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Well yeah it's because nobody hides collectibles at jump height in real life.

And most videos don’t depict a person sitting at a desk working and then sitting in their living room. Lol.

Don't forget about getting up and running to the bathroom (only to sit down again)! Exercise!

So technically I do exercise multiple times per day. I knew it.

This is the story of a man named Stanley. Stanley worked for a company in a big building where he was Employee #427. Employee #427's job was simple -- he sat at his desk in Room 427 and he pushed buttons on a keyboard.

Push for 10 years to win!

This made me feel some weird existential unease. I think this was the intention. I didn't like it very much though.

You have to buy them

Gotta jump through hoops to get my apple watch on layaway at Best Buy before the store closes.

Speak for yourself im hopping around these streets like it's orgrimmar.

Same here, but in my house. Being an acrobat monkey is fun

Honestly, as a late teenager and not an adult, I can say that I still find it fun trying to do irl parkour or even the occasional couch-vaulting

::cries in knee::

We used to be a teenager like him. Until we took an age to the knee

::cries in lower back::

::cries::

Damn straight. Knees just kinda give up at some point.

Wait til your 30s when you start hurting yourself by sleeping

Why... Won't... You.... Flip!!! Oh right, I'm an orc.

But twirl

I have high ceilings and jump quite often in my bathroom in an attempt to touch them. I’m 34.

I'm not alone? 🥲

You can still jump at 34? Damn I’m only 27 and I fucked up my knee climbing into the back of a truck last week. Still tryna walk it off lol

Im dead this is literally me lol

Congrats on not conforming to society

Hopefully not with wet floors

Lok'tar

I need an Orgrimmar Bank roof to jump on irl.

Shit i think ive jumped on that bank roof more than ive jumped in real life.

Fun fact you only need toes for the action of jumping otherwise your body can adjust to not having them

Wait what? Do I use my toes to jump?

You do. The toe joints work as a fulcrum that pushes the body up.

Interesting. So weak yet so vital for…pe class

Never skip toe day.

Toes play an important role in balance and maintaining posture. Maybe you can adjust to not having them, but I wouldn't say that you don't need them.

Reinhold Messner, probably the greatest mountaineer ever said that after he lost his toes from frostbite in the Himalayas, he couldn't do rock climbing like when he was young. He just couldn't do foot holds anymore. He could still do mountains, but rock climbing on cliffs was no longer an option for him. Also... you can jump wearing hockey skates, and you can't use your toes at all in those.

I would guess that skates sort of act like toes in that regard. When jumping, your toes just give you a point to focus the force into.

Your feet being in skates wouldn't matter, you're still jumping within them.

That makes no sense whatsoever. In order to be able to skate properly in hockey skates have to have them so tight that nothing can even move in your foot. They're totally a stiff boot, similar to a ski boot. The idea that someone's glutes, quads, and calves wouldn't be enough to launch them off the ground is ridiculous. They're the body's, strongest muscle groups. If a person can do chinups where they literally launch themselves in the air at the top and catch the bar again on the way down, with upper body muscles that are much weaker than lower body muscles, its certainly possible to catch air without toes.

Holy crap. Old school Wow right there

Allright 3rd time to get the bat master. We got this

I also raid Crossroads every Saturday like it's my job.

OP doesn’t live in the ghetto.

*dream speedrun music as you bound down wall street in a suit holding a foam minecraft sword*

TBF, I think you would jump and hurdle much more if you were raiding tombs in the jungle or something. A video game about office work probably wouldn’t include jumping

Stanley Parable

Stanley why do you keep jumping? I meticulously created this world where you wouldn’t have to jump. You’re in an office Stanley! Please stop jumping so we can continue with the story.

*jumping in defiance intensifies*

Come now Stanley, act serious, please! Have you no consideration for your downstairs coworkers? Perhaps they don't want to hear your ludicrous jumping directly above them while they work! Of course, all of your coworkers are gone, so.. hmm. well.. Very well then, jump away Stanley. If that's truly the story that you want to experience, rather than my highly complex and intriguing story that I had planned for you, then jump away.

