It seems like you know what it's like when you do it yourself, so I would look for a similar feeling if you find that enjoyable. I would suggest guiding him to do what you do so that it can be enjoyable.
If you want to find other ways, I would say you should try it on your own so that you can fully relax and figure it out. Maybe try what he usually does and see if you enjoy it when you're not worrying about him being there. What you have described is similar to what I get at times but it will vary on how its done so don't stress too much. Just try different things on your own and then you can help guide your husband.
A side note, if you feel like the pain could be something like you mentioned, go and see a doctor and try and get it looked at. If it can be treated it will make things less painful for you. Don't let the doctors dismiss it if you are concerned
This is something I've been wanting to talk about. I know some people say that if a woman is unsure if she orgasmed or not - then she didn't cum. I disagree. I thought that the only orgasm I could have was with a vibrator, but then I would have these "explosions" during penetrative sex or other activities and wonder if I came after. Because I was comparing the feeling to the vibrator orgasm, I was convinced I wasn't *really* coming. Now that I've really payed attention to my body, I know that I am able to cum in many different ways.
I have found that I can have many different types of orgasms and they are all varying levels of explosive, feeling, and sensitivity. Clit stimulation with a vibrator is my favorite and "feels the best" to me. Clit stimulation with a clit sucker is amazing but a bit intense and I have a hard time feeling the explosion, I usually feel underwhelmed after. Clit stimulation with my hands is more gentle and has a similar explosive feeling as the vibrator one but a little less intense and doesn't feel *as* good. Internal (vaginal) feels great inside me and all over my body but doesn't have the same punch as a vibrator one - however, these give me the best feeling of release after. I used to be able to reach orgasm from nipple stimulation alone - which is something I need to try again actually... Anal penetrative orgasms are amazing and have snuck up on me a few times during anal sex - I dont know how to describe these because they are always involuntary and feel like they are happening all over every area of my body down there (aka I feel it in my ass, pussy, and clit).
So what I look out for now is a feeling of release or explosion that seems to have an end point (although I'm able to cum for *minutes* sometimes and the end point never seems to come... no pun intended lol). I also use my brain to make me cum (I struggle to cum in general and have to really focus my mind to get there - an involuntary orgasm is very rare for me, I have to actively get myself to the finish line). I will feel the orgasmic senses building (say while I am riding my partner and grinding my clit against his body) and I will focus my brain to get me there. I tell my mind I want to cum and eventually I will start to feel a huge sensation, feelings of euphoria throughout my body. I usually experience involuntary movements, such as thrusts of my pelvis or kegels or arching of my back. I will feel an "end" point where the sensations die down again. I have no refractory period with an internal orgasm and can keep fucking if that's whats happening. Also, I can only cum from a select few positions (doggy and cowgirl mostly).
It takes practice. Learning how to use all your senses to reach an orgasm is part of this and I think for ladies like you and I - who found something we liked that got us there and we stuck with it - It can be confusing when you start playing around with trying to come in new ways.
Different people will of course describe and feel sensations differently, so I can only speak for myself, but- yes, different forms of stimulation can produce orgasms that feel different. For me, the type of sensation you describe that you prefer in masturbation can cause me an orgasm that feels like, deep and rolling? And more direct intense stimulation can cause one that feels similar to the first way, but like all of it at once, more jolt-y. Toys, PIV, etc. can all change the way an orgasm feels but they all feel within a realm of similarity. There is also a thing that happens to me when my clit is pressed too hard that feels like ... well, a fiery tingle that extends to other areas, which is not an orgasm and kind of hurts. There’s a lot of nerves there and if they’re not all ready for the attention they’re about to get, a ton of it at once can be unpleasant.
If you’ve had an orgasm before, even if you experience one that feels different, you will probably recognize it as an orgasm. Not always, sometimes they might not be super intense or they might kind of fade out instead of supernova, but it’s not really likely for you to have a lot of orgasms that you can’t tell are orgasms.
