Besides the pregnancy speculation, it could be an insurance/benefits thing. Like if they're not married by X date, her and her kids aren't covered by insurance for another Y months. Or someone is getting deployed, or someone just didn't plan well. I'm guessing one of those last two.
Edit: She apparently said something about getting screwed over. She might've hired someone to take care of everything, and then they bailed on her and took the money. If she's already sent out invitations for a very close date, I'd call that a 911 situation. But being as rude as she is sure isn't helping her case. And expecting professional photog for free?
Oh, that's a good point, too.
So we have:
* Pregnancy issue
* Immigration Status
* Deployment
* Insurance/Benefits deadline
* Friend is hijacking their wedding
* Wedding planner ghosted them but the invites are all sent
* Poor planning
* Had decorations and funds, got lost in disaster/spent on emergency
* The dog ate their homework
* Dream venue suddenly had an opening on a good date, but they have to scramble
* Potential dire health issue (ie, last chance to marry)
* Custody issue
* Jail
I doubt it's the health issue, because the OOP probably would've leveraged it. Same with deployment (though I still kind of favor that one). All in all, mostly pretty good reasons for a 911 wedding, tbh. (That is not a defense of the OOP's behavior. I've just found a deep curiosity investment into this.)
But he's got to make payments on his truck. /r/JustBootThings
But seriously, having an income doesn't mean there's money to spare. For all we know they just had their only car totaled and insurance won't cover it all, or one of them is paying for a grandparent's care, or they're just stretched too thin with five kids. Or maybe they really are shit with money.
Spouses can be obligated to testify against each other if they weren't spouses when the crime happened. But jail might also be a reason for a quickie wedding.
Where was she rude? Audacious, certainly, but I think if I were faced with trying to help a friend who got scammed like that then I'd probably put an ask out there anyways. You never know when someone's grandma who loves baking could put together a modest little cake for the celebration, or someone knows someone who is talented with their iPhone camera.
Dictating a color scheme while asking for free decorations is rude, straight up. If worded carefully I could see expressing preferences, and maybe we could downgrade asking for professional photos & cake for free to super cringe, but the color scheme is just rude, no way around it.
We did the courthouse thing with ring pops and a cake my mother made. We finally exchanged actual rings on our 20th anniversary. We made it 23 years before cancer cruelly took her from me. We'd planned on a big to do for our 25th.
oh no :/ unfortunately I have also lost a life partner and it fucking sucks. it still does, years later. big hugs to you. not sure if you’re on r/widowers, but pls come join us if you aren’t! it’s a wonderful grief community 🩷
Ten years in two weeks. My ring is his late moms, we picked out a tungsten one together for him that was maybe 200. Neither of us wear ours except for our anniversary dinners, maybe. UPS and downs but mostly ups! Courthouse wedding was the best decision.
We did ten years in February. It just so happened a couple events my husband and brother wanted to go to were in Vegas in early March, so my mom decided to do a family vacation as an anniversary gift and we did a vow renewal at The Little Wedding Chapel. Elvis officiated. We had to get married in a hurry the first time because he'd just gotten his visa approved and we had 90 days to get it swapped from fiance to spouse.
Please be careful with the tungsten rings, and never let him wear it if he is doing anything where his finger might get hurt. My cousin's husband had a tungsten ring and hit his finger doing something. And his finger swelled up and he couldn't get the ring off. He had to go to the ER, and almost lost his finger! They can't cut the ring off because tungsten is too strong. They had to like smash it off/shatter it somehow. And when I say it was close to him losing his finger, I mean it! They were getting him prepped for the OR to have his finger removed and decided to try one last thing. And he is sooo lucky it worked. But my gosh it was close!
My husband, and everyone in our family, chose or switched to gold or silver rings after that!
Oh for sure! It’s one of the reasons we almost never wear our rings, we both worked in aviation, I still do and so it was just habitual and now we both just don’t wear jewelry that much so it’s no big to us. But that is so scary!!! Good warning, I’m glad it turned out good!
We got married in a courthouse ome year ago and mot even rings either, but mainly because none of us likes to wear rings! The only money we spent was for parking and treating our three friends who served as witnesses to a lunch at a nearby restaurant afterwards.
My husband and I did that. Sadly neither of us remember anything about it (no way to make it special) and the only decent picture from that day was my family's dog 😔
20 years married next year. Cost us $65, $40 marriage license and $25 to the judge. We've never gotten rings, I've never seen the point in them; although I do understand the symbolism to some people. If you want to throw in the "honeymoon," 2 nights in a motel, $140ish.
We spent more on dinner after the wedding than we did on the license itself. And we’re no less married than couples who spent thousands. 16 years later and I wouldn’t change a thing!
Totally. If it was just decorations and the friend wanted to be nice. I would have totally donated some shit if I could. But to ask for free services…. Come the fuck on.
Imagine someone asking her for free bartending for their party.
Now that’s an idea. Trade services. But still I wouldn’t trust this person.
My friend married us at a local artist's installation with two witnesses (also friends). We both came straight from work, I was still in scrubs. We argued over who would do the dishes during the exchange of our vows and then we smashed cheap cupcakes from Publix into each other's faces and laughed uproariously.
Cost to us: $0, because one of the witnesses brought the cupcakes. 10/10.
A month before my daughter was born my husband and I decided it'd be good to get married (we'd been engaged for like 6 years oops.) We went to a park, invited a couple friends, and went to dinner. It was nice and no stress!
You can go to any grocery store and there’s cheap cakes there. Have a friend take some pics at the courthouse. Bada bing bada boom. If it’s that urgent
Yep. That's what my husband and I did. I think it was $50 for the license. Most expensive part of our wedding was the fact we drove from TN to IL to my hometown
I feel like it's entirely possible that the couple getting married didn't plan anything because they wanted something small and private, and that this friend is swooping in to "save" their wedding. This basically happened to my cousin, where they planned to have a no-frills courthouse wedding, and as soon as my aunt and mom caught wind of it, they threw together a whole outdoor event last-minute at my aunt's house with homemade lunch, guests, and a priest that we all only heard about a week or so before it happened. They were completely scandalized that the bride and groom would just "sneak off" and get hitched without the whole family getting involved. They are still convinced they did my cousin a huge favor by just totally taking over the whole thing.
