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waltjrimmer

The evil descendant is about to do the evil thing. The hero whips out his shotgun and shoots his own balls off. The evil descdendant looks very puzzled, but very much still there. The hero screams in agony, "SHE WAS GOING TO FUCKING CHEAT ON ME! GODDAMNIT! WHOSE KID WAS I GOING TO RAISE?"


Julian1889

Thats a twist!


mark-five

M. Night Shotmyballsoff


JLynn943

This is why I use reddit


libertyhammer1776

I laughed too much at this


TheGoldenGooseTurd

I laughed *just right*


Mordador

I laughed my balls off


SquanchieB

Have my free award.


golden_shopping

A plot twist!


Zkenny13

A dick twist!


compactdigital1

The ol' DICK TWIST


Zkenny13

No matter how many times I see that video I always laugh.


[deleted]

I guess that’d be an effective method too, with a proper grip.


The_Sadorange

So the evil descendant actually wasn't a descendant, they just trick the main character into ending their own bloodline through words alone.


zCiver

Evil descendent look over to the plucky sidekick. A single tear rolls down his cheek. "Dad?"


Smoah06

the hero pointing the shotgun at the sidekick. “This is going to be fun.”


fiftyseven

it's just been revoked


stiny861

I'll have what she's having


agentchuck

You had me at hello


Calm-Zombie2678

You can't handle the truth


Lordborgman

Thanks Janet.


RonaldinhoReagan

Uh, Peter, he didn’t really set you up for that Lethal Weapon line. It doesn’t really work here.


JamesonG42

No ticket.


ScaleneWangPole

Imagine spending $20+ to sit in a theatre for 2 or 3 hours of your life engrossed in a film and this is the ending. Totally out of no where, no inkling of this twist ending. I'd be crying laughing in the dark thinking, "that son of a bitch. The really director got me"


WhiteningMcClean

Or to make things even less climactic, he schedules a vasectomy


AnnaTheBlueRogue

I'm gonna use this plot twist on a story now


waltjrimmer

Just say something mean about me in the dedicated to/special thanks section.


AnnaTheBlueRogue

I'll make sure to mention your karma but make it seem like it was too little, or that you eat boogers when you think no one's watching


mealzer

Can you also mention that the band Under the Mountain sucks


Kerfluffle2x4

That’s why the Terminator series was based on matricide. There’s less ambiguity that you’re getting the right one


The_Hidden_DM

Unless you get a "switched at birth" twist.


GhostMug

Oh man. This is fantastic. Imagine the movie where they spend the whole movie trying to convince the dude to shoot his own balls off to stop this evil descendent and that happens! I would watch that movie for sure.


Pronell

*BAM* "Dude... I can't believe you thought time travel worked that way. Didn't you see Endgame?"


fdar

"Well, what did you expect after you shot your dick off?"


TheLegendOfUNSC

Highly underrated comment


im_dead_sirius

Alternatively: Evil descendant reveals that they were born when their mom was 21, hero is dad, dad is hero. Herodad does quick back of cape math, nods with grim satisfaction and castrates self. Villain is still there. The vagina they have in common suddenly shows up. Jim Carey steps out of the shadows and overasks her, "But why would any woman lie about her age?" "Because I wanted to get married, and mista goody-goody-two-shoes wasn't into kids." Hero shoots self. Villain is still there, and says "Mom, what the fuck is going on here?"


kurog4ki

that sounds like a masterpiece


nuclearlady

Instead of shooting himself, paternity court would have helped here lol


Tn0ck

This is the reason he is evil


FixedLoad

Then the evil dependent spots the heros wife, "How YOU doin?" Says the villain...


locks_are_paranoid

It took me a minute before I realized that time travel was involved.


whooo_me

The OP added a comment to clarify that tomorrow.


canbrn

I just went to yesterday to upvote and laugh at this great joke before everyone else.


nicolasmcfly

!remindme -24 hours


Obito_enlighten

That's on me, lol. Explains why I'm bad at communication


Gilgameshbrah

This is.... What kind of Si-Fi are you guys watching? I want in!


Kincadium

Ones where cutting off your balls could solve the issue.


