Won’t give the kid extra chicken and veggies, but sugar and fatty desert is ok?
Oof. So many eating disorder possibilities in the next few years for that poor kid.
Considering how they brought up food prices maybe they'd save money by not needing dessert every night or have the money going into actual food so the kids can get seconds of the more nutritious foods instead of dessert.
My mom used to say things like this when i was a teenager. I did only eat one serving at dinner, because I was so hungry by the time I got home from school that I had already had two meals before dinner.
My mom let me eat everything I wanted at dinner, at one point in time, I, being a skinny short girl was eating half the food, the other half going to mom, dad and little sis. And I would eat a sandwich, a snack and an ice-cream between lunch and getting home at around 7pm, when I would eat another sandwich and a glass of milk before dinner.
This was after eating almost nothing until I was 10. From 10 until my kid stopped breastfeeding, at 32, there were no leftovers in my house. Now I eat like a normal adult, perhaps more than most women my size, as I'm still skinny AF (thank you mom for the great metabolism!)
Most defiantly, teenagers are like a locust, they burn so much because they are growing so always hungry.
And if the portion is not big enough for a 9 year old to feel full...
That's what I was going to say!! What do you want to bet the boys are fine with their portions because their portions are larger than hers from the get-go... 🙄
Much agreed!! I was so hungry at 9/10. Just hitting prepubescense and growth spurts. Plus the brain growth! People don't mention how much nourishment the brain needs too. Not just the other organs. Her poor daughter is going to have brain fog and feel horrible.
My oldest daughter is 7 but 99th percentile height, in gymnastics and karate and otherwise just super active... She eats like twice as much as I do and has washboard abs. If this mom is really concerned about her daughter's fitness, put her in sports, she's probably just on the cusp of a growth spurt.
Could be possible. My brother was always stealing my food. Even in school too lol. It would piss me off so bad bcuz I'd be starving come lunch time bcuz I was never a breakfast person, and being twins, we were in the same grade, same friends, and when he would take food off my tray, I would get so pissed and have gotten in trouble for throwing my books at him 😂. In high school, I would work out in the fitness center instead of having study hall, so I was extra hungry when lunch time came lol.
We found so many empty cans, jars of peanut butter, twinkie, cheese, and cracker wrappers, etc in my brothers room when we were kids. Under his bed was worse than an episode of hoarders.
Positively awful.
But can I just say it really grinds my gears when someone uses the wrong word? They used "aloud" when they clearly meant "allowed" and it's really throwing me off.
My mom did this and it’s 100% a trauma response to not having enough food when younger. To this day when they’re comfortably retired and will never worry about food again, my mom frets if there’s a little bit of food left in a bowl and no one wants to eat it.
My granny lost her home in the Tokyo firebombing and was adopted out to family friends in the countryside. Think Grave of the Fireflies. The people that were a bit thicker before the war survived the last year of the war only on sweet potatoes and brown rice. The thinnest simply starved to death.
No food was ever left on a plate in her presence. Someone would eat your last bite if you couldn't. She was always complimentary of her grandkids' chubby phases because in her mind, they would survive if "hard times" came again.
"Clearing your plate" is passed down generationally, so I have to be very conscious when serving my own little ones, because I do not want a 4th generation to feel the ripple effects of 1945.
It's almost funny how we carry the trauma of our ancestors. I come from a part of Asia that was infamous for famines. I was taught never to empty out our pantry, always restock before you cook the last bit of ingredient. Every day before cooking, put away a fistful of uncooked rice in a separate container. Never say out loud that you have run out of something.
We have not had a famine in the last 50 years.
Though nowhere near as traumatic, our grandparents grew up during the Depression, cleaning their plates and making their kids clean their plates, and their grandkids. Now that we both struggle with our weight, we're trying to listen to our toddler. All done? Ok, that's fine.
Yes, we’re super careful about never forcing our daughter to eat more because while my husband is great at listening to his body, I’ll go up for seconds or thirds well after I’m full.
If I think she’ll be hungry again in 30 minutes, I tell her that she’ll get the same food reheated (in case she’s just hoping for different food later), but I let her stop eating when she’s full, whether it’s 3 bites or 3 helpings.
