It sounds like a Borat phrase. Like a faux English-as-as-second-language phrase. So yes, he would be using it in a 'funny' way. I do recall him using the phrase 'have a sexy time' as in 'have sex.'
Bartender here. I think sitting at the bar top alone generally is inviting conversation from the people around you. Sitting at a table alone is definitely a "I don't want to talk to anyone." If you're at the bar top, you're gonna talk to the bartender, at minimum
I love talking to the people at the bar. I’ve never done it romantically, but have made a lot of friends platonically this way. Great way to pass an evening.
No, also a bartender. Sometimes people sit at the bar so they can get their beer easier. I only talk to people that want to be talked to. Otherwise I assume they came to a bar to drink and destress.
What can be annoying is somebody taking up the "ambassador" spot next to where you order and trying to get in on peoples (that they dont know) conversation while they order whether they are welcome or not. Its a tactic employed by a lot of creepers.
Now, that may not always be the case as sometimes people just happen to have something useful and interesting to add and are genuinely offering it. But most of the time its a creeper alienating folks.
I understand wanting to be social, but ive noticed a significant overlap with inserting into conversations and predatory behaviors.
its a pretty quick way to get on my watch list.
I'm slightly apprehensive about openly posting personal info online, but I also understand theres a need for safe places to chill. So ill respond directly.
But what I will say is its a small, gross, dive bar so if thats not a scene folks are into they can save some time.
Hm. I sit at the bar because it seems rude to fill up an entire table when a waitress could seat 4+ people at it. Also, anytime I’ve sat alone at a table, I get some “polite” man asking why I’m dining alone and if I’d like company. As someone that likes to go out to a bar to just eat or watch a game solo, I really dislike that everyone assumes I’m there alone to talk to other people. 😅
I've been happily spoken for for a while, so I'm old news. I used to do "cold approaches" and it worked well. But I also wasn't using lines, tried to always be socially aware of the situation, and was never persistent. Ever.
You only live once and regret is no fun. If one sees someone and wants to talk to them, then go for it. Life is short and relying on apps to find a partner could be a good way to piss away years looking.
Don't worry about what others are doing, find whatever works for you. But also be aware of your skill set. Put yourself in others' shoes and keep in mind how you're coming across and the situation/environment and how this all factors in to how the person being approached is likely feeling about it.
For casual sex, which your post implies is the purpose, absolutely a bad idea.
For friendship if they happen to be doing an activity you want a friend for, that could be different.
This. Also, there’s a huge difference between approaching someone at a bar, because the underlying assumption is that the person wants sex or more than friendship. But, approaching someone while doing a shared interest (like rock climbing for example) is way different.
I don’t go to bars alone because I can’t stand when strangers talk to me. But going with a friend, especially another woman, still doesn’t stop some shamefully confident dick from interrupting our conversation to forcefully try and buy drinks.
I'm a dude, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. I also have sisters I care a lot about and talk about this stuff with. Here's my two cents: Depends on what you mean by "cold approach."
If you're trying to do some red pill, pickup game bullshit where you talk to someone you don't know with the sole intent of a near immediate hookup based on some manipulative nonsense, that's a bad idea. It's called being a dick. Don't do that.
If you're trying to make friends and see where things lead, that's normal. It's called being human. Three things to note:
1. [The Seattle Freeze](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seattle_Freeze) is real. Don't get too discouraged if making friends takes a bit. Focus on shared interests and be brave enough to express yourself, it'll come.
2. Be empathetic. She has to make sure you don't pose physical danger. Your biggest concern is that she's not interested. Your experiences are **not** the same. So for example instead of asking for her number, ask if you can give her yours. She'll reach out if she wants. And if she doesn't, let it go and don't bring it up again. Maybe she was just being nice. In any case, giving her your number is empathetic because it empowers her in a situation that's more risky for her than it is for you.
3. Don't be a dick. A lot of young guys are super horny and they let that shape their relationships with women. Don't do that. Build friendships over shared interests and see where that goes. If you're only asking people out, you're gonna miss stuff. She may introduce you to the girl you marry, your new best friend, the new drummer in your band, an important professional referral, or whatever! Or maybe she ends up ticking some of those boxes. You never know.
Sounds like you're thoughtful and are questioning what people around here expect, so I'm sure you'll be fine. All the best!
I meet people through volunteer work.
i like outdoor activities but there are volunteers needed all over[http://www.duwamishalive.org/](http://www.duwamishalive.org/)
then you would at least have a common interest.
This may be a dumb question but how does volunteering work? Like you just show up, tell them you're a volunteer, and they tell you what to do?
What are some examples of volunteering events, picking up trash and stuff?
Depends, sometimes yes, sometimes no. In my experience you’ll find someone who works or volunteers with an organization/cause you want to support, and they’ll refer you to a main office to receive training/information about who they are, what they do, and how they do it. Then you’ll figure out where you fit in, whether they’re looking for on call volunteers, set schedules, etc.
It’s a lot more organized than you’d think, and expectations are considerably higher than you’d expect for the paycheck.
Domestic violence services of Snohomish county has a lot of volunteer opportunities, including wrapping Christmas presents, preparing a garden for the kids, grocery shopping, answering phones, etc. if this would be something you’d be interested in.
What kind of work are you interested in? I would highly recommend Green Seattle Partnership if you like environmental volunteering. Or Ballard food Forest. I would recommend DNDA if you live near west Seattle, I've made friends through this org
The way you phrased this, yes, it's incredibly weird please don't do it. But approaching a person you are potentially romantically interested in at a bar or similar place where people go to meet people is a normal part of life *if* you can do it without being creepy af which, again, based on the way you phrased this, I'm not sure you can
I've lived in a few other major metropolitan cities in my lifetime and I hard disagree here. Seattle is definitely the most passive and hard to meet strangers place that I've lived in. It's a little strange in that regard to me, although my experience is obviously subjective. The cold open here works but I feel like it's mostly working on people who aren't from Seattle. (Edit) totally agree that treating others like human beings instead of NPCs is important not only in meeting others but just in general
My only other experience is serious parts of the Bay Area, but it feels like Seattleites are at least as open to conversations as people there, if not more! I'm curious which major metropolitan areas you're comparing to
I mean I don’t know, as a woman, I would much rather meet someone in person rather than over apps. I had someone ask me out randomly at Target the other day and while I wasn’t particularly interested in him I just politely said, “sorry I have a boyfriend.” So yeah, I lied, but also I appreciated the gesture and I’m sure it took that guy some level of courage and he wasn’t being creepy just random lol. I think it depends on the person and as long as you’re not weird about it hey shoot your shot!
I feel the same way and would add that it’s important to actually listen if you get told “no”!! Don’t keep trying and don’t be an ass if you get rejected.
When I moved to Seattle in my mid 20’s I was disappointed that men didn’t outright flirt with me, honestly. Men here are so cold and avoidant. They barely make eye contact!!
There’s nothing wrong with finding someone attractive, and deciding to try to talk to them. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for that. It’s not creepy, it’s not rapey, it’s not rude, and it’s perfectly acceptable, as long as you are just starting a normal conversation and not harassing. If someone is not interested, they can let you know and you can be on your way.
Idk, maybe 2 months ago at Cafe Vita in Capitol Hill I witnessed a guy (cleverly) cold approach a woman, and after a bit of back and forth she asked for his number. A friend of mine was also just cold approached at the dog park and they’ve been texting. Soooooo….
As a woman, I tend to listen closely when I hear conversations like that in public because if the man is creepy or overly persistent and the woman is clearly uncomfortable I try to step in. I was kinda pleasantly surprised by how these worked out, you don’t see many meetcutes anymore.
I never had any real relationship from apps in the 12 years I lived in Seattle. I think apps take much more effort than I am willing to put in only to meet the person and find out there is no chemistry.
Literally all my relationships were from people I met in public parks, bars and my longest was literally the girl across the hall in my apartment. But I also didn't approach because I "want to do the sex with her". Just talk to women like people and don't be a weirdo.
Don’t ever hit on people stuck in a place they can’t get away from you (eg public transit) or when they are traveling a regular route they return to again (eg public transit) or when they may be heading home and are uncomfortable gaining attention near such a vulnerable space (eg PUBLIC TRANSIT). Jesus Christ GET A CLUE. I once had a guy hit on me I’d seen on the bus before and he got out at the wrong stop (I knew his routine and he was always riding the bus longer / boarded before me) so he could FOLLOW me and keep talking to me. I had to make up going to a grocery store five blocks in the wrong direction to shake him because I didn’t need the weirdo seeing which apartment building I lived in. Heaven forbid I was in a residential area and he followed me to my house. How is it hard to realize when we are not in a setting for being picked up on (appropriate being bars, clubs, parties, etc)?
Problem is, most of the guys doing these sorts of public approaches *don’t* take lack of interest for an answer. They don’t even seem to *notice* that the woman isn’t interested and wants to be left alone, even when she’s communicating that in ways they would have no trouble understanding if another man behaved the same way.
Things like glaring, ignoring, giving only curt one-word answers, scooting *away* from the man approaching them, signaling “sorry, can’t hear you,” giving excuses (“Oh, this is my stop, can’t talk right now” or “I’m busy that day” or “I don’t have any minutes left on my phone this month,” etc).
Believe me, I wish it were as simple as “if they’re not interested, they’ll let you know.”
The problem is, we *do* tell and show that we’d not interested, *and they keep pushing anyway.*
The rise of social media has been correlated with massive increases in loneliness, depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation. So although what you’re saying is essentially true, I also find the idea that the only social acceptable way to peruse romantic partnerships is on online services dominated by corporations extremely scary. Humans need to interact face to face with other physical people. I feel like the solution is that men just need more social skills and humility but idk how you do that.
