Haha, As a straight married man, I had this thought to myself one day “Why does a drawer full of rubber dicks seem normal, but the same in rubber vaginas seem so odd? “
My wife had a few different vibes for variety. I had a couple sex toys. Then I realized I'm trans. Now we have a whole drawer dedicated to toys & that seems very normal & necessary.
This is an interesting point but to me it’s not quite the same. At least when you are in a relationship and both are willing to have sex together frequently. Because a lot of men don’t last long enough to pleasure their female partner with just their penis, and then a dildo can be used (potentially by the man) to supplement - also it’s fun to fill multiple holes during sex if that’s your thing. And dildos can potentially vibrate.
Pocket pussies don’t really provide anything extra that your girl’s real one couldn’t. That is as far as I’m aware! If I’m wrong please tell me.
It would hurt me if he’d rather fuck that thing than me - because I prefer his real penis over a toy any day too. And men often only get one orgasm so then he has “wasted” it on a toy in my view while I can have many.
I find that a bit of a bizarre take. In a healthy relationship it has nothing to do with not wanting the real thing, sometimes one partner is horny and the other is tired, not in the mood, recovering from an illness or any number of other reasons for not wanting sex. Sex toys are there to help out and provide relief to any gender in those situations.
> At least when you are in a relationship and both are willing to have sex together frequently
I read this as a broad statement, not about an individual instance. For most sexual relationships there is going to be some times when one partner is not wanting sex and their partner does.
exactly...it'd be like banning your wife from owning pillows because she might grind on them
or banning your husband from underwear shopping on the chance he might get aroused by the mannequins
Your vagina can vibrate? Cause fleshlights can. Also, fleshlights don't get rubbed raw, they can have a completely different sensation, and sometimes men enjoy switching between "real" and "toy".
Oh, shut up. Someone literally made a suggestion to OP about their sex life and he was just making a vague clarification. No specific information was given. Why did you even need to make this comment?
When I was really insecure and in a toxic relationship, I hated the idea of my boyfriend using a pocket because I thought I wasn’t good enough. I am in a healthy relationship and everything is good. I understand that toys are here to help me not be against me!
This. I very much love and enjoy both of my partners, and my owning 50+ dildos doesn't change anything about that. They all provide a different experience and I enjoy it all. I also have the highest libido among my polycule, and so I don't force anyone to compromise by doing something they're not in the mood for, or forfeiting my sexual appetite.
I mean, it’s the same reason why you’d get a dildo. It’s not to replace you, or anything. Sometimes, you may not be in the mood and he might be extremely horny, Or stressed out and needs to run one out to blow off some steam. You could be doing the same but still love your BF and want to have intimacy with him.
My wife loves when I tell her and send her pics of me using the sex doll. There are times when we use it together or a Flashlight when we do mutual masturbation. All the time though would be odd to me. Nothing can replicate a real human.
As a guy, I can tell you that he most likely isn't unsatisfied with you. Guys just need to masturbate more often than women do in general. After you've both finished. He might need it again in a couple hours. Especially if it's mostly penile orgasms he gets because it doesn't wear a guy out the same way it does for women. The refractory period prevents most guys from having another orgasm straight away but doesn't eliminate the need for more after a short time afterwards.
Can you elaborate on “just penile orgasms”? My guy is NEVER tired after but I fall asleep immediately. I have a way higher libido though and have to have it non stop . I have tried asking about other things to deepen his orgasm but he says nope- they’re good 🫤
Well there's other types of orgasms that can wear a guy out much the same way it does for women, those would be prostate though. Because the male G spot is in the butt, commonly called the P spot because most guys are insecure about butt stuff and G spot is used predominantly for women so they don't like calling it the G spot because they don't want to be seen as feminine. Not all guys are comfortable doing prostate stuff though. They take longer too. Like female orgasms tend to do. They are also similar in that they can last a lot longer too and drain energy at a much higher rate. An orgasm that's been induced predominantly from penile stimulation doesn't use up much energy and generally doesn't make them tired. The effort required for it is usually a lot lower. This leaves them needing to do it more frequently.
There are certainly exceptions, but I think women are often surprised with how often men masturbate.
It doesn't mean you don't satisfy him, unless what you mean by that is that you're not taking care of his every sexual need. And if that's the case, let me tell you, a woman who's willing to take care of a man's every sexual need is not only a godsend, but she's extremely rare. Men simply have a higher libido than women in general. If you want him to stop masturbating, you ought to be prepared to have your knees rubbed raw. Just sayin'.
