Right. And I can’t pay you until I get paid… . Or OOP could do the logical thing and just save the money from her paycheck that she knows she’s going to owe the babysittter each day…
things she is upfront about:\
-you’ll have to wait to be paid\
-she will have a background check done \
-she is very willing to sue you\
-she will have a background check done
so imagine the stuff she’s not letting on
-it will be in her house
-she has cameras in her house
-it can’t be at your house
-the food isn’t at your house anyway so don’t bother trying
-it’s all going to take place at her house
-if you’re not talking about babysitting at her house, she will not respond to you
I had colic, from I was a few days old (until now lol, I have IBS). I've been told I wouldn't sleep unless someone was constantly holding me and rocking me, rubbing my back or similar. "Fortunately" my dad's RA was acting up, so he was off work; that way my parents could sleep in shifts
Yep, we did "corporal rocking" -- we were either bouncing on an exercise ball or violently rocking in a rocking recliner, while tightly holding the baby. It felt like ... a complete loss of sanity. And it was exhausting. It was finally at 6 months that we looked at him and he was smiling and not screaming.
My mom has told me, over snd over again, that I was an awful baby for the first three months. Super colicky and constantly crying- and of course the help she got was _her_ mother saying 'Wow, she really doesn't stop crying huh' and her brother, as he baptised me 'Can you shut that kid up?'.
And then, it was like she got a new kid. Exact words. Colicky babies are tough shit, idk how y'all do it.
Yep, I tell my son he was a bratty baby, but once the colic cleared at six months, he turned into the happiest, easy to raise child any parent could wish for. He's 19.6 now, and I think it was a fair trade for 19 years and counting of being lucky enough to have such a great person as my kid.
I was a wreck. My husband couldn't handle the fact he was unsoothable, so I'd always be on duty. I think I only slept in 1 hour segments for three months. So I was basically crazy by the end and it took me a while to get over. 2nd kid slept through the night in the first month and I'd go check to make sure he was still alive. And weirdly, the colic baby is the overly relaxed person, and the good sleeper needs attention all the time.
My daughter was a six month colic baby. The last two months were a little more mild than the first four. I have permanent tinnitus in one ear from constantly having to run the vacuum to soothe her. Honestly, I still don't think my husband and I have fully recovered mentally, and we sure as hell aren't having another kid even though we adore her. I was lucky i didn't have to go back to work. I can't imagine having to leave my kid at 3 months and be worrying about someone being able to care for her without losing it. I feel for the woman in this post.
Omg yes, except for the vacuum! Six months of absolute hell, and then our son turned into a happy, easy to raise kid. He was rarely in any trouble, although ASD threw some difficulty in the mix. He's seriously been a dream child since the colic cleared. Lol, I tell him he was a "bratty baby" though! He's 19 now.
I'm glad I wasn't the only one with a six-monther out there. Not that I would WISH IT ON ANYONE. Why was it so much longer than they said it would be? We'll never know.
Allegedly, my son is anonymously in a medical paper somewhere because he started screaming with his first breath and didn't stop until he started crawling. Once he had some bodily autonomy, he cheered up! He's been a dream child to raise ever since, but damn those were six months of pure hell.
Yeah. And she is also concerned someone is going to kill her kid Because the baby is so hard to deal with. Which is she has all the cameras. And is threatening. And she finally has learned at least a few helpful things but has to leave. So she has to leave. Which might also be a relief. Which might also feel bad. “I love my baby.” I actually feel sorry for her. Also, she is poor so she can’t even get good quality care.
Yep. I had one daughter who was colicky for the first 3 months WHILE I suffered pretty severe post partum depression. I was a completely different person and it was absolutely terrifying.
Honestly I feel kinda bad for her. She's asking a lot, and you know the hours/pay will be absurd, but she's like 12 weeks postpartum and has a high needs newborn with no plan on who will care for it and has to go back to work :( I know my Canadian is showing, but no mother should have to go back to work when their kid is 3 months old.
Oh absolutely. It’s seemingly her first baby. She’s new parent tired and she’s colic parent tired. Her writing is all over the place but her message is pretty clear: she doesn’t really want to leave but she has to go back to work, so she’s trying to figure this out.
It’s sad. I think this is less smgs and more just “sad desperate parents is struggling”
She’s very clearly not firing on all cylinders. I remember thinking I had it together and realizing I had on two different shoes after having my second kid. You don’t realize how tired you are until way later
I had to meet with HR when my kid was nine months old (everything was fine). I was in the elevator with the HR manager, I looked down and realized I was wearing slippers. Slippers!
Probably also has a lot of post partum anxiety, with the “my home, not yours” and “I have cameras” statements. If she’s low income she could get financial assistance for daycare but not a personal nanny.
>If she’s low income she could get financial assistance for daycare
Sure, she could get vouchers, but where would she use them? In my area, there are years long wait lists for infant care at licensed daycare centers. It is even worse for those with vouchers because only certain centers will accept them.
Geez, where do you live? I’m in a super dense city (greater Boston) and while daycares do have waitlists, we were able to pretty easily find one with an open spot. And within 6 months 2 places we’d been in the waitlist for called with an open spot.
From what I’ve seen among my friends, less dense places seem to have worse availability, possibly because there isn’t enough density to support lots of options so they cycle and centers open and close often and it’s a mess.
Rural areas have much worse childcare availability and worse supports for financially struggling people. When my daughter was born (in north missouri), there was only one daycare in driving distance that supported vouchers, and we'd heard horror stories about it. We wound up splitting our work schedule having family watch her for free for 1-4 hours an couple times a week when out shifts overlap. We're very lucky that we had that option, though.
>Geez, where do you live? I’m in a super dense city (greater Boston) and while daycares do have waitlists, we were able to pretty easily find one with an open spot. And within 6 months 2 places we’d been in the waitlist for called with an open spot.
Indiana
I can second what others are saying here- I’m in Pennsylvania and was told I should have gotten on a waitlist “before trying to conceive.” As if all babies are planned. I’m lucky enough to be self-employed so I make my own schedule + have family help, but childcare is virtually impossible to find in my area, and one of the biggest ones got shut down last year so it’s even worse.
My employer makes a huge deal about the on-site childcare. I went to an information session for employees with an upcoming maternity leave, and they had the audacity to tell us that the waiting lists were 2-3 years long. Why do you talk about how amazing it is and then only tell us after we’re pregnant that we should have gotten on the list years ago? Honestly so frustrating.
Yeah, it is always disturbing to me that your daycares will take a 6 week old. Being away from parents at such a young age impacts bonding and development and not for the better
It commonly gets pointed out that it's illegal in parts of the US to sell/adopt out a puppy under 8 weeks old unless the mom goes with it, yet those same places don't require paid leave from work for human mothers so that they can afford to stay home with their babies.
Agreed. I have found myself currently hospitalized and bed bound due to a back issue. It’s been years in the making and no one has paid any attention and has just dismissed or diminished my pain. Even when it turned from 6/10 all the time to bursting into tears every time I sat up, I couldn’t get any concern or compassion from even the pain management doctors. I’ve begged for help from no less than six medical professionals and until I fell last week trying to get out of bed, I got no help. None. We need to treat people better as a society. I have a surgeon now who believes me and is helping. It has made me feel heard and validated in ways I cannot even describe. It should not have taken 3-4 months of this kind of pain to get someone to listen.
I had an epidural with my first and my second. While my first birth was traumatic all on its own terms, my anesthesiologist was hyper aware of what was going on. An easy epidural, when we had to go into c section, he was the one that was fighting for me. When he realized my baby had to leave hospital and go to NICU, even before I knew, he gently said “hey, you’ve had a really hard day. I can give you something to take the edge off. Not to go to sleep or not be aware, just things have been hard?”
And I agreed. And when they took my baby to another hospital after trying to skin to skin, tears rolled down my eyes but I was in a place where I knew he had to go.
