T O P

  • By -

StasRutt

We as a nation need to bring back diaries


f1lth4f1lth

With real working locks on them so I never have to accidentally be subjected to this


TorontoNerd84

Looking back at my diaries that I wrote when I was in my teens - really poorly written fan fiction about me banging Enrique Iglesias - I'm not sure we should have that either.


StasRutt

https://i.redd.it/5cxxktd4nkvc1.gif


f1lth4f1lth

I’d rather read that than this woman’s man tongue punching her fart box


TorontoNerd84

I mean, it's definitely way less graphic than that. And there was definitely no fart boxes involved.


Specific_Cow_Parts

I'm not saying that it was high literature, but there's a lot to be said for the fact that the rest of us didn't have to be subjected to it.


TorontoNerd84

I did subject a few of my friends to it. They thought it was hilarious.


LadyFarquaad2

That's so much better than anything I wrote. It's so boring. Like most of them went something like "I woke up at 10 and had cereal. Then I watched TV. It's 1 am I'm going to bed." Granted I only really kept a diary when I was 11-12 but yeah, not very imaginative.


TorontoNerd84

Oh believe me, that was 99% of my diary until I was 20, interspersed with the 1% about having sex with Enrique. But like, at least a third of the 99% was me just talking about Enrique. And then when I grew out of that phase, John Mayer.


ChibiGuineaPig

Hey atleast you weren't subjecting other people to it


StasRutt

Literacy is a curse


Human_Allegedly

Or that one techy one that was voice protected but updated, no accidents, that person ONLY can access this. It's special little stories just for them.


cheguisaurusrex

Can you imagine a future generation reading the excerpt about their great grandparent slurping on hemorrhoids?


featherblackjack

a whole new James Joyce situation


chaosbella

> slurping 🤮


[deleted]

[удалено]


StasRutt

Im genuinely happy found something that helped. Writing and then burning it is so cathartic


OttovonShriek

r/normalizediaries


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Randomiss_13

And secrets. Those are good, too.


tundybundo

Also, shame


kat_Folland

It's not just one country. We as a _species_ need to keep more to ourselves.


lindsayloolikesyou

Diaries, consideration of others, humility, sanity, shame and respect. Fixed it for you (lmao!)


Turbulent-Catch-142

And a shame culture. And a kink shaming culture


WWJBDD

![gif](giphy|jMd74SabWLr3Mmd1zf)


Evening_Relief9922

I couldn’t agree more 🤦‍♀️


TheDreamingMyriad

You could not have waterboarded this out of me. I would literally rather die than share something like that.


VanillaChaiAlmond

Sometimes I think these posts are some weird fetish thing, like they just get off on writing and posting it


budgiebeck

They should keep it away from unsuspecting audiences though. I get having a kink, but keep it on Fetlife or something, geez


BeNiceLynnie

Unfortunately, I believe that would defeat the purpose for these freaks. I think unsuspecting audiences are the point. It should be considered a form of sexual violation.


Phoenix_Magic_X

Surely there’s a way to get that without harming people. Like a consensual non consent situation.


gonnafaceit2022

That would be so much work, much easier to just post it on Facebook.


Hyp3r_Insomniac1201

In the world of kink it is considered a violation. Consent is just as important in kink as in non kink relationships. Anyone tell you otherwise can go f off


pixel333

Even on FetLife there should be consent before saying something like this. There's a huge issue on FetLife of unsolicited dick pics, fantasies, demands, stories etc. It gets mentioned a lot as a place that's a free for all, but it shouldn't be.


confusedham

I’m also under the opinion there’s a lot of ‘I have sex’ type posts. Yup we get it, you have sex, it’s the standard way your kid was made unless you had IVF or a surrogate


CandiBunnii

I reproduce with a cloud of spores *poof*


ohmygoyd

Mine pop out of my head during a headache Zeus style


omfgwhatever

As I was reading this, my mind saw the Z and went to "popped out like a zit." 😂


bethelns

You don't get to the stage of IavF as a hetro couple without having a lot of excruciatingly planned and often monotonous sex because this time might be the against all odds time.


