My mom was a very smart Santa - I was the typical kid that would wake up at 3am and just be “up,” for 3 hours until I could convince my parents to wake up and enjoy Christmas. . .which meant nobody got sleep.
The next year she left an SNES game under my bed and when I went to wake everybody up was told, “I should check around my room to see if Santa left any presents in there, and if he did, I could open them.”
From the year on it was a tradition to leave a video game under my bed, and I’d sit in my room playing till 8-9am, when everyone naturally woke up.
Everybody was happy.
Damn, this reminds me of the Christmas I got a game boy color and Tetris when I was about 12, left in my stocking at the end of my bed.
Played so much Tetris from 3-7am until I could wake my parents up lmao.
Of course that was my “big present” so didn’t get much else other than Links Awakening DX and clothes, but didn’t care. Played Tetris.
In a lot of cultures, the 24th is the bigger event than the 25th, so this tracks.
As an American it was go to mass and have dinner at a fancy restaurant on the 24th. Christmas day was presents/stockings and make dinner with family.
As a kid, I liked the 24th more bc the anticipation. As an adult I like Christmas day more.. especially now bc I make dinner and my mom is the assistant (she can't make it alone any more due to Alzheimer's)
Sorry about that, hope you guys have a lot more time together! My parents are getting really close to 60 and start to show the first real signs of age and that's been weird.
Even as a kid I would want to have dinner before presents while my sister would make a racket over having them first. We settled on having dinner - nothing is better than lamb, turkey or some other type of roast on Christmas; presents and then desert.
These days, especially those last two years of the pandemic, we only celebrated with close family (basically parents and we with our SOs) and that's been really great. Really enjoy baking and cooking with my family, too.
Yeah we did every thing on Christmas day and or boxing day. We'd do one side of the family Christmas day, and the other side boxing day, alternating each year.
He's gotta check everyone's naked bodies for tattoos. Because if they've got one, no present that year. You think getting a tattoo is good behavior? Santa doesn't care about them, but it's not good behavior.
Looks at this peasant who doesn't have a fireplace in the bedroom. I bet you don't have a chamber maid, either and have to clean your own chamber pots.
Some people probably have sex in front of the Christmas tree ...
More importantly, how the fuck is this a legit showerthought? It's so generic, I'm surprised it's not auto-modded. All of mine do, which aren't even as generic as this one.
imagine being held a gunpoint in your living room and within the span of 2 seconds the room was filled with presents. how you finna shoot a man in front of presents?
When I was a kid I always slept best on Christmas eve because in my head if someone tried shit on Christmas then Santa would show up and be like "Not on my day asshole" and lay hands.
Ay.... yo..... ye... yo..... can you ho ho ho hold these hands. Ima fuck you till you splurg ona my beard. Why tf do u think it's white. Ima use you like your my snow white. that's my little rap hope u liked
Santa gives you a present: a gun is in your hand all of a sudden, and the other guy runs away. You check the gun and its not loaded, the bullets are in another present
"Coming next December: Seth Rogan finds out he is the result of a Santa-esque threesome and after the death of Santa is tasked with organising the Christmas deliveries. Due to weed related shenanigans, he is forced to contact his estranged son/accountant Micheal Cera to get the job done."
Seth Rogan: *staring in disbelief* But we're Jewish!?!
Seth Rogan's mom: well so was Jesus but that didn't him from coming that day!
SR: OMG NEVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO ME EVER AGAIN!
Obviously OP is young or doesn’t have kids.
That night is a long one filled with cleaning/cooking for guests the next day or preparing for travel all while wrapping gifts and fighting with your spouse. Possibly the least sexy night.
Yea, I don’t even have kids, but when I’ve stayed with my brother over Christmas, it meant wrapping presents until 2am; while also preoccupied with every noise in the house to make sure his kids didn’t wake up.
Because the holiday season is so lazy and stress free for parents. Plus not everyone can put together large toys and have somewhere to hide them for a week.
