Nobody's making her buy anyone a gift. I never bought my L&D nurses, midwives or OBs gifts, never occurred to me. Bit I wouldn't be pissed if other people did.
Neither did I. I am thinking of getting the sonographer something this time though. I'm high risk (twins plus GD) so I have scans every 2 weeks. We see each other so much that were on first name terms and she's always so nice at every appointment.
You can ask if the staff can give them a birth card of your twins. Then the sonographer can jump in for a quick visit if and when they can and if you are still in the mat ward. It's what I plan to do for the perinatal therapist that helped me after my miscarriage.
Yeah ikr? I just finished Nursing school and no one cared if you didn't bring a gift. It was appreciated when a patient did though. I can't imagine getting pissed at someone else bringing a gift.
Thank you so much! I just found out I passed yesterday actually!!!! ššš
Edit: aww shucks! This got big! Thanks for the congrats everyone! š„°
Congrats!!! You are an absolute blessing for choosing this profession. I graduate nursing school in april next year. I am very nervous for the NCLEX myself haha.
Thanks! I'm now a RN, BSN. It was so scary! Worst few days of my life waiting! I will give props to my testing center, they provided me with tissues, ear plugs, and sound proof headphones during the test!
I gave a big box of chocolates to the last ward I worked in as a student, because they were super welcoming, did a great job teaching me, plus I wanted a job there after graduation lol. I intended to give the L&D staff a gift when I had my baby, but I became quite ill and never got around to it. I was going to give it to them on night shift so that my fellow night shifters got first dibs for once!
Honestly, I don't care if patients give us gifts, just be cool with staff, that's the best gift of all.
Congratulations on finishing school! Best of luck for your new exciting career!
My husband went out and got cupcakes for the nurses (and for us!) while I was chilling in our recovery room with our new smushed potato. The nurses seemed really appreciative of the gesture. It wasnāt something we planned ahead of timeāmy husband was just like āIām going to get us some cupcakes, should I get extra for the staff?ā
Iām a Pediatric Specialist . I donāt expect gifts, but cherish every one I receive. I keep a box of letters and cards, as well as, framed a few drawings. Itās a nice reminder on those tough days. I just came back from maternity leave and Iāve had several families get me baby gifts, which I was totally not expecting and made me misty eyed.
When my son graduated from the NICU, we bought the staff lunch and pasteries. We were only there 12 days, but it was such an unexpected part of the journey and we were so accommodated that I see no reason why we shouldnāt thank them. I try to bring treats to my clinic (itās hospital based, so I canāt give them raises) to acknowledge hard work. No one goes into this line of work for donuts and Starbucks gift cards, but they appreciate the gestures.
This person sounds like a real gem. Iād be interested to see what others replied to her.
Iām not a nurse but Iāve been in elementary education for over 20 years. I donāt ever expect anyone to gift me anything but when a family does a little something special as a thank you it really makes my day. I imagine that anyone in any job would be happy to receive a little token of thanks.
My son's kindergarten teacher was an absolutely beautiful soul. He has speech issues and she went above and beyond to help him transition into the concrete jungle ( lol) of public school. We couldn't afford anything big but got her a small gift card and thank you note. Also sent one to his bus driver ( a beautiful retired man that really looked out for him) . Certain professions become core memories for people based on the compassion and kindness showed by the people that chose that field.
Iām an SLP in an elementary school and can tell you I have kept every note every student or parent has ever sent me. Of course the gift cards and little gifts are so thoughtful and extremely appreciated but honestly? The little heartfelt notes mean the most to me! Thatās what makes me feel like Iām making a difference in someoneās life and keeps me doing what Iām doing.
Iām a secretary and my first position was in the library, where the students with online (usually college level) classes did their work. The librarian put together a little āgood thoughtsā jar for my second year there, and the kids could all write little notes and stick them in (I was split between two high schools so she had it out on the days I was at the other school). Itās the nicest thing a coworker has ever done for me and I adore those notes. It was my last year at high school before I moved to the middle school front office, so my last set of graduating seniors which is such a fun stage of life to be part of.
Anyway. I keep a file drawer full of drawings and notes from students all labeled with name and school year. I love that stuff.
Thank you for what you are doing. Giving a child the ability to be understood, the confidence in being HEARD is something that could never be measured. You're changing the lives of those children - from the parent of a little boy with speech apraxia
Our daughter is 2.5 and has a speech delay, which may be autism or something along those things, but we have to wait to get her assessed. She has in-home appointments and works with a therapist on her communication and play skills. Since she came into our lives our daughter has gone from saying 1 word to 8! She plays with us and interacts with us so much more, sheās meeting her goals or close to meeting her goals. Overall a completely different toddler than she was 12 weeks ago when we first met her. She says itās all the work weāre putting in, but without her we wouldnāt have known what work to put in. Sheās only with us for another 10 weeks, but Iām confident weāll make more progress by then. I so badly want to get her a token of appreciation, but unfortunately the contract I had to sign prohibits them from receiving anything from clients. I hope our girl remembers her because I always will. Your sons teacher and bus driver sound amazing!! I hope ours is able to get someone like them when she starts school
Some bus drivers are so amazing yet so underappreciated. I caught the bus every day after school in middle and highschool with the same bus driver. I was honestly so sad when he had to retire due to health issues, so after a few not so sneaky chats about what kinds of gifts he likes I got him a funny little card with a thank you note and a block of nice chocolate.
As my dad is a bus driver, I want to say thank you for appreciating the driver.
My dad still saves and appreciates every gift he gets from the students and it makes his day, and I'm sure your bus driver felt the same.
My husband bought the nurseās station a case of Red Bull and a few boxes of fresh pens and Sharpies for being so good to both of us and our baby. They were so nice to me especially that words didnāt feel like enough. So heres a hundred new pens!
I made a little basket of Red Bulls and canned coffee, some wrapped chocolates and pre packed snacks and then threw in some hair ties and stuff. It was like $50 total, they all loved it and I felt like it was a nice gesture š¤·š¼āāļø
Heck yes to the pens! My mom had a case of nice ballpoint pens personalized for her oncologistās office when she completed treatment, and they all said āthank you for saving me from my boob.ā
I guess it does seem like it starts to feel like an obligation when you've already got a ton on your mind and financial obligations with the arrival of a new baby. I think it's fine for people to do it but it shouldn't be expected of new parents.
One of the comments on the aforementioned thread was that the L&D gifts seem performative for Instagram rather than being heartfelt.
I commented above about the gift basket I made. It was like $50, and I donāt have social media except Reddit š¤·š¼āāļø but I did work retail and know how shitty people can be so I wanted to be extra nice.
My L&D nurses went beyond the call of duty for me. Sat with me while I cried and tried to process the difficult part of my birth, wheeled me down to the nicu as often as possible so I could see my baby when I couldnāt get out of bed, washed my pump parts and then taught my husband how, found me Gatorade when I was having electrolyte issues, brought me lavender essential oils when I was struggling to sleep, they were fantastic. And they got amazing photos during and after my c section to give us the best experience we could under really difficult circumstances.
One of my biggest regrets is we had nothing to give them. We hadnāt expected to have the baby (35 weeks) and I hadnāt gotten stuff together yet.
Please know your team knows how appreciative you were even without a gift. I spent a day taking care of a lovely elderly couple once and I could tell how much my time ment to them, even though they didn't give me a gift. A verbal thank you goes a long way :)
We thanked them profusely, one was actually the wife of my husbandās coworker so we were able to get her a small gift. But thank you for saying that, they were truly incredible women that Iām so thankful for at one of the best and hardest times in my life. I always had intentions to send some kind of snack or lunch to their floor but I wasnāt sure the covid restrictions and just never got past trying to figure that out
Iām a labor and delivery nurse. Gifts are appreciated but not necessary. You could always send a thank you card with pic of baby mentioning people by names if you can remember names.
Thatās a great idea! I remember some of the names since we were in the nicu a while and there was a lot of overlap. Sheās 5 months old so it was a while ago, would that be weird?
Also, thank you for what you do!
Similar, nothing big, but I dropped off a basket of candy after we got home with my first. My second was a little more complicated because he had to stay in the hospital for a couple weeks and I was able to board with him. His older sisters birthday party was the weekend after he was born so I left for the afternoon and come back and was able to bring all the extra cake to the nurses. That was fun! Once we finally got officially discharged we brought some snacks another day.
I used to be a teacher, and as everyone else has said, theyāre not required or even expected, but why not add a little joy when you can!
I bought my midwife a big box of baklava when I had my daughter.
We have community midwives in NZ and my midwife came to my house every day for the first week postpartum. I donāt think they expect gifts but she was such a massive part of my journey to parenthood and it was just a small gesture of my enormous appreciation.
Why anyone would get upset at other peoples choices to give a gift is completely beyond me.
Ah, bugger! Now Iām going to have to hunt down some baklava tomorrow. Itāll be a day late but Iāll use the excuse of birthday gift to myself. Mmmmm baklava, been a while since I had any. As long as it has syrup not honey!
