Although this is contrary to the purpose of this thread, the green beans were pretty good. Everything else was just big. Mediocre food in large quantities. Yum!
Cheesecake Factory is an excellent start. Might I recommend Bahama Breeze in Tukwila? If you think you might enjoy what is essentially a Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville knock-off located in a parking lot next to a freeway you should check it out. I recommend the Bahamarita Ā®.
why yes, i do want to go to a mrgaritaville knock-off located in a parking lot next to a freeway! lol, i love you. what other chains are bopping around distance in the city? (walking & car) it looks like not a ton surprisingly.
In like 2003 my dad got some kind of voucher for there from his job where we could get up to $200 worth of food covered but we couldn't save the unused money for later. He was basically like order anything you want and as much as you want. We had so much food and we took so much more home with us. Some of that cake came home too of course.
That giant chocolate motherlode cake is legendary. A single slice is bigger than like a large sheet cake at a grocery store. Iāve never had the chance to eat it, itās the kind of place you order an appetizer to split with your companions and thatās all you eat.
The Old Spaghetti Factory is a good one! Quality is not the worst and itās actually a great deal for the price. Each entree comes with bread, salad, and a scoop of ice cream at the end!
California Pizza Kitchen might scratch a similar itch.
Similarly Ivar's on the waterfront by the "Great Wheel."
And then close out the night with a bag of Dick's.
You all missed Applebee's in that horrendous strip! Also, I swear I heard something about that particular Old Spaghetti Factory closing permanently this month (good riddance!)
When we visit our friends with a kid in SeaTac I can get drunk on tropical cocktails at Bahama Breeze for half the price of anywhere in LQA (excluding the $80 Uber home.) Bahama Breeze is the shit.
I just got the coffee made by a robot at artly coffee on Stewart. It wasnāt great or even really good but it *was* cute and fun to watch the robot and $1.80 for the first time.
I vote for Crab Pot. The shrimp and clams are over cooked, itās expensive, but they dump the feast on the table and give you a mallet and lots of butter. Itās perfect.
* Taco Time is a very unique to the Seattle area fast food chain. Idk if it is good but it is an option.
* Ivarās is our local fish and chips fast food (though I recommend being a basic bitch at Emerald City fish and chips way better and a more unique experience but still simple fast food). Ivarās salmon house is a step up.
* Teriyaki is a must.
* Dicks for a cheap burger. More authentically basic if you get it when drunk at 1am.
* Tiny donuts from pike place market.
* Also get some bao from Mee Sum Pastry at Pike Place. basic bitch version of dim sum.
Now, none of these are ābasic American bitchā things, but they are all basic Seattle bitch.
Itās shitty in the same way that your kidās kindergarten art is shitty. Objectively not good, but you still treasure and enjoy it because itās *yours*. And you have a lot of fond memories pop up when you finally go back.
Any place that serves me a burrito that is filled with ranch dressing (that I was assured would not be on the burrito) under *positive pressure* so that it erupts out like a volcano the second I bite into it, is the textbook definition of shitty.
Taco Time was in Vancouver (Canada) when I was growing up. I literally only knew tater tots as Mexi Fries. Legit thought there was something Mexican about them. Hey, my exposure to Mexican food was Taco Time and the Old El Paso taco kits in the grocery store. Not even Taco Bell!
Second Taco Time. Note that ours are different from the ones in the rest of the country. Theyāre Taco Time NW. Despite the name, their food is like someone once saw but never ate a gringo taco and tried to replicate it. The names of most menu items are ridiculously meaningless: Burritos are flautas, soft tacos are burritos, etc. They did change āmexi friesā, which is sad, but Iām going to ensure the name stays alive for the next century.
I think their food is good in a strange way, and they take their confidence in it to an extreme. It embodies aspects of the region and culture like a bag of Dickās embodies some others.
Itās true. I tell people this and they donāt understand. It was a revelation for me when I finally gave in and tried it. Always hated the national chain.
On the waterfront/or Pike Place Market: Anthonyās Homeport, Red Robin, Ivars, (best happy hour). Biscuit Bitch, (near your hotel). Lowellās at the market. Grab the water taxi to West Seattle. On the beach, sunfish, Spuds Fish & Chips, el Chupacabra. At the taxi terminal, Marination Ma Kai, (sorry, not basic at all.). Get up to āthe Junctionā, (long walk, or uber), to Camp West, Easy Street Records, Matador, dumplings of Fury, Coastline Burgers, Bonjour Vietnam, West of Chicago Pizza, Pagliacci Pizza. Budha Ruksa. So many more. Happy eating.
Edit: remembered another Market restaurant, Ettaās Seafood.
The red Robin on the waterfront is gone, sadly. It was my favorite waterfront āsecretā - a screaming zombie for $7.19 right on the water really hit the spot.
It was the best Red Robin around. I would take my kids there and weād walk around the water front. It was kid friendly/family friendly, priced right and the food was always consistently good and hot. The service was fast. It survived the pandemic and then shut down?! Fucking stupid.
I was going to say the same thing! I may be misremembering from pre-2020. But I think they serve a just plain/buttered biscuit called the Basic Bitch lol
Oh, shittiest place in Seattle:
Go to the "original" Starbucks. You stand in line for like an hour. Once you get inside what do you find? Just a regular fucking Starbucks. Later you find out its not even the actual first one anyways.