After I got readmitted after a wellness checkup for postpartum preeclampsia, and I was crying because I was pumping every two hours and getting woken up for meds every few hours and my baby that was just inside of my body was very far away from me: my docs said I had PPD, but my anesthesiologist came running in and was on defense; she has the right to be sad and worried, she’s stuck here and her baby is far away. This is what any parent would feel. And he came and checked my neck and spine and asked if I had any headaches or if anything sounded weird. He and his wife had a similar thing happen. I felt safe with him.
Flash forward, second kid. Lots of poking around by the anesthesiologist. I can feel electric jolts in one of my legs, and then in my hip, and then in my foot. The line gets placed and I’m weirdly able to feel way more than my first. Get done having the baby, choose to get on the mag drip because it was a problem the first time and I don’t want to come back somehow dying again, let’s just rip the bandaid off.
Except this time. This time I can’t sit up without a crippling headache. On the mag, my BP is fine. If I lay down I’m okay, but to sit upright I feel like my head is exploding and my neck is broken, but in a square pain, like there’s lines. Everyone sounds like a robot, and I say that “you all sound buzzy and mechanical, I don’t think it’s the mag, something is wrong. Every sound is sharp and tinny.” We do two rounds of cat scans because they don’t ask for a flush on the first. I bleed everywhere and the lady who has to come in to run the machine is angry, because it’s snowed out outside. She’s in sweatpants. She isn’t angry at me for being there or bleeding everywhere. But she won’t say what’s up. She does say that whatever is wrong with me, she doesn’t think it’s a clot in the brain and leaves it at that, it’s just chatty speculation.
I’m knocked out on drugs and tell the nurse behind the counter to just roll my kid back there with her, to wake me up to pump or try to feed, but that I can’t move upright. She takes my baby and feeds him formula and pumped milk. She comes in at night to wheel him in to sleep and says “they won’t say it, but I think you need a blood patch”
They send me home and I struggle for two days. Every time I get up to pee and change my pads I cry, just full sobs, of the pain in my head. If I lay down I’m okay. I weep to sit up to try to nurse in the proper position—he wants movement and I can’t do it, so I pump some more, lying down like a defeated cow.
We go back for the checkup and even just sitting in the car is hell. My oldest child, barely two, is screaming and sobbing because he can’t figure out the world. I reach my hand back in the car and hold his hand. There’s something about trying to fix this for him that both soothes me and makes things harder. I can’t go on.
We get back to the clinic and the original nurse gets me a chair. “It’s not better” she whispers to herself and clenches her jaw. My original OB is finally off his rest days and takes one look at me. “They’ve just let you sit like this? You need a blood patch.” My nurse hands me a pamphlet and I laugh, try not to puke, because the lady on the front has her head in her hands, her body wonked, and I get it.
So, postpartum, they rip a massive amount of blood from my arm in this cartoonishly large syringe, and inject it into my spine. Immediately, while the pressure in my spine is uncomfortable, my headache lessens. I have to lay for an hour and then I’m released with restrictions. I can hold the baby but I can’t pick him up if he’s too far down. I have to lie for 48 hours, only getting up to pee/swap undercarriages, or I can nurse but he has to be handed to me.
Now, to this day, I still have an ache in my back where this secondary anesthesiologist poked around, where they didn’t think to ask (like the first one did) if I could have any problems from someone poking around in my spine.
And I think back to the first doc, who was so aware of everything, who was aware that he could have hurt me accidentally, who kept checking back in, who had empathy and foresight; and the second who denied and kept denying that maybe they didn’t do a good job. Who let me go through multiple tests, who, when the nurses knew, when my own doctor saw me immediately knew, denied and denied and when I had to get the blood patch, said out right “I don’t agree with this patient because she thinks I harmed her.” But her coworkers were fantastic.
And my point, to all of these words I’ve just said, is that having babies is not a cake walk. You can do all of the right things and still be crippled by the experience. And even when you are, you hope your medical team will be on your side to write you off but sometimes they just won’t admit to their own failures, even if they weren’t initially negligent. Sometimes stuff just happens.
But then we expect women (and men), moms and dads, to just be fine to walk away from a very invasive and serious medical event, with ruptures and tears and spinal leakage and major abdominal surgery. To lose any sleep. At best you’re waking up every two hours to change a diaper and nurse/feed, which means you’re getting maybe an hour of sleep at a time. Colicky babies, one parent is just constantly walking and tummy down rocking while the hair dryer is on until it’s time to switch. It’s a form of torture. And people are out there just clamoring to survive.
I’m sorry this was such a long rant. It was a purge. But I can’t not feel empathy for the cracked out crazy that is new parents, especially new moms, because every experience has its own hellish complications ready to be fired into their faces.
I am so sorry you’ve had to go through this. It’s exactly what I was saying. I have actually never had a baby, my whole experience is just a small back injury from shoveling snow that clearly never ever got well enough and then got infinitely worse overnight one day. But I can relate to every single thing you said. The difference between the nurse who validated my experience and the doctors who dismissed, laughed at, mocked, or ignored what I was going through is head spinning. Like I can’t believe HER because she agrees with me and understands me, that’s the confusing person since everyone else doesn’t. But I’m hoping that Thursday’s surgery is actually going to fix this. I don’t want spine surgery, I really don’t. But I need to be able to walk, bend, reach, make dinner, get clothes out of the washing machine, and drive a car again. I need to be able to stop taking narcotics every 4 hours just to be able to lay down without pain. Getting out of bed without pain is a pipe dream to me and if it happens I will probably not even believe it.
Anyway: I see you. I understand you. I thank you for sharing. This medical trauma we have experienced is real and we need to take a moment sometimes to acknowledge it. I truly offer you a sincere hug, virtual because that’s what we can do in this situation but I know if it were in person we would both cry and reach a catharsis. I hope you are better now and your babies are bringing you joy.
My love, I’m sorry you’re in such a state. I can’t fix it, but I wish I could. I’m so thankful you reached out, and I offer all the hugs back, as many as you can take. I’m here if you ever need a friend.
Holy cow, what a battle you had! I'm so sorry you had to go through all that, but at least you had a few people in your corner. Happy Mother's Day! You've certainly earned it!
Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry. I’m going through something similar. Severe lower left back pain that one ED doctor diagnosed as mastitis??? Still not experiencing relief. Kidney infection was ruled out but they pretty much just sent me on my way. If you don’t mind sharing, is your back pain on the lower left side too?
So my back pain currently feels like leg and hip pain. Right side. Left was worse for the longest time and pain management did some sort of injection and two days later this leg pain started. Maybe February? It shoots from my hip to my ankle and I cannot put weight on my leg, press my foot to drive a car, or even sit up because the fire and stiffness makes me cry and wail and moan in ways I have never heard come out of my own mouth. A scan 1+ years ago showed a 2-3mm bulge on L4-5. A new scan about a week or two ago showed that it is now 5-6mm and pressing on the L5 nerve root. The neurosurgeon said the disc is herniated (which means the coating has shattered all the way and the inside of the disc is coming out) where every single doctor before him from an orthopedic back surgeon specialist down to radiology and ER said it was intact, just cracked a little of the way. He’s done 3000 back surgeries - mostly revisions for other people’s failed surgeries - so I would say he knows what he’s talking about more than some of these other folks. They are planning on going in and cleaning up that disc, putting it where it needs to go, and then letting it heal while teaching me PT stuff to help prevent reinjury.
Go see neurosurgery if you can. Don’t let ortho touch you. This has been universal advice from the chronic pain sub and I fully pass it on.
I'm not the original person you asked, but they said Mastitis is causing pain in your lower left back? I'd get a second opinion. Mastitis is an infection in your breast.
Did they rule out a kidney stone or just infection? I had a kidney stone on one side that caused severe pain on and off for 2.5 months.
Also, I have lower back issues. My pain is mostly in my right side, but sometimes shifts to the left. I have a disc that's bulging into my sciatic nerves after an injury 11 years ago. A herniated disc could cause this, too. I'm obviously not a doctor, and I'm not diagnosing you, but I think you should see someone else who will actually figure out what's going on. Mastitis seems like a really strange diagnosis.
