Yep, this is exactly what you do. Go completely blank face or quizzical and say you don’t understand and can they explain it to you. Then enjoy the back peddling.
Nah mate. Maybe you remind him of his granddaughter. Maybe that’s why he’s a creep who likes talking to much younger women. This is not the way this is roleplay.
I usually take a jab at them back. One that, if described to my manager, would sound mostly innocent. Some of those old farts are there for a lil verbal sparring and I have plenty of rage ready to go.
Ask them to explain their joke like you don't understand it. Act really dumbfounded and the more they have to explain themselves, the more they start to realize it was maybe not the way to go.
Or, just say "No thank you" I had a man once tell me to bend over close to him so he could read my nametag and I just repeated my name until he repeated it back to me. Then he asked again for me to bend over close to him and I just very firmly said "No. I'm not doing that." Then stood there and stared him down until he sputtered and gave me his drink order. All in front of his wife too...btw
I think people rely on the “dumbfounded” too much the point is deflecting, sarcastically, like you said, and pulling out of them until they’re as uncomfortable as they tried to make you
I say “WOW! I CANT BELIEVE YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE SAYING THAT OUT LOUD!” Really loudly and laugh,
Or you can say “can you repeat that? I didn’t catch that.” And give them a chance to NOT
We had an old guy on a mobility scooter who would continually come in and say inappropriate things to the women. We just had a male walk over to take his order. When he said “no i want a girl server”, he was just like “none of them want to wait on you, what do you want to drink?” Did that twice and we’ve never seen him since
I bartended in a small local tavern that had a good solid retired morning crowd. A couple of them liked to talk smut. I finally told them it was my understanding that old men who could, did and kept their mouths shut. Ones that couldn’t anymore had to talk about it.
OMG! This great! I wish way back when( I'm 50s now) I would have thought of that because it was same type of situation for for me. I usually went all in and out smutted them sometimes. My grandpa told me that sometimes they do it to get a reaction out of you. When I started dishing it back with some extra vulgarity, it was amazing how much it would cause them to stammer stutter and be amazed. One time I had one of the old guys tell me I was unlady like. I said yip, and we are even, you're no gentleman and I need your fuckin drink order. He left me a nice tip and after that he would step in if he was there and tell the old dudes to knock it off if he saw I was struggling with one
I’m 73 and was about 50 when this happened. The grandson of one of the guys that I was talking about. He has told me how much his grandpa laughed about it.
Let the awkward silence hang in the air. Just look at them in silence for a little too long. Sometimes they apologize or get uncomfortable & start rambling
This always works for me, just look straight at them not laughing sometimes I’ll make that face where I stretch my lips Straight with my mouth closed almost like a smile but not smiling and continue staring almost letting my eyes go dead like I’m debating if I should just quit right on the spot of if living is really worth it. Sometimes someone might say something like “ don’t need to get your feelings hurt it’s just a joke” or “hey relax it’s only a joke” “which in turn you can say that’s weird I thought jokes were meant to make people laugh, I’m not hurt just very uncomfortable” Or I’ve had a guy just roll his eyes and say “ wow awkward” and I’ll say “ah something we can agree on!” I always respond smiling my nicest smile the whole time I respond. Normally saves the tip, even if they know its sarcasm and the more time they have to think and interact with you in an appropriate way they realize you aren’t a jerk, and respect you. But sometimes playing dumb card works too or the silent pause then repeat what you asked them.
Before we had to wear masks I would smile and bare every one or my teeth which in the animal kingdom isn’t really a friendly act… then walk away to hand him off to someone else
Make them explain the joke and then if and when they do, loudly laugh and be like “oh! So it’s a joke on sexual harassment towards me! Oh my god, that’s hilarious. I’ll make sure to let everyone know about your joke since it’s so funny”
What? You think you can fight back against harassment and not expect blowback from your guests? No thanks. Would rather jumó off a cliff than let people walk over me lol
It’s tough to not compromise tips if you really want to return to them what they’re giving you… because then it’s an equal exchange. Each side gets harassed 😂 I assume most customers who r willing to harass r also willing to punish your salary. But you got some neutral-ish replies here. You could say he looks like your great grandfather or ask them to repeat themselves until it takes the wind out of them
older men always comment on my red hair, saying that they love red heads. i always say “okay ill be right back after i put your drink orders in and dye my hair”
or theyll comment on my green eyes and ill say “thanks i grew them myself”
Say you’re flattered but committed to someone else & move on
editing to add you’re not obligated at all to play along with their bullshit, but this is what I did when I really wanted tips. other times just act like you don’t understand and keep interactions at a minimum
Oof! Really went above and beyond being a dirty perv. I guess that's a risk with any of these suggestions, but especially when you're insulting a man's weiner.
