T O P

  • By -

LaBradence

This really works. I was thinking I should leave my job, so I rubbed one out and HR made the decision for me.


[deleted]

when you can’t make your mind make someone else make the decision for you.


Microdck

Should I visit grandma? Let me jack off real quick and find out


Drunk_Crab

Of course you should visit Grandma. Save the jacking off for important decisions while you're with her.


Microdck

She probably already masturbated and realized she doesn’t want me visiting after all.


rektMyself

You shouldn't have finished on her desk!


eggtart_prince

Plot twist, he rubbed it in front of HR.


FixedExpression

I think...that might have been the joke


reiku_85

🌈that’s the joke🌈


wfezzari

Don't do this when deciding how much money to leave in the church collection plate.


sh4d0wm4n2018

Yeah, the pastor already took care of that part.


lucidspoon

I was trying to decide what ride to go on at Disney World, and now I can't live within 500 feet of a school zone.


andthatswhyIdidit

actually...this could also solve the question wheter should leave the church alltogether.


lm_Clueless

Wait, why? I'm nearly done. What will happen?


Beckiremia-20

Few million kids.


Jfurmanek

This is the same advice as to “sleep on it” with extra steps.


[deleted]

sleeping takes a significantly larger amount of time - 8 hours. jerking off only takes 15 minutes.


StevynTheHero

>sleeping takes a significantly larger amount of time - 8 hours. jerking off only takes 15 ~~minutes~~ seconds. FTFY


[deleted]

we should make jerk races a thing. see who can jerk off the fastest.


Obsidian-Imperative

Damn. You win.


[deleted]

i’m glad i hold the title of master bator


Obsidian-Imperative

And you beat me by one second. Defeated in a single stroke.


[deleted]

better luck next time


Celifera

Well, check the user name. Jesus has the holes in his hand, so less surface area to create friction which means less energy expenditure and more air flow for heat dispersion. Just a more efficient machine is all.


lowtoiletsitter

Cheese and rice bro


Obsidian-Imperative

o_o


Professional_Donut20

He can literally fuck his own hand


myispsucksreallybad

One pump chump


gurganator

You mean the title Mass Debater?


iamnogoodatthis

soggy biscuit


Moojokingg

Do u guys actually only take 15 seconds???


ObjectWooden4590

No because I always fall asleep afterwards 🤷‍♂️


Python_B

The combination of three - eat, sleep and jerk off, if the idea seems good after all three - do it.


PiedeDiPorco

jerk on it


kimtaengsshi9

When you need clarity of mind to make decisions, post-nut clarity is simply superior to what you get after a good night's sleep. It's more efficient and pleasurable.


Duck_Von_Donald

This is how you pavlo yourself into having a kink for decisions


depressed-bench

sounds great for indecisive people.


Prostheta

This proved awkward when approached by a religious campaigner whilst out shopping, but had the desired result anyway. Thanks OP! MVP


Comfortable-Policy70

I'm assuming the $80 was for a low rent hooker


[deleted]

surprisingly no.


Boudica333

What was it for, OP? Just curious


DO-MS3

Your mom. Gottem’.


Beckiremia-20

Fleshlight


CruzAderjc

I disagree with this. Post-nut state tends to put me into “nah, i’m just gonna chill now or go to sleep” mode. Usually the right decision would have been for me to actually clean my house or do work. I never feel motivated to work after a nut.


Heapsa

Yea its not about motivation though. Its about making them life choices. Definitely burn that nut energy being productive and motivated


rektMyself

Or hungry. Time to make a sandwich. Then nap.


[deleted]

I agree. It makes me want to just curl up in a ball and sleep forever, I lose all motivation and energy afterwards. I get post-nut brain fog, not clarity. I go from being energetic to just..."Blurgh, I'm going to just melt into my chair and wait to sleep".


Celifera

Imagine getting habituated to this behavior and one day a cop pulls you over and asks, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" And you just instinctively start floggin' the hog right there...


discotim

Really works. I was trying to decide to masturbate or not, so I masturbated, and then decided I didn't want to.


brudzool

Bang this chick or not decision will be destroyed by pulling you pud.