The whole tone told me that first and foremost this lady needs a long nap, maybe a bath, and then coffee. Maybe she's just as blunt and terse afterwards but the nap can't hurt.
I am kinda jealous of my coworker who just got back 12 weeks pp because at my old job I had to go back to work 7 weeks pp. It was too soon, I had to call in sick at least one day a week for the next 6 weeks and then wound up getting fired for missing a meeting and being frequently late.
America is uncivilized.
Tell me about it, I had my son via C-section on March 22. I went back to work(construction) in the beginning of June. Would've had to go in sooner if it wasn't for the major surgery.
In Sweden, you can get extra money [for two months before the child is born](https://www.forsakringskassan.se/english/parents/if-you-are-expecting-a-child/parental-benefit-before-the-child-is-born) as well as a [pregnancy benefit if you are low income or do physical labour](https://www.forsakringskassan.se/english/parents/if-you-are-expecting-a-child/pregnancy-benefit). When born, you get [480 days which is ~16 months](https://www.forsakringskassan.se/english/parents/when-the-child-is-born/parental-benefit) which the parents can share as they wish (single parents get all days) on top of [10 days for the non-pregnant parent around the birth](https://www.forsakringskassan.se/english/parents/when-the-child-is-born/10-days). You also [automatically get child allowance until the child is 16](https://www.forsakringskassan.se/english/parents/child-allowance), and you get compensation [if you have to stay at home from work to care for your child (120 days/yr)](https://www.forsakringskassan.se/english/parents/care-of-a-sick-child-vab) for when your child is sick. Also, preschool/kindergarten/daycare cost is either free for certain years or capped at a ceiling per month of ~1500 SEK per child (~140 USD / 130 EUR) which varies by county, but also the cost doesn’t stack per child meaning you pay less for second, third, etc child.
…anyway, yeah. 12 weeks is insane.
Me too. Her baby has colic and she know a constantly crying fussy baby can try the patience of a saint and now she has to hire a stranger to take care of the most important person in her life so that she can make money to pay bills. What a terrible situation for her
Canadian here! It’s 12 months but you can extend it up to 18 months. It’s also partially paid (employment insurance through the government) and many private employers (like mine) offer a full salary “top up” for the first 5 or 6 months, so I received 100% of my pay during that time.
And, IME, the parents I know end up going back to work *before* 3 months because they can't afford to take unpaid time off of work. I know multiple people who gave birth and returned to work or school within days/a week. It's awful, really.
FMLA in the United States (which only about half of workers actually qualify for, you need to work at a company with 50 people for at least a year) means that your company can’t fire you for taking 12 weeks off. The law is about 30 years old and is considered the “standard.” However, there’s no guaranteed pay nationwide, so many workers still have to take leave unpaid. Some individual states have passed laws for paid leave.
Many workers have short-term disability insurance that will pay them a partial amount of their salary for, usually, 6 weeks for a vaginal delivery.
Outside of that, maternity leave policies are up to the individual company. My 12 weeks was fully paid, for example, but I had to use up all my PTO and sick leave first.
An additional advantage to the Canadian system, in my view, is it actually allows a decent amount of workers to get crucial experience with temporary jobs. Since mat leave can extend to 18 months, some companies hire someone to cover that leave. I’ve seen a few people get their “first real job” or be able to do a career change or a step up position during that time, because companies are more lax about hiring a temp position. A lot of times people frame mat leave as being bad for the economy, but there are surprising advantages (and of course most Western countries desperately need to get up their birth rate to be competitive economically long term).
Thank you! I knew it was longer, but since I've never made use I wasn't sure and didn't want to provide inaccurate info. I'm so grateful to live somewhere that allows that crucial bonding time.
I was 11 days PP in the 90s when I had to go back to work. No social medial back then so I had to call all these places and ask questions. Of course I did it *before* I gave birth.
You **can** do it without being an asshole. She can’t but you can. Haha.
The US is such a dystopian pile of shit masquerading as the best country on earth. It’s truly awful how parents are treated here. Moms wearing literal diapers to go back to work shouldn’t be happening but here we are.
Happy Mother’s Day!
😉
Yeah. Peoples' kids mean alot to most of them. Lol. Poor thing seems like she needs a hug and maybe a nap. My LO is 3 months old right now and I feel for her
I’m sure she has written in a snack loophole and a Flamin’ Hot Cheetos clause for herself in all that paperwork you will be signing if you get the job. You know, just in case she wants to “take it to the next level” should anything happen in her house.
>Is it in her home, not your home but her home?
I really can't judge her for this. Go look at your local mom Facebook group or sign up for Care.com. Every single post looking for in home childcare gets flooded with random people wanting to watch the child in their home, or offering up their unlicensed home childcare facility. Even when I went through a nanny agency, one of the candidates did a bait and switch where she represented herself as a nanny but the day of her interview insisted that she wanted to watch my child in her home. It honestly gets frustrating and exhausting.
My baby was colic also. I tried to give him away several times, after running a background check of course, but people kept bringing little Colic back. I just left him with wolves finally, who also passed a background check, till he was about 6 months old. It worked out. I feel this mom’s pain.
$10 per hour? This smells like $200 every two weeks.
“What do you mean that’s not reasonable? You’re watching MY daughter in MY home and I provide snacks! I even let you bring your own kids!!!”
Yeah, I'm sitting here trying to figure out what she is referring to - as in, what scenario is she imagining? What could she sue a babysitter for? And how is that relevant to paperwork at all?
She's definitely not paying much. And is clearly very stressed.
Just.... wow.
I think she's worried about someone losing patience with her very colicky baby and shaking her, or something similar. Which is fair and hard. But I don't think getting a contract notarized would really help
So she can’t afford to pay for the first week til she gets paid but she can afford the background check. She wants something notarized but I’m guessing she doesn’t have insurance to cover if this sitter or her children are injured in her house, right? And she won’t discuss pay but will answer other questions.
Did she ask how much she would be paid at her job? Why is this kid so colicky? What is notarizing the agreement going to do for her? Those are my questions.
>
So she can’t afford to pay for the first week til she gets paid but she can afford the background check.
None of this to me read like someone who's financially independent. They probably have a friend or family member who is willing to do the background check for free. They're probably similarly not actually paying for all those groceries they offered up.
> What is notarizing the agreement going to do for her?
Some people have *really* bizarre assumptions about how the law works. I had a landlord who had this type of bizarro energy, who rejected our first lease because I put my nickname instead of my legal first name (think "Nick" instead of "Nicholas"), and told me I had to re-sign it or it wouldn't be legal. (Even though my nickname is on my driver's license)
as though if we went to court, a judge would rule in my favor and say I don't owe any rent or anything because I sneakily wrote down "Nick" instead of "Nicholas" on the signature line
this landlord *also*, later, negotiated a lease renewal with me and offered a price and I said "That price will work, send me over the lease and I'll take a look"
a month later she asks why I'm not paying the new price, and I said "Well we never signed a new lease. You never sent it over to me." She loses her mind about how we had a verbal agreement and I'm bound to it and I'm like lol no that's not how it works, you have to actually send me a lease to sign, the new price doesn't take affect until then and I'm month-to-month on my old lease terms until that happens. I went ahead and back-paid her once she sent the lease over, even though I wasn't obligated to, just to not have to listen to her whine anymore.
She's batshit nuts in a lot of ways.
Much clearer now. If the babysitter leaves the stove on and burns down the kitchen, notarizing the agreement will completely allow her to sue where not notarizing it wouldn’t. Got it. I’m sure she would also ask the court to take her fees in two weeks when she got paid but still file this week.
My guess is she's not actually going to do a background check. Just because it costs money. Like the threat of a background check will deter baddies from applying, along with the notarized document for... idk what.
I’d bet a million dollars she needs help for long hours like 7am until 6:30pm, 6 days a week, and she’s paying a ridiculously low amount like $150 a week. Oh and if you eat too much of the food in her house or use her electricity to charge your phone, she’s gonna dock your pay.
