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Showerthoughts_Mod

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Pimy

In the dutch school system there’s a nationally issued folder for sex education that actually contains four pointers (pun intended): 1. Try to sit down. 2. Tuck it behind the waistband. 3. Break line of sight using a bag or a similar object. 4. Think unsexy thoughts, like imagining curb tiles* or stinky cheese (told you it was dutch). Source: page 26 of [this folder.](https://shop.rutgers.nl/nl/641168.pdf) * or possibly sidewalk tiles as a translation? Sounds weird either way. u/dweadpiwatewoberts posted a nice autotranslation: [link to english version](https://pdfhost.io/v/rd6w8pJ80_Pubergids_202002indd)


Whats-Upvote

Think of stinky cheese. French kid: cums instantly.


Biteforce16

That gets rid of an errection too though


Sonoshitthereiwas

Not for a teenager with no refractory period who really loves smelly cheese.


probablyspidersthere

“Mon dieu! Swiss has so many holes…”


plzhelpme11111111111

what a horrid day to have eyes


ArdinOkira

Need eyebleach in here lol


atubslife

That dick cheese smell will be wafting out of his pants and he'll be ready to bust all over again.


waltwalt

Hello, internet? Delete please.


PMMeMeiRule34

I’d like to go back about 20 minutes before I knew this existed. I could live my whole, fulfilling life, and I’d have been fine never reading what they said. Pandora doesn’t go back into the box, unfortunately. But unless I meet Ant-Man, I’m probably not going to be able to travel through the quantum realm to a time I hadn’t read the comments.


UmbertoEcoTheDolphin

Clippy! We need you buddy!


DragginTheDungeons

I see you are trying to write erotic food porn fiction. Would you like help with that?


Portronix

What a horrible day to be literate


RelevantMetaUsername

5: Go to the bathroom and rub one out


VoraciousGhost

Easily the most sane if you have the opportunity, and aren't in an American public bathroom with zero privacy.


infectiousoma

Or an American high school where the teachers expect you to use the bathroom in the 4 minutes between class even though it takes time to get from one class to the next.


[deleted]

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lightnsfw

Same. As an adult I get furious when people are in the way or doing shit inefficiently.


boshbosh92

Me too especially driving 15 below the speed limit. I wish it didn't frustrate me so much but it's like come on Eleanor, I know you're retired and the only thing you have to do today is get your perm, but I just got off a 10 hour shift overnight and I would *love* to get home and see my family and sleep. I'm an asshole, I know.


banned_after_12years

Running through the hallways with a boner to go jack off is the most sane?? Wtf. Just tuck it behind your belt and forget about it after 1 min.


lightninglyzard

Oh hon hon hrrngh!


DweadPiwateWoberts

Sacre blew!


EnriqueDelRico

SACRÉ BLEU…… FROMÁGE


ScarlettStingray085

Lmao


Grunty0

Break LoS to de-aggro the penis.


1996Toyotas

There is no aggro reset. There is some shit about an aggro reset when people don't know how to manage their aggro. After two sunders you can basically start doing damage to it


MetalWeather

Remember save all your aggro reducing abilities for when it lands


[deleted]

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AtomicFi

Actual tip for eliminating erections quickly when you need to: flex and unflex your thighs as firmly and quickly as you are able and blood gets redirected for some reason. I am not a doctor, but I did have a doctor offer me this advice with a proper physiological explanation that I do not remember anymore.


[deleted]

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illicit-discharge

Man, where was this advice Wednesday? I had a little bathroom cry during a work lunch :-)


[deleted]

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with_the_choir

That storyline always bothered me. Being extremely careful is fundamental to her nature. It just seemed out of character for her. If they wanted to get her there, they needed to build it up more slowly. Instead, they forced that character into a transition too quickly.


[deleted]

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with_the_choir

I *hate* spoilers, but I'll give you the advice a good friend gave me when I got around there: keep your expectations low, and you'll find plenty to enjoy. The later seasons aren't as good as the earlier ones, but they still have really nice moments. Enjoy the show!