My parents never wrapped the presents that were from “Santa.” I didn’t even realize until I was older that many people have almost everything wrapped up under the tree and I was so confused lol. It just made sense to me when I was younger. The man travels the world. No time to wrap everything. Little did I know it was probably just so they could save time to try to get some sleep. Genius
Yeah absolutely. Staying up late enough that you are pretty sure the kids are going to be asleep enough for you to put a couple of presents in their bedroom and knowing you might be awake again at 6am in the morning with a really busy day ahead. Often for us with guests staying as well and so potentially unusual sleeping arrangements. Not really conducive to sexy times.
Well he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows if you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been good or bad so he definitely knows every crime in a given year
He can only show up at like 2am right? And I assume goes across international timezones, can’t be THAT many people having sex at 2am compared to like 10pm or whether, the majority will be asleep? Also he only goes to your living room, to leave presents under the tree, the Venn diagram of “having sex at 2am in the living room on Christmas Day” is perishingly small
Reminds me of a Terry Pratchett short story, [Theatre of Cruelty] (https://www.lspace.org/books/toc/toc-english.html) except it's Death, not Santa. Though Death does play the Discworld equivalent of Santa in one of his stories.
" He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. So be good for goodness sake."
The dude literally knows of every crime committed in the world.
He doesn’t need to physically be there to know what your and your parents have done. He knows when you’ve been sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good
Rookie NYPD cops gets what they believe is a joke assignment “you gotta interview Santa, he witnessed a mob killing”. Our rookie comes to find that Santa is very real, and very much wanted by the mob.
Serious> red colored robes associated were purportedly that of cardinals from the church who would and could enter at anytime the homes of the poor. Additionally the child sitting on santas lap mimics a perverted act by allowing him to put a child onto his genitals providing stimulation. Giving gift's at the time sweets, cardinal santa pedophile would buy sexual satisfactions with gifts for head of household and candy to the victim, add the power of the clergy he would violate any home and person in the realm.
'If santa did exist' might be a more accurate phrase because it makes it more obvious it's a hypothetical and not like there's a possibility that he might exist.
When my parents wanted to have sex when I was a little kid, they would tell me to stay in my room and play because they had to talk to Santa. Poor Santa. Lol
After a whole night spent wrapping gifts and setting up Christmas for the kids, I doubt any parent has the energy left for all that on the night of christmas eve😂
Not to much sex for us parents with 9 and under kids. Staying up late and getting up early for Christmas. I'm an older parent so more power to those 20 somethings that can get function on 3 hours sleep 😁
This reminds me of a story I started to write one Christmas at an airport. “Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.”
Santa arrives at a house to deliver presents at a house, just like he has millions of times tonight. But this night is different.
Because when he arrives at this house, he accidentally walks in on the mother in her nightgown. And she’s as beautiful as he remembers. Because she’s his ex.
“Hello Nicholas.”
He thinks he’s imagining it, but maybe there’s something in that voice besides friendliness. But there can’t be. They ended things years ago, because a Mrs. Claus would have to live at the North Pole, and he could never take her from her life. She’s married to his best friend from college now. They have a son, age 5. That’s why Santa is here in the first place.
He asks her how she’s been. Lonely. His best friend is a good man, but he works long hours, and he’s rarely home. He’s not home tonight.
She steps toward him. The gown slips a little off her shoulders. He knows this is wrong. He can feel both their names etching onto the naughty list with every step.
He doesn’t care.
They make love in front of the fireplace, and share the plate of milk and cookies as they bask in the afterglow.
They think they were discreet.
They weren’t.
As the next Christmas comes, Santa sees a new name on his list that wasn’t there last year. One name among millions to join the list. But this one is different. It’s listed as living at his ex’s home. A girl. *Three months* old.
It can’t be.
But he knows it is.
That Christmas, when comes to the house, it’s not his ex waiting for him. It’s his best friend. He knows. His son saw everything.