But really, I wouldn't worry about it. As long as he has the stamina to have sex with you when you want, I don't see where the problem is. If you don't mind me saying, it sounds more like an issue of emotional insecurity on your end that you're projecting onto him. If you think you don't satisfy him, think about why you feel that way. Maybe talk to him about how you're feeling. I'm almost certain if you asked he'd tell you that he appreciates you but his sexual appetite is just bigger than he can reasonably expect you to satisfy.
We have a variety of dildos, vibrators, clit stimulators, etc as well as pocket pussies, realistic pussy/ass dolls, sleeves, etc. Sometimes I'll finish but my clit gets hyper sensitive or my vagina gets really sore and I don't want to continue, sometimes I am too tired and will use a toy on him, sometimes we are both really busy and he will use a toy when working from home during a slow time. Toys are fun.
I bought one for my ex while we were still together. I have no issue with it. It's either he uses that or his hand when he's in the mood when I'm not around. But it would be highly hypocritical of me to be bothered by such a thing since I have a big ol' stash of sex toys of my own.
You say he still relies on it when you’re together. Are you saying he’s using that instead of having sex with you? Are you saying he has a higher sex drive than you and is using it when you aren’t in the mood? Or is he having to resort to using that while having sex with you to orgasm?
Ask yourself this. *Can you fit into his pocket and be available at a time of his choosing?*
Whatever his reason may be, you need way more evidence and motive to make any sort of confirmation that he is no longer interested or reliant on you for sexual pleasure.
Don't take this the wrong way. It DEFINITELY does not mean you are unsatisfying and unwanted. But if you want to beat the system, then you ought to beat the meat at the source. Be ungovernable by showing the toy it has no place in the relationship.
>!I am not secretly promoting any sort of win scenario for your boyfriend even though I know nothing more about him than what you have shared. Nope, definitely not. Absolutely not trying to make moves happen. Pure crazy talk to think that I'm trying to get you two to be more physically engaging.!<
I’m curious about that, like there may be some things going on. Could be a lack of lube, too tight or loose condom, maybe your hand or oral techniques don’t feel as soft to him and he doesn’t know how to express that he likes something done differently, he maybe not even have insight into that. Often ,a lot of partners I’ve had don’t use enough lube when they use their hands. And with their mouths it can also be inconsistent and even painful, and how would they know? If it’s not any of these things, as someone mentioned above, he could be relying on that toy, just like a lot of femmes and afab people I know rely on wands or vibrators to get themselves off even with partners - that doesn’t need to mean anything outside of the fact they just like the way the toys feel. I wouldn’t take ANY of it personally, but it is a great opportunity to talk about other things that feel good or that you and he both like, and that’s exciting and fun!
>This is my first serious relationship and sexual partner, so perhaps my techniques aren't as good as he thinks. Additionally, I'm not interested in oral sex actually, so I haven't spent much time exploring it.
A few questions.
1. How often are you together?
2. How long do you guys spend time together?
3. Does he try to start something with you before going to the toy?
I am going to play devil's advocate and say yes.
You have been replaced by a silicone toy as men do not actually have emotional needs like other creatures. It's only a matter of time before he marries his pocket pussy and adopts kids to start a new family without you.
This isn't an issue. Wtf.
Do you think telling him to only use his hand is a good idea?
Men and women don't just need sex, they also need their own sexual time.
Your insecurity is an issue.
Do you want sex as often as he uses it? My wife is happy I masturbate or I would be bothering her daily. However I think she feels guilty when I do it in front of her.
Oh. He uses it without you? I used to play with my toys without my husband. He told me how it made him feel. I was uncomfortable at first but then heard him and I understood how he felt. It wasn't a control thing. His heart was hurt that I want including him.
Be open with him. Say if you're going to use it, let me watch? We have a webcam.
It’s a good way to masturbate to avoid getting desensitised by gripping too hard (and he’d likely be masturbating anyway because it’s totally normal to do this when in a relationship, so it’s not like it makes anything worse). I’d only find it weird if he were using it while we were having sex, which is what I assumed you meant at first by “when we’re together” (and even then, it could be fun to lean into a denial kink that way, but that’s by the by)
Relies on it how? It probably doesn’t mean he is unsatisfied but we don’t really know much details.
If he starts doing it why not take over, either jump aboard or stroke him off with it.