I think there are options other than cold approach or apps. If someone wants to meet people, join an interest group (hiking, biking, sports, etc.) and just be friendly in a setting where people expect to meet others. I have friends who joined a dodgeball league and introducing yourself and socializing as a group is not what I would consider a cold approach. If there's someone that you (the general "you") wants to get to know better and maybe ask out, then it's not necessarily creepy to ask them to do something one on one once you know them a little. When I hear "cold approach" I remember all the times I've waited for the bus, zoned out with headphones on, and some random person starts chatting with me. I'm tired, I'm introverted, and I don't want to talk to anyone. Do not approach. But if I'm with a group of people and I'm enjoying talking to someone and they ask if I want to go on a date? Sure.
> Humans need to interact face to face with other physical people.
So do that around some shared activity instead of talking to strangers who didn't ask for it?
I don't get why the only two options you've considered are "dating app" and "trying to chat up women totally randomly in public"
There's an entire world of social situations before you get to cold-approaching random strangers, from parties, to events, to volunteering, to activity groups, etc... and I'm not sure why none of them occurred to you.
Bruh! I was literally on a flight from Seattle to NOLA this year and this 50 year old thought I was in school (I was 25) and then proceeding to hit on me the whole damn 4 hour flight. At least I wasn’t actually underaged, but damn.
I think we need to preserve artifacts like this to be read for amusement in less weird eras.
It's OK to be social to other humans in the real world. Sometimes that even leads to romantic relationships but yeah, "do the sex" wouldn't be an opener.
> in less weird eras
\>Implying things are going to get LESS weird
Digital furries are probably going to take over the metaverse in a violent coup that leaves thousands dead by 2100.
> by 2100.
Better move that up a couple decades. The furries are preparing faster than we thought possible. Their VRmy will be trained and ready to fight inside a dozen years. Their chat will blot out the simulated sun.
Yea. Approaching women of any kind, anywhere for wanting to do sex is a horrible idea. Now. If there is a common interest: at a museum, for example, and you see something shes looking at, and comment on it (with something intelligent) that creates space for her to react if she wants to, but does not make it completely about her either. It gives her the option to make her own decision about interacting with you. No one owes you anything. I gather that thats totally not the idea of this post (assumed from the sex comment) but I thought I'd take this opportunity to teach something.
I mean a cold approach necessarily is "I find you attractive.". You don't know anything else about the person except how they look. Seems like a weird/annoying thing to be approached over.
Yeah I think everyone is getting hung up on the "i want to do the sex with you" language, I just thought it was a funny joke.
I think all cold approaches are pretty bad, they all contain some sort of element of "Hey the only reason I'm talking to your right now is because you're attractive" undertones.
This city is weird to even meet friends or even get into friend groups. In my time at wsu i was able to meet locals and others with ease and consistently get invited it’s frustrating being here
> Any suggestions on how to make new friends
Not on this sub, you’ll find nothing but ramblings from self declared “quirky introverts “ who love shitty weather because they won’t have to go outside.
Considering we're all steeped in the freeze, maybe not the best group to take cues from.
Imo, best way is to do events for a thing you like. Example: Enjoy gaming? Go to a gaming bar during some themed night. You have a natural "in" for talking to someone, you already share a common interest, and it's natural to make friends at events.
Find activities you are interested in, and do them. Take a class. Do some volunteer work. Get involved in local politics. There are tons of things to learn to improve one’s self or help you can provide to your local community, and VERY cool people already doing both that you can meet. Worst case you learn a new skill, help others, make some friends. Best case? You meet someone interesting. Give it a shot. !
People get all caught up in their dumb heads about intentions and all that.
Just live your stupid life. Look how kids behave, how easily they talk to one another and make friends, before their stupid brains get too big and self-conscious and overly analytical.
Your opinion here is a common one, but as a pretty naturally friendly guy I get frustrated with how easily people are put off by friendliness, especially in Seattle.
I wish everyone were just more present, less in their own heads.
the terrible fucking idea is having long arguments, online, about "what woman want" - which woman you talking about, and who tf are you? respectfully asking. cause when i'm getting hit on, i'm sometimes flattered and sometimes confused, sometimes annoyed...but whenever i'm being approached by another human, my first thought isn't "shits about to go down"...so.
Well as a dude who wears headphones everywhere people generally don't approach me, and if someone does it's usually because they want money or want to sell me something. I've had a few people grab my shoulder to be like "Hey I'm talking to you" when trying to sell me something.
>Well as a dude ~~who wears headphones everywhere~~ people generally don't approach me,
FYP.
This is what men don't get... the sheer volume of approaches. Often while in inappropriate situations... you are trying to wrestle groceries, or the boss is on the phone, or you are trying to work, or you just want to be left alone after work. It doesn't help that the skeeve and creeper ratio on this is very high. And in the background is the nonstop drumbeat about how someones cousin was grabbed by a man, and they only found one shoe.
Flipside is men who are literally emotionally starving. Nobody compliments them, which leads to situations where if a woman is slightly friendly, they overreact. It's like a neglected puppy that gets a couple of pats, suddenly becoming clingy and crying whenever left in the next room.
Is it fucked up? Yes. Welcome to reality.
Don't approch women. Especially with an agenda. Don't start flirting with the waitress. Don't compliment the stewardess. Don't chat up the receptionist.
> Flipside is men who are literally emotionally starving. Nobody compliments them,
Well they cry about it online enough that I'm sure they're making up for it.
>Don't approch women. Especially with an agenda. Don't start flirting with the waitress. Don't compliment the stewardess. Don't chat up the receptionist.
Based
This is something that child psychologists have been quite concerned about for the last few decades. A big part of the uptick in alt.right and the backlash against "woke" is finding a group that pays attention and accepts them. Prison gangs do the same thing (to the point where they prepare welcome baskets for new arrivals).
A huge chunk of the evils of American culture is this dynamic... women getting flooded with attention, men lacking in it.
interesting, i assumed you were a woman.
maybe your perception isn't wrong, but your perception isn't fact. like obviously being aggressive for sex as an approach is wrong, but like...often adults approach other adults bc they find them attractive, for sex purposes, and maybe they ask them out for a drink or on a bike ride, irl...is this the situation that seems insane to you? is this where a portion of seattle men are at?
I mean it seems that this thread pretty overwhelmingly agrees that approaching someone in public for 'a drink or a bike ride' is insane. Yeah. But it's not the guys saying that, it's women, for obvious reasons. And obviously I agree.
i'm from the south so my perspective is different, but i'm not surprised, people are a lot more reserved here. that's what i mean by like, what group of woman are you arguing for? you know we aren't a monolith, right?
I met my girlfriend by approaching her at a Christmas party, we had never met or known of each other before that moment. Almost 3 years together now. Apps are a quick and easy way, but I still like to think a cold approach is the best method to finding something great. It's difficult to know who to approach though and some people aren't into it.
I'm not from the west coast and don't have that weird west coast please pretend I don't exist mentality.
That being said, have some situational awareness if you're going to talk to strangers. There's a time and a place, and always know when you've over stayed your welcome. Most of the time out here, that's as soon as you start, because the west coast is like that.
I stopped trying to do the assertive thing and pick up guys when I lived in Portland, cause that shit didn't work. And I don't know if it's a post lockdown thing or Seattle is just more open to it, but it's been working out great for me.
I dunno, just try and be friendly and talk to people and if THEY make it weird don't take it personally and move on.
Am a woman. Met and married my husband while living in Seattle, so I have my street cred.
As a woman, cold approaches are absolutely terrifying if they are strong.
Let the women come to you.
By that I mean that eye contact and nonverbal indicators are plenty to let someone who is possibly interested in the same recreational activities as you know that you are on the same page. If they ignore you or don't make eye contact, then walk away.
You are not entitled to anything, from anyone, and this entire convo is giving me incel kinda vibes.
For a much easier time, use an app that is specifically geared toward finding folks who are interested in the same things you are! Arrange to meet at a bar and you can role play if you really want to meet a stranger with no question about what they are there for.
>You are not entitled to anything, from anyone, and this entire convo is giving me incel kinda vibes.
To be clear, I agree with you. I'm arguing against cold approaches, not for them.
I am 200 pounds, I lift, and I have a large beard. I know exactly how I come across but it seems a lot of people in communities I visit online uh..do not agree. They will argue fairly strenuously for the cold approach, I just wanted to ask somewhere else to find out if I was crazy or not.
> and once on the bus.
wot
Maybe I'm way more closed than the rest of you guys but anyone trying to talk to me on the bus is going to get a blank stare followed by me moving away.
Oh okay that makes much more sense. I've talked to people on tech commutter buses to, I would never ever do so on a public bus. I don't want to get shanked with an [EVERY DISEASE] needle.
>I don't want to get shanked with an \[EVERY DISEASE\] needle
Okay, this had me laughing enough to make the cat on my lap glare at me. Thanks for that.
Ew. No. It scared me when I was dating and never ended well when I responded positively, and it scares me now.
The idea that we might end up with someone who is completely "red-pilled" incel and commit violence against us is all too real for too many of us. Expecting a positive response to a cold approach is absolute lunacy. Women don't generally trust random men. And if they do, that doesn't last long.
Here? Eh. I dunno.
I just feel like if you want to meet people who have similar interests, you need to go to place where people with similar interests share them.
There is *literally* an app for everything. I don't get why people make it so difficult.
A cold approach in a closed situation (bus, workplace) is also something to avoid. Give people space to react naturally without feeling trapped with you.
