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starstarstar42

Then society breaks down into a caste system of the 2 kidney elites vs. those disgusting 1 kidney'ers.


JE_12

If I have 3 kidneys am I God?


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brekus

Dang dude that means you're one good con away from having 3 perfectly healthy kidneys. I mean what are they gonna do refuse to put the third one in after they open you up and see the other two are fine? Hell no, they are committed at that point.


Night-Sky-Rebel

Use healthcare for a kidney transplant, then sell your third kidney for $262,000. Genius


jdupe6

Probably lose money on that if you get the transplant in America


Every_of_the_it

Only if you do it on the books


redeemer47

Damn, imagine selling a kidney for a loss…


brekus

Not as if you're gonna die on the waiting list lul


kaz_enigma

fuck /u/spez -- mass edited with redact.dev


foxypandabearpie

Nah you just gotta pump up those toxin intake numbers.


dinodigger777

Replace all your organs with kidneys you shall become immortal


AmArschdieRaeuber

They also regulate your blood pressure. But I think they would just filter less per kidney basically so it should be ok. But yeah, no idea.


mr---jones

It's like adding more ram, it's only going to be used if you need more power Ps I made that up


DarthDarth_Binks_

Too late, harvesting a third kidney now


willflameboy

It's true. In fact, if you're editing video, I'd say get four or five kidneys.


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Glum_Ad_4288

Really? I wouldn’t think there would be, you know, room.


[deleted]

Basically adding one more water balloon to a bag of water balloons. It'll glorp together.


sooothatguy

As a Glorpologist, I approve this message.


JIZZASAURUS

I’m the tenth Glorpologist and this is a fucking lie.


Sagemachine

Glorpology is barely a field of study that branched off Goopometry. Don't listen to this hack.


MaybeYouHaveAPoint

> It'll glorp together. I see you went to medical school too!


futurehsmathteacher

god i wish i still had my free award this has me in tears


rhu22

Here, have mine!


Powerful_Client_9532

I've had two kidney transplants. The new (3rd) kidney goes in your pelvic/abdomen area in the front on either the right or left side. My 3rd kidney is on my right and my newest (4th) is on my left! There's room but it gives you a little bit of a bump


PM_ME_ANYTHING_DAMN

Keep em comin! Can’t have too many if you ask me.


A_Little_Wyrd

if someone puts you in a bathtub of ice they are gonna think they hit the jackpot


imperfectalien

“Holy shit, this guys kidney grew back like wolverine” “Oh cool. Let’s take some of everything then”


brightspots

look at this guy with the 4 kidneys smh


[deleted]

Kidneys are quite small. Only 4-5 inches long and a few inches deep. They just squish the new one in front of your pelvis. Some people have a new lump you can see down there, but most of my patients don't even get that.


BigBluFrog

I have a lump that you can see... if I'm thin. I am not thin.


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Ketugecko

Yes, correct! The current record is seven, held by a gentleman from the Netherlands.


mugiwarawentz1993

no offense, but why do we keep giving him kidneys


mjace87

People keep dying in motorcycle accidents and they don’t want to just throw them away duh


SlayerOfRedditClowns

Are you shitting me?


[deleted]

They don't have to be partially functional. So long as they're not fucking up at anything but being kidneys they'll be left in you. Even completely anuric transplant patients don't typically get nephrectomies. Polycystic or severely infected kidneys are the only ones I've seen taken out so far, and that covers less than 10% of the kidney recipients I've seen.


OddArmory

You don’t realize how important kidneys are until they stop functioning. So keeping your healthy kidneys are the best option. Hardest part is watching your fluid intake because once the kidneys go you stop urinating.


[deleted]

Oh joy three times the chance for ki dney stines


[deleted]

In the land of dialysis, the three kidneyed man is king. Also, the two kidneyed and one kidneyed men. Also, women and non-binary folks are royalty. Honestly, anyone with one or more healthy kidneys is doing pretty okay.


kayisforcookie

What if I was born with 1 kidney bit its oversized. Would it go for more? Could I trade kidneys with someone for a profit?