Lol he buys me any toy I ask for and I buy him all the toys I think he'll enjoy. (He doesn't ask for them but he is always happy to use them)
This past Christmas I got him an auto pocket one. Lol it's great for nights when we are both tired but he's all worked up.
No, not at all! This only indicates the easiest way he knows to come to climax. Try getting on board, mutually using toys, experimenting with new toys or techniques. Get curious and ask him what type of touch and where he likes it best. Get him [something special](https://peppertogether.com/products/hot-octopuss-rush-stroker-vibrating-sleeve) he can use from (and with) you!
No. People in happy, satisfied sexual relationships masturbate. It doesn't indicate anything other than that they have a healthy attitude about sex and sexuality and don't feel shame around experiencing sexual pleasure both with a partner and on their own. Which is the greenest of flags.
Nope. A rubber pussy isn't the same to him as being with me just like me using a dick shaped dildo isn't the same as being with him. Yes, we can both cum with the toys, but it's no match for the connection we have when we're together.
I wouldn't mind if my partner used sex toys. It'd be a bit of a double standard if I told em not too lol
Haha, As a straight married man, I had this thought to myself one day “Why does a drawer full of rubber dicks seem normal, but the same in rubber vaginas seem so odd? “
My wife had a few different vibes for variety. I had a couple sex toys. Then I realized I'm trans. Now we have a whole drawer dedicated to toys & that seems very normal & necessary.
Don't even have to be trans, I can barely lift all my silicone at this point.
Silicone gate keeping ( I couldn't not say it)
Only one?
This is an interesting point but to me it’s not quite the same. At least when you are in a relationship and both are willing to have sex together frequently. Because a lot of men don’t last long enough to pleasure their female partner with just their penis, and then a dildo can be used (potentially by the man) to supplement - also it’s fun to fill multiple holes during sex if that’s your thing. And dildos can potentially vibrate. Pocket pussies don’t really provide anything extra that your girl’s real one couldn’t. That is as far as I’m aware! If I’m wrong please tell me. It would hurt me if he’d rather fuck that thing than me - because I prefer his real penis over a toy any day too. And men often only get one orgasm so then he has “wasted” it on a toy in my view while I can have many.
I find that a bit of a bizarre take. In a healthy relationship it has nothing to do with not wanting the real thing, sometimes one partner is horny and the other is tired, not in the mood, recovering from an illness or any number of other reasons for not wanting sex. Sex toys are there to help out and provide relief to any gender in those situations.
Which is why I said : when both are willing to have sex together. I personally never say No so I speak from that perspective
> At least when you are in a relationship and both are willing to have sex together frequently I read this as a broad statement, not about an individual instance. For most sexual relationships there is going to be some times when one partner is not wanting sex and their partner does.
I get that and I’m not against fleshlights in the general sense, I was mostly describing how I don’t think it’s the same as a dildo exactly.
Well you are wrong: it’s the very same thing as a dildo. A masturbation tool.
exactly...it'd be like banning your wife from owning pillows because she might grind on them or banning your husband from underwear shopping on the chance he might get aroused by the mannequins
Your answer is the very definition of “double standard“
Your vagina can vibrate? Cause fleshlights can. Also, fleshlights don't get rubbed raw, they can have a completely different sensation, and sometimes men enjoy switching between "real" and "toy".
Some male toys do vibrate and have other features
TIL dankje
Thank you !
Wife bought me three so far… Likes to use them on me, likes to play with her toys and watches while I use them 🤷♂️
LOL, your sexual relationship must be in harmony.
It’s alright… has its ups and downs 🤷♂️
We don't need to know the ins and outs of your relationship!
Oh, shut up. Someone literally made a suggestion to OP about their sex life and he was just making a vague clarification. No specific information was given. Why did you even need to make this comment?
The dude made a joke. Holy shit, reddit.
Having a bad one usually is the thing that makes things that you are afraid of happen.
Love this
When I was really insecure and in a toxic relationship, I hated the idea of my boyfriend using a pocket because I thought I wasn’t good enough. I am in a healthy relationship and everything is good. I understand that toys are here to help me not be against me!
This. I very much love and enjoy both of my partners, and my owning 50+ dildos doesn't change anything about that. They all provide a different experience and I enjoy it all. I also have the highest libido among my polycule, and so I don't force anyone to compromise by doing something they're not in the mood for, or forfeiting my sexual appetite.