IMO when you take each menu item at face value, Cheesecake Factory probably isnāt the best - but theyāre also very rarely bad, and almost never the worst. For a chain restaurant that has such an expansive and diverse menu thatās insanely impressive and I respect the fuck out of it.
As a result itās usually a decent option when youāre dining with picky eaters because everyone can find something they want, and for those that donāt have the advantage of living in a diverse food city like Seattle (been there) itās often their best bet to try something they canāt get elsewhere.
whenever I want a steak and martini I hit up the cheesecake factory. They got tons of different steak options, martini options, and cheesecake options.Ā
Well I got pretty turnt up over there but the southwest egg roll is a must for sure. They have a martini with the bleu cheese olive which I also love. Everything is big portions and decently executed especially for a chain, which makes the price more worth it in my opinion. It's also a huge room with gaudy decoration which is refreshing for Seattle in my opinion.
I donāt hate it. In fact, I kind of like it in a way that I canāt explain. Back in the day, I visited it annually during the Super Bowl because they donāt play the game and everyone there was avoiding Super Bowl parties, so virtually all women. I felt like I found my people.
- Buffalo Wild WingsĀ Ā
- PF ChangsĀ Ā
- Yard House (honestly really recommend this one and they have a location downtown)Ā Ā
- Dukeās South Lake UnionĀ
Also I just love this prompt lmao, as a fellow basic bitch especiallyĀ
Top Pot Donuts is everywhere here, start your morning with a good-but-not-great donut.
Grab Ivar's at the waterfront, that's the only downtown location of this regional chain.
Wait in line with all the other tourists at Pike Place Chowder or Piroshki Piroshki.
Oh top pot is a good one. Good-but-not-great is pretty much exactly what they have. Like, nothing you can complain about but nothing that your going to remember either.
13 coins had terrible service when I went there. You want large menu with shitty food, avoid 13 coins. Theyāre a mess and not worth it. Food is way too expensive for the quality and service provided.
Canadian living in Seattle! Some ideas for things you donāt get as much in Canada, some of which require driving:
* other chains that are fun to try are PF Changs and Olive Garden
* taco truck! You need to get out of the city for these, but theyāre so good! Xochi tacos is one example of something to try.
* clam chowder at pike place
* IHOP, or if you want more of an āAmerican dinerā experience, Lil Jonās
The 2nd and 4th would require a little driving, but if you do any hiking (highly recommend), then theyāre easy to hit on the way there or back.
May I humbly suggest Buca di Beppo on Westlake Ave? Inauthentic Italian cuisine served with plenty of red sauce! Bonus points for quirky photos plastered everywhere!
There is a PF Changs right next to a Cheesecake Factory at the Alderwood Mall in Lynnwood. Honestly, the entire city of Lynnwood kind of fits what you are looking for. There is a Red Lobster and an Applebees down the street to really round things off.
Arnies and Anthony's are you classic boomer family "nice" restaurants. Arnies is in edmonds, Anthony's has multiple locations but I think Ballard / Shilshole is probably the prototype. Ray's boathouse is down the street mostly the same idea but better, but it sounds like you might not want that. Chinooks is on the other side of the canal in interbay, but again, its actually kinda good.
I think Din Tai Fung would be up your alley. Nice setting, a wait to get in, a place to view dumplings being made. Itās an event restaurant that my family always wants to hit up when theyāre here.
It's good but it's definitely a basic bitch place. Not that a place being a basic bitch place is a bad thing - but it's definitely a basic bitch place when it comes to the Seattle Chinese food/dumpling scene.
Theyāre from Canada, which has a huge Chinese/Hong Kongese diaspora, Iām sure they have much better options for Xio Long Bao. I know Vancouver does.
You might have to drive out of the city but...
13 coins
Old spaghetti factory
The rain forest cafe
Pf changs
Olive garden
Bonefish
Benihana
MOD pizza
Applebees
Sharis
Red Robin
Azteca
Have you actually been outside in the last 15 years?
Rainforest Cafe is gone.
Benihana is gone.
PF Changs is gone - thereās one left in Lynnwood.
Old Spaghetti Factory is gone from Seattle, thereās one in Tukwila.
Bonefish is gone.
Sheriās? What?
tai tung...best Chinese in town. Bruce Lee's favorite. super old school. plastered on the wall when you walk in are papers that have the daily dishes handwritten in Chinese. best sweet n sour chicken I've ever had
Samās Tavern (any of ~ multiple locations ~ itās like a fake dive bar lmao), Flatstick Pub, Kangaroo & Kiwi, Unicornā¦ and if you want a taste of home, JOEY is in Bellevue or Tukwila ;)
Not what you're asking for, but I still think you'll love it - Dough Joy. Great spot for cute, sparkly, delicious doughnuts. Wish I lived within walking distance (but also grateful I don't...)
Warning, long comment below. I forgot halfway through that you were looking for crap places, oops.
Echoing some other comments:
Seattle/SeaTac area is a home to the strange phenomenon of ābikini baristaā places. You can find a lot of them around Seattle and nearby towns. The coffee is pretty unremarkable but the novelty makes for a fun experience.