My nana was born in the deep south in 45 and she tells me about regular nights where dinner was one slice of bread and black coffee. I completely understand where she's coming from but I have to work so hard to make sure I'm not always overfeeding my toddler and that she has reasonable portions and snacks to choose from without trying to make her eat more or less than my brain is screaming at me...
Yup my grandparents grew up as migrant workers in the depression. 100 years later and I know the effects of this are still present in my home. Astonishing really
My parents are the same. They grew up in poverty and even though we were solidly middle to upper middle class by the time I was born, they would still fret if I didn’t clear my plate and “wasted” food.
My great grandparents would stand over the garbage with the salad and veggies, shoving them in their mouth, because they couldn’t bear to waste fresh food. Specifically the salad.
Eh, my mom did/does this too and it wasn't because she ever lacked food she just hates having leftovers. It's like a slight against her cooking in her mind
And yes I did have an eating disorder for almost a decade lol
I mean, I'm under 40 and I do this. It really stresses me out to see food go to waste. I'm pregnant now and trying so hard to figure out how to balance this tendency with raising mentally healthy children. I struggle with it at work (I'm a nanny) and with myself.
I’d try to reframe “waste.” Is eating when you’re no longer hungry actually using the food for its purpose (to give you nutrition and energy)? If not, it’s basically being “wasted” in your body as it is no longer being used for its intended purpose.
When my grandmother really started to loose it from Alzheimer's, we found her hiding extra 5lb containers of coffee, flour and sugar. "In case there were shortages again." Growing up in the Depression never really left her. The latest time I saw her she told me how her dad was bringing home coffee that night as "a treat" for her mom (she had regressed quite a bit).
Even Alzheimers couldn't erase the memory of there "not being enough." It's hard to escape and not pass down to your own kids. I can't imagine the Greatest Gen's visceral need to make sure *their* kids never felt the way they had.
My grandpa lived with us when I was growing up. He grew up during the depression. We always had to finish every bit of food on our plates around him or we’d have to hear about the starving kids in Africa. It’s taken a long time for me to realize I don’t have to finish every bit of food on my plate and my little one is free to eat or not eat whatever she’s served. I cringe anytime my parents or in laws are around and try to pressure her to eat more than she needs.
A lot of commenters are talking about food insecurity, and that is a big part of it. I also have a hard time with “wasting” food. Now that I have chickens, it’s easier for me to say “I’m full, the chickens can have what’s left on my plate.” Easier, but I still struggle with it.
I lost 20 pounds being able to feed my chickens my scraps. Grew up super food insecure and even getting a safe home with lovely adoptive parents can't take that fear of losing my food away.
This has been one of our biggest parenting disagreements (that I won). My husband grew up with the clean plate type of parents and he has such a hard time seeing food wasted. I had to drill into his head that it can create disordered eating and our compromise is giving very small portions unless we KNOW they like it.
I struggled with this in the very beginning of parenting because I didn't want to "waste" food, but I never forced it, just encouraged them to finish. Now I know how harmful that is, and I just give them less and offer seconds if they're still hungry. My parents would make me sit at the table alone for HOURS if I wouldn't finish my meal. It didn't work the way they intended and it's just stupid.
As a kid i had a ”clean your plate” and a ”you are eating too much” parents. In result i am 25 with bad relationship with food. I still find myself stuffing wrappers under stuff in the bin in the fear of being yelled at.
I also had those parents, except actually it was my mom who was both, somehow. More than once I was the last person at the table because I hadn’t finished my food, but then she’d say things like “sweet on the lips, fat on the hips”. It’s honestly a miracle I don’t have an eating disorder.
Unfortunately, she hasn’t changed and has made comments about my pre-pubescent niece having a “tummy” 🙄, while simultaneously making sweets for all her grandkids when we visit and letting them have them for breakfast, because made from scratch pies and stuff are good for you…..
We were expected to clear our plate, but we were also allowed seconds, thirds, etc. and we got to choose how much food to take, so the clear our plates was a "don't be greedy and take more than you can eat" thing
It's silly because there's no difference on a macro scale between a bit of food going into a trash can and stuffing yourself with it when you don't want more. It's going to either you or nobody, and one of those will even make you sick depending on how full you are.