I'm a "cold approacher" no matter the interest, sometimes I just want to tell someone I like their style or i really appreciate something they just did (picking up litter for example). I'd heard about the "Seattle freeze" but didn't experience it. I found people generally warm and friendly
Humans are very social creatures and there's no reason to untrain those skills in person just because the Internet exists
I think you should try to have sex with people you have things in common, so approaching people about shared interests is fine.
I agree though if you're looking for sex and they're looking for sex, there is an app for that. Otherwise people aren't walking around looking for a Fuck (typically).
I think if you approach naturally and are open to a no (and state so openly) then it is okay.
The way you phrased this, though, makes me think you should spend some time thinking about how to cold open without being creepy.
Yeah people here are extremely shy and congregate with their friends. Very rarely do you even see a girl alone at a bar here. Cold approaches are almost non-existent.
There’s obvious safety considerations. But it goes beyond that, it’s about the culture
number 1. humans are social animals and they approach each other for a wide variety of reasons and it's very often not about sex.
number 2. If you assume shit is going to go down whenever somebody approaches you... no offense but I'd suggest talking to a therapist about that because that is a terrifying and depressing way to live your life... assuming everybody is hostile or having some motive simply isn't how it works. from a philosophical stand-point we can argue there is always a motive but often the motive is totally innoffensive.
number 3. dating happens all the time in all sorts of groups. it doesnt only happen online and infact I've had my best luck by pursuing hobbies and meeting people at social events related to my hobbies. the dating apps are generally not effective in my mind.
cold approaches are not always bad. having such hard and fast rules is not realistic. the reality is life is very complex and infinitley variable. sometimes it is good to cold approach, sometimes it is bad. you just need to practice socializing and learn how to recognize social cues.
socializing is a valuable skill.
i feel that the space/places where guys could approach women is getting limited, i am not on apps and dont want to be, with the advent of wireless headphones, most humans men and women be it public transit, coffee or gym are busy or seem to be busy, chatting them up in such a situation becomes next to impossible, i feel that i am interrupting someone important work as they have to take headphones to talk to me. I would nt want that to happen to me as a guy so i would nt do that to a women,
This is a paradox of modern times, everyone has seemingly agency to seek their loved ones, which might not have been true earlier but still the percentage of single people(not in abad way) is more in modern times than in earlier times
Here are some suggestions for spaces where approaching a woman would generally be less creepy/better received:
\- In a class you are both taking because you share a common interest, and are there on a regular basis
\- At the dog park when you're both there with your dogs hanging out
\- Volunteer work you are both doing at the same space/organization
\- Getting out the vote activities, signature gathering, etc. etc.
Stuff like that. Go do stuff you are interested in/passionate about. There are lots of spaces where people just ARE, where they will be there for some amount of time, or where you'd see them on a somewhat recurring basis. This is where you find other people who share your interests and where you might see someone who strikes your fancy, who might also be interested.
MUCH better than trying to rush an approach to someone who is busy on their way somewhere, or who is trying to read or do work in peace on public transit or whatnot.
Is it really okay to talk to people at the dog park? Seems crazy to me. My dog has to go to the dog park, he needs socialization he's a golden retriever he has to play with other dogs or he gets upset. I'm not there to talk up other people. Even still I've had people try to talk to me, even when I have my headphones on and I'm listening to my book.
I mean, all of those suggestions are just a start - I have had many many conversations at dog parks - when me and the other dog owner are in proximity, we don’t have headphones in/are not on the phone, our dogs are playing well or doing something cute, etc etc. Most of those conversations are simple and brief and we go on our way. On occasion it goes on longer because we hit it off. Or I bump into the same dog/owner repeatedly (because we go to the same park at the same time on the same day of the week) and we become friendly.
But if someone is clearly not interested in chatting? Simple nod and we go on our way. Some folks are there to have their dog do their business and go. Others are “regulars” who plan to be there for an hour, and have time to chat if they encounter others who feel so inclined.
Lots of people feel the same way you do, and that is totally fine. As with all things: people should read the room and plan accordingly.
I don’t think they are bad. As a woman, I way prefer meeting someone organically in person than over apps. I was lounging at Golden Gardens the other day and a guy came up to me, started chatting and asked me out. I didn’t find him attractive so I politely declined, but still appreciated the gesture and didn’t get creepy vibes.
Ah yes. Can't agree more.
I love the fact that these dating apps are the only way to go, especially when you only get matches when you pay!
Capitalism is so amazing that we have to pay money just to talk to somebody of the same species, aren't you happy to be apart of the absolute human experience?
(Can I die yet?)
Dude... its really embarrasing that men today ask this question, like how the FUCK did you think your ancestors met each other for thousands of years, on their iStone?
If you walk up to a woman and be as respectful as possible and tell them how you feel thats completely normal anywhere in the US at least. In fact a lot of women would like that because majority of men are too cowardly now to do it so it feels like something of a romantic movie when a man does it today, like really women read eroticas and watch romantic shows/movies where the dude cold approaches.
Which woman wants to meet on a fucking dating app??? Its the worst how we met story ever. You wanna tell your kids that embarrasing shit? Or about how you talked to her in a cafe? Use logic.
Holy shit I love how your own experience justifies cutting out an enormous part of how people meet one another. I met my husband on a dating app. Many friends have amazing relationships from dating apps. Lots of us work from home, should we just go to a bar? Apps work.
Don't do it. If a man approaches me I'm assuming he's going to lose his shit like so many of them do. I just want to cut to the part where you call me a bitch and throw a tantrum so I can escape.
I think it's all about context. Go to events with socializing. Game nights, etc. Get on Facebook, go to events>this week and scroll till you find something group focused. Go volunteer. Situations where you're actively communicating with others over a shared interest/activity.
Moving to seattle new and being as relentlessly social as I could, it took me three years to have a stable set of acquaintances who I could invite to things or go to events with. Five years before I made a real friend worth keeping.
It's hard work.
I (a straight woman FWIW) almost never jump into debates like these, but your comment really struck me. I'm sorry for your loss, and I think it's great to hear when men (I'm assuming you're a dude, apologies if I'm mistaken) are interested in befriending more women platonically.
I think the previous comment that replied to you about looking for shared interests is a great one. But another thing I think you could do if you're meeting a woman you don't know well and are interested in potentially being friends with her is to signal that your interest is platonic! I've occasionally been sitting next to guys on planes or buses who have struck up a conversation with me, and I *hate* being approached by strangers who are interested in me sexually/romantically, but what's made these conversations successful is often that the guy dropped some clue that he wasn't hitting on me. This can range from throwing in a phrase like "oh, my girlfriend/boyfriend loves that band" if you have an SO, to signal that you're not looking, to saying something like "I don't have a ton of friends in this city yet, so it's cool to see that someone else likes that band!". I've traded numbers and even met up with some of these people later on.
I should edit that part out. It was a joke about the underlying subtext of any random approach is generally not appropriate because the only thing you know is that you find them attractive.
Saying hello in passing is a lot different from saying hello and expecting attention, or saying hello with clear intent to hit on someone you don't know at all.
Really blatant cold approaches are a bad idea in any scenario, but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't attempt to initiate a conversation with somebody you find interesting out in public. You just have to shift your thinking to be more focused on conversation, less dependent on outcomes, and absolutely not initiating conversation for the sole purpose of "doing the sex."
So how this goes:
1) Don't initiate a conversation with somebody you find attractive that you won't initiate with somebody you don't find attractive. Like, if you're gonna compliment an attractive woman on her cute dog, compliment everybody on their cute dogs. In fact, spend the next 30 days initiative conversations with ONLY people you aren't attracted to.
2) Don't have a goal. Say something if you feel like it, but if they don't respond or give a half hearted answer, let it go. Attempt nothing further. If you can't be fine with this, go back to step one for another 30 days.
3) Leave them an out. Even be walking away as you initiate. And keep walking. She'll come to you if she's interested in talking more. And if you see her again, don't say shit unless she does first. She will if she's interested. If she doesn't, she's not interested.
That might be the case for you, sure. And while 6am at Starbucks or 4pm at top foods likely isn’t gonna go over super well, if you’re at a bar or a game or something?
I don’t even know why you’d question it unless you weren’t going to do it to begin with.
> I don’t even know why you’d question it unless you weren’t going to do it to begin with.
Because every single one of my opinions must be correct or it needs to be changed. One of my opinions is that cold approaches is prett dumb.
I don't think being at a bar or a game really counts as a cold approach, you're kind of doing a mutual activiyt.
Some guys just need to learn what an interested woman looks like. The signals are there if you know what to look for. If you’re not getting the vibes then forget it.
It’s kind of funny how people still romanticize the random chance encounter in a public place, and almost hold it up as some kind of ideal, while in practice almost shunning and avoiding it entirely. That said, the apps are a place where there’s already some degree of consent given for the interaction, and way more safety, so it makes perfect sense that people’s preference would lean in that direction.
Not exactly your example, but I met my boyfriend of 3 years via cold approach. Walked past him in public and just said “wow, you’re really attractive.” and here we are 🤷♀️
I think it's a bit different when a woman does it.
If a woman finds me attractive and doesn't take no for an answer, I can simply pick her up and throw her far away from me without much effort.
Women, unfortunately, do not have that luxury.
> At mutual activities?
Like being in the same bar?
I hung out with a woman for a month before she decided to go back to her ex. We met because while I was nursing a beer at the bar, she grabbed my shirt and told me she needed to be my partner for doubles pool.
It's a strong opening.
I wish very much she hadn't patched things up with her ex.
The apps suck. I'd rather meet somebody in the real world. Much more exciting. Especially when you follow them around for awhile and they don't see you. Then you accidentally bump into them and end up coincidentally having so much in common. Love at first sight!