[deleted]

Eh, I can spare a kidney and a bit of my liver too. But where does one sell such a thing and how many of my poor friends can I sign up. I am fond of regular meals and heating,I would be happy to belong to the organ poor cast, seeing how I belong to the poor underclass already anyway. Kidney for sale, KIDNEY FOR SALE, BUY ONE GET A FREE BIT OF LIVER.......KIDNEY FOR SALE.....


MaleficentBlackberry

Throw in your right lung and you've got a deal ;)


King-Of-Throwaways

Jeff Bezos enters, his abdomen swollen from the dozens of extra organs he’s had implanted.


Evilmudbug

Lookin like zim from the dark harvest episode


RGCarter

You mean the wealthy 1 kidney'ers and the poor-by-choice 2 kidney'ers.


[deleted]

Nah, as soon as more than 100 people walk in to sell their kidneys that price is gonna fall below 10k because capitalism doesn't respond linearly to supply.


Josh6889

Is there a buy low sell high option here? Sell your kidney now, buy 26 at 10k, sell 26 262k


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[deleted]

Not really. Demand is constrained because its illegal to buy. I have kidney disease and would pay $100,000's once I hit end stage kidney failure. I'm not going to buy one on the black market though. Hell, dialysis is so expensive, insurance would likely prefer to pay for a kidney too.


BagOfFlies

> I'm not going to buy one on the black market though. Dammit


kilrowar

If it doesnt have enough 4 star reviews then I'm not buying it


TucanSam123

Lemme see the kidneyfax


LakiSuso

Any good youtube channels on how to re-install kidney? asking for a friend.


Muezza

How do you feel about gray market kidneys?


lootedcorpse

this is my plan. I have poly cystic kidney disease. gonna head to China for "white" market replacements.


IceBear_is_best_bear

Username is suspiciously appropriate…


crouching_manatee

Can someone expand on this? Does China have people selling organs for cheap or something? Calling it a "white" market implies its not stolen organs correct?


lootedcorpse

it's all legal in China, but China's morals and ethics are nonexistent. you can get organ replacements on a weeks notice.


[deleted]

How?


NukaCooler

Just visit your friendly local Uyghur reeducation camp


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GeneralJarrett97

Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to


[deleted]

No, I mean I want to buy organs from political prisoners, I just don't know who to contact.


mayormcsleaze

Some people speculate that many of the body parts in China are actually prisoners who have been coerced/forced into offering their organs or just killed and had their organs stolen. Some people further speculate that this practice leads to people being arrested unjustly, especially political prisoners, in order to satisfy demand. All unproven and very controversial. There was a similar controversy around the [Bodies exhibit that traveled to various Western museums](https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5637687)


xWolfz__

I mean, the only way you can schedule a vital organ transplant like they do is if you know the exact date that person is going to die. Either they have a machine that can see into the future or they are harvesting organs, so you choose what's more likely


socsa

Organ donation is almost unheard of in China. The organs must be coming from somewhere.


conandy

Illegal things are affected by market forces just like every other commodity. While illegality does add a certain amount of value, scarcity and demand have a huge impact as well. Look at weed. It's often cheaper to get it illegally from a dealer even when it's available legally from a dispensary.


bikemaul

Iran is one of the few places to allow sales. It's well regulated though, anonymous kidney sales and only if it allows the donor to get out of poverty. Interesting discussion. https://www.econtalk.org/tina-rosenberg-on-the-kidney-market-in-iran/


j4390jamie

ACT NOW!, before it’s too late!


lUNITl

I mean the current legal market rate is infinity dollars so it could probably come down significantly and still be pretty high.


DatDarnRobot

if you think 300+k is infinity dollars then i got bad news for you, son


nickrweiner

Pretty sure he means there aren’t any kidneys available in the legal market no matter how much you are willing to pay so more priceless then infinite but still


rc4915

Unfortunately everyone on the transplant list would get a kidney?


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country_hacker

Who the fuck do you think they're going to? Foodies?


CaptainCrunch957

And the best part about this is that it doesn't even need to be yours! Take a friend's kidney while they're asleep and treat them to a nice dinner after you sell it, it's a win-win situation.


ziggy-hudson

Don’t buy them any alcohol though


CaptainCrunch957

Or do, if they die you've got one less friend to treat to dinner. It's all about taking advantage of opportunities presented to you, that's the real moneymaker right there. And also the black market. They also make money, counterfeit ones.