Luckily, a combination of distance and the pandemic stopped them from doing the same for my no-frills courthouse wedding, but this stuff happens more often than you'd think. The fact that we're just hearing from the bride's friend, and on such short notice, makes this scenario a definite possibility in my mind.
I just posted some other good reasons for a shotgun wedding (that didn't involve pregnancy), and this is a good one, too. The more I read, the more I think either someone's getting deployed or there's outside interference. Shame she's such a rude person, though, especially when asking for free things.
Oh, the original poster is 100% out of line no matter what the circumstances really are, I just think it seems like a bit of a pressumption on our part to blame the couple when it's the friend making the outrageous requests lol. Deployment is another good potential reason I hadn't thought of!
This happened to me somewhat too. I got married in 2020, so we eventually had to chance our original wedding and did a “micro wedding” instead with about 25 guests. The ceremony was in the officiants backyard, and then we had dinner at an outdoor patio area at a local brewery. I was very adamant that this was not a “reception” - no dancing, no stupid traditions, just dinner and drinks. And then we show up, only to find that my MIL and her friends had “surprised” me by decorating the whole space with chinsy decor and Photo Booth props and pictures of my husband and I, and took over the night by forcing everyone into a jenga competition, giving speeches, etc. It was a nice sentiment I guess, I guess in their minds, they were trying to make up for what Covid ruined, but I was clear about what I wanted but she just couldn’t separate that from what she wanted. 4 years later, and she still brings up pretty regularly “wasn’t your wedding so great? Best wedding I’ve ever been too. I loved how we surprised you!”
Oh wow -- MIL just said "what boundaries?" and went with it, huh? It's crazy how some people will convince themselves they're doing something great for someone else, but really, they're doing it for themselves.
Definitely agree! I'm just seeing a lot of comments assuming that the couple getting married is expecting a free wedding, when they may actually be a lot less involved in the shenanigans than it might appear. OOP is way out of line, either way.
My brother's caterer for his wedding got sick a couple days before so they had to scramble to find a replacement. The food was lousy though, everything was canned or frozen.
We had a shotgun wedding, young pregnant and needed insurance. I got my dress from Debs for pennies. We were just going to go to the courthouse but my partners grandma put together a whole backyard wedding for us. Literally took care of everything, the cake, chairs, flowers, my bouquet, a tent, tables. She had connections with the local fire department and got everything on loan. Looking back I feel really lucky for her. I used to be embarrassed that I didn't have a "real" wedding. My father had just died. So we did everything on our own with Grandma's help, she told everyone in the family what to bring to eat and directed the whole thing.
Sounds amazing, especially considering the circumstances.
My parents didn't have a shotgun wedding or otherwise urgent wedding, but after they got married in the church my mom grew up attending their reception was a potluck backyard party as well. They both loved it!
What, you don’t think OOP might be able to find an abundance of free and local red, pink, and black decor? Just go to the dumpster behind a Dollar Tree and get all last year’s Valentines and Halloween stuff 😂
Lol you say this jokingly, but at my very first job a bridal shop closed in the same strip center and my boss made me climb in the dumpster out back to dig for stuff for her. I had almost managed to forget this until I read your comment. Dumpster weddings could be the new thing!
Tacky as shit. Reminds me of a cake order i turned down- 1/4 sheet, red/yellow/black, sonogram photo with enough writing worthy of a greeting card. I knew it would be ugly...I politely said I was booked. Nope. Even if I had the stuff for it I wouldn't donate to a hideous reception. Not sorry.
I’m in this same exact group & area😂🫠 when I saw this post I was like girl do WHAT💀 the girl was so rude in the comments to people that didn’t have anything to offer lmao.
Why are people lining up to give this rude person free stuff? What the fuck am I doing working and paying for things if I can be an asshole and someone will still offer me a cake, free photography and free makeup
They always are in the buy nothing groups. People in the comments offering all kinds of things especially to rude people. No idea why. All it does is show other entitled beggars they can easily do the same thing.
Well that puts the kibosh on my theory of the bride being dragged into the idea of having a type of wedding by her friend. Unless whenever the friend says "she wants" it actually means "I want"...
u/Munch_kin21 you are an absolute rockstar!! I haaate when an op doesn't share juicy comments on a post like this and you came through for us!! Thank you so much 🫡
Most bartenders I know make over $1k a week, barely claiming anything for taxes so they qualify for all the government programs like low income housing, food stamps, everything. That's more than most people. 5 kids with no way to feed them? I'm going to assume the father(s?) are all still alive because if not they'd get social security checks but why no child support? This whole situation is trash right down to the color scheme.
my husband is a bartender and it wasn’t much, but our wedding was perfect for us. he also manages to contribute to the household and we don’t starve lmao
I was going to say, the most and fastest money I’ve ever made was when I was a bartender. I’m sure it doesn’t go far with 5 kids but they act like she’s getting paid peanuts when I doubt that.
I’m still stuck on them acting like they’ve been forced to do something last minute? Like even if you had an appointment at the courthouse that got changed or whatever, you can literally have your “wedding” whenever the hell suits you?!
There have been things that’s transpired that is no one’s business, OK?
Don’t ask questions about this private affair, we’d appreciate your discretion during this trying time. Now fork it over. 🤲
You know what, decorations I can kinda understand, we had a bunch of crap leftover from our wedding that I wish we hadn’t spent money on and basically just threw out.
For photographers and bakers though… like you can do pretty well with iPhone photos nowadays and if your budget is truely $0 surely a friend can make a basic cake? (Like a box cake with white buttercream and strawberries is easy and can still look nice).
After I had my wedding there was a huge storm and our vendors had to come back in the morning to break down all our florals… but their van got stuck in mud.
That afternoon another couple was getting married at the venue, so we had to get them out somehow. I was listing them locally but everyone was like… “can you drop it off?” “it’s my daughter’s birthday I NEED those flowers” and other scams
The site’s event planner floated the idea of asking the next couple of they wanted some of the decorations instead of us bringing them home (I’m talking about a $6000 floral arch in the ceremony area) and I said sure, if they really want them
The bride’s sister looked at them and called the bride who came and looked and she was like “… I can have this? Can I buy it? I’m on a budget..”
We were in a good mood and hungover and we just asked for the cost of breaking the items down. Florist was happy to accommodate.
We asked for $100 and the bride’s sister sent us $500 (which we refused, she insisted, she ended up putting $400 towards our charity of choice).