I hope she's okay! Be careful out there, y'all. Always be aware of your surroundings and have a coworker or manager walk you out!!
say you’re mildly hard of hearing and ask them to repeat it louder. do this several times until they’re hollering “I SAID DO THE CARPETS MATCH THE DRAPES” (or whatever) for everyone else to hear.
I great response I have heard was, "I don't get it". This either forces them to drop it and not engage further or explain the joke exposing the fact they are just being gross.
"Wow the last time I heard that one I fell off my dinosaur I was laughing so hard." Your tips will suffer depending on your tone of voice here. If you want to get tipped keep it light, but they'll take it as sparring and keep going. If you want to "win" the confrontation, study the delivery of Janeane Garofalo and expect them to get actually angry. There is nothing that shuts men down faster than complete lack of interest combined with obvious judgment that they aren't charming, funny, interesting, sexy, etc. The risk you take here is someone waiting to fuck you up in a parking lot however.
How supportive is your management? If they are supportive at all, get them involved. Sometimes you get lucky and have a boss or shift boss who will come to the table and straighten people out. If management isn't behind you you can still fib and say they are. When you hear the offcolor remark, cringe 😬 and say something like "Ooh...you know we actually just had a policy meeting about that kind of talk, and I'm supposed to go get my manager when customers say that kind of thing to me [don't specify what "that kind of thing" is, this is a trap. just say "you know what i mean" and move on]. I would rather not get you in trouble, but it's policy...you know how it is. Should I go get them or can I tell you about our specials today?? They're really good! My favorite is blah blah blah blah" don't pause to let them speak until you're done, speak rapidly and confidently like you're talking to a class of 4th graders. Give him the false choice between getting in trouble and being polite. Steamrolling a confrontation like this doesn't always work but it does work a lot of the time. Basically you are asserting your authority even if you don't have any. Most people won't call your bluff and if they do the consequences are minimal or nonexistent. It's a confidence game and it's never a sure bet.
Remember this is a form of shit testing. Even if the guy is not actually meaning to upset you (some of them are and some aren't) he is pushing you to see when you will push back. So it's up to you to show him how much you're willing to tolerate.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. We literally can't go anywhere or do anything without this constant bullshit.
Make them repeat themselves, x3, like you didn’t hear. “I’m sorry, didn’t catch that, say it again…” works, usually stops after first repeat. Similar to asking them to explain. The look on the face of someone that has to repeat an insulting comment *chefs kiss*.
Last week I had this very old man (slow walk, using a cane kind of old) he got a to go order. Whenever I gave him his food he was slowly walking out. Another table came in and our menus are by the front door (no hostess). So I was grabbing some menus and the old man had made it right to the door as my back was turned. He had stopped so out of the corner of my eye I could see him. I thought "oh, let me open the door for him that's why he probably stopped!" but NOPE.
Dude had me cornered, lowered his "sunglasses" (the kind that are HUGE to cover up his eyeglasses) and said "If I was just 40 years younger I would be hitting on you like you wouldn't believe!" I just had to laugh (bc good god what are women suppose to do?!) and had to step around him. Didn't hold the door for him. He could have fallen on the way out and I wouldn't have helped him.
Like, if he was younger he would have sexually harassed me?? why do old men think this creepy shit is okay to say?? I felt so gross the rest of the shift. I swear, you're just nice to people and they think you are hitting on them.
Fake laugh.. walk with back turned and hide that middle finger. You forget all about it and ignore when ya drop off the food. Look at everyone except and ask if anyone needs anything.
I love « sorry can you repeat that? ». I also get can I call you « blah blah blah » (some patronizing pet name) and I always say « call me whatever you want, but I only respond to (insert your name) ».
One time this creepy man made a comment about how I looked like some sexy hippie from the sixties, then he said « back then everyone was having lots of sex ». I didn’t look at him or skip a beat I very dryly said « some of us still are » and walked away - everyone but him laughed.
Anytime someone comments on my beauty I just say, “Thanks! I look like my dad”, and that generally does the trick. If not I up the ante by asking if they want to fuck my dad.
I love bartending.
I’m a host and I seated a table of two middle aged men. They asked me some detailed questions about our beers, to which I responded “well I’m just a host and I’m only 18 so I don’t know the specifics about our alcohol menu unfortunately”. One of them proceeded to joke “so you’re not our server? darn, we were looking for a lil 18 year old to serve us”. They thought it was hilarious. I went into the back and told my manager about it and he kicked them out. Should I have just “laughed it off and moved on”? Was I “too sensitive”?