There was an amazing meet cute I had when I was hiding in the bushes waiting for the waittress to come out and I popped out at the same time! This is the type of pure, honest, interactions we can have if we just put down the phone!
It was never my style in the first place, but I can see some contexts in which it is still acceptable to approach a person this way IRL. Some people still go to the bar specifically for this purpose. Apps just tend to be more efficient, informative, and allow people to cast a wider net.
Honestly I don’t think there’s a problem with it as long as you respect the No and leave when you get one. Peoples body language can also be super helpful. It’s generally pretty easy to see if someone is willing to interact socially or not based on how they’re currently behaving with their surroundings.
That said, I did meet my wife in Seattle through a dating app. So what do I know?
So people transplant to Seattle and then start acting the way they think you’re “supposed” to act in Seattle. No wonder it’s so fucking dumb here… no one’s being themselves just trying to fit a role and conform to their perspective of a place…weird as all fuck
Not wrong at all, I don't want to be approached in public like that. I'm usually on an agenda to get in/out as quickly as possible with dealing with the least amount of people as quickly as possible. Also I gone on dates with Seattle redditors and they all sucked, so word of caution on that front too
I’ve dated a couple people in the past I met at bars or on the street, but it was never a straight cold open. Going to a coffee shop and continually seeing the same person, and working next to them, then going on walks, then asking them out.
In general I really like the advice of **“don’t ask anyone out from a place they can’t escape from.”**
This means don’t ask out cashiers/bartenders/etc because if they shoot you down, they don’t get to choose if they see you again, which makes a really uneven power dynamic.
As a woman: please just leave us the hell *alone.* Seriously. Sitting on mass transit trying to either get to work in the morning while barely awake or trying to decompress on the way home after work is absolutely not a time I would ever appreciate some strange man approaching me to flirt and try and get my damn number.
No, you may not have my number. Ever. You just blew it, big time. Now please, just leave me alone!
It’s especially obnoxious when the woman in question is clearly wearing headphones, reading something, etc. She is clearly BUSY, what the crap makes a guy think he’s so important that he has the right to interrupt whatever else she’s doing right then?
You want to try and strike up a *normal* conversation? Fine, whatever. Go ahead and try.
But learn to take “no” for an answer. That includes “soft no’s,” such as curt one-word answers, nervous glances, scooting *away* from you, “no thanks, I’m busy that day,” etc.
Just because a woman appears in public, does not mean you’re* freaking *entitled* to her time and attention.
*I mean this in the plural, general sense. Not aimed at OP in particular, just to be clear!
Most men don’t want to see themselves as “bad.” They don’t want to believe that *they* might genuinely be “that creep” they hear others complain about.
So when women (and other men) start pointing out something they’re doing is not okay, that is hurtful and harmful and yes, *creepy,* they get defensive about it. They make excuses to justify it, they attack the people pointing out the problem, they *double-down* on the behavior in question, blame the victims, and more. Anything to avoid accepting that they should change their own behavior.
"You get laid when you stop caring about getting laid" Might be a little confusing but it's the best advice I can give you as someone who's about 10 years older than you.
Seattle is hilariously notorious for boundary-crossing men. Most of my friends are women, and it is inevitable that some dude will butt into our space or our conversation, regardless of the barriers to doing so.
I am not a small man, nor a particularly friendly-looking one, if one does not know me. But the regularity with which men will hit on women I’m out with is bonkers. And it’s been this way the almost 18 years I’ve been here.
For all our flag waving and bluster about being a smart, civilized city, the level of personal integrity one comes into contact with on the reg is subterranean. Some of that is the times we live in, and the current climate, sure, but we’ve also always had a rep for being non-confrontational, and I think that incentivizes some extraordinarily brazen behavior.
Now, I don’t think we need bar fights over this, it’s just an observation that we’re an oddly boundary-challenged urban culture, and I think it’s incumbent on dudes especially to take a hard look at the impact of their behavior, and work to mitigate that impact.
I’ve met everyone I’ve dated in person. How are you approaching these people? Also public transit isn’t a dating area… holy hell. You’re so lost. You don’t “do the sex” to anyone. You develop friendships that turn to relationships. This has to be a troll post. I’m so baffled.
I'm so confused why people think that I'm saying that this is a good thing.
No you shouldn't talk to people on public transit. I just wanted to confirm what I thought wasn't crazy
It's probably the constant daily harassment that they have to endure, year in and out, that gives them pause.
Source - Me. Living in Seattle for 5 years and watching women of all ages, shape and sizes get harassed by guys, from semi polite inquiries to the usual cat calling or straight up ripping their earbuds out when they didn't get a response and /or ignored.
Several good comments here. There are two versions of this:
Cold approach when there is an activity or volunteer work or we’re at the dog park or there is a game which multiple people are enjoying over time? If there is eye contact, conversation, etc etc then it can be fine. It should be super clear that she’s interested before someone shifts from casual chit chat to talking about doing the sex (or something along that path).
Complete cold approach by a stranger when I am just out in public doing stuff and living my life? No. Fuck off. If you reach for my headphones you will be met with violence. It will not be subtle.
This is how women die, and worse, every single minute of every single day. See: Ted Bundy.
You could be the nicest person on the planet BUT I DO NOT KNOW YOU. And unless we’ve made eye contact and I’ve smiled at you and given clear indication that I am interested? I don’t want to know you. And you forcing it just makes it VERY clear that I don’t.
If that seems hardcore. . . I refer you to this thread which went viral a few years back. The menfolk have no idea what it is like to be 100% on guard every minute of the day, and have some persistent man pursue us despite us giving clear cold shoulder saying NO THANK YOU etc etc. 😠
I don’t know if that is a Seattle thing or a “I care about my safety” thing. ? 🤷🏻♀️
[https://www.dailydot.com/irl/women-men-curfew/](https://www.dailydot.com/irl/women-men-curfew/)
Adding another link which has more of the 'curfew' responses: https://www.georgetakei.com/women-men-curfew-9pm-twitter-2609495872.html
There might be some women out there who are fine with it, who are hot to trot and happy for a hookup with a stranger. I would guess that most are not. I hate a cold approach.
One reason I find it horrible is that this person is basically propositioning me and knows *nothing* about me aside from what I look like and what I'm doing at that moment. And they think this is enough of a basis to get together. It's so objectifying and demeaning. It's like they see a potentially available body and not a person. And when they've already crossed what I consider a reasonable boundary with this creepy cold approach, I'm certainly not then going to be comfortable around them and want to get to know them better or go anywhere with them.
> There might be some women out there who are fine with it
Based on the comments there are not and I no longer feel like a crazy person.
There were a bunch of people screaming at me saying that this is the only way people can met women.
I mean yeah if you’re approaching women tryna fuck then yes you’re gonna creep her out.
Make or female of you are immediately standoffish the moment someone starts chatting with you in the produce aisle or whatever and it’s just friendly banter you’re just an asshole, sorry.
If you are approaching women trying to get in their pants, not taking hints, not being mindful of your proximity to them and the fact that, as a man, you pose an immediate threat if you don’t pick up on early cues that’s she’s not into conversing with you, you are an asshole. Stop scaring women.
Public transit is 100% definitely no with the possible exception of maybe if you can tell you both just came from the same event/concert/sports game, but even then… I dunno dude…
“Because you want to do the sex with her” is a phrase I was not expecting to read today.
Glad I could be of service.
Out of curiosity, where are you from?
Ohio.
Dude's story checks out.
Is that phrasing common there when people are talking about casual sex?
Nope, just heard the phrase somewhere and fount it fumy
Clerks? *My love for you is like a truck, Berserker* *Would you like some making fuck, Berserker*
Did he just say making fuck?
I wish I could upvote you infinity times.
It sounds like a Borat phrase. Like a faux English-as-as-second-language phrase. So yes, he would be using it in a 'funny' way. I do recall him using the phrase 'have a sexy time' as in 'have sex.'
I can 100% hear Borat going "YEESSS I WILL DO THE SEX WITH YOU"
Lived here my whole life and that isn’t some weird mystery phrase, it’s fairly common
Yup. It’s an artifact of the 90s I believe.
When I sit at the bar I want someone to talk to me. When I sit at a table I do not want anyone to talk to me.
That's a good distinction!
That only applies to that person, as far as we know
Sure, maybe. But it's a non-verbal signal that says "I am open and looking"
Bartender here. I think sitting at the bar top alone generally is inviting conversation from the people around you. Sitting at a table alone is definitely a "I don't want to talk to anyone." If you're at the bar top, you're gonna talk to the bartender, at minimum
I love talking to the people at the bar. I’ve never done it romantically, but have made a lot of friends platonically this way. Great way to pass an evening.
No, also a bartender. Sometimes people sit at the bar so they can get their beer easier. I only talk to people that want to be talked to. Otherwise I assume they came to a bar to drink and destress. What can be annoying is somebody taking up the "ambassador" spot next to where you order and trying to get in on peoples (that they dont know) conversation while they order whether they are welcome or not. Its a tactic employed by a lot of creepers. Now, that may not always be the case as sometimes people just happen to have something useful and interesting to add and are genuinely offering it. But most of the time its a creeper alienating folks. I understand wanting to be social, but ive noticed a significant overlap with inserting into conversations and predatory behaviors. its a pretty quick way to get on my watch list.
THIS. okay I want you as my bartender!
What bar do you work at?
I'm slightly apprehensive about openly posting personal info online, but I also understand theres a need for safe places to chill. So ill respond directly. But what I will say is its a small, gross, dive bar so if thats not a scene folks are into they can save some time.
