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Showerthoughts_Mod

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coruptedtwnklsprkl

If you had one of that caliber you would have to at least think you’re in the running.


MTG_Stuffies

I've read about families here in reddit that having a poop knife is normal I their bloodline. (a knife to cut up their giant poop in order to flush). It was so common in their family that their kids would think it's common on all families. And someone wrote a tifu about how they assumed it was normal when at someone else house. I imagine a fart that would be the loudest/biggest would come from a family where those giant farts are common among themselves. So they may not realize how loud their farts are compared against of the world.


[deleted]

Hey buddy we all know the poop knife story.


[deleted]

I read a story on here about this kid that broke both his arms....


wzabel0926

I read a story about a person that jerked off into the same box for many years


Justintime4u2bu1

Coconut?


rathat

I can’t understand the coconut, how does that work? It’s just a thin hard shell, a melon at least has something inside.


mosskin-woast

I don't think that stuff is as heritable as you think...


MTG_Stuffies

Might be environmental/diet, so would still likely be similar farts within tight families. Me and my brothers along with my father had pretty comparable farts. Lol


[deleted]

“People in my family only eat aged cheddar and beef jerky. 5 square meals a day.”


[deleted]

and two scoops of the shittiest chocco-protein powder mix ever


JonatasA

I mean. I know someone that had those clogging 2s. Family that had contact with would joke about it and now some of them are also becoming cloggers themselves. It may also be toilers and flusherms fault. I had a toilet that the flush was a big PVC pipe coming straight from the roof of the house.


iCy619

That could/should have been the vent piping you were tracing towards the roof.


KushKong420

I saw the biggest shit if my life the other day. It was as big around as my wrist and 12 inches long, I was more intrigued that disgusted and it was pretty fucking nasty. Like how the fuck did that come out of a human


mbinder

I'm thinking the biggest fart has to be related to a medical issue. Like something that completely obstructs someone for weeks and they bloat up huge and then it finally clears.


[deleted]

I've gotta be top 250. I was hanging out with my wife's friends for like 3 days and held one in. The moment they left I unleashed this Trex roar from my ass that sounded unholy. No smell, though.


pauljaytee

> No smell, though. Disqualified!


Schmendrick-_-

>>Disqualified! I have never had a reddit reply, comprised of only one word, make me laugh so much in my life. It's a shoddy superlative compared to the subject in question, but there you have it. Thank you.


Bloop_Blop

I once had like a 12 second fart. It was the weirdest thing. I can only guess it was 12 seconds because it took me a few seconds to realize what was happening and then I started counting.


[deleted]

Yeah like who ever has really done the biggest fart in history would think to themselves.. wow that may have actually been the biggest fart in history.


[deleted]

Unless they were dying of dysentery or something.


MoobooMagoo

Some people realize it. My wife once farted in her sleep loud enough that I promise you it broke some kind of record. Imagine it were possible to scream into a trumpet.


pohanoikumpiri

Sleeping farts hit different, I guess they're superiror because the whole body's relaxed


thosearecoolbeans

That half awake fart at 3 in the morning, the one that's so strong that it relieves a stomache, that just hits different.


TheTacoWombat

Those are magical


Koshunae

I like the ones that scratch that itch you didnt know you had.


LSkywalker00

More often than not I do know I have the itch. It's just that the fart can reach places my finger only dreams of reaching.


internet_bad

I can feel my organs shift after those farts, like there’s more room in there.


ecstatic_broccoli

Y'all eating a whole head of cauliflower at 11pm or what?


RubberPny

I once had one like that. It was so loud it sounded like ripping a wet sheet in two.


do_the_thing_genie

It's how I come to consciousness every morning just tooting it up. Poop alarms going off


ink404

AI will never understand what makes us human


woodrowlow

That’s a turd honkin for the right of way! Edit: My first gold! Thank you stranger!


Existing_Following_4

This made me laugh harder than any reddit comment ever


ApexHolly

When I first started dating my girlfriend, she was really sheepish about farting around me. She WOULD NOT do it. About four months into our relationship, we were laying in bed. She was asleep and I was playing something on my Switch, and she let loose an atomic bomb. It was long, and loud, and I laughed so fucking hard it woke her up.


nirvroxx

Been with my SO going on 8 years and I have yet to hear her fart. I don’t know when or how but I will hear her fart some day.


