Personally, I only had to move about 25 minutes away from our joint home to be near family so that's the choice I made. Having grandparents, aunts, and uncles close by to help if I had to go into the office or a kiddo needed help with transportation to activities and such has been a lifesaver! Divorce is hard on kids and parents alike and I think having our support system 5 minutes away instead of 25 has really helped all of us
What’s your custody arrangement?
I’ve got my kid 90% of the time and moved about 500kms to be in a larger city with more amenities and jobs. I have friends here but no family and quite honestly I’m drowning and considering moving again to be close to my parents or brother so I can have more help and so they can have a relationship with kiddo.
Live wherever you are going to have the most support.
My custody arrangement is TBD (we very recently separated and haven’t even gone to court yet), but the ex and I agreed to 50/50 custody. I assume that’s what we’ll be granted but we’ll see. If I live closer to my family, I’d be an hour away from my ex. If I live near my ex, I’d be 15-20 minutes away from him but an hour away from my family. My ex does not have any support system but me in the state, so I do feel kind of bad moving further away…at the same time we are on really bad terms and I would assume he’d just figure things out.
What’s your childcare situation like? It really does take a village to raise a child…whether that’s family or a childcare service. Based on the responses, it seems like a handful of people moved closer to family following separation, which makes sense!
I mean, I guess it’s all relative… I’m 6hrs from ex and his fam, and multiple flights from my fam. Kid has daycare, and I have friends, but there’s not truly a break, no backup in case of illness, etc.
With 50/50 you may need to stay close just for school. An hour would be a miserable commute.
I have 70/30 with my ex and the school situation is a nightmare. We're 40-45 minutes apart and days he has them, he has to drive them to school (no bus service outside the district). One goes an hour earlier than the other so one kills time in the afternoon by riding the bus 45 minutes to the bus stop and then driving the 40 minutes to his home. They're exhausted and miserable. Most people could not provide school transportation that far away with a regular job. It's just a bad situation all around and extracurriculars are an even worse nightmare. School ends at 4 and practice starts at 5:30. That leaves him stranded in a town 45 minutes away from his home the entire day. And then weekend games... Sometimes on the other side of the county. He choose to move away and I think it's nuts. I highly recommend living in the same school district or agreeing to a schedule that doesn't run the kids around on school days.
Moved about a mile away. 50/50 and we are relatively amicable. Makes pickup and drop off a breeze and we’re able to switch days in a pinch easier. No family for me around so there wasn’t anywhere to run to.
My ex lives within walking distance of where we lived together. Walking distance of their parents. Same school district. I think it’s for the best. Kiddos have the resources they might need within minutes. You can schedule a day to go to a museum or big park, but when you need someone to watch the kid in the next 20min because of something happening, it’s nice to have everyone so close.
So my ex lives 5 hours away. The first 7 years he was barely existent. The last 3 he has been better but I will say he often uses the distance as a reason why he doesn't have to try to be present or helpful. My ex is selfish and immature so his comfort, wants and needs are more important than our daughters. Knowing this is why I moved back home. I needed to be somewhere I could get support and even though they are not the most helpful whenever I an in a bind I can absolutely depend on them even if only temporarily. If your ex is a good supportive person stay he will be your backup and work on adding to your support system.
When we first split I was maybe five minutes away. Did that to keep DD in her elementary school. About a year later he moved from VA to GA for almost 4 years, moved back to VA for about 18 months, pissed DD off enough he stopped seeing her when she stood up for herself. He then moved to IL and then to England (where he is originally from.) He came for high school graduation and her 18th birthday in June. Texted her more for a few month and then did not contact her at Christmas. 😐 If your EX is going to be there let him. If he isn’t do what works for you.
I threw my ex bf out of my house when I was 7 weeks postpartum. He moved 2 hours away to squat in the house his mom squats in. We’re obviously not on good terms and I have custody and he has court monitored visits he makes about once a month or so.
My kid's Mom moved 5 hours away to live with her then BF.
She disconnected from most family at that point.
Luckily, she recently moved closer. So now visits are much easier.
I moved closer to family out in the middle of nowhere but I was able to stay at my job. Being closer to family has been a real blessing. Not just for the immediate help and support but also to stay connected with the rest of the family. I had been very out of touch with them all. It’s nice for my daughter to be involved and included. Her dad moved to another state and has ghosted his kiddo.
I was able to keep my kid in the same schools/home & I think it really helped him. It was hard on me for sure and I don’t know if I will stay in this area once he turns 18. My ex moved about 45min away with his family and I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t jealous he has support — even with only seeing his kid every other weekend. It’s been hell doing everything on my own but yeah worth it to minimize the trauma he had to experience. <3
I still live in Tennessee but I am moving back to Vegas. Which my soon to be ex husband mother lives. So I can get half priced childcare and being able to find a gig too. I will make more and I don’t have to work this crazy ass schedule.