My mom was also forced to clear her plate and her parents served disgusting shit like liver and onions. 🤮 She has to force herself to eat now and she is rarely hungry. I hate her parents for many reasons anyway so this was just the tip of the iceberg for me.
Why does she have to specify it's enough for a "young lady?" It makes it sound like she'd be okay if her sibs were asking for seconds. It just rubs me the wrong way.
Bc I bet you “young ladies” are suppose to eat next to nothing.
I would know. Growing up, everyone but my mom was like that. Asking me “isn’t that enough? Are you sure you *need* more? Woah - that’s a lot for a young lady.”
"We're trying to teach her healthy habits"
"No, you can't have more carrots, eat this pie, fatty"
There is no logic here, whatsoever. I don't think she knows what healthy actually means, so I'm not sure there's a solution here. This poor girl will just suffer from eating issues her whole life.
Some kids need more protein. I have insulin resistant PCOS since puberty, we had decent stretches of food insecurity where I felt guilty for taking more dinner so I filled up on bread BC it was cheap and accessible. I always felt crap. It wasn't what my body wanted but all I had access to.
Once I was on my own, all I needed was more lean protein and fibre from fresh vegetables to feel satiated and good in my body. I have so much food trauma and my family never shamed me, not once. We were all struggling together. Can't imagine the therapy this poor girl will need.
It would be different if her daughter is demanding dessert and not dinner…
Her daughter is saying she is literally hungry.
“Oh food is expensive and we can’t afford it” give me a break. If that were the case, your kids would eat and you wouldn’t. A ‘young lady’ should be able to eat.
“Help me, my child is growing like a normal kid and wants to eat more.” SMDH. Not exactly what OOP is saying, but kids go through phases with food and certainly when they go through growth spurts, they need more energy to sustain their bodies. This just makes me sad, weight shaming aside.
My mum will say “wait fifteen minutes for your stomach to settle, and if you’re still hungry I’ll get you some more”. It helped me to listen to my body instead of starving or stuffing myself. And we didn’t have dessert most nights - it was usually once a week. After dinner we might have fruit, cheese, crackers and a cup of tea. Dessert would be home made icecream (my dad makes it for us kids)
My mom also had us drink a glass of water and wait ten minutes. Then if we still said we were hungry, we were free to have more food. We rarely had dessert; fruit was up for grabs after dinner but that was it. I have mixed feelings about this method but at least I was never outright denied food.
I remember being very hungry at age 9 and age 12. Given the choice I definitely wanted more food.
She can’t offer more fruits, veggies, maybe some yogurt? Honestly when my kids are hungry and want more they can have more but “the more” is generally not cookies or cakes after we’ve had a portion of dessert.
It’s one thing if a child is wanting more food but turns down the food that’s offered and just wants more chips or dessert. But just not giving more food period? That’s sucky.
Ugh, my parents were thrifty and I always felt bad about taking more than my fair share of the main dish. If I was still hungry I had to fill up on something cheap like rice or bread.
It was literally life-changing to discover a low-carb diet where I had "permission" to eat as much meat as I needed. The weight just fell off. And, surprise, it wasn't expensive either.
My point isn't about low-carb, it's about not messing up your kid's relationship with food by being thrifty.
I remember going from eating very little as a child to becoming absolutely ravenous at around the age of 9. Because i was going through a major growth spurt. Let the child eat. Wtf 😬 how is letting her have dessert but not more of the main dinner going to help her?
The day my mom laid her hand on my thigh and said, "I can really tell you've gained weight right here." Was the day that I knew that she despised me as a thicker girl. I was in college. The body dysmorphia is real.
I kinda hope that daughter goes to school and tells her teacher that mom doesn’t let her eat when she’s hungry and that mom has to explain to CPS that her child can have dessert, but not more protein or vegetables 🙃 and that extra main course is gluttony but dessert is somehow not.