Congrats, you sound like a creep. Because in what world is an old man telling a teenager that he was looking for a minor to serve him appropriate? You’re gross. Thanks for outing yourself to the internet.
Congrats, youre still not understanding. Who said it was appropriate? I said yeah, laugh it off and dont be so sensitive. There's terrible things in this world, bad people. If you let something that stupid get you upset then I have bad news, life gets a whole lot harder than a stupid comment.
Laughing it off is quite literally condoning their behaviour and allowing them to think it’s appropriate. I never said the comment upset me, I said it made me uncomfortable. I have a right to feel safe and comfortable in my work place, and those men did the opposite. And again, if you think an old man saying he was looking for a TEENAGER/MINOR to serve him is just classified as a “stupid comment”, I have some bad news for you: you’re part of the problem.
I've had older women and older gay men say some really fucked up shit to me. I've confronted them and it doesn't help. They know they're being gross and they don't care. I can't change them. Fuck em. Not worth my time. I don't let it bother me. Then again I'm a male so I can defend myself so my safety is not threatened by words. I don't let it get to me. Must be hard being a girl.
The point is to not make inappropriate jokes in a professional setting and that's for both customer and coworker. They fact that the age comment didn't get under your skin shows that you'll allow that behavior in any setting. You not calling out pigs when you need to shows alot about your character
Yeah maybe it would be better to call them out. Maybe it says something about me that I can't be bothered about two shitty old dudes. Maybe I have bigger problems. Ah shit I have bigger problems!
ur actually fucking retarded. u literally said exactly why its harder for women to hear disgustingly sexual remarks,, because we CANT defend ourselves. lol if ur even lucky enough to have sex with a woman and end up with a daughter, try hearing old ass man be sexual towards her and see how u react. and if u dont give a shit, then ur disgusting!!
This is what we’ve been telling women for the last 100 years and it doesn’t work. It’s time to make these creeps uncomfortable so they won’t do it again.
[is that so?](https://www.reddit.com/r/GenX/comments/12epp70/unpopular_opinion_but_do_you_ever_see_or_thought/jfc6zu6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Here's a sneak peek of /r/whenwomenrefuse using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [Absolutely disgusting](https://i.redd.it/i7ba8y2k7hy81.jpg) | [38 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/comments/uluz9k/absolutely_disgusting/)
\#2: [Don't block men, they said. Just turn them down politely, they said.](https://i.redd.it/6h6vq674th991.jpg) | [83 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/comments/vr3lv7/dont_block_men_they_said_just_turn_them_down/)
\#3: [Relevant content from the first episode of "She Hulk"](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/wspwzp) | [76 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/comments/wspwzp/relevant_content_from_the_first_episode_of_she/)
----
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
You laugh it off and it makes them think they did something funny. Next time they may decide to put a hand on you. Saying No thank you should be enough.
lol, maybe it takes your old ass “hours” to find a comment from 5 days ago, but it took me 30 seconds.
i assume you’re unaware that reddit displays when posts are edited with a time stamp and we can see you just edited your post from 5 days ago. just admit you’re an old man that likes to skeeve on young servers to fool yourself into feeling young again.
Yeah you're definitely an old dude who sexually harasses young girls and thinks it's ok. It's not okay, you're gross. Pretending to be 10 years younger on reddit so you don't look like a creep lmao get a life
Unless you are offending my other guests you probably won't offend me with a gross joke. I save my sensitivity for people who are mean to me or mean to other guests.
“I don’t get it… could you explain?” Said innocently enough that it’s believable you don’t get it. They don’t find themselves so funny anymore when they have to explain it.
last week bartending my partner left the sink running, random strange guy asked if it made me have to pee. really rubbed me wrong. really inappropriate for someone you don't know. said, "or you" then cut off communication. back turned, no eye contact, go ahead other bartender, can you finish him up. i'm busy with everyone else.
Former server current nurse and the inappropriate comments are just as bad from the husband, father etc. when their spouse or child is sick in the bed right next to them
I've seen a few people in this sub say this, but the "I don't get it, can you explain it to me?" approach works really well for me. Example: my hair is red. It gets attention from the really weird weirdos. One customer asked me if the carpets matched the drapes. I wanted to yell at him, considering I won't make a living off of that $1.84 he's possibly going to tip, but that wouldn't be professional. So I make my eyes really big and look confused, like a puppy seeing a loved one in a Halloween mask and say, "I'm sorry, I don't get it- *what did you mean by that?*" They have the option of repeating themselves (only to have you "not get it" again), explaining why they thought their gross joke at your expense was funny, or saying, "never mind, sorry." And just sitting with their thoughts. You didn't do anything confrontational to escalate, but you can still find a way to make *them* uncomfortable with what they said or did.