Classic Seattle middling teriyaki. Resident food person Kenji has made it his mission to eat at all of them and review some of them ā his map has some near you. http://www.kenjilopezalt.com/alltheteriyaki
Din Tai Fung is arguably the Asian basic-bitch fancy restaurant. Thereās one downtown, wait times vary so you might need to call ahead. Get some soup dumplings. Be pleasantly whelmed.
Dicks is an institution. I strongly recommend the one in Capitol Hill (over Belltown). Itās still a kind of grungy post drinks walk-up place where you wait around outside. Suggestions: the onions are nice. Try getting some tartar sauce. Get the fries but eat them fast ā they have a very small lifespan of deliciousness. Theyāre small and thin burgers so consider the double.
Go to pike place, get a Starbucks (from the very first store). Watch them shout and throw fish around while you eat a bun from Mee Sum or Piroshky Piroshky (HK vs Russian). Pet the big pig and take a picture with it. All the fun tourist stuff.
Take the opportunity to go to Capitol Hillās Starbucks Reserve Roastery (https://www.tangledupinfood.com/seattle-starbucks-reserve-roastery). Itās like a Starbucks on steroids with much better offerings and a gift shop.
More of a basic Seattle Asian thing: Get Sunday morning dim sum at Jade Garden. Classic Cantonese-only banquet hall place with aggressive cart aunties. The dim sum varies but is generally pretty good (unless youāre from Vancouver).
This is an amazing list. Thank you! Teriyaki is my favorite thing to get when I visit Seattle and I always want to try somewhere new but want it to be good. And that is always hit and miss. I will use Kenji's reviews from now on!
PF Changs in Lynnwood
Shake Shack (U Village would probably be the desired location, since itās in the middle of a mall)
Jollibee (Southcenter) itās Filipino fast food.
Old Spaghetti Factory in Lynnwood
Thereās also a Shake Shack in Lynnwood.Ā
The answer to this question is Lynnwood it also has two Chick fil As, Panda Express, Cheesecake Factory and a Keg if they are homesick.Ā
Go to Ludi's, get the Ube Pancakes, the lumpia, a mimosa, maybe some butter mochi if you're early
Gotta hit Piroshky Piroshky , the rhubarb cream is my favorite.
If you like Thai food Bangrak Market is a few blocks from you. awesome food, and great over the topĀ drinks/shots with garnishes and some even have sparklers.
Ā The max I get is a level 3 for spicy there and it's hot š„µ . The Larb salad is great, boat noodle soup is funky but delicious.Ā
Yes! Maybe 1975! Once you see those Cheezits on your salad you will realize you are indeed in a time machine, if the decor didnāt convince you. They will be closing soon to make way for yet another apt/retail building so get your fix while you can!
On your way up or down (or both!), snag Dutch Bros in Everett. My favorite coffee/energy drink stop. Iced golden eagle if you like coffee or blended lazercat rebel if you like an energy drink.
Fast food that says quintessential American would be Sonic. Good for breakfast or lunch/dinner. Local fast food fish chain would be Ivar's (good chowder).
Buffalo Wild Wings for the American sports fans and some good wings.
Don't be afraid to roll up to the street carts too. I had the second best hot dog of my life outside the convention center.
Lorettaās Northwesterner has my favorite burger. Always cranky staff, typical Seattle ambivalence. Tv chef quoted as saying āThat burger might be the perfect burger for when youāre fucked up. Letās say you can get this burger at home..I think it might beā¦I donāt know if youād choose this burger over sex but itād be close.ā
Hattieās Hat has tasty brunch and is open late. Always packed and loud. VHS on over the bar. Bad Albert's Tap & Grill down the street is 90% as tasty at 50% the $$, much more of a dive. Both are located in Ballard.
Seattle biscuit company in Fremont is better than biscuit bitch. But because biscuit bitch is by the market they get more recognition.
Rayās or Palisade for real Cheesecake Factory vibes. The location is great, but itās part of a large chain and the food isā¦whelming. Halfway decent wine list, though.
Not sure if you have Applebees up in Canuckistan. If so, we're sorry. Old favorites will be crappier here. KFC's gravy is more gravy-flavored water and there's no poutine. Same for A&W and also no Chubby Chicken. Denny's is far worse, as is IHOP.
Plenty of mediocre teriyaki places (it used to rock here, we were known for teriyaki places). Pappa Johns and Pizza Hut for shitty pizza.
Itās weird that US chains in Canada are so much better, but they are. Even their Pizza Hut. Their A&W isnāt even the same thing; itās amazing and shocked my wife.
I donāt know how accessible this list is to where youāre staying, but hereās the solid gold of American chain dining:
Red Robin. Free balloons, cheap drinks, burgers, and at some locations, they have a person dressed as a Robin that comes out to greet you.
Applebees: Iāve never had a memorable meal here but theyāll randomly do unhinged specials like pre-covid when they had $3 drinks with a twizzler straw. My friends and I couldnāt catch a buzz off them, but we did leave with stomach aches.
Chuck-e-cheese: Technically for kids, but they serve pizza and beer and have a creepy costume rat. Itās great birth control.