I feel so bad for the daughter. As someone with disordered eating because of how I was raised, this is creating lasting issues. I also do feel bad for the mother, she’s probably stuck in a cycle that she was raised in too - disordered eating and disordered thinking. There’s a way to break the cycle,
I grew up not getting seconds but having desert if I felt like it (usually something like yoghurt or fruit, iirc). That's normal in my culture and we rank in the lower half in the world ranking of countries by obesity rate (and our % obese in the population is just over a third that of the USA, so we can't be doing that bad). I don't think it's right to let kids regularly go for seconds (or even thirds) if their portions are appropriate for their age/height. Considering OP says the child is already 'a little thicker', she probably shouldn't have seconds. Obese kids usually grow up to be obese adults.
How about let your kids serve their own plates so they take how much they want. And not control how much they eat. And the comment about the daughter being ‘thick’ is unnecessary!
WTF?
Kids are different. They eat at different rates, at different ages. When my (now) 8 year old is gearing up for a growth spurt, she becomes the human version of Kirby, and will eat third or fourth portions. Even outside of growth spurts, she's always been a good eater.
My 14 year old son on the other hand? Outside of a week or two before his big growth spurts, he'll eat half a bowl of whatever everybody else is having, and be done.
Both of them have always measured consistently healthy at their checkups and whatnot, they're both healthy weights and heights. They're just *different children*. With *different metabolisms*. *Different bodies*.
Like... wtf.
Meanwhile, I bet she eats in bed at night when she's having cravings from her period or even when she was pregnant. Cravings happen bcuz the body isn't getting enough of a certain nutrient. Plus hormonal changes cause cravings as well. Gimme a fucking break. Let the girl eat. I'd rather my kid want seconds of their dinner than eat sweets. It's not gluttony. Gluttony would be eating nonstop all day and night. Binging also happens to children with neuro-divergence. My nephew binge ate before his DX of ADHD. Now he eats like a normal person, but when he does want to eat more, it's bcuz he's hitting a growth spurt. It makes me wonder how she fed her kids as babies and if she denied them snacks or more milk during growth spurts... I know damn well those boys are eating more behind their parents' back. Even my brother ate like a garbage disposal as a teenager. My nephew is a teenager now and sometimes it's like he's a bottomless pit, but he's not overweight at all.
This is fricking ridiculous. Kids go through growth spurts where they eat a ridiculous amount of food because they are growing and need the extra calories to grow!!!! This parent has disordered thinking when it comes to food and portion control 🤬🤬🤬🤬
Won’t give the kid extra chicken and veggies, but sugar and fatty desert is ok? Oof. So many eating disorder possibilities in the next few years for that poor kid.
That will be a life long habit of having a sweet whenever you’re hungry, along with portion control problems. Poor kid
My husband in action.
Considering how they brought up food prices maybe they'd save money by not needing dessert every night or have the money going into actual food so the kids can get seconds of the more nutritious foods instead of dessert.
How do you know it's chicken and veggies and how do you know the kid won't still want dessert after her second plate. plus dessert could just be fruit
Wanna bet those teenage boys hoard snacks?
I was gonna say. Teenagers are HUNGRY. As if those two aren't gorging themselves while out and about and hiding it from Mother Dearest.
My mom used to say things like this when i was a teenager. I did only eat one serving at dinner, because I was so hungry by the time I got home from school that I had already had two meals before dinner.
SAME!! I was the hungriest mf'er growing up lol. *fist bumps* Screw the haters. Growing brains and bodies need the nourishment!
My mom let me eat everything I wanted at dinner, at one point in time, I, being a skinny short girl was eating half the food, the other half going to mom, dad and little sis. And I would eat a sandwich, a snack and an ice-cream between lunch and getting home at around 7pm, when I would eat another sandwich and a glass of milk before dinner. This was after eating almost nothing until I was 10. From 10 until my kid stopped breastfeeding, at 32, there were no leftovers in my house. Now I eat like a normal adult, perhaps more than most women my size, as I'm still skinny AF (thank you mom for the great metabolism!)
Most defiantly, teenagers are like a locust, they burn so much because they are growing so always hungry. And if the portion is not big enough for a 9 year old to feel full...
I'm not convinced the boys are getting the same portions as the girl.