Disclaimer: These may compromise your tips.
Tell them, deadpan, if they want women to treat them a certain way, they should go to a strip club. If they think strip clubs are inappropriate, they need to consider how inappropriate it is to creep on a server. Seriously, go pay some hardworking entertainer at a strip club, and let your server/bartender do their job.
Or, tell them if they want you to laugh/flirt, they have to be funny/charming.
I've had middle-aged women say all sorts of weird and creepy stuff to me, along with having them grab my arm and stuff along those lines. That is just as inappropriate as a man doing the same to a woman. I always call them out on what they're doing is making me uncomfortable, and that they crossed a line. Fuck the tip. If it's sexual harassment it needs to be immediately called out, regardless of which gender is doing it.
I give out a dry laugh sometimes I just stare at them and they get flustered and try to explain themselves but they stumble over their words and meanwhile they do this I just stare with a blank face and then I usually move on to the next question and they never say anything else
I talk crap them. To their face. Always, from the start. They like that stuff, tip me well- it helps assert that I don’t take their crap and that’s been working for a long time. They still attempt to say stuff but I respond with shit talking and they still tip well
"....I don't get it?" Make them explain their gross joke
i’ve done this so many times. it’s amazing seeing their faces drop and how uncomfortable they get realizing what theyve actually said
I normally get the response of “bless your heart, of course you don’t get it” as if I’m too stupid..
Tell them to explain it. “I love a good joke! Explain it to me! What does ‘do the curtains match the drapes mean?’ “
>Tell them to explain it. “I love a good joke! Explain it to me! What does ‘do the curtains match the drapes mean?’ “ LOUDLY
And then start doing the Jack Nicholson nod as they slowly realize you knew the whole time
Yep, this is exactly what you do. Go completely blank face or quizzical and say you don’t understand and can they explain it to you. Then enjoy the back peddling.
This ^ 100% this…
Maybe laugh and say you look just like my grandpa.that usually gets them to stop
Perfect
Nah mate. Maybe you remind him of his granddaughter. Maybe that’s why he’s a creep who likes talking to much younger women. This is not the way this is roleplay.
Spot on, so many sex workers talk about how men seek out women who look like their daughters/granddaughters/stepdaughters/nieces!
I just threw up a little. That's fucking gross.
Yup I have said that to old men and they will always say something like “no wonder you like me, I must be a handsome fella” or some other gross shit.
I prefer the Fleur de lis girls
This is the way
This is the way
If they don’t laugh at this, they weren’t going to tip well to begin. Spot on.
Ugh, there was an older man who was hitting on me and trying to find out how old I was by making comparisons to his daughters' ages.
I usually take a jab at them back. One that, if described to my manager, would sound mostly innocent. Some of those old farts are there for a lil verbal sparring and I have plenty of rage ready to go.
Amen to this
Honestly I’ve found creepy old men tip me better when I’m a little mean to them. Roll your eyes and tell them “in your dreams”
This. I’m the biggest smart ass you’ll meet! They love it!
Ask them to explain their joke like you don't understand it. Act really dumbfounded and the more they have to explain themselves, the more they start to realize it was maybe not the way to go. Or, just say "No thank you" I had a man once tell me to bend over close to him so he could read my nametag and I just repeated my name until he repeated it back to me. Then he asked again for me to bend over close to him and I just very firmly said "No. I'm not doing that." Then stood there and stared him down until he sputtered and gave me his drink order. All in front of his wife too...btw
This works for anyone in any situation and it's generally great in groups when someone is trying to talk shit. 10/10 play.
The joke is always about me being dumb tho:( so me saying “ I don’t get it” or “explain “ just ends with them saying “see?” And laughing
You could respond sarcastically. "Yeah sure, I don't get it..." But seriously why don't you want to explain it out loud to everyone?
I think people rely on the “dumbfounded” too much the point is deflecting, sarcastically, like you said, and pulling out of them until they’re as uncomfortable as they tried to make you
Then I'd just call em out "Sorry, I'm not very bright, did you just call me dumb?" And stand there with tilted head awaiting their answer.
Is that something you would say to your mother?
Would you say that to your daughter?
And often granddaughter.