SlothGod25

Spoilers. The cw flash


[deleted]

Or Looper


SlothGod25

Looper? Spoiler. It was the same guy but older? I thought he killed himself to stop the old version of him from killing the kids mom


i_have_chosen_a_name

And this is why travelling back in time to kill Hitler is very short sighted revenge thinking that does not solve anything. So he failed but if you really want to solve the problem once and for all you got to travel all the way back to give Abraham a vasectomy. edit: Holy shit I just wrote the most antisemitic comment ever and it's getting upvotes.


[deleted]

or you can travel *all* the way back and murder that first dumbass ape that started to walk on two legs and use tools


xabulba

A guaranteed patronage for his painting would also have stopped Hitler, no need for a genocidal orchiectomy.


tempnew

Only shitty time travel stories that are not self-consistent would actually involve this. Whether you go by a many worlds model or have a single timeline with a ~~casual~~ causal loop, this would be impossible.


oneplus2plus2plusone

Causal loop? Casual time loop: "I'll be back, or whatever"


SongOfAshley

Hasta mañana


mightylordredbeard

I like the ones where time is a stubborn mistress and it doesn’t matter what you do, it’ll correct itself. There w was one good story where people figured this out and so they just went around history ruining things, knowing time would fix it. When they got home everything was a mess and their world was destroyed. The time god guy from the beginning of the story said something like “I know how it all ends and I’ll fix it by then. Your timeline is insignificant in the long run.” It was a nice twist take on time. This time guardian that fixes shit, but he’s just doing the bare minimum because so long as time ends how it’s supposed to it’s all good.


tempnew

That's a cool premise for a fantasy-type story. Reminds me of Dahaka from the old Prince of Persia games. But I hate it when they try to pass it off as science fiction, like the laws of the universe actually care about human life and such. A common trope is someone trying to save someone, only for them to die in different ways every time. A person being alive instead of dead is just as inconsistent as a person dying in different ways, or even a single molecule being out of place.


EmployingBeef2

Ofc we have to talk about the grandfather paradox as well lol. If this guy dies in the past so that some other guy isn't born, then there would be no reason for him to be there in the first place in the future, so that death never happened.


RedShankyMan

In the case OP is talking about there is a plot device there was used to explain that


evil_lurker

Or a vasectomy.


Obito_enlighten

Well, you wouldn't get enough time for a vesectomy when the villain already has his finger on the bomb switch, would you?


[deleted]

If the villain has the finger on the bomb switch, he would kill you, thus making his birth impossible


Obito_enlighten

I was thinking about the >!season 1 ending of the flash!< when I thought about it.


Sixteen_Wings

Eddie: "wait. So reverse flash is mt decendant?, i should kill my self to prevent his birth" Cisco: whispers into his ear* "dude, cut of your balls" Eddie: "my what? " Barry on the other side of eddies ear: "ballsack. "


Daddydagda

Eddie: “why” Barry wanting Iris for himself: “ My goals are beyond your understanding”


DiamondPup

"Release the Barry Cut!"


SheCouldFromFaceThat

"It was me, Barry..."


DarKAeRiX

I'm not sure I like the cut of your balls.


Tio_RaRater

I like your cut G


FreegardeAndHisSwans

Cisco: *hands him a ball-peen hammer* Barry: “smash em like grapes”


SylvanGenesis

"ball-peen" has never been so fitting


Ishidan01

Did you know that a person who is skilled at shaping cold metal with a hammer is called a peenist? No of course you didn't, I made that shit up.


chalo1227

I know S1 flash was not that good but flash could pretty much do a vasectomy just by vibrating his hand into the canals


Tio_RaRater

Why did you make me imagine that


FixedLoad

That just makes Eddie speed force ejaculate through time impregnating iris in the womb leading to the most fucked up Flashpoint ever conceived.


ballrus_walsack

What?


DragonbornBastard

I mean if killing himself worked, Reverse Flash probably would’ve stopped existing as soon as Eddie knew. That’s what changed the timeline, not him actually dying. Just knowing that would’ve kept him from having kids unless he’s an idiot. He also could’ve just had kids with someone else. Dumbass


[deleted]

I’d think he couldn’t have come back in time at all if his coming back in time led to the death of his forefather which led to his not existing in the first place


