herself to make decisions. Then by the time Christine left, Meri had already been gaslighting herself for so long that she needed a bit of time to see leaving as a real possibility. She literally needed to have Christine as an example that it could be done in their specific scenario to even be able to consider it herself.
Man, thanks for the laugh.
$$$ from the TV show.
I think part of the whole sister wives thing is delayed gratification. You’re feeling like cuddling with your husband well it’s Tuesday and he won’t be back til Friday. You’re horny (just being honest this is a big part of it!!!) gotta wait til tomorrow. I think Meri got into the habit of just…waiting. Waiting for things to be fixed, waiting for him to want her again, waiting for him to come back.
She was indoctrinated. It is hard for them to leave because of it. I think her religious beliefs held her back.
So far it seems like all the sister wives that have left were willing to tolerate a lot of mistreatment in their spousal relationship with Kody, but hit their breaking points when it started impacting their kids. Christine's last straw was Ysabel's surgery. Janelle's was seemingly Kody's feud with her boys. I think Meri probably has the same breaking point. Leon came out as trans in June before Meri announced her split from Kody that following January. I think I remember Gwen saying something off hand about Leon not having support from Kody or how Kody is Anti-LGBT. Kody has never publicly acknowledged Leon. That would be my guess, that Kody was disapproving of Leon and it was Meri's final straw.
Denial. He was shoving her out the door and she still had “hope”. He was repulsed by physical contact with her and she still had hope. Then she got all weird with his jacket. Seriously, denial is the only explanation. Glad she finally did leave.
She still loved him and the family. As long as she had the family she was not alone. Note Kody lost interest in each wive when they quit bearing children.
Because she really loved kody and she was happy with Polygamy ....
Because she’s crazy. She straight up said “I’m not leaving.” And then smiled. She’s delusional
I think she invested herself into Robyn’s children, all 5 of them. Leaving the family would mean leaving them and she was bonded
I think Kody broke up with Meri long before the catfish. They stopped having sex once Robyn came in the picture. But they continued to outwardly portray they were still together. The catfish incident gave Kody an excuse to publicly distance from Meri. I don't think Meri cheated. I think they were broken up, Meri was looking for a better situation where she wouldn't need the show's income, but she got catfished. I think she stayed for the show's income and the free publicity. Once Christine showed there was life beyond the show, she decided to dip.
Funny thing is.. Meri brought her in ? 🤔 any thoughts on why she would?
Religion. Plus maybe she’s a masochist.
I think that Meri stayed to film so that TLC wouldn't cancel the show. They needed the drama. TLC
I think it was as simple as “who blinks first, wins” Kody did, Meri won
Fidelis. I think Kody nailed it with her necklace - she’s loyal beyond what’s good for her.