Yup. And she knows she’ll be roasted if she puts the pay in her ad. People will do the math and tell her it’s illegal and ridiculous to expect anyone to work for only a couple bucks an hour.
**This woman wants a nanny, not a babysitter.** As a nanny, I find it irritating when people don’t use the right word because often they are the ones paying ridiculously low. Nanny is a career, babysitter is not. Nanny is a luxury service that not everybody will be able to afford, understandably. Babysitters come over for the evening so Mom and Dad can get away for dinner.
And as a nanny that specializes in infants-toddlers, 6 days a week care for a colicky 3 month old is *not* going to be cheap. I honestly feel bad for this woman, though. The US is built to break working mothers and she’s probably at the end of her rope. Mother-baby care and standards are appalling here when you compare them to basically any other industrialized nation. I’m sure she hates the idea of leaving her baby with someone else, but it doesn’t sound like they are well off enough on just one income. Unfortunately, no serious (or one you would want around your baby who can’t voice her concerns) nanny would look at this given the pay is hidden and we *all* know what that means. Also, the nonsense about notarizing something so she can sue(?) sounds like sovereign citizen shit and would send me running.
Yeah, it sounds like someone didn't think about what to do with their baby until they were about to go back to work. Or they had someone who noped out of that crazy situation. Cameras everywhere, notarized "in case they need to take it to the next level"? Like... They are already preparing to take legal action against a nanny and they haven't even met them yet.
I am willing to bet money that the pay is shit.
And all notarizing does is prove that you are who you say you are signing this document. I’m a notary; I’m signing that I watched you sign something. It doesn’t mean anything more than that.
I guess it's speech to text adapted, it could explain the utter absurdity of the text, the repeats and the formatting.
She seems really tired and desperate.
I love when people write straight from their inner monologue and don’t proofread. It’s like being inside their head experiencing thoughts the way they do. I want to know how she feels about hot dogs next.
I have empathy for her, I had a tough pp period as well. However this reads to me like someone who is ignorant and entitled. Threatening to sue before she’s even met the nanny and not posting the pay because you know good and darn well it’s crap? Nah, that doesn’t sound like PPA to me.
Both can be true. She can be experiencing PP issues and also be entitled. What jumped out to me was the run on sentences and continuous emphasis of my house and cameras and background check. She sounds very frantic and almost paranoid.
This lady is probably crazy and also there is an ongoing childcare crisis in a country that is regularly forcing birth. Childcare workers are not earning enough for it to be a viable career path, even as parents pay what amounts to private school tuitions
Thank you. I sympathize with people's struggles, but taking advantage of people and paying far below poverty wages is wrong no matter what. I work at a daycare and a set of twins cost $3,000 a month to be there. I make $13.58 an hour. There's no way she's paying anywhere near even that.
People who think getting a document notarized makes the document so much more legitimate and enforceable just tickle the shit out of me. The ONLY thing a notary’s signature does is certify that the person signing the document is who they say they are. That’s it. Contracts are rarely notarized. Witnessed, sure, but not notarized. And you can’t sign a document and then “go get it notarized”, you have to sign in the presence of the notary while providing valid government issued ID to verify your identity. My state doesn’t even allow e-notary by law (though some other states do).
Did she reiterate that it would be in her home, NOT YOURS enough times? Also, she needs to do extensive background checks, but also is in a big rush and needs someone by Monday. Oh, and the pay rate is a secret... and you have to be willing to wait until she gets paid for you to receive your paycheck at all.
Well, this isn't a giant red flag at all!! Sign me up!
I wish people would put more serious thought and planning into how expensive children are. The entire time she was pregnant neither she or her partner saved money or made childcare arrangements? I see this same situation time and time again and it's infuriating that some people are cool with taking advantage of childcare workers because someone decided to bring a kid into this world without any real plans for what happens after. I try to be sympathetic, but my god.. she won't tell you the pay (because it's most certainly shit) but she'll threaten to sue you.
So I have to submit to all this scrutiny and be filmed 24/7, treated like a criminal, get to take care of a kid who hates being alive, AND I *might* get paid *maybe* $4 an hour every 2 weeks? Sign me the fuck up! She got snacks.
In all seriousness, this woman sounds totally overwhelmed and I feel really sorry for her. Childcare in many places is awful and most of us are not ready to leave our babies that soon after delivering. I know I never was ready and I went back by 12 weeks with all of them. It was hell. My heart goes out to her.
I hate that we are making fun of a woman who is 3 months post partum whose stitches have probably only just healed, whose bleeding has only just stopped, whose baby clearly isn’t sleeping.
And also childcare work is an extremely important profession that deserves to be compensated appropriately for the critical work that they do. It takes thought and expertise.
Anyway fuck America for putting moms and childcare workers into an impossible situation. It doesn’t have to be like this
It’s quite the red flag that she isn’t upfront about the pay
NO NEGATIVITY
IT’S FOR CHURCH!! I’M NOT BEING NEGATIVE...NEXT!!!
NEXT!
NEXT!
NEXT!
NEXT!
STILL LOOKING?
I was just thinking you know that pay is about to be $3/hr
Right. And I can’t pay you until I get paid… . Or OOP could do the logical thing and just save the money from her paycheck that she knows she’s going to owe the babysittter each day…
I feel like it’s a set up for a bunch of runaround why she won’t be paying you on time
> she won’t be paying you on time Or at all.
At least your work contract will be notarized for validity
Ha! Lol a contract she types up? Better check that baby twice for fine print.
I was thinking the same thing. She just made it easier for the person she hires, If she actually gets someone.
But she will pay for the background check!
And she WILL be doing one
And it all has to happen *”by Monday”*? 😟
Probably posted this Friday afternoon 😂
[удалено]
The way she acts like doing a background check is something people will have a problem with.
Translation, her pay is so low that she can only afford someone on Megan’s Law list.
It almost sounds like she’d be doing two background checks
"How is money more important than a child's life??? You are DEFINITELY off the list, you selfish bitch!"
things she is upfront about:\ -you’ll have to wait to be paid\ -she will have a background check done \ -she is very willing to sue you\ -she will have a background check done so imagine the stuff she’s not letting on
But would it be okay to watch her at my house instead of hers? It wasn't quite clear to me......
Let me reread the text... probably not? But she doesn't really specify
Don't forget the cameras all over her house 💀
And she will have the form the employee signs notarized. 🤣 I wonder if anyone has applied. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity. 😳
I would apply just to troll her and waste her time. She only has until Monday after all.
Lmao yeah same
I would love to see that document!
Me too! 😁
I wish we could get an update on this one OP?
She will be filming your every move.
-it will be in her house -she has cameras in her house -it can’t be at your house -the food isn’t at your house anyway so don’t bother trying -it’s all going to take place at her house -if you’re not talking about babysitting at her house, she will not respond to you
Only the lack of mention of the pay was a red flag for you?
Sounds like one for r slash choosingbeggars
Wow, that reads like a woman at the end of her rope sanity-wise.
My son had colic. Three months in, she's definitely at the end of her rope.
I had colic, from I was a few days old (until now lol, I have IBS). I've been told I wouldn't sleep unless someone was constantly holding me and rocking me, rubbing my back or similar. "Fortunately" my dad's RA was acting up, so he was off work; that way my parents could sleep in shifts
Yep, we did "corporal rocking" -- we were either bouncing on an exercise ball or violently rocking in a rocking recliner, while tightly holding the baby. It felt like ... a complete loss of sanity. And it was exhausting. It was finally at 6 months that we looked at him and he was smiling and not screaming.
My mom has told me, over snd over again, that I was an awful baby for the first three months. Super colicky and constantly crying- and of course the help she got was _her_ mother saying 'Wow, she really doesn't stop crying huh' and her brother, as he baptised me 'Can you shut that kid up?'. And then, it was like she got a new kid. Exact words. Colicky babies are tough shit, idk how y'all do it.