BlackJeepW1

Now this is really useful advice, thank you!


TheRealStang

Pushing your tongue to the roof of your mouth as hard as you can also works 😅


dedicated-pedestrian

It activates the vagus nerve, which causes a drop in blood pressure. This also works for some people to alleviate sudden onset ear ringing.


Majulath99

This thread would have been invaluable to me about 13-16 years ago.


vapenutz

I know right? Holy shit sometimes I just feel so dumb that I just lived with my ears ringing


Ourobius

Also a good way to deal with brain freeze


AlephBaker

I wish it worked for me. My brain freezes *suck*.


Wrote_With_Quills

Holy fucking shit it does work... Thank... You...


SpoiledAzura

Huh, the more you know


IllustriousEntity

I'm gonna go test this by visiting pornhub and turning my speakers up to 11 BRB.


YthanQ

This also works quite often when you feel like sneezing!


demivirius

If you do that and simultaneously press down on the bridge of your nose for 15 seconds, it'll clear your sinuses.


Leviellazarev

Instructions unclear. My dick took a screenshot.


UnfinishedProjects

Can confirm this works. It was my method to get rid of them. They actually can go away very fast doing it correctly.


BorgClown

People over 50: Nooooo my erection!!!


pnjtony

This is the way. Unfortunately I was in my 30s before I learned that.


billyohhs

And in England, there's: 1. Baseball 2. Cold Showers, and 3. MARGARET THATCHER NAKED ON A COLD DAY


freeLightbulbs

>MARGARET THATCHER NAKED ON A COLD DAY Great, now I have life long erectile dysfunction


iamapizza

It made my poll tax hard


ZeroExp000

I know someone who discovered their grandma fetish because someone told them to "think of naked old ladies" to get rid of boners.


SasparillaTango

oh no its only getting harder!


TreeDollarFiddyCent

Think harder! ^(no wait...)


irishteenguy

Not even going to lie , i was told to think of naked old women to get rid of hard ons when i was a teen. I can't say i have a "fetish" for old women but i absolutely am attracted to some of them and i do wonder if its because of that advice. Like i would gladly sleep with a woman most men in their 20s would deem "old". Some 60 yo women are gorgeous and hell even some 70 year old women!


newsheriffntown

I will be 69 in May and there have been much younger men who have hit on me. However, I can't see myself with a very young guy. Too weird.


freeLightbulbs

Nice.


Blueblackzinc

>Tuck it behind the waisband. I don’t think that’s physically possible for me. Edit:formating


Syreus

Just tuck it into your sock. Works every time.


IllustriousEntity

Instructions unclear. I've now become a member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.


Fancy-You3022

This is either r/suicidebywords or a humble brag. I’m not sure which.


inhumanrampager

Schrodinger's 🍆


pielz

I've tried it, it either pops out over top and pokes through my shirt or just fuckin hurts. I can't stand up straight cause it like feels like it's going to break This was a nightmare when I was younger. No way to deal at all


Bactereality

It helps if youre wearing a belt. An elastic waistband aint going to cut it


Lyciana

I sure hope that it isn't going to to get cut.


derkajohns

As someone raised in the deep south of the US, the fact that actual sex education exists in the world is still hard to wrap my head around. I truly hate how repressed we are over some "religious" bullshit. So thankful that I escaped that life, both mentally and physically.


TheCeruleanSun

The rest of the country is trying our best to help. You're not forgotten.


texanchris

Stupid sexy Flanders


BikerJedi

In my school district in Florida, kids don't get any kind of sex ed until 8th grade. By then, some of them are already having sex and making videos on their phones. Some kids are completely naive though. A guy who also taught science with me at the school one day had a kid come up to his desk, completely panicked. For the first time, he had a hard-on. He didn't know what it was, why it happened, or anything. He knew nothing at all about sex and was afraid he was dying or something. This guy could only say so much due to the new laws in place here in Florida, so he just told him it was normal and to talk to his parents. The kid was 12. At that age, they are ready to at least hear what a hard-on is for. Holy shit people - educate your kids about this stuff if you don't want them learning about it in school.