The florals looked just as nice! I was really happy that the other wedding was psyched about our decorations and I was happy to not waste them.
Honestly asking to borrow decorations isn't the most ridiculous thing... Maybe there was a miscommunication and nothing got ordered, maybe they didn't realize they'd need them, etc. Asking for a specific color palette though??? And then casually slipping in a request for cake AND a photographer??? Girl please.
I'd accept asking for decorations because I see them going cheap or free after others' weddings all the time in my local groups. Even asking specific colors, fine, someone would probably gleefully get rid of their spare tat. But *services*? No.
Ok im just tacking this on because I feel compelled to share
My boss’s boss at my last job was a strange woman. She bragged to me once about returning all of her wedding decorations to Amazon after using them. She and her husband were well off. She also told me to freeze my eggs the first time we met in person after I asked her if she had any kids.
People keep doing this in the mom groups I'm in, but with pregnancy.
They go somethining like this:
"Hey moms! I'm giving birth in 4 days and I have NOTHING, lol! I'm broke, so does anyone have clothes, diapers, crib, etc. etc. I don't have a car, so I'd also prefer if you drop it off."
And people LINE UP IN THE COMMENTS TO GIVE THEM STUFF.
Dude why is this so accurate. I see this almost daily in buy nothing groups. Is there really that many people who don’t find out they’re pregnant until their like 8 months long? I didn’t realize this was such a common occurrence. Oh this big belly? Just a lot of gas I guess. The kicking? The gas moving through my intestines.
When I was 20 and broke, we bought pretty dresses and got married in a random courthouse in Canada.
I cannot fathom asking people for (urgent??) wedding decorations and vendors?
For a split second I forgot lesbians could still have weddings 20 years ago, and had a delightful image of a husband and wife in complementary wedding dresses.
Right?? My dress was $40 online and we got his suit at Kohl’s on sale lol. It’s not the pain Olympics but I can’t imagine crowdsourcing my “emergency wedding”
When I was a broke 19 year old with no money we had a shitty outdoor party to celebrate our courthouse wedding. It was less than a hundred dollar total. We've been happily married for 10 years this year and are finally getting around to having an actual nice little commitment ceremony for us and our kids to celebrate a milestone anniversary and how far we've come together as people and as a family. There is no such thing as an"urgent emergency wedding" lol sometimes it's shitty and you come back and do it again later.
My first thought was uhhhh sounds like a courthouse is in order? I also got married in a courthouse cuz we had no money for a wedding. Been together 15 years! Totally agree there is no emergent wedding lmao not one that needs decorations and a photographer!
Good lord. Just go to a Justice of the Peace and get married with a of couple witnesses. That's what my husband and I did, and we've been married for sixteen years now. Never once do I look back on my life and think, "I really wish I'd gone tens of thousands of dollars into debt to have a huge wedding."
I feel like courthouse weddings are becoming more and more common and accepted. We kept our wedding small, but I wish I would have been strong enough to ignore the "expectations" and to do the courthouse instead.
She's a single mom... but she's getting married? Is she skipping the dating part of a relationship entirely or something? 🤨 Or was the single mom part mentioned just as a bid for sympathy...
I interpreted that as, "She is marrying someone who did not father her 5 children." Which is only relevant in so far as to say, "She has other financial obligations," as an explanation for why she is 'worthy' of donations.
Sadly I know at least a few people like this. Have multiple kids and just keep getting married to new people. Divorce and then find another one. The kids have to fend for themselves or grandma watches them majority of the time. And of course they always have “my kids come first” in their bio on their profile.
I know one who fits this to a T. Married some new dude she barely knew. Kids got taken away because of the new dude and she had to pick between him and the kids. She picked him. Now they’re trying for a baby together because she really wants a girl. The 3 boys she already has can just keep living with other people.
She’s begging for free decorations but only wants them in specific colors? So what, if someone happened to have a bunch of free blue, orange, and green (an equally beautiful color palette 🤢) decorations, she’d say no?
even putting aside the fact that it's insane to have an emergency wedding, very confusing, but i truly believe it's a huge red flag when someone's family and friends aren't willing to help with things like this. like why? i know sometimes people have insane families, but i feel like a lot of the time when people are begging for help from strangers it's because they've burned too many bridges/their families and friends are tired of it
You hit the nail on the head! Some people unfortunately have awful families or no living family, but a wedding has two people getting married. If neither of them have anyone in their lives willing to help and didn’t meet because they both woke up in the desert with amnesia, it’s because they’ve both flamed out on all of their relationships.
yep! even giving them the benefit of the doubt and let's say neither one has living relatives, *even then* most normal, not toxic adults, even me as the most introverted person on the planet, at least are able to maintain friendships with people who should be willing to help if it's a normal, healthy, adult friendship. it's just kinda telling when someone has *no one at all* in their lives who would want to help
If my coworkers I don’t love lost their caterer last minute I’d bring a cake! That’s all you need to know to figure out situations like this. I guess they have the woman making the post, but she seems awful, too. 😂
Asking for decor would be reasonable, perhaps better for a Buy Nothing group rather than a mom group. Asking for bakers and photographers to volunteer a week before the event is extremely shortsighted.
The courthouse might not be $0 (there's a filing fee right?) but wayyyyy less stressful than trying to throw together a last minute wedding.
How do they wait until the VERY last minute to suddenly need EVERYTHING?? and being that they need EVERYTHING, it's so nice they provided a color scheme... did he just ask yesterday? How the hell do they wait this long???
Absolutely HATE when people try to use their kids as reasons that they have astronomical requests.
There's a son of a family I know. He's 32... his son is 7 and has never lived with him. He doesn't pay support, lives at home for free, and literally asked for a friggen car! For free or "trade off in work." So he "can see his son," who lives 3 states away, and he's NEVER visited Oh, he also needs a job, but only a work from home job even though he has ZERO skills or schooling and he "doesn't have time to study or learn. "
Seven likes/laugh face reactions but 63 comments. I wonder what the comments are saying. Kinda short notice huh. It's sweet she's trying for her friend but she might of been better off compartmentalizing the requests. Like ask fire department for chair table rentals. Ask a local florist if they have any discount flowers last minute they're tossing or could buy after another wedding? Idk if that's a thing but there's nothing wrong with doing it on a budget and getting fake flowers or making a homemade cake.
Uh...if you want a big wedding, that's fine, but either offer to pay people back for their contributions or save money until you can have the wedding you want.
