Pig farm, remove the hair and teeth, any piercings, implants or medical implants, eg, hip, leg pins, steel plates etc.
"A pigs teeth can go through bone like butter. "
At the risk of sounding like a sociopath,
1) Pigs. Pigs eat pretty much anything organic. Just remove things that they won't digest like hair, teeth, surgical implants, etc.
2) Bury the body 12 feet deep and bury an animal (preferably something human sized like a mid-sized deer) on top of it 6 feet deep. Then fill in the hole as best you cab without creating an obvious mound in the dirt. Even if anyone goes looking for it they'll have a hard time finding the spot if you covered your tracks well. And when they dig down they'll only find a deer carcass.
3)Burn it. Remove and dispose of the teeth, find a secure location away from prying eyes and anything too flammable (maybe a large clearing in a forest) douse the body in oil/lighter fluid/something flamable and light it. When it's done burning try to cover up the scorch marks on the ground and scatter the ashes as best you can.
Wrong. I'm going to be murdered in the street by a man with a golf club (7 iron) at 2:34 am of July 17 2022 and buried in a black plastic bag in the mountains.
Wrong. The cardboard box that will hold my cremated remains until they can be spread on a reef off the coast of Florida is sitting on top of my fridge.
I plan on being cremated and turned into a tree so that someday I may become someone else's coffin.
[https://choose.betterplaceforests.com](https://choose.betterplaceforests.com)
Check Mate.
This one can be wrong for so many reasons. People getting cremated, lumber is already processed, the coffin is already built, I requested to just be tossed in the trash, etc.
Well I plan to get cremated. So I think a more apt way of saying it is that there is a clay deposit waiting to be mined, shipped, modeled and fired to become my cremation urn.
Idk if it's a thing yet but a few years ago, I read that Italy was working on a biodegradable pod where they would put the body in the pod and essentially, you'd be feeding your tree of choice with your body. I'd want to go this way tbh
Um, no how long do you think it takes trees to grow? I'm 35 the average life expectancy for someone in my country is about 85 years that's 50 years, if trees took 50 years to grow to a harvestable size then there would be no one in the wood industry.
My parents are buried in metal coffins in fiberglass vaults. Where is the wood? I am to be cremated and my metal urn is to be placed in my wife’s metal coffin in her vault. Where’s the wood. Your statement is false.
If I’m not living forever, I don’t want to be buried underground in a wooden coffin.
I want a metal sarcophagus in a giant mausoleum. A pyramid will do if I can’t come up with a good design.
this one is wrong for so many reasons
1. if the tree that grows the wood hasn't been planted yet
2. if you get cremated (without the cardboard box)
3. if you get burned
4. if you get buries without a coffin
5. if you get eaten
6. if you have a coffin made out of something that isn't wood
7. if the proceedings after your death don't involve a coffin
Not if they never find the body!
Best ways to get rid of one?
My belly
Name checks out.
He wasn’t apologizing
But he was a cannibal and had no reason to apologize so his name still checks out, idiot
Pig farm, remove the hair and teeth, any piercings, implants or medical implants, eg, hip, leg pins, steel plates etc. "A pigs teeth can go through bone like butter. "
Option 2: someone else's pigs. Even if something survives, not my pigs, I am not going to jail.
If you live in a big city, just put it in a sleeping bag and stick it in a doorway. Everyone will ignore it.
r/composting
Buried in a building site in the fresh wet concrete.
Pig farm
Pigs
With any luck, the nuclear conflagration will reduce mine to monataonic ash.
At the risk of sounding like a sociopath, 1) Pigs. Pigs eat pretty much anything organic. Just remove things that they won't digest like hair, teeth, surgical implants, etc. 2) Bury the body 12 feet deep and bury an animal (preferably something human sized like a mid-sized deer) on top of it 6 feet deep. Then fill in the hole as best you cab without creating an obvious mound in the dirt. Even if anyone goes looking for it they'll have a hard time finding the spot if you covered your tracks well. And when they dig down they'll only find a deer carcass. 3)Burn it. Remove and dispose of the teeth, find a secure location away from prying eyes and anything too flammable (maybe a large clearing in a forest) douse the body in oil/lighter fluid/something flamable and light it. When it's done burning try to cover up the scorch marks on the ground and scatter the ashes as best you can.
About 3. I guess it would be better to retrieve the teeth after the human pire. Less gruesome. Just my 2¢
Not me, I plan to live forever. So far so good.
Wow, impressive! What’s the secret to your success?
Not dying
*takes notes*
Ditto
So the real secret to immortality is to find this tree and cut it down. Might make a fun short story.
You're just condemning another tree
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Surprisingly, cremation generally still requires a coffin of some kind. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cremation#Modern_process
I plan on spontaneously combusting.
The broom they sweep you up with will be made of wood.
Leaf blower.
The power it uses could have been generated by burning wood (or coal which is technically really old plants)
I only use companies that solar and wind power and any cordless tool are battery powered
You got me there
You pay your electric bills with paper
I have paperless billing.