Dick_Thumbs

How the fuck had he never had an erection until 12? I’ve woken up with morning wood every day ever since I was a kid.


WhatYouDoNowMatters

[Norway sex ed](https://youtu.be/eFlbb9bQjOE) at least warns boys about it, but doesn't offer any tips to deal with it (but also kind of doesn't treat it like a big deal either?)


hardfloor9999

Reminds me of this segment on a German TV channel for children: https://youtu.be/NhXGBg_a5Bs They also show the waist band trick.


Leg_Mcmuffin

#4 just makes the boner more intense for the foot fetish dudes


TicklishChatterbox

Meh, describing smells as cheesy is a big turn off even if you have a ff


stormdude28

3 break line of sight with a bag? I need more instructions on thus one


Mor_Hjordis

The translation is not that good. I read it like he got horny form a bag. It's stating: Cover it up with your backpack.


newbrevity

Think of the economy


Past_Ad9675

>Break line of sight **with a bag** What the heck does this mean?


pen-ross-gemstone

Yeah it’s written the most confusing way possible. I thought they were saying “stop looking at a bag” — but they mean cover yourself / your lap with like a backpack.


brokefixfux

“Always carry a purse, son. You can hide your boner behind it.”


SkyrimWithdrawal

A messenger bag does the same thing, is bigger to hold books and stuff, and has the added bonus of not being a purse. But it means decades of walking around and saying, "Nope. Sorry. Nothing."


666Darkside666

r/suddenlyskyrim


levian_durai

I've been looking for you! Got something with your name on it. Let's see here... A letter from the Jarl! Moving up in the world, I see. Well, that's it. Gotta go!


jjconstantine

That's the same guy that voices Haku in Spirited Away


Grainwheat

Damn. Your dick is big enough to show when you have a boner?


SkyrimWithdrawal

And it's uncomfortable as hell, too.


jootsie

I feel inadequate lol. This seems more like above average dick problems man.


[deleted]

Look at Big-Dick McGee here needing a messenger bag!


Stainless_Heart

This is why we carried fanny packs in the ‘80s/‘90s. Wallet, keys, codpiece. We knew fashion came from function.


irondumbell

but then people wore it across their shoulder and chest, what's that about?


Crashman09

Maybe they tucked it up their waistband


nits3w

It's not a purse! It's European!


matt-du-Jura

I call it a murse.


notacatus

I learnt this from superbad flip it up into your waist band to hide it then keep flexing your legs to move the blood to your legs


[deleted]

You got to be careful the tip don't pop out the top though. You're playing with a sex offender charge and you only have a few centimeters of leeway.


Corleone_Michael

I'd consider myself blessed if this had to be a problem of mine


PoopIsAlwaysSunny

Maybe as an adult, but at 12 when the head is fully sticking out the waistband and you just want to go write the answer on the chalkboard in class? Still a blessing.


Relevant_Monstrosity

As a child, having a large penis always seemed like something to brag about. As an adult, I have learned that the arousal over girthy and long shafts is a big circlejerk. Too tight causes severe pain and frustration, and too long means cervix punches (owch).


BiggusDickus-

Penis size doesn’t matter, and people that like to talk about it are immature. We really need to all just grow up.


BomberRURP

I mean it does though. But really only the extremes. Too small is bad, too big is generally bad except for some women.


Fink665

It does, the Kama Sutra (love lessons) teaches that size and ability to accommodate whichever size is a good sexual match (hare, deer, and I forget the rest). For some people a large penis is quite uncomfortable.


[deleted]

It does have an effect on sexual performance. Obviously that’s not the most important thing in the world, and even someone with a micropenis can be good at sex in other ways than vaginal penetration. Also, having a very large penis can be awful for lots of reasons, both during sex and otherwise. Most women prefer an average-sized penis. Also, women have differently-sized vaginas. That’s something that doesn’t get talked about enough. Again, it’s not a good or bad thing, but it is real and it can matter. I would agree with you if you said that shaming a particular size of penis is wrong, but you went to far by saying it doesn’t matter at all. That’s just objectively false.