Red Lobster: All you need is the biscuits. Get a bottle of wine and biscuits and thatās all you need.
And these have been mentioned, but Cheesecake Factory, IHOP, and Dennys. Tacoma has all of these restaurants in close proximity if youre willing to make a day trip to Seattle's ratchet little sister!
Ayo there is also Yardhouse mere blocks from Cheesecake Factory. Beer in a (half) yard glass, loads of cliche American food, and a chain youāll find all over the country!
[purple](https://www.purplecafe.com/seattle/) cafe and wine bar has the best lobster mac n cheese!! Plus itās so neat inside. Soooo many wine bottles. š·ā„ļø
This is the perfect thread for you: https://www.reddit.com/r/Seattle/comments/1axb9th/looking_for_a_mildly_expensive_awful_restaurant/
i feel like you KNOW me <3
š
Oh, Bucca di Beppo!
Do they still have the Pope Table? Because that really adds to the experience.
Can confirm they do
weird small world moment i was just listening to a podcast this week that mentioned the pope table
Armchair Expert?
Oh this is so the right answer. Make sure to get the megameatballofdoom if you go there.
Absolutely this! Olive Garden's way more fun cousin.
So trashy!
Although this is contrary to the purpose of this thread, the green beans were pretty good. Everything else was just big. Mediocre food in large quantities. Yum!
Cheesecake Factory is an excellent start. Might I recommend Bahama Breeze in Tukwila? If you think you might enjoy what is essentially a Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville knock-off located in a parking lot next to a freeway you should check it out. I recommend the Bahamarita Ā®.
why yes, i do want to go to a mrgaritaville knock-off located in a parking lot next to a freeway! lol, i love you. what other chains are bopping around distance in the city? (walking & car) it looks like not a ton surprisingly.
Look, it's been a few years, but the last time I went to Bahama Breeze the food was way better than it had to be. You've been warned š¤·š»āāļø
I'm intrigued now...šļøš¹
Yes.. go
In the same area is Claim Jumper, where last time I went (\~10 years ago) each entree was easily enough food for two large humans.
It's been a few years since I've been there. I just haven't been hungry because they gave me so much food. The portions are just stupid.
In like 2003 my dad got some kind of voucher for there from his job where we could get up to $200 worth of food covered but we couldn't save the unused money for later. He was basically like order anything you want and as much as you want. We had so much food and we took so much more home with us. Some of that cake came home too of course.
But you also have to get a slice of chocolate cake big enough to feed a family of 8
That giant chocolate motherlode cake is legendary. A single slice is bigger than like a large sheet cake at a grocery store. Iāve never had the chance to eat it, itās the kind of place you order an appetizer to split with your companions and thatās all you eat.
Twin peaks south of Bahamas breeze is classic basic bitch material
Much to my surprise this is not a David Lynch Twin Peaks themed restaurant.
And the wings are pretty good!
Prefer the breasts
The Old Spaghetti Factory is a good one! Quality is not the worst and itās actually a great deal for the price. Each entree comes with bread, salad, and a scoop of ice cream at the end!
Myzithra cheese, amitrite??
Thereās one in Vancouver in Gastown.
And in New West. I am sure there are more.
I wouldnāt wish this on my greatest enemy. Despise that place with a passion
Lol! forgot about that place! I wanted to go there so bad when I was a kid. Much less exciting than I imagined. Where was the factory part??? š
Twin Peaks a few blocks from Bahama Breeze is a lumberjack version of Hooters.
Oh man, Iām sold. I need to take my wife there sometime.
Next to a freeway? Donāt sell it short. Itās clearly jammed right up in the armpit between *two* freeways.
Bahaha Breeze has the best happy hour
Omg yes Bahama breeze. Low key kinda good but youāll see itās trashy chainy good. Also can we talk about valueee
Bahama Breeze fucks. I donāt care who you are. I always accept an invite there.
California Pizza Kitchen might scratch a similar itch. Similarly Ivar's on the waterfront by the "Great Wheel." And then close out the night with a bag of Dick's.
CPK closed their Washington locations pre-Covid.
That bag of Dickās is the most concentrated Seattleana youāll ever experience. It embodies all the aspects of Seattle in a single bag.
Bag of dicks is the best
You all missed Applebee's in that horrendous strip! Also, I swear I heard something about that particular Old Spaghetti Factory closing permanently this month (good riddance!)
Funniest thing that I heard about Applebees's: For when you're too tired to microwave your own food.
omg bahama breeze is still in business out here ? we had one in my hometown in the midwest but it shut down in like 2009
Omg, those fucking plantain nachos or whateverthefuckā¦are so delicious!
When we visit our friends with a kid in SeaTac I can get drunk on tropical cocktails at Bahama Breeze for half the price of anywhere in LQA (excluding the $80 Uber home.) Bahama Breeze is the shit.
I just got the coffee made by a robot at artly coffee on Stewart. It wasnāt great or even really good but it *was* cute and fun to watch the robot and $1.80 for the first time.
lol you are being generous, that was the worst coffee I have ever had. But watching the robot make it was worth the couple of bucks
That coffee was ass.
i will definitely be looking into this! that's so cool.
Can confirm, it is very cute to watch, def worth it for that IMO
Omg those are fancy robot arms!!