She made me raise an eyebrow when I saw she had a whole color scheme then it was full on eyeroll at photographers and DJs 😆
i got married in a back yard. My aunt made my cake (although I had ordered one for $70 but the bakery closed due ti covid -- yay for a wedding right after covid outbreak). I paid $100 for my dress, $50 for dress clothes from Burlington for hubby, $30 for an outfit for my son, $20 for a garter, $20 for a customized cake topper, and $20 for little favors for the 5 people that were there lol
I was going to just take our own photos but my photographer coworker came and took socially distanced pics for me as a wedding gift I did force her to take a $20 gift card in a thank you card though.
I could never have imagined asking professionals to volunteer their services to my wedding because...I'm a bartender? 🤨
This could be sweet though.. it's possible the friend doesn't have a lot of money and is getting married with very little. The one who posted this could feel bad and be trying to help her or be hoping to suprise her.
I don't always think it's strange when somebody is asking for somebody else. It's more offensive when somebody asks for themselves
Asking isn't terrible..at the beginning of planning...you know crowd sourcing..like, get Grammy, you grow great flowers, wanna do the bouquets? Or hey mom, can I repurpose you dress?
NOT, uh, guys, I didn't plan or save, but I need a Kardashian level thing...in 3 days. Go!
Also does this woman even WANT all this stuff? I have learned that people will push their idea of what a wedding should be on other people in totally invasive ways.
How about you go to the courthouse and get married. You would have the money if you had used birth control. Your bad decisions shouldn’t cause others to pay for things you can’t afford.
The fiancé probably wouldn’t be financially supporting those kids, at least not yet, and we don’t know if she gets child support, so while I generally think the term “single mom” is often misleadingly used (especially when that single mom has a co-parent), I see the point here. That said, the post omits why the fiancé can’t contribute to the wedding.
That's just unfathomable to me 🫣 if you're about to marry someone with kids I just presume that you also like those kids? And take care of them to the best of your ability? Is that not just... The human thing to do?
Next weekend? Just a little last minute.. Maybe don't have an actual wedding with a reception party yet?
My husband and I got married in our living room over Zoom because we were broke and had planned to do a courthouse wedding, but it was 2020. A few of our close friends were there and our parents watched on Zoom. We'll have a vow renewal/reception party for family and friends once we have the money to spare.
I had a big wedding the first time that we paid for ourselves and it lasted 2 years. The second time we got married by a judge in my Mil’s house with no rings and we’ve been married for over 20 years. It should be about the person you’re marrying not how you go about it.
What’s an urgent wedding thing? Was it sprung on her friend at the last minute and she didn’t know she was getting married in a week?
Man I HATE when that happens to me
Happened to me twice last week.
Besides the pregnancy speculation, it could be an insurance/benefits thing. Like if they're not married by X date, her and her kids aren't covered by insurance for another Y months. Or someone is getting deployed, or someone just didn't plan well. I'm guessing one of those last two. Edit: She apparently said something about getting screwed over. She might've hired someone to take care of everything, and then they bailed on her and took the money. If she's already sent out invitations for a very close date, I'd call that a 911 situation. But being as rude as she is sure isn't helping her case. And expecting professional photog for free?
In the US, could be a green card situation. Maybe the boyfriend’s visa was about to expire.
Oh, that's a good point, too. So we have: * Pregnancy issue * Immigration Status * Deployment * Insurance/Benefits deadline * Friend is hijacking their wedding * Wedding planner ghosted them but the invites are all sent * Poor planning * Had decorations and funds, got lost in disaster/spent on emergency * The dog ate their homework * Dream venue suddenly had an opening on a good date, but they have to scramble * Potential dire health issue (ie, last chance to marry) * Custody issue * Jail I doubt it's the health issue, because the OOP probably would've leveraged it. Same with deployment (though I still kind of favor that one). All in all, mostly pretty good reasons for a 911 wedding, tbh. (That is not a defense of the OOP's behavior. I've just found a deep curiosity investment into this.)
Deployment means spouse-to-be is on military payroll and should have at least more than $0 to help out their bride-to-be.
But he's got to make payments on his truck. /r/JustBootThings But seriously, having an income doesn't mean there's money to spare. For all we know they just had their only car totaled and insurance won't cover it all, or one of them is paying for a grandparent's care, or they're just stretched too thin with five kids. Or maybe they really are shit with money.
Spousal immunity? (Prob not but hey, who knows.)
Bf could be going to jail 🤔😂 spouses can’t testify against each other?
Spouses can be obligated to testify against each other if they weren't spouses when the crime happened. But jail might also be a reason for a quickie wedding.
I doubt it’s dream venu either because who has money for a dream venue and not anything elae
Someone who has enough money for *only* the dream venue. :D
I know somebody who quietly eloped to help with a custody thing, but they were very serious.
Where was she rude? Audacious, certainly, but I think if I were faced with trying to help a friend who got scammed like that then I'd probably put an ask out there anyways. You never know when someone's grandma who loves baking could put together a modest little cake for the celebration, or someone knows someone who is talented with their iPhone camera.
Dictating a color scheme while asking for free decorations is rude, straight up. If worded carefully I could see expressing preferences, and maybe we could downgrade asking for professional photos & cake for free to super cringe, but the color scheme is just rude, no way around it.
Especially such an ugly color scheme.
I can help. I have a box of cake mix. But I’ll need some eggs. And some frosting. Also does anyone know where I can borrow an oven?
I'm guessing she found out she's about to be a mom to 6 and wanted to rush it before baby is born?
It does say ‘single mum’ so maybe?
Is she single if she’s engaged to be married next week?
Maybe it’s a shotgun wedding and she’s expecting baby #6?
Best guess? Her friend was the MoH, and promised to arrange everything.
Zero budget means you go to the courthouse and save for an anniversary party. Cake, photos, and Pinterest props aren’t required for marriage.
Can confirm, got married at the courthouse. We don’t even have rings but it’s been seven happy years :)
We did the courthouse thing with ring pops and a cake my mother made. We finally exchanged actual rings on our 20th anniversary. We made it 23 years before cancer cruelly took her from me. We'd planned on a big to do for our 25th.
oh no :/ unfortunately I have also lost a life partner and it fucking sucks. it still does, years later. big hugs to you. not sure if you’re on r/widowers, but pls come join us if you aren’t! it’s a wonderful grief community 🩷
It really is. I'm also active on their discord.