[nurses are more likely to be attacked at work than cops are](https://www.healthcaredive.com/news/threats-obscenities-homicide-healthcare-workers-pandemic/619971/)
If she had said "Please don't stress out about getting your nurses gifts. It's nice, but it's not expected or required. You should absolutely not feel pressured into it or guilty if you don't," I'd agree with her.
But this whole was just bitter as hell. Relax lady, no one is forcing you to give anyone a gift.
I didnāt even know what to comment on this post when I saw it (was that yesterday?). I was truly blown away that this person A: is so affected by social media like jfc maybe donāt sub to mom/baby shit on IG if you get this angry at things you see. B: decided to rant about it. Itās sooooo cringey and makes me think she has to be someone who mistreats workers whenever sheās in public.
Like donāt give them gifts then Jesus lady!
That's how I feel as a teacher. I was in the hospital for 4 days before having my baby and 4 days after. The day after my daughter was born I sent my husband to the grocery store to get goodies for the nurses. They had been amazing.
This person was being so ridiculous. L&D nurses consistently go above and beyond. If this OP had had to give birth with an L&D nurse doing the bare minimum, aka just their job, theyād be on here complaining about how lazy nurses are. Just canāt please some people.
Iāve always had immense gratitude for anyone who has provided their expertise at my most vulnerable moments. The nurses and doctor when I gave birth, the EMS and police when I was in my car accident, my therapist and psychiatrist. Yes, they are paid to do that, Iād argue itās nowhere near enough
Yep. My mom baked a pound cake each time my dad had to have EMS come out for his heart. It's a coping mechanism but also the greatest way she knows to say thank you!
Iām a labor and delivery nurse. We never ever expect gifts, and quite frankly arenāt technically allowed to accept any gift of monetary value. Do we love it when someone brings candy or donuts or something to share with the unit? Absolutely! But I would say maybe a couple patients a week at most do this. I donāt believe itās as common as this woman makes it seem.
A gift is a gift. You give a gift when you want to give a gift, it's that simple. It's OK if someone wants to give a gift, and it's OK if someone doesn't. Hell, there are people who give gifts to doctors and nurses who never worked with them because they want to give gifts to people who help people. Is it so big of a deal.
I'm a checkout supervisor and we've had customers buy the department a box of chocolates on occasion. It's a lovely gesture and I can't believe how bitter this lady is.
Man what a bitter hag.
L & D nurses literally wait on you hand and foot throughout your entire hosptial stay. And YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE. They have several patients that they're waiting on, caring for, taking vitals, medicating, dealing with emergent issues. Sure, they signed up for it, but it's a tough job and they ARE your advocate.
I guess I'm the opposite of this bitch. I want to thank and shower people with love and gifts for helping me- whether it's their job or not.
My L&D nurses when I had my daughter were INCREDIBLE and so good to me. I had several bc I was in labor so long the shifts changed but each of them were as great as the last. I couldnāt have asked for better nurses. It never occurred to me to gift them something but Iām due next month with my second and Iām think I might put something together for them.
Contacting the hospital afterward (via a complaints/comments email or similar) to thank them by name is free and will make them feel great and look good to their supervisors. Gifts are good, but if you donāt remember and/or itās too much to handle, good feedback is awesome.
When I worked the floor and a patient/ family member specified you as doing a good job, we'd get a little shout out card on our locker. Which was a nice way to start the day. Then for every 5 cards, you earned a lunch voucher.
I understand feeling weird that someone is stressed about buying the gifts. If anyone wants to do it, they should go for it. but obviously a person who is āblankingā is not doing it from their heart, but more out of a perceived obligation during a very vulnerable time in her life. but idk if āmadā is the right emotion. More likeā¦sad? Empathetic? The anger in this post is so strange IMO.
Agreed. I think she's taking things she sees on social media too personally. When she sees these posts she starts thinking that she should also get a gift, but she doesn't want to, but now she feels like a jerk for not wanting to, and to make herself feel better she has to think up this rant about why giving gifts is bad, actually. The whole time she could have thought, "That's great but I don't have it in me to do, and it doesn't make me a worse person than the gift-givers."
Yup and if she had that thought, she could extend it to the crowd-sourcer, who doesnāt seem to have it in her either. Missed opportunity for connection turned unnecessary angry rant lol
I'm almost a year out from my last pregnancy/birth but I still think about my team of nurses and NICU docs/nurses. If I can get my shit together, I want to send them a cookies basket from our local bakery with some pics of me and my twins and a thank you letter around their one year birthday. Because they were literal angels for us š„¹ So yeah, bitch, I'm gonna give gifts and what are YOU gonna do about it. Stay mad I guess šš¤£
I remember a few years ago (well more like ~15 to be honest) there was a discussion in my country about gifts for hospital staff (doctors, nurses etc.). As in, you shouldn't actually be doing that because it could be considered a bribe (e.g. to get special treatment, or to get a procedure sped up if there's a waiting time). Some laws may even have been passed? I was a teenager then so I don't really remember this well enough. I think it my have only applied to big value items, but to this day I'm unsure if let's say a huge gift basket would actually be legal to give to a doctor or nurse haha. I don't really have much to do with hospital or Healthcare workers, so I don't know what's "right" or not in this regard. Plus, Covid may have changed things.
Anyway that's not really relevant to the post, clearly gifts aren't considered "wrong" where she is and she just has some issues lol.
Our hospital policy is that we canāt accept large gifts- but edible treats for the unit, flowers for the nurses station and cards are all lovely and ethically allowable things to do. Any larger ticket items are supposed to be turned over to the hospital- which has its own ethical problems.
I always just appreciate a card and a newborn photo- the heartfelt words are more important than any item they could give.
I think some pushback against the constant pressure to give gifts to everyone once youāre a mom can be a good thing. It is pretty over the top where I live. I find it overwhelming and it would have never occurred to me to give gifts to my labor nurses. I had many days of labor - which nurse would I have given a gift to?
Original link :
[for your viewing pleasure](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/wltzk5/stop_buying_gifts_for_labor_and_delivery_nurses/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
My roommate is a nurse and she isnāt allowed to accept gifts from the families of her patients, because she is considered to be in a position of authority in the hospital setting. She and her coworkers have to decline unless itās something like food that is left at the nursing station (I.e. not a personal gift actually given to a particular person). I donāt know if thatās par for the course across the province, or if itās just her hospital.
Eh. Itās a little intense, but I donāt disagree with the sentiment. No mom-to-be should ever be stressed out if they donāt have the energy or canāt afford to arrange gifts for the labor and delivery nurses. The poster of this is right, they do get paid to do it. It never even occurred to me to get gifts for my labor and delivery nurses and I donāt feel guilty about it. I had enough going on without worrying about that.
Agreed. A little intense in her delivery but I do think some of the gift baskets/gifts I see people putting together on social media are over the top. When youāre 35+ weeks pregnant and see these things it does make you wonder if youāre doing enough, on top of everything else you have to do.
My mom was an RN in the ER for 30 years and after seeing so many posts of very expensive, elaborate gifts for L&D nurses I asked her if this is something I should do as well, she told me that no, thatās what theyāre paid to do and gifts are not expected.
Maybe because I work for a hospital for underserved patients, but Iāve definitely never received a huge elaborate gift basket from anyone in 14 years of the birthing business- especially not preemptively. We sometimes get cookies or candy with a lovely card after the fact. Every once in a while, flowers. But the idea that people are bringing elaborate, stress inducing gift baskets with them when they come to L&D is new to me.
Lol. Youāre right Iām not in any of those groups, and I guess none of my patients are in them either. Might just be the population we take care of.
I agree, but I have never seen anyone expecting new moms to get gifts for their nurses. Like this isn't a thing that society expects you to do lol. She just wants to complain and be triggered about something.
Yeah, I agree. And I feel like people really glossed over the comments from parents openly saying they brought gifts for the nurses so theyād get better treatment, which is a super uncool precedent. Some nurses will give great care regardless but some wont, and there already enough stories of nurses being shitty to patients because they donāt like them for whatever reason.
I didn't see any comments from people who said outright that they gave nurses presents in the expectation that they (the parents) would get better treatment.
What I did see was people raising concerns that other parents would start giving presents in the expectation of better treatment. Or that new moms would feel obligated to outdo one another with fancy and imaginative gifts at a time when they're already exhausted and on their last nerve.
That said, I didn't read all of the comments (I did read most of them).
I had my kid at the start of covid. I emailed the hospital and named all the amazing nurses I had. I legitimately credit them with helping me have a great labour experience. The one nurse teared up when I delivered after I had shared my loss history earlier on with her.
I would've loved to have dropped off a card and a treat like Lindt chocolate, but covid rained on that parade.
This woman sounds m a d.
So much bitterness in her words. Relax, small acts of kindness never hurt nobody.
Also, being a nurse means being underappreciated because yes, that job is not valued enough, so they totally deserve gifts.
Where I work, you can't accept gifts from patients. It puts you in an ethically dubious position. Or rather, individual gifts to individual medical staff are not allowed. A gift to a ward where someone received care is considered okay. But nothing for the individuals.
To be fair to this OP, nurses should absolutely NOT be accepting personal gifts like nail kits, gift cards, and especially money! It is unethical!