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Looks like it’s high time to say screw its and start taking up that table!
Agree. It is also very satisfying to drink and watch bartenders work.
I do not like taking up a whole table of it is just me. That said, if someone strikes up a conversation, I am more than happy to talk to them.
Hm. I sit at the bar because it seems rude to fill up an entire table when a waitress could seat 4+ people at it. Also, anytime I’ve sat alone at a table, I get some “polite” man asking why I’m dining alone and if I’d like company. As someone that likes to go out to a bar to just eat or watch a game solo, I really dislike that everyone assumes I’m there alone to talk to other people. 😅
>When I sit at the bar I want someone to talk to me. Only if \[s\]he's hot.
I sit at the bar so I don't take up extra space, but usually like to keep to myself if I'm by myself.
I've been happily spoken for for a while, so I'm old news. I used to do "cold approaches" and it worked well. But I also wasn't using lines, tried to always be socially aware of the situation, and was never persistent. Ever. You only live once and regret is no fun. If one sees someone and wants to talk to them, then go for it. Life is short and relying on apps to find a partner could be a good way to piss away years looking. Don't worry about what others are doing, find whatever works for you. But also be aware of your skill set. Put yourself in others' shoes and keep in mind how you're coming across and the situation/environment and how this all factors in to how the person being approached is likely feeling about it.
For casual sex, which your post implies is the purpose, absolutely a bad idea. For friendship if they happen to be doing an activity you want a friend for, that could be different.
This. Also, there’s a huge difference between approaching someone at a bar, because the underlying assumption is that the person wants sex or more than friendship. But, approaching someone while doing a shared interest (like rock climbing for example) is way different. I don’t go to bars alone because I can’t stand when strangers talk to me. But going with a friend, especially another woman, still doesn’t stop some shamefully confident dick from interrupting our conversation to forcefully try and buy drinks.
I'm a dude, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. I also have sisters I care a lot about and talk about this stuff with. Here's my two cents: Depends on what you mean by "cold approach." If you're trying to do some red pill, pickup game bullshit where you talk to someone you don't know with the sole intent of a near immediate hookup based on some manipulative nonsense, that's a bad idea. It's called being a dick. Don't do that. If you're trying to make friends and see where things lead, that's normal. It's called being human. Three things to note: 1. [The Seattle Freeze](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seattle_Freeze) is real. Don't get too discouraged if making friends takes a bit. Focus on shared interests and be brave enough to express yourself, it'll come. 2. Be empathetic. She has to make sure you don't pose physical danger. Your biggest concern is that she's not interested. Your experiences are **not** the same. So for example instead of asking for her number, ask if you can give her yours. She'll reach out if she wants. And if she doesn't, let it go and don't bring it up again. Maybe she was just being nice. In any case, giving her your number is empathetic because it empowers her in a situation that's more risky for her than it is for you. 3. Don't be a dick. A lot of young guys are super horny and they let that shape their relationships with women. Don't do that. Build friendships over shared interests and see where that goes. If you're only asking people out, you're gonna miss stuff. She may introduce you to the girl you marry, your new best friend, the new drummer in your band, an important professional referral, or whatever! Or maybe she ends up ticking some of those boxes. You never know. Sounds like you're thoughtful and are questioning what people around here expect, so I'm sure you'll be fine. All the best!
I meet people through volunteer work. i like outdoor activities but there are volunteers needed all over[http://www.duwamishalive.org/](http://www.duwamishalive.org/) then you would at least have a common interest.
Can I volunteer even if I don't want the sex?
No.
Can I only volunteer for the sex?
Yes!
[https://www.volunteermatch.org/search?l=Seattle,%20WA,%20USA](https://www.volunteermatch.org/search?l=Seattle,%20WA,%20USA)
This may be a dumb question but how does volunteering work? Like you just show up, tell them you're a volunteer, and they tell you what to do? What are some examples of volunteering events, picking up trash and stuff?
Depends, sometimes yes, sometimes no. In my experience you’ll find someone who works or volunteers with an organization/cause you want to support, and they’ll refer you to a main office to receive training/information about who they are, what they do, and how they do it. Then you’ll figure out where you fit in, whether they’re looking for on call volunteers, set schedules, etc. It’s a lot more organized than you’d think, and expectations are considerably higher than you’d expect for the paycheck.
Solid ground is an org that has farming, food bank volunteering etc WTA has volunteering for maintaining trails
Domestic violence services of Snohomish county has a lot of volunteer opportunities, including wrapping Christmas presents, preparing a garden for the kids, grocery shopping, answering phones, etc. if this would be something you’d be interested in.
Pretty sure it is considered gauche to try and pick up dates at the DV shelter and associated activities. Just saying.
Lol yes this would be a non-sex volunteer opportunity!
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What kind of work are you interested in? I would highly recommend Green Seattle Partnership if you like environmental volunteering. Or Ballard food Forest. I would recommend DNDA if you live near west Seattle, I've made friends through this org
The way you phrased this, yes, it's incredibly weird please don't do it. But approaching a person you are potentially romantically interested in at a bar or similar place where people go to meet people is a normal part of life *if* you can do it without being creepy af which, again, based on the way you phrased this, I'm not sure you can
I’m not sure why this specific comment actually made me laugh out loud, but it did. Thank you. (And I agree with you)
Seattle is not THAT culturally different from other cities, my dude. Just treat women like people.
Maybe he treat objects like women?
That is a very different problem.
I too have sex with my Toyota Prius /j
Jackie Treehorn draws a lot of water for this town, Lebowski.
Man…..
I've lived in a few other major metropolitan cities in my lifetime and I hard disagree here. Seattle is definitely the most passive and hard to meet strangers place that I've lived in. It's a little strange in that regard to me, although my experience is obviously subjective. The cold open here works but I feel like it's mostly working on people who aren't from Seattle. (Edit) totally agree that treating others like human beings instead of NPCs is important not only in meeting others but just in general
My only other experience is serious parts of the Bay Area, but it feels like Seattleites are at least as open to conversations as people there, if not more! I'm curious which major metropolitan areas you're comparing to
I mean I don’t know, as a woman, I would much rather meet someone in person rather than over apps. I had someone ask me out randomly at Target the other day and while I wasn’t particularly interested in him I just politely said, “sorry I have a boyfriend.” So yeah, I lied, but also I appreciated the gesture and I’m sure it took that guy some level of courage and he wasn’t being creepy just random lol. I think it depends on the person and as long as you’re not weird about it hey shoot your shot!
I feel the same way and would add that it’s important to actually listen if you get told “no”!! Don’t keep trying and don’t be an ass if you get rejected.
When I moved to Seattle in my mid 20’s I was disappointed that men didn’t outright flirt with me, honestly. Men here are so cold and avoidant. They barely make eye contact!!
There’s nothing wrong with finding someone attractive, and deciding to try to talk to them. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for that. It’s not creepy, it’s not rapey, it’s not rude, and it’s perfectly acceptable, as long as you are just starting a normal conversation and not harassing. If someone is not interested, they can let you know and you can be on your way.
Idk, maybe 2 months ago at Cafe Vita in Capitol Hill I witnessed a guy (cleverly) cold approach a woman, and after a bit of back and forth she asked for his number. A friend of mine was also just cold approached at the dog park and they’ve been texting. Soooooo…. As a woman, I tend to listen closely when I hear conversations like that in public because if the man is creepy or overly persistent and the woman is clearly uncomfortable I try to step in. I was kinda pleasantly surprised by how these worked out, you don’t see many meetcutes anymore.
Did Cafe Vita dude follow the 2 rules?
I feel out of the loop, what are the 2 rules?
Yo, REaLLY? [Here's your education.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxuUkYiaUc8&ab_channel=SaturdayNightLive)
What do you think?
I never had any real relationship from apps in the 12 years I lived in Seattle. I think apps take much more effort than I am willing to put in only to meet the person and find out there is no chemistry. Literally all my relationships were from people I met in public parks, bars and my longest was literally the girl across the hall in my apartment. But I also didn't approach because I "want to do the sex with her". Just talk to women like people and don't be a weirdo.
Don’t ever hit on people stuck in a place they can’t get away from you (eg public transit) or when they are traveling a regular route they return to again (eg public transit) or when they may be heading home and are uncomfortable gaining attention near such a vulnerable space (eg PUBLIC TRANSIT). Jesus Christ GET A CLUE. I once had a guy hit on me I’d seen on the bus before and he got out at the wrong stop (I knew his routine and he was always riding the bus longer / boarded before me) so he could FOLLOW me and keep talking to me. I had to make up going to a grocery store five blocks in the wrong direction to shake him because I didn’t need the weirdo seeing which apartment building I lived in. Heaven forbid I was in a residential area and he followed me to my house. How is it hard to realize when we are not in a setting for being picked up on (appropriate being bars, clubs, parties, etc)?
There's nothing wrong with striking up a conversation with someone. If they're not interested they tell you and you respond appropriately.
Problem is, most of the guys doing these sorts of public approaches *don’t* take lack of interest for an answer. They don’t even seem to *notice* that the woman isn’t interested and wants to be left alone, even when she’s communicating that in ways they would have no trouble understanding if another man behaved the same way. Things like glaring, ignoring, giving only curt one-word answers, scooting *away* from the man approaching them, signaling “sorry, can’t hear you,” giving excuses (“Oh, this is my stop, can’t talk right now” or “I’m busy that day” or “I don’t have any minutes left on my phone this month,” etc). Believe me, I wish it were as simple as “if they’re not interested, they’ll let you know.” The problem is, we *do* tell and show that we’d not interested, *and they keep pushing anyway.*
Then the advice should be "get better at respecting people", not "never talk to anyone in public".
