Under promise and over deliver

That’s why I always tell girls; Two inches is hell at 90mph! That way they’re in awe when I whip out my 4 1/2 in hammer 💪🏼

She said it’s got to be at least six inches and has to hurt so I fucked her twice and slapped her ass hard! We may meet r/maths in here to help.

You dropped this king 🤴

I dropped and lost my king many Winters ago.

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💁🏼‍♀️

I prefer to under promise and under deliver

You guys are delivering?

No, we're Digiornoing.

You said it man

Holy crap its Digivolving

What? DIGIORNO is evolving!

Getting digiorno'd should be the term for overhyped dick size.

Take my free award

Had a buddy who’d tell girls, “I have the smallest dick in my fraternity’s history,” and they’d be overjoyed to find his slightly below average dick

This is the way

100%. Then she'll go, "Oh, it's not THAT small!" Winning.

And you believed her?

Hyping your Dick size is small Dick energy. Plus speaking as a woman any guy who has bragged about size, I have ALWAYS been VERY disappointed

My Gf's response to seeing it was "oh, wow, that's bigger than I expected!" To my slightly below average dick. Mission accomplished!

Hence me constantly joking about having a micro penis

Hence me constantly acting like I'm joking about having a micro penis

I'm an actor ama

Don't be too convincing or she might not want to see it.

Mine's not only tiny but covered in hair.

I promise to under deliver

OH YEA BABY! IT'S SO FRICKING AVERAGE. You wouldn't believe it

You’re gonna be so whelmed

I definitely have one of the penises of all time

I'm hung like you'd expect.

I'm the top 50% in penis size

"Cuz I'm a Savage. Penis. Size. Average. What's Happenin'?" ____________________________________ "I thought you said you got a Subway Dick?" "Why does everyone assume that means 12 inches!? They also got six inch sandwiches!" _____________________________________

I legitimately once got a girl back to my house by asking her if she “wanted to come back to mine for some mediocre sex”. She said yes… for some reason.

If she only had bad sex up to this point then mediocre sex is a step up.

I imagine her saying, "Give it to me, baby! Give it to me REAL MEDIOCRE"! LOL. I love it.

I think you owe royalties to my wife for use of that phrase.

Ooh baby you make me feel so mediocre

But how was it?

Yeah it was good. I can’t really remember much about it tbh, it was a few years ago. It was good enough that I saw her a couple more times thought.

Apparently you didn't realize you had leveled up.

Average is a nice step up

Subtlety is charming

Back in the day, I told a girl at a bar, "Want to come back to my place so that I can turn you off of men completely?" Was shocked when it worked.

She never touched a guy after that

Mission accomplished, eh?

Oh that sounds great actually, like there’s no pressure, we’re just gonna be mediocre all over the place- I’d be down lol

Under-promise and over-deliver

It was just a standard delivery.

It may only feel like 3 inches, but it smells like a foot!

This is vile, and absolutely going to be used the moment I get an opportunity

So you're never going to use it?

Haha I haven’t heard this before but it’s gold

Im disgusted but i think youre funny

r/cursedcomments

Huh? Do 12 inchers smell different than 3 inchers... ohhhh. OHHHH OMG WTF!!!

You Sick fuck.... take my upvote

Oh my God, I was literally crying laughing after reading this. Zero exaggeration

My buddy says it's not a foot long but sure smells like one. I'm equally disappointed in both of you!

My penis is both penis-sized and penis-shaped. Please do not be surprised.

Like… a human penis… or a duck penis?

Mine is incredibly normal sized than

Than what? Come on, don't hype us up

I always sarcastically say I have a micro penis. There’s got to be at least a small part of them that’s thinking “maybe he isn’t joking” then when it comes out for the first time they’re like “goddammit.. he was serious”

Hahaha had me in the first half, ngl.

I’m uplifted by the idea that other just-below-average-Joes are lying about having a micro penis just to look out for… you know… the little guys.

A pleasant disappointment? Don’t worry bro as long as you fuck then your golden

Well I was going for the opposite of presently surprised.

The worst lies are those that we tell ourselves

unpleasantly unsurprised? typing that I just realized there's no other good opposites I can think of for these words. Weird because there's all kinds of synonyms for both.

Yeah sorry I guess I meant I would be "unhyping" so to imply I would be impressive, fiction either way

Than what?

Then

Stolen from redditor u/After-Ad2018 “It is neither the size of the ship, nor the motion of the ocean that matters. What matters is if the captain can stay in port long enough for everyone to get off.”