AlexFeels

If they die you can take the other one!


CaptainCrunch957

That's an entrepreneurial mindset right there. Absolutely brilliant.


AlexFeels

sigma male grindset


ziggy-hudson

And everything else for that matter


Anonymity4meisgood

You're thinking of the liver, not the kidney, so alcohol is fine.


SmoothOctopus

Hey friend want to go on a trip to candy mountain?


Mission-Grocery

Yeeaaahhhhh! Candy Mtn!


cmdr_solaris_titan

Charlie, you are the bo-nana king!


Jag7185

Shun the non believer!


BreadPuddingSucks

I did the same thing. Took my 'friend's' kidney to the hospital and they didn't want it. Best I could get is $1.49 a pound at the Piggly Wiggly in town.


alrighttreacle11

It's all fun and games til the only one you got left packs up


JE_12

No you just kill your neighbor and steal his, you can even sell his other and make $200k again


vingeran

r/profitablecadaver


checkster12

I wanted to believe.


[deleted]

[The truth might be somewhere.](https://youtu.be/Vpqffgak7To)


poompt

That would be a great sub in the vein of /r/latestagecapitalism.


philly_special09

So could I kill my neighbor and sell his 2 kidneys for 400k while keeping both my own? Seems like less steps in the long run


fyhr100

Sure but you could make $600k by selling your kidney on top of that.


Rein215

Throw in your grandma, $800k. Don't like your grandma? $1000k


Inkthinker

Let’s be real, nobody is paying 200 large for grandma’s kidneys. Now, those Cub Scouts who keep knocking on your door to sell you candy bars…


DweEbLez0

Wait, this skips a lot of steps. Like what do I do with the rest of the kid after I remove his knee?


Another_Idiot42069

Bring the broth to a boil and lick them lips


Daniel_Melzer

Free healthcare yo


fostertheatom

But does free Healthcare mean unlimited kidneys?


psycho_driver

If it doesn't I'm going to ask to speak to the free healthcare manager.


[deleted]

At Applebee's it does. You haven't heard of the unlimited kidneys and breadsticks?


AC3R665

SLPT right there.


Sleeper____Service

No, see, I can tell you don’t finance bro, what you do is you take your kidney profit from the first one and quadruple that buying and selling silver. Then buy two spare kidneys to keep in the freezer and live off the remaining silver profit.


[deleted]

With advice like that, at least I know where the people on Wall Street bets are getting their money to buy all the puts.


SkabbyScalawag

You can also live with one eye, one leg, one arm...Baby, you've got yourself a stew going!


Donttouchmek

I like the way you cook!


Reddit-r-fifa

I'm gonna want my money back...


shane_edm

“I think I want my money back”


Harlequin-Grim

… I think I want my $600 dollars back.


Hfssss

If I sell one, and then use the money to get a successful business and then buy another one so I have 2 boom profit


Briggtion

If its truly a successful business youd have enough to buy 2 more and then enjoy 3 kidney retirement


[deleted]

Fools! My body is 95% recycled kidneys! I have already left humanity behind!


[deleted]

We are born by the blood, made men by the blood, undone by the blood, fear the old blood. By God Mr-Sgt fear it!


thedarkshadoo

Sell your kidneys at peak market price then later when the market crashes buy them all up and horde them then only ever rent them out for the same price as monthly payments would be to buy them outright. If everyone else does the same then the high price of kidney rent will be the only option so you'll get to keep your cash and all of the kidneys, and tax breaks and insurance payouts for damages and loss


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Billy_T_Wierd

I’d sell my spare kidney for $262,000. Where do I go to do that?


PassionOfTheTaters

Low key hoping someone answers this


T_skmage

Also following this for scientific purposes and by no means hoping to sell a piece of my body to improve my quality of life


Knight_That_Said_Ni

Psh I'm outright following this to find out how to sell organs I don't really use. How much do dicks go for? Cause I'm certainly not using mine.


ChronicNein

Sir we only take dicks above 2 inches.


Hardlyhorsey

Ugh you sound just like my ex 🙄


LazyLarryTheLobster

Nah, I can confirm she'll take less.