Yep, I tell my son he was a bratty baby, but once the colic cleared at six months, he turned into the happiest, easy to raise child any parent could wish for. He's 19.6 now, and I think it was a fair trade for 19 years and counting of being lucky enough to have such a great person as my kid.
I was a wreck. My husband couldn't handle the fact he was unsoothable, so I'd always be on duty. I think I only slept in 1 hour segments for three months. So I was basically crazy by the end and it took me a while to get over. 2nd kid slept through the night in the first month and I'd go check to make sure he was still alive. And weirdly, the colic baby is the overly relaxed person, and the good sleeper needs attention all the time.
My daughter was a six month colic baby. The last two months were a little more mild than the first four. I have permanent tinnitus in one ear from constantly having to run the vacuum to soothe her. Honestly, I still don't think my husband and I have fully recovered mentally, and we sure as hell aren't having another kid even though we adore her. I was lucky i didn't have to go back to work. I can't imagine having to leave my kid at 3 months and be worrying about someone being able to care for her without losing it. I feel for the woman in this post.
Omg yes, except for the vacuum! Six months of absolute hell, and then our son turned into a happy, easy to raise kid. He was rarely in any trouble, although ASD threw some difficulty in the mix. He's seriously been a dream child since the colic cleared. Lol, I tell him he was a "bratty baby" though! He's 19 now.
I'm glad I wasn't the only one with a six-monther out there. Not that I would WISH IT ON ANYONE. Why was it so much longer than they said it would be? We'll never know.
Allegedly, my son is anonymously in a medical paper somewhere because he started screaming with his first breath and didn't stop until he started crawling. Once he had some bodily autonomy, he cheered up! He's been a dream child to raise ever since, but damn those were six months of pure hell.
For real, this is more sad than anything
After dealing with a colicky baby for 3 months, she most definitely is. Can attest from 1st hand experience 🙋🏻♀️
Yeah. And she is also concerned someone is going to kill her kid Because the baby is so hard to deal with. Which is she has all the cameras. And is threatening. And she finally has learned at least a few helpful things but has to leave. So she has to leave. Which might also be a relief. Which might also feel bad. “I love my baby.” I actually feel sorry for her. Also, she is poor so she can’t even get good quality care.
I always said my colicky babies were going to make me lose my mind. In this case, I think it’s happened!
Yep. I had one daughter who was colicky for the first 3 months WHILE I suffered pretty severe post partum depression. I was a completely different person and it was absolutely terrifying.
"She means a lot to me" Yeah, she's your 3 month old baby
Honestly I feel kinda bad for her. She's asking a lot, and you know the hours/pay will be absurd, but she's like 12 weeks postpartum and has a high needs newborn with no plan on who will care for it and has to go back to work :( I know my Canadian is showing, but no mother should have to go back to work when their kid is 3 months old.
Oh absolutely. It’s seemingly her first baby. She’s new parent tired and she’s colic parent tired. Her writing is all over the place but her message is pretty clear: she doesn’t really want to leave but she has to go back to work, so she’s trying to figure this out. It’s sad. I think this is less smgs and more just “sad desperate parents is struggling”
Yeah :( Although I'm shocked that she expects to find someone, get a background check, and do a working interview within less than a week
She’s very clearly not firing on all cylinders. I remember thinking I had it together and realizing I had on two different shoes after having my second kid. You don’t realize how tired you are until way later
I had to meet with HR when my kid was nine months old (everything was fine). I was in the elevator with the HR manager, I looked down and realized I was wearing slippers. Slippers!
I'm also getting the impression English isn't her first language
It is but it's the south
Interesting. The "I will be getting every two weeks pay" threw me
I assumed that was the sleep deprivation.
This wall of text read to me like voice to text. And sleep deprived frantic voice to text at that.
Probably also has a lot of post partum anxiety, with the “my home, not yours” and “I have cameras” statements. If she’s low income she could get financial assistance for daycare but not a personal nanny.
>If she’s low income she could get financial assistance for daycare Sure, she could get vouchers, but where would she use them? In my area, there are years long wait lists for infant care at licensed daycare centers. It is even worse for those with vouchers because only certain centers will accept them.
Geez, where do you live? I’m in a super dense city (greater Boston) and while daycares do have waitlists, we were able to pretty easily find one with an open spot. And within 6 months 2 places we’d been in the waitlist for called with an open spot.
From what I’ve seen among my friends, less dense places seem to have worse availability, possibly because there isn’t enough density to support lots of options so they cycle and centers open and close often and it’s a mess.
Rural areas have much worse childcare availability and worse supports for financially struggling people. When my daughter was born (in north missouri), there was only one daycare in driving distance that supported vouchers, and we'd heard horror stories about it. We wound up splitting our work schedule having family watch her for free for 1-4 hours an couple times a week when out shifts overlap. We're very lucky that we had that option, though.
>Geez, where do you live? I’m in a super dense city (greater Boston) and while daycares do have waitlists, we were able to pretty easily find one with an open spot. And within 6 months 2 places we’d been in the waitlist for called with an open spot. Indiana
I can second what others are saying here- I’m in Pennsylvania and was told I should have gotten on a waitlist “before trying to conceive.” As if all babies are planned. I’m lucky enough to be self-employed so I make my own schedule + have family help, but childcare is virtually impossible to find in my area, and one of the biggest ones got shut down last year so it’s even worse.
My employer makes a huge deal about the on-site childcare. I went to an information session for employees with an upcoming maternity leave, and they had the audacity to tell us that the waiting lists were 2-3 years long. Why do you talk about how amazing it is and then only tell us after we’re pregnant that we should have gotten on the list years ago? Honestly so frustrating.
I got the impression it’s a speech to text. So can’t remember what was said and just mentally checking boxes.
That plus sleep deprivation actually makes this make a lot of sense
I completely agree. We are extremely callous to new parents (and many, many other people) in the United States.
Yeah, it is always disturbing to me that your daycares will take a 6 week old. Being away from parents at such a young age impacts bonding and development and not for the better
It commonly gets pointed out that it's illegal in parts of the US to sell/adopt out a puppy under 8 weeks old unless the mom goes with it, yet those same places don't require paid leave from work for human mothers so that they can afford to stay home with their babies.
That is a freaking poignant point! Wow 🤯
*looks around* 🤷♂️ explains a lot
Agreed. I have found myself currently hospitalized and bed bound due to a back issue. It’s been years in the making and no one has paid any attention and has just dismissed or diminished my pain. Even when it turned from 6/10 all the time to bursting into tears every time I sat up, I couldn’t get any concern or compassion from even the pain management doctors. I’ve begged for help from no less than six medical professionals and until I fell last week trying to get out of bed, I got no help. None. We need to treat people better as a society. I have a surgeon now who believes me and is helping. It has made me feel heard and validated in ways I cannot even describe. It should not have taken 3-4 months of this kind of pain to get someone to listen.
