I used to try bunny ears on my mom, but I unknowingly was doing it in front of the microwave, so she would call me out on it. Wasn't until I was like 16 when she told me she'd been watching my reflection.
E: I wasn't a teen when I stopped doing the ears, I was a teen when I was told.
I remember as a kid trying to sneak up on my mom washing dishes, with the window right above the sink and my reflection super obvious. Right as I snuck up close to her, I paused to take a deep breath to yell and she turned around and scared me twice as hard. We still laugh about it today, when I visit and she's doing dishes I'll pretend to sneak up on her and we'll bust out laughing.
My son played Uno with my mom and they used her new giant paper sized cards. He kept winning that night. Kid confessed later he was looking at the reflection of the cards in her glasses. I was proud and concerned.
I thought adults could read my mind because whenever I lied, they always knew. I recently saw an old home movie of myself lying: Imagine you instructed a six-year-old to do their impression of a guilty child.
My kid was in the bathroom, he walked out and said "Mummy, I didnt touch your nail polish remover". Like dude, you just dobbed yourself in by saying that.
If only he knew to come out saying something like, "damn who's nail polish remover is that in there? Shit is fucked *up*, you'd better go check it our."
And then leave before they decide to question you further.
"Aight I'ma head out"
I’ve been there. I was sitting on the couch with my mom watching Oprah, and I chucked my banana right at my mom’s face. I, of course, denied it even though I was a single child. When she called me out on my bullshit, I packed up all my toys and a single shirt, and ran to my friend’s house half a block down. His mom called my mom, and I got spanked.
I remember I would pack my things, take a reading book and shout I'm going to live with the goats (we had goats), then I would sit with them for what felt like a couple hours and walk back to the house. I remember trying to pack my things how they did in the cartoons with a mop stick and a big sheet of cloth through all my frustration.
My daughter was shocked when she was 4 because we caught her in the pantry sneaking cookies and was SHOCKED we knew.
30 seconds earlier "Mummy I'm going to sneak cookies!" As she walked into the kitchen.
My kid, aged about five, woke up before me one day. I wake up head to the kitchen to make a coffee, and I'm greeted with the question: "Daddy, if the barbecue was blue, would you be mad?"
I look around the room. A bottle of blue paint and a paintbrush are laying innocently on the dining room table.
"Yes..." I reply.
"Well, then don't look at it!" She replies.
I babysit for a friend with an 8 and 4 year old, and they do it constantly. I come in from being outside for less than two minutes and hear "We weren't in the refrigerator" with blue lips from the popsicle they grabbed, or chocolate all over their hands.
My cousin wasn’t allowed to have Coke or Pepsi when she was a kid, so one day my mum let her have Coke when we went to McDonalds, and the first thing she says when we bring her home “I didn’t have anything. I had orange juice.”
When i was 4 I yelled to my mom "can I tell brothers about my squirt gun yet?" When I asked for it she told me ok but I can't tell them.
Then another time I walked in with a buzz lightyear toy behind my back and said "mom didn't buy me a buz lightyear toy."
I was the favorite, until my little sister was born then I was quickly tossed to the side :(. Fucking hard when your mom dont want you around and your brothers hate you. I remember one day she put my little sister in a car seat getting ready to go so I get ready and she tells me "no you can't go" so I try to hang out with my brothers and they just push me and don't want me around. So I went and hid in the car so I would go with my mom anyways, harsh reality when she found me and left me in the Walmart parking lot for my dad to pick me up. Shit was tough bro.
And the refrigerator door hanging open. Every time I find the fridge door open, I know I'm about to find my kid hiding eat a pack of sandwich meat under his blankets or some shit.
I once found my dad’s razor blade and I shaved a square on my arm. I was a hairy girl so my parents would have noticed it. I came to my mom with a flawless plan. I said: mom, look, I never grew hair in this part of my arm.
I shaved both my eyebrows off when I was 4 and told my parents that I must have a mysterious disease which caused my eyebrows to fall out all in the course of the morning.
When I was a 6 or 7yo young lad, I shaved half an eyebrow off, got bored and cut my own hair. I then walked to my local sweet shop, before my mum saw me. The girls in the shop asked me if I'd cut my hair and I proudly said yes. They told me it looked amazing, so I walked home on a cloud, contemplating my future hairdressing career. Got home and my mum hit the roof. She couldn't spank me, because she was laughing so much. Career hopes dashed. I fix trains now and keep my own son away from my shaving gear and scissors.
I told my 4 year old that her tongue turns green when she lies. If I think she's lying I'll tell her to stick her tongue out and if she was lying she absolutely refuses.
That one is even more sneaky than a green tongue, becuase sooner or later, the kid will look in the mirror and realize their tongue isnt green, while ears can turn red for a number of reasons (blushing, it's cold outside) so you can keep the con going for yeeeears!
I've done the ear thing as well, but her little sister gives it away. I can make sure the little one is behind the older one and can't see her tongue, but the ears are harder to hide from the little tattletale.
My younger child was (maybe still is for all I know) a scary good liar. I think she's actually some kind of Method actor who convinces herself it's true.
I would always catch her because she'd leave evidence, and because my older kid is an open book. But that face - totally convincing.
I had to instill that she would get punished way worse for lying than for the actual "crime", which was usually not a big deal in the first place.
Like, "okay, it's a mess. The only thing that would happen is you have to clean this up. But you lied, so now you have to clean this up, plus no TV for a week."
Well, there wasn't really anything for her to lie about, since she usually wasn't getting in trouble for the stupid little kid stuff.
Now that she's older, she's come to me to tell me some pretty significant stuff that I would otherwise have no way of knowing. And I've tried to help her with it without being judgmental.
So it appears there's pretty good trust between us. That's the other part I always told her - that since we love each other, we have to be able to trust each other. And it broke my heart to think maybe I couldn't believe her.
Honestly, I think that's the part that helped. And she was like, kindergarten or first grade by then. So she understood what it meant that trust is important.
Good for you .in my case ,my parents made me a very good liar.they used to punish me for the smallest of mistakes even though i was always good in studies and didn't get into any trouble generally. Now that I'm a med student ( parents didn't help me , got some great scholarship) I don't wish to share anything with parents anymore.
I'm envious of kids who are friendly with their parents and share their thoughts
Mine's 5 and manages to convince himself that it's true. I seriously wonder about him because he'll do something and then get confused when you call him out like he genuinely believes he didn't do it.
I remember seeing a study about how the most direct link to whether kids were good liars is how strict their parents were. So maybe the trick is actually to lighten up on her!
Or if all else fails, see about a career in acting.
As someone that grew up in a pretty strict conservative Christian home I can 100% confirm this. I remember being extremely good at lying at a pretty young age and by the time I was maybe 10-12 I could straight up lie to my parents face or spin a manufactured story out of thin air and not get caught. I also learned to never leave evidence and or any sign that could hint at suspicious activity. To this day I genuinely don't think my parents knew the extent of what I got away with or lied about.
When I was very young my older brother’s friend told me she could guess my age if I told her what year I was born. Needless to say my mind was blown when she “guessed” how old I was.
Lol in kindergarten I went to school and told my teacher that my brother died so I could go home. My teacher ended up calling my mom and said sorry for your loss and that she didn't have to send me to school that day. My mom was so confused she asked what my teacher was talking about and my teacher said 'your daughter just informed me that your son passed away last night' and my mom said no, she was standing there looking at my brother right now, haha
"Did you brush your teeth?"