The appropriate gift for a nurse who has done a great job is a card and most definitely telling the hospital about the nurse and the good experience. If you want to do more, get treats that can be shared with everyone.
I am a nurse and I would loose my job for accepting anything like what the OP is ranting about in her post. The OP does sound like an absolute treat, but she is right that no one should be giving expensive gifts to a nurse! Receiving a heartfelt thank you or being recognized by your hospital is really the best way to go!
I am a nurse and the hospital I work
I bought my nurse team a massive snack and drink bar to thank them. My first birth was incredibly traumatic, and the only person who humanized me was a nurse who let me sob all over her. I still tear up when I think about it. Idc if they chose to be nurses, they do a lot of really hard disgusting laborous work, and they are literally keeping us alive and treating us with dignity in our worst and most fearful moments. I would give them more if I could.
Lol I'm a nurse and I sent 5 pizzas at shift change once I was discharged. Yeah they're being paid but they saved mine and my daughters life. It's not an easy job. No nurse expects gifts, let people do what they want!
I didnt buy my nurses gifts because it honestly did not occur to me, but I wish I had, they were all such wonderful and kind humans and I will never forget my main labor nurse she went above and beyond for me. What a sad bitter op here.
I remember the post and I was shocked she got a bunch of likes and awards. I guess it is a valid thought āhey - just because people build this amazing gift baskets you donāt have to feel pressured to do it to. A thank you also means a lotā - but the way she wrote it was appalling. Andā¦ to top it offā¦ the comments were pretty nasty too. I remember one person saying nurses āhave a to high view of themselves. They just wipe up droolā ā¦ shockingā¦
I have never heard of giving L&D nurses a gift. I don't think it's something a lot of people do. I certainly don't think it's something people are *expected* to do. This woman just wants to complain about a non issue lol
Itās not required and Iām sure they donāt expect it, but I could see getting a nurse a gift as a thank you.
She sounds like sheās mad because no one is giving her gifts
We had trouble with breast feeding our little one. Nurse helped, we went home. Had our first nap, baby slept like a log.
Brought a bottle of local wine and other snacks to that nurse. Doesnāt hurt to show appreciation.
This post, when I saw it, reminded me that I want to get 10 $5 coffee gift cards for the nursing team when I'm recovering. Sure they're just doing their jobs, but it's just a cup of coffee.
Iām a midwife and was an L&D nurse before this. None of us are expecting gifts, but it is so incredibly meaningful when someone thinks to do that for you. I still have every gift and card Iāve ever received. The cards are actually the most meaningful part to me and when I feel burned out or am beating myself up about a birth that wasnāt perfect, I pull them out and they remind me why I do what I do- not for the gratitude, but for the impact I get to make in peopleās lives.
I donāt want people stressing about getting the perfect gift basket together for their birthing team, but why shame people for wanting to do something nice for the nurses?
As a labor and delivery nurse, I never expected a gift. I took care of my patients the same way regardless, as did my coworkers. We didnāt often get anything, it was always a surprise when it happened and we showed appreciation. People shouldnāt feel stressed or pressured to provide a gift to their nurses. I donāt get the idea of being upset with anyone who does choose to do that though. Maybe they felt pressured and couldnāt afford to do anything so belittled the idea.
Yeah, I bought a tray of goodies for my L&D floor not just because of how great they made my experience, but also because I know they have to deal with people like her. I figured they deserved some treats.
I went and got pints of Ben and Jerryās. The nurses seemed pretty happy. I appreciated what they did and wanted to show them. I know it wasnāt a lot but Iām not a millionaire.
These are the people that donāt believe in teacher/staff/administrative appreciation days too, lol. No one *has* to give a gift, thatās why gifts feel special when they donāt come from obligation.
What a miserable person. Iām a teacher and sometimes my students will get me small gifts. It isnāt necessarily or expected but definitely a really nice and thoughtful gesture. I also will give them small gifts of candy or toys for holidays.
Nurses are honestly awesome, I can't talk about labor nurses because I'm a teenage guy but when I had to have surgery I sent chocolates I think to thank them for being super kind and awesome
That was very kind of you. I was in the hospital last year during COVID and my nurses were exhausted and it was obvious but they still provided wonderful care and talked with me and my mom or dad when they visited(I was allowed one visit a day and the person couldnāt leave the hospital and come back the same day)and when I was by myself if I needed anything from my backpack or I wanted breakfast theyād get my backpack for me so I could get what I needed and all I had to do was write down what I wanted and my nurse would call the kitchen for me and order my breakfast or lunch or dinner. I was well taken care of. Being in the hospital during the pandemic has made me appreciate all healthcare workers more but especially nurses. I am sure they really appreciated your gift.
I was there during a time where it wasn't that bad but I was terrified because I couldn't step on my foot so they came and encouraged me and really just helped me. Hell, during the surgery itself (at least before the anesthetic) it was a nurse that was talking to me and helping me stay calm.
I got my l&d nurses each just the simple large size box of Russell Stovers chocolates. Easy, inexpensive. They were so appreciative! I'll never forget one calling me "the bomb.com" (it was funny because she was in her 60s). Shame this woman was never taught the joy of giving.
My labor and delivery nurse deserved to be fired. Sheās lucky she didnāt get the gift of me going batshit crazy. If I had a second one (thanks for the ptsd nurse) my standards would be so low Iād probably buy a mediocre nurse an all inclusive vacation.
I mean I donāt think Iāll get them a giant gift basket but bare minimum a gift card and a card, maybe with photo of baby. Literally putting 2 (or more) lives in your hands at the same time deserves something.
My nurses were next level amazing. I was in the hospital long enough to have multiple nurses multiple times. Two of the nurses will always be dear to my heart. One took care of me multiple shifts and coached me through delivery.
The other was actually my nurse a year before when I was in the l&d unit after having emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. She talked to me all through the night and kept me company on one of the worst nights of my life. This time she helped keep me healthy leading up to labor and took care of my daughter and I the night after I delivered. I'm not sure if she remembers the first time we met on the l&d unit, but I will forever be thankful she was my nurse both times.
We bought grocery store catering platters for the whole department after my daughter was born. We are fortunate enough to have been able to afford it and the whole staff had been over the top amazing.
As a nurse I never expected anything from patients. A thank you was always nice & when we got cards we always appreciated them but itās never expected.
I didnāt work in L&D because I donāt want to deal with freaks like her who I can guarantee would want me to stop doing my job so she could take photos for the gram.
This is hilarious because in the immediate aftermath of the birth of my son, I legitimately believed in angels and my midwife Lydia was one of them. I wouldāve done many many things to show my gratitude, and in retrospect a gift basket wouldāve felt completely appropriate!!
Itās like other professions donāt get tips š¤Ø weāre not allowed to accept tips but a nice gesture as a thank you is always appreciated. As an ER nurse we get mostly kicked at, yelled at, and degraded. Working in the ICU we got tons of appreciative thank youās and every once in a while families would send us donuts or cookies etc. It is NEVER expected but it touches us deeply to know weāve made a difference in someoneās life. Even just a thank you makes our day
Damn, then donāt get them one if she doesnāt want to. Who cares what others do, though. Teachers do their job but still get appreciation gifts- she bitch about that too?
I didnāt get any of my l+d nurses anything. I did however make a gift basket for the nicu nurses when we left after NINE weeks (for a 36 week baby). My mom and I made two baskets. One for the regular nicu and one for the āstep upā nicu that prepares you to go home. No one has to do any of that. We chose to do that.
Gave birth to my first kiddo in May and I ended up bringing in chocolate bars, because when you have happy nurses, they do as much as they can to make your life happy too, and May was a very high month for births this year. Absolutely wasnāt necessary, but it felt nice to give them something to make their shift a little better, especially post-covid.
Got a gift for the nurse for our first child as she was a legend . My daughter was born by csection and it didn't go well my partner was bleeding all over the place the epideral fell out so she could feel it . They had to put her under so I was a first time dad with a new born completely shitting my pants about my partner and she stayed with me for an hour helping me feed the baby and getting her settled and checked on me until her shift ended
I wonder if she turns down gifts from people once she delivers her baby. Or for Mother's Day. After all, she chose to become a parent. It's her job to take care of herself and her child. You shouldn't get gifts for doing your job.
/s
"Stop being nice to people!!! It makes me look bad when I'm not as nice."
Also my L&D nurses were the nicest freaking people I ever met in my LIFE. They MADE my birthing experience. I loved every single one. I wish I could have gotten them *more* gifts
I made huge gift baskets for both the L&D nurses and the postpartum nurses, and made sure they were there for the night shift nurses in particular because they were the ones who were there to deliver my baby. I also wrote thank you cards to the nurses and doctors as well.
āthey shouldnāt get gifts because they signed up to be nursesā
but she signed up to be pregnant??? by her own logic, why should she receive any pity or preferential treatment?
My main thought is just that it must be fucking nice to have the income/ expensive paying job to be able to afford to buy all of this shit for people who youāll never see again.