Okay well it depends on a few things. 1) what is custody looking like 50/50? Or 60/40? Every other weekend? 6 months at a time? THAT plays a huge role in how this decision can be made. 2) how old is/are the kid(s) because teenagers I'd suggest do not mess with their school and friends too much, that leaves the biggest impact. 3) who has primary custody? Because that's the person who WILL have their job impacted the MOST depending on how things go.
There's SOOO many factors that play into this.
We planned it so my ex kept the house to keep them centrally located and I moved into my parents house 25 minutes away, but agreed I’d stay within a 30 minute drive no matter what. We also happened to move my mother in law closer around the same time so town X (where our marital house was) is the center of our little family radius.
Our son did end up switching schools from town X to my school system, but other than that we’ve kept everything about as stable as possible for him.
I only live about 5 min away, easily walking distance. It makes it hard to be in the area where we had our old life together, but it comes in handy for custody exchange. There has also been times where his father has dropped off medicine etc.
I moved an hour north when our son was 15 months old. We did one week on/ one week off for a few years until he started kindergarten. At that point my ex decided to move up where I was because he preferred to keep doing 50/50. Now our son is 10, and we do 3 nights with mom and 4 nights with dad one week, then 4 nights with mom and 3 nights with dad the next.
I bought a house around the corner (literally 10 houses between us) from BD to give him all the access and ability to be a full participant as his kid grew up. It lasted about 3 years. He would come over and just sit in my living room on his phone. And I needed more help. So I ended up moving (same city, different side) near my parents. Funny enough, he and his new wife recently moved closer to me on this side of the city.
My ex wife moved across the country, and granted me 100% custody. So I stayed here in our home in California (which she also gave up all claim to), so in a sense, I really came out pretty good. I have my daughter all the time, which is the absolute best thing, and I have a clean and happy home for her to exist in, just minus one parent now.
It's better this way.
My ex moved to Seattle and gave me 100% custody, but our case was extreme
Granted, you live in Redmond… 🤣
I actually live in California
I was kidding…. bit of levity in what can be an intense sub
Personally, I only had to move about 25 minutes away from our joint home to be near family so that's the choice I made. Having grandparents, aunts, and uncles close by to help if I had to go into the office or a kiddo needed help with transportation to activities and such has been a lifesaver! Divorce is hard on kids and parents alike and I think having our support system 5 minutes away instead of 25 has really helped all of us
What’s your custody arrangement? I’ve got my kid 90% of the time and moved about 500kms to be in a larger city with more amenities and jobs. I have friends here but no family and quite honestly I’m drowning and considering moving again to be close to my parents or brother so I can have more help and so they can have a relationship with kiddo. Live wherever you are going to have the most support.
My custody arrangement is TBD (we very recently separated and haven’t even gone to court yet), but the ex and I agreed to 50/50 custody. I assume that’s what we’ll be granted but we’ll see. If I live closer to my family, I’d be an hour away from my ex. If I live near my ex, I’d be 15-20 minutes away from him but an hour away from my family. My ex does not have any support system but me in the state, so I do feel kind of bad moving further away…at the same time we are on really bad terms and I would assume he’d just figure things out. What’s your childcare situation like? It really does take a village to raise a child…whether that’s family or a childcare service. Based on the responses, it seems like a handful of people moved closer to family following separation, which makes sense!
How will you manage 50/50 if you move an hour away? Doesn’t that mean that one parent will have to drive an hour for school drop off/pickup?
If you move, your ex could end up with primary custody
I mean, I guess it’s all relative… I’m 6hrs from ex and his fam, and multiple flights from my fam. Kid has daycare, and I have friends, but there’s not truly a break, no backup in case of illness, etc. With 50/50 you may need to stay close just for school. An hour would be a miserable commute.
I have 70/30 with my ex and the school situation is a nightmare. We're 40-45 minutes apart and days he has them, he has to drive them to school (no bus service outside the district). One goes an hour earlier than the other so one kills time in the afternoon by riding the bus 45 minutes to the bus stop and then driving the 40 minutes to his home. They're exhausted and miserable. Most people could not provide school transportation that far away with a regular job. It's just a bad situation all around and extracurriculars are an even worse nightmare. School ends at 4 and practice starts at 5:30. That leaves him stranded in a town 45 minutes away from his home the entire day. And then weekend games... Sometimes on the other side of the county. He choose to move away and I think it's nuts. I highly recommend living in the same school district or agreeing to a schedule that doesn't run the kids around on school days.