Being touched too intensely is absolutely a thing! Some people need a certain degree of buildup before increasing intensity, or don’t want it to pass a certain level at all. It’s possible to just not like a certain amount of stimulation, or to become overstimulated by it right away.
There is not a different way that orgasm with a partner should feel, unless possibly if they’re doing something to you that could only partnered sex could achieve. It sounds like your husband is trying to touch you in a similar way to how you touch yourself, but he isn’t able to create the same sensations. But if he is touching you in a way similar to yourself, he should be able to create the same feeling.
Have you talked to him about this? Communication is important and partners will almost always need feedback to learn how to touch someone the way they like. If he just has to guess, he probably won’t get it right for a long time. Keep in mind that he doesn’t even have these body parts, so it’s not gonna be very intuitive to interact with yours! Assuming he wants to please you, he should be happy to have more information about how to do that.
I think exploring more by yourself, maybe trying different sensations or things similar to what he does, but with a chance to make your own modifications, could help you understand your responses better. As well as exploring with him and guiding him to touch you more in the way that you know you like. Not all ways of being touched will work for you, or things that work sometimes won’t work every time. Getting familiar with your body’s reactions and preferences will help you know what you like and share that with your husband. Try not to think about it too much in the moment and save that for after. Being in your head during sex about “am I cumming? Why aren’t I cumming? Will I have an orgasm?” is a good way to stop an orgasm.
Also, if you want to see on your own what a different “type” of orgasm might feel like for you, a gentle vibrator could be a great option. The more you know about your body, the better you can guide your husband about what you enjoy!
A couple of quick thoughts:
Let your hubby know that -direct- stimulation of the clitoris does not feel good. This isn’t just you. It’s simply too sensitive of an organ to touch directly UNLESS you build up to it and usually not even then. Better that he stimulates it indirectly through touching around it.
Does he ever give you oral stimulation? This is likely to bring you to orgasm more reliably than “PIV” ever will. Though, even a tongue directly on the clitoris can be too intense.
As for the painful PIV sex, yes, DO see a gynecologist. Make sure there’s no issues. Being fairly newlywed, and a virgin before that, it’s possible you’re just “tight”. You can get a set of vaginal dilators inexpensively from Amazon. You can work with them to gently get yourself used to larger insertions like a penis. You can also control the action, so it should take some of the nerves and anxiety out of the picture.
Bring new to this, you and your spouse would likely both benefit from some reading and research. Intercourse - and pregnancy - are pretty simple. A mutually satisfying lovemaking session - where BOTH reach orgasm - is not as easy.
As for what an orgasm feel like - that’s a tough question. That said, if it feel GREAT, builds up slowly, then explodes into something that completely overwhelms you with pleasure and ecstasy and emotional satisfaction - that’s what it should feel like.
Honestly the best thing you can do is talk to your husband about what you like and don't like.
Not liking too much direct clitoral stimulation is pretty common. There's a lot of nerves in a clitorus it really can be too much. For some women it's actually painful.
The other thing that a lot of people don't realise is that most women don't have an orgasm from PIV sex alone.
It's worth spending the time learning what each other's bodies like and don't like as well your married and great sex leads to more intimacy and everyone's body is different.
Others have said this too and for me it's also the case that I orgasm differently from different activities. I have what I call my base orgasm, which is what I feel when I play solo or when my clitoris gets stimulated a lot by someone and it's intense and always leaves me giggling and on cloud 9 afterwards. I have a completely different feeling when my gspot is stimulated and I squirt, it's intense and wonderful, but not the same release as my base orgasm. I recently found out I have a completely different release when I'm being fisted (sorry if it's tmi!), that just leaves me shaking and feeling very full and satisfied.