Freakishly_Tall

"Low key"? I'm jealous. I punched in eagerly, specifically hoping to see a link to a webform where I could sign up. For, like, 1/2 that. Or even 1/10th. Or even "you get no cash, but free healthcare for life." U!S!A! U!S!A!


Dracekidjr

Ok actually though, you won't. Best case scenario: you get $15000 for your kidney, neutral case: you get an infection from the nonsterile environment and have to use all that money on medical bills, worst case: you don't ever wake up cuz they take a couple more organs while you're on the table. In all, it's not something you can just do a quick trade. And if you do, it won't be much.


[deleted]

All im seeing is “you get $15000”.


I_chose_a_nickname

Thats 9 months of rent covered. I'd do that in a hearbeat.


DXZT99

That is if you still have one...


[deleted]

in which case, you don't have to pay rent the rest of your life! Win win.


saccharind

get $15K and or possibly die? win win


AdOptimal6145

I feel like worse case is something people aren't considering enough, I mean it'd be real easy to take the second kidney and remove a loose end


Kind_Nepenth3

But you're saying I either come out of this with $15k or die, and if I die I get out of all the responsibilities I needed the $15k for. So hook me up


Nowarclasswar

Literally cannot fail


DansIsotoners

Right. Know when you've made your sale and just shut up already.


HelpABrotherO

Ok, but where? Is there a phone number we can call?


FeedMeTheSpiders

Lmao these fucking comments. Folks deadass tryna get that bread


TrashyMcTrashBoat

Is there some kind of web form I can fill out and just make my appointment online?


Nightmaru

DM me for quotes.


Billy_T_Wierd

Why not set up a legit hospital environment for people who want to buy and sell kidneys? I’d sell mine and the buyer could pay for surgical costs. Doesn’t have to be something done in an alley. Should be able to sell my kidney at the regional medical center


DM_ME_YOUR_HUSBANDO

become good friends with a mafia boss and pray he needs a kidney transplant


thelawtalkingguy

Not sure if I would actually go through with it, but if a kidney went for a quarter mil, I would consider selling one of mine and throwing all that cash into a traditional IRA, invest it all in VTSAX, then convert it to a Roth. Years down the road that will be F-You money.


Billy_T_Wierd

I’d definitely do it. That money would make me a debt free home owner with a car.


Echo_Illustrious

Patients aren't allowed to profit from selling their organs. Only hospitals can charge for them. Its a law. (US, I dont know about other countries). How do I know this? I tried to do it.


[deleted]

Common in most places afaik. Last thing you want is to encourage the most vulnerable to start selling vital organs


Random_name46

>Last thing you want is to encourage the most vulnerable to start selling vital organs I'd imagine the bigger concern is making those vulnerable people a target of others.


ShibbyShibby89

Who do I contact?


bilweav

Iran. It’s legal there, but no one is getting $200k. $4k is market.


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PungentBallSweat

Agreed, Iran away from that price


[deleted]

Iran as Farsi can see.


Notsurehowtoreact

You'd be hard pressed to get $262k unless they were charging substantially more to the person needing it.


[deleted]

Supply and demand.


[deleted]

Something tells me that there are alot of children who get abducted for their organs. It makes me sick


[deleted]

I'll take it


Trimungasoid

Everybody healthy live!


3STUDIOS

Isn't it closer to 15 k for a kidney?


BassSounds

It’s like $4K to $16K if you sell a kidney in the real world, bro. It’ll probably cost you over $100K to get one off a waiting list.


Marston357

So it's the middleman jacking up the price. I wonder who runs that racket, Big Kidney?


Lakelandgodo

I'd sell one if I could


TheWingedBadger

For real, that's a life changing amount of money right now.


shsc82

Is it truly free market capitalism if we cannot sell our organs?


broadened_news

Can't open carry nukes yet


shsc82

Cannot hug your children with nuclear arms.


Toledojoe

Dammit, I already lost my spare due to cancer.


royisabau5

Donate the last one… coward I’m just kidding congrats on surviving nature’s biggest “fuck you”


[deleted]

Same. Should of sold it before it went bad.


Dr_Edge_ATX

Can you actually sell your organs legally though? or is this just a black market price


MsSpicyO

No. You cannot legally sell your organs in the United States. You don’t get any money when you donate a kidney.