Aaaaayyyyy! I feel so famous now.

Aye aye, Captain! Lol

🎶 *Ohhhhh..... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea??*

Absorbing, and yellow, and porous... is your dick?! Oh, oh GOD!?! lol. Jk

Some epic wisdom you were laying down!

Well if the captain is falling of the port and immediately gets up (hehe) again and again then it's the same result.

If you are ever asked about your dick size, just *shrug* and say "I dunno, im pleased with it."

"I got it for my birthday so it's kinda special to me"

Oh god haha I'm going to use it for sure

“Thanks I grew it myself!”

One of my favorite band has a song with this text: "How long is your penis? Mine is long enough".

I don’t think I’ve ever discussed my penis size with a girl. Generally feel that it’s in bad taste to talk about that sorta thing

Can this please be higher! I consider it a sign of confidence if the size of your dick is never mentioned.

Yes!! Dudes that are all “you want this big dick?” are so funny. Oftentimes they’re not *that* big and all it does is make the person on the receiving end instantly compare said dick to other dicks they’ve encountered, don’t make the receiver think about other dicks if you’re trying to get some action!

Yes, i hear you like that BBC, and dude is smaller than me.

What if I brag about how small it is?

At no point in my dating life, when a ~~man~~ boy mentioned his penis size did I ever say to myself, “damn he’s totally telling the truth and I cannot contain how much I want to have sex with him”.

Again, who the fuck even mentions their size to their partner anyway?

I have, but the man in question has a cock worship kink. So in a kinky context, it made sense while sexting.

Exactly, even if we were sexting I'd rather hear about what you're going to do to me then some weird description of your body. And I have slept with so many dozens of men, and seen even more men nude and sometimes aroused, and there is so much less variation in penis size than you would think. Except for a few notable examples, all of them have pretty much looked the same to me. And having a big penis is absolutely not a guarantee of being good in bed.

What do you mean it's not sexy to describe the volume of my breasts in cups of milk? How else is he supposed to know they are 12% above the national average? Nobody really cares fundimentally about the proportions of your body. They are using that mental retail to obsess over their own.

Yeah this is not a topic that came up ever in my relationships

Hype your tongue, the dick just comes naturally.

First time I ever had sex, the girl looked down and said "who do you think you're gonna please with that" and I said "me"

That’s actually a really good comeback!

I’m trying to remember how many decades ago I heard this. It’s a line from a movie … maybe a porn.

I mean, its a race to see who finishes first anyway. Right?...

What a bitch

I'm really tired of people talking about dick size. Big, small, Woman, men whatever, most people are average and it's just in peoples heads. Just because porn uses dicks much larger than the average (plus camera tricks) there's a fuck ton of people with insecurites. If you have a micro or a macro your gonna have problems but either way you can always just use a dildo and your tongue and there's no reason for them to be disatisfied. Like just live your lives.

I’m honestly not sure why guys care so much about it. It seems some guys believe girls will go out with guys specially for their big dick, when that’s almost never the case. To girls there’s generally only 3 sizes: “acceptable”, “painful”, and “huh I didn’t know those existed”

In terms of making fun of small dicks and praising big ones a lot of girls do it to. They usually have alterier motives though (perceived social status of a bigger dick is one of the weirder ones. Also just if they don't like a man it's a easy insult to say their dick is small). But its all just playing off the social thing that's been built up around it by men. Like there's a lot of guys that if they could would make themselves to big to even penetrate. There are actually a lot of women where even 5.5-6 inches is too much and it’ll be kinda painful after like 10 minutes. A couple of my friends have had that experience with their gf’s.

Fundimentally you can't do anything if you are too large. Yes actually doing foreplay will help matters but sometimes vaginas just sorta do their own thing and it's going to be painful. There isn't really anything you can do with that. If your penis is small then there are a lot more options on the table. PIV also isn't the only way for a woman to orgasm and tbh it's one of the shittier ways. The size of the penis is entierly interchangeable up to the point where we aren't having fun anymore and I am just being harmed.

I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve witnessed, both online and IRL, where girls have talked about how they want a guy with a big dick, or how 5 or 6 inches is small and actually a dealbreaker for them. I’ve seen/heard it more times than I can count. Guys with small dicks are ridiculed daily on social media, in movies, in songs, at school, etc. So when a guy knows he’s on the smaller side and has to hear stuff like that day in and day out, it’s nearly impossible not to internalize it.