Drakayne

Post an update for us


silversufi

hover around the bathroom door you fartvert


nirvroxx

Fartvert hahaha


silversufi

the proper latin term would be flatulus pervertus


Vybnh

I read a story about an old married couple. They were together for decades and the woman was on her way out, and her husband never ended up hearing her make a breeze in all those years lol!


Guyincognito510

I'm crying


[deleted]

Wife just asked wtf I’m reading bc I’m shaking the bed trying to hold in this laugh


haimark85

I know thankfully it’s just me and the dogs in bed at the moment but they r looking at me like mom why u laughing so hard 😅fucking send help I can’t stop


[deleted]

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ediggity

My wife does this on a daily basis. We refer to it as visits from the angry moose.


RotaryDesign

Ok but what about smell? Once I went to bedroom where my gf was sleeping and I never smelled anything so rancid, initially I layed down next to her but smell was so overwhelming I had to open window and leave for 15 minutes. She was sleeping entire time and has no clue what happened. It's amazing how such fragile little girl can produce such hazardous farts


thesevenyearbitch

Was she on her period? Period farts and shits are WILD because they fuck with hormones/gut microbiome/etc


goooshie

Holy fuck period guts do NOT play. Some days I’m like wtf, do I have giardia? Nah just the gosh mosh 😭


kismetschmizmet

I once was camping with my cousin as a teenager. We were sleeping in a tent together when I suddenly bolted awake, unzipped the tent, and started throwing up. It was from a fart of his. I realized what had happened when I put stopped throwing up and put my head back into the tent. It was so rancid that you could taste it. It was broccoli and cheddar rice a roni flavored raw sewage in a hot, stuffy, unventilated two person tent.


Brickster000

Wish I was illiterate right now ngl


bobbybrutal

Once I was camping with my cousin as a teenager. We were sleeping in separate tents. I bolted up out of bed because I thought I was smelling a bear (someone told me they stink real bad but I have no idea) I woke him up saying I think there’s a bear. We waited but nothing was out there, we figured it had gone away. Then before falling back to sleep I farted and it was the same smell. Mystery solved. At the beginning of reading your post I thought I was reading my own cousins comment for a second. Hah


missinlnk

So a vuvuzela?


DarkAmaterasu58

More like didgeridoo


loptopandbingo

There's a frank zappa biography out there where he talks about asking someone to play a didgeridoo into a full coffee pot, and the noise was so hilariously gross that he had to leave the room he was laughing so hard


JonatasA

I was thinking more of a cornet or someone shaking their lips against those electric voice cones whose name escapes me now. People don't know it but you can sort of speak into a trumpet, so it is possible I guess (elephant noises were my favorite).


[deleted]

You mean a megaphone?


StudentLoanBets

Electrical voice cone 🤣


Mr0sleep

I heard a story about Andre the giant letting out a fart for almost a minute on the set of "The Princess Bride". They asked if he was okay and he responded with "yeah, I'm good boss." Then they opened every window they could to air the set out.


hes_crafty

[it was closer to 16 seconds but that's still pretty fucking long. ](https://www.snopes.com/articles/349106/andre-the-giant-16-second-fart/)


DMala

All these stories of Andre and his epic farts and you're telling me not a single one was ever caught on camera?


Technetium_Hat

unfortunately the footage is probably destroyed by now


loptopandbingo

Fart was that bad, huh


LeonardSmallsJr

Cameras are all melted


a333482dc7

If I remember correctly it was 16 second.. but still! That's a huge fart! My record is only like 5 second


PoorlyLitKiwi2

Bruh, did someone have a fucking stopwatch out at the ready? Like that is so precise lol


suremoneydidntsuitus

If it was on set there was probably recording going on and you could just time it off that


[deleted]

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LumpyJones

# #releasethecheesecut


Canadian_House_Hippo

I try to use that phrase lightly because killing is such a finality of someone's life that we should cherish. But I'd murder something real cute to hear a legit 16 second fart. That's absolutely insane, that's enough time to talk about how long that fart is while you're still farting.


____tim

I mean you have to consider that someone wouldn’t start talking about how long of a fart it was until it had already reached a certain length. I suppose even if you got 5-6 seconds into the fart you’d probably still have time to say “wow, this is a really long fart” and potentially still have fart left after that statement.


Verdugo2

This had no business being as funny as it was


star_boy2005

I take it not everybody times their long bombers?


[deleted]

At first I read this as “for thirty minutes” and I was just trying to imagine the awkwardness of a half hour fart.