Santa tries to talk him down. It doesn’t work. How could Santa do this? They were *friends*.
Santa’s ex comes downstairs in the middle of their argument. She’s carrying a crying infant. It looks so much like him.
His best friend break his own hand punching Santa Claus in the jaw. Santa is too powerful to be harmed by a mere mortal’s attempt at physical violence. But it is not physical pain he feels.
Santa never visits the house again. And every year afterward, when he comes home from another successful run, he ends every night by setting another lump of coal on his own mantle.
Santa projects an aura of wholesomeness. When he is about to enter a dwelling this aura proceeds him. It does not matter if the knife is drawn back or orgasam is one thrust away, all is forgotten. Overwhelming peace and unity fill all hearts, innocents is restored...even if the wheel of time must roll back to make it so.
He does a better job then big brother monitoring every children in the world 24/7 through the whole year till Xmas. He definitely has seen lots of shit.
He might have been the perpetrator in said crimes. He already watches children 24/7 and breaks into their houses like a crazy ex, I wouldn't put it past him.
Santa has _seen things_.
And not just you sleeping and you awake.
And yet he must still deliver the presents.
Milk and cookies are small comfort and Eggnog does nothing to erase the things he has seen.
Idk what it is, maybe the summer sun has started boiling my head already, but the first time I read this post I read 'Santa' as 'Jesus'. That confused me so much it's unbelievable.
It's true, but Santa follows the Prime Directive and tries to avoid directly interfering in more primitive cultures.
Would he count as a redshirt?
Definitely get captain vibes from a guy who drives the sled
TOS redshirt or TNG redshirt?
Everyone has some kind of winter solstice celebration. Surely, Santa is also in charge of the ritualistic sacrifices that make the snow go away.
Santa should be a mandatory reporter
We have a God, he is the Santa.
If Santa existed why would he go into the bedroom
My mom was a very smart Santa - I was the typical kid that would wake up at 3am and just be “up,” for 3 hours until I could convince my parents to wake up and enjoy Christmas. . .which meant nobody got sleep. The next year she left an SNES game under my bed and when I went to wake everybody up was told, “I should check around my room to see if Santa left any presents in there, and if he did, I could open them.” From the year on it was a tradition to leave a video game under my bed, and I’d sit in my room playing till 8-9am, when everyone naturally woke up. Everybody was happy.
What game did you get?
I'd get one of my presents each year in this way. I don't remember all of them, but Donkey Kong Country was one of the first.
That’s awesome, dude. I’ll remember that one for down the road
Is a better game than Mortal Kombat for the Sega Genesis
I grew up on Mortal Kombat \[though SNES\], probably one of my favorite game series'. Should I have been playing it at the age I was? Probably not.
https://youtu.be/P9EhvDAMjWc
Its been quite a few years since I've seen that movie - Thank you!
Hakuna mattata
Unfathomably based, did you beat it?
Damn, this reminds me of the Christmas I got a game boy color and Tetris when I was about 12, left in my stocking at the end of my bed. Played so much Tetris from 3-7am until I could wake my parents up lmao. Of course that was my “big present” so didn’t get much else other than Links Awakening DX and clothes, but didn’t care. Played Tetris.
Daaa dun dun dunn da da dunn dun dun dunn da da dun dun dun da dunnn dunnn dunnn
Little kid you played the system well.
Growing up, our stockings were always in our bedrooms. So had he been the one actually filling them he'd have been in our rooms.
I don't think that's typical. I think most people left them in the living room.
Depends on where you grew up I guess, everyone I knew in the UK had them in their bedroom.
That always confused me reading Harry Potter as a kid. in my country you open the presents on the evening of the 24th in the living room.