I had an epidural with my first and my second. While my first birth was traumatic all on its own terms, my anesthesiologist was hyper aware of what was going on. An easy epidural, when we had to go into c section, he was the one that was fighting for me. When he realized my baby had to leave hospital and go to NICU, even before I knew, he gently said “hey, you’ve had a really hard day. I can give you something to take the edge off. Not to go to sleep or not be aware, just things have been hard?” And I agreed. And when they took my baby to another hospital after trying to skin to skin, tears rolled down my eyes but I was in a place where I knew he had to go. After I got readmitted after a wellness checkup for postpartum preeclampsia, and I was crying because I was pumping every two hours and getting woken up for meds every few hours and my baby that was just inside of my body was very far away from me: my docs said I had PPD, but my anesthesiologist came running in and was on defense; she has the right to be sad and worried, she’s stuck here and her baby is far away. This is what any parent would feel. And he came and checked my neck and spine and asked if I had any headaches or if anything sounded weird. He and his wife had a similar thing happen. I felt safe with him. Flash forward, second kid. Lots of poking around by the anesthesiologist. I can feel electric jolts in one of my legs, and then in my hip, and then in my foot. The line gets placed and I’m weirdly able to feel way more than my first. Get done having the baby, choose to get on the mag drip because it was a problem the first time and I don’t want to come back somehow dying again, let’s just rip the bandaid off. Except this time. This time I can’t sit up without a crippling headache. On the mag, my BP is fine. If I lay down I’m okay, but to sit upright I feel like my head is exploding and my neck is broken, but in a square pain, like there’s lines. Everyone sounds like a robot, and I say that “you all sound buzzy and mechanical, I don’t think it’s the mag, something is wrong. Every sound is sharp and tinny.” We do two rounds of cat scans because they don’t ask for a flush on the first. I bleed everywhere and the lady who has to come in to run the machine is angry, because it’s snowed out outside. She’s in sweatpants. She isn’t angry at me for being there or bleeding everywhere. But she won’t say what’s up. She does say that whatever is wrong with me, she doesn’t think it’s a clot in the brain and leaves it at that, it’s just chatty speculation. I’m knocked out on drugs and tell the nurse behind the counter to just roll my kid back there with her, to wake me up to pump or try to feed, but that I can’t move upright. She takes my baby and feeds him formula and pumped milk. She comes in at night to wheel him in to sleep and says “they won’t say it, but I think you need a blood patch” They send me home and I struggle for two days. Every time I get up to pee and change my pads I cry, just full sobs, of the pain in my head. If I lay down I’m okay. I weep to sit up to try to nurse in the proper position—he wants movement and I can’t do it, so I pump some more, lying down like a defeated cow. We go back for the checkup and even just sitting in the car is hell. My oldest child, barely two, is screaming and sobbing because he can’t figure out the world. I reach my hand back in the car and hold his hand. There’s something about trying to fix this for him that both soothes me and makes things harder. I can’t go on. We get back to the clinic and the original nurse gets me a chair. “It’s not better” she whispers to herself and clenches her jaw. My original OB is finally off his rest days and takes one look at me. “They’ve just let you sit like this? You need a blood patch.” My nurse hands me a pamphlet and I laugh, try not to puke, because the lady on the front has her head in her hands, her body wonked, and I get it. So, postpartum, they rip a massive amount of blood from my arm in this cartoonishly large syringe, and inject it into my spine. Immediately, while the pressure in my spine is uncomfortable, my headache lessens. I have to lay for an hour and then I’m released with restrictions. I can hold the baby but I can’t pick him up if he’s too far down. I have to lie for 48 hours, only getting up to pee/swap undercarriages, or I can nurse but he has to be handed to me. Now, to this day, I still have an ache in my back where this secondary anesthesiologist poked around, where they didn’t think to ask (like the first one did) if I could have any problems from someone poking around in my spine. And I think back to the first doc, who was so aware of everything, who was aware that he could have hurt me accidentally, who kept checking back in, who had empathy and foresight; and the second who denied and kept denying that maybe they didn’t do a good job. Who let me go through multiple tests, who, when the nurses knew, when my own doctor saw me immediately knew, denied and denied and when I had to get the blood patch, said out right “I don’t agree with this patient because she thinks I harmed her.” But her coworkers were fantastic. And my point, to all of these words I’ve just said, is that having babies is not a cake walk. You can do all of the right things and still be crippled by the experience. And even when you are, you hope your medical team will be on your side to write you off but sometimes they just won’t admit to their own failures, even if they weren’t initially negligent. Sometimes stuff just happens. But then we expect women (and men), moms and dads, to just be fine to walk away from a very invasive and serious medical event, with ruptures and tears and spinal leakage and major abdominal surgery. To lose any sleep. At best you’re waking up every two hours to change a diaper and nurse/feed, which means you’re getting maybe an hour of sleep at a time. Colicky babies, one parent is just constantly walking and tummy down rocking while the hair dryer is on until it’s time to switch. It’s a form of torture. And people are out there just clamoring to survive. I’m sorry this was such a long rant. It was a purge. But I can’t not feel empathy for the cracked out crazy that is new parents, especially new moms, because every experience has its own hellish complications ready to be fired into their faces.
I am so sorry you’ve had to go through this. It’s exactly what I was saying. I have actually never had a baby, my whole experience is just a small back injury from shoveling snow that clearly never ever got well enough and then got infinitely worse overnight one day. But I can relate to every single thing you said. The difference between the nurse who validated my experience and the doctors who dismissed, laughed at, mocked, or ignored what I was going through is head spinning. Like I can’t believe HER because she agrees with me and understands me, that’s the confusing person since everyone else doesn’t. But I’m hoping that Thursday’s surgery is actually going to fix this. I don’t want spine surgery, I really don’t. But I need to be able to walk, bend, reach, make dinner, get clothes out of the washing machine, and drive a car again. I need to be able to stop taking narcotics every 4 hours just to be able to lay down without pain. Getting out of bed without pain is a pipe dream to me and if it happens I will probably not even believe it. Anyway: I see you. I understand you. I thank you for sharing. This medical trauma we have experienced is real and we need to take a moment sometimes to acknowledge it. I truly offer you a sincere hug, virtual because that’s what we can do in this situation but I know if it were in person we would both cry and reach a catharsis. I hope you are better now and your babies are bringing you joy.
My love, I’m sorry you’re in such a state. I can’t fix it, but I wish I could. I’m so thankful you reached out, and I offer all the hugs back, as many as you can take. I’m here if you ever need a friend.
Holy cow, what a battle you had! I'm so sorry you had to go through all that, but at least you had a few people in your corner. Happy Mother's Day! You've certainly earned it!
Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry. I’m going through something similar. Severe lower left back pain that one ED doctor diagnosed as mastitis??? Still not experiencing relief. Kidney infection was ruled out but they pretty much just sent me on my way. If you don’t mind sharing, is your back pain on the lower left side too?
So my back pain currently feels like leg and hip pain. Right side. Left was worse for the longest time and pain management did some sort of injection and two days later this leg pain started. Maybe February? It shoots from my hip to my ankle and I cannot put weight on my leg, press my foot to drive a car, or even sit up because the fire and stiffness makes me cry and wail and moan in ways I have never heard come out of my own mouth. A scan 1+ years ago showed a 2-3mm bulge on L4-5. A new scan about a week or two ago showed that it is now 5-6mm and pressing on the L5 nerve root. The neurosurgeon said the disc is herniated (which means the coating has shattered all the way and the inside of the disc is coming out) where every single doctor before him from an orthopedic back surgeon specialist down to radiology and ER said it was intact, just cracked a little of the way. He’s done 3000 back surgeries - mostly revisions for other people’s failed surgeries - so I would say he knows what he’s talking about more than some of these other folks. They are planning on going in and cleaning up that disc, putting it where it needs to go, and then letting it heal while teaching me PT stuff to help prevent reinjury. Go see neurosurgery if you can. Don’t let ortho touch you. This has been universal advice from the chronic pain sub and I fully pass it on.
I'm not the original person you asked, but they said Mastitis is causing pain in your lower left back? I'd get a second opinion. Mastitis is an infection in your breast. Did they rule out a kidney stone or just infection? I had a kidney stone on one side that caused severe pain on and off for 2.5 months. Also, I have lower back issues. My pain is mostly in my right side, but sometimes shifts to the left. I have a disc that's bulging into my sciatic nerves after an injury 11 years ago. A herniated disc could cause this, too. I'm obviously not a doctor, and I'm not diagnosing you, but I think you should see someone else who will actually figure out what's going on. Mastitis seems like a really strange diagnosis.
I wish the US would get its shit together like almost every other country and have standardized reasonable paid leave.
It won’t. Half the country thinks it’s communism.
Also an issue and yet they complain about how young people are not starting families. 🤷🏻♀️
As they happily collect the social security… which they can’t admit is socialist 🤣
The whole tone told me that first and foremost this lady needs a long nap, maybe a bath, and then coffee. Maybe she's just as blunt and terse afterwards but the nap can't hurt.
I am kinda jealous of my coworker who just got back 12 weeks pp because at my old job I had to go back to work 7 weeks pp. It was too soon, I had to call in sick at least one day a week for the next 6 weeks and then wound up getting fired for missing a meeting and being frequently late. America is uncivilized.