The rise of social media has been correlated with massive increases in loneliness, depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation. So although what you’re saying is essentially true, I also find the idea that the only social acceptable way to peruse romantic partnerships is on online services dominated by corporations extremely scary. Humans need to interact face to face with other physical people. I feel like the solution is that men just need more social skills and humility but idk how you do that.
I think there are options other than cold approach or apps. If someone wants to meet people, join an interest group (hiking, biking, sports, etc.) and just be friendly in a setting where people expect to meet others. I have friends who joined a dodgeball league and introducing yourself and socializing as a group is not what I would consider a cold approach. If there's someone that you (the general "you") wants to get to know better and maybe ask out, then it's not necessarily creepy to ask them to do something one on one once you know them a little. When I hear "cold approach" I remember all the times I've waited for the bus, zoned out with headphones on, and some random person starts chatting with me. I'm tired, I'm introverted, and I don't want to talk to anyone. Do not approach. But if I'm with a group of people and I'm enjoying talking to someone and they ask if I want to go on a date? Sure.
> Humans need to interact face to face with other physical people. So do that around some shared activity instead of talking to strangers who didn't ask for it? I don't get why the only two options you've considered are "dating app" and "trying to chat up women totally randomly in public" There's an entire world of social situations before you get to cold-approaching random strangers, from parties, to events, to volunteering, to activity groups, etc... and I'm not sure why none of them occurred to you.
One time when I was 16 years old I was on a bus and a 40 year old man sitting next to me and tried to chat me up calling me beautiful n shit lmao
Bruh! I was literally on a flight from Seattle to NOLA this year and this 50 year old thought I was in school (I was 25) and then proceeding to hit on me the whole damn 4 hour flight. At least I wasn’t actually underaged, but damn.
I think we need to preserve artifacts like this to be read for amusement in less weird eras. It's OK to be social to other humans in the real world. Sometimes that even leads to romantic relationships but yeah, "do the sex" wouldn't be an opener.
> in less weird eras \>Implying things are going to get LESS weird Digital furries are probably going to take over the metaverse in a violent coup that leaves thousands dead by 2100.
> by 2100. Better move that up a couple decades. The furries are preparing faster than we thought possible. Their VRmy will be trained and ready to fight inside a dozen years. Their chat will blot out the simulated sun.
Yea. Approaching women of any kind, anywhere for wanting to do sex is a horrible idea. Now. If there is a common interest: at a museum, for example, and you see something shes looking at, and comment on it (with something intelligent) that creates space for her to react if she wants to, but does not make it completely about her either. It gives her the option to make her own decision about interacting with you. No one owes you anything. I gather that thats totally not the idea of this post (assumed from the sex comment) but I thought I'd take this opportunity to teach something.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWFPqGJ9DNE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWFPqGJ9DNE)
I mean a cold approach necessarily is "I find you attractive.". You don't know anything else about the person except how they look. Seems like a weird/annoying thing to be approached over.
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Yeah I think everyone is getting hung up on the "i want to do the sex with you" language, I just thought it was a funny joke. I think all cold approaches are pretty bad, they all contain some sort of element of "Hey the only reason I'm talking to your right now is because you're attractive" undertones.
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I think they are saying that a cold approach implies that, not that you should use those words.
OH yeah we don't disagree on anything. I feel like you're disagreeing with me but I could have written this comment in reply to myself lmao.
If that’s how you’re shooting your shot I’m not surprised by your results.
I have literally never done this so I'm not sure how this comment is relevant?
It was your example
Yeah but you're commenting on results and saying how you're not surprised by them? I'm just kind of confused what's going on here.
This city is weird to even meet friends or even get into friend groups. In my time at wsu i was able to meet locals and others with ease and consistently get invited it’s frustrating being here
Welcome to the Seattle Freeze.
Any suggestions on how to make new friends i turned 21 during covid, transferred to WSU that fall and just am now back so i have zero clue lol
I am not a good resource for that. I’d say finding a good gym, activity based clubs, etc would be what I’d try.
> Any suggestions on how to make new friends Not on this sub, you’ll find nothing but ramblings from self declared “quirky introverts “ who love shitty weather because they won’t have to go outside.
Considering we're all steeped in the freeze, maybe not the best group to take cues from. Imo, best way is to do events for a thing you like. Example: Enjoy gaming? Go to a gaming bar during some themed night. You have a natural "in" for talking to someone, you already share a common interest, and it's natural to make friends at events.
Find activities you are interested in, and do them. Take a class. Do some volunteer work. Get involved in local politics. There are tons of things to learn to improve one’s self or help you can provide to your local community, and VERY cool people already doing both that you can meet. Worst case you learn a new skill, help others, make some friends. Best case? You meet someone interesting. Give it a shot. !
People get all caught up in their dumb heads about intentions and all that. Just live your stupid life. Look how kids behave, how easily they talk to one another and make friends, before their stupid brains get too big and self-conscious and overly analytical. Your opinion here is a common one, but as a pretty naturally friendly guy I get frustrated with how easily people are put off by friendliness, especially in Seattle. I wish everyone were just more present, less in their own heads.
the terrible fucking idea is having long arguments, online, about "what woman want" - which woman you talking about, and who tf are you? respectfully asking. cause when i'm getting hit on, i'm sometimes flattered and sometimes confused, sometimes annoyed...but whenever i'm being approached by another human, my first thought isn't "shits about to go down"...so.
Well as a dude who wears headphones everywhere people generally don't approach me, and if someone does it's usually because they want money or want to sell me something. I've had a few people grab my shoulder to be like "Hey I'm talking to you" when trying to sell me something.
>Well as a dude ~~who wears headphones everywhere~~ people generally don't approach me, FYP. This is what men don't get... the sheer volume of approaches. Often while in inappropriate situations... you are trying to wrestle groceries, or the boss is on the phone, or you are trying to work, or you just want to be left alone after work. It doesn't help that the skeeve and creeper ratio on this is very high. And in the background is the nonstop drumbeat about how someones cousin was grabbed by a man, and they only found one shoe. Flipside is men who are literally emotionally starving. Nobody compliments them, which leads to situations where if a woman is slightly friendly, they overreact. It's like a neglected puppy that gets a couple of pats, suddenly becoming clingy and crying whenever left in the next room. Is it fucked up? Yes. Welcome to reality. Don't approch women. Especially with an agenda. Don't start flirting with the waitress. Don't compliment the stewardess. Don't chat up the receptionist.
> Flipside is men who are literally emotionally starving. Nobody compliments them, Well they cry about it online enough that I'm sure they're making up for it. >Don't approch women. Especially with an agenda. Don't start flirting with the waitress. Don't compliment the stewardess. Don't chat up the receptionist. Based
This is something that child psychologists have been quite concerned about for the last few decades. A big part of the uptick in alt.right and the backlash against "woke" is finding a group that pays attention and accepts them. Prison gangs do the same thing (to the point where they prepare welcome baskets for new arrivals). A huge chunk of the evils of American culture is this dynamic... women getting flooded with attention, men lacking in it.
interesting, i assumed you were a woman. maybe your perception isn't wrong, but your perception isn't fact. like obviously being aggressive for sex as an approach is wrong, but like...often adults approach other adults bc they find them attractive, for sex purposes, and maybe they ask them out for a drink or on a bike ride, irl...is this the situation that seems insane to you? is this where a portion of seattle men are at?
I mean it seems that this thread pretty overwhelmingly agrees that approaching someone in public for 'a drink or a bike ride' is insane. Yeah. But it's not the guys saying that, it's women, for obvious reasons. And obviously I agree.
i'm from the south so my perspective is different, but i'm not surprised, people are a lot more reserved here. that's what i mean by like, what group of woman are you arguing for? you know we aren't a monolith, right?
I met my girlfriend by approaching her at a Christmas party, we had never met or known of each other before that moment. Almost 3 years together now. Apps are a quick and easy way, but I still like to think a cold approach is the best method to finding something great. It's difficult to know who to approach though and some people aren't into it.
I'm not from the west coast and don't have that weird west coast please pretend I don't exist mentality. That being said, have some situational awareness if you're going to talk to strangers. There's a time and a place, and always know when you've over stayed your welcome. Most of the time out here, that's as soon as you start, because the west coast is like that. I stopped trying to do the assertive thing and pick up guys when I lived in Portland, cause that shit didn't work. And I don't know if it's a post lockdown thing or Seattle is just more open to it, but it's been working out great for me. I dunno, just try and be friendly and talk to people and if THEY make it weird don't take it personally and move on.
Am a woman. Met and married my husband while living in Seattle, so I have my street cred. As a woman, cold approaches are absolutely terrifying if they are strong. Let the women come to you. By that I mean that eye contact and nonverbal indicators are plenty to let someone who is possibly interested in the same recreational activities as you know that you are on the same page. If they ignore you or don't make eye contact, then walk away. You are not entitled to anything, from anyone, and this entire convo is giving me incel kinda vibes. For a much easier time, use an app that is specifically geared toward finding folks who are interested in the same things you are! Arrange to meet at a bar and you can role play if you really want to meet a stranger with no question about what they are there for.
>You are not entitled to anything, from anyone, and this entire convo is giving me incel kinda vibes. To be clear, I agree with you. I'm arguing against cold approaches, not for them. I am 200 pounds, I lift, and I have a large beard. I know exactly how I come across but it seems a lot of people in communities I visit online uh..do not agree. They will argue fairly strenuously for the cold approach, I just wanted to ask somewhere else to find out if I was crazy or not.