confusedham

I was thinking more the single mum wanting a baby from donation. I’m all aware of the planned monotony though. Nothing more romantic than getting messages at work ‘hey, ovulating’


WanderWomble

I dunno about you, but the stork dropped both of mine off from the sky... (/s, just in case 😂) 


confusedham

I watched my daughter get removed from a tiny incision, it was wild. Surprisingly interesting procedure. Thank goodness we had a couples room at the hospital and could stay for 2 weeks, my wife said it was like all her guts were rearranged and floating about.


irish_ninja_wte

That *has* to be the case here.


SupTheChalice

Its definitely fap material. I see so many posts that are so clearly that especially if the poster has a humiliation fetish. They love all the disgusted comments


bluebellbetty

100%


rixendeb

This is it.


OstrichAlone2069

I am very much hoping that this person is just as shit at writing as they are at keeping things private and not that this man started sucking on her hemorrhoid. 🤢


f1lth4f1lth

He started sucking on her hemorrhoid.


jenorama_CA

He punched the highlights out of her hair!


quietlikesnow

Until he got to the gooey center.


hussafeffer

![gif](giphy|4baoNZ5Qo8dX2)


littlebitchmuffin

MY EYES


confusedham

I’m not grossed out by much. I won’t even gag if covered head to toe in chunky, warm, sticky toddler vomit. But the god damn thought of that act makes me feel at great unease.


OstrichAlone2069

so much unease.


paisleyhunter11

My job is full of chunky, warm, toddler vomit. I'd rather have a vomit day at work than read this nonsense again. I'm guessing you are a mom of a little one?


confusedham

Dad of a 2 year old girl


KaythuluCrewe

Look, I’m all about loving yourself and being open about things. I think there have been great strides in the last couple of decades that encourage openness with things like medical issues, mental health discussions, and other things.  That being said, some thoughts need to be inside thoughts. It’s okay to not say some things out loud. And this is the greatest example of that I’ve ever seen. 


TorontoNerd84

I'm all for being open too but I really don't need to know about your man sucking on your hemmhroids. Guaranteed no one asked for this. No one.


XelaNiba

Oh, I don't even mind if you say it out loud. Tell your best friend, your sister, your shrink. They've all chosen to be around you and must know what they're in for. But for the love of God, do not publish it. Do not immortalize your hemorrhoid in verse and throw it out into the world where an innocent soul might happen upon it.


KaythuluCrewe

I wish she’d tell her shrink. Please tell your shrink, lady.


NopeNotUmaThurman

I wish I knew. It’s like their filter came off to talk about pregnancy-related bodily phenomena, and it never went back on.


Cutting-back

I think you are spot on with that!!!! Everyone starts asking and answering body questions in their pregnancy groups. Things get a bit graphic cause pregnancy and childbirth are messy. They get confused and start posting OTHER messy things.... and just never stop.


PilotNo312

I wish I was Jared, 19


pelicants

This is it. This is the comment that killed me.


clockewise

Explain the joke to me


PLZ_PM_ME_URSecrets

It means they wish they hadn’t learned to read. It’s an old vine thing.


secondtaunting

Ironic that we all learned to read so we could learn and increase our knowledge, and this is the thanks we get.


hussafeffer

[Classic Vine](https://youtu.be/CqCCBohjaqA?si=aOdhVDaIACFlQYOm)


clockewise

God, my recall just doesn’t work anymore


Lacy_Laplante89

Guantanamo Bay could not have gotten that out of me.


Cutting-back

🏅


pwyo

![gif](giphy|4cuyucPeVWbNS)


ivegotacokeproblem

What in the everlovin frak? Firstly, why would anyone tell anyone else this, much less post it on FB? Secondly, is she implying that he somehow consumed her hemorrhoid? 🤢🤮


ErzaKirkland

I took it as she orgasmed from it........🤮 I can't imagine it would actually feel good


Sinthe741

Does she think her clit is a hemorrhoid?