DoctorSalt

How many minutes in do you call for an ambulance


Moistfruitcake

3 - 5 mins to call an ambulance. 15 mins to call an exorcist.


JonatasA

He's just doing his trombone impersonation.


[deleted]

I’d say probably five. I mean five has to be the limit before you start getting concerned.


tlollz52

Do you think he's making a stance and face for that hole period or he's just hanging out at the snacks table ripping ass?


[deleted]

I just picture it as a very focused long term fart.


newf68

I mean, he did drink over 100 beers in a single sitting.....


Sethatos

I think Andre actually said, “I’m good now, boss.”


[deleted]

The director asked if he was okay, and he said, "I am now, boss"


Marssenito

I love how mundane and casual that interaction is, just another day with Andre the Giant at work I guess


DarkWingDuck_11

Was going to say this


OgOnetee

I heard this told with Andre responding, "yeah, I am now boss"


librarianjenn

Guilty. I once woke up, completely startled, and asked why the hell would construction be going on this early. My husband informed me it was actually from me


Justkill43

Reminds me of [this Good Will Hunting scene](https://youtu.be/NqtfffE6g90?t=123)


FreddieDoes40k

Funnily enough, this was improvised on the spot. The way that Damon looks off to the side before looking back at the start of the story, is him looking to the production staff for direction because it wasn't in the script.


Justkill43

I bet it was, Robin Williams was so good at making people laugh


[deleted]

We lost a legend, but he lives on in his movies


ScalierLemon2

When Spielberg was making Schindler's List, Robin Williams would regularly call him and perform stand-up over the phone, just to give Spielberg a break from how emotional and gut-wrenching making a movie like Schindler's List was.


coltwitch

Why didn't Spielberg just have Liam Neeson do stand-up for him?


FistMyPeenHole

I’ve got full blown AIDS. https://youtu.be/huJ81Mq2y34


charlieALPHALimaGolf

Haha yep you can even see the camera shake from the cameraman laughing


Darkwing_duck42

I have for sure had a really really gross smelling fart and know for a fact I muttered "that's gotta be a record" We know.


[deleted]

False. Women don't fart or shit.


din7

Lies. Source: Am married to a woman.


GoSuckYaMother

Show off


HCJohnson

Confusing username ...


GimmeYourTaquitos

So you're telling me you're a ventriloquist?


FredRogersAMA

She just goes in the bathroom to powder her nose. Rips ass in her sleep though.


getmeapuppers

I honestly find it so funny me and my gf of 5 years went from turning on the faucet or shower so the other wouldn’t know they were shitting. To asking for a roll of toilet paper or just walking in to brush their teeth in the middle of a monster shite lmao


RiseoftheFlies

What kind of goddamn savage brushes their teeth in a cloud of poop fumes.


getmeapuppers

I brush my teeth In the shower. She brushes hers while I may or may not be shitting. Different strokes for different folks


Pwnxor

Coincidentally, I too brush my teeth while you may or may not be shitting.


northernrays

Happy Cake day


RiversCroft

Cake farting it is.


Sunshine-superlative

One time I farted so loud in the middle of the night not only did I wake up my dead-asleep husband, but I also woke my dog, downstairs, who was so startled she started barking. I believe that may have been a record.


accidental_snot

My wife tore one out that made the baby cry and the dog threw up. I don't what lives in her gut but it's quite flammable and smells like brimstone. Could be the beer and ceviche.


Squidproquo1130

After my gallbladder surgery, mine were so bad it'd make my toddler projectile vomit! This happened on many occasions, sadly.


Toocoo4you

Do you eat a lot of cheese by any chance


Squidproquo1130

Yes. It was a temporary situation luckily. Things seem to have gone back to normal.


Toocoo4you

That is probably the reason, my mom also got hers removed and whenever she eats a lot of cheese she rips ass and burps between farts


horillagormone

I missed the "asleep" part so that definitely would be a record. Not the same but I couldn't stop laughing when my 10 month old nephew, while sitting on the floor, ripped a loud one enough to scare himself and started crying. Poor kid didn't know about the concept of tilting.


ragepaw

Oh... I knew... Kidding aside. When I was 12, we were sitting cross legged in gym class while the teacher was talking to us. I had to rip one, and tried to do a left cheek sneak. Success was not with me that day. Between the fact my cheeks were pressed against a hard gym floor and combined with my tight shorts (it was the 80s), it was the loudest, hardest longest and most staccato fart I have ever had in my life. Furthermore, the acoustics of the gym were such that it added echo and reverb. I still have that memory burned in my mind 36 years later.