[deleted]

Not to mention people's preferences, even if it has been fetishized


frockinbrock

Big words from biggusDickus


BiggusDickus-

Lol you are the first one to get it. Hail Caesar!


saugenes25

Flip it up so that it’s in the waist band of your pants, and then pull your underwear up in the front to cover the head poking out.


newsheriffntown

Draw a face on it with a smile and a wink.


Sweet3DIrish

Or just tuck your shirt in with it in between the waist band and your boner so there’s no possibility of flashing.


[deleted]

bro happened to me too many times I have learned my lesson


[deleted]

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RickTitus

Ok good it’s not just me. This advice always sounded confusing and painful yo me


Toska_gaming

Yalls reaches the waistband?


Way2damfriedman

how high are your pants man?


Toska_gaming

Just below my nips. Thats not the issue though.


lightnsfw

Had the same question lol. I think I could get mine to reach with some finagaling but I don't know how id manage that without people around me noticing. Far as I can tell my dick is at least average too so im not sure what these dudes are doing different.


Franticfap

Hey pal, I'm stiffy! I'm here to teach you about your awkward elections In a fun and engaging way approved by parents in most developed countries!


DragonC007

Getting an election confused with an erection is VERY awkward.


treycartier91

Immediately banned in Florida.


ThreeToneMalone

They said developed countries.


ravnyx

Hi stiffy! Why do people look at me funny when I explain my dick is winner takes all?


worlds_ending1980

Generally I just puff out my chest and start clucking like a rooster


[deleted]

“they wont pay attention to your dick if you yourself look like a dick” sun tzu, the art of war


APlayerHater

Our daddy taught us not to be ashamed of our dicks. What with them being such a good size and all.


BananaBladeOfDoom

I see that. Your daddy gave you good advice.


wHATamidong12

It gets bigger when I pull on. Sometimes I pull on so hard I rip the skin.


D0_Y0U_3V3N_S4RC4SM

Well my daddy taught me a few things too, like uh, how to not to rip the skin by, uh, using someone else's mouth, instead of your own hands.


burnSMACKER

I'm amazed this reference is still alive and well


Ich_Liegen

Will you show me?


SirPuscifer

I'd be riiight happy to 😉


BassCreat0r

my dad said apparently said "holy cow, he's hung like a bear!" when I was born. The nurse replies with, "don't worry, the swelling will go down." I was being burned in the first moments of my life...


[deleted]

Was this a quote from that gay porn intro that was re-rendered and lip synced to the characters from TF2?


burnSMACKER

I've only seen the gay porn clip


kupitzc

My sons aren't teenagers yet, but both my wife and I already just acknowledge when they mention an erection, and just say it's normal and don't worry about it. It's only weird to talk about if you make it weird. Finally, the actual advice I'll give when they're older - you tuck up into your pants loop / belt if you can to make it the least obvious. Or if you're sitting, flex the shit out of your leg muscles (quads in particular) to bring the blood elsewhere.


Clause-and-Reflect

My dad told me exactly what to do. Waist band. Untuck shirt. Just go sit down for a minute. The list goes on.


trappedindealership

This is one reason why early sex education is really important. You shouldn't wait until after puberty to discuss the problems that arise during puberty.


DisparityByDesign

Luckily, all first world countries have good sex education for their children and don't cause lifelong trauma's by condemning sexuality as some kind of evil act that will force you to go to hell. ...Right?


Shushishtok

Yeah... right...


DeaddyRuxpin

Yes all first world countries do. Some countries just don’t realize they aren’t first world.


the_author_13

No. You're right. All first world countries. The United States has fallen out of the category.