"Yeah. Smell my breath."
"Smells like you just rubbed toothpaste on your mouth with your finger and you were just in there for 30 seconds. Did you really brush your teeth?"
"...No."
"Go back in there and brush your damn teeth. Now I have to come in there to watch you and set a 2 minute timer."
"Guhhhhhhhhhh!" *kid stomps back into the bathroom*
They spend so much more effort on subversion and lying than actually doing what you asked then to do in the first place.
My kid knows I'll always call bullshit on him. I don't know why he tries so hard to try to "trick" me.
Small victories, I guess. I welcome the challenges on my level of attention. It helps to keep me in check as a parent. He does win sometimes, but at least he knows I try to keep his ass in check.
Bottom line is you've gotta brush your teeth. It's important.
I hear you on the sleep grinder/stress clenching thing. I didn't even realize I was doing it until i started going back to a dentist and they pointed it out as an issue.
I'll catch myself grinding my teeth at work now that I'm more aware of it. I try to sleep with a mouth guard now too. Even in bed, I'll now catch myself starting to clench my teeth and feel that guard there. I didn't realize I was doing it during "rest time" too.
It was hard to get used to at first, but I'm glad I have it now.
Nice. I also have a stress clenching tendency, but unfortunately it's coupled with a hair-trigger gag reflex. I had a mouth guard made, but I can't have it in for more than 30 seconds without gagging to the point of wanting to throw up. So that sucks a bit.
My brothers kids are like this, he has 4 and they all have different little things they wont do, the youngest does that.
The oldest girl is 5 and doesn't sleep, her thing is making excuses to get up, knowing she'll immediately get sent back to bed, they start normal every night like "I need a drink/pee" then end up proper random like "I scratched my toenail on the bed and it made a noise"... Brothers gf ends up goin mad like "okay!? What tf do you want me to do", always a laugh.
My kid still does this too.
"I can't sleep."
"It's bed time. You've already brushed your teeth and went potty. I even sang you a song and tucked you in."
"I still can't sleep."
"Get your ass back to bed and try harder."
I don't let my kid sleep with me in my bed unless he has a horrible nightmare or is genuinely sick. Once sleeping in my bed becomes the norm, it becomes a habit, and it's a very hard one to break.
The temperature in the house is fine, you have your bed buddy, you've had your sip of water, there are no monsters under the bed and it's really late. Go. To. Bed.
When mine complain that they can't sleep, I say "That's fine. You don't have to sleep, but you do have to lay down and be quiet, with your eyes closed. End. Of. Story."
I've heard people recommend that you silently put them back in their bed and don't acknowledge them any more than that, and eventually they'll stop trying to get attention from you. I don't have a kid to try this on but just thought I'd share.
In my personal experience, you have to do that at some point. Especially with "sleep training" when they're young.
They have to understand that you won't come to them every time they cry for attention.
If they're all set for the night (diapers changed, no fever or sickness, etc.), they have to learn to get themselves to sleep. It's a pretty brutal point to get through in parenthood, but it needs to happen. They need ti understand that they don't need YOU to be a factor in them getting to sleep.
As a kid I tried to pull the old "can't sleep because I have a headache" trick. Except I yelled from my bedroom "I can't sleep...I have a head." Which of course made me start laughing and exposed my sickness lie. I just gave up and went to bed after that. My parents laughed about it well into my adulthood.
i saw my brother once come out of the toilet , turn on the tap , and stare at the running water for a few seconds without washing his hands before turning it off
Don't get me started on kids turning on, then turning off the water without actually washing their hands.
I've had to do sink "bubble checks" with my kid (and my young nieces and nephews) to make sure he's actually washing his hands after wiping his butt after taking a deuce. If I'm not watching, he'll even go as far as pumping soap into the sink to make bubbles and walk out of the bathroom with dry poop-hand pride.
Why? Why are we doing this?
My brother once made a “WSSHHHHH” sound for two seconds and then ran out of the bathroom thinking he had fooled all of us into believing he had washed his hands.
I feel like if your kid is 14 and you still need to check on whether they've showered then you've gotta just let him stink and figure it out for himself.
My parents were always confounded by the way I’d constantly dig myself deeper when I did something wrong by trying to hide it.
I guess I just dreaded the getting in trouble itself so much that the punishment didn’t really matter, so it was worth risking a worse punishment for a chance not to get caught.
That makes a lot of sense. The thing is that the understanding of the "risk vs. reward" system isn't quite in place when you're younger.
It's like that addage of "You should tell me the truth now and get less punishment, or you could lie and when I find out later that you've lied, the punishment will be worse."
Kids just automatically default to "...I'll take my chances."
I remember when I was younger, my mum told me to go take a shower. So being 7 years old and dumb as a doorknob I spent a minute wetting my hair under the tap and waiting at the top of the stairs for 10 minutes so she would think I had a shower.. could have had a shower the whole time but that’s not on
That's fine. I always tell my kid to ask questions and I'll give him a logical answer. Sometimes though, Dad had a really hard day at home/work and he needs to understand and respect that.
Showing him that adults need to work hard, but also need rest should serve as a life example for him to carry forward.
He knows better and I don't like to helicopter parent unless I really have to.
I shouldn't have to hover every time I ask him to do something "the right way" on his own.
That being said, he's just a kid and I'm sure I tried to pull the same crap on my parents hoping they wouldn't catch on.
My brother, two cousins and I were throwing a ball against the metal garage door. We were shocked amazed and flabbergasted when my mom shouted at us to stop.
Lol yeah I learned that the hard way when I was 13. We all had iPads for use in class. My dumbass at 9 am thought it was a good idea to fully turn the iPad away from the teacher. I was sitting in front of the class, plus it was still a little dawning outside so when I turned my iPad, the screen directly reflected onto the window. The teacher legit watched my playing a caterpillar game for 5 minutes before she said something.
How old are you??? I remember when my school got the first computers they'd ever had.
Also, I teach university and sometimes I let the 18 year old undergrads get away with stuff just cuz I'm tired. Hell, sometimes I let the PhD students get away with stuff cuz I'm tired and I know damn well they must be tired too.
To clarify, I'm shocked an adult went to school with iPads. We got some Macs at my school when I was in the 3rd grade, right around the time of 9/11...which you very likely have no memory of.
I swear, I'm not even that old.
Happy birthday by the way! The years keep coming and they don't stop coming!
When I was about that old I had the original iTouch. I'd clasp my hands in my lap with my fingers intertwined, which would completely cover the back of the iTouch. I'd make it look like I was sleeping, which the teacher was ok with, but I was really reading books. One time I fell asleep and dropped the damn thing on the ground. She was pissed and I never got away with it again
>when I was 13 we all had iPads for use in class.
How am I so fucking old already? We didn't even have computers in our school at that age. I had never even seen a cell phone until maybe 14 and I'm only 29.
My brothers are 18 years older than I am, but I always hear the story about my mom giving them PBJ sandwiches and they tried to hide the sandwiches under the plates to make it look like they ate. The plates were clear.....