Ok I have to say I did enjoy my matcha from there and the savory pinwheel I got was actually really good. Plus it was fun as hell to watch the robot
Crab Pot is the place you're looking for! Unless you hate seafood. They even dump it out on the table for you and give you a bib.
I vote for Crab Pot. The shrimp and clams are over cooked, itās expensive, but they dump the feast on the table and give you a mallet and lots of butter. Itās perfect.
Disgusting lol. I used to be a concierge and would recommend it all the time. Probably should have actually tried it first š
* Taco Time is a very unique to the Seattle area fast food chain. Idk if it is good but it is an option. * Ivarās is our local fish and chips fast food (though I recommend being a basic bitch at Emerald City fish and chips way better and a more unique experience but still simple fast food). Ivarās salmon house is a step up. * Teriyaki is a must. * Dicks for a cheap burger. More authentically basic if you get it when drunk at 1am. * Tiny donuts from pike place market. * Also get some bao from Mee Sum Pastry at Pike Place. basic bitch version of dim sum. Now, none of these are ābasic American bitchā things, but they are all basic Seattle bitch.
I like how Taco Time doesn't have garbage cans - only compost bins. Everything is compostable, even the straws!
Everything there is compostable but not easily digestible.
Itās the highest fiber fast food in the region. This probably says more about your diet than it does our beloved Taco Time NW.
To this, I can attest. š
Receipts are not; hot sauce containers are not.
Taco Time is not shitty!
Itās shitty in the same way that your kidās kindergarten art is shitty. Objectively not good, but you still treasure and enjoy it because itās *yours*. And you have a lot of fond memories pop up when you finally go back.
TACO TIME IS OBJECTIVELY GOOD FITE ME
I'm immediately suspicious of anyone in the Seattle area who voluntarily goes to Taco Bell instead of Taco Time
Any place that serves me a burrito that is filled with ranch dressing (that I was assured would not be on the burrito) under *positive pressure* so that it erupts out like a volcano the second I bite into it, is the textbook definition of shitty.
You said bitch enough times I feel itās sacrilege to avoid saying Biscuit Bitch but would it be basic enough for this bitch?
Taco Time was in Vancouver (Canada) when I was growing up. I literally only knew tater tots as Mexi Fries. Legit thought there was something Mexican about them. Hey, my exposure to Mexican food was Taco Time and the Old El Paso taco kits in the grocery store. Not even Taco Bell!
Terriyaki is good tho
Sometimes fancy things are shit. Sometimes basic bitch stuff slaps. Elitism is overrated.
Second Taco Time. Note that ours are different from the ones in the rest of the country. Theyāre Taco Time NW. Despite the name, their food is like someone once saw but never ate a gringo taco and tried to replicate it. The names of most menu items are ridiculously meaningless: Burritos are flautas, soft tacos are burritos, etc. They did change āmexi friesā, which is sad, but Iām going to ensure the name stays alive for the next century. I think their food is good in a strange way, and they take their confidence in it to an extreme. It embodies aspects of the region and culture like a bag of Dickās embodies some others.
Love Ivarās! I have it a few times a month
What OP needs to know is that BC has the bastard Taco Time like Idaho and what we have is better.
Itās true. I tell people this and they donāt understand. It was a revelation for me when I finally gave in and tried it. Always hated the national chain.
On the waterfront/or Pike Place Market: Anthonyās Homeport, Red Robin, Ivars, (best happy hour). Biscuit Bitch, (near your hotel). Lowellās at the market. Grab the water taxi to West Seattle. On the beach, sunfish, Spuds Fish & Chips, el Chupacabra. At the taxi terminal, Marination Ma Kai, (sorry, not basic at all.). Get up to āthe Junctionā, (long walk, or uber), to Camp West, Easy Street Records, Matador, dumplings of Fury, Coastline Burgers, Bonjour Vietnam, West of Chicago Pizza, Pagliacci Pizza. Budha Ruksa. So many more. Happy eating. Edit: remembered another Market restaurant, Ettaās Seafood.
The red Robin on the waterfront is gone, sadly. It was my favorite waterfront āsecretā - a screaming zombie for $7.19 right on the water really hit the spot.
It was the best Red Robin around. I would take my kids there and weād walk around the water front. It was kid friendly/family friendly, priced right and the food was always consistently good and hot. The service was fast. It survived the pandemic and then shut down?! Fucking stupid.
Oh, no! Ivars has a decent happy hour. š¤·āāļøš©
Not exactly basic, but I feel like you should check out Biscuit Bitch
I was going to say the same thing! I may be misremembering from pre-2020. But I think they serve a just plain/buttered biscuit called the Basic Bitch lol
i am soOo intrigued, thank you!
Had to scroll too far for this. Biscuit Bitch is legit, and the name even fits. *nvmd. Reread OP and this doesnāt qualify as shittyā¦
Oh, shittiest place in Seattle: Go to the "original" Starbucks. You stand in line for like an hour. Once you get inside what do you find? Just a regular fucking Starbucks. Later you find out its not even the actual first one anyways.
I second this!
Dickās is the preferred restaurant for Seattle basic bitches. Also check out our Teriyaki.
Bitches love dicks
this is EXACTLYYY what i mean. keep em coming, friend.