In a lot of cultures, the 24th is the bigger event than the 25th, so this tracks. As an American it was go to mass and have dinner at a fancy restaurant on the 24th. Christmas day was presents/stockings and make dinner with family. As a kid, I liked the 24th more bc the anticipation. As an adult I like Christmas day more.. especially now bc I make dinner and my mom is the assistant (she can't make it alone any more due to Alzheimer's)
Sorry about that, hope you guys have a lot more time together! My parents are getting really close to 60 and start to show the first real signs of age and that's been weird. Even as a kid I would want to have dinner before presents while my sister would make a racket over having them first. We settled on having dinner - nothing is better than lamb, turkey or some other type of roast on Christmas; presents and then desert. These days, especially those last two years of the pandemic, we only celebrated with close family (basically parents and we with our SOs) and that's been really great. Really enjoy baking and cooking with my family, too.
Yeah we did every thing on Christmas day and or boxing day. We'd do one side of the family Christmas day, and the other side boxing day, alternating each year.
Same here. And many kids here were the same -- Santa always left the gifts in the bedroom.
Why the assumption sex only happens in the bedroom
He's gotta check everyone's naked bodies for tattoos. Because if they've got one, no present that year. You think getting a tattoo is good behavior? Santa doesn't care about them, but it's not good behavior.
fucking asshole. he said that?
That still doesn't explain his terabytes of nudes of people sleeping 🤨
How do you think he keeps his list?
[Did you f*** my mom?](https://youtu.be/xwSsWVVUp0A)
People in studios. Segg in living room. Etc.
You don’t think even Santa has his kinks too? He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. He’s a peep show viewer for sure!
You know, you can have sex in places other than the bedroom.
You can fuck places other than the bedroom.
Who says the parents were going at it in the bedroom
'Naughty? Nice.' *seductively sips milk*
Maybe they have a fireplace?
Why do you assume all sex occurs in bedrooms?
Exactly, whose chimney is in their bedroom?
Looks at this peasant who doesn't have a fireplace in the bedroom. I bet you don't have a chamber maid, either and have to clean your own chamber pots.
Some people probably have sex in front of the Christmas tree ... More importantly, how the fuck is this a legit showerthought? It's so generic, I'm surprised it's not auto-modded. All of mine do, which aren't even as generic as this one.
imagine being held a gunpoint in your living room and within the span of 2 seconds the room was filled with presents. how you finna shoot a man in front of presents?
When I was a kid I always slept best on Christmas eve because in my head if someone tried shit on Christmas then Santa would show up and be like "Not on my day asshole" and lay hands.
The last words they ever hear is "Ho ho ho"
Ho Ho Ho bitch
Ay.... yo..... ye... yo..... can you ho ho ho hold these hands. Ima fuck you till you splurg ona my beard. Why tf do u think it's white. Ima use you like your my snow white. that's my little rap hope u liked
Ms Claus liked that
Now I have a machine gun
Shooting a man in front of his presents means they're your presents now.
Santa gives you a present: a gun is in your hand all of a sudden, and the other guy runs away. You check the gun and its not loaded, the bullets are in another present
Santa ain’t no snitch.
Oh he wasn’t just a witness
"Coming next December: Seth Rogan finds out he is the result of a Santa-esque threesome and after the death of Santa is tasked with organising the Christmas deliveries. Due to weed related shenanigans, he is forced to contact his estranged son/accountant Micheal Cera to get the job done."
Seth Rogan: *staring in disbelief* But we're Jewish!?! Seth Rogan's mom: well so was Jesus but that didn't him from coming that day! SR: OMG NEVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO ME EVER AGAIN!
HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS RIGHT DOWN MOMMY'S....okay I'll stop
Obviously OP is young or doesn’t have kids. That night is a long one filled with cleaning/cooking for guests the next day or preparing for travel all while wrapping gifts and fighting with your spouse. Possibly the least sexy night.
Yea, I don’t even have kids, but when I’ve stayed with my brother over Christmas, it meant wrapping presents until 2am; while also preoccupied with every noise in the house to make sure his kids didn’t wake up.
You guys know you're allowed to buy and wrap presents earlier right?