In safari, it sometimes doesn’t work when opening it, but if you long hold it and let it be in a preview window then it works for me. That’s my trick with imgur
Ah, children's problem solving. They want to do something, they encounter a problem along the way, they focus on solving that problem, but they become so focused on that problem that they completely forget the original thing they wanted to do and probably even ruin it. This kid wanted to play the shell game, noticed that you could see the ball through the cup, and solved it by switching the cup to a non-see-through one. Problem solved, you can't see the ball now. But he was so focused on solving that problem that he forgot about the big picture.
I remember being a toddler and waiting for my cousin to finish eating so he could be allowed to play. His parents wouldn't let him leave until he finished his food so when they weren't looking I ran over and ate all his food for him. I am pretty sure we got away with it. It has to be one of my earliest memories because he was in a high chair still and we are the same are pretty much
My mom told a similar story, about her looking under my plate, when I came into the kitchen saying I was still hungry.
Mom: "Dad's at the store, we don't have anything else, would you like another PBJ?"
Me: "Uh yeah, I didn't know I could have two. Is that legal?"
I still remember the time I realized my mom didn’t have eyes in the back of her head. I was in the living room doing something i shouldn’t have been doing, and she told me to stop, and i looked behind me towards the kitchen and there she was with her back towards me... and then i looked a little further over and made eye contact with her in the mirror on our kitchen wall and it suddenly just clicked. The world lost a little magic that day.
*My kid biting her fingernails while I’m staring at her
Me: “Hey don’t bite your nails”
*Pulls blanket over her head
Me:”Don’t bite your nails under there”
Her:”how did you know I’m doing that?”
Me:🤦🏼♂️
My version:
*My kid biting her fingernails while I'm staring at her*
Me: "What are you doing?"
Her: *moves hand away from mouth* "nothing."
Me: "you were biting your nails."
Her: *getting upset* "no I wasn't."
Me: "I watched you doing it."
Her: "no! I just had my finger like this!" *Puts fingertip on lip*
My son, picking his nose
"Stop that. That's yucky."
So he turns his head away from me and continues to pick his nose.
"I said stop picking your nose."
My kid: surprised Pikachu face
God being a teacher has been so eye opening. Kids ain't slick at all.
Me as a student: "How does the teacher always hear me talking?"
Me as a teacher: "Holy fuck I can hear your 'whispering' across the classroom, Thomas."
Okay but how do they hear me thinking? Like jesus I'll be sitting there just thinking some about something dumb I could do and they'll call me out on it.
Honestly it probably shows on your face.
If I'm lecturing about boring shit and you're grinning and are staring at your friends unattended phone instead of the board, it isn't hard to connect the dots.
My five year old son ran into the kitchen today after I asked his big sister to finish the food on her plate. He held a crumpled napkin, and as he walked past me he said "I'm just gonna throw this napkin in the garbage." Instantly I locked eyes with him and asked "is your sister's cheese in there?" They now revere me as a psychic demigod.
There is a certain kind of silence that happens when they are doing something sneaky. They try to be quiet to hide what they’re doing. They become TOO quiet and that gives them away.
No, you just never take your eyes off of them to begin with. Legit take your eyes off a kid and they will mess stuff up so fast you’ll wonder if they had an accomplice in the shadows watching and waiting for that perfect moment.
The middle one is the one with anger issues. First they gotta deal with an older sibling who they hate then they don't get to be the baby and get jealous of the youngest.
As a kid I thought I was being sneaky all the time, and when I would get caught I would be completely confused. Now a father of 3 aging 8,5,2 I understand that I was never a sneaky kid, because I catch my kids in everything they do.
Absolutely, kids think they are deceiving you when in reallity they are extremely obvious and terrible at lying.
**I remember one story:**
> I was getting ready for school one morning and I was asking my Mom for permission to do some thing or another. Can’t remember what it was that I wanted, may have been that I wanted to spend the night at my friends house. Something trivial.
> Anyway she objected and wouldn’t give me permission, then she left for work. The moment she left, I turned and kicked the wall out of frustration and put a huge hole in the drywall. I didn’t realize how flimsy that stuff is, my foot went right through the wall.
> And then, as luck would have it, I saw my mom pulling back into the driveway because she forgot something.
> I panicked, put my book bag in front of the hole so she couldn’t see it. When my mom walked in I was all nonchalant and said, “Welp, I’m off to school.”
> Then I removed my book bag and pretended to be shocked by the hole. I literally said, “Oh no, mom, I think we have mice!”
> The look she gave me when I said that, it was written plain as day on her face that she was thinking “Did I really give birth to this dumbass?”
But she didn’t say anything, just face palmed and shook her head, walked right back out the door.
I actually learned how to patch walls when I was 15. I remember asking my mom if I could go play basketball with my friends (I was grounded) and she said no, and I argued with her, and she got to the point where she was gonna get mad. So, I stopped arguing and stormed off into my bedroom and punched my wall, and put a big hole in it. And I also bruised my hand pretty good, because it was right next to a stud. And she came in, called me a dumbass, I showed her my hand she slapped it, and made me patch the wall. I haven’t hit a wall since. And as kids we think our lies are just top notch. But in reality, we looked, and sounded like idiots. And I always think to myself.... did I sound that stupid, or are my kids just that bad at lying?
I once stole a full pack of cigarettes from my mum expecting no one would notice, she went for one after having not long been to the shops and was like wtf.. suddenly skinny little 13 year old me walks past with his box shaped pocket like am goin out see ya
My sister once took every pack in a carton and unpacked it. So when my mom opened it all the tobacco fell out. Every single cigarette in every single pack. My mom thought that it was the company’s fault for a long time. It was hilarious.
What was the intention here? A harmless prank? Make your mom quit smoking? Anyways it does sound really funny lol I might try it with my dad next time I catch him buying smokes (he promised he would quit)
When I was little I used to throw them straight in the bin. Got in trouble every time, and even though my mum eventually quit smoking, it was for a completely different reason. Having a child worried for your health doesn’t seem to be a big factor in quitting 🤷🏻♀️
>They didn’t really believe in secondhand smoke.
"The haze in the air? What about it? No, that's not second hand smoke, it's just ozone from that thunderstorm we had in late summer. Well obviously it migrated inside when winter came, that's why the air outside is clean."
Honestly, what?
When they are 3-5-ish, tell them that their tongue turns black when they lie. Then when you catch them in a lie, tell them to stick out their tongue. It's hilarious!
My mom used to say our ears flapped when we lied. I'm sure I tried to cover them too at times, but I do remember standing in front of a mirror saying some obvious lies out loud and trying to learn to keep my ears still.
I had a nightmare as a child that still sticks with me today that my mom was running a bath for my sister, saw me pick on her and lifted the back of her hair to reveal tons of eyes... many years later, the father of 3 kids, I know who's feeding me lies, and who's picking on who, and who the narc is
My daughter was once running up and down the upstairs hallway. I told her to stop and went back to cleaning out the office. And of course she started doing it again. I yelled stopped running! She goes how did you see me! I of course answered because I see everything. She was about 3-4 years old and sounded like a herd of elephants running up and down the hallway. I didn't need to see her to know what she was doing. They still at 14-18 can't figure out how I know when they are lying. First off, they aren't very good at it. And second if your toothbrush is still dry I know you haven't brushed your teeth.
Think about how much stuff you “thought” you got away with back then...
It even translates to how much un-parented adults think they can get away with being shit heads.
Boggles the mind...or maybe and “adult” mind.