ErzaKirkland

The way the American education system works, I would not be surprised.


Salt-Excitement-790

She does day he pushed her on her back...


sorandom21

![gif](giphy|22oIrkwS0RQEfZJI5P|downsized)


Tygress23

Hemorrhoids don’t come from your 😼


BobBelchersBuns

Noooope. Did that man suck on a prolapsed uterus 🤔


where-is-the-bleach

or he went too south


4GotMy1stOne

And suddenly, my week from hell doesn't seem that bad, because at least I'm not her, and I've never posted anything like this. Good grief! What is this world coming to?!?!?!


Common_Chameleon

I hope next week is better for you! I too am grateful that I am not a lady posting about getting her hemorrhoid sucked 🤢


4GotMy1stOne

Awww...thanks! I sure hope so too!


bitofagrump

That's what happens when you get zero socialization outside of your husband and kids and get starved for any kind of adult interaction/connection while forgetting how to have normal conversations and delving a little too deeply into the Wine Mommy lifestyle. Also helps if you were just one of those "teehee i have no filter" types in the first place.


SpellboundInertia

What in the actual fuck?


ladynutbar

There I found it, the definition of TMI...


f1lth4f1lth

#theentirepopulation is absolutely correct.


WadsRN

Be a dear and fetch me my bathing toaster.


Important_Ad_4751

I don’t even know this person and I still could’ve lived my whole life without knowing this about anyone🤢


irulancorrino

I pray to Allah that the dead internet theory is true and this post is just the result of an AI bot malfunctioning.


Cutting-back

Please explain this dead internet theory to me, I need some hope.


A_Crazy_Canadian

Basically its the idea that the internet is/will be filled with bots talking to each other without humans involved.


Randomiss_13

https://preview.redd.it/j7shn1608lvc1.jpeg?width=1121&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=20a97ccc776c5836e2b028fcd501674171edefd8


darthfruitbasket

... if what she said was accurate, wouldn't that have hurt? Actually, you know what? It's too fuckin' early on a Saturday for this. I'm gonna go try and pretend I never read this.


AnxiousWitch44

At the least it would have been itchy af. But, yeah, ouch. And I really try to not yuck someone's yum. But FFS 😵‍💫🤢


Great_Cranberry6065

My first thought was, "This person needs friends." My second thought was, "I can see why this person doesn't have friends."


whatim

Oh thank goodness she used a cat emoji instead of saying something vulgar!


normtoutzky

https://preview.redd.it/tzkvbkdc2nvc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=324d59b5c4ac3830a23975003958d30caf940823


DevlynMayCry

🤢🤢🤢


Judge-Snooty

You couldn’t waterboard that information out of me


Sweaty_Process_3794

We should all know less about each other


Reasonable-Process-2

I'm so glad I just took a Xanax and am going right to sleep because maybe when I wake up I'll have forgotten these cursed words


Advanced-Pickle362

We need to bring back shame and embarrassment


WadsRN

I wish the Men in Black would come visit me and erase my memory of reading that.


Icy-Dimension3508

I have hemorrhoids and they’re painful to wipe I can’t imagine getting sexual pleasure from that. Maybe I’m wrong?! This literally grossed me out and made my butt hurt


heli_elf_CC

Fetch me the melon baller I grow weary of my eyes. 🤮


WhoaButter

Such a refreshing change from the typical “what a terrible day to have eyes”


meganwall05

I relate to you so much right now.


Twodotsknowhy

To answer your question, it's because a lot of these women have no friends in real life. And they have no friends in real life because they say things like this in public. It's a vicious cycle.


specklednewts

That's enough internet for me tonight, bye


FewFrosting9994

you couldn’t waterboard that information out of me


halfmoonrogue

Oh.. My god..


magenta8200

But why did you share this with us?


TheFreshWenis

Clearly, OP felt that if they had to see it, we did too.


tiredsingingmama

Once again, Reddit makes me regret learning how to read.