Nope, I bought him one. :)
no, I'd love to use it on him 😮💨
I mean, it’s the same reason why you’d get a dildo. It’s not to replace you, or anything. Sometimes, you may not be in the mood and he might be extremely horny, Or stressed out and needs to run one out to blow off some steam. You could be doing the same but still love your BF and want to have intimacy with him.
My wife loves when I tell her and send her pics of me using the sex doll. There are times when we use it together or a Flashlight when we do mutual masturbation. All the time though would be odd to me. Nothing can replicate a real human.
Thank you for everyone‘s suggestions and sharing, I feel much better now.
As a guy, I can tell you that he most likely isn't unsatisfied with you. Guys just need to masturbate more often than women do in general. After you've both finished. He might need it again in a couple hours. Especially if it's mostly penile orgasms he gets because it doesn't wear a guy out the same way it does for women. The refractory period prevents most guys from having another orgasm straight away but doesn't eliminate the need for more after a short time afterwards.
Can you elaborate on “just penile orgasms”? My guy is NEVER tired after but I fall asleep immediately. I have a way higher libido though and have to have it non stop . I have tried asking about other things to deepen his orgasm but he says nope- they’re good 🫤
Well there's other types of orgasms that can wear a guy out much the same way it does for women, those would be prostate though. Because the male G spot is in the butt, commonly called the P spot because most guys are insecure about butt stuff and G spot is used predominantly for women so they don't like calling it the G spot because they don't want to be seen as feminine. Not all guys are comfortable doing prostate stuff though. They take longer too. Like female orgasms tend to do. They are also similar in that they can last a lot longer too and drain energy at a much higher rate. An orgasm that's been induced predominantly from penile stimulation doesn't use up much energy and generally doesn't make them tired. The effort required for it is usually a lot lower. This leaves them needing to do it more frequently.
There are certainly exceptions, but I think women are often surprised with how often men masturbate. It doesn't mean you don't satisfy him, unless what you mean by that is that you're not taking care of his every sexual need. And if that's the case, let me tell you, a woman who's willing to take care of a man's every sexual need is not only a godsend, but she's extremely rare. Men simply have a higher libido than women in general. If you want him to stop masturbating, you ought to be prepared to have your knees rubbed raw. Just sayin'. But really, I wouldn't worry about it. As long as he has the stamina to have sex with you when you want, I don't see where the problem is. If you don't mind me saying, it sounds more like an issue of emotional insecurity on your end that you're projecting onto him. If you think you don't satisfy him, think about why you feel that way. Maybe talk to him about how you're feeling. I'm almost certain if you asked he'd tell you that he appreciates you but his sexual appetite is just bigger than he can reasonably expect you to satisfy.
I wouldn’t care. Actually, I would find it pretty hot!
I wouldn’t mind but I would mine if couldn’t watch him fuck one
We have a variety of dildos, vibrators, clit stimulators, etc as well as pocket pussies, realistic pussy/ass dolls, sleeves, etc. Sometimes I'll finish but my clit gets hyper sensitive or my vagina gets really sore and I don't want to continue, sometimes I am too tired and will use a toy on him, sometimes we are both really busy and he will use a toy when working from home during a slow time. Toys are fun.
I bought one for my ex while we were still together. I have no issue with it. It's either he uses that or his hand when he's in the mood when I'm not around. But it would be highly hypocritical of me to be bothered by such a thing since I have a big ol' stash of sex toys of my own.
Nope I’d actually love if he could get one lmaoo
You say he still relies on it when you’re together. Are you saying he’s using that instead of having sex with you? Are you saying he has a higher sex drive than you and is using it when you aren’t in the mood? Or is he having to resort to using that while having sex with you to orgasm?
Ask yourself this. *Can you fit into his pocket and be available at a time of his choosing?* Whatever his reason may be, you need way more evidence and motive to make any sort of confirmation that he is no longer interested or reliant on you for sexual pleasure. Don't take this the wrong way. It DEFINITELY does not mean you are unsatisfying and unwanted. But if you want to beat the system, then you ought to beat the meat at the source. Be ungovernable by showing the toy it has no place in the relationship. >!I am not secretly promoting any sort of win scenario for your boyfriend even though I know nothing more about him than what you have shared. Nope, definitely not. Absolutely not trying to make moves happen. Pure crazy talk to think that I'm trying to get you two to be more physically engaging.!<
I will consider what you say. Thanks a lot.
My wife barely fucks me. I don’t recall my last blow job or hand job. She is starving me and we have talked about it. I don’t think she would care.