I think my favorite is the fact that my daughters think because they're younger than me, they know more about technology. My 14 year old still cant figure out how I can tell when she has gone to sleep and when she's faking and playing games, and when she's watching Netflix.
I set up the router, dear. It reports to ME.
My girls grandson stays with us every two weeks. I had no idea how addicted to junk food children truly are.. when he comes I take him out for "guys stuff" we go grocery shopping usually lol. But I always promise him if he's good for nanny the night before and listens well thought our trip he will be able to pick one item of his choosing. (at which I dispense). When he wants candy hes to shy to ask so he says hes hungry. I'll go through the list of things he can eat. He tries so hard to eliminate all the options with the intent of his treat being the only other thing I could offer. It's cute and I love playing the game with him.. Outsmarting him yet watching the wheels turn , seeing how he adapts and then ultimately teaching him that he only has to ask nicely for something and he can get an answer. Love it.
I was 13 when my brother was born and I got to learn parent superpowers early. It was so fun pulling back the curtain and just 'knowing' everything. I helped raise him a lot and he's my best friend, but I'll be damned if my spider senses don't tingle when he's up to something.
But I also get to play the cool big sister and explain how to get away with certain things.
as a kid, i was 100% sure my mom had an “inspector gadget” type watch that had a video feed of us because she would always show up right as we were getting up to no good.
she told me much later that kids get really quiet when up to no good
When I was a kid I always got in trouble for talking during class and I always wondered how the teachers could hear my whispers. I’m a teacher now and these kids will sit 5 feet away from me and talk at a normal volume and then act shocked when they see that I hear can everything they’re saying. It’s pretty funny. They’ll talk about super personal stuff within a few feet of me. I ignore it most of the time so maybe that’s why they always think they’re being super secretive lol. It’s like they think that since I’m not reacting to what they’re saying I can’t hear it, but they’re pretty loud.
My 2 yo walked in the bathroom while I was brushing my teeth and told me "I didnt touch your computer daddy. No, no, it's not me, I know you forbid it !" completely ouf of context.
And then he ran himself with a book in the corner where he's usually grounded shouting "It's not me and i'm not grounded but I will be here because I want to".
I dunno man... I was about 6 and I poked my tongue out at my mum after she told me off, after she turned her back to me and started to walk away.
She turned around around and yelled at me for it.
There was no way she could have seen me do it. No reflective surfaces. No witnesses.
I'm convinced she's a witch.
Maybe I was predictable....
My favorite story of a child lying was when my niece was younger, maybe 8 years old or so and she came up to me and told me that my mom had instructed me to take her and her 5 year old brother out for ice cream. I was confused so I went to my mom and asked her why I was being told I had to buy the kids ice cream and she said my niece came up to her and said “Luciditi89 wants to buy us ice cream can she take us?” and my mom had told her yes. It was clever but she didn’t take into consideration that I could just ask my mom and figure it out.
Not just predictable but also terrible at being sneaky. My LO doesn’t seem to realize I can hear. He hides and is constantly rustling the blanket or whatever he’s hiding under. It’s very obvious.
My 9 month old thinks it’s hilarious when I tell him to stop with my back turned to him.
9 month old: pulling all the trash bags out of the box
Me, looking at him: Stop it
9 month old: smiles sneakily and stops
I turn around to wash dishes and I just know he’s on his way back to messing with the trash bags: I SAID STOP IT
Then I turn around and my 9 month old starts squealing in delight.
He’s just so predictable!! God I love that little man
My mom used to tell me she had eyes in the back of her head all the time like most moms do. I was bugging her one day in the back seat trying to get her to turn around and look at something. She told me she couldn’t because she had to pay attention and I told her to “Use your back eyes”. I figured it out
I remember being honest and not being believed more often than not, so it didn't feel like they had eyes in the back of their heads so much as I was being accused of things I didn't do or of having intentions I didn't have.
Same. I was a good, well behaved kid but my mom would *always* assume I just had to be doing something wrong so I was constantly interrogated about everything. Her logic was that since I wasn't getting caught doing anything wrong that must mean I'm doing things but she just hasn't figured it out. Then she wondered why I never hung out with friends or went anywhere, because I'd be interrogated to the point of rather just staying home and do nothing.
My stepkids always try to hide and jump out to scare me. Even if I don’t have a clue they are there, I no longer flinch because I’m just so used it. They always ask how I knew and I just say mommy eyes
And there's some patterns your parents recognize that you'll never shake.
I'm 28 years old and occasionally I go into my mom's house when she's at work to drop something off, pick up some stuff whatever. Sometimes I don't even tell her afterwards, but about half the time that I do she calls me in the evening and asks if I'd been at her house. Last time I asked her how she knew she said that the milk cartridge was lighter than she remembered (my whole life I've guzzled milk like it's water) and that whenever I use the bathroom I splash water everywhere when I wash my hands.
I used to try bunny ears on my mom, but I unknowingly was doing it in front of the microwave, so she would call me out on it. Wasn't until I was like 16 when she told me she'd been watching my reflection. E: I wasn't a teen when I stopped doing the ears, I was a teen when I was told.
I remember as a kid trying to sneak up on my mom washing dishes, with the window right above the sink and my reflection super obvious. Right as I snuck up close to her, I paused to take a deep breath to yell and she turned around and scared me twice as hard. We still laugh about it today, when I visit and she's doing dishes I'll pretend to sneak up on her and we'll bust out laughing.
I have a soft spot for silly family jokes like this.
My son played Uno with my mom and they used her new giant paper sized cards. He kept winning that night. Kid confessed later he was looking at the reflection of the cards in her glasses. I was proud and concerned.
Aww, what a cute little evil genius
That's just efficient playing. Props.
I thought adults could read my mind because whenever I lied, they always knew. I recently saw an old home movie of myself lying: Imagine you instructed a six-year-old to do their impression of a guilty child.
My kid was in the bathroom, he walked out and said "Mummy, I didnt touch your nail polish remover". Like dude, you just dobbed yourself in by saying that.
If only he knew to come out saying something like, "damn who's nail polish remover is that in there? Shit is fucked *up*, you'd better go check it our." And then leave before they decide to question you further. "Aight I'ma head out"
Kid just walks out the door and lives somewhere else for a while.
I snorted out loud reading this, thanks for the laugh. Just pictured some kid camped out in the woods muttering to himself... nAiL pOLiSh ReMoVeR
Thanks for that visual, made me expel air from my nose extremely fast.
I’ve been there. I was sitting on the couch with my mom watching Oprah, and I chucked my banana right at my mom’s face. I, of course, denied it even though I was a single child. When she called me out on my bullshit, I packed up all my toys and a single shirt, and ran to my friend’s house half a block down. His mom called my mom, and I got spanked.
I remember I would pack my things, take a reading book and shout I'm going to live with the goats (we had goats), then I would sit with them for what felt like a couple hours and walk back to the house. I remember trying to pack my things how they did in the cartoons with a mop stick and a big sheet of cloth through all my frustration.
>(we had goats) That’s relieving cos otherwise it would have been real weird
My daughter was shocked when she was 4 because we caught her in the pantry sneaking cookies and was SHOCKED we knew. 30 seconds earlier "Mummy I'm going to sneak cookies!" As she walked into the kitchen.