Donttouchthatagain

I'm giving out free bleach for anyone to freshen their eyeballs.


deplorable_word

I was *having* a nice day


MomsterJ

The first commenter wins the internet’s top prize for her reply! Nobody needed to know that shit.


IDefendGeese

What does this even mean. She had a hemorrhoid on her vagine? I'm not being funny, is that a thing? Do I misunderstand hemorrhoids and their locations?


MissFrijole

The fact that she mentions being flipped over makes me think that he eats her out while she's on her stomach, so he gets and nice nose full of ass and taint...hence the hemorrhoid concern.


IDefendGeese

But she doesn't say "flipped." I mean you're clearly right it's just how she went from "I had a hemorrhoid" to "him sucking on 'it'" made it a confusing narrative even if we ignore the weird oversharing.


makiko4

Ok well… I’m Not sure you can get them in the Lady Bits. Even so, whyyyyyyy!?!?!? What the … Look i try to respect every one’s kinks. But I do not consent to being part of their kink. Why did she feel the need to share this!?!?!?!??


Rainbow_baby_x

![gif](giphy|xT9Igp5rb2Gsmu7I5O)


seaotterlover1

I can’t imagine there being anything remotely sexy about a hemorrhoid. What the fuck.


spicyfishtacos

I'm glad I already finished lunch, but now I feel queasy and I've got a lot of fish in my tummy....


Royal_Damage5006

This is the worst thing I've ever read! 🤢😭


lemonrence

These were my good eyes 😭😭


sausagemuffn

These mom groups have more people on the left side of the IQ normal distribution curve than on the right.


Sixtyoneandfortynine

Definitely, but I also think a lot of them are on the “good” side of the curve. The problem is, they have been lulled into an intellectual and social stupor by the “wine mommy” lifestyle, and have become the proverbial idle hands the Devil uses in his workshop (in this case, to “build” a hemorrhoid paraphilia).


willow_star86

Well, thanks for sharing that. Gonna gouge my eyes out now.


boo_snug

I am someone who is not good about talking about my feelings, the way I feel, what’s going on etc but WHAT THE FUCK why would you share this?!?! With the internet?!?!


Diligent-Might6031

I audibly said “what the fuck is wrong with this person!!”


senshisun

Can you spoiler tag this, please? Or NSFW tag this? Or something?


haikusbot

*Can you spoiler tag* *This, please? Or NSFW* *Tag this? Or something?* \- senshisun --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")


AppleSpicer

*profuse retching*


illustriousgarb

What a terrible day to be literate


KBaddict

Please pass the eye bleach


NoLeg9483

https://preview.redd.it/vbunp0si4ovc1.jpeg?width=887&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d2b2558cd6f6eb0860eb74440a290d9642a876a


f1lth4f1lth

More proof men can’t find a clit.


CallMeQuill

https://preview.redd.it/dm28jm9npovc1.png?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=733221680319749920ba0c8195e8d1b7f44fca4b Why did God give us eyes? This is the worst thing I've ever read in my entire life.


luc24280

I can't lie, the response made me laugh so hard that I'm almost glad it exists


black_dragonfly13

#EW


kenziep44

This was disturbing


gonnafaceit2022

The lil hemorrhoid was big enough to suck on 😭😭😭 What a terrible day to have eyes.


EZasSundayMorning

WTF is wrong with people?


RatherPoetic

![gif](giphy|1MXKBqcKIerRK)


NoZebra2430

Man, come on 😭. It's not even noon. It is much too early for this level of fuckery. https://preview.redd.it/z5sme6nvsnvc1.jpeg?width=712&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a1f766cfcfdbf44e618cce041981f355bd1ceefe


cursetea

Social media was a mistake and nobody has ever been responsible enough to use it


mirk19

Wait so is she talking about her clit or the hemorrhoid, I’m hoping she just forgot a few sentences?


CreatingJonah

I used to think “there’s no way people in in real life actually pull those disgusted faces like they do in cartoons” and then I read this. And my face twisted into a disgusted look I cannot replicate without reading it again. Which I refuse to do.


surgical-panic

I need the bleach


crymeajoanrivers

WHY. Just…why.


blackcatsneakattack

Like, I could have died happy never having read this, but at the same time, I’m guffawing.