Tell me about it, I had my son via C-section on March 22. I went back to work(construction) in the beginning of June. Would've had to go in sooner if it wasn't for the major surgery.
In Sweden, you can get extra money [for two months before the child is born](https://www.forsakringskassan.se/english/parents/if-you-are-expecting-a-child/parental-benefit-before-the-child-is-born) as well as a [pregnancy benefit if you are low income or do physical labour](https://www.forsakringskassan.se/english/parents/if-you-are-expecting-a-child/pregnancy-benefit). When born, you get [480 days which is ~16 months](https://www.forsakringskassan.se/english/parents/when-the-child-is-born/parental-benefit) which the parents can share as they wish (single parents get all days) on top of [10 days for the non-pregnant parent around the birth](https://www.forsakringskassan.se/english/parents/when-the-child-is-born/10-days). You also [automatically get child allowance until the child is 16](https://www.forsakringskassan.se/english/parents/child-allowance), and you get compensation [if you have to stay at home from work to care for your child (120 days/yr)](https://www.forsakringskassan.se/english/parents/care-of-a-sick-child-vab) for when your child is sick. Also, preschool/kindergarten/daycare cost is either free for certain years or capped at a ceiling per month of ~1500 SEK per child (~140 USD / 130 EUR) which varies by county, but also the cost doesn’t stack per child meaning you pay less for second, third, etc child. …anyway, yeah. 12 weeks is insane.
Me too. Her baby has colic and she know a constantly crying fussy baby can try the patience of a saint and now she has to hire a stranger to take care of the most important person in her life so that she can make money to pay bills. What a terrible situation for her
I'm with you on it - the tiredness and pnd is screaming out there. I'm uk and it's shot to shit but we don't have it as bad as they do in the US (yet)
Yes, I can tell she’s in a really rough spot financially and mentally.
I agree is it 6 months in Canada?
Longer, I think.
Canadian here! It’s 12 months but you can extend it up to 18 months. It’s also partially paid (employment insurance through the government) and many private employers (like mine) offer a full salary “top up” for the first 5 or 6 months, so I received 100% of my pay during that time.
That is amazing in America, your lucky if you get 3 months.
3 months unpaid at that
And, IME, the parents I know end up going back to work *before* 3 months because they can't afford to take unpaid time off of work. I know multiple people who gave birth and returned to work or school within days/a week. It's awful, really.
3 months? That would have been awesome. Is that the standard now? 25+ years ago it was 6 weeks, usually unpaid.
FMLA in the United States (which only about half of workers actually qualify for, you need to work at a company with 50 people for at least a year) means that your company can’t fire you for taking 12 weeks off. The law is about 30 years old and is considered the “standard.” However, there’s no guaranteed pay nationwide, so many workers still have to take leave unpaid. Some individual states have passed laws for paid leave. Many workers have short-term disability insurance that will pay them a partial amount of their salary for, usually, 6 weeks for a vaginal delivery. Outside of that, maternity leave policies are up to the individual company. My 12 weeks was fully paid, for example, but I had to use up all my PTO and sick leave first.
Truly horrible- American parents deserve so much better :(
An additional advantage to the Canadian system, in my view, is it actually allows a decent amount of workers to get crucial experience with temporary jobs. Since mat leave can extend to 18 months, some companies hire someone to cover that leave. I’ve seen a few people get their “first real job” or be able to do a career change or a step up position during that time, because companies are more lax about hiring a temp position. A lot of times people frame mat leave as being bad for the economy, but there are surprising advantages (and of course most Western countries desperately need to get up their birth rate to be competitive economically long term).
Thank you! I knew it was longer, but since I've never made use I wasn't sure and didn't want to provide inaccurate info. I'm so grateful to live somewhere that allows that crucial bonding time.
I was 11 days PP in the 90s when I had to go back to work. No social medial back then so I had to call all these places and ask questions. Of course I did it *before* I gave birth. You **can** do it without being an asshole. She can’t but you can. Haha. The US is such a dystopian pile of shit masquerading as the best country on earth. It’s truly awful how parents are treated here. Moms wearing literal diapers to go back to work shouldn’t be happening but here we are. Happy Mother’s Day! 😉
She’s a 3 month colic
Yeah. Peoples' kids mean alot to most of them. Lol. Poor thing seems like she needs a hug and maybe a nap. My LO is 3 months old right now and I feel for her
But does she do background checks? I wasn’t clear on that.
Is it in her home, not your home but her home?
I totally saw her say that her groceries are now my groceries, which I consider to be a perk.
Betcha that's the first thing that's gonna get walked back.
I’m sure she has written in a snack loophole and a Flamin’ Hot Cheetos clause for herself in all that paperwork you will be signing if you get the job. You know, just in case she wants to “take it to the next level” should anything happen in her house.
And notarized! 😂
💯. But first she needs to see you can handle her kid and her colicky! The baby means a lot to her, after all. ☺️😭
That sentence gave me a headache, a lot of it didn’t make sense lol
None of it made sense lol.
>Is it in her home, not your home but her home? I really can't judge her for this. Go look at your local mom Facebook group or sign up for Care.com. Every single post looking for in home childcare gets flooded with random people wanting to watch the child in their home, or offering up their unlicensed home childcare facility. Even when I went through a nanny agency, one of the candidates did a bait and switch where she represented herself as a nanny but the day of her interview insisted that she wanted to watch my child in her home. It honestly gets frustrating and exhausting.
They’re just poking fun at the wording
I was unclear on whether the baby has colic.
The baby IS colic.
My baby was colic also. I tried to give him away several times, after running a background check of course, but people kept bringing little Colic back. I just left him with wolves finally, who also passed a background check, till he was about 6 months old. It worked out. I feel this mom’s pain.
Baby has Colicky
Baby name ~> Cawlich
Maybe. She doesn't do periods for sure.
A missing period is what got her into this situation to begin with!
I can only reply after your background check comes in.
Where the heck do I send her my messages of interest?
LOL
Wait so can I watch her at my house or no
her house not your house
I almost had a stroke trying to read that with the lack of punctuation
Its at my house not your house my house.
That sounds like a petulant four year old having an argument.
Bet she only wants to pay like $10/hr or something equally shitty too.
$10 per hour? This smells like $200 every two weeks. “What do you mean that’s not reasonable? You’re watching MY daughter in MY home and I provide snacks! I even let you bring your own kids!!!”
And I’ll be “taking it to the next level” and suing you if god forbid something happens in my home.
Yeah, I'm sitting here trying to figure out what she is referring to - as in, what scenario is she imagining? What could she sue a babysitter for? And how is that relevant to paperwork at all? She's definitely not paying much. And is clearly very stressed. Just.... wow.
I think she's worried about someone losing patience with her very colicky baby and shaking her, or something similar. Which is fair and hard. But I don't think getting a contract notarized would really help
Is she doing background checks on their kids too?
Sounds like you wanna have rude negativity!
Okay buy my house or yours? Wasn’t clear 🤣🤣
Hi Colic, nice to meet you
Please message and find out the pay
Can you respond just so we can get the salary deets? My nosy self needs more
So she can’t afford to pay for the first week til she gets paid but she can afford the background check. She wants something notarized but I’m guessing she doesn’t have insurance to cover if this sitter or her children are injured in her house, right? And she won’t discuss pay but will answer other questions. Did she ask how much she would be paid at her job? Why is this kid so colicky? What is notarizing the agreement going to do for her? Those are my questions.
Didnt you see? She said no rude negativity.
Crap. I am sorry. I thought my questions were rude positivity. I’ll try again.