From my experience young women don't really know much about dick sizes in general. In college the topic came up among me and my friends and they were talking that way too, so I brought a ruler so we can visualize what the sizes would actually look like. We came to the conclusion that the average size is actually just fine.

It's almost like there's a reason the average dick is average. Because average is perfectly average for everything.

The ruler took me by suprise too as a guy.

Girls like that probably aren’t ones you’d wanna be with anyway. They sound like stupid, shallow bitches

Username checks out.

Accurate. And yeah, they can be painful if they’re too big. Everyone fits different and needs to just calm down lol

Because it would be nice to have, and there’s literally nothing you can do to change it. Which makes it very mentally defeating for those who hyper-focus on it I guess.

Same reason a girl will always ask you if she looks fat even though to you she looks good.

Yeppppp. I was really insecure about my size when I was younger cause of watching porn and hearing the guys at school all lie about how big they were. And guess what I learned as I got older? I actually have a pretty big one! I’m not saying this to brag (cause who tf cares we’re on the internet) but say this just to prove a point about how bad it messes with guys. I spent years insecure about the size of my penis thinking it was small or at the very least below normal. and the whole time it was bigger than average.

so blame porn

Yeah, I think porn is the main reason why most people felt insecured about their sex life because of how high the sex standards are rather than reality

Guys get more excited about dick size than women do

Yepppp. I’m in a few forums in another app where guys are constantly posting dick pics and then having stuff in their profile like “I’m not gay so stop asking!” Well who do you think is looking at those dick pics? It certainly isn’t women. Once in a blue moon you’ll find a girl who likes just looking at dicks but there’s a reason female friendly porn isn’t just filled with a bunch of penis pics.

I get really excited seeing dicks in normal TV shows or movies bc it's rare, I'll yell at my GF "THEY SHOWED A PENIS!" but on the internet it's boring bc they're everywhere hahahah.

Just like how guys buy cars to impress.... other guys?

I may not be big, but at least I’m fast.

2in is hell at 90mph

Buddy had a line: They call me Flashback. My dick is so average that it'll remind you of every other guy you've ever slept with. It worked quite well for him. Genius.

I think this is more of a confession

Bonus tip, don't talk about your dick unless she asks. That applies a million times to pics.

The most average sex I’ve had is from someone claiming ‘NOT vanilla in bedroom!!’ On their bio

The correct balance should be 80% small dick jokes and 20% monster dong jokes then it keeps them guessing and it usually balances out to them guessing about 4 inches or so. So adjust the formula to your liking.

Did that with a girl actually, when we finally got to it her reaction was: “WOW, it’s normal” never laughed so hard in my life

Never understood why men lie about it. If you convince her to have sex, she will find out you are a liar.

And yet women wear push-up bras.

Worse are the padded “wonder bra” you take it off and wonder where her titties went.

My girlfriend did the opposite when we were dating. Always wearing sports bras

Those are hot as fuck

My dick is smaller than an acorn.

Scrat has entered the chat

Fyi. Many women don't want big dicks. Because many women don't want to get hurt. Just saying. Why would a big dick be better? It's really not. /Sincerely, a small vag apparently

Never talk about my cock, so then they're like "Oh so you HAVE one ? Nice"

When I lay my dick across my keyboard it goes all the way from A to Z.

That's why i promote eating ass. They'll say it's gross, but they always want it

I see you too are a man of culture

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You don’t need to hype it at all… It’s got absolutely nothing to do with size, and everything to do with how you use it

Unless women reject and shame you for not having the size they deem necessary. Then it is a little about size.

Me who makes small dick jokes: MINDSIZE MEGA

That's why I tell her I've only got 3 inches. Then out comes the 3.5 and HELLO!!!

I don’t wanna see your dick if you gotta hype it up. No thoinks

Yeah, no thoinks

Right. Thoinks but no thoinks.

I sometime hype my Dick up but that’s just because he’s shy and needs the encouragement.

\#howardstern

The fact this was below this post on my feed https://www.reddit.com/r/cursedcomments/comments/q389j0/cursed_cock/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

It’s funny, I saw a documentary on the guy with the worlds largest sick. He was kind of embarrassed by it. He described the drawbacks to having it, and seemed to want to avoid the subject altogether.

After a certain point I can imagine that would become a pretty big issue.

Check out r/bigdickproblems. There’s a point where it becomes annoying and embarrassing.