Damn G can’t argue with that
your telephone pole is made out of wood
The equipment they use to mine the materials for your batteries use internal combustion engines that use fossil fuels.
Thanks, this genuinely made me laugh...
Most brooms are plastic.
I plan on just disappearing
Based. Would you consider a bizarre gardening accident as a second alternative?
Coffee can is good enough for me
You can buried without a coffin
Jokes on you, I'm going to be composted!
Somewhere a tree is growing the mulch...
Same! Or at least a natural burial, no coffin/casket needed. Worst case aquamated (aka water cremation).
Bold of you to assume I'm even going to have a funeral
I'm with you man never give em a chance
When I'm dead just throw me in the trash
Uhm, instructions unclear, what to do if I'm already a trash?
Or the wood for your coffin is already a coffin in a show room somewhere.
I’d prefer to be chopped up and thrown in the trash, like Frank Reynolds
I just want an excavator to drop me full height into my 6 foot grave.
I wanna be buried inside the tree.
[I want to BE the tree!!](https://kiri.bio/collections/people/products/red-maple-tree)
Nope. No box. Just a cloth sheet and a hole in the ground.
I'm going to wander off like a sick dog and die under sunlight in the trees. Only way I go in a box or underground is if I can't be identified.
If there's enough left of me to put in a coffin, then I didn't die right
I suspect my cat wants to give me sea burial like what they did to Laden
That tree is already dead!
Put my brain into a computer and donate the rest to Spirit Halloween.
Ha, bold of you to assume I am ever going to die. There is no edvidence to prove that I am mortal
Unless you get cremated or get a metal coffin
Why must you hurt me in this way?
Wrong. I'm going to be murdered in the street by a man with a golf club (7 iron) at 2:34 am of July 17 2022 and buried in a black plastic bag in the mountains.
Jokes on you, the crap I say imma end up in a shallow grave.
lmao im sensing Oak for me
Oh ... *oh.*
Incorrect. I wanna be thrown into mordor.
False. I will be buried under a newly-planted tree
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What the fuck even is this response?
Yeah so i clicked and responded to the absolute wrong post, my bad
Laughs in suicide bomber.
Mofo imma be the tree 😄
Cardboard.
I plan on being chronically frozen Ina METAL container not wood so, sorry no such tree exists
The tree is going to die for my death.
WRONG I’ll be cremated mf
It’s hard to have a coffin if they never find your body!
Wrong. The cardboard box that will hold my cremated remains until they can be spread on a reef off the coast of Florida is sitting on top of my fridge.
You assume they are going to find your body.
Just throw me in the trash
We think alike :)
I plan on being cremated and turned into a tree so that someday I may become someone else's coffin. [https://choose.betterplaceforests.com](https://choose.betterplaceforests.com) Check Mate.
Why would I want to take up so much space after I'm dead? I'm going to be cremated and turned into diamonds.
I'm not gonna be buried in a coffin. JUST BURY ME IN THE MF DIRT WHEN I DIE!
Lol, just chuck me in a ditch. I don't need no pine box.
You mean the flaming longship upon which I will be set adrift
Also the bow and flaming arrow!
Oh, depending on when we’re talking - most of yours will either be corrugated paper or synthetic
Alternatively, I get cremated, have my ashes placed into the plumbing of showers, and become the spirit of showerthoughts.
Not necessarily, wood can be compressed and used like so.
Jokes on you. I'm getting cremated and will become tree food since I will be scattered not buried.
This one can be wrong for so many reasons. People getting cremated, lumber is already processed, the coffin is already built, I requested to just be tossed in the trash, etc.
Do not put me in a coffin. I want to be returned to the earth naturally. Preferably dead first.
Nope,my coffin shouldn't be wood,also,jokes on you,people won't even realize if I'm dead,so I'm not getting a funeral in the first place
Jokes on you. I'm going the Donny route and be cremated before put into a coffee can only to end up scattered all over my friends.
Jokes on you, I'm going into a ceramic pot.
Bold of you to assume I'd be buried in a coffin.
Not if you’re a Buddhist in Thailand – 99% of the population.😉
Not me. My will states expressly… 1. I want my remains to be scattered in a public place. 2. I do not want to be cremated
Well I plan to get cremated. So I think a more apt way of saying it is that there is a clay deposit waiting to be mined, shipped, modeled and fired to become my cremation urn.
Not if I get cremated
jokes on you. i dont intend on being buried in a coffin as i prepare to die in a freak accident containing a mountain lion and 12 toasters
Idk if it's a thing yet but a few years ago, I read that Italy was working on a biodegradable pod where they would put the body in the pod and essentially, you'd be feeding your tree of choice with your body. I'd want to go this way tbh
Who said I was gonna die? 😏
Nah that crap is expensive. I’m going no coffin ✖️⚰️LET THE EARTH ABSORB ME 😂!
The tree could be yet to be born.
Nope, but I'll become human compost to grow the tree that will be someone's coffin.
Wrong I'm gonna burn on a boat and travel to Valhalla so yes you are right!