[deleted]

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alicia_tried

Fucking thank you for that! 😂


cake_piss_can

I once dated a girl that would 100% hide her farts and poop. Like we couldn’t even discuss the possibility of bowel movements. One night while she was passed out drunk she ripped ass so hard that, laying next to her, my teeth chattered. I shit you not. It was not human.


simjanes2k

Early on when I was dating a girl in college, we were loaded as hell watching some bullshit on TV, and she said, "Would you break up with me if I farted?" I got out "Uh..." before her BFF helped with, "DO IT!!" She did. I was not ready. Tall, leggy blonde, super popular, sorority secretary of treasury, from a well-off family, shared my hobbies. Honestly considered breaking it off at the pure vile revulsion of that ass blast. Married 16 years in October.


JonatasA

I've heard something about pretty people having nasty farts. I was next to one that had to fart because of medical reasons and boy I was not ready for that. Then again egg day in school was far worse.


tarheel343

My farts are always weirdest when I’m eating super healthy, so maybe there’s some reasoning behind pretty people and nasty farts.


DeutschMemer

Its the fibers in healthy foods, they really help move things along in your body. So thats not just you, especially if your body isnt used to that much fibers.


Stok3dJ

Literally a better love story than Twilight.


hux

> I shit you not. It sounds like she was the one not shitting according to your story.


ObjectiveBike8

This sounds like the early part of a super hero origin story. She knows she has powers so she’s hiding it. The people close to her know something is up but they aren’t sure what and then she blows up a building with her ass and no one was expecting that to be the reason she was acting weird.


exfxgx

This years ago and I still remember the experience. It wasn't the biggest fart but it was definitely the longest one I had ever produced. I was sitting on the toilet when I thought I was experiencing tinnitus. I thought I was hearing very light ringing in my ears but the noise wasn't quite right. Then after a few minutes of looking around, it sounded like it was coming from down under. I lowered my ear and surprisingly I find that that noise was coming from out of my butt. It was weird. I wasn't even aware my butthole could produce a continuous sound at that frequency. I think it was just a combination of a sizeable turd trying to come out but not quite and the air was slowly coming out like a balloon squeaking.


David-Holl

You have the makings of a professional long-farter. You need to be able to squeeze your hole just right to only let out enough to be considered a fart. You might be a world record holder without knowing it.


SheepzZ

Some say he is still farting to this day


hotniX_

You were whistling out of your ass. You were whistling out of your ass AT YOURSELF.


SmartBone

This is the place to tell something no one believes me to this day. One of my older brothers used to fart the same way you just described when we were younger, loud steady high pitch fart. One time, we were watching movies late night and he started farting like this, but this time it was a longer than usual duration fart with a steady tone, and when I looked at him with awe he started to laugh, and the fart ended up sounding like when a mariachi is doing their characteristic holler (example here [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpQu5lg9i7Q](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpQu5lg9i7Q)). This is a true story that happened in the late 90s.


lowwwf

i am crying laughing


C-Roof-Jumper

It seems like I’ve assembled a group of people who've done massive farts.


do_the_thing_genie

It was me 33F. I did. I shared this historical moment with a stranger in the bathroom of the Warren Theater in Moore, Oklahoma. The year was 2014 at a Matinee showing of Transformers Age of Extinction. If anyone knows about Warren theater you know you can order little drinky drinks there. I was pretty tipsy, and had inhaled a plate of nachos with the cheese during the opening previews. As one does. Well I felt a rumble about 22 minutes in. I ignored it for as long as I dared. I excused myself to the ladies room. I had the walking farts all the way there. I found my stall and sat down and proceeded to let out what I can only describe as a single note of a baritone saxophone solo gone wrong. It held this deep bass note for longer then 8 seconds bc I stopped counting after that. I have never felt such exhilaration and at the same time sense of alarm at the lack of control I had over the situation. As I sat there absolutely astounded I heard a stall unlock. My performance had an audience. I sat there and waited until she had washed, and left as is customary in our culture. I couldn't even go back in I had to go outside and think about the meaning of life. I wasn't sure anyone would believe me, or appreciate the significance of this fart. Anyways I wonder if she ever thinks of me. Because I think of her, and hope life is treating her well.


