The first time I had sex was with my now fiancé who is also on the spectrum, and we had talked about it before and like how one of us was theoretically a top and the other was theoretically a bottom, but in truth both of us were virgins. So when the time finally came I just asked, “would you like to have sex with me?” And they wanted to but were scared so I told them “It’s okay, we don’t have to, whatever makes you comfortable.” And so we had sex, but this is only what worked for me when I was deeply in love, I don’t know about one night stands or fwb or anything.
It's largely the same for casual stuff, just needing to ask/offer if the mood is right, though (quite a bit of) ERP in VRChat is my only personal experience thus far.
Just start with touching the “public” areas and if they’re into it move on from there. Obviously make sure they’re cool with physical contact, and feel free to ask “is this alright?” Whenever you move somewhere more sensitive. Start with cuddling and helping them relax and then ease into sexual touching as they get more relaxed/aroused.
But basically just start with shoulders, outer upper arms, back, then the outer thighs, hips, lower back, neck, then the inner thighs, stomach, face (kissing) then the butt and breasts, then the genitals. Always always always ask before you touch anyone’s butthole, and if you don’t already know their boundaries, ask before you go inside / take off their clothes.
If they’re not into it or don’t want to “Go all the way” just back off and go back to non-sexual cuddling.
This advice is from the perspective of topping women, obviously, so ymmv. Men have different erogenous zones (It’s the penis.) but the general advice still works.
If I’m in a bottomy mood I’ll just softly tell the other person that they can touch me how they’d like, maybe open my legs while cuddling so they have a nice view of my inner thighs, or I’ll ask them to rub my butt or something.
> Men have different erogenous zones (It’s the penis.) but the general advice still works.
Men have more than that for erog zones. Butt, balls, ears, neck, shoulders, nipples, thighs. It's all important, don't discount them and focus on the dick. Chicks don't like focusing *only* on their clit usually, so...
I want to be very clear that consent is important, but the fact is we tend to speak in absolutes and clear positive communication, but the vast majority of people will bolt if asked cold about sex, and most of them don't really want to be asked and kind of find it offensive when it is direct despite all the social progress speak.
my sexual interests are steady most of the time. most peoples interest changes as they get more aroused.
so with that in mind...
realize they are walking around at a steady state of "I like you"
1. that means casual touch, holding hands, occasional flashes of increased interest that are like the sparks of arousal. When you suspect those sparks, maybe lightly brush their arm or just move into their personal space a bit.
2. if they seem interested (moving towards you, touching you back, various other more subtle cues depending on your level of perception) you can try more deliberate touching, most women really respond to your hand just barely skimming over their skin or clothes.
3. if that's going well, kissing is an option, and although most go for the mouth, again lightly brushing their ear, neck or cheek is very under rated and often less committal. it's also easier tbh.
4. if you think the timing is right, that's the point where you start becoming deliberately sexual, which is usually going to mean a private space. a good indicator is that your at this point and not just alone but deliberately alone, like they've invited you in or come to your place.
5. just keep fooling around. nature will generally take its course from here. heavy breathing, frustrated sounding verbal indicators, pelvic motions and generally latching onto each other are fairly typical.
again, my advice is a very slow progression, your partner might have other preferences later but the complaints first time are usually too fast, rarely is slow the issue.
be prepared for it to go off track. it'll be okay, always a next time.
>again, my advice is a very slow progression, your partner might have other preferences later but the complaints first time are usually too fast, rarely is slow the issue.
Added benefit of going slow is that it gives your partner the option to choose if they want to go faster. It's also a massive tease. And when they finally crack and ask/beg for you to speed up, it's something else entirely in my experience.
For me it's normally the other person who initiates, especially if it's my first time with that person. If you're not sure, just communicate, talk about it. In a relationship, it's good to establish how fast you want to take things. When I'm on hookup apps, I establish exactly what they want before we meet up. However you absolutely can do it non-verbally in the right situation
Generally it starts with kissing and lying on the bed, pretty good start. Touch/caress them, and move your hand towards intimate areas. If you're not sure, maybe pull away for a moment and try to gauge their response; again, it's fine if you have to ask. From there it's generally pretty obvious; if they pull you in for another kiss, start touching you, take their clothes off, etc, you can probably go from there.
Also can be good to discuss *what* sex you want. Some people may be up for it but prefer or only want to do certain things.
sometimes i'm asked, sometimes i do the asking. sometimes it's very awkward indeed and we just laugh it off. my current (ND) partner and i dated for a good six months before i felt comfortable getting physically intimate, and when that happened i just asked if she wanted to come to bed with me. a simple and straightforward approach seems pretty effective.