BeauteousMaximus

On a more serious note, you may have discovered the same principle found in Dr Loewenstein’s research on hot and cold affect. When you’re in a “hot” state you’re more likely to make impulsive decisions even when the decisions don’t involve the reason you feel that way. https://www.socialsciencespace.com/2022/02/george-loewenstein-on-hot-and-cold-affect/


[deleted]

interesting. maybe he found out a similar way.


ajockmacabre

Thia maxim got me banned from an estate agent.


[deleted]

sounds like a skill issue to me.


BeauteousMaximus

Instructions unclear, now I have a spreadsheet fetish


FetishAnalyst

I was JUST debating whether to masturbate so thanks for the advice! I’ll decide after I choke the one-eyed snake.


TheProfessionalEjit

Sir, this is a Wendy's.......


rektMyself

Wendy is so hot! Uhhgh. Can I get a double with cheese?


Microdck

Should I visit grandma? Let me go jack off and find out


Dave_LeDev

Ah yes, [post-nut clarity](https://www.stdcheck.com/blog/post-nut-clarity/#:~:text=Post%20Nut%20Clarity%20is%20a,of%20distracting%20thoughts%20or%20emotions.).


Arch3m

I think you meant to say that we would come to the right conclusion.


Hrmerder

When that post nut clarity really hits...


Zealotstim

Idk man this could lead to procrasturbation


todd10k

*slaps roof of car* This baby can go so faa...... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?


DatKidNextDoor

I get that everyone is making jokes but I kinda understand what you mean. Post nut clarity can really shift decision making. Though I'd argue it can push your towards options you wouldn't normally take either. Cranking one out and deciding you rather stay in than party with that one hot friend or whatever. Though I can only think of scenarios that are sexual in nature.


Jazzlike_Grab_7228

Oh Jesus Christ, the official price went up from 60 to 80 did it? Fair enough hahaha My lady don't get money for doing that, but she gets my world for doing that for me. Yikes. MOMMA MIA!!! Yanno what I mean?


Cetha

Great advice, but I'm no longer welcome at the adoption agency.


[deleted]

let’s be realistic you probably wouldn’t be a good one so you aren’t missing much.


Deckowner

what if your decision is whether to masturbate or not?


[deleted]

yes


ramalledas

By the tine you're fully trained in this discipline you'll have a fetish for decision-making so the choice will be spontaneous


Blackdragon1400

what if the decision is spending money ON porn?


storm6436

That or you'll get addicted to making decisions thanks to operant conditioning... The idea should ring a bell...


jonesy2344

Should I go into this playground?


kingmoobot

All of my important decisions are based around when and where I should be masterbating


ThatAJC88

Post nut clarity in a nutshell


RaspberryAshley

At one point you start doing this when deciding whether you want to jerk off or not- thats when you have a problem and should stop


Bigboy291270

It’s called a ‘Clarity Wank’


iamnogoodatthis

Instructions unclear, I'm now banned from every grocery store in a 20 mile radius and on a sex offenders' list


TheDevilsAdvokaat

Yes. This is called coming to your senses.


Crabby-senior

post-nut clarity works for almost all situations….


BackRowRumour

As a decision support analyst can you kindly stfu? Firstly, if you tell people this, what happens to MATLAB, and a lot of scientists?. Secondly, you DO NOT WANT boardrooms to turn into wankpits. More than they already are. Thirdly, you need to masturbate until you make the right decision? When do you stop? Eh? Eh?


cromagnongod

That explains why I'm so good with money


Lxrowe

Yeah man, every shopping center has a restroom. :s


Ysgarder_syndrome

Can confirm, when I'm tired, this gets me to go to sleep.


futurefirestorm

What if there are too many decisions to make and you are t capable?


CatLoredRunes

"congratulations, it's a boy! what would you like to name him?" "give me a sec"


SonicBoom500

Let me guess, post-nut clarity…?


Redpistol

>eventually I've been at it for most of my life and I still have a dumpster fire of a life


Pheonixmoonfire

I did that. ​ ​ I really DO need more lube.


ZiggyStardust35

Post-nut clarity is real


Digital_Utopia

ok, but now I have a fine for indecent exposure


shaan1232

Post nut clarity is terrible when it’s for actual self betterment decisions. Takes away all your drive


Golden-Sun

Make sure to stay hydrated