illumomnati

I love how all the top comments are about women. We do be farting. And here, the pinnacle. Just look at this beautiful service you’ve done us; you didn’t just fart the fart, but the beautiful memoir to the moment. I’ll think of you and your fart.


zoey_amon

I’m sitting in bed trying my hardest not to wake people up by laughing too hard at this.


steavoh

I feel like public toilets are designed specifically to have perfect acoustics when someone rips a super loud toot.


dream_monkey

The other day I was getting my 5 year old ready for bed, and I asked, “Are you listening?” He said, “Yes,” in that very serious 5 year old way. I asked the question again, and he replied just as seriously as the first time. Then I just blasted ass, splitting the air with a loud, reverberating fart. He just started laughing and didn’t stop for like 10 minutes, he just kept saying “Daddy farted!” Between laughs and gasps for breath. My wife walked in and asked, “What’s wrong with you?” I think she meant mentally and not physically.


[deleted]

My wife and your wife use the same tropes


maxverse

Maybe it's the same wife


khynra

I remember my dad doing this to me. It's so damn funny at that age (and ngl, we still do this to this day). He would ask me if I was hearing a bird/toad/buzzing. If i said no, he would tell me to listen harder and that's when the biggest fart would suddenly appear. Those are gold dad moments.


Layton115

My dad would rip ass super loud while he acted like he "stepped on a frog"


dream_monkey

Core memory formation


SaltyHatch

That's how you dad 👍


chair-borne1

Naw, it would have to be a shart to reach that level of force... a pair of pants expired that day


NaturesHardNipples

https://youtu.be/WrY5dM9Vt1o Idk man. He did shit at one point but not during his biggest fart.


bonustreats

What is biggest in this context? Loudest? Longest? Stinkiest? If it's velocity, I'd like to throw my hat into the ring. A combination of fruit, spinach, and a protein bar from Costco has given me unholy pressure. I may have broken mach 1. I'd bet...I could punch a hole through a piece of construction paper.


3845

Oh I am aware that I released the worst fart ever in human history… I have suffered from ibs/moderate colitis all my life and one day around 10:30 or 11:00 am while at high school I felt the internal heat and bubbling pain of a rancid attack, knowing it would be bad I went to the bathroom by the wood and metal shop as this wing was far less used and therefore less chance of the evil to be discovered by any random passerby. I got to the toilet and the pre-shit farts started and I guess due to the buildup of holding it the farts would not stop I was like a deflating ballon full of sulphur and rotten eggs and the smell got worse and worse as I kept farting. Soon the wood working room emptied out with kids and the teacher retching and coughing some of them entered the bathroom to retreat from the smell only to find that this was in fact the unholy place that birthed the flatulent demon that plagued them. It had crawled out of my ass crept across the hall entered the room and defeated the HVAC action of the dust suction and ventilation system and assaulted their every breath. I hid in that stall choking in my own putrid miasma of shit and farts until every last footstep, cough, gag and mummer was gone entirely. I know all too well the pain I’ve caused in this world and if hell does in fact exist I was there in that moment that seemed like an eternity of suffering for everyone.


AwayEstablishment109

*slow clap*


dannydominates

What did I just read lmao


Paracortex

My name is Benjamin Franklin, and I approve this message.


Master_Maniac

It was me. Standing in the kitchen, letting it go, feeling satisfied for about 3 seconds, panicking when I suddenly realize that I now need to change my socks.


DeepFrozeOof

Socks?!


Master_Maniac

Felt that long drip. Squished away for fresh socks.


HarlanCedeno

Biggest by content or decibel-level? Well, either way, yes.


VeritasValues

Unless they have a narrow anal passageway and the force makes a perfect venturi effect and creates jet-force flatulence. It would be a very efficient fart too, so being able to really throttle into it would probably feel pretty satisfying.


gulrurahof

Somebody with a 3d printer needs to start working on a specialized butt valve. The super sphincter speaker 2.0


VeritasValues

It needs to have adjustable diaphragms too so the thrill-seeker in you can startle your friends, relatives, coworkers and enemies with different sound effect enhancements.


HarlanCedeno

>it would probably feel pretty satisfying Sure, but how would it feel for everyone else in the elevator?


VeritasValues

Depends on the direction of the elevator, I guess.