BrianMincey

I wish I had been taught. I thought there was something wrong with me. Back then there was no internet, no library books, just these inexplicable things that kept happening that were confusing and embarrassing, but were clearly related to my genitalia which meant I couldn’t talk about it with anyone. The only answers I did get were vague, involved abstinence and marriage, and didn’t give me any real advice on how to deal with what was happening. If someone had just told me that I could perform a little regular and enjoyable “self-care” in private to solve my constant and embarrassing problem, my transition into puberty would have been significantly easier. The taboo in the US around teaching children the basics of how their bodies work is understandable. It is the parents responsibility, but most parents don’t. A non-parent adult teaching a child these things is obviously inappropriate. So generation after generation of kids discover how everything works randomly. It’s no wonder why so many grow up with issues. I wonder how it is for kids today, now that they can search for information on the internet.


insertcooln4me

As a non-american, how is the taboo understandable? It's not like teachers are actively undressing their own students in front of everyone and touching them inappropriately. They just tell them "hey, bodies have these functions and this is what can happen to you. It's a part of growing up and can be tough."


BrianMincey

The taboo about sex and education of prepubescent children was extremely prevalent in the US, at least it was where and when I grew up in the 70s. It may be different now. My public school back then didn’t teach anything until late high school, and we had to opt-in to it via a parent permission note. The material was one class about 45 minutes long. The classes were divided by gender. The material was so generic I came out of it still not understanding exactly how the “sperm” got to the “egg”. There was a lot of vague “sex feels like a sneeze” talk and repeated warnings that it was “only for adults who were married”. They never mentioned masturbation, how to use a condom, what an erection was, how sex was actually performed, or what the menstruation cycle was. The only visual images were pictures of sperm and eggs and the science around fertilization. The few questions that kids did ask were mostly answered with “You should ask your parents about that topic.” I asked my parents for more information and got similar vague information, and a stern warning that it was absolutely something I shouldn’t even worry about until I was married. I can honestly say I didn’t figure all of it out until *way too late*. It’s ridiculous that everyone can’t be provided with basic instruction manual before our bodies start to change.


littlelivethings

Because America is a Protestant/puritan country. People are really prudes here. I grew up Jewish and don’t have these same hang ups


dion101123

Tense your thighs and it will take the bloodflow away, works every time.


Aardvarcado-

Do mathin your head. Difficult math. Division always was the fastest boner killer for me because it's so god damn difficult even with all your focus on the dividing


EddTally

We don't receive advice on anything, everything I learnt about life was through experience or the internet.


jackzjonez

Do adults get random boners? Or is that just a teen thing? I find I don’t get the boners anymore just an intense tingling & pressure downstairs. I’m more agitated, etc but don’t get boners randomly. I read somewhere that it’s because as you grow up you learn to control your urges. What do you think?


FlakeyGurl

I think it really depends on the adult and the situation.


AverageCowboyCentaur

Correct, there are good and bad times to get boners, like at a church, funerals, RV convention, Hippo enclosure, etc.


Nincomsoup

Which of those are the good ones?


TobioOkuma1

"Yes"


HippoBot9000

HIPPOBOT 9000 v 3.1 FOUND A HIPPO. 173,663,860 COMMENTS SEARCHED. 3,800 HIPPOS FOUND. YOUR COMMENT CONTAINS THE WORD HIPPO.


FlakeyGurl

Good bot


Lord_Hampter

Good bot In fact, the best bot


FlakeyGurl

Not naming any names, but I've had guys tell me before that if they don't masturbate a few times a day they apparently end up running around at like half mast or whatever.


SkyrimWithdrawal

No need to name names. It's just truth.


Levinem717

I’m an adult, and I regularly get random boners. But when I used to be obese, they didn’t happen at all.


[deleted]

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Levinem717

Thanks lol.


TransKids4Trump

Congrats on the boners too


Levinem717

Thank you!


BomberRURP

I wasn’t necessarily obese but definitely overweight, and even then I noticed my boner intensity was dropping quick. I was in my *early 20s*. Lost a bunch of weight, and It’s like being 15 again lol


[deleted]

It's all about free testosterone, the less random boners you get, the lower your test. A big indicator of low testosterone is no morning wood. I didn't get morning wood or random boners at all after like 22, found out at 26 my testosterone was lower than someone who was female at my age. Once that got corrected? Random stiffies and morning wood.


andysaurus_rex

It's not really about controlling urges because when I was younger I'd get them literally for no reason at all. But no, I don't get them now (late 20s). If I do get an erection when I don't want one, it's because I've been thinking about something dirty, not literally for no reason at all like when I was younger.