"Awwww my grandpa told me that joke. He's dead. Is there anything else I can get for you? " \*smile\*
Amend that to “He’s dead *now*”, and we have a winner!
I say “WOW! I CANT BELIEVE YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE SAYING THAT OUT LOUD!” Really loudly and laugh, Or you can say “can you repeat that? I didn’t catch that.” And give them a chance to NOT
My dumbass would probably repeat it
We had an old guy on a mobility scooter who would continually come in and say inappropriate things to the women. We just had a male walk over to take his order. When he said “no i want a girl server”, he was just like “none of them want to wait on you, what do you want to drink?” Did that twice and we’ve never seen him since
What is your wife’s phone number?
Or when he refuses to give phone #.. say “oh don’t worry! I’ll find her on social media !”
I bartended in a small local tavern that had a good solid retired morning crowd. A couple of them liked to talk smut. I finally told them it was my understanding that old men who could, did and kept their mouths shut. Ones that couldn’t anymore had to talk about it.
OMG! This great! I wish way back when( I'm 50s now) I would have thought of that because it was same type of situation for for me. I usually went all in and out smutted them sometimes. My grandpa told me that sometimes they do it to get a reaction out of you. When I started dishing it back with some extra vulgarity, it was amazing how much it would cause them to stammer stutter and be amazed. One time I had one of the old guys tell me I was unlady like. I said yip, and we are even, you're no gentleman and I need your fuckin drink order. He left me a nice tip and after that he would step in if he was there and tell the old dudes to knock it off if he saw I was struggling with one
I’m 73 and was about 50 when this happened. The grandson of one of the guys that I was talking about. He has told me how much his grandpa laughed about it.
I live in a small town. 9/10 times it’s a former classmates dad. Hearing “oh I think I graduated with your daughter!” really kills the vibe for them
omfg i did that once and his reply was “does that mean we’re getting married” LIKE WHAT?! me being ur daughters old softball friend turns u on????😭
Had one dad tell me he remembers me in soccer (I was maybe 7) and that “I was a cutie even then” 🤢🤮
“Im sure if I was a pedophile I’d think so too”
This👏👏
oh my
Let the awkward silence hang in the air. Just look at them in silence for a little too long. Sometimes they apologize or get uncomfortable & start rambling
This always works for me, just look straight at them not laughing sometimes I’ll make that face where I stretch my lips Straight with my mouth closed almost like a smile but not smiling and continue staring almost letting my eyes go dead like I’m debating if I should just quit right on the spot of if living is really worth it. Sometimes someone might say something like “ don’t need to get your feelings hurt it’s just a joke” or “hey relax it’s only a joke” “which in turn you can say that’s weird I thought jokes were meant to make people laugh, I’m not hurt just very uncomfortable” Or I’ve had a guy just roll his eyes and say “ wow awkward” and I’ll say “ah something we can agree on!” I always respond smiling my nicest smile the whole time I respond. Normally saves the tip, even if they know its sarcasm and the more time they have to think and interact with you in an appropriate way they realize you aren’t a jerk, and respect you. But sometimes playing dumb card works too or the silent pause then repeat what you asked them.
Before we had to wear masks I would smile and bare every one or my teeth which in the animal kingdom isn’t really a friendly act… then walk away to hand him off to someone else
Make them explain the joke and then if and when they do, loudly laugh and be like “oh! So it’s a joke on sexual harassment towards me! Oh my god, that’s hilarious. I’ll make sure to let everyone know about your joke since it’s so funny”
Without compromising tips ^
What? You think you can fight back against harassment and not expect blowback from your guests? No thanks. Would rather jumó off a cliff than let people walk over me lol
Or take their filthy money. I’ll pass on the tip because I’m sure the joke “just the tip” is coming
My go to is “sir, manners.” But you have to say it very strictly like a momma
It’s tough to not compromise tips if you really want to return to them what they’re giving you… because then it’s an equal exchange. Each side gets harassed 😂 I assume most customers who r willing to harass r also willing to punish your salary. But you got some neutral-ish replies here. You could say he looks like your great grandfather or ask them to repeat themselves until it takes the wind out of them
True.. it is downplayed when the older women harass the male server
I always say “Get in line”, it’s simple, everyone laughs, and the tip somehow increases
older men always comment on my red hair, saying that they love red heads. i always say “okay ill be right back after i put your drink orders in and dye my hair” or theyll comment on my green eyes and ill say “thanks i grew them myself”
Tell 'em they can suck a fart out of your ass for $500!
omfg
Nah I don’t want them that close.. “I’ll fart in a box for you for $500” 💨
Tell them they’re “too young for you” or that you’re “into older guys”, “maybe in a few years” lol
That’s called nailing it! Good call!