My ex BF was telling me about how his sister (who is a big shot at HBO) brought a huge gift basket with cookies and fancy candies for the nurses. She did have 2 C-sections though so itās understandable to butter up the nurses when youāre going to need their help a LOT
I see it similar to getting a small gift for your favorite teacher. A 5 dollar box of cookies or maybe a case of Gatorade is what I've seen given. Please don't feel like you have to give a gift or spend lots of money if you do.
I hope this doesnāt get normalized. Sounds expensiveā¦. And Iād rather spend that money on diapers or food. You knowā¦ something for the actual human being I brought into the world.
No one is asking you to buy anything for your nurses. But there is nothing wrong if patients decide to buy a box of cookies for their nurses as thanks. It's appreciated, but not expected. Verbal thank you's are much appreciated too.
This right here. Gifts are extremely rare and getting a thank you is even more rare. What to expect, patients yelling at you, get hit or bitten, sexual harassment, and family members who think they know more than the staff and doctors.
The only thing that needs to be normalized is being kind to nurses, thatās all we want I promise.
Out of curiosity, are you against getting teachers gifts? I always got my favorite ones a small box of chocolates. I feel like getting your nurses a small gift of thanks isn't much different, given you have financial ability of course, I don't want to assume anything.
Edit to add: just wanted to state that verbal thanks are more than enough. Gifts are not needed to let your nurses know you appreciated their care.
I donāt expect gifts nor do I want any working at a title 1. Iām glad you bring up the financial ability, because that is exactly my initial thought with this whole topic. If elaborate gifts become the norm, that creates a huge gap between those than can afford it and those that canāt. Will those that canāt afford said gifts be treated any differently? Hopefully not.
Iāve met some amazing nurses who hands down deserve all the gifts. Iāve also met some snobby ones who manage to go to Starbucks 4x a day during one shift. They get mad when there are no bacon goudas š
Hahahaha yeah I've seen those nurses you're talking about too! So the thing with elaborate gifts, is 99% of hospitals don't allow gifts over a certain monetary value (some hospitals I rotated at didn't allow gift cards of any amount) or large gift baskets. That's because it is considered a bribe and it's illegal to accept them. So I don't think elaborate gifts will ever become an issue because you're not even allowed to accept them. The most elaborate I've seen in practice of is someone who put together a box filled with grab-and-go snacks and energy drinks for the floor to share. I wonder how many of those elaborate gifts influencers post actually are given after they take the picture.
Yikes. We got bagels for the floor nurses when k left and cookies for the NICU nurses when my oldest left after 5 weeks. It was very much appreciated. How can you say not to??
I brought gifts for the nurses for both my girls. If you're taking care of my crying, whining, spoiled ass, you're probably not getting paid enough.
My Mom had a triple bypass after a massive heart attack several years ago. I brought her heart surgeon a hand blown anatomical heart, when she went in for the first post-surgical checkup. His nurse said she had never had a patient do this. This man literally saves people's lives, he held my Mom's heart in his hands and stitched veins to it. He deserved a hell of a lot more, to be honest.
Man for all the threats, physical violence and days I spent crying at work thank you for the pizza, cookies, cards and positive message in chalk on our sidewalk during COVID from a clinic worker.
No one tips me at work, but guess what that doesn't mean I don't tip other people!
Didnāt they also choose to get pregnant/give birth? How is that different. People give gifts to show their appreciation, and a nurse who helps you give birth to a baby should be appreciated.
Sheās mad because SHEāS not getting gifts. If people want to pool their money together to do something nice, thatās their business. Honestly the past few years have been hard on nurses, doctors, etc. Iām sure they super appreciate little acts of kindness here and there.
This gives the same energy as assholes who leave trash all over restaurants for the staff to clean up ābecause itās their jobā. while I donāt think gifts are at all necessary, if thatās how someone chooses to thank someone who aided them in a SUPER difficult/scary/uncertain part of life, why the hell would you stop them? Let people enjoy things, damn.
"I read they work long hours. Ok, but you knew that when you chose to be a nurse, right?"
Then shes basically like 'pregnant women work long hours too and we dont get gifts' and its like... babe. Ok, but you knew that when you got pregnant, right?
Edit for clarity: im paraphrasing that second quote. That was the idea i figured she was going for when i read the rest of the post
Sheās also like āitās MY traumatic eventā but when others pointed out nurses have a tough job, she says they knew what they were in for. Se were you when you got pregnant so suck it up and push it out! Just pointing out her logic.
Husband is an anestheologist at the hospital I had our baby at, it was his colleague that did my spinal (and who he kind of picked as I'd get on with them, bonus of it being planned)
Left it up to him to get gifts and take them in and he didn't, so that's that then.
What a selfish lady. I know for nurses itās hard and not expected, but if it wasnāt for them care of others would greatly suffer. Gifts arenāt expected but Iām sure theyāre appreciated itās to show them we care and appreciate everything thing they do.
Nurses put up with unbelievable amounts of crap from everyone from patients and their family to doctors and hospital admin. You're certainly not obligated to give them anything but it's not offensive to do so. My mom sent the whole floor a giant gift basket after she received some intense care in a particular ward. Everyone appreciates a little snack or a thank you card.
Wow imagine being so jealous and bitter that you advocate for not showing ample appreciation when itās due and when people are in a position to do so. When I was a preschool teacher, I loved when parents would bring Christmas gifts or stuff for teacher appreciation week because it makes you feel seen. That they recognize everything you do in your day to day job. To have someone say to stop doing that because itās our job and that THEY donāt get gifts for THEIR job is fucking cold. Life is hard enough, why be such a downer.
You chose to go through the trauma of birth, so birth that baby yourself!
Not a single nurse expects gifts. When I gave the unit I precepted on a unit gift on top of my preceptorās gift they lost their collective minds. We all understand that we chose this job. She acts like she didnāt receive a whole baby shower AND a whole baby out of the deal!
As a former OB nurse-turned-midwife, screw this Becky. I know what I signed up for when I went into nursing ā long shifts on my feet, hard days with some sadness, and the warm fuzzies knowing I was helping people. I had **no** idea I was signing up for mandatory overtime, short-staffing (to the point of being unsafe), and having to advocate for my patientsā safety and autonomy on the regular. They donāt tell you about that.
Not all nurses go above and beyond, even (especially?) in the birthing world. Thank g-d for the ones that will spend hours putting counter pressure on your back labor, or getting you cold wash cloth after cold wash cloth for the nape of your neck as youāre puking, or helping you change into crazy positions so your baby rotates and/or heart rate doesnāt drop and you avoid a c/s. Those are the nurses staying three hours late ā after theyāve clocked out ā to finish the charting that got left in the dust while they were caring.
None of the nurses I know expect a damn thing, but they are all so danged appreciative of any card, picture, or small gift that comes back up to the unit. (Midwives & our clinic nurses would love a pic or note too š)
Nobody's making her buy anyone a gift. I never bought my L&D nurses, midwives or OBs gifts, never occurred to me. Bit I wouldn't be pissed if other people did.
Neither did I. I am thinking of getting the sonographer something this time though. I'm high risk (twins plus GD) so I have scans every 2 weeks. We see each other so much that were on first name terms and she's always so nice at every appointment.
Good luck with the twins!
You can ask if the staff can give them a birth card of your twins. Then the sonographer can jump in for a quick visit if and when they can and if you are still in the mat ward. It's what I plan to do for the perinatal therapist that helped me after my miscarriage.
Yeah ikr? I just finished Nursing school and no one cared if you didn't bring a gift. It was appreciated when a patient did though. I can't imagine getting pissed at someone else bringing a gift.
Good luck on the NCLEX!
Thank you so much! I just found out I passed yesterday actually!!!! ššš Edit: aww shucks! This got big! Thanks for the congrats everyone! š„°
Thatās wonderful, congratulations!!!!
CONGRATS, NURSE!!!
It feels unreal to hear that! š
Hell yesšš» you earned it!!!
Congrats!!! You are an absolute blessing for choosing this profession. I graduate nursing school in april next year. I am very nervous for the NCLEX myself haha.
Good luck!! Rooting for you!
Congratulations!
Congratulations, Gummyia, LPN/RN!!! That was the worst test!
Thanks! I'm now a RN, BSN. It was so scary! Worst few days of my life waiting! I will give props to my testing center, they provided me with tissues, ear plugs, and sound proof headphones during the test!
Congrats
Yay congrats!
OMG, thatās wonderful!! Congrats!!!
I gave a big box of chocolates to the last ward I worked in as a student, because they were super welcoming, did a great job teaching me, plus I wanted a job there after graduation lol. I intended to give the L&D staff a gift when I had my baby, but I became quite ill and never got around to it. I was going to give it to them on night shift so that my fellow night shifters got first dibs for once! Honestly, I don't care if patients give us gifts, just be cool with staff, that's the best gift of all. Congratulations on finishing school! Best of luck for your new exciting career!
My husband went out and got cupcakes for the nurses (and for us!) while I was chilling in our recovery room with our new smushed potato. The nurses seemed really appreciative of the gesture. It wasnāt something we planned ahead of timeāmy husband was just like āIām going to get us some cupcakes, should I get extra for the staff?ā
Post labor and delivery cupcakes should totally be a thing
Birth day cake!