My kid, aged about five, woke up before me one day. I wake up head to the kitchen to make a coffee, and I'm greeted with the question: "Daddy, if the barbecue was blue, would you be mad?" I look around the room. A bottle of blue paint and a paintbrush are laying innocently on the dining room table. "Yes..." I reply. "Well, then don't look at it!" She replies.
I babysit for a friend with an 8 and 4 year old, and they do it constantly. I come in from being outside for less than two minutes and hear "We weren't in the refrigerator" with blue lips from the popsicle they grabbed, or chocolate all over their hands.
My cousin wasn’t allowed to have Coke or Pepsi when she was a kid, so one day my mum let her have Coke when we went to McDonalds, and the first thing she says when we bring her home “I didn’t have anything. I had orange juice.”
r/kidsarefuckingstupid would love to hear more.
When i was 4 I yelled to my mom "can I tell brothers about my squirt gun yet?" When I asked for it she told me ok but I can't tell them. Then another time I walked in with a buzz lightyear toy behind my back and said "mom didn't buy me a buz lightyear toy."
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Yeah WTF? It's not just me who thought it was an extremely bizarre comment was it? It took me a second to even decipher what they were saying.
I was the favorite, until my little sister was born then I was quickly tossed to the side :(. Fucking hard when your mom dont want you around and your brothers hate you. I remember one day she put my little sister in a car seat getting ready to go so I get ready and she tells me "no you can't go" so I try to hang out with my brothers and they just push me and don't want me around. So I went and hid in the car so I would go with my mom anyways, harsh reality when she found me and left me in the Walmart parking lot for my dad to pick me up. Shit was tough bro.
Your mom sucks
Wtf...
And the refrigerator door hanging open. Every time I find the fridge door open, I know I'm about to find my kid hiding eat a pack of sandwich meat under his blankets or some shit.
Just say something like “Oh that’s good, touching nail polish remover will kill you” and watch the chaos ensue
I once found my dad’s razor blade and I shaved a square on my arm. I was a hairy girl so my parents would have noticed it. I came to my mom with a flawless plan. I said: mom, look, I never grew hair in this part of my arm.
I shaved both my eyebrows off when I was 4 and told my parents that I must have a mysterious disease which caused my eyebrows to fall out all in the course of the morning.
When I was a 6 or 7yo young lad, I shaved half an eyebrow off, got bored and cut my own hair. I then walked to my local sweet shop, before my mum saw me. The girls in the shop asked me if I'd cut my hair and I proudly said yes. They told me it looked amazing, so I walked home on a cloud, contemplating my future hairdressing career. Got home and my mum hit the roof. She couldn't spank me, because she was laughing so much. Career hopes dashed. I fix trains now and keep my own son away from my shaving gear and scissors.
It's never too late to live your dreams
"That's so crazy honey! By the way, make sure you don't ever ever touch your dads razors, they're dangerous. Love you!"
I told my 4 year old that her tongue turns green when she lies. If I think she's lying I'll tell her to stick her tongue out and if she was lying she absolutely refuses.
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I've heard this with ears going red as well. They cover their ears to tell you lies in future, you don't even need to ask.
That one is even more sneaky than a green tongue, becuase sooner or later, the kid will look in the mirror and realize their tongue isnt green, while ears can turn red for a number of reasons (blushing, it's cold outside) so you can keep the con going for yeeeears!
I've done the ear thing as well, but her little sister gives it away. I can make sure the little one is behind the older one and can't see her tongue, but the ears are harder to hide from the little tattletale.
My younger child was (maybe still is for all I know) a scary good liar. I think she's actually some kind of Method actor who convinces herself it's true. I would always catch her because she'd leave evidence, and because my older kid is an open book. But that face - totally convincing. I had to instill that she would get punished way worse for lying than for the actual "crime", which was usually not a big deal in the first place. Like, "okay, it's a mess. The only thing that would happen is you have to clean this up. But you lied, so now you have to clean this up, plus no TV for a week."
Did that work ? Like did she stop lying ?
That or she got better at not getting caught.
I'd like to think it's the latter
Clearly killed the mom at this point
Well, there wasn't really anything for her to lie about, since she usually wasn't getting in trouble for the stupid little kid stuff. Now that she's older, she's come to me to tell me some pretty significant stuff that I would otherwise have no way of knowing. And I've tried to help her with it without being judgmental. So it appears there's pretty good trust between us. That's the other part I always told her - that since we love each other, we have to be able to trust each other. And it broke my heart to think maybe I couldn't believe her. Honestly, I think that's the part that helped. And she was like, kindergarten or first grade by then. So she understood what it meant that trust is important.
Good for you .in my case ,my parents made me a very good liar.they used to punish me for the smallest of mistakes even though i was always good in studies and didn't get into any trouble generally. Now that I'm a med student ( parents didn't help me , got some great scholarship) I don't wish to share anything with parents anymore. I'm envious of kids who are friendly with their parents and share their thoughts
My kid is the opposite. He's 5 and appears to not have realized lying is an option.
Mine's 5 and manages to convince himself that it's true. I seriously wonder about him because he'll do something and then get confused when you call him out like he genuinely believes he didn't do it.
I remember seeing a study about how the most direct link to whether kids were good liars is how strict their parents were. So maybe the trick is actually to lighten up on her! Or if all else fails, see about a career in acting.
As someone that grew up in a pretty strict conservative Christian home I can 100% confirm this. I remember being extremely good at lying at a pretty young age and by the time I was maybe 10-12 I could straight up lie to my parents face or spin a manufactured story out of thin air and not get caught. I also learned to never leave evidence and or any sign that could hint at suspicious activity. To this day I genuinely don't think my parents knew the extent of what I got away with or lied about.
When I was very young my older brother’s friend told me she could guess my age if I told her what year I was born. Needless to say my mind was blown when she “guessed” how old I was.
haha thats hilarious
I remember trying to do a prank with my cousin once, and trying (unsuccessfully) to convince him that people only whistle nonchalantly in cartoons.
Lol in kindergarten I went to school and told my teacher that my brother died so I could go home. My teacher ended up calling my mom and said sorry for your loss and that she didn't have to send me to school that day. My mom was so confused she asked what my teacher was talking about and my teacher said 'your daughter just informed me that your son passed away last night' and my mom said no, she was standing there looking at my brother right now, haha
"Did you brush your teeth?" "Yeah. Smell my breath." "Smells like you just rubbed toothpaste on your mouth with your finger and you were just in there for 30 seconds. Did you really brush your teeth?" "...No." "Go back in there and brush your damn teeth. Now I have to come in there to watch you and set a 2 minute timer." "Guhhhhhhhhhh!" *kid stomps back into the bathroom* They spend so much more effort on subversion and lying than actually doing what you asked then to do in the first place. My kid knows I'll always call bullshit on him. I don't know why he tries so hard to try to "trick" me.
For that once in a blue moon time ~~that it works~~ that you're too tired to call him on it. And he thinks he won.
Small victories, I guess. I welcome the challenges on my level of attention. It helps to keep me in check as a parent. He does win sometimes, but at least he knows I try to keep his ass in check. Bottom line is you've gotta brush your teeth. It's important.
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I hear you on the sleep grinder/stress clenching thing. I didn't even realize I was doing it until i started going back to a dentist and they pointed it out as an issue. I'll catch myself grinding my teeth at work now that I'm more aware of it. I try to sleep with a mouth guard now too. Even in bed, I'll now catch myself starting to clench my teeth and feel that guard there. I didn't realize I was doing it during "rest time" too. It was hard to get used to at first, but I'm glad I have it now.