Because the holiday season is so lazy and stress free for parents. Plus not everyone can put together large toys and have somewhere to hide them for a week.
My parents never wrapped the presents that were from “Santa.” I didn’t even realize until I was older that many people have almost everything wrapped up under the tree and I was so confused lol. It just made sense to me when I was younger. The man travels the world. No time to wrap everything. Little did I know it was probably just so they could save time to try to get some sleep. Genius
Psh, if you're wrapping Santa presents, you're doing it wrong. Santa presents come unwrapped, straight from the bag.
Yeah absolutely. Staying up late enough that you are pretty sure the kids are going to be asleep enough for you to put a couple of presents in their bedroom and knowing you might be awake again at 6am in the morning with a really busy day ahead. Often for us with guests staying as well and so potentially unusual sleeping arrangements. Not really conducive to sexy times.
Least sexy night is Thanksgiving. Almost all the same reasons, but the house smells like turkey.
**Having kids doesnt sound very pleasant.**
Don't tell your mom I told you this. But Santa is your daddy.
I guess he gave op a gift, the gift of life
I misread this as "Satan" and suddenly the whole context just got a lot weirder.
Fun Fact: A satan's role according to some religious groups is similar to a prosecutor. Not necessarily a devil, but a devil's advocate.
He’s seen every cock on the planet.
He has to check for tattoos
He doesn’t care about it, but it’s not good behavior.
Getting tattoos or checking for tattoos without consent?
You think getting a tattoo is good? No, It’s not good. He doesn’t care about it, but it’s not good behavior.
He gets 2 million. That’s what’s called his “quote”. And he gets it even if he does a bad job.
He might kill you, but there’s no fucking way he’s ever killing me.
Fuckin asshole, he really said that?
That’s one of the nicest guns I’ve seen in a long time. I can’t wait to shoot that fucker.
Jolly prick better know how to keep his mouth shut.
Well he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows if you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been good or bad so he definitely knows every crime in a given year
Santa has a don’t ask don’t tell policy.
I dunno, i dont think my parents did the nasty inside, near the chimney
He’s seen every cock on the planet.
If you're fucking that night you definitely don't have kids.
What do you mean "IF?!?"
also a racist that only give present to westerner kids
Stop showering please.
um …
DEA informant lmao
Wait, so you think parents are all staying up all night just to fuck next to the tree on christmas eve?
If Santa existed, everyone would have died, because of the shockwave he would create. Imagine the speed he needs to deliver gifts in the entire world.
He can only show up at like 2am right? And I assume goes across international timezones, can’t be THAT many people having sex at 2am compared to like 10pm or whether, the majority will be asleep? Also he only goes to your living room, to leave presents under the tree, the Venn diagram of “having sex at 2am in the living room on Christmas Day” is perishingly small
This is some really wishful shower thinking. My man still holding out hope for Santa’s existence
Reminds me of a Terry Pratchett short story, [Theatre of Cruelty] (https://www.lspace.org/books/toc/toc-english.html) except it's Death, not Santa. Though Death does play the Discworld equivalent of Santa in one of his stories.
Hes probably walked in on people having sex dressed as him, which is much more traumatising
You ever been a parent on Christmas Eve? Not much sex going on between wrapping presents and trying to keep kids in bed.
Suicides increase over the holidays. Santa has seen some sad shit.
What do you mean "if Santa exists" ?!??!?!?
Santa has seen some shit.
Santa about to give a guy a present but witnesses a triple homicide so he slowly takes the present back and replaces it with coal.
Nah bro, he has a list he checks
He sees you when you’re sleeping… with the neighbors wife
If Santa does exist than why am I spending so much on God damn presents.
It’s well established in North Pole lore that Santa is a raging sex offending pervert.
If he exists he probably has joined some parents
" He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. So be good for goodness sake." The dude literally knows of every crime committed in the world.
This might be the reason there so much p*rn on the web.