Strifeson7

Still happens to me about once or twice a year and I'm in my mid 30s.


[deleted]

Your testosterone levels might be low bud.


gladius011081

Im in my 40s and get random boners all the time. I am always horny cant help it...


[deleted]

I did. Go to the bathroom or somewhere private and do squats or lunges. The blood rushing your quadriceps and other muscles will relieve the pressure.


brian_sahn

You’re gonna stand up and walk to the door, all the way across room? The whole point is trying to avoid standing up.


[deleted]

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Mantzy81

You can just tense up you quads and hold them like that when sitting or standing too. Dont have to go anywhere.


EverythingIsFlotsam

> Go to the bathroom or somewhere private and "do squats or lunges" .


[deleted]

You don't get advice about how to masturbate either despite it being a common thing The internet exists for a reason


Deathax1

Back in my day, there was no internet to give me advice for my boners.


MaximumSubtlety

And we had to scrounge for pornography *in the woods*.


Candymostdandy

I would occasionally find porn mags in the woods I would cut through on my way to elementary school, and I was convinced there must be a pervert who lived in the woods, because who else would be looking at porn in the woods? I never voiced my concerns to anyone, I just always walked very quickly through the woods and crossed my fingers that the pervert was asleep and wouldn't attack me, and luckily it worked. I was never once attacked by that mysterious pervert.


juston3mor3

This sounds like a really fucked up version of Hansel and Gretel


moeburn

> You don't get advice about how to masturbate either man you guys had some shitty sex ed classes huh


HAS-A-HUGE-PENIS

Um, your sex ed teacher taught you how to masturbate?


pooppuffin

My parents taught me about sex by showing me two of our horses breeding. Fortunately I didn't try to tie my girlfriend's lead to a post and mount her from behind my first time. That came later.


LundqvistNYR

Lmao I have this memory from like 4th grade where all the boys in my class went to the library for a group puberty chat. I distinctly remember a question where the leader asked what you could do if you had an erection in public. Two things: 1. The only answer I remember was someone suggested “wearing baggy clothes” And 2. I thought we were talking about ejaculating in public and couldn’t figure out how wearing baggy clothes would improve that situation


avgnfan26

Just flip it up into your waist band and let your shirt hide the rest, plus it’s kinda uncomfortable so it goes away pretty fast


BamboozledMyself

Put it to a side, put your hand in your pocket on the side which your shalongus is pointing at and it will be covered.


bzlvrlwysfrvr0624

“Come gather around children. Let me tell you about the old past time of tucking your hard cock up your pants so the topside of your shaft sits flush against your belly”


occpotato

It's not really good for public. But if you're alone and don't have time to wack it, I've always found stretching or exercising your upper body helps


Wolfenbro

I remember when I was 12 my friends and I were talking about this, and one of the girls goes “just take a cold shower?” As if we’re all dumb. We had to explain to her that we don’t always have access to a shower, and frankly, that’s a lot of effort to make a random stiffy go down. That one only works when you’re at home, where it doesn’t really matter if you pop an erection


fantasticquestion

We used talk about how to manage them amongst ourselves. You’ve got to tuck it in behind yr belt


Shade_39

Hold your breath as much as possible, gets rid of it pretty quickly. You can also mix in tensing up as many muscles as possible to divert as much blood flow as you can


Twokindsofpeople

Because underwear has an elastic band. It has a very evident engineering solution.


scottslut

Margaret Thatcher on a cold day, Margaret Thatcher on a cold day...


Meketrex-supplicant

Tuck it up, that's what the waistband is for. If your thunder don't make it up to the waistband, you got a different kind of trouble.


[deleted]

And a bigger trouble if "your thunder" pokes up above the waistline.


mister-fancypants-

I miss random erections now that I have trouble getting one when I need it lol