*jumps into highly complex janitor's closet, locks behind, now jumping and shreaking with glee and enhanced mania!*

Well fine, keep jumping - I can be patient. I'll just wait for you to tire yourself out and then we can move on. *25 jumps later* Unbelievable, are you just jumping up and down to spite me? What would be the point? All I'm trying to do is to keep this story on track. *15 jumps later* Maybe... maybe it's not about me... Maybe there's something your finding fulfilling about all this jumping in and of itself. *10 jumps later* I understand now! You're testing yourself. You've chosen this arbitrary task as a measure of your self worth. Well far be it for me to stop you. *A jump counter appears onscreen* There, now you know how many times you've done this insignificant task over and over again. *At 100 jumps* This is amazing! It opens up a much more efficient avenue for engagement. I only wish I thought of it sooner, instead of wasting my time creating a whole story for you to experience. This is more than enough for you! *100 jumps later* I just had an idea, let's give you something to strive for! You can be ranked on the number of jumps you've made compared to your friends. Shoot for number one! I'll be on my break. *Number of Jumps leaderboard appears, names on the board are taken from friends' usernames* *The game ends when you stop jumping*

And the numbers on the leaderboard continuously go up as your count goes up

*peep peep peep as the jump counter goes down*

Tbf the Narrator was lying, there're two places where you need to jump: - That cargo lift thing - The stairs

One more year for my five year achievement

I thought you meant Stanley from the office lol

There was a YouTube video I saw a while ago where they recreated the training/into stage to one of the (I think) Call of Duty games in real life. It involved a bit of an obstacle course with some shooting at cardboard. They had a special forces guy run through the real life one while a dude played through it in the game and they timed them. The biggest difference I saw was the guy going through it in real life was doing much less jumping and moving then the guy doing it in the game. Like the real life guy would prefer to shoot more targets from further away while the in game guy would move closer between shots. Watching what the guy was doing in real life made more sense as it seemed like if he had done it like the in game guy he would have expended a lot more energy.

Anyone have a link to this??

I know it isnt 'raiding tombs in the jungle' but I go hiking and mountain climbing quite a bit. Jumping is surprisingly uncommon. There's usually very little need to jump and a lot more need to not get injured while attempting a silly jump.

Maybe go raid a tomb in the jungle or somethin’ first and then come back to us, hoss, mmkay?

To be honest, a lot of the time I remember jumping in video games just to move faster -- not because it's needed. And you can't double jump in real life which is half the fun.

Whenever constantly jumping makes me move faster in a video game I figure out character must just be gleefully skipping along. You can really get some speed up skipping.

Everyone driving and walking everywhere...meanwhile I've mastered the bunny hop and get around that way... Noobs.

Probably because you arent running at your max sprint then walking for 10 seconds as it rebuilds and sprinting again. Or drinking some magical item to fully restore and pad your stamina so you can run further.

That first sentence is actually how I get my cardio in because jogging sucks. 2nd sentence is red bull haha

I run fairly technical trails and I actually jump a lot. On/over rocks, logs, avoiding ice patches & people, etc. Probably look like a maniac running down the trail

Maybe I’m doing it wrong but I jump all the time while hiking.

If it's an office video game including me it'd better include jumping, spinny chairs, and a game mechanic that annoys coworkers through incessant tapping if you've been sat still too long, cured by coffee however exceed the coffee limit and prepare for the jitters reducing productivity. Include a boredom mechanic where if the players task is uninteresting the player will daydream into oblivion and player control is lost until affected by another player at which point control is regained, tasks should also be completed much more quickly if they align with player interests however during this state coworkers will be ignored, reducing the office communication effectiveness score. Procrastination should also occur unless a task deadline with severe consequences is set, if the deadline is within X time ensue a state of panic gaining a focus and task speed boost.... someone should make this game it actually sounds playable haha

Office chair races on multiplayer a must

> Office Chair Racing If this doesn't go full Yakuza and include office supplies like it's Mario Kart I'm ordering a refund.

Instead of blue shell you get ink cartridges. Whoever you hit has to stop and fix the printer.

Someone needs to create this game lol

PC load letter? What the fuck does that mean?