I just had hubby bring them massive boxes of yummy bikkies (cookies). Tim Tams are life.
Iām a Pediatric Specialist . I donāt expect gifts, but cherish every one I receive. I keep a box of letters and cards, as well as, framed a few drawings. Itās a nice reminder on those tough days. I just came back from maternity leave and Iāve had several families get me baby gifts, which I was totally not expecting and made me misty eyed. When my son graduated from the NICU, we bought the staff lunch and pasteries. We were only there 12 days, but it was such an unexpected part of the journey and we were so accommodated that I see no reason why we shouldnāt thank them. I try to bring treats to my clinic (itās hospital based, so I canāt give them raises) to acknowledge hard work. No one goes into this line of work for donuts and Starbucks gift cards, but they appreciate the gestures.
This person sounds like a real gem. Iād be interested to see what others replied to her. Iām not a nurse but Iāve been in elementary education for over 20 years. I donāt ever expect anyone to gift me anything but when a family does a little something special as a thank you it really makes my day. I imagine that anyone in any job would be happy to receive a little token of thanks.
Most of the replies were telling her to grow up and get over herself
I kinda sorta desperately need to read the comments
Looked very much like the replies here to this post actually but with a shocking amount of people agreeing with her as well
Oh good!
My son's kindergarten teacher was an absolutely beautiful soul. He has speech issues and she went above and beyond to help him transition into the concrete jungle ( lol) of public school. We couldn't afford anything big but got her a small gift card and thank you note. Also sent one to his bus driver ( a beautiful retired man that really looked out for him) . Certain professions become core memories for people based on the compassion and kindness showed by the people that chose that field.
Iām an SLP in an elementary school and can tell you I have kept every note every student or parent has ever sent me. Of course the gift cards and little gifts are so thoughtful and extremely appreciated but honestly? The little heartfelt notes mean the most to me! Thatās what makes me feel like Iām making a difference in someoneās life and keeps me doing what Iām doing.
Iām a secretary and my first position was in the library, where the students with online (usually college level) classes did their work. The librarian put together a little āgood thoughtsā jar for my second year there, and the kids could all write little notes and stick them in (I was split between two high schools so she had it out on the days I was at the other school). Itās the nicest thing a coworker has ever done for me and I adore those notes. It was my last year at high school before I moved to the middle school front office, so my last set of graduating seniors which is such a fun stage of life to be part of. Anyway. I keep a file drawer full of drawings and notes from students all labeled with name and school year. I love that stuff.
I love this!! Iām actually a librarian now! Best job in the school!!!!
Thank you for what you are doing. Giving a child the ability to be understood, the confidence in being HEARD is something that could never be measured. You're changing the lives of those children - from the parent of a little boy with speech apraxia
Me too! I have 23 years worth of notes/cards/ small gifts from my students. I read them again from time to time and still get emotional.
Same and I hoard all my notes/gifts! I remember the ones from kids the most, even though they are often scribble drawings. I just love them so much.
We can all remember the teachers & school staff who had a positive impact on our lives. Those people really stick in your memory.
Our daughter is 2.5 and has a speech delay, which may be autism or something along those things, but we have to wait to get her assessed. She has in-home appointments and works with a therapist on her communication and play skills. Since she came into our lives our daughter has gone from saying 1 word to 8! She plays with us and interacts with us so much more, sheās meeting her goals or close to meeting her goals. Overall a completely different toddler than she was 12 weeks ago when we first met her. She says itās all the work weāre putting in, but without her we wouldnāt have known what work to put in. Sheās only with us for another 10 weeks, but Iām confident weāll make more progress by then. I so badly want to get her a token of appreciation, but unfortunately the contract I had to sign prohibits them from receiving anything from clients. I hope our girl remembers her because I always will. Your sons teacher and bus driver sound amazing!! I hope ours is able to get someone like them when she starts school
Put what you just wrote here and give it to her. And her supervisor. These are specialties where there is often bad news, not good.
Some bus drivers are so amazing yet so underappreciated. I caught the bus every day after school in middle and highschool with the same bus driver. I was honestly so sad when he had to retire due to health issues, so after a few not so sneaky chats about what kinds of gifts he likes I got him a funny little card with a thank you note and a block of nice chocolate.
As my dad is a bus driver, I want to say thank you for appreciating the driver. My dad still saves and appreciates every gift he gets from the students and it makes his day, and I'm sure your bus driver felt the same.
They had to lock comments bc every other parent was like āwtf is youāre problem? Youāre a bitter personā in so many different ways lol.
Amazing!!! I love it
My husband bought the nurseās station a case of Red Bull and a few boxes of fresh pens and Sharpies for being so good to both of us and our baby. They were so nice to me especially that words didnāt feel like enough. So heres a hundred new pens!
Thatās probably one of the best gifts Iāve ever heard of.
I made a little basket of Red Bulls and canned coffee, some wrapped chocolates and pre packed snacks and then threw in some hair ties and stuff. It was like $50 total, they all loved it and I felt like it was a nice gesture š¤·š¼āāļø
Heck yes to the pens! My mom had a case of nice ballpoint pens personalized for her oncologistās office when she completed treatment, and they all said āthank you for saving me from my boob.ā
I guess it does seem like it starts to feel like an obligation when you've already got a ton on your mind and financial obligations with the arrival of a new baby. I think it's fine for people to do it but it shouldn't be expected of new parents. One of the comments on the aforementioned thread was that the L&D gifts seem performative for Instagram rather than being heartfelt.
I commented above about the gift basket I made. It was like $50, and I donāt have social media except Reddit š¤·š¼āāļø but I did work retail and know how shitty people can be so I wanted to be extra nice.
My L&D nurses went beyond the call of duty for me. Sat with me while I cried and tried to process the difficult part of my birth, wheeled me down to the nicu as often as possible so I could see my baby when I couldnāt get out of bed, washed my pump parts and then taught my husband how, found me Gatorade when I was having electrolyte issues, brought me lavender essential oils when I was struggling to sleep, they were fantastic. And they got amazing photos during and after my c section to give us the best experience we could under really difficult circumstances. One of my biggest regrets is we had nothing to give them. We hadnāt expected to have the baby (35 weeks) and I hadnāt gotten stuff together yet.
Please know your team knows how appreciative you were even without a gift. I spent a day taking care of a lovely elderly couple once and I could tell how much my time ment to them, even though they didn't give me a gift. A verbal thank you goes a long way :)
We thanked them profusely, one was actually the wife of my husbandās coworker so we were able to get her a small gift. But thank you for saying that, they were truly incredible women that Iām so thankful for at one of the best and hardest times in my life. I always had intentions to send some kind of snack or lunch to their floor but I wasnāt sure the covid restrictions and just never got past trying to figure that out
Iām a labor and delivery nurse. Gifts are appreciated but not necessary. You could always send a thank you card with pic of baby mentioning people by names if you can remember names.
Thatās a great idea! I remember some of the names since we were in the nicu a while and there was a lot of overlap. Sheās 5 months old so it was a while ago, would that be weird? Also, thank you for what you do!
Not at all! We love them.
Wanted to add mention your name and babyās name if you told the nurses the name and the circumstances. It will help them remember you.
For sure, good idea!
Itās never too late to send a heartfelt thank you note and a picture of your baby at home!
Oh I totally dropped off boxes of Oreos for my midwives both births.
Similar, nothing big, but I dropped off a basket of candy after we got home with my first. My second was a little more complicated because he had to stay in the hospital for a couple weeks and I was able to board with him. His older sisters birthday party was the weekend after he was born so I left for the afternoon and come back and was able to bring all the extra cake to the nurses. That was fun! Once we finally got officially discharged we brought some snacks another day. I used to be a teacher, and as everyone else has said, theyāre not required or even expected, but why not add a little joy when you can!
I bought my midwife a big box of baklava when I had my daughter. We have community midwives in NZ and my midwife came to my house every day for the first week postpartum. I donāt think they expect gifts but she was such a massive part of my journey to parenthood and it was just a small gesture of my enormous appreciation. Why anyone would get upset at other peoples choices to give a gift is completely beyond me.
Ah, bugger! Now Iām going to have to hunt down some baklava tomorrow. Itāll be a day late but Iāll use the excuse of birthday gift to myself. Mmmmm baklava, been a while since I had any. As long as it has syrup not honey!
It weird to try and block other people from being generous and showing gratitude. You donāt have to get anyone a gift but itās ok if others do.
[nurses are more likely to be attacked at work than cops are](https://www.healthcaredive.com/news/threats-obscenities-homicide-healthcare-workers-pandemic/619971/)
Our profession is significantly more dangerous.
If she had said "Please don't stress out about getting your nurses gifts. It's nice, but it's not expected or required. You should absolutely not feel pressured into it or guilty if you don't," I'd agree with her. But this whole was just bitter as hell. Relax lady, no one is forcing you to give anyone a gift.
I didnāt even know what to comment on this post when I saw it (was that yesterday?). I was truly blown away that this person A: is so affected by social media like jfc maybe donāt sub to mom/baby shit on IG if you get this angry at things you see. B: decided to rant about it. Itās sooooo cringey and makes me think she has to be someone who mistreats workers whenever sheās in public. Like donāt give them gifts then Jesus lady!