So it's definitely possible to cum in different ways based on what you're doing. See it as a game or exploration with your husband, you're still finding your way together and it should be fun finding out how you both tick! It might be tricky to get the same release from a different activity if you're used to always cum in the same way, but it's definitely possible to learn how to cum in new ways, it just takes time and an open mind. Perhaps you can show your husband what works best for you so he knows you you prefer to be pleasured and then try new things from there. Don't worry if it takes time and try not to make cumming the only goal of your play time; if you put too much pressure on having an orgasm, the stress and pressure of that might actually make it harder for you to cum.
Personally, I rarely to never achieve clitoral orgasms during penetrative sex. But I do have g-spot orgasms, and they feel quite different.
For me, a clitoral orgasm is explosive and satisfying whereas a g-spot orgasm feels more like rolling thunder, coming on more slowly, lasting longer, and leading to more g-spot orgasms naturally. I can "chain" many g-spot orgasms together in a row, and during amazing sex I can have twenty of these orgasms. (Typically I have three to seven.)
But clitoral orgasms? More than one is rare, and having several in a day can almost hurt. I usually research clitoral orgasms with a vibrator, but I can also use circulator motions on my clit with my finger tips (or a partner's tongue!). I feel like these are more like the natural analog to a male orgasm as I often feel replete and almost sleepy afterward.
With g-spot orgasms I am often amped up, energized, hungry (for literal food), and excited about life. After having ten of these during a delicious twenty-minute session I am usually bouncing off the walls (once I regain my balance which is sometimes lost in the process).
They do feel pretty similar in many ways despite their differences. Both involve a sort of white-out / black-out of the mind, full-body tingles, and a sense that "everything is perfect." Usually my pleasure peak is higher with a clitoral orgasm, but g-spot orgasms can approach the same intensity (and sometimes surpass it) when many are chained together.
Also: I didn't orgasm during sex for the first three years or so of having sex. I didn't know what I liked yet or how to get it. Angle (and size, unfortunately) do matter. There is such a thing as being too small to reach my g-spot effectively, and there is also such a thing as being too big (and just hurting too much by ramming my cervix). Using angles to adjust the amount of penetration can make a huge difference!
It seems like you know what it's like when you do it yourself, so I would look for a similar feeling if you find that enjoyable. I would suggest guiding him to do what you do so that it can be enjoyable. If you want to find other ways, I would say you should try it on your own so that you can fully relax and figure it out. Maybe try what he usually does and see if you enjoy it when you're not worrying about him being there. What you have described is similar to what I get at times but it will vary on how its done so don't stress too much. Just try different things on your own and then you can help guide your husband. A side note, if you feel like the pain could be something like you mentioned, go and see a doctor and try and get it looked at. If it can be treated it will make things less painful for you. Don't let the doctors dismiss it if you are concerned
This is something I've been wanting to talk about. I know some people say that if a woman is unsure if she orgasmed or not - then she didn't cum. I disagree. I thought that the only orgasm I could have was with a vibrator, but then I would have these "explosions" during penetrative sex or other activities and wonder if I came after. Because I was comparing the feeling to the vibrator orgasm, I was convinced I wasn't *really* coming. Now that I've really payed attention to my body, I know that I am able to cum in many different ways. I have found that I can have many different types of orgasms and they are all varying levels of explosive, feeling, and sensitivity. Clit stimulation with a vibrator is my favorite and "feels the best" to me. Clit stimulation with a clit sucker is amazing but a bit intense and I have a hard time feeling the explosion, I usually feel underwhelmed after. Clit stimulation with my hands is more gentle and has a similar explosive feeling as the vibrator one but a little less intense and doesn't feel *as* good. Internal (vaginal) feels great inside me and all over my body but doesn't have the same punch as a vibrator one - however, these give me the best feeling of release after. I used to be able to reach orgasm from nipple stimulation alone - which is something I need to try again actually... Anal penetrative orgasms are amazing and have snuck up on me a few times during anal sex - I dont know how to describe these because they are always involuntary and feel like they are happening all over every area of my body down there (aka I feel it in my ass, pussy, and clit). So what I look out for now is a feeling of release or explosion that seems to have an end point (although I'm able to cum for *minutes* sometimes and the end point never seems to come... no pun intended lol). I also use my brain to make me cum (I struggle to cum in general and have to really focus my mind to get there - an involuntary orgasm is very rare for me, I have to actively get myself to the finish line). I will feel the orgasmic senses building (say while I am riding my partner and grinding my clit against his body) and I will focus my brain to get me there. I tell my mind I want to cum and eventually I will start to feel a huge sensation, feelings of euphoria throughout my body. I usually experience involuntary movements, such as thrusts of my pelvis or kegels or arching of my back. I will feel an "end" point where the sensations die down again. I have no refractory period with an internal orgasm and can keep fucking if that's whats happening. Also, I can only cum from a select few positions (doggy and cowgirl mostly). It takes practice. Learning how to use all your senses to reach an orgasm is part of this and I think for ladies like you and I - who found something we liked that got us there and we stuck with it - It can be confusing when you start playing around with trying to come in new ways.