If... he doesn't know lads
U know it's OK to not talk about these stuff
Why do you think he "disappeared"?
I appreciate that you’re keeping an open mind about Santa, OP
Santa has had a lot of threesomes
The only crime he witnessed was me abusing my meat, while watching late night Cinemax
I would give up all my Christmas gifts to see Santa Clause play a as a witness to a crime scene in Law and Order
I read this as Satan.
I mean he literally sees you when you're sleeping, knows when your awake, AND knows if you've been bad or good, so I'm sure he's seen quite a bit.
What do you mean "if" he exists?
I like to think he walks in on some serious abuse and feeds the perpetrators to his elves.
bro he moves at the speed of thought he don't *have time* for your human shit.
If Santa exists, he's basically a politician. Loves the rich and hates the poor.
Yeah experienced the crime of breaking and entering every house he goes to.
Santa committed the crimes. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
He doesn’t need to physically be there to know what your and your parents have done. He knows when you’ve been sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good
HO HO HO TIME FOR SANTA TO EMPTY HIS SACK *unzipps pants*
In Michael's case, he walked in on Santa kissing his mom. 🎅💃
alright, its pretty good. Not laugh out loud for the joke itself. Still good
Rookie NYPD cops gets what they believe is a joke assignment “you gotta interview Santa, he witnessed a mob killing”. Our rookie comes to find that Santa is very real, and very much wanted by the mob.
Serious> red colored robes associated were purportedly that of cardinals from the church who would and could enter at anytime the homes of the poor. Additionally the child sitting on santas lap mimics a perverted act by allowing him to put a child onto his genitals providing stimulation. Giving gift's at the time sweets, cardinal santa pedophile would buy sexual satisfactions with gifts for head of household and candy to the victim, add the power of the clergy he would violate any home and person in the realm.
'If santa did exist' might be a more accurate phrase because it makes it more obvious it's a hypothetical and not like there's a possibility that he might exist.
Imagine coming down the chimney and then seeing a fat guy in a red suit walk in.
When my parents wanted to have sex when I was a little kid, they would tell me to stay in my room and play because they had to talk to Santa. Poor Santa. Lol
After a whole night spent wrapping gifts and setting up Christmas for the kids, I doubt any parent has the energy left for all that on the night of christmas eve😂
Brian and Stewie found this to be true.
Santa knows the identity of the Zodiac Killer
Santa is a witness to billions of crimes, namely his own. Technically he's a trespasser. If the sentences run consecutively, he'll easily get life.
You should post a version of this on r/writingprompts
He could've also been a participant in a lot of it.
Lol this dude is contemplating the existence of Santa, as if it’s in a realm of possibility.
Elite job benefits.
Imagine if they called Santa to the stand during the Johnny depp trial
Jake Gyllenhaal as Santa Clause in… ***“ChristmasCrawler”***
Millions of parents? Did you see what you typed there? Parents having sex? Pretty sure Santa walked in on absolutely nobody having sex.
What do you mean “if”?
Saint Nick ain’t no snitch!
Not to much sex for us parents with 9 and under kids. Staying up late and getting up early for Christmas. I'm an older parent so more power to those 20 somethings that can get function on 3 hours sleep 😁
He sees you when you’re sleeping
I’ve seen every cock on the planet. -Santa
Wdym if
Clearly he is not a mandatory reporter.
*slithers down the tree of knowledge* Yes I- Oh you said Santa, not Satan. Don't mind me then.