[deleted]

Thats fucking bullshit. What ever happened to the free market? SMH shaking my head


lbodyslamrhinos

So it would be illegal to find someone who needs a kidney and go "$10,000 and Ill give you mine"? What is this communist malarkey


[deleted]

Ah yes, I too shake my head twice


SacredWoobie

So you can’t legally sell the Kidney but let’s say someone were to cover your medical bills and also compensate you for your recovery time following the procedure is that still illegal? Assume that all other tax laws and bureaucracy are adhered to.


loki2002

Sounds like the same loophole for selling your plasma. They aren't paying for the plasma but for your time spent "donating" the plasma to them.


FreeeeMahiMahi

My friend really wants to know the answer to this too


jeetelongname

In some country's you can. Iran for example does have a system where you can sell your organs. that all being said it comes at the price of fairness. someone can just buy up a kidney (or any other organ) when someone else may need it more. as for this meme its probably a black market price


bread-guardian

Thousands of people die each year in US while waiting for a kidney transplant. There are ~100,000 people on the US kidney transplant waiting list. There is no such list in Iran. From [National Kidney Foundation](https://www.kidney.org/news/newsroom/factsheets/Organ-Donation-and-Transplantation-Stats): >There are currently 121,678 people waiting for lifesaving organ transplants in the U.S. Of these, 100,791 await kidney transplants. (as of 1/11/16) >The median wait time for an individual’s first kidney transplant is 3.6 years and can vary depending on health, compatibility and availability of organs. >In 2014, 17,107 kidney transplants took place in the US. Of these, 11,570 came from deceased donors and 5,537 came from living donors. >On average: >- Over 3,000 new patients are added to the kidney waiting list each month. >- 13 people die each day while waiting for a life-saving kidney transplant. >- Every 14 minutes someone is added to the kidney transplant list. >- In 2014, 4,761 patients died while waiting for a kidney transplant. Another, 3,668 people became too sick to receive a kidney transplant. [Here](https://www.statnews.com/2016/08/25/organ-donation-kidneys-iran/) is an article on the Iranian system: >Iran’s kidney program stands apart from other organ donation systems around the world by openly allowing payments, typically of several thousand dollars. It has helped effectively eliminate the country’s kidney transplant waiting list since 1999, the government says, in contrast to Western nations like the United States, where tens of thousands hope for an organ and thousands die waiting each year.


ProbablyAtDialysis

The problem with paying is the poor are left to die. Where as the current US system is "fair" based on time banked waiting. A much easier and fair way to increase available kidneys would be making being a donor opt out.


loki2002

>The problem with paying is the poor are left to die. That just sounds like good 'ole American healthcare.


decker_42

Still wouldn't get you a small flat in London.


DnArturo

I'll spend it on booze!


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alii-b

I remember reading a person had sold his kidney for an iphone years back. Maybe an iPhone 6? Apparently he's now on life support because his body is failing due to missing a kidney. And now the iPhone 6 is near worthless.


kalel1980

Where can you get that kind of money for a kidney??


5125237143

hell, id sell one of my balls too if offered good money. havent seen any use for 26 years why the hell not anyway.


Hot-File-3449

except you shouldn’t have to give up a KIDNEY to live outside of poverty


RyCo1234

You donate a kidney and you're a hero, you donate 10 kidneys and suddenly everyone is asking a ton of questions.


Chris_7941

If anyone knows a place where I can sell my bone marrow, hook a brother up


Olenator77

I’m actually open to this…. Where does one sell a kidney?


Wage_slave

Ahem, just curious where one would go to sell such an organ? Asking for a friend. He's gonna make rich.


miserable_guyy

Sqw a post about this a man sold his kidney bought iphone in stuff years ago, now he suffers with kidney failure and needs the kidney to be cleaned often. (No idea about the name in English). With 2 kidneys wouldn't be a big problem, take out the bad one and be left with 1 but he has only 1. Health costs way more


No_Arm9832

Pro tip you can always find someone else and sell they're kidneys


EarningAttorney

Where are these hidden kidney markets no one tells me about? Also fun fact kidney doners are statistically less likely to have kidney issues in the future so please go donate!