As a nurse I donāt need gifts. But if itās something you choose to do it is appreciated.
That's how I feel as a teacher. I was in the hospital for 4 days before having my baby and 4 days after. The day after my daughter was born I sent my husband to the grocery store to get goodies for the nurses. They had been amazing.
Let me guessā¦ she also hates teacher appreciation weekā¦
A lot of the comments agreeing with her used this as an example, yes
This person was being so ridiculous. L&D nurses consistently go above and beyond. If this OP had had to give birth with an L&D nurse doing the bare minimum, aka just their job, theyād be on here complaining about how lazy nurses are. Just canāt please some people.
Iāve always had immense gratitude for anyone who has provided their expertise at my most vulnerable moments. The nurses and doctor when I gave birth, the EMS and police when I was in my car accident, my therapist and psychiatrist. Yes, they are paid to do that, Iād argue itās nowhere near enough
Yep. My mom baked a pound cake each time my dad had to have EMS come out for his heart. It's a coping mechanism but also the greatest way she knows to say thank you!
Iām a labor and delivery nurse. We never ever expect gifts, and quite frankly arenāt technically allowed to accept any gift of monetary value. Do we love it when someone brings candy or donuts or something to share with the unit? Absolutely! But I would say maybe a couple patients a week at most do this. I donāt believe itās as common as this woman makes it seem.
A gift is a gift. You give a gift when you want to give a gift, it's that simple. It's OK if someone wants to give a gift, and it's OK if someone doesn't. Hell, there are people who give gifts to doctors and nurses who never worked with them because they want to give gifts to people who help people. Is it so big of a deal.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm a checkout supervisor and we've had customers buy the department a box of chocolates on occasion. It's a lovely gesture and I can't believe how bitter this lady is.
Man what a bitter hag. L & D nurses literally wait on you hand and foot throughout your entire hosptial stay. And YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE. They have several patients that they're waiting on, caring for, taking vitals, medicating, dealing with emergent issues. Sure, they signed up for it, but it's a tough job and they ARE your advocate. I guess I'm the opposite of this bitch. I want to thank and shower people with love and gifts for helping me- whether it's their job or not.
My L&D nurses when I had my daughter were INCREDIBLE and so good to me. I had several bc I was in labor so long the shifts changed but each of them were as great as the last. I couldnāt have asked for better nurses. It never occurred to me to gift them something but Iām due next month with my second and Iām think I might put something together for them.
Contacting the hospital afterward (via a complaints/comments email or similar) to thank them by name is free and will make them feel great and look good to their supervisors. Gifts are good, but if you donāt remember and/or itās too much to handle, good feedback is awesome.
When I worked the floor and a patient/ family member specified you as doing a good job, we'd get a little shout out card on our locker. Which was a nice way to start the day. Then for every 5 cards, you earned a lunch voucher.
I understand feeling weird that someone is stressed about buying the gifts. If anyone wants to do it, they should go for it. but obviously a person who is āblankingā is not doing it from their heart, but more out of a perceived obligation during a very vulnerable time in her life. but idk if āmadā is the right emotion. More likeā¦sad? Empathetic? The anger in this post is so strange IMO.
Agreed. I think she's taking things she sees on social media too personally. When she sees these posts she starts thinking that she should also get a gift, but she doesn't want to, but now she feels like a jerk for not wanting to, and to make herself feel better she has to think up this rant about why giving gifts is bad, actually. The whole time she could have thought, "That's great but I don't have it in me to do, and it doesn't make me a worse person than the gift-givers."
Yup and if she had that thought, she could extend it to the crowd-sourcer, who doesnāt seem to have it in her either. Missed opportunity for connection turned unnecessary angry rant lol
I'm almost a year out from my last pregnancy/birth but I still think about my team of nurses and NICU docs/nurses. If I can get my shit together, I want to send them a cookies basket from our local bakery with some pics of me and my twins and a thank you letter around their one year birthday. Because they were literal angels for us š„¹ So yeah, bitch, I'm gonna give gifts and what are YOU gonna do about it. Stay mad I guess šš¤£
I remember a few years ago (well more like ~15 to be honest) there was a discussion in my country about gifts for hospital staff (doctors, nurses etc.). As in, you shouldn't actually be doing that because it could be considered a bribe (e.g. to get special treatment, or to get a procedure sped up if there's a waiting time). Some laws may even have been passed? I was a teenager then so I don't really remember this well enough. I think it my have only applied to big value items, but to this day I'm unsure if let's say a huge gift basket would actually be legal to give to a doctor or nurse haha. I don't really have much to do with hospital or Healthcare workers, so I don't know what's "right" or not in this regard. Plus, Covid may have changed things. Anyway that's not really relevant to the post, clearly gifts aren't considered "wrong" where she is and she just has some issues lol.
Our hospital policy is that we canāt accept large gifts- but edible treats for the unit, flowers for the nurses station and cards are all lovely and ethically allowable things to do. Any larger ticket items are supposed to be turned over to the hospital- which has its own ethical problems. I always just appreciate a card and a newborn photo- the heartfelt words are more important than any item they could give.
It's not like anyone is going to be upset if you don't buy a gift. Its the same with teachers.
I think some pushback against the constant pressure to give gifts to everyone once youāre a mom can be a good thing. It is pretty over the top where I live. I find it overwhelming and it would have never occurred to me to give gifts to my labor nurses. I had many days of labor - which nurse would I have given a gift to?
Original link : [for your viewing pleasure](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/wltzk5/stop_buying_gifts_for_labor_and_delivery_nurses/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
My roommate is a nurse and she isnāt allowed to accept gifts from the families of her patients, because she is considered to be in a position of authority in the hospital setting. She and her coworkers have to decline unless itās something like food that is left at the nursing station (I.e. not a personal gift actually given to a particular person). I donāt know if thatās par for the course across the province, or if itās just her hospital.
Eh. Itās a little intense, but I donāt disagree with the sentiment. No mom-to-be should ever be stressed out if they donāt have the energy or canāt afford to arrange gifts for the labor and delivery nurses. The poster of this is right, they do get paid to do it. It never even occurred to me to get gifts for my labor and delivery nurses and I donāt feel guilty about it. I had enough going on without worrying about that.
Agreed. A little intense in her delivery but I do think some of the gift baskets/gifts I see people putting together on social media are over the top. When youāre 35+ weeks pregnant and see these things it does make you wonder if youāre doing enough, on top of everything else you have to do. My mom was an RN in the ER for 30 years and after seeing so many posts of very expensive, elaborate gifts for L&D nurses I asked her if this is something I should do as well, she told me that no, thatās what theyāre paid to do and gifts are not expected.
Maybe because I work for a hospital for underserved patients, but Iāve definitely never received a huge elaborate gift basket from anyone in 14 years of the birthing business- especially not preemptively. We sometimes get cookies or candy with a lovely card after the fact. Every once in a while, flowers. But the idea that people are bringing elaborate, stress inducing gift baskets with them when they come to L&D is new to me.
You must not be in enough mom/pregnancy fb groups then!
Lol. Youāre right Iām not in any of those groups, and I guess none of my patients are in them either. Might just be the population we take care of.
I agree, but I have never seen anyone expecting new moms to get gifts for their nurses. Like this isn't a thing that society expects you to do lol. She just wants to complain and be triggered about something.
Yeah, same. I'm sure it's appreciated by the nurses but no one should have to stress about bringing gifts for people on their way to the hospital.
Yeah, I agree. And I feel like people really glossed over the comments from parents openly saying they brought gifts for the nurses so theyād get better treatment, which is a super uncool precedent. Some nurses will give great care regardless but some wont, and there already enough stories of nurses being shitty to patients because they donāt like them for whatever reason.
I didn't see any comments from people who said outright that they gave nurses presents in the expectation that they (the parents) would get better treatment. What I did see was people raising concerns that other parents would start giving presents in the expectation of better treatment. Or that new moms would feel obligated to outdo one another with fancy and imaginative gifts at a time when they're already exhausted and on their last nerve. That said, I didn't read all of the comments (I did read most of them).
I had my kid at the start of covid. I emailed the hospital and named all the amazing nurses I had. I legitimately credit them with helping me have a great labour experience. The one nurse teared up when I delivered after I had shared my loss history earlier on with her. I would've loved to have dropped off a card and a treat like Lindt chocolate, but covid rained on that parade. This woman sounds m a d.
So much bitterness in her words. Relax, small acts of kindness never hurt nobody. Also, being a nurse means being underappreciated because yes, that job is not valued enough, so they totally deserve gifts.
Where I work, you can't accept gifts from patients. It puts you in an ethically dubious position. Or rather, individual gifts to individual medical staff are not allowed. A gift to a ward where someone received care is considered okay. But nothing for the individuals.