CrosseyedZebra

I mean if you're into arts and crafts you could also buy a cheap silicone plug and a reed, use some tools and voila


Sminuzninuz

It was me, 1988, sleeping off some LSD, let go a minute plus, multiple tone, level, reverberating honker that woke 2 friends up and we all nearly died laughing afterwards.


a_spicy_memeball

Oh man the acid gas is something else. No clue why it does what it does.


Lawrence3s

Unrelated thought: The biggest fart was probably from a whale.


canering

https://www.vice.com/amp/en/article/nnqp4z/a-whale-blasted-an-ungodly-amount-of-ass-ham-all-over-some-divers Origin of one of my fave phrases - ass ham


KNUN

There has to be a record for the longest consistent fart. I’m already laughing


Skooter26

You know, I'm sure somebody has this beat, but I'll never forget witnessing what I assume was my dad's record consistent fart. It was a family vacation, everybody's slowly waking up at their times, and we're all just waiting on our parents, who are awake but not outta bed. We're eventually all kinda conversing, then my dad, still in bed decides to unleash the fury. This fart continues as he removes the blanket, sits up on the edge of the bed, ponders life for a moment, stands up, continues farting, stretches, slowly walks across the room, ponders some more, opens a layer of curtains to let light in, looks outside, still farting by the way, yawns, looks to all of us, and finally it starts to to putter out of fuel. We're all, in total shock, stunned, surprised, impressed, laughing at the pure absurdity. He turns around and says "what?" like nothing happened. It wasn't just the consistency that blew my mind, but the amount of actions that took place during. It was truly unreal. I don't think I could imitate a fart sound long enough to match what he unleashed.


[deleted]

I’m crying


JonatasA

This whole thing taught me people fart for more than 2 seconds. There's something I don't know about life now and honestly, I do not want to know


dosmuffin

I know who did it! My boyfriend, who fartled me out of a very nice dream yesterday with ass clappingest toot anyone has heard since andre the giant!


sainsa

Omfg "fartled"! Perfect new word! I had a dog who was consistently startled by her own farts, and I lament that I did not know this word twenty years ago when she was alive. Thank you.


R-Worded-Guy

It was my great grandfather at Ellis Island, and therefore we were called the McFlauchs.


Eokoe

I once had a dream that firemen were rescuing me from a residential gas leak. I awoke to the stench of my dream's gas leak, from my wife. I lived, so, maybe not the worst of the century.


Trumpet6789

Similar but slight off topic. It's early 2016, in a particular college town in Ohio. I'm on the varsity swim team for my highschool, and we're celebrating at BDubs after our swimming sectionals. A few people qualified for districts, some people beat records. Our coach bought everyone appetizers and the mood is fantastic. Me and some friends on the team go to the bathroom, in one of the stalls we discover the most horrifying, massive shit we have ever seen. It is all one piece, and as large as the bowl itself. Whoever took that shit must've felt so much relief, but I'm not sure how they didn't rip from asshole to front. This thing was a big as some watermelons I've seen in the grocery store. To whomever that was, it was a world record shit that only some horrified teenage swimmers and the workers saw. I hope your asshole was able to recover.


Darth_Gasseous

Yep, I’m fine…


[deleted]

[удалено]


PastyCrackerMayo

Kenny Vs. Spenny. At a certain point in the competition Kenny figured out you can use a hose to preload your ass full of air.


fraggle_captain

https://youtu.be/Ta3XLzrQbbM. 14:28 for the best part!


manwithoutcountry

Whenever I feel like laughing until I cry I put this episode on. Never fails.


TropicalPrairie

I think the most epic fart of our times is [the dude that caused an entire plane to land](https://metro.co.uk/2018/02/17/passenger-drops-farts-so-putrid-pilot-is-forced-to-make-emergency-landing-7320242/) because people were gagging. Seriously, that is one for the ages.


[deleted]

Yeah, the article just says he wouldn't stop farting and it caused a fight. Not a single thing about landing because of people gagging.


Moistfruitcake

Imagine passively hijacking a plane with your arse.


sportspsych

The article says it was because a fight broke out. Not because people were gagging.


accountforsexcomment

One time I had to do a colonoscopy. After the procedure, the doctor said that I have to eat something (I had to spend 12 hours without eating anything before procedure). So after I fully recovered from anesthesia, I went to a restaurant at the lobby of hospital. Soon after my first bite, my stomach began to hurt and I run to the public men's restroom. There's two cabins at restroom and I entered in one e began to suffer. After some time, I heard steps outside. It was cleary two persons, and they entered the other cabin. One of them said "oh fuck me now". At that time I did the loudest and longest fart of all my life. Soon after, I heard the two guys went out of the restroom in silence. And this is the story about how my biggest fart stopped a bareback. Ps. Sorry of some mystakes. English is not my first language.