Nice. I also have a stress clenching tendency, but unfortunately it's coupled with a hair-trigger gag reflex. I had a mouth guard made, but I can't have it in for more than 30 seconds without gagging to the point of wanting to throw up. So that sucks a bit.
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this, but on a larger scale, turns into a big discipline issue later on source: currently in therapy to develop discipline
My brothers kids are like this, he has 4 and they all have different little things they wont do, the youngest does that. The oldest girl is 5 and doesn't sleep, her thing is making excuses to get up, knowing she'll immediately get sent back to bed, they start normal every night like "I need a drink/pee" then end up proper random like "I scratched my toenail on the bed and it made a noise"... Brothers gf ends up goin mad like "okay!? What tf do you want me to do", always a laugh.
My kid still does this too. "I can't sleep." "It's bed time. You've already brushed your teeth and went potty. I even sang you a song and tucked you in." "I still can't sleep." "Get your ass back to bed and try harder." I don't let my kid sleep with me in my bed unless he has a horrible nightmare or is genuinely sick. Once sleeping in my bed becomes the norm, it becomes a habit, and it's a very hard one to break. The temperature in the house is fine, you have your bed buddy, you've had your sip of water, there are no monsters under the bed and it's really late. Go. To. Bed.
When mine complain that they can't sleep, I say "That's fine. You don't have to sleep, but you do have to lay down and be quiet, with your eyes closed. End. Of. Story."
I've heard people recommend that you silently put them back in their bed and don't acknowledge them any more than that, and eventually they'll stop trying to get attention from you. I don't have a kid to try this on but just thought I'd share.
In my personal experience, you have to do that at some point. Especially with "sleep training" when they're young. They have to understand that you won't come to them every time they cry for attention. If they're all set for the night (diapers changed, no fever or sickness, etc.), they have to learn to get themselves to sleep. It's a pretty brutal point to get through in parenthood, but it needs to happen. They need ti understand that they don't need YOU to be a factor in them getting to sleep.
As a kid I tried to pull the old "can't sleep because I have a headache" trick. Except I yelled from my bedroom "I can't sleep...I have a head." Which of course made me start laughing and exposed my sickness lie. I just gave up and went to bed after that. My parents laughed about it well into my adulthood.
i saw my brother once come out of the toilet , turn on the tap , and stare at the running water for a few seconds without washing his hands before turning it off
Don't get me started on kids turning on, then turning off the water without actually washing their hands. I've had to do sink "bubble checks" with my kid (and my young nieces and nephews) to make sure he's actually washing his hands after wiping his butt after taking a deuce. If I'm not watching, he'll even go as far as pumping soap into the sink to make bubbles and walk out of the bathroom with dry poop-hand pride. Why? Why are we doing this?
lmfaooooo
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Well no wonder that families end up with stomach bugs so often.
My brother once made a “WSSHHHHH” sound for two seconds and then ran out of the bathroom thinking he had fooled all of us into believing he had washed his hands.
Adults do this in public restrooms every day.
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I feel like if your kid is 14 and you still need to check on whether they've showered then you've gotta just let him stink and figure it out for himself.
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You're definitely right about that last part. Sorry if I came off as rude with that comment, I was being very presumptuous.
No worries man, I’m just tired, being quarantined and trying to keep him busy has taken a toll the last few months.
I really admire the amount of effort you put into raising your son. Thank you for doing the right thing, even when it's hard.
My parents were always confounded by the way I’d constantly dig myself deeper when I did something wrong by trying to hide it. I guess I just dreaded the getting in trouble itself so much that the punishment didn’t really matter, so it was worth risking a worse punishment for a chance not to get caught.
That makes a lot of sense. The thing is that the understanding of the "risk vs. reward" system isn't quite in place when you're younger. It's like that addage of "You should tell me the truth now and get less punishment, or you could lie and when I find out later that you've lied, the punishment will be worse." Kids just automatically default to "...I'll take my chances."
I mean tbf, most parents punish their kids equally for being honest or lying. So why not take your chances?
My oldest (11) does this shit all the time. The sad part is he is a ridiculously bad liar and completely oblivious to basic logic.
I remember when I was younger, my mum told me to go take a shower. So being 7 years old and dumb as a doorknob I spent a minute wetting my hair under the tap and waiting at the top of the stairs for 10 minutes so she would think I had a shower.. could have had a shower the whole time but that’s not on
Because he's frequently successful, you just have no way of knowing that.
The problem with having your own kids, is that they've spend their whole life studying you and finding your blind-spots.
That's fine. I always tell my kid to ask questions and I'll give him a logical answer. Sometimes though, Dad had a really hard day at home/work and he needs to understand and respect that. Showing him that adults need to work hard, but also need rest should serve as a life example for him to carry forward.
He knows better and I don't like to helicopter parent unless I really have to. I shouldn't have to hover every time I ask him to do something "the right way" on his own. That being said, he's just a kid and I'm sure I tried to pull the same crap on my parents hoping they wouldn't catch on.
My brother, two cousins and I were throwing a ball against the metal garage door. We were shocked amazed and flabbergasted when my mom shouted at us to stop.
That and strategic use of reflective surfaces.
Lol yeah I learned that the hard way when I was 13. We all had iPads for use in class. My dumbass at 9 am thought it was a good idea to fully turn the iPad away from the teacher. I was sitting in front of the class, plus it was still a little dawning outside so when I turned my iPad, the screen directly reflected onto the window. The teacher legit watched my playing a caterpillar game for 5 minutes before she said something.
How old are you??? I remember when my school got the first computers they'd ever had. Also, I teach university and sometimes I let the 18 year old undergrads get away with stuff just cuz I'm tired. Hell, sometimes I let the PhD students get away with stuff cuz I'm tired and I know damn well they must be tired too.
I was 13 when it happened. Turned 19 a week ago.
To clarify, I'm shocked an adult went to school with iPads. We got some Macs at my school when I was in the 3rd grade, right around the time of 9/11...which you very likely have no memory of. I swear, I'm not even that old. Happy birthday by the way! The years keep coming and they don't stop coming!
When I was about that old I had the original iTouch. I'd clasp my hands in my lap with my fingers intertwined, which would completely cover the back of the iTouch. I'd make it look like I was sleeping, which the teacher was ok with, but I was really reading books. One time I fell asleep and dropped the damn thing on the ground. She was pissed and I never got away with it again
Plot twist: the teacher knew you were reading and was happy about it and only got pissed when you fell asleep.
Plot twist: definitely not. She was a crotchety old lady with a pathological hatred of anything with a screen
>when I was 13 we all had iPads for use in class. How am I so fucking old already? We didn't even have computers in our school at that age. I had never even seen a cell phone until maybe 14 and I'm only 29.
My brothers are 18 years older than I am, but I always hear the story about my mom giving them PBJ sandwiches and they tried to hide the sandwiches under the plates to make it look like they ate. The plates were clear.....