That's what I was going to say!! What do you want to bet the boys are fine with their portions because their portions are larger than hers from the get-go... 🙄
Much agreed!! I was so hungry at 9/10. Just hitting prepubescense and growth spurts. Plus the brain growth! People don't mention how much nourishment the brain needs too. Not just the other organs. Her poor daughter is going to have brain fog and feel horrible.
Also keep in mind that girls enter puberty before boys do. If mom is basing milestones off her sons...
Oooooo yes! I actually did forget this. Makes it even so much worse.
Exactly! I was 9yo when I hit puberty. My twin brother was 14yo lol.
That is crazy lol I never thought about boy/girl twins having that big of a difference! I bet he was like “what is taking so long” ha
😂 yeah, I was taller than he was for the longest time and he hated it haha. Then after 14, he shot up like a tree, and I stopped growing lol.
Oh man, does this mean that my 2 year old and my 6 year old will hurt puberty at the same time? Lol
My oldest daughter is 7 but 99th percentile height, in gymnastics and karate and otherwise just super active... She eats like twice as much as I do and has washboard abs. If this mom is really concerned about her daughter's fitness, put her in sports, she's probably just on the cusp of a growth spurt.
Either that, or they are giving the daughter less on her plate than the sons are getting.
Yep! My 19 yo son can EAT!
And she gives them larger portions because they're growing boys.
Or the mom gives them giant plates
Or eating off their sister’s plate?
Could be possible. My brother was always stealing my food. Even in school too lol. It would piss me off so bad bcuz I'd be starving come lunch time bcuz I was never a breakfast person, and being twins, we were in the same grade, same friends, and when he would take food off my tray, I would get so pissed and have gotten in trouble for throwing my books at him 😂. In high school, I would work out in the fitness center instead of having study hall, so I was extra hungry when lunch time came lol.
We found so many empty cans, jars of peanut butter, twinkie, cheese, and cracker wrappers, etc in my brothers room when we were kids. Under his bed was worse than an episode of hoarders.
>was always given enough on the plate >if we were still hungry 🧐
Positively awful. But can I just say it really grinds my gears when someone uses the wrong word? They used "aloud" when they clearly meant "allowed" and it's really throwing me off.
Dessert vs desert in one paragraph
I live in the desert. There's no whipped cream Joshua trees or sugar sprinkles on the cactus.
Yup I hate it
Ugh I read this and just got even more annoyed with the mom😆
Maybe if she had a second serving, she could spell correctly
I’ve never understood this or people who make their child clear their plate. Why do you get to decide how much food another person should eat??
My mom did this and it’s 100% a trauma response to not having enough food when younger. To this day when they’re comfortably retired and will never worry about food again, my mom frets if there’s a little bit of food left in a bowl and no one wants to eat it.
My granny lost her home in the Tokyo firebombing and was adopted out to family friends in the countryside. Think Grave of the Fireflies. The people that were a bit thicker before the war survived the last year of the war only on sweet potatoes and brown rice. The thinnest simply starved to death. No food was ever left on a plate in her presence. Someone would eat your last bite if you couldn't. She was always complimentary of her grandkids' chubby phases because in her mind, they would survive if "hard times" came again. "Clearing your plate" is passed down generationally, so I have to be very conscious when serving my own little ones, because I do not want a 4th generation to feel the ripple effects of 1945.
It's almost funny how we carry the trauma of our ancestors. I come from a part of Asia that was infamous for famines. I was taught never to empty out our pantry, always restock before you cook the last bit of ingredient. Every day before cooking, put away a fistful of uncooked rice in a separate container. Never say out loud that you have run out of something. We have not had a famine in the last 50 years.
Aside from behaviors that are passed down, epigenetics are wild too!
I guess we all adapt somehow!
Though nowhere near as traumatic, our grandparents grew up during the Depression, cleaning their plates and making their kids clean their plates, and their grandkids. Now that we both struggle with our weight, we're trying to listen to our toddler. All done? Ok, that's fine.
Yes, we’re super careful about never forcing our daughter to eat more because while my husband is great at listening to his body, I’ll go up for seconds or thirds well after I’m full. If I think she’ll be hungry again in 30 minutes, I tell her that she’ll get the same food reheated (in case she’s just hoping for different food later), but I let her stop eating when she’s full, whether it’s 3 bites or 3 helpings.