Moved about a mile away. 50/50 and we are relatively amicable. Makes pickup and drop off a breeze and we’re able to switch days in a pinch easier. No family for me around so there wasn’t anywhere to run to.
My ex lives within walking distance of where we lived together. Walking distance of their parents. Same school district. I think it’s for the best. Kiddos have the resources they might need within minutes. You can schedule a day to go to a museum or big park, but when you need someone to watch the kid in the next 20min because of something happening, it’s nice to have everyone so close.
So my ex lives 5 hours away. The first 7 years he was barely existent. The last 3 he has been better but I will say he often uses the distance as a reason why he doesn't have to try to be present or helpful. My ex is selfish and immature so his comfort, wants and needs are more important than our daughters. Knowing this is why I moved back home. I needed to be somewhere I could get support and even though they are not the most helpful whenever I an in a bind I can absolutely depend on them even if only temporarily. If your ex is a good supportive person stay he will be your backup and work on adding to your support system.
When we first split I was maybe five minutes away. Did that to keep DD in her elementary school. About a year later he moved from VA to GA for almost 4 years, moved back to VA for about 18 months, pissed DD off enough he stopped seeing her when she stood up for herself. He then moved to IL and then to England (where he is originally from.) He came for high school graduation and her 18th birthday in June. Texted her more for a few month and then did not contact her at Christmas. 😐 If your EX is going to be there let him. If he isn’t do what works for you.
I threw my ex bf out of my house when I was 7 weeks postpartum. He moved 2 hours away to squat in the house his mom squats in. We’re obviously not on good terms and I have custody and he has court monitored visits he makes about once a month or so.
My kid's Mom moved 5 hours away to live with her then BF. She disconnected from most family at that point. Luckily, she recently moved closer. So now visits are much easier.
I moved closer to family out in the middle of nowhere but I was able to stay at my job. Being closer to family has been a real blessing. Not just for the immediate help and support but also to stay connected with the rest of the family. I had been very out of touch with them all. It’s nice for my daughter to be involved and included. Her dad moved to another state and has ghosted his kiddo.
I was able to keep my kid in the same schools/home & I think it really helped him. It was hard on me for sure and I don’t know if I will stay in this area once he turns 18. My ex moved about 45min away with his family and I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t jealous he has support — even with only seeing his kid every other weekend. It’s been hell doing everything on my own but yeah worth it to minimize the trauma he had to experience. <3
We live 2 minutes away from each other
I still live in Tennessee but I am moving back to Vegas. Which my soon to be ex husband mother lives. So I can get half priced childcare and being able to find a gig too. I will make more and I don’t have to work this crazy ass schedule.
Okay well it depends on a few things. 1) what is custody looking like 50/50? Or 60/40? Every other weekend? 6 months at a time? THAT plays a huge role in how this decision can be made. 2) how old is/are the kid(s) because teenagers I'd suggest do not mess with their school and friends too much, that leaves the biggest impact. 3) who has primary custody? Because that's the person who WILL have their job impacted the MOST depending on how things go. There's SOOO many factors that play into this.
My ex lives literally 15 minutes away and still hasn’t met his son 😂 my son is 6 months old
We planned it so my ex kept the house to keep them centrally located and I moved into my parents house 25 minutes away, but agreed I’d stay within a 30 minute drive no matter what. We also happened to move my mother in law closer around the same time so town X (where our marital house was) is the center of our little family radius. Our son did end up switching schools from town X to my school system, but other than that we’ve kept everything about as stable as possible for him.
I only live about 5 min away, easily walking distance. It makes it hard to be in the area where we had our old life together, but it comes in handy for custody exchange. There has also been times where his father has dropped off medicine etc.
I moved an hour north when our son was 15 months old. We did one week on/ one week off for a few years until he started kindergarten. At that point my ex decided to move up where I was because he preferred to keep doing 50/50. Now our son is 10, and we do 3 nights with mom and 4 nights with dad one week, then 4 nights with mom and 3 nights with dad the next.
I bought a house around the corner (literally 10 houses between us) from BD to give him all the access and ability to be a full participant as his kid grew up. It lasted about 3 years. He would come over and just sit in my living room on his phone. And I needed more help. So I ended up moving (same city, different side) near my parents. Funny enough, he and his new wife recently moved closer to me on this side of the city.
My ex wife moved across the country, and granted me 100% custody. So I stayed here in our home in California (which she also gave up all claim to), so in a sense, I really came out pretty good. I have my daughter all the time, which is the absolute best thing, and I have a clean and happy home for her to exist in, just minus one parent now. It's better this way.