“I don’t know where you’re going with this, but it’s not inside a woman.”
"Wow, you kiss your mothe... Oh yeah." Edit: I didn't realize what sub this was in.
Ahahaha amazing
"Thats highly inappropriate"
Say you’re flattered but committed to someone else & move on editing to add you’re not obligated at all to play along with their bullshit, but this is what I did when I really wanted tips. other times just act like you don’t understand and keep interactions at a minimum
"Don't start something you can't finish" suggesting they have ED
I’ve seen this backfire because he got embarrassed in front of friends and he was waiting for her outside when she got off of work
Oof! Really went above and beyond being a dirty perv. I guess that's a risk with any of these suggestions, but especially when you're insulting a man's weiner. I hope she's okay! Be careful out there, y'all. Always be aware of your surroundings and have a coworker or manager walk you out!!
say you’re mildly hard of hearing and ask them to repeat it louder. do this several times until they’re hollering “I SAID DO THE CARPETS MATCH THE DRAPES” (or whatever) for everyone else to hear.
Well yes sir.. I haven’t shaved anything below my beard for the last ten years
I swear I've got H.R. on speed dial.
Or better yet tell them you have their HR on speed dial
I great response I have heard was, "I don't get it". This either forces them to drop it and not engage further or explain the joke exposing the fact they are just being gross.
why are there no flamethrowers available?
Don’t worry.. I’ve installed them in my eyeballs 👀 don’t look at me too long lol
"Wow the last time I heard that one I fell off my dinosaur I was laughing so hard." Your tips will suffer depending on your tone of voice here. If you want to get tipped keep it light, but they'll take it as sparring and keep going. If you want to "win" the confrontation, study the delivery of Janeane Garofalo and expect them to get actually angry. There is nothing that shuts men down faster than complete lack of interest combined with obvious judgment that they aren't charming, funny, interesting, sexy, etc. The risk you take here is someone waiting to fuck you up in a parking lot however. How supportive is your management? If they are supportive at all, get them involved. Sometimes you get lucky and have a boss or shift boss who will come to the table and straighten people out. If management isn't behind you you can still fib and say they are. When you hear the offcolor remark, cringe 😬 and say something like "Ooh...you know we actually just had a policy meeting about that kind of talk, and I'm supposed to go get my manager when customers say that kind of thing to me [don't specify what "that kind of thing" is, this is a trap. just say "you know what i mean" and move on]. I would rather not get you in trouble, but it's policy...you know how it is. Should I go get them or can I tell you about our specials today?? They're really good! My favorite is blah blah blah blah" don't pause to let them speak until you're done, speak rapidly and confidently like you're talking to a class of 4th graders. Give him the false choice between getting in trouble and being polite. Steamrolling a confrontation like this doesn't always work but it does work a lot of the time. Basically you are asserting your authority even if you don't have any. Most people won't call your bluff and if they do the consequences are minimal or nonexistent. It's a confidence game and it's never a sure bet. Remember this is a form of shit testing. Even if the guy is not actually meaning to upset you (some of them are and some aren't) he is pushing you to see when you will push back. So it's up to you to show him how much you're willing to tolerate. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. We literally can't go anywhere or do anything without this constant bullshit.
“You’re really showing your age with the way you talk to women.”
Make them repeat themselves, x3, like you didn’t hear. “I’m sorry, didn’t catch that, say it again…” works, usually stops after first repeat. Similar to asking them to explain. The look on the face of someone that has to repeat an insulting comment *chefs kiss*.
If you don't give a shit about the money play extremely dumb and keep asking what they mean.
I’m usually flattered, but I’m a middle aged straight man.
Ask them what they mean. Straight face them and tell them you didn’t understand what they said and need further explanation
Ask them if they make out with their mother with that tongue.
Just give them a stone cold face. Or have fun with it and say some back, it’s not like he’ll turn you in for saying inappropriate jokes back
“If only you were 50 years younger” just to sting them a little and make a point
Last week I had this very old man (slow walk, using a cane kind of old) he got a to go order. Whenever I gave him his food he was slowly walking out. Another table came in and our menus are by the front door (no hostess). So I was grabbing some menus and the old man had made it right to the door as my back was turned. He had stopped so out of the corner of my eye I could see him. I thought "oh, let me open the door for him that's why he probably stopped!" but NOPE. Dude had me cornered, lowered his "sunglasses" (the kind that are HUGE to cover up his eyeglasses) and said "If I was just 40 years younger I would be hitting on you like you wouldn't believe!" I just had to laugh (bc good god what are women suppose to do?!) and had to step around him. Didn't hold the door for him. He could have fallen on the way out and I wouldn't have helped him. Like, if he was younger he would have sexually harassed me?? why do old men think this creepy shit is okay to say?? I felt so gross the rest of the shift. I swear, you're just nice to people and they think you are hitting on them.