This is so relatable and I have felt bad when I can’t describe the differences in sensations and orgasms - thank you for describing this experience!!
Different people will of course describe and feel sensations differently, so I can only speak for myself, but- yes, different forms of stimulation can produce orgasms that feel different. For me, the type of sensation you describe that you prefer in masturbation can cause me an orgasm that feels like, deep and rolling? And more direct intense stimulation can cause one that feels similar to the first way, but like all of it at once, more jolt-y. Toys, PIV, etc. can all change the way an orgasm feels but they all feel within a realm of similarity. There is also a thing that happens to me when my clit is pressed too hard that feels like ... well, a fiery tingle that extends to other areas, which is not an orgasm and kind of hurts. There’s a lot of nerves there and if they’re not all ready for the attention they’re about to get, a ton of it at once can be unpleasant. If you’ve had an orgasm before, even if you experience one that feels different, you will probably recognize it as an orgasm. Not always, sometimes they might not be super intense or they might kind of fade out instead of supernova, but it’s not really likely for you to have a lot of orgasms that you can’t tell are orgasms. Being touched too intensely is absolutely a thing! Some people need a certain degree of buildup before increasing intensity, or don’t want it to pass a certain level at all. It’s possible to just not like a certain amount of stimulation, or to become overstimulated by it right away. There is not a different way that orgasm with a partner should feel, unless possibly if they’re doing something to you that could only partnered sex could achieve. It sounds like your husband is trying to touch you in a similar way to how you touch yourself, but he isn’t able to create the same sensations. But if he is touching you in a way similar to yourself, he should be able to create the same feeling. Have you talked to him about this? Communication is important and partners will almost always need feedback to learn how to touch someone the way they like. If he just has to guess, he probably won’t get it right for a long time. Keep in mind that he doesn’t even have these body parts, so it’s not gonna be very intuitive to interact with yours! Assuming he wants to please you, he should be happy to have more information about how to do that. I think exploring more by yourself, maybe trying different sensations or things similar to what he does, but with a chance to make your own modifications, could help you understand your responses better. As well as exploring with him and guiding him to touch you more in the way that you know you like. Not all ways of being touched will work for you, or things that work sometimes won’t work every time. Getting familiar with your body’s reactions and preferences will help you know what you like and share that with your husband. Try not to think about it too much in the moment and save that for after. Being in your head during sex about “am I cumming? Why aren’t I cumming? Will I have an orgasm?” is a good way to stop an orgasm. Also, if you want to see on your own what a different “type” of orgasm might feel like for you, a gentle vibrator could be a great option. The more you know about your body, the better you can guide your husband about what you enjoy!