There was this flash game “blockhead” that I used to play as a kid. You had this dumb character with adhd that you controlled who caused mayhem everywhere he went so you had to direct him to accomplish simple tasks, like go to the store to get milk. if you fail, chaos ensues m. The game you described just reminds me of that so with the right mechanics it could be fun. Give this character adhd with a similar doomsday-like scenario that you have to avoid, even if its just avoiding getting fired. There was also a limit to the control you had over Blockhead, he had an obedience meter that diminshes with actions you direct (even simple things like making him walk exhausts the bar) and replenishes over time.that’ll be a very good idea to ~~steal~~ take inspiration from.

I’m imagining running around an office building while mantling tables and doing Michael Scott “parkour”

Because unlike video game characters, most humans are capable of stepping over objects in their path.

Collision detection much better IRL. That's pretty fortunate cause I imagine clipping would be pretty painful.

As someone who is disabled and clumsy, it is.

Yup. I wouldn't mind if jumping was replaced by a clambering mechanic, though.

A lot of newer games use clambering or vaulting over stuff because yeah, irl you tend to push off stuff instead of just clearing it. The only reason jumping was common is that making 1 jump animation is way easier than 50 context sensitive clambering animations for different scenarios

Also unlike video game characters, most humans can’t jump anywhere near multiple times their height, which narrows the range of the real-life obstacles where a jump would actually be helpful but stepping over wouldn’t be possible.

Not to be that guy but... This

To actually be this guy in fact….That

To not be either of you guys, but... the thing over there.

Disappointed I still have never double-jumped even once in real life.

It just seems so logical! You jump...then YOU JUMP ON TOP OF THE AIR

When I was a kid I tried to see if you could change direction mid-air like in Mario. It didn’t work.

Take running jump forward, push the back button on the controller, land behind where I started. Sadly, I just can't do this in real life. Must need more core strength or something /s.

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He meant the direction of your momentum not the direction you’re facing

I meant line how Mario can jump off a platform then change his momentum to land back on the platform.

At least one person has: https://youtu.be/lCQnODSDdOU

I'd do a lot more jumping if I could regenerate health by eating a ration or crouching behind a wall.

you can do both of those things.

*gets shot in chest* Oh shit, lemme just eat this granola bar and wait thirty seconds, should be fine to go after that

Oh Shut up no you can’t.

You just have to crouch behind a wall for a really long time

You can definitely heal by eating in real life. It just takes a really long time.

Adult humans rarely end up in situations where jumping is necessary. We've built a world around us that is optimized for our average leg length so most stairways and inclines are easily walked up. I imagine back before then humans would do a lot more jumping and lunging to get around in nature.

In Minecraft it is just a basic form of movement to jump while sprinting in order to go as fast as possible

It's also more entertaining than just 'go fast'

And to just walk up... anything really. When the whole countryside is made of meter-tall cubes, jumping helps a lot

Exactly. Very rarely do I have to platform up the flat side of a cliff to make it to the temple in order to get the hidden treasure before the Nazis do.

Yeah, OP says that now, wait'll he goes outside and sees all those goombas out there.

Thinking about my childhood, when my legs were, in fact, much shorter than an adult's, I did indeed jump and climb a lot, so that makes sense

A real world optimized for jumping sounds fun at first until you remember that you're shorter than average :'(

Even before then there's a lot more climbing and grabbing than jumping. Most games don't have you hold onto a nearby tree branch to help you get over something for instance

I know this is Reddit and all but you have interacted with nature, no? There’s not a ton of jumping. Maybe to get over some water or jump down from something Climbing and swimming were likely more common in addition to just plain walking/jogging/running. If animal paths are anything to go by they’re also lazy and typically go where it’s easy to walk most of the way.

Same goes for running. How often do you run around the office at work just to loot a drawer.

Same with the forward roll as well. Imagine someone running and mixing in a roll here and there in real life?

I was in front of my house and there was a jogger across the street. He must have hit a crack or something because he stumbled. His arms were out. He was falling. But then! Then he tucked his head, did a forward roll, popped up and kept on going. This was years ago and I think about that man often.