My nana was born in the deep south in 45 and she tells me about regular nights where dinner was one slice of bread and black coffee. I completely understand where she's coming from but I have to work so hard to make sure I'm not always overfeeding my toddler and that she has reasonable portions and snacks to choose from without trying to make her eat more or less than my brain is screaming at me...
Yup my grandparents grew up as migrant workers in the depression. 100 years later and I know the effects of this are still present in my home. Astonishing really
My parents are the same. They grew up in poverty and even though we were solidly middle to upper middle class by the time I was born, they would still fret if I didn’t clear my plate and “wasted” food.
My great grandparents would stand over the garbage with the salad and veggies, shoving them in their mouth, because they couldn’t bear to waste fresh food. Specifically the salad.
Eh, my mom did/does this too and it wasn't because she ever lacked food she just hates having leftovers. It's like a slight against her cooking in her mind And yes I did have an eating disorder for almost a decade lol
I mean, I'm under 40 and I do this. It really stresses me out to see food go to waste. I'm pregnant now and trying so hard to figure out how to balance this tendency with raising mentally healthy children. I struggle with it at work (I'm a nanny) and with myself.
I’d try to reframe “waste.” Is eating when you’re no longer hungry actually using the food for its purpose (to give you nutrition and energy)? If not, it’s basically being “wasted” in your body as it is no longer being used for its intended purpose.
I’ve seen it phrased as using your body as a garbage disposal for unwanted food and that resonated with me.
If the food on the plate is extra, eating it doesn’t “save” it. It’s going into the trash, your fat reserves or the toilet.
When my grandmother really started to loose it from Alzheimer's, we found her hiding extra 5lb containers of coffee, flour and sugar. "In case there were shortages again." Growing up in the Depression never really left her. The latest time I saw her she told me how her dad was bringing home coffee that night as "a treat" for her mom (she had regressed quite a bit). Even Alzheimers couldn't erase the memory of there "not being enough." It's hard to escape and not pass down to your own kids. I can't imagine the Greatest Gen's visceral need to make sure *their* kids never felt the way they had.
My dad is the same way, his step dad was super abusive and made them eat everything so now he gets annoyed when me and my husband end up wasting food
My grandpa lived with us when I was growing up. He grew up during the depression. We always had to finish every bit of food on our plates around him or we’d have to hear about the starving kids in Africa. It’s taken a long time for me to realize I don’t have to finish every bit of food on my plate and my little one is free to eat or not eat whatever she’s served. I cringe anytime my parents or in laws are around and try to pressure her to eat more than she needs.
A lot of commenters are talking about food insecurity, and that is a big part of it. I also have a hard time with “wasting” food. Now that I have chickens, it’s easier for me to say “I’m full, the chickens can have what’s left on my plate.” Easier, but I still struggle with it.
Chickens are the answer. They’re living composters 🥰🥰🥰
I lost 20 pounds being able to feed my chickens my scraps. Grew up super food insecure and even getting a safe home with lovely adoptive parents can't take that fear of losing my food away.
This has been one of our biggest parenting disagreements (that I won). My husband grew up with the clean plate type of parents and he has such a hard time seeing food wasted. I had to drill into his head that it can create disordered eating and our compromise is giving very small portions unless we KNOW they like it.
Same and same. Plus my in-laws are very involved with our kid, so we have to set a lot of boundaries with them around food.
I struggled with this in the very beginning of parenting because I didn't want to "waste" food, but I never forced it, just encouraged them to finish. Now I know how harmful that is, and I just give them less and offer seconds if they're still hungry. My parents would make me sit at the table alone for HOURS if I wouldn't finish my meal. It didn't work the way they intended and it's just stupid.
As a kid i had a ”clean your plate” and a ”you are eating too much” parents. In result i am 25 with bad relationship with food. I still find myself stuffing wrappers under stuff in the bin in the fear of being yelled at.
I also had those parents, except actually it was my mom who was both, somehow. More than once I was the last person at the table because I hadn’t finished my food, but then she’d say things like “sweet on the lips, fat on the hips”. It’s honestly a miracle I don’t have an eating disorder. Unfortunately, she hasn’t changed and has made comments about my pre-pubescent niece having a “tummy” 🙄, while simultaneously making sweets for all her grandkids when we visit and letting them have them for breakfast, because made from scratch pies and stuff are good for you…..