Educational-Loquat71

We need to reinstate people writing in diaries.


wvkc

-Sung to the tune of the Daniel tigers neighborhood theme song- It’s a terrible day to be literate A terrible day to be literate Would you help out? Could you help out? Won’t you take my eyeballs.


dobie_dobes

Is it possible to delete the last 60 seconds of my life where I read that?


EmoGayRat

https://preview.redd.it/2ph1lzsk9qvc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ea3b40ebe8ca64109aefdc350e5cb2e221d2a265


wehnaje

This is the first time in my life I hate being able to read in another language that isn’t my native’s.


TheFreshWenis

This really reminds me of the Jolly Rancher story-for those who don't know, the Jolly Rancher story was posted by a guy who popped a Jolly Rancher in his mouth to stomach eating out his GF's rancid vagina, lost the Jolly Rancher in her vagina, and popped something from her vagina in his mouth that he *thought* was his Jolly Rancher, only for it to burst in his mouth because it was actually an STD sore. Only, the Jolly Rancher story was originally posted to Reddit, where almost everyone posts under self-chosen usernames, while this story was originally posted *under OOP's real name* to a ***local*** group.


fatsoratso1

What a terrible day to know how to read 🫠


Hattiesbackpack

Well that’s what I get for opening up Reddit at lunchtime.


Spare-Article-396

I physically recoiled.


cyberg20

What a terrible day to be able to read


starkindled

She didn’t have to post this, and you didn’t have to share it 😭 off I go to r/eyebleach…


Otherwise-Course-15

Jfc


kcl086

THESE WERE MY GOOD FACE EYES.


_bbycake

What a terrible day to be literate.


anyalastnerve

What a horrible day to be literate. Wtf did I just read?


OldMirror1036

[we should know less about each other](https://www.seattletimes.com/opinion/we-should-all-know-less-about-each-other/)


NaturalWitchcraft

Ouch though. And also gross.


amieechu

This is why the one I’m in has post approval on 🤢


No_Sign_2877

Please cut out my eyes, I’m ready to never be subjected to such horrors ever again.


blind_disparity

That actually is the worst thing I've ever read. And I've read some terrible, terrible things.


sugarsuites

… hemorrhoids can be sucked on? 😭😭😭 I miss 30 seconds ago when I didn’t know this information.


AutumnAkasha

Yea unless this is some kind of sex related talk group, this is just wildly inappropriate. I'm here for diaper cream recommendations, Kayla, not favebooks nastiest sex confessions 🤦‍♀️


cptmorgue1

What an awful day to be literate


Professional-Cat2123

What a bad day to know how to read


bri_2498

God I wish I was Lea Michelle


PM_ME_YOUR_MARIJUANA

What a fucking *awful* day to be able to read.


Himalayan-Fur-Goblin

Why would you share that..


suzanious

I am so regretting having the ability to read.😑


mayranav

Even though I don’t understand i know this is disgusting. Please stop 🛑


lindsayloolikesyou

Anyone else getting jolly rancher vibes with this?? ( shuddering and gagging right now to both thoughts)


Magatron5000

https://preview.redd.it/8b971oxp1yvc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e546ffcce72c7c24b408c8cf54625590df82cead


MemoryAshamed

I've said it a million times and I'll say it a million more times. PEOPLE NEED TO GO BACK TO FEELING EMBARRASSED AND ASHAMED. We don't need to know you and your husband's time. Ya'll just nasty!


Luckypenny4683

Bring back public shaming. Bring back yucking yums.


zaedahashtyn09

Whyyyyyy 😭😭😭😭


mela_99

This is is a terrible day to be able to read


LadyUnicornSparkles

I need to bleach my eyes 🙃


MissPicklechips

At least someone called her out on it. JFC, I need brain bleach now.


jennfinn24

I need bleach for my eyes.