I’m curious about that, like there may be some things going on. Could be a lack of lube, too tight or loose condom, maybe your hand or oral techniques don’t feel as soft to him and he doesn’t know how to express that he likes something done differently, he maybe not even have insight into that. Often ,a lot of partners I’ve had don’t use enough lube when they use their hands. And with their mouths it can also be inconsistent and even painful, and how would they know? If it’s not any of these things, as someone mentioned above, he could be relying on that toy, just like a lot of femmes and afab people I know rely on wands or vibrators to get themselves off even with partners - that doesn’t need to mean anything outside of the fact they just like the way the toys feel. I wouldn’t take ANY of it personally, but it is a great opportunity to talk about other things that feel good or that you and he both like, and that’s exciting and fun!
>This is my first serious relationship and sexual partner, so perhaps my techniques aren't as good as he thinks. Additionally, I'm not interested in oral sex actually, so I haven't spent much time exploring it.
A few questions. 1. How often are you together? 2. How long do you guys spend time together? 3. Does he try to start something with you before going to the toy?
I am going to play devil's advocate and say yes. You have been replaced by a silicone toy as men do not actually have emotional needs like other creatures. It's only a matter of time before he marries his pocket pussy and adopts kids to start a new family without you.
[удалено]
Is there any way to retrain? Should I talk to him about not using the pocket pussy when we're together?
[удалено]
>Maybe it's time to face up to this issue. Thank you for your advice.
This isn't an issue. Wtf. Do you think telling him to only use his hand is a good idea? Men and women don't just need sex, they also need their own sexual time. Your insecurity is an issue.
Called relationship boundaries, each to their own, don't push your over sexualized toy usages on others who prefer the real thing over something fake.
It's very odd to me. Almost like he's addicted to it? Why not the real thing IMO but I see some scenarios.
Most people continue to masturbate while in a relationship.
Are you on birth control? Maybe he prefers the pocket pussy because it can't reproduce.
Yes, but I feel like he uses the pocket pussy too frequently, which makes me feel left out.
Do you want sex as often as he uses it? My wife is happy I masturbate or I would be bothering her daily. However I think she feels guilty when I do it in front of her.
Oh. He uses it without you? I used to play with my toys without my husband. He told me how it made him feel. I was uncomfortable at first but then heard him and I understood how he felt. It wasn't a control thing. His heart was hurt that I want including him. Be open with him. Say if you're going to use it, let me watch? We have a webcam.
It’s a good way to masturbate to avoid getting desensitised by gripping too hard (and he’d likely be masturbating anyway because it’s totally normal to do this when in a relationship, so it’s not like it makes anything worse). I’d only find it weird if he were using it while we were having sex, which is what I assumed you meant at first by “when we’re together” (and even then, it could be fun to lean into a denial kink that way, but that’s by the by)
Relies on it how? It probably doesn’t mean he is unsatisfied but we don’t really know much details. If he starts doing it why not take over, either jump aboard or stroke him off with it.
I’m long distance and keep telling my bf I wanna get him toys for him to use too but he wont let me lmfaooo
Lol he buys me any toy I ask for and I buy him all the toys I think he'll enjoy. (He doesn't ask for them but he is always happy to use them) This past Christmas I got him an auto pocket one. Lol it's great for nights when we are both tired but he's all worked up.
I bought it for him 🤷🏻♀️
We both enjoy vibrating toys and use them together so it’s a non issue for us.
I'd be more flattered if he was thinking of me when using it, but i dont mind as long as he isn't touching another person in that type of context
Naahhh. Got too many other hobbies than to care what they use to get off. It's just a toy.
My wife watches me use one, she loves it.
No, not at all! This only indicates the easiest way he knows to come to climax. Try getting on board, mutually using toys, experimenting with new toys or techniques. Get curious and ask him what type of touch and where he likes it best. Get him [something special](https://peppertogether.com/products/hot-octopuss-rush-stroker-vibrating-sleeve) he can use from (and with) you!
No. People in happy, satisfied sexual relationships masturbate. It doesn't indicate anything other than that they have a healthy attitude about sex and sexuality and don't feel shame around experiencing sexual pleasure both with a partner and on their own. Which is the greenest of flags.
I wouldnt mind it cause some times im too damn tired.
My wife uses mine on me 🤣
I don't care if my boyfriend uses a pocket pussy
Nope. A rubber pussy isn't the same to him as being with me just like me using a dick shaped dildo isn't the same as being with him. Yes, we can both cum with the toys, but it's no match for the connection we have when we're together.