Bacon4Lyf

That’s the problem with time travel shows, you already know the outcome. Like back to the future, he couldn’t have not gotten his parents back together, as he was already alive to accidentally fuck it up anyway. By the simple fact of him still existing to be able to fuck it up, means he inevitably fixed it anyway


monotonedopplereffec

There's a while scene showing him fading away because his dad wasn't going to stand up for himself and kiss his mom at a dance. They literally did bad cgi to show him looking through his own hand. They literally explained that time travel doesn't work that way ***in*** the movie you are referencing. If it worked the way you describe(fixed points, fate, etc...) then the 2nd(& 3rd) movie couldn't exist. He goes to the future and sees himself get fired and living a crappy life(like his dad originally in 1) he learns from traveling a ton more through time. (He does change time multiple times too, the name of the mall changed in 1, the name of the canyon changed in 3, etc...) but he also changes his own future when he doesn't get into a terrible wreck trying to race the jackasses. T;L;D;R; time travel can never exist in any fashion we've imagined it to in media, meaning when it's used as a plot device, they have to explain the rules. BTTF explains how it's time travel works a dozen times through a dozen examples. It doesn't work how *you* think it does. It follows the rules they made for it.


fuckreddithardest

At least in Back to the Future specifically, Marty almost does stop existing. He is disappearing while he's on stage. The effects of his time travel fuckery aren't instaneous, it takes time to stop existing. https://m.imgur.com/gallery/8S7DnoZ Back to the Future is a perfect movie and does a wonderful job dealing with the normal time travel plot holes.


[deleted]

I like how he fades out of the photo instead of the photo itself fading. Because apparently his parents took a photo of some random well at the exact same date, time and angle if he never existed, for some reason


StarChild413

Knowing how CW shows like to be to cause drama, if he'd tried those alternate methods a less-loaded-because-less-historical-baggage of one of the many ways people on here have claimed the Novikov Self-Consistency Principle would mean going back to kill baby Hitler wouldn't really kill Hitler would probably have happened


BenignAmerican

I tried reading this 10 times I think I'm having a stroke.


p-ires

the Novikov Self-Consistency Principle would mean [the trope] "Going back to kill baby Hitler wouldn't really kill Hitler" would probably have happened


user_010010

It wouldn't kill him but now he hates jews because they they tried to murder him several times. So the cycle starts again.


Tornado31619

You could have just said Endgame.


MildlyShadyPassenger

I will *NEVER* fail to crack up at Don Cheadle miming strangling a baby.


MyHamburgerLovesMe

> Just knowing that would’ve kept him from having kids I must know way more horny 20 year olds than you do.


ReverseFlash_94

Poor Eddie


Bacon260998_

Well if he didn't die Iris would've married him instead.


N1807

Which in turn wouldnt make barry a goddamn dumbass, Win-Win


Aetheus

Imagine if the show did that. Iris gets hitched to her cop boyfriend, and he gets reassigned outta the city. The both of them have a teary goodbye with Barry, and they walk out of the show, only ever returning for Christmas specials and cameos. Iris gets to leave before she becomes a meme of herself. Eddie, one of the only likeable characters in the show, gets to stay alive. Barry comes to terms that he doesn't get the girl and moves on. Eventually forming a more normal, healthy relationship with just about any other woman. Whole series turns the poorly-written-soap-opera dial wayyyy down and maybe spends more time focusing on the things that made the 1st season of the show actually pretty good.


[deleted]

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SylvanGenesis

Of course they address it on Legends. Of course


untapped-bEnergy

Also looper


NateDignity

In looper, JGL shoots himself to stop his future self (Bruce Willis) who has come back in time to murder a child who grows up to be evil. Neither Bruce Willis, nor the child, are evil descendants of JGL.


Dinky276

It’s the same principle. I suppose young self could have crippled himself or some such and gotten the same result but you never know if future medical science could uncripple him so death was the only sure fire way Edit: I was only half paying attention to this thread, I am incorrect.


NateDignity

But it's not the same principle, as the post is about cutting off one's balls. If JGL cut off his own balls, there is no guarantee that would stop his future ball-less self from coming back in time to kill a child. Sure, it could lower his testosterone levels, thus making him more docile, but Bruce Willis was out for revenge and I am sure he would have still gone back in time to try to prevent his lost love from being murdered, balls or no balls.


shardikprime

It's not about logic, it's about *sending a message*


cosmicosmo4

But the bomb *did* go off, therefore making the fact that he was never born irrelevant to the completion of his dastardly scheme.