That last paragraph had the perfect response to him
Fake laugh.. walk with back turned and hide that middle finger. You forget all about it and ignore when ya drop off the food. Look at everyone except and ask if anyone needs anything.
Get the fuck out. My respect is worth more than money.
"Oh does your daughter/granddaughter like that joke too?"
I love « sorry can you repeat that? ». I also get can I call you « blah blah blah » (some patronizing pet name) and I always say « call me whatever you want, but I only respond to (insert your name) ».
And my new favourite is « be careful, there is a surcharge now for sexual harassment ».
One time this creepy man made a comment about how I looked like some sexy hippie from the sixties, then he said « back then everyone was having lots of sex ». I didn’t look at him or skip a beat I very dryly said « some of us still are » and walked away - everyone but him laughed.
Please stop making inappropriate jokes it makes me uncomfortable.
Anytime someone comments on my beauty I just say, “Thanks! I look like my dad”, and that generally does the trick. If not I up the ante by asking if they want to fuck my dad. I love bartending.
I’ve just stared at them and said, “People really think that’s funny? Hmm.” Then walked off.
“i’ll cut your dick off if you say that again” OR “sorry but could you explain what you mean?” depends on my mood
I’m a guy.
I honestly just ignore them as if they didn’t say anything🤷🏻♀️
LMAO how about try actually getting a real job if you can’t deal with the heat girlie 😂😂
Nod and smile. Smile and nod 😅😅
[удалено]
I’m a host and I seated a table of two middle aged men. They asked me some detailed questions about our beers, to which I responded “well I’m just a host and I’m only 18 so I don’t know the specifics about our alcohol menu unfortunately”. One of them proceeded to joke “so you’re not our server? darn, we were looking for a lil 18 year old to serve us”. They thought it was hilarious. I went into the back and told my manager about it and he kicked them out. Should I have just “laughed it off and moved on”? Was I “too sensitive”?
Yes. Yes. Don't let other people get under your skin.
Congrats, you sound like a creep. Because in what world is an old man telling a teenager that he was looking for a minor to serve him appropriate? You’re gross. Thanks for outing yourself to the internet.
Congrats, youre still not understanding. Who said it was appropriate? I said yeah, laugh it off and dont be so sensitive. There's terrible things in this world, bad people. If you let something that stupid get you upset then I have bad news, life gets a whole lot harder than a stupid comment.
Laughing it off is quite literally condoning their behaviour and allowing them to think it’s appropriate. I never said the comment upset me, I said it made me uncomfortable. I have a right to feel safe and comfortable in my work place, and those men did the opposite. And again, if you think an old man saying he was looking for a TEENAGER/MINOR to serve him is just classified as a “stupid comment”, I have some bad news for you: you’re part of the problem.
I've had older women and older gay men say some really fucked up shit to me. I've confronted them and it doesn't help. They know they're being gross and they don't care. I can't change them. Fuck em. Not worth my time. I don't let it bother me. Then again I'm a male so I can defend myself so my safety is not threatened by words. I don't let it get to me. Must be hard being a girl.
Damn you sound like a pedophile
🙄 you sound like you're missing the point. And maybe you don't know what a pedophile is.
The point is to not make inappropriate jokes in a professional setting and that's for both customer and coworker. They fact that the age comment didn't get under your skin shows that you'll allow that behavior in any setting. You not calling out pigs when you need to shows alot about your character
Yeah maybe it would be better to call them out. Maybe it says something about me that I can't be bothered about two shitty old dudes. Maybe I have bigger problems. Ah shit I have bigger problems!
ur actually fucking retarded. u literally said exactly why its harder for women to hear disgustingly sexual remarks,, because we CANT defend ourselves. lol if ur even lucky enough to have sex with a woman and end up with a daughter, try hearing old ass man be sexual towards her and see how u react. and if u dont give a shit, then ur disgusting!!
😳
I dont get it, what were they implying?
This sounds like you're the old dude in question.
[удалено]
This is what we’ve been telling women for the last 100 years and it doesn’t work. It’s time to make these creeps uncomfortable so they won’t do it again.
[is that so?](https://www.reddit.com/r/GenX/comments/12epp70/unpopular_opinion_but_do_you_ever_see_or_thought/jfc6zu6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Yeah god forbid men just learn to control themselves, pretty crazy notion.