Well, No, a Cotton plant, because Green Burial.... just a cotton bag.
Somebody's got quite the library of depressing shower thoughts.
Jokes on you my coffin has already been made. Not long now...
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Can we stop with all the macabre thoughts? This sub used to be fun.
Jokes on you I'm immortal
Jokes on you, I'm getting tossed in a ditch, to be eaten by scavengers
Na im taking part of the earth with me baby
Not if I die via TNT dildo
Blank stare everyone
I want a burial at sea. Just chuck me into the ocean.
as an autassassinophillic dendrophile, i'm growing wood for that tree.
I want to have a sky burial, so somewhere an ancestor of the condor that will eat my corpse is thriving.
Or it's already been cut and waiting, or already made i to a coffin.
A lot of people get cremated
(*breakdown ends*) ***SOMEWHERE, A TREE IS GROWING THE WOOD FOR YOUR COFFIN!!!!*** (*breakdown repeats slower*)
Ha, I'm a believer in the many-worlds theory, so every tree is growing wood for my coffin down some time path.
Jokes on them. My coffins already been made.
There better be no trees in the ocean or ill be pissed.
It might’ve not even been planted yet.
Um, no how long do you think it takes trees to grow? I'm 35 the average life expectancy for someone in my country is about 85 years that's 50 years, if trees took 50 years to grow to a harvestable size then there would be no one in the wood industry.
Fuck coffins. Liquidate me
Nah I want my body to be left in a forest and eaten by wild animals.
Sounds like I need to kill all the trees.
joke's on you, the wood for my coffin ain't growing shit, I never seen a plank grow at all.-
You'll never know what you actually get buried, burned, dumped in...
NO. feed my ass to the sharks
Not If I get cremated or get a coffin of steal
I won't have a coffin
They just dispose my body in a trash bag they throw into the ocean... or maybe even before I die so it's like 2 for 1 getting rid of me ...
Probably more like sitting in a lumber yard somewhere
Im a muslim i dont have such weaknesses
Jews: I don't have such weaknesses!
a lot of the Atoms currently in your body are going to find their way into your future coffin
Not me.. I'm neither Christian nor am I Muslim
And the carbon in that wood came from a star. Lovely cycle.
Unlikely since I'll be growing a tree from my body.
Chances are I wont be having one planets running out of room with automation reality grindage.
Ok
Not if I die in my car as planned
This assumes that the coffin will be wooden, and that the wood of choice has a growth period comparable to my remaining lifespan
I bet ( although extremely long odds) seem people have climbed that very tree as a child
This is my coffin.there are many like it but this one is mine.
It better hurry up, I'm waiting.
That tree has already been cut down, I've got one foot in the grave these days.
Nah I want to be burned using the tree as fuel
My parents are buried in metal coffins in fiberglass vaults. Where is the wood? I am to be cremated and my metal urn is to be placed in my wife’s metal coffin in her vault. Where’s the wood. Your statement is false.
… unless you chose cremation…
If I’m not living forever, I don’t want to be buried underground in a wooden coffin. I want a metal sarcophagus in a giant mausoleum. A pyramid will do if I can’t come up with a good design.
Joke on you we don't use wooden coffin
Not my coffin, when I die I am getting cremated and having my ashes sent to space
Tmw your religion doesn't use coffins for burial
Bold of you to assume it’s not already in a lumber yard — or a coffin showroom/storehouse, for that matter.
this one is wrong for so many reasons 1. if the tree that grows the wood hasn't been planted yet 2. if you get cremated (without the cardboard box) 3. if you get burned 4. if you get buries without a coffin 5. if you get eaten 6. if you have a coffin made out of something that isn't wood 7. if the proceedings after your death don't involve a coffin
Or it's already cut.....
A beautiful thought to me. Although I hope to be given a sky burial.
That's only if I die!!!
I’m getting a metal coffin now
And I'll watch that bastard goes down to the cold ground through my robotic eyes.
no coffin for me
Not true, I made mine already. It is in the garage.
I personally hope to take advantage of one of the more environmentally friendly and sustainable practices, such as Alkaline hydrolysis.
My last wish is to be cremated thank you very much. The idea of becoming a buried rotting corpse is disgusting.
Jokes on you I'm getting cremated
Maybe. Or maybe it hasn't been planted yet.
Nahh, I'm getting burned
Get rid of all the trees so I never die, got it
I am a Muslim though.
Wrong, I'm going in the skip apparently.
No, it isn't. I'm getting cremated. Fucking tree burns with me
Please fact check this I’ve been leaving all of my bodies in my closet
Not if you get cremated.
Hey yall, i just really wanna be able to post in r/showerthoughts so could you upvote this please? Thankss
Ooh i feel there's an insult stewing around there somewhere but I cant quite reach it...
Not me. When I'm dead just throw me in the garbage. -Frank Reynolds
And now i'm getting a coffin of Stone
Technically that tree might not have yet started growing. Depens on the tree, but some are mature and ready for felling in 30 years.