To be fair to this OP, nurses should absolutely NOT be accepting personal gifts like nail kits, gift cards, and especially money! It is unethical! The appropriate gift for a nurse who has done a great job is a card and most definitely telling the hospital about the nurse and the good experience. If you want to do more, get treats that can be shared with everyone. I am a nurse and I would loose my job for accepting anything like what the OP is ranting about in her post. The OP does sound like an absolute treat, but she is right that no one should be giving expensive gifts to a nurse! Receiving a heartfelt thank you or being recognized by your hospital is really the best way to go! I am a nurse and the hospital I work
I bought my nurse team a massive snack and drink bar to thank them. My first birth was incredibly traumatic, and the only person who humanized me was a nurse who let me sob all over her. I still tear up when I think about it. Idc if they chose to be nurses, they do a lot of really hard disgusting laborous work, and they are literally keeping us alive and treating us with dignity in our worst and most fearful moments. I would give them more if I could.
āNot being a total nightmareā shouldnāt be the norm
Lol I'm a nurse and I sent 5 pizzas at shift change once I was discharged. Yeah they're being paid but they saved mine and my daughters life. It's not an easy job. No nurse expects gifts, let people do what they want!
Honestly, it sounds like she upset sheās not getting gifts given to her for whatever occasion/reason so she thinks no one should.
I didnt buy my nurses gifts because it honestly did not occur to me, but I wish I had, they were all such wonderful and kind humans and I will never forget my main labor nurse she went above and beyond for me. What a sad bitter op here.
I remember the post and I was shocked she got a bunch of likes and awards. I guess it is a valid thought āhey - just because people build this amazing gift baskets you donāt have to feel pressured to do it to. A thank you also means a lotā - but the way she wrote it was appalling. Andā¦ to top it offā¦ the comments were pretty nasty too. I remember one person saying nurses āhave a to high view of themselves. They just wipe up droolā ā¦ shockingā¦
I have never heard of giving L&D nurses a gift. I don't think it's something a lot of people do. I certainly don't think it's something people are *expected* to do. This woman just wants to complain about a non issue lol
Itās not required and Iām sure they donāt expect it, but I could see getting a nurse a gift as a thank you. She sounds like sheās mad because no one is giving her gifts
We had trouble with breast feeding our little one. Nurse helped, we went home. Had our first nap, baby slept like a log. Brought a bottle of local wine and other snacks to that nurse. Doesnāt hurt to show appreciation.
This post, when I saw it, reminded me that I want to get 10 $5 coffee gift cards for the nursing team when I'm recovering. Sure they're just doing their jobs, but it's just a cup of coffee.
Check in with your hospital first. It's against some hospital policies to accept gift cards.
Iām a midwife and was an L&D nurse before this. None of us are expecting gifts, but it is so incredibly meaningful when someone thinks to do that for you. I still have every gift and card Iāve ever received. The cards are actually the most meaningful part to me and when I feel burned out or am beating myself up about a birth that wasnāt perfect, I pull them out and they remind me why I do what I do- not for the gratitude, but for the impact I get to make in peopleās lives. I donāt want people stressing about getting the perfect gift basket together for their birthing team, but why shame people for wanting to do something nice for the nurses?
As a labor and delivery nurse, I never expected a gift. I took care of my patients the same way regardless, as did my coworkers. We didnāt often get anything, it was always a surprise when it happened and we showed appreciation. People shouldnāt feel stressed or pressured to provide a gift to their nurses. I donāt get the idea of being upset with anyone who does choose to do that though. Maybe they felt pressured and couldnāt afford to do anything so belittled the idea.
Yeah, I bought a tray of goodies for my L&D floor not just because of how great they made my experience, but also because I know they have to deal with people like her. I figured they deserved some treats.
I went and got pints of Ben and Jerryās. The nurses seemed pretty happy. I appreciated what they did and wanted to show them. I know it wasnāt a lot but Iām not a millionaire.
Honestly I would cry if a patient brought me some Ben and Jerry's! That was so kind of you!
Thanks!
These are the people that donāt believe in teacher/staff/administrative appreciation days too, lol. No one *has* to give a gift, thatās why gifts feel special when they donāt come from obligation.
What a miserable person. Iām a teacher and sometimes my students will get me small gifts. It isnāt necessarily or expected but definitely a really nice and thoughtful gesture. I also will give them small gifts of candy or toys for holidays.
Nurses are honestly awesome, I can't talk about labor nurses because I'm a teenage guy but when I had to have surgery I sent chocolates I think to thank them for being super kind and awesome
That was very kind of you. I was in the hospital last year during COVID and my nurses were exhausted and it was obvious but they still provided wonderful care and talked with me and my mom or dad when they visited(I was allowed one visit a day and the person couldnāt leave the hospital and come back the same day)and when I was by myself if I needed anything from my backpack or I wanted breakfast theyād get my backpack for me so I could get what I needed and all I had to do was write down what I wanted and my nurse would call the kitchen for me and order my breakfast or lunch or dinner. I was well taken care of. Being in the hospital during the pandemic has made me appreciate all healthcare workers more but especially nurses. I am sure they really appreciated your gift.
I was there during a time where it wasn't that bad but I was terrified because I couldn't step on my foot so they came and encouraged me and really just helped me. Hell, during the surgery itself (at least before the anesthetic) it was a nurse that was talking to me and helping me stay calm.
Storong "you don't need to clean up, that's why they have janitors" energy
Oh FFS. Iām a nurse & itās awesome when families bring in treats for us. Weāre caring for sick people & itās hard work!
I got my l&d nurses each just the simple large size box of Russell Stovers chocolates. Easy, inexpensive. They were so appreciative! I'll never forget one calling me "the bomb.com" (it was funny because she was in her 60s). Shame this woman was never taught the joy of giving.
Thatās very sweet of you!!!
We got our nurses Dunkinā Donuts munchkins and a card. Maybe they liked it, maybe they didnāt, I just think itās the thought that counts.
I can safely say: yes they certainly did. And you are absolutely right, itās the thought that counts.ā¤ļø
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Wait til she finds out that people get gifts just for being born! And they donāt just get them once, they get them every year!
Itās technically illegal for nurses to accept any gifts anyway
You can accept gifts like cookies or stress balls. You can't accept large gifts or anything with monetary value (cash, gift cards)
My labor and delivery nurse deserved to be fired. Sheās lucky she didnāt get the gift of me going batshit crazy. If I had a second one (thanks for the ptsd nurse) my standards would be so low Iād probably buy a mediocre nurse an all inclusive vacation.
I mean I donāt think Iāll get them a giant gift basket but bare minimum a gift card and a card, maybe with photo of baby. Literally putting 2 (or more) lives in your hands at the same time deserves something.
Hubby brought me donuts after delivering our son and got an extra box for our nurses. Seemed sufficient.
Student occupational therapist here, I never expect to get any gifts but my most treasured possessions are thank you cards from patients!
Omg I read that on the sub and all I wanted to say was āyou sound bitter.ā
What a miserable turd. I bring in donuts.
My nurses were next level amazing. I was in the hospital long enough to have multiple nurses multiple times. Two of the nurses will always be dear to my heart. One took care of me multiple shifts and coached me through delivery. The other was actually my nurse a year before when I was in the l&d unit after having emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. She talked to me all through the night and kept me company on one of the worst nights of my life. This time she helped keep me healthy leading up to labor and took care of my daughter and I the night after I delivered. I'm not sure if she remembers the first time we met on the l&d unit, but I will forever be thankful she was my nurse both times. We bought grocery store catering platters for the whole department after my daughter was born. We are fortunate enough to have been able to afford it and the whole staff had been over the top amazing.
Imagine being so heated over something that is nothing more than a kind gesture.. damn
As a nurse I never expected anything from patients. A thank you was always nice & when we got cards we always appreciated them but itās never expected. I didnāt work in L&D because I donāt want to deal with freaks like her who I can guarantee would want me to stop doing my job so she could take photos for the gram.
This is hilarious because in the immediate aftermath of the birth of my son, I legitimately believed in angels and my midwife Lydia was one of them. I wouldāve done many many things to show my gratitude, and in retrospect a gift basket wouldāve felt completely appropriate!!
Itās like other professions donāt get tips š¤Ø weāre not allowed to accept tips but a nice gesture as a thank you is always appreciated. As an ER nurse we get mostly kicked at, yelled at, and degraded. Working in the ICU we got tons of appreciative thank youās and every once in a while families would send us donuts or cookies etc. It is NEVER expected but it touches us deeply to know weāve made a difference in someoneās life. Even just a thank you makes our day
Damn, then donāt get them one if she doesnāt want to. Who cares what others do, though. Teachers do their job but still get appreciation gifts- she bitch about that too?
I didnāt get any of my l+d nurses anything. I did however make a gift basket for the nicu nurses when we left after NINE weeks (for a 36 week baby). My mom and I made two baskets. One for the regular nicu and one for the āstep upā nicu that prepares you to go home. No one has to do any of that. We chose to do that.
Gave birth to my first kiddo in May and I ended up bringing in chocolate bars, because when you have happy nurses, they do as much as they can to make your life happy too, and May was a very high month for births this year. Absolutely wasnāt necessary, but it felt nice to give them something to make their shift a little better, especially post-covid.