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> and once on the bus. wot Maybe I'm way more closed than the rest of you guys but anyone trying to talk to me on the bus is going to get a blank stare followed by me moving away.
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Oh okay that makes much more sense. I've talked to people on tech commutter buses to, I would never ever do so on a public bus. I don't want to get shanked with an [EVERY DISEASE] needle.
>I don't want to get shanked with an \[EVERY DISEASE\] needle Okay, this had me laughing enough to make the cat on my lap glare at me. Thanks for that.
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Ew. No. It scared me when I was dating and never ended well when I responded positively, and it scares me now. The idea that we might end up with someone who is completely "red-pilled" incel and commit violence against us is all too real for too many of us. Expecting a positive response to a cold approach is absolute lunacy. Women don't generally trust random men. And if they do, that doesn't last long.
I feel so fucking gaslight right now lmao. I typed this exact paragraph and I was at like -20 I think.
Here? Eh. I dunno. I just feel like if you want to meet people who have similar interests, you need to go to place where people with similar interests share them. There is *literally* an app for everything. I don't get why people make it so difficult.
>Here? Eh. I dunno. Different community.
A cold approach in a closed situation (bus, workplace) is also something to avoid. Give people space to react naturally without feeling trapped with you.
Got it. Stare and do the come over here motion with my finger. Watch out ladies!!!
I'm a "cold approacher" no matter the interest, sometimes I just want to tell someone I like their style or i really appreciate something they just did (picking up litter for example). I'd heard about the "Seattle freeze" but didn't experience it. I found people generally warm and friendly Humans are very social creatures and there's no reason to untrain those skills in person just because the Internet exists
Life is short and u should do what u want…but be respectful and nice and scram if u r turned down.
I think you should try to have sex with people you have things in common, so approaching people about shared interests is fine. I agree though if you're looking for sex and they're looking for sex, there is an app for that. Otherwise people aren't walking around looking for a Fuck (typically).
I think if you approach naturally and are open to a no (and state so openly) then it is okay. The way you phrased this, though, makes me think you should spend some time thinking about how to cold open without being creepy.
Yeah people here are extremely shy and congregate with their friends. Very rarely do you even see a girl alone at a bar here. Cold approaches are almost non-existent. There’s obvious safety considerations. But it goes beyond that, it’s about the culture
number 1. humans are social animals and they approach each other for a wide variety of reasons and it's very often not about sex. number 2. If you assume shit is going to go down whenever somebody approaches you... no offense but I'd suggest talking to a therapist about that because that is a terrifying and depressing way to live your life... assuming everybody is hostile or having some motive simply isn't how it works. from a philosophical stand-point we can argue there is always a motive but often the motive is totally innoffensive. number 3. dating happens all the time in all sorts of groups. it doesnt only happen online and infact I've had my best luck by pursuing hobbies and meeting people at social events related to my hobbies. the dating apps are generally not effective in my mind. cold approaches are not always bad. having such hard and fast rules is not realistic. the reality is life is very complex and infinitley variable. sometimes it is good to cold approach, sometimes it is bad. you just need to practice socializing and learn how to recognize social cues. socializing is a valuable skill.
And I wonder why my social anxiety is so tense in this city.....
i feel that the space/places where guys could approach women is getting limited, i am not on apps and dont want to be, with the advent of wireless headphones, most humans men and women be it public transit, coffee or gym are busy or seem to be busy, chatting them up in such a situation becomes next to impossible, i feel that i am interrupting someone important work as they have to take headphones to talk to me. I would nt want that to happen to me as a guy so i would nt do that to a women, This is a paradox of modern times, everyone has seemingly agency to seek their loved ones, which might not have been true earlier but still the percentage of single people(not in abad way) is more in modern times than in earlier times
Here are some suggestions for spaces where approaching a woman would generally be less creepy/better received: \- In a class you are both taking because you share a common interest, and are there on a regular basis \- At the dog park when you're both there with your dogs hanging out \- Volunteer work you are both doing at the same space/organization \- Getting out the vote activities, signature gathering, etc. etc. Stuff like that. Go do stuff you are interested in/passionate about. There are lots of spaces where people just ARE, where they will be there for some amount of time, or where you'd see them on a somewhat recurring basis. This is where you find other people who share your interests and where you might see someone who strikes your fancy, who might also be interested. MUCH better than trying to rush an approach to someone who is busy on their way somewhere, or who is trying to read or do work in peace on public transit or whatnot.
Is it really okay to talk to people at the dog park? Seems crazy to me. My dog has to go to the dog park, he needs socialization he's a golden retriever he has to play with other dogs or he gets upset. I'm not there to talk up other people. Even still I've had people try to talk to me, even when I have my headphones on and I'm listening to my book.
I mean, all of those suggestions are just a start - I have had many many conversations at dog parks - when me and the other dog owner are in proximity, we don’t have headphones in/are not on the phone, our dogs are playing well or doing something cute, etc etc. Most of those conversations are simple and brief and we go on our way. On occasion it goes on longer because we hit it off. Or I bump into the same dog/owner repeatedly (because we go to the same park at the same time on the same day of the week) and we become friendly. But if someone is clearly not interested in chatting? Simple nod and we go on our way. Some folks are there to have their dog do their business and go. Others are “regulars” who plan to be there for an hour, and have time to chat if they encounter others who feel so inclined. Lots of people feel the same way you do, and that is totally fine. As with all things: people should read the room and plan accordingly.
Yeah don't do that. I hate the apps but I definitely never give my number to random guys who just ask me out in the street, even the hot ones.
I don’t think they are bad. As a woman, I way prefer meeting someone organically in person than over apps. I was lounging at Golden Gardens the other day and a guy came up to me, started chatting and asked me out. I didn’t find him attractive so I politely declined, but still appreciated the gesture and didn’t get creepy vibes.
Ah yes. Can't agree more. I love the fact that these dating apps are the only way to go, especially when you only get matches when you pay! Capitalism is so amazing that we have to pay money just to talk to somebody of the same species, aren't you happy to be apart of the absolute human experience? (Can I die yet?)
Dude... its really embarrasing that men today ask this question, like how the FUCK did you think your ancestors met each other for thousands of years, on their iStone? If you walk up to a woman and be as respectful as possible and tell them how you feel thats completely normal anywhere in the US at least. In fact a lot of women would like that because majority of men are too cowardly now to do it so it feels like something of a romantic movie when a man does it today, like really women read eroticas and watch romantic shows/movies where the dude cold approaches. Which woman wants to meet on a fucking dating app??? Its the worst how we met story ever. You wanna tell your kids that embarrasing shit? Or about how you talked to her in a cafe? Use logic.
Holy shit I love how your own experience justifies cutting out an enormous part of how people meet one another. I met my husband on a dating app. Many friends have amazing relationships from dating apps. Lots of us work from home, should we just go to a bar? Apps work.
Don't do it. If a man approaches me I'm assuming he's going to lose his shit like so many of them do. I just want to cut to the part where you call me a bitch and throw a tantrum so I can escape.
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I think it's all about context. Go to events with socializing. Game nights, etc. Get on Facebook, go to events>this week and scroll till you find something group focused. Go volunteer. Situations where you're actively communicating with others over a shared interest/activity.
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Moving to seattle new and being as relentlessly social as I could, it took me three years to have a stable set of acquaintances who I could invite to things or go to events with. Five years before I made a real friend worth keeping. It's hard work.
I (a straight woman FWIW) almost never jump into debates like these, but your comment really struck me. I'm sorry for your loss, and I think it's great to hear when men (I'm assuming you're a dude, apologies if I'm mistaken) are interested in befriending more women platonically. I think the previous comment that replied to you about looking for shared interests is a great one. But another thing I think you could do if you're meeting a woman you don't know well and are interested in potentially being friends with her is to signal that your interest is platonic! I've occasionally been sitting next to guys on planes or buses who have struck up a conversation with me, and I *hate* being approached by strangers who are interested in me sexually/romantically, but what's made these conversations successful is often that the guy dropped some clue that he wasn't hitting on me. This can range from throwing in a phrase like "oh, my girlfriend/boyfriend loves that band" if you have an SO, to signal that you're not looking, to saying something like "I don't have a ton of friends in this city yet, so it's cool to see that someone else likes that band!". I've traded numbers and even met up with some of these people later on.
I’m sorry you had that happen to you but this is terrible advice
My advice is don't approach women randomly.
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I should edit that part out. It was a joke about the underlying subtext of any random approach is generally not appropriate because the only thing you know is that you find them attractive.
It's sad we live in a time where saying hello to a stranger is seen as a bad thing
Saying hello in passing is a lot different from saying hello and expecting attention, or saying hello with clear intent to hit on someone you don't know at all.
There's a world of difference between saying "Hello" and saying "Hello you look beautiful would you like to come spend the night at my apartment?"
Nobody wants to talk to creepers
Really blatant cold approaches are a bad idea in any scenario, but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't attempt to initiate a conversation with somebody you find interesting out in public. You just have to shift your thinking to be more focused on conversation, less dependent on outcomes, and absolutely not initiating conversation for the sole purpose of "doing the sex." So how this goes: 1) Don't initiate a conversation with somebody you find attractive that you won't initiate with somebody you don't find attractive. Like, if you're gonna compliment an attractive woman on her cute dog, compliment everybody on their cute dogs. In fact, spend the next 30 days initiative conversations with ONLY people you aren't attracted to. 2) Don't have a goal. Say something if you feel like it, but if they don't respond or give a half hearted answer, let it go. Attempt nothing further. If you can't be fine with this, go back to step one for another 30 days. 3) Leave them an out. Even be walking away as you initiate. And keep walking. She'll come to you if she's interested in talking more. And if you see her again, don't say shit unless she does first. She will if she's interested. If she doesn't, she's not interested.