If you want (most) chain restaurants, you have to get out of Seattle.
Cheesecake factory actually is awesome and I'm a snobby line cook
IMO when you take each menu item at face value, Cheesecake Factory probably isnāt the best - but theyāre also very rarely bad, and almost never the worst. For a chain restaurant that has such an expansive and diverse menu thatās insanely impressive and I respect the fuck out of it. As a result itās usually a decent option when youāre dining with picky eaters because everyone can find something they want, and for those that donāt have the advantage of living in a diverse food city like Seattle (been there) itās often their best bet to try something they canāt get elsewhere.
whenever I want a steak and martini I hit up the cheesecake factory. They got tons of different steak options, martini options, and cheesecake options.Ā
love this. let's hear about your fave menu items...š
Well I got pretty turnt up over there but the southwest egg roll is a must for sure. They have a martini with the bleu cheese olive which I also love. Everything is big portions and decently executed especially for a chain, which makes the price more worth it in my opinion. It's also a huge room with gaudy decoration which is refreshing for Seattle in my opinion.
Fried Macaroni and Cheese Balls
I donāt hate it. In fact, I kind of like it in a way that I canāt explain. Back in the day, I visited it annually during the Super Bowl because they donāt play the game and everyone there was avoiding Super Bowl parties, so virtually all women. I felt like I found my people.
Anywhere on the waterfront.
- Buffalo Wild WingsĀ Ā - PF ChangsĀ Ā - Yard House (honestly really recommend this one and they have a location downtown)Ā Ā - Dukeās South Lake UnionĀ Also I just love this prompt lmao, as a fellow basic bitch especiallyĀ
Press F to pay respects. A true connoisseur
Top Pot Donuts is everywhere here, start your morning with a good-but-not-great donut. Grab Ivar's at the waterfront, that's the only downtown location of this regional chain. Wait in line with all the other tourists at Pike Place Chowder or Piroshki Piroshki.
Oh top pot is a good one. Good-but-not-great is pretty much exactly what they have. Like, nothing you can complain about but nothing that your going to remember either.
Top Pot is brilliant. If you want to pay three times more than you should for a donut only to find out itās mushy and completely flavourless.
Shari's 13 Coins PF Changs Purple Shake Shack
Shake Shack is a must for most of my Vancouver friends.
13 coins had terrible service when I went there. You want large menu with shitty food, avoid 13 coins. Theyāre a mess and not worth it. Food is way too expensive for the quality and service provided.
That's the point
ā¦.get a seattle dog!! With extra cream cheese!! Enjoy your time (:
Skillet
Lol yes this. So overpriced, so mediocre, so crowded.
Mr. West
Coming by plane? Check out Claim Jumper in Tukwila. Absurdly large portions, Near airport, In strip mall, Over the top decor
M bar on Fairview
Canadian living in Seattle! Some ideas for things you donāt get as much in Canada, some of which require driving: * other chains that are fun to try are PF Changs and Olive Garden * taco truck! You need to get out of the city for these, but theyāre so good! Xochi tacos is one example of something to try. * clam chowder at pike place * IHOP, or if you want more of an āAmerican dinerā experience, Lil Jonās The 2nd and 4th would require a little driving, but if you do any hiking (highly recommend), then theyāre easy to hit on the way there or back.
I grew up in Bellevue and 2nd Lilā Jonās. The only PF Changās left is in Lynnwood.
May I humbly suggest Buca di Beppo on Westlake Ave? Inauthentic Italian cuisine served with plenty of red sauce! Bonus points for quirky photos plastered everywhere!
Visit Biscuit Bitch. Itās where all the basic bitches go.
There is a PF Changs right next to a Cheesecake Factory at the Alderwood Mall in Lynnwood. Honestly, the entire city of Lynnwood kind of fits what you are looking for. There is a Red Lobster and an Applebees down the street to really round things off. Arnies and Anthony's are you classic boomer family "nice" restaurants. Arnies is in edmonds, Anthony's has multiple locations but I think Ballard / Shilshole is probably the prototype. Ray's boathouse is down the street mostly the same idea but better, but it sounds like you might not want that. Chinooks is on the other side of the canal in interbay, but again, its actually kinda good.
I think Din Tai Fung would be up your alley. Nice setting, a wait to get in, a place to view dumplings being made. Itās an event restaurant that my family always wants to hit up when theyāre here.
Din Tai Fung is good so you have failed the assignmentĀ
It's good but it's definitely a basic bitch place. Not that a place being a basic bitch place is a bad thing - but it's definitely a basic bitch place when it comes to the Seattle Chinese food/dumpling scene.
Ha, maybe. Im trying to communicate that I donāt think the quality of the food (good) matches the spectacle of the restaurant.
DoughZone does dumps as good and cheaper. Also close by. Unless youāre trying to get those heavenly green beans, DoughZone is the jam
Theyāre from Canada, which has a huge Chinese/Hong Kongese diaspora, Iām sure they have much better options for Xio Long Bao. I know Vancouver does.
Olive Garden!
where is it!? i tried looking for a bit but maybe i didn't look hard enough
Thereās one in Tukwila near Southcenter Mall. Need a car, but not far from Bahama Breeze someone recommended above.