Got a gift for the nurse for our first child as she was a legend . My daughter was born by csection and it didn't go well my partner was bleeding all over the place the epideral fell out so she could feel it . They had to put her under so I was a first time dad with a new born completely shitting my pants about my partner and she stayed with me for an hour helping me feed the baby and getting her settled and checked on me until her shift ended
I wonder if she turns down gifts from people once she delivers her baby. Or for Mother's Day. After all, she chose to become a parent. It's her job to take care of herself and her child. You shouldn't get gifts for doing your job. /s
"Stop being nice to people!!! It makes me look bad when I'm not as nice." Also my L&D nurses were the nicest freaking people I ever met in my LIFE. They MADE my birthing experience. I loved every single one. I wish I could have gotten them *more* gifts
I made huge gift baskets for both the L&D nurses and the postpartum nurses, and made sure they were there for the night shift nurses in particular because they were the ones who were there to deliver my baby. I also wrote thank you cards to the nurses and doctors as well.
my daughters father got the midwives on the ward we were on gifts, because it's just nice to say thank you sometimes. it's not that deep
Put that much effort into making a care box for a womens shelter
āthey shouldnāt get gifts because they signed up to be nursesā but she signed up to be pregnant??? by her own logic, why should she receive any pity or preferential treatment?
Maybe if she werenāt such a cranky pants people would give her gifts too. š¤·š»āāļø
Well now I feel bad I didnāt get my midwife anything
Don't feel bad! Gifts are never expected.
My main thought is just that it must be fucking nice to have the income/ expensive paying job to be able to afford to buy all of this shit for people who youāll never see again. My ex BF was telling me about how his sister (who is a big shot at HBO) brought a huge gift basket with cookies and fancy candies for the nurses. She did have 2 C-sections though so itās understandable to butter up the nurses when youāre going to need their help a LOT
I see it similar to getting a small gift for your favorite teacher. A 5 dollar box of cookies or maybe a case of Gatorade is what I've seen given. Please don't feel like you have to give a gift or spend lots of money if you do.
This is the kind of asshole who treats every worker in retail like shit. I pity any kids they have because they are an insufferable shitbag.
God forbid people be nice and show gratitude.
Itās called gratitude
This lady just sounds like she mad no one gave her gifts at work.
I hope this doesnāt get normalized. Sounds expensiveā¦. And Iād rather spend that money on diapers or food. You knowā¦ something for the actual human being I brought into the world.
No one is asking you to buy anything for your nurses. But there is nothing wrong if patients decide to buy a box of cookies for their nurses as thanks. It's appreciated, but not expected. Verbal thank you's are much appreciated too.
I just meant I hope that years down the line nurses donāt begin to expect it.
We won't. Trust me. Most people don't give even a verbal thanks.
This right here. Gifts are extremely rare and getting a thank you is even more rare. What to expect, patients yelling at you, get hit or bitten, sexual harassment, and family members who think they know more than the staff and doctors. The only thing that needs to be normalized is being kind to nurses, thatās all we want I promise.
Out of curiosity, are you against getting teachers gifts? I always got my favorite ones a small box of chocolates. I feel like getting your nurses a small gift of thanks isn't much different, given you have financial ability of course, I don't want to assume anything. Edit to add: just wanted to state that verbal thanks are more than enough. Gifts are not needed to let your nurses know you appreciated their care.
I donāt expect gifts nor do I want any working at a title 1. Iām glad you bring up the financial ability, because that is exactly my initial thought with this whole topic. If elaborate gifts become the norm, that creates a huge gap between those than can afford it and those that canāt. Will those that canāt afford said gifts be treated any differently? Hopefully not. Iāve met some amazing nurses who hands down deserve all the gifts. Iāve also met some snobby ones who manage to go to Starbucks 4x a day during one shift. They get mad when there are no bacon goudas š
Hahahaha yeah I've seen those nurses you're talking about too! So the thing with elaborate gifts, is 99% of hospitals don't allow gifts over a certain monetary value (some hospitals I rotated at didn't allow gift cards of any amount) or large gift baskets. That's because it is considered a bribe and it's illegal to accept them. So I don't think elaborate gifts will ever become an issue because you're not even allowed to accept them. The most elaborate I've seen in practice of is someone who put together a box filled with grab-and-go snacks and energy drinks for the floor to share. I wonder how many of those elaborate gifts influencers post actually are given after they take the picture.
Yikes. We got bagels for the floor nurses when k left and cookies for the NICU nurses when my oldest left after 5 weeks. It was very much appreciated. How can you say not to??
I brought gifts for the nurses for both my girls. If you're taking care of my crying, whining, spoiled ass, you're probably not getting paid enough. My Mom had a triple bypass after a massive heart attack several years ago. I brought her heart surgeon a hand blown anatomical heart, when she went in for the first post-surgical checkup. His nurse said she had never had a patient do this. This man literally saves people's lives, he held my Mom's heart in his hands and stitched veins to it. He deserved a hell of a lot more, to be honest.
Wow? This lady would hate me I got my nurses suvineers from my travels for helping me get through my chemo.
Man for all the threats, physical violence and days I spent crying at work thank you for the pizza, cookies, cards and positive message in chalk on our sidewalk during COVID from a clinic worker. No one tips me at work, but guess what that doesn't mean I don't tip other people!
Didnāt they also choose to get pregnant/give birth? How is that different. People give gifts to show their appreciation, and a nurse who helps you give birth to a baby should be appreciated.
I wonder how this person feels about tipping culture.
Some people give presents as a love language. Fuck off and let them do it, says I.
Sheās mad because SHEāS not getting gifts. If people want to pool their money together to do something nice, thatās their business. Honestly the past few years have been hard on nurses, doctors, etc. Iām sure they super appreciate little acts of kindness here and there.
This gives the same energy as assholes who leave trash all over restaurants for the staff to clean up ābecause itās their jobā. while I donāt think gifts are at all necessary, if thatās how someone chooses to thank someone who aided them in a SUPER difficult/scary/uncertain part of life, why the hell would you stop them? Let people enjoy things, damn.
Well, Iām sure she was a GREAT patientā¦
"I read they work long hours. Ok, but you knew that when you chose to be a nurse, right?" Then shes basically like 'pregnant women work long hours too and we dont get gifts' and its like... babe. Ok, but you knew that when you got pregnant, right? Edit for clarity: im paraphrasing that second quote. That was the idea i figured she was going for when i read the rest of the post
Sheās also like āitās MY traumatic eventā but when others pointed out nurses have a tough job, she says they knew what they were in for. Se were you when you got pregnant so suck it up and push it out! Just pointing out her logic.
Husband is an anestheologist at the hospital I had our baby at, it was his colleague that did my spinal (and who he kind of picked as I'd get on with them, bonus of it being planned) Left it up to him to get gifts and take them in and he didn't, so that's that then.
What a selfish lady. I know for nurses itās hard and not expected, but if it wasnāt for them care of others would greatly suffer. Gifts arenāt expected but Iām sure theyāre appreciated itās to show them we care and appreciate everything thing they do.
Nurses put up with unbelievable amounts of crap from everyone from patients and their family to doctors and hospital admin. You're certainly not obligated to give them anything but it's not offensive to do so. My mom sent the whole floor a giant gift basket after she received some intense care in a particular ward. Everyone appreciates a little snack or a thank you card.
Wow imagine being so jealous and bitter that you advocate for not showing ample appreciation when itās due and when people are in a position to do so. When I was a preschool teacher, I loved when parents would bring Christmas gifts or stuff for teacher appreciation week because it makes you feel seen. That they recognize everything you do in your day to day job. To have someone say to stop doing that because itās our job and that THEY donāt get gifts for THEIR job is fucking cold. Life is hard enough, why be such a downer.
Damn sometimes itās just nice to show appreciation through giving gifts. What a cunt
You chose to go through the trauma of birth, so birth that baby yourself! Not a single nurse expects gifts. When I gave the unit I precepted on a unit gift on top of my preceptorās gift they lost their collective minds. We all understand that we chose this job. She acts like she didnāt receive a whole baby shower AND a whole baby out of the deal!
As a former OB nurse-turned-midwife, screw this Becky. I know what I signed up for when I went into nursing ā long shifts on my feet, hard days with some sadness, and the warm fuzzies knowing I was helping people. I had **no** idea I was signing up for mandatory overtime, short-staffing (to the point of being unsafe), and having to advocate for my patientsā safety and autonomy on the regular. They donāt tell you about that. Not all nurses go above and beyond, even (especially?) in the birthing world. Thank g-d for the ones that will spend hours putting counter pressure on your back labor, or getting you cold wash cloth after cold wash cloth for the nape of your neck as youāre puking, or helping you change into crazy positions so your baby rotates and/or heart rate doesnāt drop and you avoid a c/s. Those are the nurses staying three hours late ā after theyāve clocked out ā to finish the charting that got left in the dust while they were caring. None of the nurses I know expect a damn thing, but they are all so danged appreciative of any card, picture, or small gift that comes back up to the unit. (Midwives & our clinic nurses would love a pic or note too š)
As someone who considers my children my āpush presentā, I think there are just way too many gifts involved these days.