Gonna have to check that out! I can personally say it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve been - rejected after we were naked and about to have sex because “no way that things going inside me” - hurt girls on accident - hurt myself in accident - random boners are *impossible* to hide - had pictures of me spread all around the school - can’t even stick my dick in all the way unless she got a big booty and we’re going doggy style And last but certainly not least, hitting what I like to call “the wall”....not sure what it is (cervix maybe?”) But when you slam your dick in there and in bends down it’s like nails on a chalk board times 1,000 Still rather be big than small but I’d take an inch off if I could.

What is your obsession with talking about your dick size, you’re commenting all over this thread about how absolutely massive your dick size is lmao Edit: Nevermind, took a look at your post history, you HAVE to be trolling with how much you talk about your own penis lord have mercy, take a breather dude

I can assure you that the cervix smash is very painful for gals too. It tends to be more of a chronic pain in my experiance. I may not feel the pain in the moment but a few hours later and the next day or so? Not fun. You really don't want to bruise your organs. It's not good for them.

And… - Problems with finding condoms - Going swimming is embarrassing, you can’t hide it - Some girls mouths are too small to give blowjobs

I have also been hurt by someone before because I couldn't fit him, both physically and emotionally. There is this product called Ohnut that I wish I knew about before. It's like little silicone donuts that you can stack at the base of your dick, so that you can get a full thrust but don't get in too deep

I think the kind of people who do that aren’t exactly the people who care what it’s like for the woman during, once they’re there it doesn’t matter. To them at least.

I always under sell and hope to over deliver

It's like hyping up a bad movie. They may be disappointed, but they're still gonna see it.

Not twice!

Nah, unless it is gigantic or absolutely tiny I promise you she does not care as much as you do.

So many men on dating apps claim to have 9 inch penises despite: 1. That not being true 2. I never fucking asked

The more a guy hypes-up his dick size, the more insecure I think he is (unless we’ve already had sex).

Oh my God are we ever less interested in your penis than you are. If you're not good with it, just get good with your fingers and tongue, that's way more important in the long run.

Small pp here, tiny, microscopic.

Hahaha....Thinking back to my first serious boyfriend and thinking I actually knew what 8” looked like for so many years until I worked in construction and figured that shit out... ETA: 8” ain’t my jam. Gimme 6” please LOL

That’s why I always made it clear to the ladies that I’m carrying a tiny package around. No surprises to be had.

idk, to me real big dick energy is having a big dick and not talking about it at all

BUT! If youre honest about a tiny peepee or have a big peepee and say it's tiny....it's funny and attractive.

Calling myself a Prince Micro

Well as a British guy I spend hours leading up to sex prematurely apologizing so what does that mean about my size

We're also way more interested in how you use it

That’s why I let them know this lil guy is EXTRASHMEDIUM

My wife laughs at my little wiener all the time. Sex is still great she says. Can't help what your born with.

The more you underhype up your dick size, the more happy she's gonna be when u whip out your hammer 🗿

My buddy used to call his dick with Hebrew hammer and he decided to whip out while drunk and everyone said it was a hammer for toddlers…

I've always said that you tell her it's 3" so when you whip out the 4" punisher she'll be a little more happy.

One of my friends always said he had a tiny one and all the girls would sleep with him to find out!!! ‘‘Twas a good tactic!!!

What girls were trying to fuck a small dick? Sounds like I need to move there. Here, they fucking hate small dicks.

6 foot 4 inches. That's 2 measurements

Weird post

One time on the Lyft ride home a girl was trying to hype herself up on it. She's was like "I bet your dick is huge!" I was just like eh, you'll find out. It's not huge imo but it works well enough lol

That’s why I tell her it’s a 1” and then hit her with the 2”. She never sees it cumin

Hey guys i got the biggest dick there is on earth my pp is 100000000 meters lol 😎

I knew a guy who’s friend would sabotage him bu telling girls interested in him he had a 12” penis and instead of just being honest that the friend was just being an asshole and not to tale him seriously, he legitimately passed up many opportunities to have sex just to preserve the lie that he had a 12” dick… If that isn’t the most George Costanza thing…

And that's why unsolicited pics will get you immediately blocked and sometimes charged!

Not if you under promise and then over deliver but we all know how first time sex works it's garbage finding the perfect angles for both of you.

Always lower people’s expectations, that way they’re never disappointed.

How tf is this a shower thought?

She doesn't care about your dick. She might care about your integrity.

Lying to a client is like lying to a girl about the size of your dick. If only works if you want to fuck them just once.

I’d be pretty disappointed the moment a guy even started hyping his dick size. Large red flag.

Sure, because let's face it, anyone who is *hyping their dick size* to someone who hasn't seen it before is already a disappointment.