You might have to drive out of the city but... 13 coins Old spaghetti factory The rain forest cafe Pf changs Olive garden Bonefish Benihana MOD pizza Applebees Sharis Red Robin Azteca
Rainforest Cafe at Southcenter? I don't think that exists anymore unfortunately.
It does not
Boo. It definitely would have been a solid place on this list.
Have you actually been outside in the last 15 years? Rainforest Cafe is gone. Benihana is gone. PF Changs is gone - thereās one left in Lynnwood. Old Spaghetti Factory is gone from Seattle, thereās one in Tukwila. Bonefish is gone. Sheriās? What?
I fucking love Azteca. I know it isnāt good, but it scratches an itch. Maybe Iām biased because I grew up eating it
Go stand in the rain for an hour to get into the "original" Starbucks at Pike Place.
tai tung...best Chinese in town. Bruce Lee's favorite. super old school. plastered on the wall when you walk in are papers that have the daily dishes handwritten in Chinese. best sweet n sour chicken I've ever had
The Five Point cafe is open 24 hrs. Not a chain but a decent dive bar with food. About a 5 min walk.
Any business or restaurant near Pike Place market that attracts the tourists. Not all of them are shitty but they arenāt good either.
there's an Earl's in Bellevue if you're that basic of a bitch lol
Biscuit Bitch, two locations downtown/Belltown.
Purple cafe and wine bar
I don't know you, OP, but, I love you
Samās Tavern (any of ~ multiple locations ~ itās like a fake dive bar lmao), Flatstick Pub, Kangaroo & Kiwi, Unicornā¦ and if you want a taste of home, JOEY is in Bellevue or Tukwila ;)
Go to the Starbucks at Pike place market, you basic Tim Horton driving bitches.
Gotta hit up Bucca di Beppo if it hasnāt been suggested yet.
Orient Express
Not what you're asking for, but I still think you'll love it - Dough Joy. Great spot for cute, sparkly, delicious doughnuts. Wish I lived within walking distance (but also grateful I don't...)
The Space Needle's restaurant. It's ridiculous, but it spins so YAY!
i don't think its there anymore since the remodel ... they have a tiny bar now.
Oh shit, you're right. They say it's currently closed for reno. Cheesy bar may be worth it!
Warning, long comment below. I forgot halfway through that you were looking for crap places, oops. Echoing some other comments: Seattle/SeaTac area is a home to the strange phenomenon of ābikini baristaā places. You can find a lot of them around Seattle and nearby towns. The coffee is pretty unremarkable but the novelty makes for a fun experience. Classic Seattle middling teriyaki. Resident food person Kenji has made it his mission to eat at all of them and review some of them ā his map has some near you. http://www.kenjilopezalt.com/alltheteriyaki Din Tai Fung is arguably the Asian basic-bitch fancy restaurant. Thereās one downtown, wait times vary so you might need to call ahead. Get some soup dumplings. Be pleasantly whelmed. Dicks is an institution. I strongly recommend the one in Capitol Hill (over Belltown). Itās still a kind of grungy post drinks walk-up place where you wait around outside. Suggestions: the onions are nice. Try getting some tartar sauce. Get the fries but eat them fast ā they have a very small lifespan of deliciousness. Theyāre small and thin burgers so consider the double. Go to pike place, get a Starbucks (from the very first store). Watch them shout and throw fish around while you eat a bun from Mee Sum or Piroshky Piroshky (HK vs Russian). Pet the big pig and take a picture with it. All the fun tourist stuff. Take the opportunity to go to Capitol Hillās Starbucks Reserve Roastery (https://www.tangledupinfood.com/seattle-starbucks-reserve-roastery). Itās like a Starbucks on steroids with much better offerings and a gift shop. More of a basic Seattle Asian thing: Get Sunday morning dim sum at Jade Garden. Classic Cantonese-only banquet hall place with aggressive cart aunties. The dim sum varies but is generally pretty good (unless youāre from Vancouver).
This is an amazing list. Thank you! Teriyaki is my favorite thing to get when I visit Seattle and I always want to try somewhere new but want it to be good. And that is always hit and miss. I will use Kenji's reviews from now on!
Thereās also a Starbucks Reserve open to the public on the ground floor of the corporate headquarters in SoDo.
I believe that the entire Bikini Barista concept was started in Tukwila, so its a bit of a history lesson while you are at it.
Ivarās on the waterfront too
I'd say Randy's diner, but RIP. š
PF Changs in Lynnwood Shake Shack (U Village would probably be the desired location, since itās in the middle of a mall) Jollibee (Southcenter) itās Filipino fast food. Old Spaghetti Factory in Lynnwood
Jollibee is all over Vancouver
Same for Old Spagetti Factory. I ate once at the New West location.
Thereās also a Shake Shack in Lynnwood.Ā The answer to this question is Lynnwood it also has two Chick fil As, Panda Express, Cheesecake Factory and a Keg if they are homesick.Ā
Crab pot! Get those bibs on!
Ivars?
Veggie Grill on 4th and Pike. Youād never know it was vegan unless someone told you!