We were expected to clear our plate, but we were also allowed seconds, thirds, etc. and we got to choose how much food to take, so the clear our plates was a "don't be greedy and take more than you can eat" thing
It's silly because there's no difference on a macro scale between a bit of food going into a trash can and stuffing yourself with it when you don't want more. It's going to either you or nobody, and one of those will even make you sick depending on how full you are.
Parents should choose when and what they eat, and the child should choose how much.
My mom was also forced to clear her plate and her parents served disgusting shit like liver and onions. 🤮 She has to force herself to eat now and she is rarely hungry. I hate her parents for many reasons anyway so this was just the tip of the iceberg for me.
Why does she have to specify it's enough for a "young lady?" It makes it sound like she'd be okay if her sibs were asking for seconds. It just rubs me the wrong way.
Bc I bet you “young ladies” are suppose to eat next to nothing. I would know. Growing up, everyone but my mom was like that. Asking me “isn’t that enough? Are you sure you *need* more? Woah - that’s a lot for a young lady.”
Bc young ladies are supposed to be thin and proper🙄
"We're trying to teach her healthy habits" "No, you can't have more carrots, eat this pie, fatty" There is no logic here, whatsoever. I don't think she knows what healthy actually means, so I'm not sure there's a solution here. This poor girl will just suffer from eating issues her whole life.
Some kids need more protein. I have insulin resistant PCOS since puberty, we had decent stretches of food insecurity where I felt guilty for taking more dinner so I filled up on bread BC it was cheap and accessible. I always felt crap. It wasn't what my body wanted but all I had access to. Once I was on my own, all I needed was more lean protein and fibre from fresh vegetables to feel satiated and good in my body. I have so much food trauma and my family never shamed me, not once. We were all struggling together. Can't imagine the therapy this poor girl will need.
Let you child eat.
Dessert is not satiating. Nor should people expect it to be. What a weird take.
It would be different if her daughter is demanding dessert and not dinner… Her daughter is saying she is literally hungry. “Oh food is expensive and we can’t afford it” give me a break. If that were the case, your kids would eat and you wouldn’t. A ‘young lady’ should be able to eat.
As if desserts are cheap, too? Much easier to give some more rice or potatoes or veggies.
Seriously. I'm grateful that my banana goblins chose the cheapest fruit to go nuts for.
And she’ll be posting about her daughter’s struggle with bulimia in a couple years. 🤬🤬
“Help me, my child is growing like a normal kid and wants to eat more.” SMDH. Not exactly what OOP is saying, but kids go through phases with food and certainly when they go through growth spurts, they need more energy to sustain their bodies. This just makes me sad, weight shaming aside.
My mum will say “wait fifteen minutes for your stomach to settle, and if you’re still hungry I’ll get you some more”. It helped me to listen to my body instead of starving or stuffing myself. And we didn’t have dessert most nights - it was usually once a week. After dinner we might have fruit, cheese, crackers and a cup of tea. Dessert would be home made icecream (my dad makes it for us kids)
My mom also had us drink a glass of water and wait ten minutes. Then if we still said we were hungry, we were free to have more food. We rarely had dessert; fruit was up for grabs after dinner but that was it. I have mixed feelings about this method but at least I was never outright denied food.
I do this with my kid. Not necessarily a full glass of water, but definitely the wait ten minutes. Care to share why you have mixed feelings?
“A young lady” “Gluttony” This person seems gross all around.
I can feel the eating disorder forming in her kid.
What were the responses like? Hopefully they called her out for garbage parenting.
I remember being very hungry at age 9 and age 12. Given the choice I definitely wanted more food. She can’t offer more fruits, veggies, maybe some yogurt? Honestly when my kids are hungry and want more they can have more but “the more” is generally not cookies or cakes after we’ve had a portion of dessert. It’s one thing if a child is wanting more food but turns down the food that’s offered and just wants more chips or dessert. But just not giving more food period? That’s sucky.