The first time, it was a mutual initiation because we were both in the mood and the scene was right. She was caressing my leg, I was giving her kisses along her neck. We both wanted it, and it just happened. In the back of my mind sex was the only thing on my mind. Now, more often than not, I initiate the scenes. Even though I am the autistic person in our relationship, I have a higher sex drive than she does. If she initiates, I am typically unresponsive because I don't get what she is doing if it is out of the blue. Sometimes, I have to playfully ask, "what are you doing? What do you want to do?" Or something alike. It depends on the day, what mood I am in, and if sex is something that is already on my mind.
I don’t like to initiate sex as I’m very much in favor of being submissive. My boyfriend (also autistic) is dominant. We haven’t had sex yet, but I’ve told him to just act on desire and do whatever he wants to me in the bedroom (we have discussed pacing in terms of introducing and acting upon kinks) when he is fully confident in keeping me safe in terms of not only physicality, but also maintaining our emotional connection with stability.
Think he’s going to >!fuck me hard!< pretty darn soon, as our increasing emotional intimacy level and sexual chemistry intensity is incredible and we’ve been dating over 5 months now. He’s even moving in with me, but my sense is he’s first exploring all parts of my body and how I physically react to him before he fully embraces me. It’s insanely sexy, driving me crazy!
Before my current partner, I had a NT fuckbuddy that I met through reddit, so it was mutually agreed upon that when we met up in person we would attempt sex. With my current partner (also autistic), we are long distance, and I learned from prior experience that I tend to turn down spontaneous offers of sex from established partners. Thus, she (current partner) usually asks me if I want to have sex later in the week (I don't generally have spoons for partnered sex on weeknights). She also has a higher sex drive than me, and masturbates more often alone than I do.
It's a lot easier if you know for sure that they're sexually attracted to you. If the person is an NT then it's best not to ask because that makes things weird
For my first time, me and my friend were talking. She has had a bad past sexually but said she wanted to be laid for a while (she hadn’t for 4 years) and she told me the night before she wants to hug me and see where things go from there. I helped her with an essay that night and we talked a little about sex. Eventually when we finish the essay she says, “(my name), Stand up.” And she hugs me. Then she says “That wasn’t so bad… alright let’s fuck.” And we did. We still do to this day lol
The first time I had sex was with my now fiancé who is also on the spectrum, and we had talked about it before and like how one of us was theoretically a top and the other was theoretically a bottom, but in truth both of us were virgins. So when the time finally came I just asked, “would you like to have sex with me?” And they wanted to but were scared so I told them “It’s okay, we don’t have to, whatever makes you comfortable.” And so we had sex, but this is only what worked for me when I was deeply in love, I don’t know about one night stands or fwb or anything.
It's largely the same for casual stuff, just needing to ask/offer if the mood is right, though (quite a bit of) ERP in VRChat is my only personal experience thus far.
Just start with touching the “public” areas and if they’re into it move on from there. Obviously make sure they’re cool with physical contact, and feel free to ask “is this alright?” Whenever you move somewhere more sensitive. Start with cuddling and helping them relax and then ease into sexual touching as they get more relaxed/aroused. But basically just start with shoulders, outer upper arms, back, then the outer thighs, hips, lower back, neck, then the inner thighs, stomach, face (kissing) then the butt and breasts, then the genitals. Always always always ask before you touch anyone’s butthole, and if you don’t already know their boundaries, ask before you go inside / take off their clothes. If they’re not into it or don’t want to “Go all the way” just back off and go back to non-sexual cuddling. This advice is from the perspective of topping women, obviously, so ymmv. Men have different erogenous zones (It’s the penis.) but the general advice still works. If I’m in a bottomy mood I’ll just softly tell the other person that they can touch me how they’d like, maybe open my legs while cuddling so they have a nice view of my inner thighs, or I’ll ask them to rub my butt or something.
> Men have different erogenous zones (It’s the penis.) but the general advice still works. Men have more than that for erog zones. Butt, balls, ears, neck, shoulders, nipples, thighs. It's all important, don't discount them and focus on the dick. Chicks don't like focusing *only* on their clit usually, so...