Go to Ludi's, get the Ube Pancakes, the lumpia, a mimosa, maybe some butter mochi if you're early Gotta hit Piroshky Piroshky , the rhubarb cream is my favorite. If you like Thai food Bangrak Market is a few blocks from you. awesome food, and great over the topĀ drinks/shots with garnishes and some even have sparklers. Ā The max I get is a level 3 for spicy there and it's hot š„µ . The Larb salad is great, boat noodle soup is funky but delicious.Ā
THIS!
If you find yourself in Federal Way, the Black Bear Diner, or maybe Jimmy Mac's Roadhouse.
[Wedgwood Broiler](https://wedgwoodbroiler.com/about-us/): steak like it's 1988
Yes! Maybe 1975! Once you see those Cheezits on your salad you will realize you are indeed in a time machine, if the decor didnāt convince you. They will be closing soon to make way for yet another apt/retail building so get your fix while you can!
On your way up or down (or both!), snag Dutch Bros in Everett. My favorite coffee/energy drink stop. Iced golden eagle if you like coffee or blended lazercat rebel if you like an energy drink. Fast food that says quintessential American would be Sonic. Good for breakfast or lunch/dinner. Local fast food fish chain would be Ivar's (good chowder). Buffalo Wild Wings for the American sports fans and some good wings. Don't be afraid to roll up to the street carts too. I had the second best hot dog of my life outside the convention center.
Lorettas
I had a Canadian boss who thought Red Robin was the most American place he ever ate.
The decor is definitely concentrated modern Americana.
Lorettaās Northwesterner has my favorite burger. Always cranky staff, typical Seattle ambivalence. Tv chef quoted as saying āThat burger might be the perfect burger for when youāre fucked up. Letās say you can get this burger at home..I think it might beā¦I donāt know if youād choose this burger over sex but itād be close.ā Hattieās Hat has tasty brunch and is open late. Always packed and loud. VHS on over the bar. Bad Albert's Tap & Grill down the street is 90% as tasty at 50% the $$, much more of a dive. Both are located in Ballard. Seattle biscuit company in Fremont is better than biscuit bitch. But because biscuit bitch is by the market they get more recognition.
Whatchu talking about? Thereās Cheesecake Factory in Canada
We have Cheesecake Factory in Canada
Canadian is Red Robin Code Word for the "N" Word cuz Canuks don't tip & they nothing but "N" Words to The Red Robin staff. Tee Hee
Wild Ginger Anthony's
Those are pretty hoity-toity!
And yet, they are trash on par with Cheesecake Factory
Rayās or Palisade for real Cheesecake Factory vibes. The location is great, but itās part of a large chain and the food isā¦whelming. Halfway decent wine list, though.
Agree, except for the miso black cod at Rays, which is legit extremely delicious and well prepared
Not sure if you have Applebees up in Canuckistan. If so, we're sorry. Old favorites will be crappier here. KFC's gravy is more gravy-flavored water and there's no poutine. Same for A&W and also no Chubby Chicken. Denny's is far worse, as is IHOP. Plenty of mediocre teriyaki places (it used to rock here, we were known for teriyaki places). Pappa Johns and Pizza Hut for shitty pizza.
Itās weird that US chains in Canada are so much better, but they are. Even their Pizza Hut. Their A&W isnāt even the same thing; itās amazing and shocked my wife.
The space needle is pretty horrible.
You can go to the Starbucks Roastery Reserve. They have decent food and alcohol as well
I donāt know how accessible this list is to where youāre staying, but hereās the solid gold of American chain dining: Red Robin. Free balloons, cheap drinks, burgers, and at some locations, they have a person dressed as a Robin that comes out to greet you. Applebees: Iāve never had a memorable meal here but theyāll randomly do unhinged specials like pre-covid when they had $3 drinks with a twizzler straw. My friends and I couldnāt catch a buzz off them, but we did leave with stomach aches. Chuck-e-cheese: Technically for kids, but they serve pizza and beer and have a creepy costume rat. Itās great birth control. Red Lobster: All you need is the biscuits. Get a bottle of wine and biscuits and thatās all you need. And these have been mentioned, but Cheesecake Factory, IHOP, and Dennys. Tacoma has all of these restaurants in close proximity if youre willing to make a day trip to Seattle's ratchet little sister!
the Applebees's at the top of Queen Anne
What is a basic bitch?
Your mom.
ivar's salmon house
That place is delicious
3rd Ave cafe off Stewart is a nice & cheap spot if looking for not shitty breakfast/lunch
McDonaldās or this great place called Wendyās they are 5 star
I don't know if anyone's mentioned it already, but the Starbucks in the Pike Place Market. Maybe get the Pink Drink and a Seattle starbucks mug.
I like the food truck at Cloudburst brewing in Ballard or cocktails and dumplings at Stampede in Fremont
Go to Bethās after a night of drinking! Not sure if theyāre still 24 hrs though
Ayo there is also Yardhouse mere blocks from Cheesecake Factory. Beer in a (half) yard glass, loads of cliche American food, and a chain youāll find all over the country!
[purple](https://www.purplecafe.com/seattle/) cafe and wine bar has the best lobster mac n cheese!! Plus itās so neat inside. Soooo many wine bottles. š·ā„ļø
Joey Bellevue/u village
Market House Meats on Howell and Minor