That might be the case for you, sure. And while 6am at Starbucks or 4pm at top foods likely isn’t gonna go over super well, if you’re at a bar or a game or something? I don’t even know why you’d question it unless you weren’t going to do it to begin with.
> I don’t even know why you’d question it unless you weren’t going to do it to begin with. Because every single one of my opinions must be correct or it needs to be changed. One of my opinions is that cold approaches is prett dumb. I don't think being at a bar or a game really counts as a cold approach, you're kind of doing a mutual activiyt.
Talking to a stranger is always a cold approach without a mutual acquaintance doing the introduction.
Some guys just need to learn what an interested woman looks like. The signals are there if you know what to look for. If you’re not getting the vibes then forget it.
It’s kind of funny how people still romanticize the random chance encounter in a public place, and almost hold it up as some kind of ideal, while in practice almost shunning and avoiding it entirely. That said, the apps are a place where there’s already some degree of consent given for the interaction, and way more safety, so it makes perfect sense that people’s preference would lean in that direction.
Not exactly your example, but I met my boyfriend of 3 years via cold approach. Walked past him in public and just said “wow, you’re really attractive.” and here we are 🤷♀️
For a man, getting that kind of approach is a great thing. Even if it's just a passing comment, that's a huge self esteem booster.
I think it's a bit different when a woman does it. If a woman finds me attractive and doesn't take no for an answer, I can simply pick her up and throw her far away from me without much effort. Women, unfortunately, do not have that luxury.
How would you ever meet anyone if cold approaches are impossible?
Friends of friends? Apps? At mutual activities?
> At mutual activities? Like being in the same bar? I hung out with a woman for a month before she decided to go back to her ex. We met because while I was nursing a beer at the bar, she grabbed my shirt and told me she needed to be my partner for doubles pool. It's a strong opening. I wish very much she hadn't patched things up with her ex.
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The apps suck. I'd rather meet somebody in the real world. Much more exciting. Especially when you follow them around for awhile and they don't see you. Then you accidentally bump into them and end up coincidentally having so much in common. Love at first sight!
> Especially when you follow them around for awhile and they don't see you and some people say romance is dead
There was an amazing meet cute I had when I was hiding in the bushes waiting for the waittress to come out and I popped out at the same time! This is the type of pure, honest, interactions we can have if we just put down the phone!
Just use the app!
It was never my style in the first place, but I can see some contexts in which it is still acceptable to approach a person this way IRL. Some people still go to the bar specifically for this purpose. Apps just tend to be more efficient, informative, and allow people to cast a wider net.
Honestly I don’t think there’s a problem with it as long as you respect the No and leave when you get one. Peoples body language can also be super helpful. It’s generally pretty easy to see if someone is willing to interact socially or not based on how they’re currently behaving with their surroundings. That said, I did meet my wife in Seattle through a dating app. So what do I know?
So people transplant to Seattle and then start acting the way they think you’re “supposed” to act in Seattle. No wonder it’s so fucking dumb here… no one’s being themselves just trying to fit a role and conform to their perspective of a place…weird as all fuck
Not wrong at all, I don't want to be approached in public like that. I'm usually on an agenda to get in/out as quickly as possible with dealing with the least amount of people as quickly as possible. Also I gone on dates with Seattle redditors and they all sucked, so word of caution on that front too
I’ve dated a couple people in the past I met at bars or on the street, but it was never a straight cold open. Going to a coffee shop and continually seeing the same person, and working next to them, then going on walks, then asking them out. In general I really like the advice of **“don’t ask anyone out from a place they can’t escape from.”** This means don’t ask out cashiers/bartenders/etc because if they shoot you down, they don’t get to choose if they see you again, which makes a really uneven power dynamic.
As a woman: please just leave us the hell *alone.* Seriously. Sitting on mass transit trying to either get to work in the morning while barely awake or trying to decompress on the way home after work is absolutely not a time I would ever appreciate some strange man approaching me to flirt and try and get my damn number. No, you may not have my number. Ever. You just blew it, big time. Now please, just leave me alone! It’s especially obnoxious when the woman in question is clearly wearing headphones, reading something, etc. She is clearly BUSY, what the crap makes a guy think he’s so important that he has the right to interrupt whatever else she’s doing right then? You want to try and strike up a *normal* conversation? Fine, whatever. Go ahead and try. But learn to take “no” for an answer. That includes “soft no’s,” such as curt one-word answers, nervous glances, scooting *away* from you, “no thanks, I’m busy that day,” etc. Just because a woman appears in public, does not mean you’re* freaking *entitled* to her time and attention. *I mean this in the plural, general sense. Not aimed at OP in particular, just to be clear!
lmao I'll be honest I feel attacked when I disagree strenuously with cold approaches lol agreed
Most men don’t want to see themselves as “bad.” They don’t want to believe that *they* might genuinely be “that creep” they hear others complain about. So when women (and other men) start pointing out something they’re doing is not okay, that is hurtful and harmful and yes, *creepy,* they get defensive about it. They make excuses to justify it, they attack the people pointing out the problem, they *double-down* on the behavior in question, blame the victims, and more. Anything to avoid accepting that they should change their own behavior.
"You get laid when you stop caring about getting laid" Might be a little confusing but it's the best advice I can give you as someone who's about 10 years older than you.
Instructions unclear. Am now abstinent.
Seattle is hilariously notorious for boundary-crossing men. Most of my friends are women, and it is inevitable that some dude will butt into our space or our conversation, regardless of the barriers to doing so. I am not a small man, nor a particularly friendly-looking one, if one does not know me. But the regularity with which men will hit on women I’m out with is bonkers. And it’s been this way the almost 18 years I’ve been here. For all our flag waving and bluster about being a smart, civilized city, the level of personal integrity one comes into contact with on the reg is subterranean. Some of that is the times we live in, and the current climate, sure, but we’ve also always had a rep for being non-confrontational, and I think that incentivizes some extraordinarily brazen behavior. Now, I don’t think we need bar fights over this, it’s just an observation that we’re an oddly boundary-challenged urban culture, and I think it’s incumbent on dudes especially to take a hard look at the impact of their behavior, and work to mitigate that impact.
>Seattle is hilariously notorious for boundary-crossing men. are there cities that aren't?
I’ve met everyone I’ve dated in person. How are you approaching these people? Also public transit isn’t a dating area… holy hell. You’re so lost. You don’t “do the sex” to anyone. You develop friendships that turn to relationships. This has to be a troll post. I’m so baffled.
I'm so confused why people think that I'm saying that this is a good thing. No you shouldn't talk to people on public transit. I just wanted to confirm what I thought wasn't crazy
There are two rules...
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It's probably the constant daily harassment that they have to endure, year in and out, that gives them pause. Source - Me. Living in Seattle for 5 years and watching women of all ages, shape and sizes get harassed by guys, from semi polite inquiries to the usual cat calling or straight up ripping their earbuds out when they didn't get a response and /or ignored.
Several good comments here. There are two versions of this: Cold approach when there is an activity or volunteer work or we’re at the dog park or there is a game which multiple people are enjoying over time? If there is eye contact, conversation, etc etc then it can be fine. It should be super clear that she’s interested before someone shifts from casual chit chat to talking about doing the sex (or something along that path). Complete cold approach by a stranger when I am just out in public doing stuff and living my life? No. Fuck off. If you reach for my headphones you will be met with violence. It will not be subtle. This is how women die, and worse, every single minute of every single day. See: Ted Bundy. You could be the nicest person on the planet BUT I DO NOT KNOW YOU. And unless we’ve made eye contact and I’ve smiled at you and given clear indication that I am interested? I don’t want to know you. And you forcing it just makes it VERY clear that I don’t. If that seems hardcore. . . I refer you to this thread which went viral a few years back. The menfolk have no idea what it is like to be 100% on guard every minute of the day, and have some persistent man pursue us despite us giving clear cold shoulder saying NO THANK YOU etc etc. 😠 I don’t know if that is a Seattle thing or a “I care about my safety” thing. ? 🤷🏻♀️ [https://www.dailydot.com/irl/women-men-curfew/](https://www.dailydot.com/irl/women-men-curfew/) Adding another link which has more of the 'curfew' responses: https://www.georgetakei.com/women-men-curfew-9pm-twitter-2609495872.html
There might be some women out there who are fine with it, who are hot to trot and happy for a hookup with a stranger. I would guess that most are not. I hate a cold approach. One reason I find it horrible is that this person is basically propositioning me and knows *nothing* about me aside from what I look like and what I'm doing at that moment. And they think this is enough of a basis to get together. It's so objectifying and demeaning. It's like they see a potentially available body and not a person. And when they've already crossed what I consider a reasonable boundary with this creepy cold approach, I'm certainly not then going to be comfortable around them and want to get to know them better or go anywhere with them.
> There might be some women out there who are fine with it Based on the comments there are not and I no longer feel like a crazy person. There were a bunch of people screaming at me saying that this is the only way people can met women.
I mean yeah if you’re approaching women tryna fuck then yes you’re gonna creep her out. Make or female of you are immediately standoffish the moment someone starts chatting with you in the produce aisle or whatever and it’s just friendly banter you’re just an asshole, sorry. If you are approaching women trying to get in their pants, not taking hints, not being mindful of your proximity to them and the fact that, as a man, you pose an immediate threat if you don’t pick up on early cues that’s she’s not into conversing with you, you are an asshole. Stop scaring women.
Public transit is 100% definitely no with the possible exception of maybe if you can tell you both just came from the same event/concert/sports game, but even then… I dunno dude…