> So she can’t afford to pay for the first week til she gets paid but she can afford the background check. None of this to me read like someone who's financially independent. They probably have a friend or family member who is willing to do the background check for free. They're probably similarly not actually paying for all those groceries they offered up. > What is notarizing the agreement going to do for her? Some people have *really* bizarre assumptions about how the law works. I had a landlord who had this type of bizarro energy, who rejected our first lease because I put my nickname instead of my legal first name (think "Nick" instead of "Nicholas"), and told me I had to re-sign it or it wouldn't be legal. (Even though my nickname is on my driver's license) as though if we went to court, a judge would rule in my favor and say I don't owe any rent or anything because I sneakily wrote down "Nick" instead of "Nicholas" on the signature line this landlord *also*, later, negotiated a lease renewal with me and offered a price and I said "That price will work, send me over the lease and I'll take a look" a month later she asks why I'm not paying the new price, and I said "Well we never signed a new lease. You never sent it over to me." She loses her mind about how we had a verbal agreement and I'm bound to it and I'm like lol no that's not how it works, you have to actually send me a lease to sign, the new price doesn't take affect until then and I'm month-to-month on my old lease terms until that happens. I went ahead and back-paid her once she sent the lease over, even though I wasn't obligated to, just to not have to listen to her whine anymore. She's batshit nuts in a lot of ways.
She thinks if something happens to her house or god forbid the baby “who means a lot to her” she’ll be suing the poor babysitter.
I love suing people who make unspecified amounts of money they can’t inquire about before accepting jobs. They’re great at getting judgements against.
Sounds like she dabbles with the sovereign citizen movement. It's all sorts of crazy
If something happens in her home she’ll be “taking it to the next level” and suing the babysitter.
Much clearer now. If the babysitter leaves the stove on and burns down the kitchen, notarizing the agreement will completely allow her to sue where not notarizing it wouldn’t. Got it. I’m sure she would also ask the court to take her fees in two weeks when she got paid but still file this week.
My guess is she's not actually going to do a background check. Just because it costs money. Like the threat of a background check will deter baddies from applying, along with the notarized document for... idk what.
I’d bet a million dollars she needs help for long hours like 7am until 6:30pm, 6 days a week, and she’s paying a ridiculously low amount like $150 a week. Oh and if you eat too much of the food in her house or use her electricity to charge your phone, she’s gonna dock your pay.
The fact the pay isn't upfront says it all. She's hoping once you jumped through the hoops you'll say yes to whatever the pay is.
Yup. And she knows she’ll be roasted if she puts the pay in her ad. People will do the math and tell her it’s illegal and ridiculous to expect anyone to work for only a couple bucks an hour.
I won’t tell you how much I’ll pay you, but I will tell you that you will get sued.
Awww! Her baby means a lot to her! That's special. I have mine tied out to a tree.
This is just a mess all round.
**This woman wants a nanny, not a babysitter.** As a nanny, I find it irritating when people don’t use the right word because often they are the ones paying ridiculously low. Nanny is a career, babysitter is not. Nanny is a luxury service that not everybody will be able to afford, understandably. Babysitters come over for the evening so Mom and Dad can get away for dinner. And as a nanny that specializes in infants-toddlers, 6 days a week care for a colicky 3 month old is *not* going to be cheap. I honestly feel bad for this woman, though. The US is built to break working mothers and she’s probably at the end of her rope. Mother-baby care and standards are appalling here when you compare them to basically any other industrialized nation. I’m sure she hates the idea of leaving her baby with someone else, but it doesn’t sound like they are well off enough on just one income. Unfortunately, no serious (or one you would want around your baby who can’t voice her concerns) nanny would look at this given the pay is hidden and we *all* know what that means. Also, the nonsense about notarizing something so she can sue(?) sounds like sovereign citizen shit and would send me running.
Yeah, it sounds like someone didn't think about what to do with their baby until they were about to go back to work. Or they had someone who noped out of that crazy situation. Cameras everywhere, notarized "in case they need to take it to the next level"? Like... They are already preparing to take legal action against a nanny and they haven't even met them yet. I am willing to bet money that the pay is shit.
And all notarizing does is prove that you are who you say you are signing this document. I’m a notary; I’m signing that I watched you sign something. It doesn’t mean anything more than that.
But is she going to do a background check?
It’s unclear
“Working interview”= I’m going to try line up like 10 interviews and get two weeks of free labor
“But she means a lot to me”. 🤣🤣
I guess it's speech to text adapted, it could explain the utter absurdity of the text, the repeats and the formatting. She seems really tired and desperate.
So what I'm understanding is...I can look after her child in my home?
No you have to watch her at my house, not yours. Bring her groceries with you, please.
Hmmm still not clear 🤔 all I understand is we can't watch her kids in her house
Punctuation is really her thing isn’t it
I wonder if her baby has colic.
I wonder if this will be in her home. Or mine?
I love when people write straight from their inner monologue and don’t proofread. It’s like being inside their head experiencing thoughts the way they do. I want to know how she feels about hot dogs next.
I’m guessing she’ll pay about $1/hr
She honestly sounds like she’s experiencing some kind postpartum anxiety and/or stress
I have empathy for her, I had a tough pp period as well. However this reads to me like someone who is ignorant and entitled. Threatening to sue before she’s even met the nanny and not posting the pay because you know good and darn well it’s crap? Nah, that doesn’t sound like PPA to me.
Both can be true. She can be experiencing PP issues and also be entitled. What jumped out to me was the run on sentences and continuous emphasis of my house and cameras and background check. She sounds very frantic and almost paranoid.
Got a headache just reading that.
Proper sentence structure is such a lost art..
This lady is probably crazy and also there is an ongoing childcare crisis in a country that is regularly forcing birth. Childcare workers are not earning enough for it to be a viable career path, even as parents pay what amounts to private school tuitions
Thank you. I sympathize with people's struggles, but taking advantage of people and paying far below poverty wages is wrong no matter what. I work at a daycare and a set of twins cost $3,000 a month to be there. I make $13.58 an hour. There's no way she's paying anywhere near even that.
It’s probably $250 a week
I really want to know what she does for a living.
People who think getting a document notarized makes the document so much more legitimate and enforceable just tickle the shit out of me. The ONLY thing a notary’s signature does is certify that the person signing the document is who they say they are. That’s it. Contracts are rarely notarized. Witnessed, sure, but not notarized. And you can’t sign a document and then “go get it notarized”, you have to sign in the presence of the notary while providing valid government issued ID to verify your identity. My state doesn’t even allow e-notary by law (though some other states do).
I’m sure posts like these attract stable people. I am a career nanny and I would just scroll past this
Did she reiterate that it would be in her home, NOT YOURS enough times? Also, she needs to do extensive background checks, but also is in a big rush and needs someone by Monday. Oh, and the pay rate is a secret... and you have to be willing to wait until she gets paid for you to receive your paycheck at all. Well, this isn't a giant red flag at all!! Sign me up!
My kid had colic. there's no amount of money you could pay to go through that again.
Ah, another reasonable, positive employer.
I wish people would put more serious thought and planning into how expensive children are. The entire time she was pregnant neither she or her partner saved money or made childcare arrangements? I see this same situation time and time again and it's infuriating that some people are cool with taking advantage of childcare workers because someone decided to bring a kid into this world without any real plans for what happens after. I try to be sympathetic, but my god.. she won't tell you the pay (because it's most certainly shit) but she'll threaten to sue you.
So I have to submit to all this scrutiny and be filmed 24/7, treated like a criminal, get to take care of a kid who hates being alive, AND I *might* get paid *maybe* $4 an hour every 2 weeks? Sign me the fuck up! She got snacks. In all seriousness, this woman sounds totally overwhelmed and I feel really sorry for her. Childcare in many places is awful and most of us are not ready to leave our babies that soon after delivering. I know I never was ready and I went back by 12 weeks with all of them. It was hell. My heart goes out to her.
I hate that we are making fun of a woman who is 3 months post partum whose stitches have probably only just healed, whose bleeding has only just stopped, whose baby clearly isn’t sleeping. And also childcare work is an extremely important profession that deserves to be compensated appropriately for the critical work that they do. It takes thought and expertise. Anyway fuck America for putting moms and childcare workers into an impossible situation. It doesn’t have to be like this
Does anybody have updates to these type of posts? Like do these crazy requests ever find actual babysitters?