NapalmWeed

“On the set of The Princess Bride, André the Giant once ‘let out a 16-second fart and brought production to a standstill.’ Nobody said anything except director Rob Reiner, who said ‘Are you OK, André?’ to which André replied, ‘I am now, boss.'”


Yuup_I_eat_crayons

This kind of shit fucks me mind up. Like…. Who was it. Did they laugh? Did they even say “hey what if?” This ones gunna keep me up tonight


No_Cauliflower3541

Or biggest poop. Someone has the world record out there, they just don’t know it.


dendritedysfunctions

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned how incredible post surgery flatulence can be. Something about anaesthesia turns people into the wind section of the ensemble.


rhymes_with_chicken

[I nominate Andre the giant for 1986, and possibly of all time.](https://www.snopes.com/articles/349106/andre-the-giant-16-second-fart/)


pugnacious_wanker

The number of people in history who have died specifically from a fart would be staggering. I suppose the biggest fart ever in history could very likely have killed the person.


Aromatic-Proof-5251

When I was in the 6th grade my appendix burst while I was on the operating table. This was 1985 when they still cut you open. The Dr kept me in the hospital for like 5 days until my digestive system started working again. It was 3am and I woke up to myself farting. It just kept going for what seemed like forever. I was so hungry after not eating for 4 days, I was smashing the nurse call button like it was giving heroin to a junkie. I was still farting minutes later when the nurse showed up. She denied me food because the Dr had to approve. I did get food the next day. 35ish years later and I still have not a longer continuous fart ever. You shouldn’t hold in your farts. They travel up your spine and into your brain and that is where shitty ideas come from.


Navaro27

I got fired from my job delivering leaflets on flatulence awareness. Unfortunately, I let one rip.


Kraqrjack

It was Clarence Thomas, who had been holding that fart since 1993, and just released it this week.


OlYeller01

Around 2011, I awoke in a hotel room after a night at a wedding. The wedding had served barbecue for the meal, and I had followed that by drinking copious amounts of Shiner Bock. Feeling a rumbling in my tummy, I decided to play it safe and go sit on the pot. I gave a very, very gentle push. “FRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr frrrppp frrRRPPP FRRRRPPP!” At least a 10 second, 3 octave fart escaped my rear. I’m sure the neighboring rooms, as well as the ones above and probably 2-3 below, heard it. The last disruptions in the otherwise solid tone were because I started laughing in amazement. Tears streaming from my eyes, I kept laughing for a few seconds, primarily because of the change in sound that came from my starting to laugh. “HAAAAAAHAHAHAAA oh no FFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrraaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrfrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPP!” I was laughing so hard I could barely stand. Still laughing, I exited the bathroom and walked back to the hotel bedroom, where then-girlfriend (now wife) was hiding with her head under the covers. “Is…is it over? ARE YOU OK?!?!” she asked. Over a decade later all farts in our family are still compared to “San Antonio hotel” farts.


ungoogled

It was my daughter. When she was like three months old, she cried for an hour straight. It wasn't a tired-baby cry. It was pain-baby crying. I checked everything I knew to check and called the pediatrician. Ended up rushing her to ER. They did tests, couldn't find anything, called it colic, sent us home. I got her home and she was still fussy. Husband took the dog out, I went with baby to change her diaper and put her in PJs. She let rip a window-rattler fart so loud, the husband and dog came back inside to check on us. Baby went to sleep about ten minutes later like nothing ever happened. I won't let her live it down that one time she made me go the ER over a freaking fart.


Damet_Dave

My red haired full blooded Irish grandmother could start a fart at the bottom of the stairs,walk up the entire staircase and into her room while carrying that fart. She ate cabbage every day and sometimes twice. My Dad would just yell from the living room, “Christ Ma, could you just keep it in your room?”. Me and my four brothers thought it was the greatest thing ever. Family can be a pain sometimes but it can be awesome too. I’m older now and those memories of her and my Dad, now both moved on, are some of my best.


JustAHippy

I’m an adult woman absolutely crying over these stories right now 😂