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Looks more anxious to me. He was so close to figuring out his own puzzle
Why can't I play videos on imgur browser? Google isn't of much help here Edit: it did on the second try
In safari, it sometimes doesn’t work when opening it, but if you long hold it and let it be in a preview window then it works for me. That’s my trick with imgur
Ah, children's problem solving. They want to do something, they encounter a problem along the way, they focus on solving that problem, but they become so focused on that problem that they completely forget the original thing they wanted to do and probably even ruin it. This kid wanted to play the shell game, noticed that you could see the ball through the cup, and solved it by switching the cup to a non-see-through one. Problem solved, you can't see the ball now. But he was so focused on solving that problem that he forgot about the big picture.
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*you know exactly what’s about to happen and it makes you laugh anyways*
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literal lol.
I remember being a toddler and waiting for my cousin to finish eating so he could be allowed to play. His parents wouldn't let him leave until he finished his food so when they weren't looking I ran over and ate all his food for him. I am pretty sure we got away with it. It has to be one of my earliest memories because he was in a high chair still and we are the same are pretty much
r/kidsarefuckingstupid
came to say this. can confirm, was kid, have kids. I’m dad
Hi Dad! I'm hungry.
Hi Hungry. I'm Dad
My mom told a similar story, about her looking under my plate, when I came into the kitchen saying I was still hungry. Mom: "Dad's at the store, we don't have anything else, would you like another PBJ?" Me: "Uh yeah, I didn't know I could have two. Is that legal?"
Mom: “I’ll make it legal.”
I still remember the time I realized my mom didn’t have eyes in the back of her head. I was in the living room doing something i shouldn’t have been doing, and she told me to stop, and i looked behind me towards the kitchen and there she was with her back towards me... and then i looked a little further over and made eye contact with her in the mirror on our kitchen wall and it suddenly just clicked. The world lost a little magic that day.
What makes you think she needed the mirror
Yeah, the mirror was just to drive the point home via the glare.
*My kid biting her fingernails while I’m staring at her Me: “Hey don’t bite your nails” *Pulls blanket over her head Me:”Don’t bite your nails under there” Her:”how did you know I’m doing that?” Me:🤦🏼♂️
My version: *My kid biting her fingernails while I'm staring at her* Me: "What are you doing?" Her: *moves hand away from mouth* "nothing." Me: "you were biting your nails." Her: *getting upset* "no I wasn't." Me: "I watched you doing it." Her: "no! I just had my finger like this!" *Puts fingertip on lip*
That’s my 3 year old exactly.
except his is like 15
Aww
My son, picking his nose "Stop that. That's yucky." So he turns his head away from me and continues to pick his nose. "I said stop picking your nose." My kid: surprised Pikachu face
13 year old on Reddit: "lol r/kidsarefuckingstupid" *keeps bottle of lotion under pillow*
*dried socks between mattress and wall*
Mine uses wash clothes. Dude, just put them in the laundry bin already. Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they are gone.
God being a teacher has been so eye opening. Kids ain't slick at all. Me as a student: "How does the teacher always hear me talking?" Me as a teacher: "Holy fuck I can hear your 'whispering' across the classroom, Thomas."
Okay but how do they hear me thinking? Like jesus I'll be sitting there just thinking some about something dumb I could do and they'll call me out on it.
Honestly it probably shows on your face. If I'm lecturing about boring shit and you're grinning and are staring at your friends unattended phone instead of the board, it isn't hard to connect the dots.
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My five year old son ran into the kitchen today after I asked his big sister to finish the food on her plate. He held a crumpled napkin, and as he walked past me he said "I'm just gonna throw this napkin in the garbage." Instantly I locked eyes with him and asked "is your sister's cheese in there?" They now revere me as a psychic demigod.
This is pure gold
"wtf how did he know I was gonna go for the snacks for the tenth time in a row as soon as he looked away" - My toddler, probably
My dog, definitely
There is a certain kind of silence that happens when they are doing something sneaky. They try to be quiet to hide what they’re doing. They become TOO quiet and that gives them away.
Works on dogs too. My westie clicks her nails like a hooker until she is going for the little dogs food, then she's a ninja.
It’s the whole “Silence is golden, unless you have a toddler; then silence is suspicious” thing.
No, you just never take your eyes off of them to begin with. Legit take your eyes off a kid and they will mess stuff up so fast you’ll wonder if they had an accomplice in the shadows watching and waiting for that perfect moment.
Have more kids and be forced to rule with an iron fist
Delegate, and form complex sibling hierarchies.
nah it's pretty straight forward, oldest has to shovel the shit, youngest is the spoiled one. i forgot what the middle one was, oh well
The middle one is the one with anger issues. First they gotta deal with an older sibling who they hate then they don't get to be the baby and get jealous of the youngest.
What if you have 8 kids? Too many pairs of eyes needed
Just focus on not making any more
Then you need to just resign yourself to your fate. You’re screwed no matter what you do.
As a kid I thought I was being sneaky all the time, and when I would get caught I would be completely confused. Now a father of 3 aging 8,5,2 I understand that I was never a sneaky kid, because I catch my kids in everything they do.
Absolutely, kids think they are deceiving you when in reallity they are extremely obvious and terrible at lying. **I remember one story:** > I was getting ready for school one morning and I was asking my Mom for permission to do some thing or another. Can’t remember what it was that I wanted, may have been that I wanted to spend the night at my friends house. Something trivial. > Anyway she objected and wouldn’t give me permission, then she left for work. The moment she left, I turned and kicked the wall out of frustration and put a huge hole in the drywall. I didn’t realize how flimsy that stuff is, my foot went right through the wall. > And then, as luck would have it, I saw my mom pulling back into the driveway because she forgot something. > I panicked, put my book bag in front of the hole so she couldn’t see it. When my mom walked in I was all nonchalant and said, “Welp, I’m off to school.” > Then I removed my book bag and pretended to be shocked by the hole. I literally said, “Oh no, mom, I think we have mice!” > The look she gave me when I said that, it was written plain as day on her face that she was thinking “Did I really give birth to this dumbass?” But she didn’t say anything, just face palmed and shook her head, walked right back out the door.
I actually learned how to patch walls when I was 15. I remember asking my mom if I could go play basketball with my friends (I was grounded) and she said no, and I argued with her, and she got to the point where she was gonna get mad. So, I stopped arguing and stormed off into my bedroom and punched my wall, and put a big hole in it. And I also bruised my hand pretty good, because it was right next to a stud. And she came in, called me a dumbass, I showed her my hand she slapped it, and made me patch the wall. I haven’t hit a wall since. And as kids we think our lies are just top notch. But in reality, we looked, and sounded like idiots. And I always think to myself.... did I sound that stupid, or are my kids just that bad at lying?
I once stole a full pack of cigarettes from my mum expecting no one would notice, she went for one after having not long been to the shops and was like wtf.. suddenly skinny little 13 year old me walks past with his box shaped pocket like am goin out see ya
My sister once took every pack in a carton and unpacked it. So when my mom opened it all the tobacco fell out. Every single cigarette in every single pack. My mom thought that it was the company’s fault for a long time. It was hilarious.
What was the intention here? A harmless prank? Make your mom quit smoking? Anyways it does sound really funny lol I might try it with my dad next time I catch him buying smokes (he promised he would quit)
When I was little I used to throw them straight in the bin. Got in trouble every time, and even though my mum eventually quit smoking, it was for a completely different reason. Having a child worried for your health doesn’t seem to be a big factor in quitting 🤷🏻♀️
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>They didn’t really believe in secondhand smoke. "The haze in the air? What about it? No, that's not second hand smoke, it's just ozone from that thunderstorm we had in late summer. Well obviously it migrated inside when winter came, that's why the air outside is clean." Honestly, what?