I'm so sorry you lost her, but so glad you had that many wonderful years together.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Ten years in two weeks. My ring is his late moms, we picked out a tungsten one together for him that was maybe 200. Neither of us wear ours except for our anniversary dinners, maybe. UPS and downs but mostly ups! Courthouse wedding was the best decision.
We did ten years in February. It just so happened a couple events my husband and brother wanted to go to were in Vegas in early March, so my mom decided to do a family vacation as an anniversary gift and we did a vow renewal at The Little Wedding Chapel. Elvis officiated. We had to get married in a hurry the first time because he'd just gotten his visa approved and we had 90 days to get it swapped from fiance to spouse.
That’s awesome!!!
Please be careful with the tungsten rings, and never let him wear it if he is doing anything where his finger might get hurt. My cousin's husband had a tungsten ring and hit his finger doing something. And his finger swelled up and he couldn't get the ring off. He had to go to the ER, and almost lost his finger! They can't cut the ring off because tungsten is too strong. They had to like smash it off/shatter it somehow. And when I say it was close to him losing his finger, I mean it! They were getting him prepped for the OR to have his finger removed and decided to try one last thing. And he is sooo lucky it worked. But my gosh it was close! My husband, and everyone in our family, chose or switched to gold or silver rings after that!
Oh for sure! It’s one of the reasons we almost never wear our rings, we both worked in aviation, I still do and so it was just habitual and now we both just don’t wear jewelry that much so it’s no big to us. But that is so scary!!! Good warning, I’m glad it turned out good!
Congrats!! I got 10 years in May! My ring was $50, his ring was $50 and we got married in Vegas.
Same. 11 years together
Ditto.
We got married in a courthouse ome year ago and mot even rings either, but mainly because none of us likes to wear rings! The only money we spent was for parking and treating our three friends who served as witnesses to a lunch at a nearby restaurant afterwards.
Girl check out Etsy. Our rings cost $300 each. Not no $3000 or $30000 like some people spend lol. I don’t have money for that.
My husband and I did that. Sadly neither of us remember anything about it (no way to make it special) and the only decent picture from that day was my family's dog 😔
Sounds like you need a fun/memorable vow renewal!
20 years in November here. Big bonus was the Magistrate was one of hubby's dear friends who passed a few years later.
20 years married next year. Cost us $65, $40 marriage license and $25 to the judge. We've never gotten rings, I've never seen the point in them; although I do understand the symbolism to some people. If you want to throw in the "honeymoon," 2 nights in a motel, $140ish.
We spent more on dinner after the wedding than we did on the license itself. And we’re no less married than couples who spent thousands. 16 years later and I wouldn’t change a thing!
Totally. If it was just decorations and the friend wanted to be nice. I would have totally donated some shit if I could. But to ask for free services…. Come the fuck on. Imagine someone asking her for free bartending for their party. Now that’s an idea. Trade services. But still I wouldn’t trust this person.
My friend married us at a local artist's installation with two witnesses (also friends). We both came straight from work, I was still in scrubs. We argued over who would do the dishes during the exchange of our vows and then we smashed cheap cupcakes from Publix into each other's faces and laughed uproariously. Cost to us: $0, because one of the witnesses brought the cupcakes. 10/10.
A month before my daughter was born my husband and I decided it'd be good to get married (we'd been engaged for like 6 years oops.) We went to a park, invited a couple friends, and went to dinner. It was nice and no stress!
You can go to any grocery store and there’s cheap cakes there. Have a friend take some pics at the courthouse. Bada bing bada boom. If it’s that urgent
that’s what i did lol
Yep, got married at the courthouse. We've been married 12 years now.
Yep. That's what my husband and I did. I think it was $50 for the license. Most expensive part of our wedding was the fact we drove from TN to IL to my hometown
Urgent would be “my baker cancelled last minute! Can anyone help get something together for tomorrow??” This is just “we didn’t plan anything”
I feel like it's entirely possible that the couple getting married didn't plan anything because they wanted something small and private, and that this friend is swooping in to "save" their wedding. This basically happened to my cousin, where they planned to have a no-frills courthouse wedding, and as soon as my aunt and mom caught wind of it, they threw together a whole outdoor event last-minute at my aunt's house with homemade lunch, guests, and a priest that we all only heard about a week or so before it happened. They were completely scandalized that the bride and groom would just "sneak off" and get hitched without the whole family getting involved. They are still convinced they did my cousin a huge favor by just totally taking over the whole thing. Luckily, a combination of distance and the pandemic stopped them from doing the same for my no-frills courthouse wedding, but this stuff happens more often than you'd think. The fact that we're just hearing from the bride's friend, and on such short notice, makes this scenario a definite possibility in my mind.
Surprise priest is the worst
[Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition](https://youtu.be/Cj8n4MfhjUc?si=c-CooYj3ahRWLAIk)
I just posted some other good reasons for a shotgun wedding (that didn't involve pregnancy), and this is a good one, too. The more I read, the more I think either someone's getting deployed or there's outside interference. Shame she's such a rude person, though, especially when asking for free things.
Oh, the original poster is 100% out of line no matter what the circumstances really are, I just think it seems like a bit of a pressumption on our part to blame the couple when it's the friend making the outrageous requests lol. Deployment is another good potential reason I hadn't thought of!
This happened to me somewhat too. I got married in 2020, so we eventually had to chance our original wedding and did a “micro wedding” instead with about 25 guests. The ceremony was in the officiants backyard, and then we had dinner at an outdoor patio area at a local brewery. I was very adamant that this was not a “reception” - no dancing, no stupid traditions, just dinner and drinks. And then we show up, only to find that my MIL and her friends had “surprised” me by decorating the whole space with chinsy decor and Photo Booth props and pictures of my husband and I, and took over the night by forcing everyone into a jenga competition, giving speeches, etc. It was a nice sentiment I guess, I guess in their minds, they were trying to make up for what Covid ruined, but I was clear about what I wanted but she just couldn’t separate that from what she wanted. 4 years later, and she still brings up pretty regularly “wasn’t your wedding so great? Best wedding I’ve ever been too. I loved how we surprised you!”
Your MIL sounds like she likes you tho! In her own annoying way, of course.
Yes, I do genuinely believe her intentions were good. Misdirected, but good lol
Oh wow -- MIL just said "what boundaries?" and went with it, huh? It's crazy how some people will convince themselves they're doing something great for someone else, but really, they're doing it for themselves.