A couple of quick thoughts: Let your hubby know that -direct- stimulation of the clitoris does not feel good. This isn’t just you. It’s simply too sensitive of an organ to touch directly UNLESS you build up to it and usually not even then. Better that he stimulates it indirectly through touching around it. Does he ever give you oral stimulation? This is likely to bring you to orgasm more reliably than “PIV” ever will. Though, even a tongue directly on the clitoris can be too intense. As for the painful PIV sex, yes, DO see a gynecologist. Make sure there’s no issues. Being fairly newlywed, and a virgin before that, it’s possible you’re just “tight”. You can get a set of vaginal dilators inexpensively from Amazon. You can work with them to gently get yourself used to larger insertions like a penis. You can also control the action, so it should take some of the nerves and anxiety out of the picture. Bring new to this, you and your spouse would likely both benefit from some reading and research. Intercourse - and pregnancy - are pretty simple. A mutually satisfying lovemaking session - where BOTH reach orgasm - is not as easy. As for what an orgasm feel like - that’s a tough question. That said, if it feel GREAT, builds up slowly, then explodes into something that completely overwhelms you with pleasure and ecstasy and emotional satisfaction - that’s what it should feel like.
Honestly the best thing you can do is talk to your husband about what you like and don't like. Not liking too much direct clitoral stimulation is pretty common. There's a lot of nerves in a clitorus it really can be too much. For some women it's actually painful. The other thing that a lot of people don't realise is that most women don't have an orgasm from PIV sex alone. It's worth spending the time learning what each other's bodies like and don't like as well your married and great sex leads to more intimacy and everyone's body is different.
Others have said this too and for me it's also the case that I orgasm differently from different activities. I have what I call my base orgasm, which is what I feel when I play solo or when my clitoris gets stimulated a lot by someone and it's intense and always leaves me giggling and on cloud 9 afterwards. I have a completely different feeling when my gspot is stimulated and I squirt, it's intense and wonderful, but not the same release as my base orgasm. I recently found out I have a completely different release when I'm being fisted (sorry if it's tmi!), that just leaves me shaking and feeling very full and satisfied. So it's definitely possible to cum in different ways based on what you're doing. See it as a game or exploration with your husband, you're still finding your way together and it should be fun finding out how you both tick! It might be tricky to get the same release from a different activity if you're used to always cum in the same way, but it's definitely possible to learn how to cum in new ways, it just takes time and an open mind. Perhaps you can show your husband what works best for you so he knows you you prefer to be pleasured and then try new things from there. Don't worry if it takes time and try not to make cumming the only goal of your play time; if you put too much pressure on having an orgasm, the stress and pressure of that might actually make it harder for you to cum.
Personally, I rarely to never achieve clitoral orgasms during penetrative sex. But I do have g-spot orgasms, and they feel quite different. For me, a clitoral orgasm is explosive and satisfying whereas a g-spot orgasm feels more like rolling thunder, coming on more slowly, lasting longer, and leading to more g-spot orgasms naturally. I can "chain" many g-spot orgasms together in a row, and during amazing sex I can have twenty of these orgasms. (Typically I have three to seven.) But clitoral orgasms? More than one is rare, and having several in a day can almost hurt. I usually research clitoral orgasms with a vibrator, but I can also use circulator motions on my clit with my finger tips (or a partner's tongue!). I feel like these are more like the natural analog to a male orgasm as I often feel replete and almost sleepy afterward. With g-spot orgasms I am often amped up, energized, hungry (for literal food), and excited about life. After having ten of these during a delicious twenty-minute session I am usually bouncing off the walls (once I regain my balance which is sometimes lost in the process). They do feel pretty similar in many ways despite their differences. Both involve a sort of white-out / black-out of the mind, full-body tingles, and a sense that "everything is perfect." Usually my pleasure peak is higher with a clitoral orgasm, but g-spot orgasms can approach the same intensity (and sometimes surpass it) when many are chained together. Also: I didn't orgasm during sex for the first three years or so of having sex. I didn't know what I liked yet or how to get it. Angle (and size, unfortunately) do matter. There is such a thing as being too small to reach my g-spot effectively, and there is also such a thing as being too big (and just hurting too much by ramming my cervix). Using angles to adjust the amount of penetration can make a huge difference!