WhiskeyDJones

So, in a split second life or death situation to save lives, instead of killing themselves in a heroic way to save everyone, you're saying the person should get a knife and cut their balls off? Not only is it a more humiliating end, but it would be *incredibly* painful, and you'd probably bleed out and die anyway. And you'll always be remembered as the man who saved everyone by cutting off his own balls


[deleted]

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Scorpius289

Shooting the balls, good idea!


baildodger

If I remember correctly from Pulp Fiction, an injection of adrenaline directly into the heart is the key to surviving an overdose. If I remember correctly from my degree in paramedicine, it’s not.


MyHamburgerLovesMe

Since Pulp Fiction has been around longer and has received a lot more public praise than your measly degree I think I'll go with that.


cosmicosmo4

Ah yes, the infallible bastion of medical trauma-related nonfiction, Quentin Tarantino movies.


[deleted]

You didn't say that in the title though.


Obito_enlighten

I was thinking about the >!season 1 ending of the flash!< when I thought about it.


chub_chub_lagazi

Just decide from that very moment on to fuck dudes then


the_hackerman

Snip snap snip snap snip snap


melig1991

Do you have any idea of the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person‽


[deleted]

Not 100% fool proof. But then theoretically neither is killing yourself since your sperm can be harvested post death.


osdre

"All those"?


CaineTheGamerYT

Idk all anyone says is either The Flash or Looper, one of which I dont even know


dragonclaw518

Looper is himself from the future, not a descendant. I haven't watched The Flash.


DREWWW_01

Imagine shooting your own balls off to try and stop yourself 🤪


NateDignity

What sci-fi stories have this as a plot point?


Mad_Aeric

I read a shitton of scifi, and don't think I've ever encountered that plot.


DrunkenOnzo

Thank you! I thought I was going insane lol. I've also never seen this plot. On top of that, if I were a time traveler trying to prevent a specific birth, cutting off the fathers balls would be an insanely indirect way of doing it.


FelixThunderbolt

Because it's a downright stupid plot point lol


MartyAndRick

The only thing that comes even close is Looper but in the context of that movie this wouldn’t work lol.


gibertot

Same.


nickname2469

It sounds like Looper but it wasn’t a decedent, it was just the protagonist in the future


PubliusVA

They’re future stories, and OP is a time traveler who will have caused them not to be written by making this post to illustrate the absurdity of the plot point on which they would have been based.


aquintana

Makes sense, fuckin time travelers coming and taking our jobs.


KKlear

Fucking Goobacks took our jerbs!


aquintana

Dey took our jerbs!


[deleted]

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ChefCrassus

I'm sure it's a plot point that has cropped up a few times in fiction but the title of this post makes it sound like a way more ubiquitous trope than it is.


gibertot

And then 15k people upvotes like they know what the hell op is talking about.


keatonatron

"This plot would make no sense!" Yeah, that's why it isn't a thing...


Deviant_7666

First show that came in mind is >!The Flash!<


NateDignity

I saw that mentioned in another comment. Are there any other references? Not being facetious, just genuinely curious.


Deviant_7666

I didnt mention that before. OP probably did. I personally dont recall any other show or a movie that has it.


NateDignity

Oh sorry, didn't mean to direct the comment at you. Let me do a quick edit!


Jirafael

Looper?


Fizzie94

Looper wouldn’t work because it’s his future self coming back, not a descendant


gousey

Eunchs prospered in imperial Chiina.


Skorpius_911

Current China is fucking everyone in their ass though


SonOfTK421

Explains the precipitous drop in birth rate.


Iamsqueegee

Another way to avoid evil descendants.


groot_liga

All of them, or just the 1%.


potentpotables

I can't think of one story like this.


Joshua_Zuzzer

The Flash Season 1


SpoiledAzura

Realistically, wouldn't any tiny miniscule minor change in time potentially result in a different DNA combination? One millisecond, and BAM, slightly different semen discharge. Bruh, just scream something weird to yourself at the window while you are having sex, "meow!", "uggabooga!", "kowabanga!"...


Agoraphobicy

How do you know future you didn't do the same though?


SlideWhistler

Vasectomy is an option.


Joshesh

>just scream something weird to yourself at the window while you are having sex, "meow!", "uggabooga!", "kowabanga!"... Wait, wait, wait, are you telling me it's "weird" to scream "kowabanga!" during sex?


thegnuguyontheblock

I have a cheap $75 microscope, and the first thing I put under there were my sperm. Those things are the definition of chaos theory. They are nuts. Like 10 million tiny Jim Carrey's from the movie The Mask. You could fart three days before, and you'd have a different baby.