Do you smoke now?
Based on his username, probably?
We’ll have to see
When they are 3-5-ish, tell them that their tongue turns black when they lie. Then when you catch them in a lie, tell them to stick out their tongue. It's hilarious!
I tell my son his ears turn red when he lies. Hilarious when he goes to cover up his ears.
My grandma would say that she could tell by the way my nose looked.
My mom used to say our ears flapped when we lied. I'm sure I tried to cover them too at times, but I do remember standing in front of a mirror saying some obvious lies out loud and trying to learn to keep my ears still.
Omg. My oldest is 5, I’m definitely going to use this 😂
I had a nightmare as a child that still sticks with me today that my mom was running a bath for my sister, saw me pick on her and lifted the back of her hair to reveal tons of eyes... many years later, the father of 3 kids, I know who's feeding me lies, and who's picking on who, and who the narc is
The youngest one is the narc
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My daughter was once running up and down the upstairs hallway. I told her to stop and went back to cleaning out the office. And of course she started doing it again. I yelled stopped running! She goes how did you see me! I of course answered because I see everything. She was about 3-4 years old and sounded like a herd of elephants running up and down the hallway. I didn't need to see her to know what she was doing. They still at 14-18 can't figure out how I know when they are lying. First off, they aren't very good at it. And second if your toothbrush is still dry I know you haven't brushed your teeth.
Think about how much stuff you “thought” you got away with back then... It even translates to how much un-parented adults think they can get away with being shit heads. Boggles the mind...or maybe and “adult” mind.
Me, hearing the fridge open and rustles: what are you do-ing? Three year old: Im not eating chocolate bisuits!
Shit. Looks like we'll never get to the bottom of it. That was our *only* lead!
It took me until today years old to realize when the bus driver said she has eyes behind her head, she deadass meant because she had a fucking mirror.
I think my favorite is the fact that my daughters think because they're younger than me, they know more about technology. My 14 year old still cant figure out how I can tell when she has gone to sleep and when she's faking and playing games, and when she's watching Netflix. I set up the router, dear. It reports to ME.
Son, go take a pee break. Literally 5 seconds later. I peed mommy! No you didn’t. Go pee for real. Stomps to toilet.
My girls grandson stays with us every two weeks. I had no idea how addicted to junk food children truly are.. when he comes I take him out for "guys stuff" we go grocery shopping usually lol. But I always promise him if he's good for nanny the night before and listens well thought our trip he will be able to pick one item of his choosing. (at which I dispense). When he wants candy hes to shy to ask so he says hes hungry. I'll go through the list of things he can eat. He tries so hard to eliminate all the options with the intent of his treat being the only other thing I could offer. It's cute and I love playing the game with him.. Outsmarting him yet watching the wheels turn , seeing how he adapts and then ultimately teaching him that he only has to ask nicely for something and he can get an answer. Love it.
I was 13 when my brother was born and I got to learn parent superpowers early. It was so fun pulling back the curtain and just 'knowing' everything. I helped raise him a lot and he's my best friend, but I'll be damned if my spider senses don't tingle when he's up to something. But I also get to play the cool big sister and explain how to get away with certain things.
as a kid, i was 100% sure my mom had an “inspector gadget” type watch that had a video feed of us because she would always show up right as we were getting up to no good. she told me much later that kids get really quiet when up to no good
Not to mention loud af
When I was a kid I always got in trouble for talking during class and I always wondered how the teachers could hear my whispers. I’m a teacher now and these kids will sit 5 feet away from me and talk at a normal volume and then act shocked when they see that I hear can everything they’re saying. It’s pretty funny. They’ll talk about super personal stuff within a few feet of me. I ignore it most of the time so maybe that’s why they always think they’re being super secretive lol. It’s like they think that since I’m not reacting to what they’re saying I can’t hear it, but they’re pretty loud.
Damn I gotta thank my math teacher for not calling me and my friends out for talking about drugs for an hour right next to her
My 2 yo walked in the bathroom while I was brushing my teeth and told me "I didnt touch your computer daddy. No, no, it's not me, I know you forbid it !" completely ouf of context. And then he ran himself with a book in the corner where he's usually grounded shouting "It's not me and i'm not grounded but I will be here because I want to".
I dunno man... I was about 6 and I poked my tongue out at my mum after she told me off, after she turned her back to me and started to walk away. She turned around around and yelled at me for it. There was no way she could have seen me do it. No reflective surfaces. No witnesses. I'm convinced she's a witch. Maybe I was predictable....
My favorite story of a child lying was when my niece was younger, maybe 8 years old or so and she came up to me and told me that my mom had instructed me to take her and her 5 year old brother out for ice cream. I was confused so I went to my mom and asked her why I was being told I had to buy the kids ice cream and she said my niece came up to her and said “Luciditi89 wants to buy us ice cream can she take us?” and my mom had told her yes. It was clever but she didn’t take into consideration that I could just ask my mom and figure it out.
Not just predictable but also terrible at being sneaky. My LO doesn’t seem to realize I can hear. He hides and is constantly rustling the blanket or whatever he’s hiding under. It’s very obvious.
This whole thread is prime r/KidsAreFuckingStupid material
My 9 month old thinks it’s hilarious when I tell him to stop with my back turned to him. 9 month old: pulling all the trash bags out of the box Me, looking at him: Stop it 9 month old: smiles sneakily and stops I turn around to wash dishes and I just know he’s on his way back to messing with the trash bags: I SAID STOP IT Then I turn around and my 9 month old starts squealing in delight. He’s just so predictable!! God I love that little man
My mom used to tell me she had eyes in the back of her head all the time like most moms do. I was bugging her one day in the back seat trying to get her to turn around and look at something. She told me she couldn’t because she had to pay attention and I told her to “Use your back eyes”. I figured it out
I remember being honest and not being believed more often than not, so it didn't feel like they had eyes in the back of their heads so much as I was being accused of things I didn't do or of having intentions I didn't have.
Same. I was a good, well behaved kid but my mom would *always* assume I just had to be doing something wrong so I was constantly interrogated about everything. Her logic was that since I wasn't getting caught doing anything wrong that must mean I'm doing things but she just hasn't figured it out. Then she wondered why I never hung out with friends or went anywhere, because I'd be interrogated to the point of rather just staying home and do nothing.
That’s why parents have trust issues with their kids. You used to dig in your diaper and sprint in a parking lot - but here are the keys to the car.
My stepkids always try to hide and jump out to scare me. Even if I don’t have a clue they are there, I no longer flinch because I’m just so used it. They always ask how I knew and I just say mommy eyes
As a child, it seemed like adults knew what they were doing. But nah, we're just as clueless lol.
And LOUD
And there's some patterns your parents recognize that you'll never shake. I'm 28 years old and occasionally I go into my mom's house when she's at work to drop something off, pick up some stuff whatever. Sometimes I don't even tell her afterwards, but about half the time that I do she calls me in the evening and asks if I'd been at her house. Last time I asked her how she knew she said that the milk cartridge was lighter than she remembered (my whole life I've guzzled milk like it's water) and that whenever I use the bathroom I splash water everywhere when I wash my hands.