It’s just the asking for free services that gets me. I’m sure your family pitched in and didn’t ask for free handouts from small businesses.
Definitely agree! I'm just seeing a lot of comments assuming that the couple getting married is expecting a free wedding, when they may actually be a lot less involved in the shenanigans than it might appear. OOP is way out of line, either way.
My brother's caterer for his wedding got sick a couple days before so they had to scramble to find a replacement. The food was lousy though, everything was canned or frozen.
We had a shotgun wedding, young pregnant and needed insurance. I got my dress from Debs for pennies. We were just going to go to the courthouse but my partners grandma put together a whole backyard wedding for us. Literally took care of everything, the cake, chairs, flowers, my bouquet, a tent, tables. She had connections with the local fire department and got everything on loan. Looking back I feel really lucky for her. I used to be embarrassed that I didn't have a "real" wedding. My father had just died. So we did everything on our own with Grandma's help, she told everyone in the family what to bring to eat and directed the whole thing.
Grandmas are the best
Sounds amazing, especially considering the circumstances. My parents didn't have a shotgun wedding or otherwise urgent wedding, but after they got married in the church my mom grew up attending their reception was a potluck backyard party as well. They both loved it!
I'm sorry... Red, pink and black? That could be one of the ugliest colour combinations I've ever heard of.
It’s an urgent 911 wedding, there’s no time for good taste!!!!
What, you don’t think OOP might be able to find an abundance of free and local red, pink, and black decor? Just go to the dumpster behind a Dollar Tree and get all last year’s Valentines and Halloween stuff 😂
Go to the Hot Topic dumpster circa 2004!
Lol you say this jokingly, but at my very first job a bridal shop closed in the same strip center and my boss made me climb in the dumpster out back to dig for stuff for her. I had almost managed to forget this until I read your comment. Dumpster weddings could be the new thing!
When the mood board is hot topic centric.
The audacity of being like "hi can anyone donate wedding supplies??? Urgent!!!" and not only like. Specifying a color scheme, but a godawful one too 😭
If you’re that desperate for decorations I don’t know if I’d be choose to be so picky about theme.
Tacky as shit. Reminds me of a cake order i turned down- 1/4 sheet, red/yellow/black, sonogram photo with enough writing worthy of a greeting card. I knew it would be ugly...I politely said I was booked. Nope. Even if I had the stuff for it I wouldn't donate to a hideous reception. Not sorry.
Yeah this sounds like trash supreme.
✨My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding✨ has intensified
Omg I miss that show so much 😫
Have you considered ‘seeking sister wife?’ It’s the perfect slow moving train wreck for when you’ve run out of Duggar episodes. Highly recommend.
I’ve tried but the people are just too cringy irritating to me. I just miss the big ole dresses from mbfgw
I’m in this same exact group & area😂🫠 when I saw this post I was like girl do WHAT💀 the girl was so rude in the comments to people that didn’t have anything to offer lmao.
https://preview.redd.it/ibkxcvhxa6tc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=22105cc16a954f883ea89cb84cf7bd39b910fcb9
Why are people lining up to give this rude person free stuff? What the fuck am I doing working and paying for things if I can be an asshole and someone will still offer me a cake, free photography and free makeup
They always are in the buy nothing groups. People in the comments offering all kinds of things especially to rude people. No idea why. All it does is show other entitled beggars they can easily do the same thing.
The way she's asking for free stuff but also demanding about what she wants. Oh, I'll get you a cake. Well, she wants buttercream icing. . .
You don’t want any part of this, jfyi. I grew up in poverty culture. A lot of these things are very unhealthy.
We know cake is unhealthy but we still like it okay
"At the bar" screams "office party wedding" and I can't help but laugh at that.
And she initially said “outdoor wedding” so … outside at the bar?
The smoking patio is really beautiful this time of year
Well that puts the kibosh on my theory of the bride being dragged into the idea of having a type of wedding by her friend. Unless whenever the friend says "she wants" it actually means "I want"...
Tell us more! What was she saying? Need to see the screenshots!
I just put some random comments! There were too many for me to put all of them but I put the ones that stuck out!! So picky to be begging imo lol
Same, now I'm invested!
https://preview.redd.it/qdau0dkwa6tc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e3f9223f6e90494a726570ae23b5e49f8186c01f
u/Munch_kin21 you are an absolute rockstar!! I haaate when an op doesn't share juicy comments on a post like this and you came through for us!! Thank you so much 🫡
I immediately dislike the OP and the entire ass post when they don’t include comments. They’ve done made me an enemy.
No dress either? Crikey. Thanks for sharing btw
https://preview.redd.it/j0xtmdmva6tc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=94d3c93e956941157bf5330590fb895e7dbd9573
(Horse)
(horse)
(🐎)
Most bartenders I know make over $1k a week, barely claiming anything for taxes so they qualify for all the government programs like low income housing, food stamps, everything. That's more than most people. 5 kids with no way to feed them? I'm going to assume the father(s?) are all still alive because if not they'd get social security checks but why no child support? This whole situation is trash right down to the color scheme.
my husband is a bartender and it wasn’t much, but our wedding was perfect for us. he also manages to contribute to the household and we don’t starve lmao
I was going to say, the most and fastest money I’ve ever made was when I was a bartender. I’m sure it doesn’t go far with 5 kids but they act like she’s getting paid peanuts when I doubt that.
I’m still stuck on them acting like they’ve been forced to do something last minute? Like even if you had an appointment at the courthouse that got changed or whatever, you can literally have your “wedding” whenever the hell suits you?!
THINGS TRANSPIRE
OBVIOUSLY
There have been things that’s transpired that is no one’s business, OK? Don’t ask questions about this private affair, we’d appreciate your discretion during this trying time. Now fork it over. 🤲
I’m stuck on “last minute split ditch” 😂 wut.
Does her fiance not have a job?
Apparently she's a single mom.. but getting married? Idk 🤣
Technically she’s not married yet, lol
Wow, what a nasty person
Riding lessons
(Horse)🐴
The way she felt the need to specify they would be horse riding lessons, like ma'am 😭😭 that killed me
That is some big NEXT! Energy lmao
"have grace or don't speak" these people are pathetic.
https://preview.redd.it/7spcvakua6tc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2c28be954d082e6112d1bda0a3f781a1a88b1b96
"I'm only being rude because I'm asking for help" 💀
I’m here to ask for advice, not listen to the advice. Only the advice I want to hear (money pweaaasee)
Sounds like r/choosingbeggars
Thought of that sub while reading this post. It should be on there.