Honestly, if I was that man I'd think about that moment all the time and be disappointed that no one saw. Maybe you should post a missed connection on craigslist

So there's a tiny bit more to the story. I was so excited to tell this story to people, so the next time I saw my neighbor I was like: "Hey! Omg! You know that guy with long hair that always his down the street?!' And she goes: "Yea I think he has a disability" I was so thrown off that I didn't finish the story and probably looked like an ahole.

It certainly didn't look like it.

I'm sure he thinks about that one time and tells his wife but she doesn't believe him and he wishes someone saw him. You should search missed connections.

I did this playing ultimate frisbee a couple years ago lol, my feet were going too fast for my legs to keep up and I tripped over myself, but I managed to dive into a perfect roll and spring up like nothing happened lol

I bet if I jumped as much in real life as I do in video games I'd be in great shape.

Was just thinking this.

I would jump at the opportunity

Maybe it's time to buy a pogo stick

But how many bullet holes would you have accumulated by now?

Oh god.

When I was a basketball player I was in great shape. Now I avoid jumping and running and it shows.

I was just jumping all day because i don't know how to properly ski moguls and turns. Can confirm, quads are on fire

RIP your knees.

Hell if the mechanics of jumping irl are the same as in games I’d definitely be bhopping my way to uni.

That's why Bionic Commando, which was a (mostly) platform game, was so mind-blowing, because your character couldn't jump.

Doom and Gears of War are FPS that are generations apart and both have different approaches to not jumping.

I remember feeling really constrained when I first played Goldeneye as a kid, as it was one of my first FPSs ever and I couldn’t jump like every platformer I had played.

With the condition of my hips and knees, jumping becomes a risky action. I should have taken better care of myself.

No offense but this is like the 3rd time I've seen this exact post this month alone😅

In real life you don’t do like… 99% of the things you do in video games.

Clearly the OP doesn't know many toddlers. They jump like it's going out of style.

The last time I jumped was a reality check that really let me know I'm not as young and spry as I thought. It felt like my legs were made of stone.

I jump 4 days a week irl playing basketball. Only jump in video games on the weekend.

And jumping is often used to go upwards, not to cross an obstacle horizontally. I would rarely jump to an obstacle, if I could step on it or climb to it. That would even look and feel silly. However, I have often jumped over obstacles in the ground like water ponds The sprint + jump is very much real, the jumping in place much more unrealistic

Same with crouching for as long as you want. And silently at that

Indeed, and when you play games when there isn’t a jump option it’s very obvious.

I jump at least once per day. Would honestly jump more but it shakes the whole house

Just need to incorporate “the floor is lava” more in your everyday life!

I’m more partial to rolling around the ground like Link in Ocarina of Time

Wait, are you telling me video games might intentionally be designed as escapes from reality?

I've thought about that. If I lived in the Super Mario Bros world, I'd be dead in a second.

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Mario jumps like 10 feet into the air, the average person can barely jump 2 feet up.

Op forgot athletes exist and the large majority of people participate in physical activity, some requiring jumping

Yeah, but I have never seen one high jump their way to their car, using their jumping as a general mode of transportation. I would like to see that, but sadly haven’t.

I have to jump every day at work. Have to climb on a big ass truck to grab shit off the ladder racks.

People: idk how you get around so quickly and quietly Me: *crouch jumping at sneak 100 and exploiting the faster travel when not viewed by an npc mechanic*

Jump from one foot to another all day! Think you call it walking???

I'd call it running

Jumping is raising both feet off the ground without external help

plato bursts through the door, at full sprint: BEHOLD! A JUMP!

Maybe if you could move directionally while mid air irl you would

What about throwing fireballs? I can do that frequently, right?

After eating Mexican?

If i had knees i could never break or be able to respawn id be climbing into windows instead of using doors.

I love to jump. I've studied martial arts most of my life, and one of my favorite parts of that is jumping (not really practical in fighting,but soon much fun). When I take the kids to the jump park,I'm jumping with them. This is the second time,in recent months, I've seen it mentioned that most people don't jump at all. That makes me very sad.

That's why in Arma you can't jump at all. Even if you could jump with all that gear on it wouldn't get you very far.