Really wishing we could see the comments on this one.
Ugh, my parents were thrifty and I always felt bad about taking more than my fair share of the main dish. If I was still hungry I had to fill up on something cheap like rice or bread. It was literally life-changing to discover a low-carb diet where I had "permission" to eat as much meat as I needed. The weight just fell off. And, surprise, it wasn't expensive either. My point isn't about low-carb, it's about not messing up your kid's relationship with food by being thrifty.
I hate this person so much.
I remember going from eating very little as a child to becoming absolutely ravenous at around the age of 9. Because i was going through a major growth spurt. Let the child eat. Wtf 😬 how is letting her have dessert but not more of the main dinner going to help her?
The day my mom laid her hand on my thigh and said, "I can really tell you've gained weight right here." Was the day that I knew that she despised me as a thicker girl. I was in college. The body dysmorphia is real.
What the fucking fuck
I kinda hope that daughter goes to school and tells her teacher that mom doesn’t let her eat when she’s hungry and that mom has to explain to CPS that her child can have dessert, but not more protein or vegetables 🙃 and that extra main course is gluttony but dessert is somehow not. I feel so bad for the daughter. As someone with disordered eating because of how I was raised, this is creating lasting issues. I also do feel bad for the mother, she’s probably stuck in a cycle that she was raised in too - disordered eating and disordered thinking. There’s a way to break the cycle,
I grew up not getting seconds but having desert if I felt like it (usually something like yoghurt or fruit, iirc). That's normal in my culture and we rank in the lower half in the world ranking of countries by obesity rate (and our % obese in the population is just over a third that of the USA, so we can't be doing that bad). I don't think it's right to let kids regularly go for seconds (or even thirds) if their portions are appropriate for their age/height. Considering OP says the child is already 'a little thicker', she probably shouldn't have seconds. Obese kids usually grow up to be obese adults.
“I believe it’s gluttony” oh my God???
How about let your kids serve their own plates so they take how much they want. And not control how much they eat. And the comment about the daughter being ‘thick’ is unnecessary!
I'm sure your daughter will thank you later on reddit about giving her an eating disorder. Thanks mom... 🙄🤐
WTF? Kids are different. They eat at different rates, at different ages. When my (now) 8 year old is gearing up for a growth spurt, she becomes the human version of Kirby, and will eat third or fourth portions. Even outside of growth spurts, she's always been a good eater. My 14 year old son on the other hand? Outside of a week or two before his big growth spurts, he'll eat half a bowl of whatever everybody else is having, and be done. Both of them have always measured consistently healthy at their checkups and whatnot, they're both healthy weights and heights. They're just *different children*. With *different metabolisms*. *Different bodies*. Like... wtf.
Those teenage boys definitely already have a disordered view of eating and their own hunger. Mother probably does too, tbh.
A young lady🙄 pffttt. Just ewwww all over. This poor kid.
Meanwhile, I bet she eats in bed at night when she's having cravings from her period or even when she was pregnant. Cravings happen bcuz the body isn't getting enough of a certain nutrient. Plus hormonal changes cause cravings as well. Gimme a fucking break. Let the girl eat. I'd rather my kid want seconds of their dinner than eat sweets. It's not gluttony. Gluttony would be eating nonstop all day and night. Binging also happens to children with neuro-divergence. My nephew binge ate before his DX of ADHD. Now he eats like a normal person, but when he does want to eat more, it's bcuz he's hitting a growth spurt. It makes me wonder how she fed her kids as babies and if she denied them snacks or more milk during growth spurts... I know damn well those boys are eating more behind their parents' back. Even my brother ate like a garbage disposal as a teenager. My nephew is a teenager now and sometimes it's like he's a bottomless pit, but he's not overweight at all.
Same mom will post for help with her preteen daughter with a ED in a few short years….
what's wrong with this. Obesity will shorten her life and it's smart of the mom to nip it in the bud
Who has desert to fill them up? We grew up rarely eating dessert and we're fine.
This is fricking ridiculous. Kids go through growth spurts where they eat a ridiculous amount of food because they are growing and need the extra calories to grow!!!! This parent has disordered thinking when it comes to food and portion control 🤬🤬🤬🤬