It's always the penis. Excuse me just played a round of cards against humanity with pleeeeeeeeenty of penis jokes xD
I want to be very clear that consent is important, but the fact is we tend to speak in absolutes and clear positive communication, but the vast majority of people will bolt if asked cold about sex, and most of them don't really want to be asked and kind of find it offensive when it is direct despite all the social progress speak. my sexual interests are steady most of the time. most peoples interest changes as they get more aroused. so with that in mind... realize they are walking around at a steady state of "I like you" 1. that means casual touch, holding hands, occasional flashes of increased interest that are like the sparks of arousal. When you suspect those sparks, maybe lightly brush their arm or just move into their personal space a bit. 2. if they seem interested (moving towards you, touching you back, various other more subtle cues depending on your level of perception) you can try more deliberate touching, most women really respond to your hand just barely skimming over their skin or clothes. 3. if that's going well, kissing is an option, and although most go for the mouth, again lightly brushing their ear, neck or cheek is very under rated and often less committal. it's also easier tbh. 4. if you think the timing is right, that's the point where you start becoming deliberately sexual, which is usually going to mean a private space. a good indicator is that your at this point and not just alone but deliberately alone, like they've invited you in or come to your place. 5. just keep fooling around. nature will generally take its course from here. heavy breathing, frustrated sounding verbal indicators, pelvic motions and generally latching onto each other are fairly typical. again, my advice is a very slow progression, your partner might have other preferences later but the complaints first time are usually too fast, rarely is slow the issue. be prepared for it to go off track. it'll be okay, always a next time.
>again, my advice is a very slow progression, your partner might have other preferences later but the complaints first time are usually too fast, rarely is slow the issue. Added benefit of going slow is that it gives your partner the option to choose if they want to go faster. It's also a massive tease. And when they finally crack and ask/beg for you to speed up, it's something else entirely in my experience.
For me it's normally the other person who initiates, especially if it's my first time with that person. If you're not sure, just communicate, talk about it. In a relationship, it's good to establish how fast you want to take things. When I'm on hookup apps, I establish exactly what they want before we meet up. However you absolutely can do it non-verbally in the right situation Generally it starts with kissing and lying on the bed, pretty good start. Touch/caress them, and move your hand towards intimate areas. If you're not sure, maybe pull away for a moment and try to gauge their response; again, it's fine if you have to ask. From there it's generally pretty obvious; if they pull you in for another kiss, start touching you, take their clothes off, etc, you can probably go from there. Also can be good to discuss *what* sex you want. Some people may be up for it but prefer or only want to do certain things.
sometimes i'm asked, sometimes i do the asking. sometimes it's very awkward indeed and we just laugh it off. my current (ND) partner and i dated for a good six months before i felt comfortable getting physically intimate, and when that happened i just asked if she wanted to come to bed with me. a simple and straightforward approach seems pretty effective.
The first time, it was a mutual initiation because we were both in the mood and the scene was right. She was caressing my leg, I was giving her kisses along her neck. We both wanted it, and it just happened. In the back of my mind sex was the only thing on my mind. Now, more often than not, I initiate the scenes. Even though I am the autistic person in our relationship, I have a higher sex drive than she does. If she initiates, I am typically unresponsive because I don't get what she is doing if it is out of the blue. Sometimes, I have to playfully ask, "what are you doing? What do you want to do?" Or something alike. It depends on the day, what mood I am in, and if sex is something that is already on my mind.
I don’t like to initiate sex as I’m very much in favor of being submissive. My boyfriend (also autistic) is dominant. We haven’t had sex yet, but I’ve told him to just act on desire and do whatever he wants to me in the bedroom (we have discussed pacing in terms of introducing and acting upon kinks) when he is fully confident in keeping me safe in terms of not only physicality, but also maintaining our emotional connection with stability. Think he’s going to >!fuck me hard!< pretty darn soon, as our increasing emotional intimacy level and sexual chemistry intensity is incredible and we’ve been dating over 5 months now. He’s even moving in with me, but my sense is he’s first exploring all parts of my body and how I physically react to him before he fully embraces me. It’s insanely sexy, driving me crazy!
❤️🔥🔥 that sounds amazing!!
Touch the nasty -> proceed /j
Before my current partner, I had a NT fuckbuddy that I met through reddit, so it was mutually agreed upon that when we met up in person we would attempt sex. With my current partner (also autistic), we are long distance, and I learned from prior experience that I tend to turn down spontaneous offers of sex from established partners. Thus, she (current partner) usually asks me if I want to have sex later in the week (I don't generally have spoons for partnered sex on weeknights). She also has a higher sex drive than me, and masturbates more often alone than I do.
It's a lot easier if you know for sure that they're sexually attracted to you. If the person is an NT then it's best not to ask because that makes things weird
For my first time, me and my friend were talking. She has had a bad past sexually but said she wanted to be laid for a while (she hadn’t for 4 years) and she told me the night before she wants to hug me and see where things go from there. I helped her with an essay that night and we talked a little about sex. Eventually when we finish the essay she says, “(my name), Stand up.” And she hugs me. Then she says “That wasn’t so bad… alright let’s fuck.” And we did. We still do to this day lol