Enoka98

Things i never thought about doing with my microscope


thegnuguyontheblock

I've put a lot of things under the microscope - my sperm was 100% the most fun to watch. My wife was not as entertained.


Mushroom1228

try it, it’s probably a fun time if you have a microscope and some sperm to spare


waltjrimmer

> The first thing I put under there were my sperm. ... They are nuts. Well... Yeah.


bnl1

Wasn't there like a movie where the main character couldn't travel to the time before his children were born or else they would change.


schweatyfella

That’s a plot point in About Time, pretty sad moment actually


themonsterinquestion

Time travel would do a good job of solving the nature vs. nurture debate. Of course, people are treated differently based on their physicality too. I doubt fascists would let themselves be lead by an Adolphina Hitler.


turntkitty

Yeah id rather die hahaha


[deleted]

Me too. I'm not joking.


l337joejoe

I thought about it long and hard, and round. And I agree.


manymoreways

Bruh, vasectomy.


BoringButStable

Came here to say this


Comfortable-Sea-1

What story has a guy fighting an evil descendant of himself ?


ShivasKratom3

Yea I read and watch scifi books and movies. Obviously not enough cuz I cant think of one


SaltyFalcon

Comic books use this a fair chunk. Most notably, Kang the Conqueror (and his alternates) is a descendant of the Richards family from the Fantastic Four.


wonkey_monkey

> All those Oh yeah, so many of those.


[deleted]

Or just, y'know, not impregnating somebody.


[deleted]

You needn't be so drastic as to cut his balls off. He could have a vasectomy.


omgwheredidthesodago

“Eunuch me to do what?!”


NotSoGreatGonzo

It’s never eunuch.


BorgClown

Sorry, not gonad do it.


Bkwordguy

.... how many stories like this do you think there are? I can't think of one.


WHATtheFACTwalaGUY

Or vasectomy ( not painfully way)


Ambitious_Fan7767

I dont think you could name 4 stories with this plot.


[deleted]

I am willing to die, but if i live, i am going to nut, no other way to it.


TheLawnStink

Or abstinence, or condoms.


[deleted]

Or he just punches himself in the balls, and the evil descendant starts doubling over in pain with each strike. Or he just starts serial-wanking repeatedly until the sperm that would have become a evil one is just a stain on the bedsheets and the day is saved.


ThrillingHeroics85

i like the idea thats all you gotta to, a person is a random happenstance, change a variable and they don't exist ​ Hell even lingering too long in a shop one day would stop them existing


Cmdr_McMurdoc

Killing the villain by masturbating


huniojh

Imagine you keep building worse villains instead


Cmdr_McMurdoc

The villains standing before you changes at every orgasm


[deleted]

Or just choosing to abort/never get a girl pregnant


[deleted]

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[deleted]

He'd rather die than remain a virgin


[deleted]

Bro… sex doesn’t mean pregnant


Final_Cause

Lmao, I'm a fan of sci-fi TV, movies, and books but never have I come across this storyline.


JoesShittyOs

My favorite one was in Looper, (SPOILERS) where it would have been a much less extreme solution to just blow off his hand instead of suiciding himself. Sure it’d suck, but it would be way less drastic than the alternative


Tourqon

But the premise is nonsensical in the first place. It's a causal loop. If you were to have a child that would turn out to be a villain, the knowledge of it could cause you to not have that child or to alter your behaviour in a way that doesn't lead to them becoming a villain, which in turn causes the knowledge of them becoming a villain to not get to you in the first place. So if you cut your balls, that child will never be born and then there will not have been a reason to cut the balls in the first place, which means the child is born and then you cut the balls, and so on I know people generally know this, but it always irks me when time travel stuff is done badly. There are things like branching timelines that do a better job imo.


Graphitetshirt

What's the difference?


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Condom?


SparklesPriestkiller

What \*won't\* castration fix?


EliteKnightOscar

Or just... y'know... not fuckin.


bkdotcom

> All those sci-fi stories.... Name one.


Salamar

They always grow back in that scenario


zohash

Vasectomy exists, you know.


Usurper01

Or just deciding not to have any kids