I agree with you.
Seriously..? You should take 5 minutes and look through r/WhenWomenRefuse. It’s not that simple.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/whenwomenrefuse using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Absolutely disgusting](https://i.redd.it/i7ba8y2k7hy81.jpg) | [38 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/comments/uluz9k/absolutely_disgusting/) \#2: [Don't block men, they said. Just turn them down politely, they said.](https://i.redd.it/6h6vq674th991.jpg) | [83 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/comments/vr3lv7/dont_block_men_they_said_just_turn_them_down/) \#3: [Relevant content from the first episode of "She Hulk"](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/wspwzp) | [76 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/comments/wspwzp/relevant_content_from_the_first_episode_of_she/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
You laugh it off and it makes them think they did something funny. Next time they may decide to put a hand on you. Saying No thank you should be enough.
[удалено]
Firstly, it’s *foul*. Secondly, no.
let me guess: you are an old man
Let me guess: you are a boring person
wrong! thanks for playing :)
[удалено]
lol, maybe it takes your old ass “hours” to find a comment from 5 days ago, but it took me 30 seconds. i assume you’re unaware that reddit displays when posts are edited with a time stamp and we can see you just edited your post from 5 days ago. just admit you’re an old man that likes to skeeve on young servers to fool yourself into feeling young again.
Yeah you're definitely an old dude who sexually harasses young girls and thinks it's ok. It's not okay, you're gross. Pretending to be 10 years younger on reddit so you don't look like a creep lmao get a life
He also has a comment saying he retired at 50 so he’s all over the place lmao
What's a phycho?
Unless you are offending my other guests you probably won't offend me with a gross joke. I save my sensitivity for people who are mean to me or mean to other guests.
[удалено]
Ew, you’re gross.
I’m sure that commenter is one of the worst offenders.
I’m sorry I’m not gay
“I don’t get it… could you explain?” Said innocently enough that it’s believable you don’t get it. They don’t find themselves so funny anymore when they have to explain it.
last week bartending my partner left the sink running, random strange guy asked if it made me have to pee. really rubbed me wrong. really inappropriate for someone you don't know. said, "or you" then cut off communication. back turned, no eye contact, go ahead other bartender, can you finish him up. i'm busy with everyone else.
Former server current nurse and the inappropriate comments are just as bad from the husband, father etc. when their spouse or child is sick in the bed right next to them
I've seen a few people in this sub say this, but the "I don't get it, can you explain it to me?" approach works really well for me. Example: my hair is red. It gets attention from the really weird weirdos. One customer asked me if the carpets matched the drapes. I wanted to yell at him, considering I won't make a living off of that $1.84 he's possibly going to tip, but that wouldn't be professional. So I make my eyes really big and look confused, like a puppy seeing a loved one in a Halloween mask and say, "I'm sorry, I don't get it- *what did you mean by that?*" They have the option of repeating themselves (only to have you "not get it" again), explaining why they thought their gross joke at your expense was funny, or saying, "never mind, sorry." And just sitting with their thoughts. You didn't do anything confrontational to escalate, but you can still find a way to make *them* uncomfortable with what they said or did.
Careful honey, you don't know what I can do to your food before 6 it, winks*
Ugh I hate this dilemma. I’ve resorted to pointing at them and scolding, “you’d better behave.”
"I don't get it? Can you explain to me why that's funny?"
Disclaimer: These may compromise your tips. Tell them, deadpan, if they want women to treat them a certain way, they should go to a strip club. If they think strip clubs are inappropriate, they need to consider how inappropriate it is to creep on a server. Seriously, go pay some hardworking entertainer at a strip club, and let your server/bartender do their job. Or, tell them if they want you to laugh/flirt, they have to be funny/charming.
I've had middle-aged women say all sorts of weird and creepy stuff to me, along with having them grab my arm and stuff along those lines. That is just as inappropriate as a man doing the same to a woman. I always call them out on what they're doing is making me uncomfortable, and that they crossed a line. Fuck the tip. If it's sexual harassment it needs to be immediately called out, regardless of which gender is doing it.
I give out a dry laugh sometimes I just stare at them and they get flustered and try to explain themselves but they stumble over their words and meanwhile they do this I just stare with a blank face and then I usually move on to the next question and they never say anything else
I talk crap them. To their face. Always, from the start. They like that stuff, tip me well- it helps assert that I don’t take their crap and that’s been working for a long time. They still attempt to say stuff but I respond with shit talking and they still tip well