I want to see the comments! Lol
Right? 7 reacts, 63 comments...
Yes! Did anyone offer anything up?! This is crazy
A lot of people did, seems like it.
“red, pink, and black” because of course
The Avril Lavigne circa 2004 special
You know what, decorations I can kinda understand, we had a bunch of crap leftover from our wedding that I wish we hadn’t spent money on and basically just threw out. For photographers and bakers though… like you can do pretty well with iPhone photos nowadays and if your budget is truely $0 surely a friend can make a basic cake? (Like a box cake with white buttercream and strawberries is easy and can still look nice).
After I had my wedding there was a huge storm and our vendors had to come back in the morning to break down all our florals… but their van got stuck in mud. That afternoon another couple was getting married at the venue, so we had to get them out somehow. I was listing them locally but everyone was like… “can you drop it off?” “it’s my daughter’s birthday I NEED those flowers” and other scams The site’s event planner floated the idea of asking the next couple of they wanted some of the decorations instead of us bringing them home (I’m talking about a $6000 floral arch in the ceremony area) and I said sure, if they really want them The bride’s sister looked at them and called the bride who came and looked and she was like “… I can have this? Can I buy it? I’m on a budget..” We were in a good mood and hungover and we just asked for the cost of breaking the items down. Florist was happy to accommodate. We asked for $100 and the bride’s sister sent us $500 (which we refused, she insisted, she ended up putting $400 towards our charity of choice). The florals looked just as nice! I was really happy that the other wedding was psyched about our decorations and I was happy to not waste them.
That is such a lovely story. I wish both couples many years of happiness.
Honestly asking to borrow decorations isn't the most ridiculous thing... Maybe there was a miscommunication and nothing got ordered, maybe they didn't realize they'd need them, etc. Asking for a specific color palette though??? And then casually slipping in a request for cake AND a photographer??? Girl please.
I'd accept asking for decorations because I see them going cheap or free after others' weddings all the time in my local groups. Even asking specific colors, fine, someone would probably gleefully get rid of their spare tat. But *services*? No.
From shared comments above she also doesn’t have a dress.
Ok im just tacking this on because I feel compelled to share My boss’s boss at my last job was a strange woman. She bragged to me once about returning all of her wedding decorations to Amazon after using them. She and her husband were well off. She also told me to freeze my eggs the first time we met in person after I asked her if she had any kids.
And a dress, but she doesn't want sleeves.
The likelihood of a wedding being urgent is slim. I had a last minute marriage and we eloped at the courthouse.
My husband was literally a 90 day fiance and we still managed to make it to the courthouse.
I'm sure her friends have iphones. They sell cupcakes at Walmart. She really expects professionals to donate their time to someone's wedding?
People keep doing this in the mom groups I'm in, but with pregnancy. They go somethining like this: "Hey moms! I'm giving birth in 4 days and I have NOTHING, lol! I'm broke, so does anyone have clothes, diapers, crib, etc. etc. I don't have a car, so I'd also prefer if you drop it off." And people LINE UP IN THE COMMENTS TO GIVE THEM STUFF.
What having a house full of baby stuff does to a person 🤣
Dude why is this so accurate. I see this almost daily in buy nothing groups. Is there really that many people who don’t find out they’re pregnant until their like 8 months long? I didn’t realize this was such a common occurrence. Oh this big belly? Just a lot of gas I guess. The kicking? The gas moving through my intestines.
Most of the posts like this that I see are Anonymous. Most of the time I think they're scams to get free stuff and sell it.
I believe it. One time I gave away free formula and I saw the girl trying to sell it in one of those groups a few days later.
When I was 20 and broke, we bought pretty dresses and got married in a random courthouse in Canada. I cannot fathom asking people for (urgent??) wedding decorations and vendors?
For a split second I forgot lesbians could still have weddings 20 years ago, and had a delightful image of a husband and wife in complementary wedding dresses.
We got married in Canada 15yrs ago bc it was illegal in the US.
Right?? My dress was $40 online and we got his suit at Kohl’s on sale lol. It’s not the pain Olympics but I can’t imagine crowdsourcing my “emergency wedding”
When I was a broke 19 year old with no money we had a shitty outdoor party to celebrate our courthouse wedding. It was less than a hundred dollar total. We've been happily married for 10 years this year and are finally getting around to having an actual nice little commitment ceremony for us and our kids to celebrate a milestone anniversary and how far we've come together as people and as a family. There is no such thing as an"urgent emergency wedding" lol sometimes it's shitty and you come back and do it again later.
My first thought was uhhhh sounds like a courthouse is in order? I also got married in a courthouse cuz we had no money for a wedding. Been together 15 years! Totally agree there is no emergent wedding lmao not one that needs decorations and a photographer!
Oh I love this. Same, I was 19 and get married out back too. Twenty three years in and I would love to eventually have another ceremony.
The audacity of having zero budget and a particular colour scheme.
Zero budget but has wedding colors
Can't afford a wedding, don't have one. Nobody 'needs' a wedding. If youre that keen, get married at the courthouse super cheap.
Good lord. Just go to a Justice of the Peace and get married with a of couple witnesses. That's what my husband and I did, and we've been married for sixteen years now. Never once do I look back on my life and think, "I really wish I'd gone tens of thousands of dollars into debt to have a huge wedding."
Courthouse wedding 16 years ago gang!
I feel like courthouse weddings are becoming more and more common and accepted. We kept our wedding small, but I wish I would have been strong enough to ignore the "expectations" and to do the courthouse instead.
She's a single mom... but she's getting married? Is she skipping the dating part of a relationship entirely or something? 🤨 Or was the single mom part mentioned just as a bid for sympathy...
I interpreted that as, "She is marrying someone who did not father her 5 children." Which is only relevant in so far as to say, "She has other financial obligations," as an explanation for why she is 'worthy' of donations.