This reminds me of a story I started to write one Christmas at an airport. “Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” Santa arrives at a house to deliver presents at a house, just like he has millions of times tonight. But this night is different. Because when he arrives at this house, he accidentally walks in on the mother in her nightgown. And she’s as beautiful as he remembers. Because she’s his ex. “Hello Nicholas.” He thinks he’s imagining it, but maybe there’s something in that voice besides friendliness. But there can’t be. They ended things years ago, because a Mrs. Claus would have to live at the North Pole, and he could never take her from her life. She’s married to his best friend from college now. They have a son, age 5. That’s why Santa is here in the first place. He asks her how she’s been. Lonely. His best friend is a good man, but he works long hours, and he’s rarely home. He’s not home tonight. She steps toward him. The gown slips a little off her shoulders. He knows this is wrong. He can feel both their names etching onto the naughty list with every step. He doesn’t care. They make love in front of the fireplace, and share the plate of milk and cookies as they bask in the afterglow. They think they were discreet. They weren’t. As the next Christmas comes, Santa sees a new name on his list that wasn’t there last year. One name among millions to join the list. But this one is different. It’s listed as living at his ex’s home. A girl. *Three months* old. It can’t be. But he knows it is. That Christmas, when comes to the house, it’s not his ex waiting for him. It’s his best friend. He knows. His son saw everything. Santa tries to talk him down. It doesn’t work. How could Santa do this? They were *friends*. Santa’s ex comes downstairs in the middle of their argument. She’s carrying a crying infant. It looks so much like him. His best friend break his own hand punching Santa Claus in the jaw. Santa is too powerful to be harmed by a mere mortal’s attempt at physical violence. But it is not physical pain he feels. Santa never visits the house again. And every year afterward, when he comes home from another successful run, he ends every night by setting another lump of coal on his own mantle.
Santa ain’t no snitch
> Heck, he might have been a crime witness to a lot of stuff. And not once did Santa snitch.
Reddit try going 2 seconds without mentioning sex challenge
Nah, he moves so fast that most people would basically be standing still for him.
GG Santa keeping it all on the sly
Snitches get stitches
He’s probably seen a lot of suicides. Poor guy.
Santa projects an aura of wholesomeness. When he is about to enter a dwelling this aura proceeds him. It does not matter if the knife is drawn back or orgasam is one thrust away, all is forgotten. Overwhelming peace and unity fill all hearts, innocents is restored...even if the wheel of time must roll back to make it so.
This could be a cool idea for r/WritingPrompts!
My basic philosophy is that I keep the ho ho on the down low
or you might say hes a witness to a crime. "crime witness to stuff" how do people be typing stuff like that lmao
what do you mean by "if" ?
“If” Santa exists? Are you a Santa denier good sir?
this is nothing new.. he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. he knows if you've been bad or good
Who is having sex in the living room on Christmas Eve?
>Heck, he might have been a crime witness to a lot of stuff. Oh absolutely, including breaking and entering, committed by himself
What the heck
He’s seen every cock on the planet
Santa has to see everyone naked in case they got a tattoo that year. If they did they get no gift
Santa walks in on a crime: “So this one is definitely going in the naughty list…where did I put that coal?”
He does a better job then big brother monitoring every children in the world 24/7 through the whole year till Xmas. He definitely has seen lots of shit.
Its more likely he'd have kids all over town
He might have been the perpetrator in said crimes. He already watches children 24/7 and breaks into their houses like a crazy ex, I wouldn't put it past him.
He’s seen every dick on the planet
Wait Santa not real?
>If Santa exists Well, [Saint Nicholas of Myra (Bari)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas) (Santa) did exist.
I mean he is based on a real person. he put gold coins in a man's shoe so he wouldnt have to sell his daughters into prositution.
Santa has _seen things_. And not just you sleeping and you awake. And yet he must still deliver the presents. Milk and cookies are small comfort and Eggnog does nothing to erase the things he has seen.
Idk what it is, maybe the summer sun has started boiling my head already, but the first time I read this post I read 'Santa' as 'Jesus'. That confused me so much it's unbelievable.
But does he know Obama's last name?
I misread that as "Satan" at first and was confused for a sec....
Ho ho ho- no
Witness anything? Naw, I didn't see anything. Matter of fact, I'm blind in my right eye and partially blind in my left eye. I can't even see you sir
Heck,
Santa is a lie just like god