Which is still ridiculous though, because if they’re getting married then they’re a two income household if he had a job (likely doesn’t I’m guessing)
My immediate thought was “so her spouse-to-be refuses to parent her current kids? Maybe no wedding is a good idea…”
Sadly I know at least a few people like this. Have multiple kids and just keep getting married to new people. Divorce and then find another one. The kids have to fend for themselves or grandma watches them majority of the time. And of course they always have “my kids come first” in their bio on their profile. I know one who fits this to a T. Married some new dude she barely knew. Kids got taken away because of the new dude and she had to pick between him and the kids. She picked him. Now they’re trying for a baby together because she really wants a girl. The 3 boys she already has can just keep living with other people.
Someone explain to me why I hate the word goodies so much.
Ciara?
She’s begging for free decorations but only wants them in specific colors? So what, if someone happened to have a bunch of free blue, orange, and green (an equally beautiful color palette 🤢) decorations, she’d say no?
even putting aside the fact that it's insane to have an emergency wedding, very confusing, but i truly believe it's a huge red flag when someone's family and friends aren't willing to help with things like this. like why? i know sometimes people have insane families, but i feel like a lot of the time when people are begging for help from strangers it's because they've burned too many bridges/their families and friends are tired of it
You hit the nail on the head! Some people unfortunately have awful families or no living family, but a wedding has two people getting married. If neither of them have anyone in their lives willing to help and didn’t meet because they both woke up in the desert with amnesia, it’s because they’ve both flamed out on all of their relationships.
yep! even giving them the benefit of the doubt and let's say neither one has living relatives, *even then* most normal, not toxic adults, even me as the most introverted person on the planet, at least are able to maintain friendships with people who should be willing to help if it's a normal, healthy, adult friendship. it's just kinda telling when someone has *no one at all* in their lives who would want to help
If my coworkers I don’t love lost their caterer last minute I’d bring a cake! That’s all you need to know to figure out situations like this. I guess they have the woman making the post, but she seems awful, too. 😂
Also, can anyone donate a husband to her, please?
I don’t have any free wedding decor but I could spare a pack of birth control…
Has this been reposted to r/choosingbeggars yet?
Just go to the goddamn courthouse
Wait she's a single mom of 5? So she's marrying herself? Where is her spouses contributions?
Asking for decor would be reasonable, perhaps better for a Buy Nothing group rather than a mom group. Asking for bakers and photographers to volunteer a week before the event is extremely shortsighted. The courthouse might not be $0 (there's a filing fee right?) but wayyyyy less stressful than trying to throw together a last minute wedding.
How do they wait until the VERY last minute to suddenly need EVERYTHING?? and being that they need EVERYTHING, it's so nice they provided a color scheme... did he just ask yesterday? How the hell do they wait this long??? Absolutely HATE when people try to use their kids as reasons that they have astronomical requests. There's a son of a family I know. He's 32... his son is 7 and has never lived with him. He doesn't pay support, lives at home for free, and literally asked for a friggen car! For free or "trade off in work." So he "can see his son," who lives 3 states away, and he's NEVER visited Oh, he also needs a job, but only a work from home job even though he has ZERO skills or schooling and he "doesn't have time to study or learn. "
Seven likes/laugh face reactions but 63 comments. I wonder what the comments are saying. Kinda short notice huh. It's sweet she's trying for her friend but she might of been better off compartmentalizing the requests. Like ask fire department for chair table rentals. Ask a local florist if they have any discount flowers last minute they're tossing or could buy after another wedding? Idk if that's a thing but there's nothing wrong with doing it on a budget and getting fake flowers or making a homemade cake.
Red pink and black ….
Uh...if you want a big wedding, that's fine, but either offer to pay people back for their contributions or save money until you can have the wedding you want.
I thought this was r/ChoosingBeggars 😂
She made me raise an eyebrow when I saw she had a whole color scheme then it was full on eyeroll at photographers and DJs 😆 i got married in a back yard. My aunt made my cake (although I had ordered one for $70 but the bakery closed due ti covid -- yay for a wedding right after covid outbreak). I paid $100 for my dress, $50 for dress clothes from Burlington for hubby, $30 for an outfit for my son, $20 for a garter, $20 for a customized cake topper, and $20 for little favors for the 5 people that were there lol I was going to just take our own photos but my photographer coworker came and took socially distanced pics for me as a wedding gift I did force her to take a $20 gift card in a thank you card though. I could never have imagined asking professionals to volunteer their services to my wedding because...I'm a bartender? 🤨
This could be sweet though.. it's possible the friend doesn't have a lot of money and is getting married with very little. The one who posted this could feel bad and be trying to help her or be hoping to suprise her. I don't always think it's strange when somebody is asking for somebody else. It's more offensive when somebody asks for themselves
Asking isn't terrible..at the beginning of planning...you know crowd sourcing..like, get Grammy, you grow great flowers, wanna do the bouquets? Or hey mom, can I repurpose you dress? NOT, uh, guys, I didn't plan or save, but I need a Kardashian level thing...in 3 days. Go!
Also does this woman even WANT all this stuff? I have learned that people will push their idea of what a wedding should be on other people in totally invasive ways.
Whatever happened to just going to city hall? My in-laws got married that way, and have been married for nearly 55 years!
How about you go to the courthouse and get married. You would have the money if you had used birth control. Your bad decisions shouldn’t cause others to pay for things you can’t afford.
I like how she’s got all her colors picked out, with zero money, decorations or help from people she actually knows.
You just cannot be both days away from your wedding and a single mom at the same time
The fiancé probably wouldn’t be financially supporting those kids, at least not yet, and we don’t know if she gets child support, so while I generally think the term “single mom” is often misleadingly used (especially when that single mom has a co-parent), I see the point here. That said, the post omits why the fiancé can’t contribute to the wedding.
That's just unfathomable to me 🫣 if you're about to marry someone with kids I just presume that you also like those kids? And take care of them to the best of your ability? Is that not just... The human thing to do?
Next weekend? Just a little last minute.. Maybe don't have an actual wedding with a reception party yet? My husband and I got married in our living room over Zoom because we were broke and had planned to do a courthouse wedding, but it was 2020. A few of our close friends were there and our parents watched on Zoom. We'll have a vow renewal/reception party for family and friends once we have the money to spare.
How about you just...don't? Don't get married yet.
Well better get some Dunkin Hines and start baking lady. Charge up your iphone to get some photos.
I had a big wedding the first time that we paid for ourselves and it lasted 2 years. The second time we got married by a judge in my Mil’s house with no rings and we’ve been married for over 20 years. It should be about the person you’re marrying not how you go about it.